Blazing 9! (season 10 prep)

[Kobold Catgirl]

I removed the old "drawback" (the quiver used to buzz when projectiles were placed inside). I gave it the "shoulders" slot to try to make up for how conveniently it stacks onto weaponry.

Stirgenest Quiver
Aura moderate transmutation and necromancy; CL 11th
Slot shoulders; Price 9,800 gp; Weight 4 lbs.
Description
Closely resembling a massively bloated hornet's nest, the stirgenest quiver is able to contain up to 20 arrows, bolts, or light piercing throwing weapons. When placed inside, valid projectiles take on noticeably insectile properties: Weapon points become longer and thinner like probosces, little spindly legs emerge, and two pairs of vestigial wings appear, flapping weakly on the sides of each weapon. These changes do not adversely affect use.

When an affected projectile hits a target, its legs latch on, and the proboscis sinks in. Each projectile inflicts a -1 penalty to the target's Constitution score. This penalty stacks with itself*. Additionally, further attacks with affected projectiles against the target benefit from a "feeding frenzy", gaining an insight bonus to hit equal to the number of projectiles already latched onto the target. This bonus cannot exceed +5. Extracting a projectile is a move action that reduces the penalties by one.

If a projectile removed from the quiver goes 1 minute without inflicting a Constitution penalty, its stirge-like qualities rapidly fade. The quiver can transform 20 projectiles per day.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, animate objects, bleed; Cost 4,900 gp

*Just a note for the sake of this thread: Ability penalties cannot reduce a score to 0. I got a lot of comments about this. In fairness, it's a slightly obscure rule, but I just want to save people some trouble here. Probably shouldn't have leaned on it for a Superstar entry.

What I'm really wondering about is pricing, which I've always had a problem with.

[Kobold Catgirl]

Kate Baker wrote:

Shield of Gruesome Visions
Aura faint illusion; This is a really sticky issue. You have three schools here (Transmutation, Necromancy and Illusion). There's a whole mess of ways to handle multiple schools. First, if there were only two schools, you'd say "faint _____ and _____". Past there, though, it's either "faint varied" or, much more rarely, "faint (many schools)". The latter has only ever applied to the "Strand of prayer beads", though. "Varied" is the best bet. CL 5th
Slot shield; Price 3,500 gp; Weight 15 lbs.
Description
The surface of this +1 bashing heavy steel shield is impossibly smooth and painted white, accentuating numerous faint bloodstains which rearrange when no one is watching.

After making a successful shield bash, the bearer can choose to use the shield's power against that opponent. The bloodstains on the surface darken and coalesce into a scene of the shield's bearer brutally killing the target. The scene is so disturbing that the target is frightened for 1d4 rounds. A DC 11 Will save negates the effect. Personally, I would phrase it as "the target must make a DC 11 Will save or... The target must be able to see the shield for the ability to work. Clunky wording. I would swap "work" with "function", or maybe "have effect". Alternatively, "a target that cannot see the shield is immune to this effect". Against an opponent who fails the Will save, the shield's bearer may, as an immediate action, attempt an Intimidate check with a +2 competence bonus to change the target's condition to panicked. I like the idea behind this, and I'm certainly no expert, but it feels like this is piling things on a bit. It's a clever mechanic, but it feels a bit unnecessary here. Love to get a second opinion on this. The bearer can use the shield's ability three times per day.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, bull's strength, cause fear, silent image; Cost 1,750 gp Ah, the old "Cost vs. Price Magic Weapon" trick. Let me see if I remember how this goes. When it's a magic weapon or armor or shield, Cost will never be evenly half of the Price. This is because you also have to cover the expenses for the shield and armor. That adds the gp value for "Masterwork Heavy Steel Shield" to both Price and Cost (so, +170 gp to both, I think?).

Jarrett Sigler wrote:

Northern Wind’s Sting
Aura moderate evocation; This is a really sticky issue. You have three schools here (Transmutation, Conjuration and Evocation). There's a whole mess of ways to handle multiple schools. First, if there were only two schools, you'd say "faint _____ and _____". Past there, though, it's either "faint varied" or, much more rarely, "faint (many schools)". The latter has only ever applied to the "Strand of prayer beads", though. "Varied" is the best bet. CL 5th
Slot none; Price 20,235 gp; Weight —.
Description
A shard of wood that is cold to the touch, thin ice-blue kestrel tails of paint ["kestrel tails of paint"? I assumed this meant feathers, but now it sounds like it's just kestrel feather patterns. Unclear"] adorn the fins of this oaken frost-caked ["frost-caked" might be redundant, or might make the first clause of this sentence redundant, depending. Regardless, "caked" isn't the best word here. "Rimed" might be closer"] dart. This +1 icy burst dart emits small snowflakes that drift a few inches from it’s its tip.
Yeah, I'd rewrite this whole intro (particularly to avoid repetition on how it's icy and the word "dart"). For instance, start with "Thin ice-blue kestrel tails of paint adorn the fins of this oaken frost-rimed shard of wood." And that's the whole description. Save the word "dart" for when you give the technical item info. And we don't need to know it's cold when you tell us it's frost-rimed and emitting snowflakes.

As part of a full-attack action, when this dart is thrown it coalesces into a large icy shard that bursts on [word missing?] into a shower of jagged ice. The entire damage of the weapon is considered cold damage.
Two major problems here. First, why "as part of a full-attack action"? Are you assuming they have multiple darts? If so, that's not great, since you should never create an item that depends on being in a set if it doesn't automatically come in a set. I'd say scrap the "full-attack" bit entirely.
The second problem is a bit dodgy, and I had a lot of trouble getting this down in a lucid way. Making it pure ice damage makes it feel a bit pointless to give it "icy burst", for one thing. It goes from being "I deal extra damage that's cold!" to "I add +1d6 to damage, or +1d10 on a crit". And is that the only power of this weapon? It basically turns into a fairly bland ice spell.

After being thrown, a single ice shard from the attack can be recovered. When submerged in water, or exposed to a cold wind, the ice shard returns to it’s its dart form.
A bit inconvenient, but flavorful enough. I like it.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magical Arms and Armor, bomber’s eye, ice slick, snowball; Cost 10,117 gp Ah, the old "Cost vs. Price Magic Weapon" trick. Let me see if I remember how this goes. When it's a magic weapon or armor or shield, Cost will never be evenly half of the Price. This is because you also have to cover the expenses for the shield and armor. That adds the gp value for "Masterwork Dart" to both Price and Cost.

Also, question for the crowd: The Caster Level of an object is always that required for the highest-level spell on the list, right? I thought that was a case, but I've seen some exceptions. If so, though, both these items need to check that as well.

[Mikko Kallio]

Kate Baker wrote:

Well, I think it needs some more tweaking, but it's probably at a good point for more feedback. Here is version 2.

Shield of Gruesome Visions
Aura faint illusion; CL 5th
Slot shield; Price 3,500 gp; Weight 15 lbs.
Description
The surface of this +1 bashing heavy steel shield is impossibly smooth and painted white, accentuating numerous faint bloodstains which rearrange when no one is watching.

After making a successful shield bash, the bearer can choose to use the shield's power against that opponent. The bloodstains on the surface darken and coalesce into a scene of the shield's bearer brutally killing the target. The scene is so disturbing that the target is frightened for 1d4 rounds. A DC 11 Will save negates the effect. The target must be able to see the shield for the ability to work. Against an opponent who fails the Will save, the shield's bearer may, as an immediate action, attempt an Intimidate check with a +2 competence bonus to change the target's condition to panicked. The bearer can use the shield's ability three times per day.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, bull's strength, cause fear, silent image; Cost 1,750 gp

I'm glad to see that new folks have joined Blazing 9! Here are a few comments on the shield. Since the formatting mistakes were fixed between versions 1 and 2, I'll focus on commenting on the broader strokes in your design.

1) There's a disconnect between form and function. Shields are round, oblong, or rectangular objects that can be used for protection or as a weapon. The effect is a vision (flavor/theme) that scares (mechanics) the target. Neither the flavor or the mechanics have any relation to the base item's shape, function, or symbolism.

Compare that to a tower shield that you can turn into a wall or tower? (A wall or tower protects, and the shape of a wall is similar to the shape of a tower shield, whereas a tower ... shield... well it's punny, but at least there's a thematic connection between towers and tower shields.)

Or a bashing shield that creates a line- or cone-shaped shock wave that sends your foes flying (Boom! Bull Rush everyone without having to move with the targets!) when you charge and shield-bash an opponent?

Having that kind of connection between the item's form and function is not an absolute requirement, but it usually makes an item a lot better.

2) Mechanically, the item is still a Spell-in-a-Can (it still duplicates the spell's effect even though the spell is not mentioned). The item also fails the litmus test I mentioned a few posts ago; there are looooots of items, spells, and abilities that can make a creature frightened or panicked. The main difference is that this one requires three checks to get there. (Btw, the DC for the Intimidate check is missing--you probably intended it to work like demoralize, but we cannot be sure since it's not mentioned.)

Unfortunately, the best piece of advice I can give is to go back to the drawing board. If you want to design a shield, try to think up sufficiently shieldy things for the effect. If you want to build an item around the theme of scaring a foe, try to come up with an effect that's something different than "the foe runs away for x rounds".

Heh, here's a unique (though admittedly a bit too silly) fear effect for you: the base item is a weapon with the disarm feature; 3/day when you successfully disarm a foe with the weapon, the foe's weapon animates and starts running away. :-D

I hope that helps!

[Kobold Catgirl]

I'm always giving out critiques, feeling like I did a decent job, then seeing someone else's critique and realizing they summed up like ten things I couldn't even put to words.

Well-said, Mikko.

Also, I love the "makes weapons run away" idea. Not enough to use it in Superstar, but definitely enough to use it in a game.

[Joe Kondrak]

Northern Wind’s Sting:

Jarrett, others have covered some of the language and formatting issues, so I won't address those aspects. I like the imagery and theme well enough, but the mechanics seem a little complicated. I think I'd like the dart more if its mechanics were more elegant, and its ability more unique (something with more of a wow factor when you successfully hit with the dart, possibly as a single-use dart).

Shield of Gruesome Visions:

Kate, I think it's better after revisions, but there are still some areas that need work. First, I tend to agree with Mikko regarding the disconnect between its form and function. This relates to the general idea of slot affinity (for example magic headbands tend to relate to mental effects, boots lean towards movement effects, and so on). Putting that aside, for your item as-written, you could rearrange and reword some parts to be more concise. Here's one example: at the end you write, "The bearer can use the shield's ability three times per day." If you combined that with the paragraph's first couple lines, you could save some words and make the whole passage smoother to read. If I were tasked with editing that, I would start the paragraph something like this (very roughly), "Three times per day, upon making a successful shield bash attack, the wielder can cause the bloodstains on the shield's surface to coalesce into a disturbing scene as a free action."

Also, your price should not be exactly twice your cost, as both the price and cost need to include the value of a masterwork heavy steel shield.

Stirgenest Quiver:

KC, I really like the overall concept of arrows (and other ammo) taking on the qualities of stirges—it's a cool idea. Regarding the language and wording, I think it needs some work to make it more concise and smooth flowing.

Regarding the mechanics, what do you think of going with Con damage instead of a penalty, if the projectile isn't removed quickly (eg, at the end of its turn, a creature with an embedded projectile takes X)? As it's written, I assume the penalty lasts as long as the projectile is "embedded", but you might want to include text to that effect. Also, I like the bonuses for shooting at a target that already has "embedded" projectiles, but that part could use some re-wording, too. Overall, I know what's going on, but the mechanics in general could be more elegant.

One other thing, did you consider going with more of a summoning or polymorph-type of effect, along the lines of, "If you're damaged by one of these projectiles, it becomes a stirge in your space (an attached stirge if you fail a reflex save)?

I notice when I'm trying to give feedback on items, especially once I know that I like the core concept, my first impulse is to start editing it in my head. I don't have the time to keep up with a large amount or quick turnarounds, but if anyone participating in this thread specifically asks for an editing pass, I'd be willing to do that (for a limited number, according to my time available). It would help me practice my editing chops, and the author and myself might both learn something in the process (eg, is it better or worse after minor or wholesale changes?).

[Kobold Catgirl]

Just For Fun:

Shield of Arms Alarm
Aura moderate transmutation and necromancy; CL 11th
Slot shield; Price 11153 gp; Weight 15 lbs.
Description
The surface of this +2 heavy wooden bone shield is impossibly smooth and carved out of the interior of some enormous mollusk's shell, accentuating numerous faint bloodstains which rearrange when no one is watching. Strangely, its concave side faces outward.

Three per day, when a foe within 20 feet misses the bearer by less than 5, the bearer can choose to use the shield's power against that opponent. The bloodstains on the surface darken and coalesce into a scene of the foe's weapon breaking against the shield's surface. The scene is so disturbing that the target's weapon must make a DC 19 Will save. If this save fails, the weapon is animated for 1d6+1 rounds, as per animate objects. The animated weapon is considered to be grappled by the wielder, and the wielder must make a grapple check each round to keep hold of it. Unlike in normal grappling, this grapple maintaining check is only a swift action, and the wielder can continue to make attacks at a -4 penalty as long as they keep control of the grapple.

If the weapon escapes the grapple, it flees the scene at maximum speed, and continues fleeing until out of sight of the shield or until the effect ends.

This ability has no effect on natural weapons or non-weapon attacks. It does not function on thrown weapons unless they are being retrieved via a blinkback belt or the returning weapon property.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, animate objects, symbol of fear; Cost 5,653 gp

I may offer this up as an actual Blazing 9 item next month, but for now, like the title says, just for fun. :P

[Kobold Catgirl]

Response to Stirgenest Quiver Critique:

Joe Kondrak wrote:

KC, I really like the overall concept of arrows (and other ammo) taking on the qualities of stirges—it's a cool idea. Regarding the language and wording, I think it needs some work to make it more concise and smooth flowing.

Yeah, I've had a lot of trouble getting it to flow well.

Quote:

Regarding the mechanics, what do you think of going with Con damage instead of a penalty, if the projectile isn't removed quickly (eg, at the end of its turn, a creature with an embedded projectile takes X)?

I mainly prefer a penalty because I think it's a bit too good as actual damage. I also think the penalty lends itself better to the premise of removing the projectile to remove the drawback. Without that, it forces the enemy to use all their actions to take the projectiles out to avoid a debuff. I dunno, I'm ambivalent on it.

Quote:

As it's written, I assume the penalty lasts as long as the projectile is "embedded", but you might want to include text to that effect.

Good point. That is what I intended, but it could be clarified. "This penalty lasts until removed as a move action" or something like that.

Quote:

Also, I like the bonuses for shooting at a target that already has "embedded" projectiles, but that part could use some re-wording, too. Overall, I know what's going on, but the mechanics in general could be more elegant.

Yeah, the elegance is the hard part for me.

Quote:

One other thing, did you consider going with more of a summoning or polymorph-type of effect, along the lines of, "If you're damaged by one of these projectiles, it becomes a stirge in your space (an attached stirge if you fail a reflex save)?

I did! I think I ended up going with this because someone told me that "arrows turn into stirges" was a bit too Monster-In-A-Can and wasn't really "Superstar". I sort of personally prefer it with them turning into stirges, though—simpler rules, clearer visuals. My main visual coming into this was of an archer peppering a larger foe with tons of little stirge-arrows.

Joe Kondrak wrote:

I notice when I'm trying to give feedback on items, especially once I know that I like the core concept, my first impulse is to start editing it in my head. I don't have the time to keep up with a large amount or quick turnarounds, but if anyone participating in this thread specifically asks for an editing pass, I'd be willing to do that (for a limited number, according to my time available). It would help me practice my editing chops, and the author and myself might both learn something in the process (eg, is it better or worse after minor or wholesale changes?).

I'd love that, honestly, but I'll step aside if anybody else wants in on this.

[Kate Baker]

Well, at least I graduated from template errors to higher level design mistakes!

I appreciate all the comments. I probably won't take another turn on this one unless I think of something clever, but all the feedback on where this one went wrong will help me on the next one, especially Mikko's comments about form and function.

Joe, that is a generous offer, but I would rather take you up on it for a later item, if that's okay.

[Joe Kondrak]

KC - will do (it'll be in the next few days, as I'm a little busy at work today...into tomorrow)

Kate, that's certainly OK with me.

[Template Fu]

Kobold Cleaver wrote:

Just For Fun

munch munch munch:

munch 1 - commas in price - cost was right but not price - doh!

munch 2 - heavy steel shields are 15lbs - check out the Winged Shield in the Core Rules - this too is a heavy wooden shield and is only 10lbs - always maintain consistency with existing item weights!

munch 3 - "heavy wooden bone"? - so is it bone or wood or both? Bone is often lighter than wood so again a reason to drop to 10lbs.

munch 4 - not sure about "out of sight" - how far can a shield "see" - you might want to add a minimum distance to this fleeing part otherwise on an open plain for example, the poor PC could lose his weapon for a distance of miles to the horizon.

*waddles off patting a full tummy, a contended smile upon his face*

I'll have a deeper look later, but those were the first things I noticed. An unusual disarm mechanic - I quite like it.

[Kobold Catgirl]

As fair and biting a critique as always, you gluttonous abomination, you. Is it appropriate to refer to a "heavy wooden shield" crafted of bone as a "heavy bone shield"?

Also, would "line of sight" be a more apt phrasing?

[Template Fu]

Crafted of bone implies it is made solely of bone with no wood, so yes, I would call it a "heavy bone shield" and maintain consistency with the wooden 10lbs weight.

Some might argue it should be 15lbs, but I just don't think bone is as heavy as steel so for me, 10lbs feels right - and as with the public vote, if it feels right it gains votes.

This change eliminates all the confusion on the shield construction :)

Line of sight is definitely the better term to use.

I thought harder on the max range and decided I was wrong - we have a limited rounds of animation which implies a max distance but this made me realise something else is missing... it flees at maximum speed... so... what is the speed of an animated weapon?

The animate spell doesn't quote a speed, so that doesn't help. Gah! But joy, quoting a speed takes the animation a little more out of SIAC territory. Yeah, specify a speed for the animated weapon when fleeing.

One last one, what if the weapon targeted is an active dancing weapon - would the rounds of animation supersede the remaining rounds of dancing animation or would they stack?

[Jacob W. Michaels]

For Superstar purposes, I might be a little careful with bone, since I'd be worried not everyone who's voting would recognize that. Perhaps calling out Ultimate Equipment as the reference point?

[Kobold Catgirl]

Oh my goodness this is so complicated how about I just

just

Rock
Aura faint illusion; CL 1st
Slot Template Fu can insert it up its none; Price 10 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Closely resembling a rock, this rock really is just a rock. Despite its aura, it does absolutely nothing. But it sure doesn't break any templates!
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Nystul's magic aura; Cost 5 gp

there I'm done Superstar me already.

But in serious, I definitely appreciate the criticism. Good things to watch out for! I think dancing weapons might get a bonus on their saves (or maybe a penalty) but otherwise run out their durations normally.

[Brigg]

Kobold Cleaver wrote:

Oh my goodness this is so complicated how about I just

just

Rock
Aura faint illusion; CL 1st
Slot Template Fu can insert it up its none; Price 10 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Closely resembling a rock, this rock really is just a rock. Despite its aura, it does absolutely nothing. But it sure doesn't break any templates!
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Nystul's magic aura; Cost 5 gp

there I'm done Superstar me already.

But in serious, I definitely appreciate the criticism. Good things to watch out for! I think dancing weapons might get a bonus on their saves (or maybe a penalty) but otherwise run out their durations normally.

You're making me want to start a new RPGSS Mad-lib. >.>

[Template Fu]

Kobold Cleaver wrote:

Oh my goodness this is so complicated ...

And this is why I took 9 seasons to break Top 100! :P

So I do understand and empathise totally - keep practising, every new item brings new lessons and shows improvement.

[Jeff Hazuka]

Rock possible edit:

Rock
Aura faint illusion; CL 1st
Slot Template Fu can insert it up its none; Price 10 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Covered in runic filigree, this rock really is just a rock. Despite its aura, it does absolutely nothing. But it sure doesn't break any templates!
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Nystul's magic aura; Cost 5 gp

I hope that helps.

[Isaac Volynskiy]

Owen K. C. Stephens wrote:

...I'd *actually* probably command minions to create a PC race appropriate form of lizardfolk to make a core race...

Anyone want to say "Challenge accepted"?

Suppose a 600 word limit for a Bestiary style entry of a basic member of such a race, or if you prefer, the rules to play one as a PC (though I don't think that sort of thing has ever been a round in RPGSS).

[Kim Frandsen]

Interesting idea though Isaac. I'll take you up on this one, even if it's not a normal challenge.

[Kim Frandsen]

If you have not seen it yet, the open call for Wayfinder is now up. Thought you might like to know.

[Brigg]

Ooh! Where do I find info on that again?

[Kim Frandsen]

Here you go: http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2tjza?Community-Project-Wayfinder-16-Call-for#1

[Wren Brown]

linkified: Wayfinder 16 Open Call

[Joe Kondrak]

On Monday, I offered to do an editing pass (minor or wholesale) on an item or items in this thread. I thought it would be a fun exercise and good practice at the various aspects of design. KC took me up on my offer for his stirgenest quiver.

Well, I got carried away, and ended up doing more of a rewrite than an editing pass. I really like KC's concept, and found it very engaging to dig in. I make no claim that the rewrite is any better than KC's original, and instead hope that comparing the 2 versions will generate some good discussion. In general, I feel that rules language is my strongest area, and that my sense of mojo and balance both need work.

With that being said...

Here's my take on KC stirgenest quiver:

Stirgenest Quiver
Aura faint transmutation; CL 5th
Slot shoulders; Price 5,000 gp; Weight 4 lbs.
Description
Fashioned to resemble a hornet's nest, this larger-than-usual quiver is meant to be worn over both shoulders, and has several compartments allowing it to conveniently hold up to 10 pounds of any combination of arrows, crossbow bolts, or thrown weapons.

Once per round, when its owner draws an arrow, crossbow bolt, or thrown weapon that deals piercing damage from the quiver, the projectile takes on the appearance of a stirge (including the insectoid creature's blood-sucking proboscis) for 1 round. During this time, if the projectile strikes and damages a living creature, the creature must succeed at a DC 14 Fortitude saving throw to avoid the projectile sinking in and becoming attached. A creature with one or more of these projectiles attached to it suffers a –1 penalty to its Constitution for each attached projectile. Removing an attached projectile is a move action that provokes attacks of opportunity.

When making a ranged attack with a projectile or thrown weapon transformed by a stirgenest quiver, the attacker gains a +1 circumstance bonus on the attack roll (to a maximum of +5) for each projectile attached to the target creature. Attached projectiles that were drawn from another stirgenest quiver do not count for the purposes of this ability.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, greater magic fang, summon nature's ally I; Cost 2,500 gp

What do you think?

[Kim Frandsen]

Russ Brown wrote:

linkified: Wayfinder 16 Open Call

Sorry for the lack of link in the original post Russ. I was on a phone at the time. :(

[Brigg]

Thanks so much guys! I have a few ideas ^.^

[Mikko Kallio]

I haven't been able to write any magic items for the Blazing 9 thread in a long time, but there are a few items in Ultimate Intrigue that I designed: deck of doors, mask of stolen mien, pipe of revealing mists, prying star, and serpent's fang. Check them out! :)

[Jacob W. Michaels]

Serpent's fang, huh? ...

When I become a Paizo contributor, I'm designing a motteditor's red pen.

[Mikko Kallio]

Or Jacob's ladder? :-P

(A.k.a Sulam Yaakov)

[Anthony Adam]

Mikko Kallio wrote:

Or Jacob's ladder? :-P

(A.k.a Sulam Yaakov)

Lol, in the Uk, that's called "taking the Michael"

[Jarrett Sigler]

Mikko Kallio wrote:

Or Jacob's ladder? :-P

(A.k.a Sulam Yaakov)

That's probably one of my top 10 favorite movies. Easily one of my inspirations for horror game elements.

I spent a long time trying to emulate that horror... and that movie inspired one of my Favorite Video Games Of All Time:
The Silent Hill Series.

I would love a chance at adopting some of Silent Hill to a tabletop experience.

[Jarrett Sigler]

Hey folks:

Purple Duck games is having an Open Call!

The Information on Open Call.

[Kim Frandsen]

Jarrett Sigler wrote:

Hey folks:

Purple Duck games is having an Open Call!

The Information on Open Call.

Ooh, thanks. :)

[Kim Frandsen]

Having only just seen this today, it may be a little late. But for those of you with D&D 5th Experience, the deadline is tomorrow.

Kobold Press competition

[Isaac Volynskiy]

Kim Frandsen wrote:

Having only just seen this today, it may be a little late. But for those of you with D&D 5th Experience, the deadline is tomorrow.

Kobold Press competition

Thanks Kim, I've put a submission in. Would've been nice if the contest had a little more detail on what was wanted. Without a template form, tried to make it as similar to DMG items. Likewise, 5e doesn't have any fluff text on items short of Legendary rarity, so I made my own conclusion about fluff text from there.

[Kate Baker]

Kim Frandsen wrote:

Having only just seen this today, it may be a little late. But for those of you with D&D 5th Experience, the deadline is tomorrow.

Kobold Press competition

It looks like they extended the deadline on this to the 25th.

[Kiel Howell]

Every time I wander back in here I kick myself for being so tardy!

Well, at least it is for good reason.

I've got 40 more magic items to write up then I can start getting back here more!

[BartonOliver]

So to add to a very different debate and practice some templates for myself, would you all kindly take a look at this item.

Ring of Monkey Business
Aura faint abjuration and illusion; CL 7th
Slot ring; Price 4000 gp; Weight -
Description
This silver ring, set with seven dull stones, functions as a Ring of Protection +1. In addition, the user can use Beast Shape II to transform into a Spider Monkey for 7 minutes (use statistics for a monkey).
Construction
Requirements Forge Ring, beast shape II, shield of faith, creator must be at least 3rd level; Cost 2000 gp

[Jacob W. Michaels]

Hey BartonOliver, good to see a new item.

You do have some templating issues.

You're missing your commas in the price and cost. Also, with your weight, you want to use an em-dash (you can do that with ctrl-alt-hyphen in Microsoft Word, but even if not, I'd use two hyphens).

Magic items and spells should be lowercase in the description. There's also no reason to capitalize spider monkey; other than sizes and statistics and feats, Paizo generally uses lowercase.

In your requirements, I would drop "creator must be at least 3rd level." There's no real need for that and it's not typical Paizo style, plus you've already indicated it's CL 7 and having beast shape II adds in some level limits.

--

Beyond that -- and I do realize this is practice and you specifically said you wanted to practice templating -- the item's pretty mundane (ironic for a magic item). It's a ring of protection with a small kicker added to it. I'd try to bump up your description of the item -- this is where you get the chance to show your writing talent, so why use "dull stones"? Why not have the ring shaped like a monkey, with the tail forming the band and a glittering garnet for an eye, or something along those lines? You could also maybe make the beast shape effect not just a one-use effect, saying its duration need not be consecutive but must be taken in one-minute increments. Even then, I don't think you'd have a Superstar item, as you need to stretch the rules a bit more.

I'd also be wary of doing a punny name like this (though I'm assuming that also was just-for-practice purposes).

[Template Fu]

BartonOliver wrote:

So to add to a very different debate and practice some templates for myself, would you all kindly take a look at this item.

Ring of Monkey Business
Aura faint abjuration and illusion; CL 7th
Slot ring; Price 4000 gp; Weight -
Description
This silver ring, set with seven dull stones, functions as a Ring of Protection +1. In addition, the user can use Beast Shape II to transform into a Spider Monkey for 7 minutes (use statistics for a monkey).
Construction
Requirements Forge Ring, beast shape II, shield of faith, creator must be at least 3rd level; Cost 2000 gp

*I is hungry, drool!*

Going to be ruthless now, it's good for you - honest! :P

The template issues have already been pointed out, but there are a few other things worth mentioning.

As the CL requirement is 7th, the creator must be at least 3rd level is kind of unnecessary, so you can drop that - it wastes words and in the real competition, words are a premium!

As you mention a particular breed of monkey, should spider monkey become a creature in a future product, then you get ambiguity in your item - do you still use the basic monkey stats or do you use the newly introduced spider monkey (which might even be a giant spider with monkey arms as legs sort of thing- hmmm, grapple could be fun, starts designing ... :P)?

Be very specific when referring to creatures, specify the bestiary they are found in to future proof your item designs.

The item design is a classic example of swiss army knife item - it has multiple powers which are in no way related to one another. It protects. It transforms.

This immediately made me check your spell selections vs. your aura

beast shape II is a 4th level sorceror/wizard spell, of type transmutation.

Spells level 1-3 produce faint auras, 4-6 moderate, 7-9 strong, so immediately the aura is too weak, it should be moderate and should be transmutation and not illusion - in fact there is no illusion element in the effect at all... shield of faith is pure abjuration.

You must pay a great deal of attention to these hidden cross references in the item make up, they would cost you votes if this were an actual entry.

Hope this helps some.

*I is full now, slurp*

[Wren Brown]

Regarding the Ring of Monkey Business:

Jacob W. Michaels wrote:

In your requirements, I would drop "creator must be at least 3rd level." There's no real need for that and it's not typical Paizo style, plus you've already indicated it's CL 7 and having beast shape II adds in some level limits.

Plus Forge Ring already requires a Caster Level 7 just to take the required feat.

[Jacob W. Michaels]

Template Fu wrote:

Spells level 1-3 produce faint auras, 4-6 moderate, 7-9 strong, so immediately the aura is too weak, it should be moderate and should be...

Yes and no. Those are the auras for functioning spells. A magic item has a faint aura at levels 1-5; moderate at 6-11, strong at 12-20 and overwhelming above that. (Even with that, Template's right that it should be moderate and about the school.)

[Covent]

So I have been lurking for a while.

Here is something from me.

Please devour it. ;-)

-----

Verdant Aegis
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 7th
Slot shield; Price 11,280 gp; Weight 45 lbs.
Description
Shoots of steely emerald growth constantly weave their way in and out of the edge of this enormous bulwark of living metal. This +1 bolstering living steel tower shield bears an intricate root ball on its back instead of handles. While able to be wielded normally by anyone, the grasping roots provide any plant creature wielding a verdant aegis tower shield proficiency.

Up to three times a day as an immediate action when in the area of an effect that includes at least one ally besides himself and allows a saving throw, the wielder of a verdant aegis may call upon the forces of life’s interconnection within it to make the saving throw against the effect in place of his ally. If the wielder passes the saving throw there is no effect on either the ally or himself. If the wielder fails the saving throw the ally remains unaffected and the wielder suffers the full affect as if he were the original target of the spell. The wielder must still make his own saving throw as normal.

A druid wielding a verdant aegis treats it as an ironwood shield for the purposes of retaining his powers.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, plant growth; Cost 5,780 gp

[Jacob W. Michaels]

Your template use looks good, Covent. I was going to object to the 45-pound weight, but happily looked up what tower shields weigh and saw you just followed Paizo's lead there. So complaint withdrawn. :)

I like your description, for the most part. I would probably leave "constantly" out as that reads like it's in motion but doesn't gibe with how I view it (it's possibly that's what you want, but I'm not crazy about that design choice; that's subjective, of course, and usually more visual is better).

In your third sentence, you clause should be modifying the shield, but instead it modifies "the grasping roots." Not sure I think this power adds that much -- doesn't really hurt, but I don't know that I see a moonflower, say, using this item. Even then, I might put it at the bottom of the item (along with the druid wielding bit) so you can get to the more exciting aspects.

The basic idea of the power is fine. I'm not sure it's groundbreaking enough to be Superstar, but this is merely practice, after all. I don't like the effects if the wielder fails the save, however. Basically as is, three times per day he can simply negate an effect on an ally and gets two attempts at the save himself. That seems like way too much, especially at this price. My first thought was the wielder could maybe take 150 percent of the damage on a failed save, though that would only work for damage-dealing spells (which you could probably better narrow by making it Reflex only, though I don't know if you want to do that). You could maybe have the bearer have to save vs. a slightly higher DC (to simulate being more affected)? Probably some other ideas along these lines out there, but that to me would be a big stopper here.

Moving beyond the power, that first sentence in the second paragraph is a bit difficult to parse but I'm not sure there's a way around that. In the next sentence, you don't "pass" a saving throw -- you "succeed at"; I'd probably write "If the wielder successfully saves, neither he nor his ally are affected by the effect."

You use "affect" instead of "effect" in the third sentence.

[Curaigh]

With Summer Convention season starting next month, and RPGSS most likely following the season end, I need to get back to my dear little thread. (also helped by the end of moving a bookstore, and a few deadlines ending this week :)

It looks like my miasmic mask is the only thing I have submitted, so I have 8 more to go. I am not going to rewrite it, it was partially a rewrite of my submission to fit into Russ's face slot challenge. I will add that the visuals were inspired by Spirited Away, & the mechanics (I later discovered) were buried in a kineticist wild talent.

Onward my fellow Blazingers!!

[Curaigh]

So I have a lot of catching up to do. I will simplify my reviews for those that have been reviewed already. I hope to be a bit more through with the new folks and the more recent posts.

Too help me find what i have missed I made a list of all the items. There are more monsters out there, and even a couple of maps, but in the interest of time, I will work on these. 'Cause. There's a lot'

Page 7

Kobold Cleaver wrote:

** spoiler omitted **

Kobold Cleaver wrote:

Stirgenest Quiver

BartonOliver wrote:

Ring of Monkey Business

Covent wrote:

Verdant Aegis

Page 6

Jarrett Sigler wrote:

Northern Wind’s Sting

Brigg wrote:

Corset of Girth and Grace

Kate Baker wrote:

Shield of Gruesome Visions

Brigg wrote:

Belt of Uncanny Movement

Page 5

Jarrett Sigler wrote:

Riot Club

Jeff Hazuka wrote:

Headstrong Helm

The Raven Black wrote:

Musketeers’ Blade

Lindley Court wrote:

Iron Lens

Page 4

Clay Clouser wrote:

Razorwhip Glove

Isaac Volynskiy wrote:

Needleglyph Rapier

Page 3

Covent wrote:

Diadem of Winter Flame

dafelsheim wrote:

Cleansing Coronal

Page 2

the Raven Black wrote:

Blind Man’s Scarf II

Stephen Stack wrote:

Blind Love Patch II

FedoraFerret wrote:

Warpath Goggles II

Kudos to those whose names are here 4 or more times. You are on track for completing a Blazing 9!

[Isaac Volynskiy]

You missed my Fan, Poisoner's from the bottom of page 3! Gotta keep an eye out for poison items.

[Curaigh]

Isaac Volynskiy wrote:

Here is a wondrous item I made!

Fan, Poisoner’s
Aura faint transmutation; CL 3rd;
Slot none; Price 7,500 gp; Weight —
Description
This dull gray moth wing fan leaves behind a faint swirl of silvery powder when waved.

A contact or inhaled type poison can be applied to the fan as if it were a weapon, the fan quivers as the poison is magically sealed into it. The fan can then be activated by a whispered command word and wave, causing the sealed poison to be dispersed in a 30-foot cone.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, gust of wind; Cost 3,750 gp

Indeed I did! Sorry about that Isaac.

what is a dull gray? a gray moth? a moth wing? a wing fan? Just kidding but that is an awful lot of adverbs and I suspect some of them are modifying other adjectives in the series not the noun.

'can be' & 'can be' can be* replaced with 'apply'& 'activating.' It not only saves you words, but also adds action to the item (active voice vs. passive voice.)*see what I did there? :)

At first glance I thought making a contact poison AoE was too much, & it is, but it seems OK for an inhaled poison. I like the concept & would be a mostly up an up-vote, it will lose to an item with more mojo. I wanted more 'mothy' abilities, based on its description, which again suggests the item needs a bit more punch.

Nice work overall :)

[Curaigh]

I may as well finish page 3 since I started with Isaac's today.

Page 3

Covent wrote:

Diadem of Winter Flame

Me loves elementals, so this core concept really rings for me. (convert spells to counter a summons & create your own... cool :)

Way too complicated. Mostly on account of spell level trades, but also SAK. Control summoned monster might simplify spell choice & maybe even mechanics.

Up-vote 4/5 times (for flavor)

dafelsheim wrote:

Cleansing Coronal

SAK, though better than the first version. Two gaze attacks & all those protections goes too far IMHO.

Charges seem superlative to me, & they require word-count to include that could be put elsewhere. X per day will simplify this.

up-vote through first cull, 1/6 after that.

[Isaac Volynskiy]

Thanks for the feedback Curaigh.

I was going for short and simple since I know some people (myself included) like seeing items that are affordable early on and only do one thing.
It seems in adding the descriptive flavor I accidentally wrote checks I was unprepared to cash (more moth powers). The fan was designed mechanics first, flavor second.