Killian Paltreth

Salty Jack's page

134 posts. Alias of Emperor7.


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Arrrr! Happee Birthdee to me favorite bunch of forum pirates! Arrr!

I Boated!

I'm marketing a new brand of nuts, Salty's Nuts

Arrrr! Quit lookin' at me booty, or I'll carve out yer innards and feed 'em to the fishies!

Jedi Jack wrote:
Salty Jack wrote:
Jack Hammer wrote:
Jackalope wrote:
Buy slower beer next time and you won't have to chase it!
But I like beer as a chaser!
Really, and your favorite alcoholic beverage sir...


Oh, I thought you asked my favorite type of beverage. Which would be alcoholic...

Jack Hammer wrote:
Jackalope wrote:
Buy slower beer next time and you won't have to chase it!

But I like beer as a chaser!

We're so tasty too!

I'll have a nun with that

Celestial Healer wrote:
Morning all. What did I miss?

Davey Jones came out of his locker! Stand fast, ye lubbers!

Arrr, ye scalawags. Which of ye stole me Black Seal Rum?

1 person marked this as a favorite.

What does a dyslexic pirate say?


General J. Debauchery wrote:

OK, I finished up connecting the fire sprinklers in the clubhouse to the vats in the brewery.

*holds lighter up to the sprinkler head*

I think you need to light the lighter for that to work.

What's the Jack's favorite liquor?


Emperor7 wrote:

I have an alias and I'm not afraid to use it! Just stand back now. These things have a tendency to attract other aliases.

*considers opening up small box at the bottom of his pack, marked Pandora*

Went out with a lady named Pandora some time ago, and I can tell you that she really knew how to throw a party.

taig wrote:
Paris Crenshaw wrote:

Congratulations on surviving the ordeal, Taig.

Lilith, congrats on joining the Paizonians!

As for me...I'm underway, again, today. I'll be gone for a little more than a week, this time. Thank goodness there are only a few more of these trips before I transfer. My family and I need some time when I can be at home!

Take care, all!

Fair winds and following seas, Paris!


Frat Jack wrote:
Jack Hammer wrote:
Frat Jack wrote:

Here. Try it again with this eyepatch on.

*hands Frat a pirate eye patch*

and wer's the rum?

Sorry, we're down to the Special Reserve.

You lubbers have to drink the regular stuff.

Ambrosia Slaad wrote:
<burst of static> -had to kill an Imperial IRS auditor who was babbling about value-added taxes and 1099 forms for the gnomes- <burst of static> -tupid klepto kender ninjas decided to fight over the used fabric-softener sheets and dryer lint. Had only one kender survive... when confronted about his mission failure, he committed seppuku. {sigh} We've fallen back to the powder room and braced for a siege. One of the giffs kept quoting Bill Paxton or Bill Pullman, so I had kill hi- <burst of static> -ommunications because of the radiation leaking from the Fridge. Bishop says he can order a dropship to come pick us- <burst of static> -and nuke the entire hoard from orbit. It's the only way to be sure. [SIGNAL LOST]

shakes head in dismay Bankrupt. A radioactive hoard is like no hoard. After all these years of hard work i have nothing. Nothing but...

Well, I started out with nothing so I can do it again. Back to pole dancing for imperiums.

Gads woman! Didn't you hear that the Empire has raised the Use Tax on tinker gnomes in hazardous conditions to 10 times their original cost?! You may have bankrupted our exploration company! Hopefully, the gains will outweigh the costs.

Mark my words though. The Imperial auditors will be up our collectives arses about this. You better have your cost-benefit analysis in order. And not done in crayon like last time!

Who ever heard of a long haired larping gnome anyways?

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I am not allowed to game within 50 miles of MB, by court order. Damn that Judge Judy!

And look for Woody's dice bag in one of the toy boxes. Methinks Sharoth has tutored the spawn in hoarding.

Jack Hammer wrote:
Kobold Clever wrote:
*shakes fist in defiance*
*empties clip into stupid kobold*

I'm not cleaning that up!

Where are the kobolds for target practice?

You called, cousin?

[Joe Pesci voice] Time to sleep wi da fishies. And not like they you've been doing...[/Joe Pesci voice]


Gracie Fisher wrote:
Devlyn, Jack o' Nine Dales wrote:
Gracie Fisher wrote:
Merry Christmas and all that. Now where can a girl get some rum around here?
"Welcome, and a Happy Yule to you too, ma'am! Look no further - we have a pretty good selection of rum here. You want to try one, or do you feel up to trying them all?" Devlyn asks with a grin from behind the bar.
Definitely up to trying them all. Start with the good stuff, save the cheap ones for when I'm too drunk to appreciate them...assuming you even have that much rum. ;)

Might I suggest the Black Seal Rum?

taig wrote:
Mairkurion {tm} wrote:

He's getting to take a ship from VA to UK?

I hates zombies.

Nah. I made up the UK part.

He's actually traveling from VA to PA to LA. Not on a ship. :)

Sure... After I dug up the old song...

Mairkurion {tm} wrote:

He's getting to take a ship from VA to UK?

I hates zombies.

Men, men, men. He's on a ship all full of men. So throw your rubbers overboard, there's no one there but men...

Full Version

Sebastian's Ugly Stepsister wrote:
Moorluck wrote:
Post Apocolypse

Post apocalipstick, baby!

Have I had too much rum, or is Sebastian's Stepsister hawt?


Tiny Tina wrote:
Moorluck wrote:
Tiny Tina wrote:
Moorluck wrote:
Tiny Tina wrote:
flash_cxxi wrote:
Tiny Tina wrote:
Well you know, I'm pretty lonely and horny right now. Why don't you swing by and see what happens?
Australia is a little too far to just "swing" by...
Your loss then.
So would and your hottie like to visit Myrtle Beach for Christmas? I'll spring for tickets. :D
We are visiting Christina's parents in Veracruz actually. They don't live there, they just want to go there for Christmas. Go figure.
That actually sounds pretty fun.
I can try out the new bikini I want Santa to bring.

I'll be your Santa...

Sitting in the main room of the Clubhouse

Oh, I must have switched to Animal Kingdom. Jolly good. Those hyenas sure know how to bring down their prey. Strange breed though, all white and fuzzy.

General J. Debauchery wrote:
Where have all the good peasants gone? These barely have any meat on 'em.

Back in the day we'd just pull into port and round up fresh batches of 'em. Very handy for chumming the water when you're trolling for shark.

Not realizing that he is not watching Cops, but actually watching the closed circuit feed to the helipad, Salty enjoys watching the peasants scattering before the swings of the General's bat.

He helps himself to some nachos and freshens his rum, and settles down for the show

*turns on the Jack Jumbotron*

Who left this playing Days of Our Lives?

*switches to Cops

Wanders around the thread looking at all the unfinished projects.

Not like Cousin Panama to let his crew disappear before things got done.

General J. Debauchery wrote:
Primary Adjunct of paizomatix 0 wrote:
Negative. Species designation 9467 predates creation of designation jilly bean
The who assimilated my sculpture?

Hmmm? Sorry, old chap. It was me.

Looking at it made me really hungry for some reason. Nice proportions and all.

General J. Debauchery wrote:
Salty Jack wrote:
That limo is bouncing like a rowboat in a typhoon!
I taught that boy everything he knows!

throws beer can at General D

Then why aren't you the one in there then!

That limo is bouncing like a rowboat in a typhoon!

Jilly Bean wrote:
lynora-Jill wrote:
Jilly Bean wrote:
Mmmm...the red jello shots taste so good! So the it for private use or can anyone swing on it?

Anyone can use it as long as anyone happens to be a pretty girl. :)

I still don't really get it though. Why do we need a pole for dancing?

*downs another jello shot*

Maybe you can show me?

Sure! It's easy, and way fun, and somtimes profitable! :)

Wait...did you just call me pretty? *bats eyes at LJ*

staggers around the party

Yep. You sure am. *hiccup*

Remind me of this sweet little lass you do. In the Port of...Port of...oh, forget it. She was real purty...

The Spirit of FaWTL thread wrote:


*looks at the pool as he produces a schoolgirl skirt for LJ*

If you like chlorine. The rum is over by the bar, and we have tequila on tap.

General J. Debauchery wrote:
lynora-Jill wrote:
Jack Hammer wrote:
lynora-Jill wrote:
Jack Hammer wrote:
Jilly Bean wrote:

Oh! I only ....have *hiccup* 10 minutes left to finish that last drink!*hiccup*

Last *hiccup* one!
*downs drink spilling a lil down her top*
*giggles* oopps!
Spillage! You know what that means don't you?
You really gonna stop us from our swim over a few drops of spillage? she asks, arching an eyebrow.
Commando trumps spillage!

That's what I thought. :)

*stretches out slowly before diving into the pool*

Stretching is good. You wouldn't want to cramp up in the water. ;)

As the resident sailor I'll stand ready to assist any of you ladies should you need it.

Aye! 'Tis true.

This day be the day when all true pirate turn their thoughts to booty, else they be bound for Davey Jones' Locker.

May yer compass always point true me buckoes.

lynora-Jill wrote:
Okay, here it is. I'll mix it up with some gin. You'll like it. And those of you who were blinded might want to go and tell the girls how beautiful they are so they calm down and don't do it again.

I'm thinking LED; Lovely, Exciting, Damn fine

celestial nymph wrote:
And all those who failed a Will save are blinded.:)

Who turned off the lights?!

General J. Debauchery wrote:
This is better than Pay for View!

Amen, brother!

Now if we could get them all to wrestle for the win.

General J. Debauchery wrote:
'Bout time those girls came back.

Sorry, we were busy.....

I mean, they must have been busy.

Puffy the Dinner Roll wrote:
Rusty the Borg Drone wrote:

Hands Rusty a whole-wheat dinner roll.

There ya go.

Just don't tell him that blood has iron in it!

Can anyone spare

some boobies
for an old Jack down on his luck?

General J. Debauchery wrote:
Ambrosia Slaad wrote:

I certainly don't "love you all."

Ok, one of you. :)

She's talking about me. ;)

You blind old tin can. Can't you tell by the way she always looks at me that it's me?

Jack Hammer wrote:
Ambrosia Slaad wrote:
Ambrosia Slaad wrote:
<much personal whining snipped>

Golarion needs OGL/PFRPG versions of the Jacks too, something more defined, something unique... instead of just pulling out a golem from the MM or importing warforged from Eberron.

Maybe in time for next year's PaizoCon Wayfinder?

See? She does love us!


Sitting in his rowboat, fishing in the middle of the pool and occasionally taking swigs from his bottle of rum. He looks up as the robot rocket thingy takes off.

"Thar goes someone in a bit of a hurry."

Time to scrape the barnacles off yer hulls, lads!

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