gran rey de los rural's page

Limeylongears wrote:

gran rey de los mono wrote:

Longears Investigations Bureau wrote:

In other news, why does the ratty little shop down the road have two blue pipes leading out of the walls into a catering-sized tub of mayonnaise in their front yard?

Is it, as my colleague Ms. Marplears thinks, connected to a dehumidifier, or does it have a more sinister, mayonnaise-themed purpose?

The have a Ratatouille inspired marmite factory in there, and that's the output. The mayonnaise tub is to fool the cops.

I certainly hope they're not bootlegging Marmite. People have been immolated inside a giant bamboo goose in the town square in front of the Lady Mayoress, her consort, and the current steering committee of the local Rotary Club for similar offences against decency.

Yeah, you don't f$!! with the rotary club!

Unless you have the backing of the Elks, Lions, and/or Ruritans.

Freakin' Cañada sending their wildfire smoke down here. Keep it in NYC where it belongs!!!

Freehold DM wrote:

Vanykrye wrote:

NobodysHome wrote:

Sometimes The Onion's headlines hit waaaay too close to home:

"High School Student, Teacher Applying For Same Summer Waitressing Job."

Yep. I've seen it. My high school physics teacher was a checker at Trader Joe's during the summer.

My high school history teacher worked for the same seed corn company I did during the summers.

I didn't have my glasses on when I saw this. I was wondering what seed porn was.

Like you don't know.

Naw, naw, naw. He ain't afrom farmin' land. He prolly ain't never seen real seed porn afore.

I feel that this video is germane to the math discussion from earlier.

Party? Ya'll must mean the bonfire out the Clemmon's place. You go down the old blacktop-not the new blacktop and definitely not the cement road-'til you reach the Jenson's place. Hang a looie on the gravel road the used to lead to the old mill. Cross the crick at the stump where the big tree used ta was. Go down 'round the holler and up beyond the hill where Stevenson's old barn stood before the tornader of '75 took it down. Go through Johnny's gate, but make sure to close it up agin so the pigs don't get out. Cut across the field, less of course the beans are in. If they are, you gotta take the long way 'round and follow the trail that Aunt Jessie made back when she was a youngin'. You should see the bonfire up on Red Rock Ridge. Just park by the pond and walk on up.

Of course, they might not be there. If so, come back the way you came and I'll try and steer you to where they might be.

Limeylongears wrote:

I saw a video of an American man making mac and CHEESE! today. The only seasoning he added was Worcestershire sauce, which he pronounced 'Wash-your-sister', and I shall love this forever.

I'm not a big fan of mac'n'cheez in general (unless you put broccoli in it, then I like it more", but I'm pretty sure I don't want any that has "wash-your-sister sauce" in it.

Wooooooooo Doggies!!! More fer me then!!!!!!

One of the perks of working in the middle of the night is peeing in the middle of the road.

Also known as: Tuesday.

NobodysHome wrote:

Meh. It was unanimous. 4 tech industry specialists with over 60 years of experience between them, a former navy vet who's now an auditor, and a long-time public utility worker all said, "Yeah, they're jerking you around. Dump 'em."

So I sent the polite, "Please remove me from consideration" about 15 minutes ago.

EDIT: It *IS* kind of funny. Shiro got recruited right out of college, so he's somewhere around a 40-year vet. I'll hit 22 years later this year. And Lara Croft Guy worked on the original Lara Croft, so that's at least another 26 years. GothBard's the "kid" at only 7 years. So that's... wow... 95 years in tech between the four of us!

But Shiro cheats since he makes up almost half the entire total.

You run into a similar situation with me (19 years), former coworker (30 years), Pops (40 years), and Greg (35 years) when we get together.

We should all hang out and speak gibberish at each other!

I'd like ta hear a liddle autentic fromtier gibberish.

captain yesterday wrote:

gran rey de los mono wrote:

captain yesterday wrote:

gran rey de los mono wrote:

Just an average day in retail

Employee: "Ok, repeat after me."
Customer: "Right."
Employee: "We don't..."
Customer: "You don't..."
Employee: "...carry that item..."
Customer: "...carry that item..."
Employee: "...in the store..."
Customer: "...in the store..."
Employee: "...only online."
Customer: "...only online."
Employee: "We don't carry that item in the store, only online."
Customer: "It's in the back."

My favorite at Toys R Us was when people insisted we absolutely had to have something because we had it in stock on our website! And then when I'd ask them to show me where it was on our website and they'd bring up Amazon on their phone.

"Ooooohhhh! That site is for our *insert town name here* location only. They'll have it."

Bonus points if *town name* doesn't have a store.

I may have sent people to our Janesville store unnecessarily.

I do hope that's next to Tarzangrad.

HEY! THIS HERE IS 'MURICA!! We don't go fer that 'grad' nonsense round these here parts.

It's Tarzanton.

Our gas stove was not heating up properly so I opened it up and fiddled with a couple of things and now it's working properly again.

I have no idea what I did but you're g##$%@n right I'm taking credit for it.

All ya gotta do sumtimes is jigger the doohickimabob and de-caterwumpus the flickamajig. That stops the wonkification what has y'all kerflummoxified.

Oh, hey! I've got a syllabus!

1. Introduction to Program and Ecosystem Concepts
2. Ecological Regions of Texas
3. Ecosystem Management
4. Urban Ecosystems
5. Geology and Effects of Weather and Climate
6. Prairie Ecology and Management
7. Forest Ecology and Management
8. Herpetology: Amphibians
9. Herpetology: Snakes
10. Taxonomy and Mammology
11. Aquatic Ecology and Ichthyology
12. Entomology
13. Ornithology (not the Charlie Parker album)
14. Botany
15. Laws, Ethics and Regulations

What sick bastard gave those poor, innocent reptars and sneks f'n herpes!!

captain yesterday wrote:

Freehold DM wrote:

captain yesterday wrote:

New guy: So what do you do here?

Me: Patios, walls, and art projects

New Guy: Wait, seriously?!

Me: Yup!

Why would he not think you were being serious?

Landscaping and art usually don't intermix in the Midwest.

But landscaping...is art?

No it isn't. Landscaping is manly physical labor. Art is fru-fru stuff for girls and hippies.

captain yesterday wrote:

There I am!

That bear you're shaving seems to be unusually flat and green.

But do you see any hair on it?

Normally, my doctorate is in making Robobeasts. However, I have some skills in psychology.

*Has gran rey de los mono lay down on a therapy couch.*

So tell me, when did you first lose your trip on reality?

I ain't layin' on yer sofa, and this'n here ain't my realtry!!

Beauty is in the eye of the beerholder.

Ah'm a shur dere wood.

Vidmaster7 wrote:

I actually am super curious about the bat guano thing now.

No, you can NOT turn bat guano into heroin.

Not with that attitude, you can't.

Ah like M&Ms.

And mebbe a little S&M, from time ta time.

That there looks like a big ol' crawdaddy!
I'll have to eat it with some slaw, Maddy!
Hold up while I get my mallet,
Then I'll feel you on my pallet.

gran rey de los mono wrote:

Vidmaster7 wrote:

gran rey de los mono wrote:

I was assuming you had six fingers on each hand, as well as six toes per foot.

Well that don't make no sense. Then it would be 30.

How many hands and feet do you have?

6.

*thinks for a bit*

♫ West Virginia, Mountain Mama. ♫
♫ Take me home. Country Roads. ♫

You can cook boujee like chicken. Tasty.

Stick a can o' beer up their butt and trow 'em on a grill?

You're tha onny boo-gee I see.

According to the average Wisconsinite, the world revolves around us, which is why we keep gaining weight.

Doesn't explain the cowchip throwing competitions though.

Ya gots ta has sumtin' ta do wit' da cowchips. Uvver dan burnin' em, uv curse.

Did you get really bored and piss in the fire alarm again, Vid?

What kind of fur do you get from a werewolf?

As fur away as you kin git!

No one puts me in a corner! I blame the Commies!!

gran rey de los mono wrote:

I'm giving up drinking for a month.

No, wait. Punctuation.

I'm giving up. Drinking for a month.

Ok that's funny right there I don't care who you are.

Well, I don't care who YOU are either!

Silly city slicker don't know how to whittle.

All ya'll's gots ta do is put yer lips together and blow.

gran rey de los mono wrote:

Did you know that you can't take a picture of a man with a wooden leg? It's true! You need a camera.

Maybe if you were really really good at whittling...

Well, that would be carving an effigy, not taking a picture, now wouldn't it?

Now, what say we head down the road a spell, turn cattywampus towards the holler, go down to the crick, and catch us up a mess of catfish for dinner? I'll have the missus whip up a batch of her famous hush puppies, and we'll call Ol' Cletus and see if he's got some white lightning to share.

Darn tootin'.

"Went native"? Son, I done been a native of The South what since the day I crawled nekkid, screaming, and ugly out of my Momma. Shoot.

What a coinkydink, my Momma always said that your unclecousin was a zombie, too!

...

PSA TIME, FAWTLERS: THE GUMMINT IS PUTTING SOMETHING IN THE WATER. DON'T SHAG FOR A WHILE UNTIL THEY MOVE ON TO ANOTHER PROJECT.

...

That's why I only drink recycled urine. Not my own, of course. That would be disgusting.

So, I had lunch in the General's hometown yesterday, because her whole family went off on these "great places to eat" and wow, was it TERRIBLE!

Even more inedible then White Castle, or Old Country Buffet (I've gotten food poisoning three times in my life, twice from Old Country Buffet).

Hey now! There ain't nothing wrong with a little White Castle from time to time. There ain't nothing particularly right with it either, but there sure ain't nothing wrong with it.

NobodysHome wrote:

Woran wrote:

Its super warm today. I feel miserable.

I know what you mean; it might break 70°F today.

Oh, wait. No I don't.
(Ducks and runs, as usual)

Yeah, well I'm done trying to sell you all for warmer weather, you people clearly have no monetary value.

I'm pretty sure I'm worth about a dollar three ninety five.

I'm having the problem that my husband, my kids and I all have the day off and everyone is annoying the snot out of me.

*offers a giant box of tissues for all the snot*

But then the pigeons don't have a clear target...

That there is some pow'rful nekkidness. It done skeered erryone away for fer and a haf hours.

gran rey de los mono wrote:

The best thing about living in Alabama is that it's the first choice in the dropdown box when you are entering your address online.

The down side is you have to live in Alabama...

(also I think their is some law that requires you to marry your cousin.)

Pfft. Like the people in Alabama are worried about the law.

*revs truck engine*

That's right, ya'll. It's a HEMI.

Or you could just never wash it. Just dip it in a diluted bleach solution every couple of weeks to kill the germs, and you'll be fine.

Because I'm tired and my eyes can't track, I misread this as "from slaughter comes joy".

Which made me worried.

Well, slaughtering pigs leads to bacon. And bacon brings joy.

How does one get involved in play by post? Would y'all recommend?

First, you get a post. Most people will tell you that a 4"x4" is plenty big enough, but I find that a 6"x6" is much better. Then you carve your stats into it with a chisel, make sure it's plenty sharp so your writing is legible. I think you can figure it out from there.

Like many young men, I had a crush on my 6th grade teacher. Unfortunately, I was home-schooled.

*plows the field, if you know what I mean*

...

I said I want to go out for dinner, someplace that isn't counter service only.

This sounds like a job for Steak 'n Shake!

I may not know much, but I do know that I thank God everyday that farts aren't contagious like yawns.

Oh, and we had chowder. Not like clam chowder, but Southern Illinois chowder.