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RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32. RPG Superstar 8 Season Dedicated Voter, 9 Season Dedicated Voter. Organized Play Member. 451 posts (506 including aliases). No reviews. No lists. No wishlists. 17 Organized Play characters.


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Silver Crusade

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Male NG Human Oracle 1 | hp 8/8 | AC 17, T 10, FF 15 (+5 armor,+2 sheild) | Init: –4, CMB +2, CMD 12 | F: 0 R: 0 W: +2 | Perc: –4 Or auto fail, SM: 0 | Speed 20ft | Spells: 1st 0/3 Wintry Touch: 5/7 | Active conditions: Silent Spells.

Damion hoists his shield into position. Prepped for the worst. He grips his heavy mace firmly in his hand.
He blink. He stairs nervously forward beyond Esdras lies the unknown. A danger. A weird slime pools in his grip between his thumb and the heft he clings to.

He peers forward; attempting to see around the bend of the stair case. His heart beats faster with each step up. His muscles coiled ready to spring. The lips tremble from adrenaline. Hot fire and violence coursing through is veins.

Damion's ears begin to hear the clatter of bone chimes. He know the sound is real. He knew it was coming. Something was about to happen. He only hears the river of bones when something important is about to happen.

His shirt becomes damp with sweat and mucus from his pores. The grip on the leather hand hold of his shield squeels slightly has he grips it firmer. Damion begins to mouth a silent prayer. His airy raspy voice is barely audible to those with functional ears. Damion cautiously looks behind him for those in his charge.

Damion will not allow any of them to ride the river this day. Not if he can help it. Damion twirls his mace in his hands to stretch his tightened muscles. He begins to coil himself like a spring. Ready to Snap into action at any sudden movement he can detect.

Silver Crusade

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Male NG Human Oracle 1 | hp 8/8 | AC 17, T 10, FF 15 (+5 armor,+2 sheild) | Init: –4, CMB +2, CMD 12 | F: 0 R: 0 W: +2 | Perc: –4 Or auto fail, SM: 0 | Speed 20ft | Spells: 1st 0/3 Wintry Touch: 5/7 | Active conditions: Silent Spells.

Damion sees the Esdras go down. Unable to hear the distain in Esdras's voice, or hear it's thunderous bursts in speech. Damion rubs his holy symbol and mentally thinks a prayer to Pharasma, not to take this majestic yet. Damion lashes his tongue out to lick the downed eidolon.

Silent Cure light Wounds: 1d8 + 1 ⇒ (2) + 1 = 3

Damion spits hair out of his mouth after the spell is cast.

Silver Crusade

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I would compete gladly.

Silver Crusade RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32

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Try finding a slimy looking humanoid. I'm having a really difficult time with it.
I thought with Slime Fever, I might have a chance. I was very wrong.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32

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Wayward Rogues just Released:
the Venommancer (A hybrid of the alchemist and kineticist)
The Orphic (A hybrid of barbarian and psychic)

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Tothric

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Jacob W. Michaels wrote:

They've had a lot of success with Superstar and found a lot of good freelancers (Neil Spicer, Mikko, and TONS of others). However, it's very time consuming for them.

I think it's more than reasonable to believe their work on Starfinder is eating up that extra time that they typically devoted to the contest.

I'm hopeful Superstar will return next year (and I hope it'll return at the end of the year again, as I liked it better then), though I have no way of knowing for sure it will.

And for what it's worth, since there were two "seasons" of Superstar last year, it's not like we've really missed out on one. 2016's just came six months early.

It's also fair to theorize that RPG superstar came out early, so that they could FREE UP Those resources to work on StarFinder.

Owen is doing a lot of major work on Starfinder, as well as Jason, and many others. People who already have many time demands on themselves.

'Never again' is likely out of the question. They gained talent through this. The whole community has. It's a matter of patience. Paizo knows they haven't tapped the market on talent yet. They just need to grow a little more to house it. Starfinder will give us potentially 2 opportunities for RPG superstar...
Because They need to do some Starfinding as well...
Scifi writing and fantasy writing are different...

Also, I'll see myself out for forcing that play one words.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Tothric

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Hey folks:

I know all of you are glorious human beings. I'm trying something kinda super crazy. If anyone of you are feeling generous, I'm looking for prizes for my Dungeon Crawling Tournament!

Feel free to PM me if you are interesting in helping sponsor my tournament. Or, if you feel like participating, maybe, and are in my area?

Charity Tournement

I know this isn't the best place for this; but, I appreciate you giving the time to read this. Thanks in advance.

P.S. A digital book of RPG Superstar hopefuls all creating a single magical item might be a neat prize?

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Tothric

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Kobold Cleaver, you devious wonderful plucky Kobold. Your cleverness is in-fact matching the cleverness of kobolds.

only things I can comment on:

Your template looks good to me. You missed one HELL of a spell requirement though: Heat Metal. I feel that spell requirement would have been perfect for this.

That would have just made sense.

Also, scalding damage is silly. That Might harm your votes. That key word would be the kind of thing that would cause some voters to feel like you MIGHT not understand the game. (Though, your description, I feel is appropriate, you wouldn't get such text for RPG superstar.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32

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I saw improvised weapon, and body bludgeon... and I immediately locked into this conversation. I have a barbarian that is PFS legal that specifically wields NPC's as weapons. Improvised weapons are ROUGH to upgrade... but NPC's have several bonus's.

Namely: If you beat a werewolf, with a werewolf...you may bypass the werewolf's DR.

Your opponent's size is a limiting factor. Titanic armor lets you be a size larger for 10 rounds. It can help you grapple much larger creatures.

For added hilarity: Get a swarm-bane clasp... and Ghost-Touch Amulet of Mighty Fists. This will allow you to grab a ghost, and beat a swarm with the ghost...
Or... smash an opponent into a swarm, then with your grapple check you can just place the enemy in the swarm after beating the swarm with the NPC.

Fun Thoughts: Magic fang makes natural weapons magical... you could argue it could make an NPC magical. GM interpretation there. You are already swinging an enemy as a weapon... your pushing goofy territory here. You will be doing MORE than enough damage with your shenanigans.

If you take the HURLING rage powers... you can hurl objects as improvised weapons...and with the belt of hurling you can use your strength score instead of your dex to hit... and add your strength and power attack to damage. Hilariousness ensues when you combine this with NPC's. Namely: Literally picking up and throwing NPC's out windows, cliffs, boats, so on and so forth.

I suggest investing in iron rope for this tactic... a round to tie them up in iron rope, then throwing them into a river, pretty much ends that NPC... (Unless it's some-kinda water elemental, or fish, or some kinda aquatic thingamajig... but I threw that one into a bucket... and called it a wonder-twin).

Look for magical items that improve objects in your hand in someway. These can improve improvised weapons, many don't but some do.

Fun-Fact: Corpses are objects, you CAN wield a corpse as an improvised weapon. Body bludgeon states that it's damage it's bonus damage ends, and the rage power ends on death. so it loses it's damage. Upon using a corpse the GM decides the damage of the corpse... which given that it's not fighting back and isn't stiff could be significantly less. If you have body-bludgeon though, at that point... just chuck the body at someone and call it a day. Lock down another opponent with grapple.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Tothric

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Belabras, I admittedly have been neglecting this thread a little as well. But compared to this time last year, I didn't have 6 projects with my name on them.

Now I do. This contest definitely helped me get noticed by some 3rd Party Publishers and got me moving forward in the direction I wanted.

It's been a glorious time.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32

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Congrats Bardess! :D

I do hope you enjoy! Thank you for participating!

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32

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Last thing to keep in mind, if you use something that isn't Paizo, please source it. Share your love of 3rd Party Products, and let OTHERS know what products you used in creation.

Like any good librarian will tell you, Cite your Sources.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32

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July 26 is when the Characters are due.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32

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Bardess, has the issue been resolved? I've noticed it's been slightly more difficult to SEARCH for the Librarian.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Tothric

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I will go ahead and echo Jacob Treir's advice here.

There is a big difference between "hoping" you make it through the first round, and preparing you make it through the first round. You want to be prepared, you don't want to be hopeful. If your hopeful, like I was, it will BLOW YOUR MIND. It will send your thoughts sprawling across the sea of oblivion in a storm of fragments, reflecting the hollow thoughts and ideas back at you. Thoughts mutated and twisted by ecstatic unfocused joy.

I ran a victory lap around my cubical when I found out.

You do not want to flounder on the second round. My map was a classic example of that floundering, and I will own it. I fixated on a specific pair of words in my entry. Flip-Mat. I know that, now. I built a very generic location, and I used very generic images to have the map usable in any individual's plots, plans and schemes.

I did not pay enough attention to previous contests, or entries as to the map round, and this year; I plan on studying those more and more. Read The Consolidated advice thread! Sean has a really good thread there, filled with excellent advice.

Read everyone's advice, do not stop learning, do not stop reading. I need to use cleaner word choice. I need to use less confusing sentence structure.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32

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Sure DragoDorn!

The librarian is a partial caster. His primary role in the party is something I like to call "Academic support". When a librarian is in your party, he takes the raw power of a particular character and enhances it.

He can trade questions from identification checks to raw combat benefits to the party. Knowledge is literally power for the Librarian. He's a mix between the bard and the occultist. So you can expect a lot of powers that assist others.

However; he is not a front line fighter, nor a primary caster. If you are looking to be the star of any particular show; (Combat, Social, or Skill Checks) the librarian is not the class for you. This class isn't to be on center stage, but to read the lines to the actors on stage when they forget.

The Librarian will keep your show rolling, when you yourself aren't sure the direction.

Sorry about the wait there!
Feel free to PM me any particular questions.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32

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I'm super excited about this shout out! I do hope everyone enjoys! I'm glad my work can be counted as a peer to these great products.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Tothric

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Hey folks:

Purple Duck games is having an Open Call!

The Information on Open Call.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32

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Thanks Mikko & Company for producing a wonderful competition, I'll keep my eye out for the next one.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32

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Congratulations Gabriel!

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32

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As always, the feed-back is completely worth the cost of admission. :-) I learned a lot about my monster template skill level from this competition.

Mikko, Jacob, thanks for the feedback!

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32

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Congradulations! :-)

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32

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Tothric wrote:
Man, this thread is building Anticipate—

—tion!

The day is here!

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Tothric

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Critiquing is really hard!

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32

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Who would you pick to be at an "All-star" table for a game run for you?
Who would you pick to be your GM?

Lastly: Would you play a "crowd-sourced" character at a convention for charity with a live internet audience?

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Tothric

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The Raven Black wrote:

Musketeers' blade:
Musketeers’ Blade

Aura moderate conjuration and illusion; CL 7th
Slot none; Price 44,220 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Golden symbols of eternal friendship adorn the four sided basket hilt of this +2 courageous mithral rapier. Its featherlight blade easily whirls around, catching and diffracting light as if engraved with minute rainbows. Holding the warm leather of the handle evokes the steady grip of a reliable ally, enabling the wielder to stand resolutely against trouble, without backing down.

When activated with a deft flourish of the blade, three illusory doubles of the wielder spring into existence adjacent to the target creature, forming a cross with the wielder, with the target creature at its center. The doubles always keep their relative positions while staying adjacent to the target creature, even if this puts them in an occupied space.

These illusions deliver to the target creature a sensory assault from all quarters. Taking advantage of this pandemonium, the wielder can benefit from flanking and teamwork feats as if the doubles were allies with the same feats threatening the target creature.

The doubles cannot make any attack nor take any action.

Any creature can attack a double to destroy it. The doubles have the same AC as the wielder. If the attack is a hit, the double is destroyed. Area spells do not destroy any of the doubles. Spells and effects that do not require an attack roll do not destroy any of the doubles.

Once activated and unless destroyed, the doubles last for 7 rounds or until the wielder sheathes the musketeers’ blade, whichever happens first.

Once per day, the wielder can switch place with one of the doubles as if using the dimension door spell.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, dimension door, heroism, mirror image, remove fear; Cost 22,620 gp


When I said raise the bar, You did. You raised the bar a lot. :-) Cutos!

First of all, your description was well done. I like the description of the feeling of wielding the blade.

You went with illusory duplicates, but unlike me, you went for just a duplicate effect, where I went with creatures to control. Not only that, your reference to the musketeer's makes the blade's power really thematic.

The strong ties to the theme the power expands on that with flanking powers that are clearly defined. (Where as mine, I tried to go with creatures, and thus needed more mechanics to flesh out, and didn't do so.)

You use white-space powerfully to demonstrate breaks. Good job with that, I personally like that.

The dim-door spell at the end feels like an after thought when placed there... I think it should come before the duration. However, this is a stylistic choice, there isn't a right way to do that. I'm sure there are people who prefer the opposite.

I like your version better than my-own. Good job TRB. Good job!

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32

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Jacob W. Michaels wrote:

Just polishing up my comments for public consumption now. Lots of fun to go back over these.

As a reminder, once the Top 6 are revealed, I'm happy to offer my feedback privately to anyone who's interested. Just shoot me a PM or an email with your monster's name and I'll try to get it to you ASAP (it could take a few days if I get a bunch of requests; if you don't hear from me within a week or so, just send me a reminder).

Will do!

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32

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Man, this thread is building Anticipate—

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32

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Serpent wrote:

Alright, Jacob, Mike, and I have chosen our Top 6. It's time to send them to Adam Daigle!

I just went to check who our finalists are: looks like we have a nice mix of both familiar faces (whom I know from RPGSS and/or have met in person) and some new talent! :)

I was smiling about the non-specific super vague posts about who's progressing and who wasn't. I was laughing until I read the bold-line.

Then I had an identifier I could connect myself too... not just one... but TWO!
(I'm new, AND I've done RPGSS!)

Now I"m not laughing. You hit my anxiety button! I curse you to the Hells...

...

you clever...

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32

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Can't wait to see the entries.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Tothric

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Kim, I saw an open call for a project. I approached the nice person about it, and told them who I was. They asked me to do a small write up. I did.

Then the asked me to do another project, because the first one wasn't a perfect fit. And here I am now.

And now, I have the problem I have for some reason always desired... Staring at a Template in word... trying to fill out all the blanks... and I'm suffering writer's block. However, I couldn't be more excited to be doing this.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32

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Monster submitted. Curaigh, are you at 666 words? Tell me your at 666 words?

Because, you know... the total word count is 610.

And now... the waiting game beings!

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32

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So close to do... so very close to done. >.<.

Might have to ask some vets some advice here soon.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Tothric

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Hello!
It's been a while. I've been hard at work on some things.

Here's the first!
I helped out with this.

Thanks to everyone for helping me become a strong enough writer for this to happen! It's another step, and I feel it's wrong not to include you folks in thanks for helping me get here!

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32

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I'm hammering out my entry this week. :-) Expect it... Soon*

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32

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Is it ok to admit I'm a little intimidated.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Tothric

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Just wanted to give you guys a minor update. :-) Finished my FIRST draft on my first paid job in the field. Obviously can't talk about what EXACTLY it is. Thank you guys for helping me out, and helping me build the confidence to follow my childhood dream!

Seriously, without your awesome level of support/guidance I may not have acquired the skill or proficiency to try. You folks are awesome!

Back to editing!

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Tothric

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Russ Brown wrote:

gives Jarrett the *evil eye*

Please don't start the flip-mat debacle again. Repeat after me: "24 by 30" map.

Oh god!? The Evil Eye is coming at me! -2 to my will-saves!? Wait... does Russ have levels in Mesmoriest?

Yeah... DO NOT MAKE A FLIP MAT!

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Tothric

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Hello friends;

I'm glad to announce that I've created a Game-Design Blog!
https://throughthegmscreen.wordpress.com/
Through the GM Screen!

It's a personal blog to catalog my game-design thoughts. I'm going to post random feats that I think of while I'm at work, possible expanded mechanics for pathfinder. Ways to make "Villians" more mechanically interesting, and classes of some kind that I build. As well as of course magical items and maps.

Feel FREE to follow it, offer advice, share with freinds and use anything I create in your home games. I've been inspired by all your amazing support, and reading through a few of your blogs.

Thank you for your support, and thanks for working with me!

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Tothric

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My entry into my own little mini-challenge

A paper tube covered in diagrams of stars and sparks with a single wooden guide along the tube. Showering brilliant sparks and pops the tube dances in the air as if dancing.
Dancing Bottle-Rocket CR 1/2
 XP 200
N Tiny Construct
Init +0; Senses darkvision 60ft, Perception +0
----- Defense -----
AC 12, touch 12, flat-footed 12 (+2 size)
hp 5 (1d10)
Fort +0, Ref+0, Will +0
Immune construct traits, Explosive form
----- Offense -----
Speed fly (clumsy) 20ft.
Melee slam +2 (1d2+1)

----- Statistics -----
Str 12, Dex 11, Con —, Int —, Wis 10, Cha 5
Base Atk +1; CMB –1; CMD 11 (can’t be tripped)
Skills fly –2, stealth –20 Racial Modifiers -20 stealth
SQ Dazzling Finish
----- Ecology -----
Environment any
Organization stockpile
Treasure none
----- Special Abilities -----
Dazzling Finish (Ex) When a dancing bottle-rocket reaches zero hit points it is destroyed in a particularly extravagant fashion. In the act of being destroyed the dancing bottle-rocket releases blinding flashes and patterns. Creatures that can see within 10 feet must succeed a DC 10 will save or be dazzled for 1 round. Creatures that succeed the saving throw are not dazzled.
Explosive Form (Ex) When a dancing bottle-rocket is dealt any fire damage, the dancing bottle-rocket explodes brilliantly in a multi-colored patterns. All creatures within 10 feet must succeed a DC 10 reflex save or be set on fire for 1d4 points of fire damage. Creatures that succeed the save take no damage and are not set on fire.

Dancing bottle-rockets are a special breed of easily created animated objects. Once created these peculiar constructs often flit about and dance in a simulation of joy. Able to follow only rudimentary commands like “go” and “stop” and “Up” as they are unintelligent. They streak along as fast as they can creating brilliant trails of light.
Creating a dancing bottle-rocket requires the Craft Construct feat, a Skyrocket Firework and the animate objects spell. Each dancing bottle-rocket counts as a single small object that is animated.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Tothric

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I'm not gone!

I'm just dealing with the holidays. I hope everyone has a glorious holiday season!

Built myself a holiday themed dungeon to run for my local gaming buddies.

It's my version of that there "bad holiday sweater".

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Tothric

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December Challenge:
Design a holiday themed monster? Anyone down for that?
By holiday theme, I mean any holiday you particularly care a lot about.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Tothric

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Super congradulations!!!! A win well fought! You competed well. Get some sleep. YOU Will Have A Due Date IN THE morning.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Tothric

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To break up these posts a bit. I copied each item into word, and prebuilt my templates, so that I just had to fill them out. The Resulting word document was 43 pages long.

I cut the entries I put here from the word document, so at the end, I should have NO entries on the document. (The entries are in the other Forum already) I cut the actual ITEM text from the entry so I know which ones I've done, and which ones I haven't. The moment I can cut 4~5 pages, I post them. I want to know if my feedback is helpful or not. I feel like I'm beginning to repeat myself a bit. :-) this is as much for me as it is for you, but If I'm going the wrong direction with my thoughts, I'd REALLY like to know.

Fluttering sphere

feedback:

First impression:
Teleportation sphere!?
Feelings:
So, I didn’t like this item but, that doesn’t mean it isn’t a good item. My feelings for not liking this item generates because it’s basically just 7 dimension doors. Seven. That’s A LOT of dimension doors. And here’s the kicker, they are uncontrolled teleports. You teleport to a RANDOM other dimension door.

You picked the magical number 7. Seriously… seven… that’s REALLY hard to randomize unless you have a D7 handy (which I happen to have, and that’s beside the point). This apparent drawback is mitigated simply by using this item every two days. Because it creates only 1 other possible destination with the butterflies. This COMPLETELY mitigates the drawback of teleporting at random. You can ALSO completely mitigate that draw-back by making sure EVERY destination portal is somewhere you WANT to be. This also makes for hilarious battle control, because you can just fling around these portals, and teleport OTHER people who run into them.
So, the “hard to randomize” max-number is really what bugs me the most. Then the completely avoidable portion of the randomization combined to make this item kind of a whiff for me.
However: I want you to know, your effect is clear, your writing is strong, and your grasp of the mechanics here is clean. You waste no words. You just missed me with those simple oversights written above; and that’s not to say I didn’t vote for this item. I did a few times.
Would I publish Had I the Power:
After a few re-writes or explanation about the growing butterflies.


Thieving Bookmark
feedback:

First impression:
Clever book thief!
Feelings:
What I like about this item is that it doesn’t steal the whole book, just the “important bit”. You could easily write a WHOLE plot about this bookmark.
That’s where this item likely lost some votes. How would a player REALLY use this item? Copying scrolls costs way less, stealing the book is physically cheaper, and if the point of this item is scrubbing knowledge, simply destroying the text is easier.
This is really expensive, and a consumable. To transfer words from one book, to another, and erase the pages in first book. Which is a neat combination of effects: However, as a player, I’d find it really hard to find a good use for this item. Not that there are NOT good uses for this item, I’m sure there are situations where this item is absolutely perfect: I just cannot think of any off the top of my head, without building a plot around it.
I think, you swung for the fences for a niche to design in, and you found one. I’m just not sure, the other readers and voters found that same niche.
Would I publish Had I the Power:
Espionage book, definitely. An adventure treasure, most assuredly.

Staff of Perfect Harmony

feedback:

First impression:
Perfect Harmony!? Peace item?
Feelings:
Nope anti-magic item. But I do have questions: Is this item +3 on both ends? Because that’s a REALLY expensive +3 item that grants a rage power. I’m unsure based on reading your item how to completely dispel the effect, but based on your previous verbiage, I’m guessing the original rage power completely dispelled the effect if you beat the CMD of the spell by 10 or more.
This item is clearly designed for Monks, as you call them out with Ki points: A twist to the item I rather like. It’s a good idea for an item; I think the save bonus is kind of a “weak” power creatively. It’s not that it’s a bad mechanic, but there are all kinds of items that grant bonus’s to saves. Not that those save bonuses are not used well here, they certainly are.
I think though combining the “Spell sunder” rage power with the Save bonus; lead to some people thinking this wasn’t particularly creative. Then again, being superstar is hard to quantify, and you use existing rules rather well. That certainly is a qualifier in my humble opinion.
I think what you missed here is when I looked up the “Spell-Sunder” rage power, it works ONLY against already existing effects like grease or stinking cloud. So, if your BLASTED by a spell like fireball this staff would do nothing for you. Which when re-reading the effect definitely doesn’t seem like the intention.
You may want to consider clarifying that if you re-write it.
Would I publish Had I the Power:
Clarification required, so needs a re-write.

Ghostly Tome

feedback:

First impression:
Ghost touch for spells!?
Feelings:
So, this tomb only has 1 really strong weakness as far as I can see, and that is: how many pages does it have?
All tombs have a limited number of pages, and the default is about 100. But, I have to ask, because I REALLY want to know how many spells I can get to make my spells effective against the Incorporeal.
I really like this item, despite the fact that it can be done with a meta-magic rod that has ectoplasmic spell feat.
What I particularly like about this book, is that you can scribe up to 5 spells into it. Another question: If I cast the erase spell on some of the jumbled text can I recycle any pages? That question is probably very odd, but it’s still good to know, as I would like to know how much I could wield from just one copy of this book, as it is an expensive piece of consumable equipment.
Would I publish Had I the Power:
Yes, with clarification.

Nine Dimensional Blade

feedback:

First impression:
Wall-cutting sword!?
Feelings:
I have not found an item capable of cutting through a prismatic sphere, this is a big first as far as I know of. This item, I think, jumped the shark with one particular line: this item works on mundane walls. That line makes sense, but I feel that if this item ignored things that naturally occurred, and was JUST focused on suppressing “magical barriers” it would be just about perfect.

My reasoning is any weapon CAN destroy a stone wall, an iron wall, a dirt wall or practically any physical barrier, given enough time. You simply have to bypass the hardness, and the deal enough structural damage, and you break through.
The ADDED benefit of this swords magic is that is can just say “nope” to magical barriers for a round or two, NORMALLY enough to move through it. Magical barriers are a major pain, and this sword gives a lot of martial characters the possible capacity to circumvent them, at the expense of a pocketbook.
What I think cost you votes thought, is just how easy it is to bypass all these barriers. The magical barriers are 10 + caster level (1~20) + spell level (0~9). The largest that is is 39. When you could AFFORD this great-sword, your sitting at a +15 base for some classes, + strength (Which could be as high as a +8 or 9 at that level if you do it right) + feats (Between +1~5 pending actual feats.) and then the +5 for this weapon, so BASE your sitting at about a +25ish. So… even the moderate spell barriers are easily suppressed when you consider that. It may be that you wanted to succeed roughly 70% of the time at maximum difficulty, in which case, you accomplished it.

Would I publish Had I the Power:
Would need to have the math re-worked. I think this could be published!

Stonewake Greatsword

feedback:

First impression:
My sword for a Monster!
Feelings:
So, this weapon suffers from the “What do I do while my weapon is doing it’s thing” problem. Summoning a HUGE earth elemental is pretty awesome, so, I’m not so sure that’s such a problem, if my standard action is spent controlling the earth elemental.
The thing this weapon does right, is it gives the wielder a chance to pull the weapon OUT to do things with it. That means, that I can IMMEDIATELY summon the elemental, and then pull the sword out to fight with the elemental for 1d4 rounds. Which is; to be honest, is Awesome.
For the cost I’d say the benefits are pretty good, and you’ve bot yourself a pretty cool special effect. I think the major issue though that cost you votes is the idea of “What do I do with myself while my sword is an Elemental?” Because going from a +3 corrosive burst obsidian greatsword to a regular greatsword is really disheartening.
I don’t like buying multiple weapons if I can help it, but items like this almost necessitate it. I think that’s what cost you votes. I would say you could re-write it again, but I definitely like this.
Would I publish Had I the Power:
Despite the “What do I do with my hands” issue, yes, would encourage a re-write.

Time Shard

feedback:

First impression:
DR. Who noises.
Feelings:
Action Economy is really hard to play with. I think you are in the right direction. The sickened condition feels a little “Forced” but yeah, mucking with time would do something awful to someone’s brain, I agree. Wow that sentence was a run on, I apologize. The primary question is: why is the wearer “there” when they drop out of time!? For all intents they really shouldn’t be there. They have fallen out of the TIME stream after all… but that’s the sci-fi nerd coming out.
The Extra actions is a little odd. Two standard actions are Dangerous, that’s two very carefully planned spells in one turn. That’s HARD to deal with; especially as players vs a well prepared wizard. The HARD part is the crafting requirement. That is an odd requirement. MOST games don’t involve time-travel; and what dictates “Normal time progression” once you start using Time travel?
There are metaphysical questions that crafting requirement brings up; like… is time-travel pre-determined? Is there free choice? Are you suggesting that if there is no free-choice, this magical item requires breaking that meta-physical rule to create this? Then how can a mere mortal do that?
Man that got deep fast. I’m going to jump out of that rabbit hole.
The issue here, is that you have a very powerful ability, but tried to come up with a series of drawbacks to make it seem not so great, and then you made some really tough crafting requirements. That, just hurts. It’s a common design trap that a lot of us fall into. I just feel this item is a particularly good example of it, because it tries to touch on action economy.
Would I publish Had I the Power:
I don’t know. This needs to be announced in the right book or adventure.

Testament of Pharasma

feedback:

First impression:
I hear there is a cool Youtube video about this item somewhere…

Feelings:
That cool youtube video might have been the cause of a lot of lost votes however. Originality seems to be a lot of what people vote on. And that in and of itself would be difficult to argue that this was an original idea.
Execution however, was freaking awesome. An 85 pound tombstone is a bit much, but otherwise it makes a lot of sense build wise. You created a portable holy site; overcoming one of the hardest things to wield about the consecrate spell. I really like the ability to use the tombstone as you would a tower shields cover ability. That’s a nice touch.
I think this item is DEFINITELY a back item though, or clearly a cloak slot item. I have worn 85 pounds of stuff on my back, (I frequently carry ALL OF MY pathfinder books in physical form to game night) and I can tell you that you are not wearing a cloak if you are carrying something like that. Especially a large bulky tombstone.
I feel with writing like this you’re capable of going far. I’m not sure how ELSE I could improve this item. I definitely believe something this bulky and heavy should take up a body slot.

There is some questions I have for this item however: If I “affix” this to a point, how do I use it as a holy symbol? Or can ANYONE in the immediate area use it as a holy symbol? Speaking of that: Can just anyone near this use it as a holy symbol? I’m not sure if this complicates the item or not, and I’m not sure if anyone else thought about it. But that is a critical mechanical thing to know… though if the answer is yes to that last one, I can image a team of Pharasmian clerics with Great-Clubs/heavy Maces/greatswords, storming a Tomb of a lich king with just one guy with that Tombstone on his back! That is an excellent mental image.
Would I publish Had I the Power:
Yes, though It would need those questions answered.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Tothric

2 people marked this as a favorite.

Upside of the "ghost-towning" of these boards post competition, is that the people who are REALLY helpful with feedback tend to stick around.

I've found some of the best feedback came from the blazing 9 thread. :-) Not that the critique my item thread was bad. It was just so much more focused, and the emotions of the competition were not muddying things.

Not that I welcome the ghost-towning of it... it's a little like the Monday after gencon... kinda... disenchanting.

:-)

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Tothric

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Wardrum of the Tactician

Feedback:

First impression:
Neat drum!?
Feelings:
Hey, this is a fun drum. Thing I need to get out of the way: I think for timed Strike, you meant CMD. Besides that glaring mechanical issue, I don’t see anything that really needs a lot of improvement. You have clearly separated your optional powers, you have the mechanics clearly stated.
So this item’s cost threw me for a loop until I took specific considerations on how a free 5 foot step outside of turn, or a free AoO that isn’t provoked by the victim means. What mitigates this is it’s 3 times a day; but when all three uses are done, what I’m left with is a masterwork instrument for the rest of the day. Which on a bard is handy; but not necessarily useful for the price point.
This means the user of this item plays with action economy, which is dangerous design territory. However, it does interesting things to mitigate the action economy, like consuming AoO’s which are an untapped gold-mind of resources in my humble opinion. There are a lot that play off of them, but not a lot that USE them. This item consumes otherwise wasted resources in a turn. Granted, albeit 3 times a day.
The Footwork drill is likely where you lost some votes however; and here is my reasoning, any well trained bard is going to blow that DC 20 check out of the water by the time this item is in their hands. That might as well generate some move actions with the amount of movement it will EVENTUALLY generate. This isn’t a bad thing, but the DC might want to be a bit higher; however, if it just generated 5 feet of movement, this would be pretty spot on and really nice.
Would I publish Had I the Power:
Yeah, once that glaring error is fixed.

Blood Twin’s Quills
Feedback:

First impression:
Hmmm… Double magic Item Making.
Feelings:
There is never NOT a reason to use this item. 1 bleed damage, per hour? Seriously? You mean, that if I have a simple magic item that generates fast healing, I’m COMPLETELY immune to this item’s draw back?
But more importantly, magic item creation is an interesting design space; but what isn’t introduced here, is what happens when you use this to scribe scrolls? Do I pay double the cost of the item creation, the same cost?
Currently it reads if I’m paying ½ for the purchase of the two scrolls. So each scroll costs 1/4th. Scrolls can be powerful magical items in the right hands. Just because you can’t sell the scroll doesn’t mean the scrolls are valued less. In fact, they are higher value. Because ONLY the writer can wield them; that means if someone other than the writer gets hands on a scroll written by these quills, the thief can’t use them. At all.
The pen-wielder is immune to his flagrant abuse of the scribe-scroll ability. This item severely increases the power of the scribe scroll feat. To add to this cheese, the end of the item has some flavor text; which sounds like it came from a Magic the Gathering card. This… doesn’t scream professionalism in pathfinder. Now if this WAS a magic the gathering card, which certainly would be nice.
I relegate all flavor text to description of the item; and that’s how MANY other contestants of the contest does so as well. More importantly, I’ve never seen an item (sans an artifact, a very specific one), have a flavor text phrase like that. Emulating Artifacts is not a smart plan for this competition.
However, I have to say; your writing is very clear. I know exactly what this item does.
Would I publish Had I the Power:
Not right now.

Whispering Blade
Feedback:

First impression:
COOL name!
Feelings:
We’ve got some backstory here, and it starts the item out. Which already sends the wrong footing sometimes. However, it’s so light, that I’m not sure it warrants changing. I do NOT remember who the whispering tyrant even is, and if I don’t know… other voters likely do not know.
If the whispering Tyrant IS paizo history, definitely would be interested in learning about it though, sounds neat. Love a good undead master here.
The ability comes off as a spell in a can. Which hurts. What seals this item in a tomb however (see what I did there?) is that ending. I can craft this item. I don’t need backstory on how crusaders will destroy all of these weapons I come across. I also don’t need rumors that other such weapons exist; it’s not that I don’t like this item.
However, I feel if you cut that last paragraph, and changed the Death-Knell effect a little more, you could have landed better on the charts.  However, your mechanical explanations are clear, I have no questions on HOW this weapon works.
I really think the back-story and the spell-in-a-can nature of this is what dragged this back.
Would I publish Had I the Power:
This would be a good item to include in an adventure for historical purposes.

HUSK OF PROTECTIVE PARCHMENT

feedback:

First impression:
Magical Paper Armor = Neat!
Feelings:
Magical Paper armor is a neat idea… however, Magical paper armor that is where spells are stored, makes me a little nervous. In MOST of the games I play with at home, breaking a magical item releases the magic within it.
However, I really like how this armor works mechanically in concept! Just because I feel like the wearer is a good sunder-attempt away from being a spell-storm doesn’t make the armor worse. It just makes me leery to put it on. And I as a player am leery, I as a character am DEFINITELY afraid of wearing this item. I feel that this could be a neat item; Does this item says it appears to be made of paper, does it’s hardness change?
There is no mention of this, and you say it only appears to be paper. You also don’t state what the ARMOR bonus of this set of Hide armor, is… only that it loses an AC point when a spell is cast. How much armor does this hide armor start with? Is it +1 hide? Or is losing Armor and storing spells this armor’s only thing? Also… are you telling me if I ONLY put one single spell in this, the armor bonus is only +1?

This makes it hard to justify purchasing…. If the item ACTUALLY performs better if I don’t use it’s powers. It it was hide armor that got a +1 bonus for each spell stored in the armor, which lost a +1 when a spell was cast, it’d still be worth wearing. Especially considering the Cost of the armor; it costs as MUCH as some +4 armor.

These slow realizations of this armor, is how I started to view this armor at first, an what it ended up with was a lot of questions, and ideas on how to make the item better, and why I just shouldn’t use it.
That’s not to say this isn’t cool… it is a COOL idea, it just needs a solid re-write to polish it up.

Would I publish Had I the Power:
I started wanting to say YES! But the more I read the item… the more “Please Rewrite!” came in.

Canvas of the Dreamer

feedback:

First impression:
I like art items. I really like art Items.
Feelings:
I like Eidolons. I really like the possible customization they provide. A magical item that summons an Eidolon is kind of a neat idea, however: This item introduces a whole lot more PAPER WORK to the players.
Not that that is a bad thing (After all a roleplaying game is Just paperwork that’s fun and interesting), but what’s bad is once the art check is made, you have the player STOP and build the eidolon. It’s not a pre-built eidolon, it’s a customized one.

Using this magic item would just… stop the game. As someone effectively has to build half a character. I imagine a prepared player would have all that ahead of time, but what if they fail the check? Or succeed by a Wildly huge number of Evolution points are gained. Players are DEFINITELY going to want to use those points effectively. Which means thinking time. Which means other players are sitting there waiting to see the results… or they move forward, and the player is lagging behind in information retention because they are busy with other things.
I think once this consideration is made: You could re-write this item to be much better. And whiel it may need more wordcount than this competition, I do believe that you are onto a new kind of item that is good. I would LOVe to see you re-write this!
Would I publish Had I the Power:
This kind of item, yes… not this item though.

Glimmersheen Chain

feedback:

First impression:
Alchemical armor, that doesn’t attempt to be a mecha-suit.
Feelings:
While the lack of mecha-suits in pathfinder slightly disappoints me… (Magi-tech and steam-tech are my favorite fantasy genres)… I like that this item doesn’t try to be something that doesn’t fit. I also Love that this item uses an alchemical fuel for it’s effect.
I love that this item calls out lycanthropes, but this item FEELS like an “I hate lycanthrope” item. If you cut the lycanthrope term you could have easily saved yourself 2 more words. It’s pretty clear with the effect as written that lycanthropes are particularly effected.
I can’t identify why this item isn’t in the top 32. I don’t know. It’s got solid mechanics, good writing. I think it’s the requirement of the empty hand, and that it’s a swift action. I LIKED that idea of this armor providing a “Blindness” effect to let rogues Sneak-attack a target for a round without feinting. And even if the save succeeds, bad things happen. Which is nice.
Good touch with the sightless creatures are immune. Smart call there.
What I THINK cost you votes, is either the empty hand requirement, or the requirement of Silversheen, which while I appreciate, and some voters would rather save this for a weapon. I still think this armor lacks a sense of “defense” quality in it’s special effect. Perhaps instead of a distraction penalty to AC or CMD, it could have been to attack-rolls and CMB?
However, I am confused as to why this isn’t top 32, but I may be biast.
Would I publish Had I the Power:
Yes.

Armbands of the Mummers’ Duel

feedback:

First impression:
Armbands of faking death!
Feelings:
Ok, I think this is a snazzy item. An item that slices and dices people up on a non-leathal scale makes me happy. As a BIG fan of paint-ball, I could easily build a plot around a “Game” of non-lethal duels in a Noble’s society around these things.
And that’s where your item is here. This is not an item for your average adventurer. This is an item for a special kind of adventure. An adventure that uses plays and acting troopes and well, generally people who don’t want to put life on the line for fame and glory.
Pathfinder just isn’t that game unfortunately. And MOST of the plots I can come up with are about people “Turning these things off” at critical moments, killing people unintentionally and who’s behind this kind of sick-twisted form of assassination. This is a plot item not an adventuring item. And while it is indeed a really COOL plot item, it lacks the ability to really help an adventure out except when they want to take someone alive.
Given that if someone WAS going to take someone alive, they would have feats, or class-features to do that for them…
Which I think ultimately lead to your item not getting votes.
However; I do want to say, despite that: I really think this is a solid item, if very niche. It would be right at home in the right campaigns, and I THINK writing a particular adventure around such items would make for a perfect introduction to it.
Would I publish Had I the Power:
Yes, in an adventure where this item is the star.

Murder Candle

feedback:

First impression:
Candle Dynamite!
Feelings:
This is a practical joke from hell! Besides the name, I can’t say that this item did anything poorly. It was clear, concise, easy to read, and overall it made me laugh. I found this item to be an absolute delight.
Which makes me sad that it’s name was so… on the nose. It was a goofy name… and no one in the right mind is going to GIVE someone a murder candle. You’d have to sneak this into a location, or this item would HAVE to be a plot item.
It’s suffers from the “Why would an adventurer have this” complex. This item isn’t about personal protection or puzzle solving or even granting a new ability. This item just kills people. It May be clever dynamite in a pinch, but gunpowder is cheaper than this candle… and a lot less likely to be confused as a light source by a party member searching through your belongings. I am sure people told you this already, but I have to emphasize this.
I do have some particularly jerky character that would totally lend this item to the group barbarian, just to laugh.

The only other thing I CAN say about this item, is how do we keep track of “how far down” the candle has burned? If it could be set by minutes, instead of a physical space arbitrarily set by the creator, it would be easier to keep track of. While fiddly bit of information, that is the only thing that isn’t set by the item itself; and it is quite important.
Over all, I think this is a good item, if niche.
Would I publish Had I the Power:
IN a plot book, yes!

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Tothric

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Well, it's ALMOST been a week since I posted some feed-back.
I apologize, humbly.

I'm doing a lot of writing currently (Mostly on my Resume), and programming.
My Programming mind, and my game analytical mind eat up the same parts of my brain, and I'm being rendered mostly a dufus at the end of my day.

These are NOT excuses. I'm informing you of my progress.
I currently have 3 items prepped with feedback, but I want to post between 5~10 at a time.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Tothric

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Coin of Chance

Feedback:

First impression:
Coin flipping!
Feelings:
Ok, I loved this item. But I like a bit of random in my games. Which means, chances are you lost votes. People want items that they can count on, and while I would LOVE to use an item of chance, I don’t want to risk pissing off my allies because of a bad turn of fate.
This item pushes onto “drawback” territory. Which is bad for collecting hard votes. This could be considered a “curse” item. With the benefit being exactly as good as it’s draw back.

Would I publish Had I the Power:
Yes. In a book filled with items that were all about chance!

Axe of the Roaring Crowd

Feedback:

First impression:
Hooked axe neat!
Feelings:
Yeah! ALL the performance! I love the performance Combat stuff! I’m all about this! This is a steam-roll axe though. Oh, I so badly want an adventure path with gladiatorial combat involved, and the politics there-in.
Some of my favorite fighting games are ALL about gladiatorial games. 
And this item hits on those feelings. However, I do know where you lost your votes, and it is unfortunately on my FAVORITE part of this item. It’s the performance combat portion. This axe does NOT help a regular adventurer at all. It allows an adventure to turn a regular fight INTO a performance combat, which is NICE! But it’s not exactly helpful to most adventures’.
I really enjoy this item, unfortunately; it plays on a SMALL segment of the rules, and not a major campaign.
Would I publish Had I the Power:
Yeah, for an adventure about Performance Combat.

Boots of the Swarming Mischief

Feedback:

First impression:
HAMLIN! What are you doing in my Pathfinder!?
Feelings:
Ok, so for those of you who don’t know who Hamlin is, it’s a Malifaux/Pied Piper reference. I know some people who like rats enough to LOVE this item. However, crawling rats all over my person, that’s probably costing you some votes, as having one rat crawling on you CAN be alarming. Though I expect, if your going to use this item, you will love the animal.
The granting the wearer swarm qualities, or finding a way to grant a PC swarm qualities without becoming a swarm, is a good niche. I’ve always wanted to play a swarm, and now for a little bit I can.
Who doesn’t love swarms of things!?
The extra disguise bonus at the end is a nice touch. Over all this item wraps itself in an admittedly kind of disgusting package. But that’s ok, the package wants to be disgusting.
Would I publish Had I the Power:
Yes.

Shah’s Hookah
Feedback:

First impression:
Hookahs? What even?
Feelings:
A friend had to explain to me what a hookah was. Which while as embarrassed as I am (I live near what I now know as a Hookah bar), I couldn’t find a player driven use for this item. Now in a fallout game, where drugs can do WONDERFUL things for the player, I can see a use but in pathfinder, I admit… I don’t know much about the in world drugs and just what they do besides provide a means to poison someone, or polypurpose panacea.
I don’t see drugs very often in pathfinder, or if I do, they are pretty much strictly background to what is going on. Can players use them to develop a character more fully, sure… but I don’t see that too often. So, I believe if MY games are typical (And I admit, they may not be) that is why you lost votes.
Also; while leaving a lot up to GM’s discretion is a good idea, leaving MECHANICAL DO’s and DON’TS up to the gm is not a good idea. You are now thrusting some of the responsibility as a designer on a GM to figure out what is allowable for the price point you present. That’s just going to slow a game down. GM’s are going to change what they want, but do give them a spring board to work off of.
Would I publish Had I the Power:
Not for pathfinder, for a different game where such themes are more prevalent, possibly!

Replication Hammer
Feedback:

First impression:
Weapon-Bane Weapon!
Feelings:
So, I have mixed feelings about this weapon. I have a love/hate feeling for this item. I love the weapon’s ability to ruin magical weapons. I don’t like that it steals abilities.
I like the ability to take special abilities from weapons, I don’t like that they last forever.
I like that this is a hammer, I don’t like that it isn’t adamantine (the material for breaking other materials.)
See, I have mixed feelings for this weapon. I am not sure how EXACTLY I feel about it. I would have liked to see some dialog about ignoring hardness increase for magical items or something, but then I think about it and I realize, maybe that would have made the weapon too powerful. Then I think, all it needs to do is break a really powerful enhancement, and it’s to powerful.
This is a neat idea. It needed more time to be played with mentally. I just really can’t know how I feel about it. I’m sure other people had mixed feelings about it. What I really think stole your votes, was that this item didn’t have a duration for stolen abilities… so if you thought you’d be clever and steal brilliant energy somehow… now your weapon is KINDA super boned.
Would I publish Had I the Power:
Not until it was re-written and I Had more solid feelings about it.

Bloodseeker Sword

Feedback:

First impression:
NOPE sword!
Feelings:
This is a weapon that has a drawback that isn’t a draw back. All it takes is a good cleric with a well-timed channel to undo ALL the cost of this weapon. Oh no! I did 6 bleed to myself… channel… ok cool, now I have 1 extra attack, AND I got healed about 22 extra points of damage. This is because at the level of the weapon is priced at, the Channel Positive Energy is healing several D6, and likely is being enhanced by feats and magical items.
Because of party dynamics, this weapon effectively does not have a drawback. Also; the ability to gain temp-hp from hitting someone is a neat ability, but it doesn’t matter when CLEARLY the better part of this item is to take 10 points of damage to decapitate on crits. Which, you know, is really sweet.
This item MIGHT have been fine enough, without the HP trading for special powers. Temp HP when you hit something is nice damage mitigation. In fact, that would be a really cool power for a shield. (Shield-bashing = temp HP! Protection shields go go!)
But, the major idea here, is a hunger vampire sword that trades blood for power… and the price per power point isn’t really all that steep and can be completely negated with a good oracle or cleric, or even a really clever application of a cure light wounds potion.
I think, you swung really really hard for cool factor, and then flopped on your costing. Perhaps, this item could use “kills” with the sword to get temp buffs, and the “kills” fade each day… but that just perpetuates the stereotype of murder hobo, and makes this item into PLOT ITEM territory.
On the positive note though, your mechanical writing is clearly written, and there is no mistaking how long the benefit lasts, which is very important. The description is nice, and the clarity is compelling. I would love to see you execute a different item.
Would I publish Had I the Power:
Not right now.

Revealing Ink

Feedback:

First impression:
Invisibility purge Ink!
Feelings:
I like that this could be used to interrogate. That’s great. The problem with this item is I feel like it’s unclear on exactly what it does.
I’ve read this item two or three times, and I’m NOT Sure if the first paragraph has a power hidden it. It just states that is has enough ink that it could cover 111 pages. The ink smells a specific way based on the opinion of the smeller? Based on? Opinions on-what?
How do we determine what topics change the smell? Is it topics the ink is written on? When does the ink change smells? When the written topic changes? Or is it purely verbal?
That’s a big source of confusion for me. How does the user know when the smell changes for someone else?
This item’s second paragraph is A LOT clearer as to what the power does near the very beginning. However; when it starts to talk about the ink blot, it starts to lose me. “Success is automatic” is obfuscating what exactly is going on, success on what? The will save? Then why is the will save there? No that isn’t possible… because you are now talking about a bluff check. So, I think I REALLY missed some important words there, that didn’t clue me in on what was going on. Why do I make the bluff check? Why does it automatically succeed? Why doesn’t this operate based on asking someone a question, and forcing them to vomit out the answer in ink… and each question is a page of the 11 pages of ink they swallowed?

This may be me, not reading properly, but perhaps extra clarity on the re-write is a good idea!
Would I publish Had I the Power:
Ummm… it needs clarification, then I’d consider it.

Security Blanket

Feedback:

First impression:
Is this a joke?
Feelings:
No. NO it isn’t. If you are going to submit a joke item, THIS IS THE BENCHMARK FOR QUALITY. This item I laughed and laughed when I first read. This is a fun item.
This is how a joke should be presented. It’s a serious item, and it has clear effects. Removing Fear is a great effect, and as a blanket, this is pretty much a perfect noble’s solution to a child that refuses to sleep at night. It’s a LITTLE too expensive for such use though, this is definitely an adventure’s item.
I cannot improve this item. You are beyond my skills to improve good sir or madam. The only suggestion is making it once a day, and making it MUCH cheaper so that some nobles would be able to purchase this for children…
Seriously… that’s it. I can’t think of any reason why this didn’t get more votes besides “Is this a joke” reactions.
Would I publish Had I the Power:
G!@ D#%N YES, NOT ENOUGH YES!

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Tothric

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Crystal of the Gathered Mind

Feedback:

First impression:
I’m not sure what’s going on here.
Feelings:
So, this item lets me use someone else’s Intelligence, Wisdom and charisma skills checks for 10 minutes. I’m stealing the mind of another, and the other person is taxed for having done so.
I’m still REALLY confused on how to bind this item to someone. If I’m reading it correct, I use this item as a “focus” for spells or abilities, and target someone with it.

Is this an Occult item? I read about one of those classes needing Focus’s to do things. But outside of that; what am I doing? And chances are, if I AM an Occult adventurer, my Intelligence, Wisdom or Charisma are going to be pretty good, right? So why would I want a dumpy ol’ fighters useless brain? Oh!? It’s SKILL bonus I’m stealing? But… If I’m a spell caster, or an occult person… chances are my mental skills are better than someone I’m going to blast with this item… and just how many people can I attach to this item anyway? Near the end, this item can be used as a divine focus? Isn’t that a Holy Symbol? Couldn’t’ this just be a Holy Symbol and just… clear up some confusion!
THAT is a good design space, there are not enough really cool Holy Symbols. But still, Clerics and Oracles have decent Skill blocks… so…why would I want to use someone else’s mental skills?

I get the feeling I COMPLETELY missed what this item is trying to do. That may not be you, it might be me. I need more information before I CAN TRULY understand what this item does. Or an example of what you want this item to do. If I need that, other voters needed it for sure; on some level.

Now don’t get me wrong, this is a COOL item, and if you could say… attach this to a sword and have the sword pull the skill ranks from someone it touches, now fighters and rogues could pull from the intellectual pools of wizards and clerics, which would be a good use to pool resources. However, as is; I am left very confused.
Would I publish Had I the Power:
Rework this item. it took me way too long to understand.

Flood in a Bag

Feedback:

First impression:
Water, Water everywhere, and all the drops to drink!
Feelings:
This item definitely did not need scaling power levels. This item is just a RUSH of water. It’s… hydraulic push the spell, in bag form. However, it’s written in such a way that it doesn’t mimic the spell at all. It certainly creates a flood.
Especially since this item doesn’t dictate how long the water lasts. Well, it states it generates water for 3 rounds after it’s opened in a specific way. I’m not sure if the water actually has a duration or if it just creates a huge pool of water.
Both are handy, one is just… more awesome. This item could SOLVE some plots just by being an endless supply of water.

However; it’s purpose is to push things around the battlefield. This I like. Especially when it uses creative terrain in a neat way. But I’m serious, this item doesn’t need increasing power levels; It could have been just a magic sack of water, that had charges per day. And the user could pump MORE charges into a particular stream.
Once more: This item is also a bag of holding? Why? That’s… not at all in line with the item’s theme. If it was a floatation sac, yeah, that might be neat. If it was a conch shell? Maybe? Or what about a brass pipe from a damn’s overflow network?
It’s a neat magical effect you got here: But it’s packaging, for lack of a better word, is another item and one that really is kinda odd.

I’m guessing at one point, you did fill a bag of holding with a bunch of water, and then dumped it on someone to great effect –or– a Player in your game did that, and you used these rules to resolve it, and decided it should be a magic item. I agree, but pairing the “new magic item” to a bag of holding feels kind of like pairing A Brief history of Time and Diehard in some shrink wrap and trying to sell them together as a Romance combo. Someone is going to like that combination of things, but… it sure won’t be everyone. If that came across as brutal, I didn’t mean too. They are just two completely different magical items, and this is the metaphor that comes to mind.
Would I publish Had I the Power:


Anticipation
Feedback:

First impression:
Anticipat…
Feelings:
This is a dragon-killing weapon, without the dragon-bane quality. What I mean is, this item is built around killing just ONE BIG THING. It does it very well. It gives you some great powers to fight ONE BIG THING. However; that doesn’t happen too often (Unless you’re playing one of my games, in which case, Have fun!)
The item’s name however; feels like it’s more of a defensive item, then anything else. The +2 bonus to AC towards one thing is offset by a -2 penalty to EVERYONE Else. Now… statistics tell us this is a bad trade. The more people you fight at once, the more of a penalty this actually is. Because the more likely you are to be attacked by everything else. Each other person in the fight has a +10% chance to hurt you now… while you focus on killing this ONE guy so good.
I mean, you are REALLY going to kill that guy, he doesn’t stand much of a chance unless it’s much higher CR then you. +5 to attack rolls and damage Rolls, is a lot faster, especially at that cost. The Iterative attacks alone will multiply the damage this weapon is dealing by 2 to 3 times.

So this weapon creates a sort of race to kill the thing before the thing’s buddies kill you. Which, again, isn’t a bad thing except now your falling into the drawback design trap. And this drawback is borderline lethal in big number fights. I would think with a name like anticipation, it would be more jumpy, more reactionary: but you didn’t fall into that design trap.

Would I publish Had I the Power:
Ation… no, not yet.


Stirgenest Quiver
Feedback:

First impression:
OH GOD THE BUZZING!
Feelings:
I want you to know… this quiver deals 20 con damage. 20. Think about this for a minute. 20.
What has less than 20 con? Pretty much anything that isn’t huge, or is under CR 12.
Now mind you, it deals the con damage 1 arrow at a time. And yeah, Con damage is REALLY cool. But it also makes this easier for MORE than one arrow to hit the target.
This weapon is a DR killer for bows. Which, is a big weakness to the archery attempts: You don’t’ deal lots of damage with arrows to anything that happens to have DR. But, this ignores that, and says: No you don’t get to have Con anymore.

Which is cool!
You also don’t say how long it takes for the nest to change the arrow, meaning it’s immediate. And now that I think about that; it means this thing can do LOTs more than 20… just 20 easily.

I digress though, otherwise this quiver is really well written. It’s clearly stated; the word choice is strong, and you can indicate that the Stirge-like qualities can fade easily. I think the lack of an indicator of how many “items” can have the stirge qualities at once is where you lost votes.

Oh, also the buzzing… who would wear something that is SO LOUD it provides a penalty to stealth… all the time. Think about even listening to that buzzing for 20 seconds, solid. Ever sit and listen to static on the TV for 20 seconds solid? No. You almost immediately change it… and that buzzing… that’s all the time while it has ANY ammo on it. I get shivers thinking about the buzzing.
Would I publish Had I the Power:
Hmmm… I’m on the fence, it does require SOME re-writing though.

Atlatl of Volcanic Eruption

Feedback:

First impression:
HOLD ON! I’m listing to my lottery numbers see if I can afford this item!
Feelings:
Give me a minute. This is an Atlatl that summons a freaking VALCANO!? Woah, seriously. Nice play off obsidian being called “volcanic glass” by the way. Ok. I like summoning a volcano, and I had to look up what a caldera is. Looking up a word is nice. I learned a new word today, but that’s TODAY… not during voting. I got 60 seconds to understand your item.
You can prove your mastery of the written word using simpler terms. So… this Item creates volcanic cavity, and if I’m reading your item, it ONLY damages a creature if they attempt to escape the cavity, they take damage. What if they stay still? Well on a re-read I found out they take 4d6 each round… but teleporting out takes 16d6? Why? And… your final wording there is confusing.
People leaving the Caldera take half damage each round? Does the damage half each turn? Is it half of the basic damage?

Hitting someone with Magma is SUPER cool! Though, I think the primary thing that cost you votes, is your price, compared to how complicated the effect is. Your Cost (level ranges of 16~20) is your primary hurdle for getting voter attention, and the ability, (Creating a volcanic cavity from which spews lava!) is a little complicated.
Now lets think about using this item at levels 16~20 when your out of charges for the day. I have a +1 flaming atlatl? So I’m doing at max, 1d6+1+1d6 fire damage + strength? At that level, this item is back-up at best once the charges are used. And you REALLY need to use the charges at this level. So… this is a largely a reconsider item. It’s full of cool, but in the end, the cool seems to complicate it to mmuch.
Would I publish Had I the Power:
Ehhhh… I’m on the fence… needs reworking.

Fragmenting Quarterstaff

Feedback:

First impression:
Neat! Chain staff!
Feelings:
This quarter staff has a few issues. The Primary issue with this item is that it falls into the “What am I doing while my item does it’s thing” bit. I break my quarterstaff apart, and fling it. Now it’s animated and attacking people. But it doesn’t ell me what kind of action it is to direct it. Just that it is directed.
Am I spending my turns ordering the staves to attack?
Next issue that I see, is that the staff is doing it’s thing for 11 rounds. 10 rounds of being animated, 1 round of returning. What is the Player doing during these 11 rounds if this weapon is it’s primary weapon?
Note, that MOST quarterstaves are wielded by wizards… some by monks, and some by fighters, and others by really weird Rangers and a few by Druids, and some others, but those are the most common in order as I understand. This problem would be resolved if we knew what KIND of action it was to direct the parts. If it were a free action to direct the staves, Wizards would be flinging spells, and monks would be doing Unarmed Jazz. Everything BESIDES casters (and monks) would be hurting for things to do if this was a primary weapon, which you can argue for the 20+k gold price.
Last issue is MOSTLY minor. Fractions. Fractions are not hard, but they are “non-conventional” math for Pathfinder. ½ is normal for Pathfinder as it’s what happens when you succeed saves. But 1/3rd is an odd fraction, especially for 1d8+1+strength. A better design decision might be that a ½ segment deals a d6+1, and a 1/3rd deals 1d4+1. Die steps are nice. This means, that when the item uses it’s special power: it actually does More total damage; since it can only be done once per day, this enhances the power of the actual weapon temporarily making it more worth using. Because 2 times ½ = 1, and 3 times 1/3 = 1… you’re not actually changing anything besides the staff being animated.
Which honestly, might as well be a “dancing” quality. What makes this different from the dancing quality is that it can be elsewhere. Which is neat… but again: reminiscent of the dancing quality.
Anywho: You have a NEAT idea for an item here. I like the idea of the image here. The problem I feel was that first one, which chain reacted into many others.
Would I publish Had I the Power:
Not as is.

Cloak of Nine Lives

Feedback:

First impression:
Kitty has claws! You do not know how many of my conversations revolved around this item.
Feelings:
So: this item is really well written. It’s solid, it’s got powerful imagry, it’s seriously the cloak that I saw on the most keep lists. You SHOULD be proud. I was 99% sure you were going to be top 32. I honestly have no idea why you didn’t make it… until I started reading your item really carefully.
“The rest does not need to be consecutive.”
This line; if cut, should make top 32 for sure. Here is why:
You are adding way more bookkeeping, you are adding a lot of nuance, AND you are creating situations where people rest 7.9 hours… and then, rest 3 minutes immediately after consuming all 9 charges, to get all the powers back. Or a serious player would make all rest on their sheet tallying when to really expend the powers of the cloak. That last line opens up LOTS of abuse. And I feel it is that last line that cost you a crucial vote or two from being top 32. It is SERIOUSLY sad that a single line could cause so much trouble, but it does.
However; don’t let that stop you. You made one AMAZING item. I congratulate you.
Would I publish Had I the Power:
Easily. This is ready to be published sans that ONE sentence.

Item Name Avatar of the Elements (Air, Earth, Fire, or Water)

Feedback:

First impression:
Item Set here!
Feelings:
Well; item sets are not superstar. An item has to stand by itself. And really, you introduced 4 items with this item. One for each element. That’s NOT a bad thing, it’s just not good for this competition. Which is unfortunate, because this is a solid item.
This could make a really good magic item compendium. However, because you wrote your item so that it could apply to ANY of the 4 elements, you failed to make ONE particularly amazing. What would have been better, is if you focused on ONE particular element. Don’t hint that others could exist, just that ONE. Let it shine. And then you have 3 other magic items that you could create to stand out on each one’s own merit.
However, your mechanics are clear enough. Positive dominate plane sounds… off, but that’s because planer stuff in Pathfinder is unique and I don’t know much about it, admittedly.

But I think the thing that really caused you some trouble is that you could come up with powers that stand out because you tried to make them applies to all 4 elements. So it comes up a little like a spell-in-a-can (elemental body) and a healing item (fast healing) which don’t play off your central theme. Your central theme is elemental cloaks, but since you didn’t focus on a specific element, you couldn’t play off of it correctly. Enough about that though, you have strong writing here. Just was used in the wrong way.

Would I publish Had I the Power:
Re-write required.

Greenwarden Gauntlet

Feedback:

First impression:
Druid gauntlets!
Feelings:
I like the ability to animate trees, however: I don’t like that it is implied that I need two of these items to make the animate tree function.
I have to spend over 140,000gp to animate a freaking tree. That is level 17~20 territory right there. For a “neat” once a day ability. Animated Trees are NOT CR 17… that I know of. Nope, Treants are definitely CR 8. So… not only do I have 2 +2 gauntlets, I can animate 1 tree, once a day, AND I only get +2 natural armor. Which… Is nice… but definitely not for 140k worthy nice. Though, I’m not sure where your pricing came in. I MAY be wrong.
Seriously: Why is a +2 gauntlet over 70K? I could imagine with the paried abilities, this could be 10k… but as written, as I understand it, it just functions as a +2 gauntlet until you buy a second one. This boggles my mind. Greenwood just costs 50 gold extra per pound, so it isn’t that. So, I’m left confused. Otherwise, this is written really well. The mechanics are clear, I don’t have questions about how things function except, why do I need a pair!?
Would I publish Had I the Power:
Maybe with cost re-evaluation.

Gebbite Officer's Shield
Feedback:

First impression:
Geb’s shield!? Guardian of Earth!?
Feelings:
Ok, I will admit, I didn’t know Geb was a country in Golarion until after the competition. And I still do not know a lot about nex. But I took this as an “anti caster” shield, after really trying hard to shift my mental effort from Geb. Yeah, that’s where My mind went first. But, as an anti-caster shield it was nice.
Perhaps the Ray Shield feat could have been used instead of shield bash. But, that’s me. I like the Ray Shield. That screams “Protection” to me. However, creating a zone of silence is REALLY nice. You made a lot of sound choices here though, I think the worst choice in making this item was trying to tie it to a golarian country. You risked people not knowing the country (Like me) or missing the feel for the country.
However; this would have been a great magical item to feature in such a country, and would be good in a book about said country.
Would I publish Had I the Power:
Yeah.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Tothric

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Sorry about the delay in feedback folks. Life is picking up steam.
I started trying to help out with Extra-Life (Which is really cool if you haven't checked it out!)
I also have my twitch channel which has been eating more time recently, as I've been trying to get equipment so I can run Pathfinder games via Skype or OTHER programs.

Because, I'd like to share how much of an awesome GM I am with the world.

That's neither here nor there. The feed-back is coming. It's just a little slower then I'd want it to be.

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