Blazing 9! (season 10 prep)


RPG Superstar™ General Discussion

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Marathon Voter Season 9

Balano wrote:

Like some ghostly child, this mischiveous creature wears a brilliant scarf and smokes a longpipe.

Alright, so I'm going to analyze this to death, because I know more about writing than game design. Prepare for some grammatical hairsplitting.

Time for some Hardcore Hairsplitting:

The main things that bug me in the quoted text: First, you misspelled "mischievous" (possibly because your spelling matches a popular mispronunciation of the word). That's a pretty simple mistake. Second, I don't think "Like some ghostly child" is correctly-placed.

I'm going to struggle here, because I'm a lot better at spotting something "off" than parsing exactly why it's "off". See, something can look like a ghostly child without any problems. But when you don't use "look", "like some ghostly child" becomes a modification. Instead of being a fact on its own (it looks like a ghostly child), it becomes a fact that modifies the rest of the sentence.

In essence, your sentence becomes: "This mischievous creature wears a brilliant scarf and smokes a longpipe, like some ghostly child."

As a modifier, it's saying that the scarf and longpipe are what make it like a ghostly child. But you're trying to say that it's a ghostly child that also has a scarf and pipe—separate facts. There are two fixes. First, you could just add "looking".

Looking like some ghostly child, this mischievous creature wears a brilliant scarf and smokes a longpipe.

Alternatively, you could shorten the sentence, which is what I would strongly recommend. "Mischievous" isn't a very visual word, anyways—describing the personality itself is popular in D&D monster descriptions, but I've always found it lazy and, frankly, wrong. In a book, you don't describe a character's personality when you're saying what they look like. You never write, "She was a tall, fair-haired young woman with a sword at her belt and deep-seated entitlement issues stretching back from an unhealthy relationship with her estranged mother. You might do it in a more roundabout way, like describing a mischievous twinkle in their eyes, or, in the previous example, perhaps noting how they look at everything in a shop as if they already own it.

But. In this case, I would go for simple. "Mischievous" can come through in the encounter, or potentially in an added sentence if you want to add to the description.

This ghostly child wears a brilliant scarf and smokes a longpipe. There is a mischievous twinkle in its eyes.

The OOC text indicates what I mean by an added sentence.

Balano wrote:

longpipe

...
long pipes.

You spell it both "longpipe" and "long pipe" in here. You should pick one and stick to it. In this case, I think "long pipe" is correct.

Balano wrote:
These beings feed and live the fear of those who cross their paths.

This sentence is technically correct, but it depends on what you're going for.

"These beings feed the fear": To feed fear means to increase it. For instance, "They fed Kobold Cleaver's fear by showing him pictures of Cosmo's face photoshopped onto drawings of driders." If you want to say that they eat the fear, you should say "feed on" or "feed off".

"These beings live the fear": This technically means to experience the fear. So these beings are making people more afraid, and then experiencing that fear themselves. This probably isn't what you mean. Again, "live off" or "live on" is probably closer to your intention.

You could say, "These beings feed and live on/off the fear", or "These beings feed on/off and live on/off the fear". I think the former is more concise, but it's up to you. But it all really depends on what you're trying to say.

Balano wrote:
These creatures are treacherous and mischievous and can fool even those who consider themselves wiser enough.

A few problems with this.

First, the two facts—that they are treacherous/mischievous and that they can fool wise people—are somewhat awkwardly connected. I'm not convinced you need the first fact at all, not least because it's two clunky words being applied without any weight behind them (applying two fancy words is usually less effective than giving us a distinctive detail).

You could include one of the words—probably "treacherous", since "mischievous" is already stated in the description—by just applying it to them as a sidenote. "These treacherous creatures can fool even those..." works, for instance.

The second problem, however, is that "even those who consider those wiser enough" is really clunky. "Wiser enough" is grammatically incorrect—grammatically, it should be "wise enough", but I wouldn't say that, either. "Enough" doesn't really convey anything, and it weakens the statement.

The third problem is that I don't think this is very useful information. I would actually rewrite the whole sentence to work more in line with Jacob Michaels's advice. Instead of telling us they can fool smart people, give us some more information about their behavior.

Balano wrote:
Rumors say that the shimmering terrors powers reside in their scarf and anyone who can catch it will have full control over the creature.

It should be "the shimmering terror's powers reside in its scarf, and that anyone who can catch one". If you're going for plurals, it would be "the shimmering terrors' powers reside in their scarves". And I would go with "steal", not "catch"—"catch" makes me think they're catching the terror, not the scarf.

But the real problem with this line is that we know this stuff about the scarf already. It's in the statblock. It presents no information we haven't already been given and therefore doesn't help the GM.

Scarab Sages

Like the revised item KC. Couple of questions:
Does the Con penalty persist after removing a projectile?
I think the wielder gets a +1 insight bonus to hit for each successfully attached projectile (so +1 after the first, +2 after the second, up to +5), but it could use a little clarification.

I'd love a second sentence about appearance (materials, color, texture, etc).

Marathon Voter Season 9

Whoops! All that information was in the original version, but in my quest to simplify, I may've overdone it a tad.

Kobold Cleaver wrote:
The attacker gains a +1 insight bonus on the attack roll (to a maximum of +5) for each projectile already attached to the target creature.

Can I ask what's unclear about this? I'm not arguing—just trying to work out how to improve it. I thought it was obvious that the bonus increases, but clearly I didn't communicate it properly.

Is the confusion stemming from calling them "the attacker" instead of "the wielder", writing "on the attack roll" instead of "to-hit", or is it in not including a "cumulative" before the "+1 insight bonus"?

Kobold Cleaver wrote:
Removing an attached projectile as a move action likewise reduces the Constitution penalty.

There's my modification.

Scarab Sages

Kobold Cleaver wrote:

Whoops! All that information was in the original version, but in my quest to simplify, I may've overdone it a tad.

Kobold Cleaver wrote:
The attacker gains a +1 insight bonus on the attack roll (to a maximum of +5) for each projectile already attached to the target creature.

Can I ask what's unclear about this? I'm not arguing—just trying to work out how to improve it. I thought it was obvious that the bonus increases, but clearly I didn't communicate it properly.

Is the confusion stemming from calling them "the attacker" instead of "the wielder", writing "on the attack roll" instead of "to-hit", or is it in not including a "cumulative" before the "+1 insight bonus"?

Kobold Cleaver wrote:
Removing an attached projectile as a move action likewise reduces the Constitution penalty.
There's my modification.

Yes, that clears up the Con penalty removal.

If that is the correct interpretation for the stacking bonuses, I think just adding 'cumulative' will clear up any confusion. Or it could just be that I'm the outlier and it was perfectly clear.

I think it's a great item KC, and would likely do well in voting.

Liberty's Edge Star Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9

Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

KC, I think putting (to a maximum of +5) at the end of the sentence would make it clearer
;-)

Dedicated Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9

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KC: when you use this language:

attacker gains a +1 insight bonus on the attack roll (to a maximum of +5) for each projectile

You are saying that it's possible to get +5 PER PROJECTILE. I don't think that's what you want. I think you just want to say

attacker gains a +1 insight bonus on the attack roll for each projectile (to a maximum of +5)

Marathon Voter Season 9

Ah. That makes sense. Thanks, CripDyke!

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Curtisin

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Curaigh wrote:

Welll... as of today it has been 9 months!!

How did you do?

I only posted one item. I (mostly) created a holiday-themed monster, but never finished its stats, so never posted it. That does not sound too good as far as Blazing 9 goes. :( However, I have responded to everyone's practice posts (unless I missed a few in the middle) I have submitted well over 9 pitches to 3PP (some even successfully :). And I am on day 5 of a personal "create an item every day for nine days." So I am calling this a blazing success!!

We still have no new logo*, so we should keep the thread going for those who want more practice :)

Right, I've been neglecting this thread recently as well I have to admit. But let's give an update then, shall we.

Since we started I've posted
2 maps (though one was a remake)
2 monsters (both were remade, so call that 4)
1 item.
Not particularly impressive.
However, I did manage to review 7 different items, so I think that's ok.

Lately though my time got eaten by various projects.
I started pitching and taking part in open calls in May, and as of this writing I've got the following:
- 1 Publication: Race Options: Dwarves
- 1 Finished Villain for Villain Codex IV (that's yet to be published)
- 4 monsters to be published by Zenith Games
- 1 Adventure that's being written for Purple Duck Games (1/2-3/4 done with that one, but I have the feeling I'll be tinkering with it for a while)
- 1 pitch that's with Wayfinder. I don't know if I'll get that one published of course, at least not yet, but we'll see.
- 1 more publication that I can't talk about. This is likely the one I'm most proud of, as it was a "cold sell" to a publisher, meaning there was no Open Call for it. I simply wrote them, pitched it, and they decided to go for a publication that was 4 times longer than the one I'd originally pitched for. (not complaining). That one is hopefully going into layout soon.

That makes it 4-6 total things that I'm getting published, and it's all stuff that I only started working on in May.

I'm quite proud of that turnaround to be honest. And just as importantly it taught me: Go for it. Don't wait. Do it now.

Scarab Sages

Kim Frandsen wrote:
Go for it. Don't wait. Do it now.

This. Absolutely.

Scarab Sages RPG Superstar 2015 Top 16 , Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Rusty Ironpants

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Kim Frandsen wrote:


Lately though my time got eaten by various projects.
I started pitching and taking part in open calls in May, and as of this writing I've got the following:
- 1 Publication: Race Options: Dwarves

In case anyone wants to take Kim's advice, I have it on good authority that the publisher is still open to pitches for both their Character Options and Race Options lines even if the open call is no longer officially running.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Curtisin

Russ Brown wrote:


In case anyone wants to take Kim's advice, I have it on good authority that the publisher is still open to pitches for both their Character Options and Race Options lines even if the open call is no longer officially running.

That's good to know Russ. I might throw one or two more that-a-way then, once I'm done with my current assignment. :)

Scarab Sages RPG Superstar 2015 Top 16 , Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Rusty Ironpants

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Kim Frandsen wrote:
Russ Brown wrote:


In case anyone wants to take Kim's advice, I have it on good authority that the publisher is still open to pitches for both their Character Options and Race Options lines even if the open call is no longer officially running.
That's good to know Russ. I might throw one or two more that-a-way then, once I'm done with my current assignment. :)

I should be posting a notice on my website in the next few days with more information including product outlines to download and a list of which races and classes have already been covered.

Dedicated Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9

So, uh...
it looks like this thread is now Blazing 21.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Curtisin

This makes me sad. :( - Ah well, time to devote energies to everything else. :)

Marathon Voter Season 9

We'll just have to make up for it by giving Blazing 21 our all, guys! :P

Marathon Voter Season 9

*Immediately starts slacking off on this thread again*

Scarab Sages

I'll be honest, I was working on a Numeria / Starfinder item, but since Wayfinder 16 is low on those, I'll be using it for that...

Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9

21 is also a magic number for me :)

Pause isn't necessarily a year off. But I guess that is as good a guess as any :)

Marathon Voter Season 9

Hey, quick question for the sharp guys here, since I don't know where else to ask this: When I'm including a Bestiary monster in a non-Paizo adventure, is this the correct format to use?

Creatures: Blah blah blah monster flavor text.
[Monster Name] (#): hp ## each; Bestiary.

Thanks a bushel!

RPG Superstar 2014 Top 16, RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka motteditor

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The reference should be Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Bestiary.

http://paizo.com/pathfinderRPG/compatibility

Marathon Voter Season 9

Ah, I should've thought to check the site's information. :P

Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9

Does anyone else find the irony in a cleaver asking for sharp guys amusing? :)

Marathon Voter Season 9

The cleaver is actually steel, not iron, but it's an easy mistake.

I just made this for a character of mine in a game, but I thought I'd share it here just to test my template-fu.

Plucky Kettle
Aura minor evocation; CL 1st
Slot none; Price 900 gp; Weight 4 lbs.
Description
This brass kettle bears designs of sizzling coals at its base. When the kettle is filled with a liquid, the coal designs glow red. After one round, steam shoots from the mouth, indicating that the water inside is boiling. The kettle itself is not heated.

Water can be flung from the kettle at an enemy. This is a ranged touch attack with a range of 10 feet that inflicts 1d4 scalding* damage on a direct hit.

Construction
Requirements
Craft Wondrous Item, prestidigitation; Cost 450 gp

*Yes, I am just trying to screw with the people who get annoyed that creatures with fire immunity technically aren't immune to boiling water. :P

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Tothric

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Kobold Cleaver, you devious wonderful plucky Kobold. Your cleverness is in-fact matching the cleverness of kobolds.

only things I can comment on:

Your template looks good to me. You missed one HELL of a spell requirement though: Heat Metal. I feel that spell requirement would have been perfect for this.

That would have just made sense.

Also, scalding damage is silly. That Might harm your votes. That key word would be the kind of thing that would cause some voters to feel like you MIGHT not understand the game. (Though, your description, I feel is appropriate, you wouldn't get such text for RPG superstar.

RPG Superstar 2014 Top 16, RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka motteditor

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Kobold, this looks like a plucky little item. A couple thoughts:
* It should be 1d4 points of scalding damage, not 1d4 scalding damage (I share Jarrett's concerns a little about its use in Superstar, though it's a good area to play with for Blazing Nine).
* How long does the water stay hot? Also, do you get just one use before needing to refill the kettle?
* It feels like it should use the thrown splash weapon rules, not just being a ranged touch attack. You're literally splashing your enemies, after all (especially the way it's worded; if you didn't want to go that way, I'd probably instead write it as the kettle shooting the hot water/steam at an opponent).

Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9

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KC, This is a pretty cool item overall. I like the concept and visuals, and it's nice to see an inexpensive item (such items are a little under represented in the contest IMO).

Template: Nearly perfect, but the aura should be faint not minor, and I agree with Jacob about "points of... "

Mechanic: Seems pretty clear, but Jacob's question about the number of uses before re-filling is a good one. Regarding the ranged touch mechanic, I think I prefer it as you have it, rather than using the thrown splash weapon rules as Jacon suggests. I found "scalding damage" under the environment rules for boiling water, so it is a thing — I'm on the fence regarding Jarrett's concern about the damage type.

Balance: Since it takes a round to heat the water, 1d4 damage seems low to me. From a player's perspective, that's pretty paltry, and if it were a little more, it still doesn't seem unbalanced or abusable.

Writing: I'd like to see the first two sentences combined somehow for a smoother flow. Also, there are quite a few instances of "is" — I'd like to see more active verbs than "is" or "can be."

PS: at the start, you say liquid, but then later it's water...I assume it doesn't transmute the contents to water...

Marathon Voter Season 9

Jacob W. Michaels wrote:

Kobold, this looks like a plucky little item. A couple thoughts:

* It should be 1d4 points of scalding damage, not 1d4 scalding damage (I share Jarrett's concerns a little about its use in Superstar, though it's a good area to play with for Blazing Nine).
* How long does the water stay hot? Also, do you get just one use before needing to refill the kettle?
* It feels like it should use the thrown splash weapon rules, not just being a ranged touch attack. You're literally splashing your enemies, after all (especially the way it's worded; if you didn't want to go that way, I'd probably instead write it as the kettle shooting the hot water/steam at an opponent).

Yeah, I wouldn't use scalding damage in the actual contest. That's only okay as a joke. I was referring to the Environment chapter's controversial use of "scalding damage", a loophold which has technically resulted in efreet being vulnerable to boiling water. :P

I thought about thrown splash weapons. I think I decided not to just to keep it at a slightly lower power level. Perhaps I could make it a 1d4 damage splash weapon, or a 1d6 damage touch attack, since it is a bit low-power as-is.

Oh, and Heat Metal is a good catch.

A thought: Would I want to include a note to accommodate people putting acid or liquid ice or the sort into the kettle?

Thanks, all!

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Tothric

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Hey folks:

I know all of you are glorious human beings. I'm trying something kinda super crazy. If anyone of you are feeling generous, I'm looking for prizes for my Dungeon Crawling Tournament!

Feel free to PM me if you are interesting in helping sponsor my tournament. Or, if you feel like participating, maybe, and are in my area?

Charity Tournement

I know this isn't the best place for this; but, I appreciate you giving the time to read this. Thanks in advance.

P.S. A digital book of RPG Superstar hopefuls all creating a single magical item might be a neat prize?

Scarab Sages

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I can pitch in a piece of custom art if you want.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Tothric

Belabras wrote:
I can pitch in a piece of custom art if you want.

Hey, I just want to reward good behavior! Ifen you wish to donate some Art! I'll gladly accept. Thank you, Belabras!

Scarab Sages

Sure. PM me and let me know what you might need.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Curtisin

I'll be more than happy to take part in a "special magic item book". :)

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Curtisin

If you haven't seen this one, it's 3,000 pages worth of RPG stuff for $30.

Fat Goblin Games Hoarde's Hoard

Marathon Voter Season 9

Hey, I'm just gonna bug you guys again about this, since I don't want to be too noisy about it.

If you submit a query for a product, and they accept the query, and you get the product in to them within the timeframe given, would you expect them to send a rejection notice if they don't like the product? If you wait a few weeks, then send another email prompting them about it, are you being unprofessional? And how should you interpret them remaining silent after that?

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Curtisin

Kobold Cleaver wrote:

Hey, I'm just gonna bug you guys again about this, since I don't want to be too noisy about it.

If you submit a query for a product, and they accept the query, and you get the product in to them within the timeframe given, would you expect them to send a rejection notice if they don't like the product? If you wait a few weeks, then send another email prompting them about it, are you being unprofessional? And how should you interpret them remaining silent after that?

I'd PM as hem at least one more time. If they accepted the pitch and you going in ahead of the deadline, some response to be expected. If they don't respond this time, I would leave it and not bother with thhem again.

RPG Superstar 2014 Top 16, RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka motteditor

Are you concerned it's not been published yet? In my experience, it typically takes months for something to be published after it's been turned in, so I wouldn't be worried.

That said, if you've had total radio silence, I might be concerned, depending on various factors. I know I try to send some sort of acknowledgement of a turnover and I think most of the 3PPs I've dealt with do the same. I'll admit I've sometimes forgotten to do so, though, or been delayed if I've got a lot going on (but that's typically when I'm getting deluged with contest entries/pitches and may get a dozen emails in a very short timespan).

That said, this is why it's really important to work with a contract, something I'm certainly guilty of not doing at times.

As far as being unprofessional, it's a fine line. You don't want to be too much of a nudge, but I think asking for some sort of confirmation/response isn't out of line.

Marathon Voter Season 9

Let's see...I've sent them three emails since they accepted the pitch.

The first was some questions about the project. I never heard back from them on it, so I assumed they were dumb questions to be asking (they probably were). That was August 13th.

The second was the finished project. That was August 26th.

And then the confirmation email was sent September 12th, asking, "Are there any problems in the adventure that you'd like me to revise, or is it just not what you're looking for right now?" I haven't heard from them since.

It's only been eleven days since that email, so I guess I might just be getting antsy. If I still haven't heard anything in another week or so, I might shoot them another message.

Marathon Voter Season 9

Look to your left.

The first thing you see is the base form for your next Blazing Nine submission. If it's technological, find a way to de-tech it (a computer mouse could become an actual mouse figurine, for instance).

I got orange peel rinds this was a huge mistake why did I try to do this meme.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Curtisin

Kobold Cleaver wrote:

Look to your left.

The first thing you see is the base form for your next Blazing Nine submission. If it's technological, find a way to de-tech it (a computer mouse could become an actual mouse figurine, for instance).

I got orange peel rinds this was a huge mistake why did I try to do this meme.

I'll do this if I get the time.. Unfortunately when I read this, it was a Kitchen Sink...

Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9

left hmmm? book shelf... err the OTHER/actual left is a dry erase board.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 16 , Dedicated Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka Petty Alchemy

I've been homebrewing for 5e lately, but not PF. Anyone want to post a challenge?

Scarab Sages

We could all take a crack at stating up the bone spider

Since spiders don't have have bones it is obviously the creation of some arachnid obsessed necromancer. Is it a construct? Variant skeleton? Could be fun.

Grand Lodge

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Hello people, this is the first time I try to put my idea here, hope you guys enjoy it (hint: this is a paladin archetype which I harsh out back to the day when I just got my copy of Technology Guide, so now you know the flavor).

Unfortunately I am not a native speaker and I have to admit that it is a way prolonged stuff. Thank you for all the patience to read it through. Criticize are highly welcomed.

Iron Knight:

Iron Knight (Paladin)
Iron knights are the more free-mind holy warriors who view the progression made by advanced technologies as the key to lead society and civilizations to a better future. Wielding firearms and complex, even exotic high-tech weapons, these paladins actively search out and fight against those who manipulate the vile technologies that bring corruption and aimless destruction.

Skills: An iron knight adds Knowledge (engineering) to his list of class skills and remove Knowledge (nobility) from his list of class skills.

Technomancy (Sp): At will, an iron knight can use technomancy, as the spell. When he use technomancy when attempting Knowledge (engineering) checks to identify the properties of technological items, an iron knight will gain a +5 insight bonus on Knowledge (engineering) checks to identify item properties, and count as he possessed the Technologist feat (although it will not grant him additional bonus on checks to identify the properties of technological items unless iron knight do possessed the feat).

This ability replaces detect evil.

Techno Smite (Su): At 1st level, when he wielding a firearm or any technological weapons, an iron knight can as a swift action declare one non-good target within line of sight as his target of techno smite. The iron knight gain a +1 bonus on attack rolls and all damage rolls made against the target of his techno smite. This bonus increases by 1 at 4th level and every 4 levels thereafter, to a maximum bonus of +6 at 20th level. Regardless of the target, techno smite attacks automatically bypass any DR and energy resistance the creature might possess.

In addition, while smite evil is in effect, an iron knight gains a deflection bonus equal to her Charisma modifier (if any) to his AC against ranged attacks made by the target of the techno smite. If the paladin targets a creature that is not a non-evil creature, the techno smite is wasted with no effect. The techno smite effect remains until the target of smite is dead or the next time the iron knight rests and regains daily uses of this ability. The number that an iron knight may declares techno smite each day are equal to his Charisma bonus (at least 1).

An iron knight can only gain the benefits of techno smite when he fighting with firearms and technological weapons. This ability replaces smite evil.

Iron with Out (Ex): At 3rd level, an iron knight started to mastery the fighting technique that uses the advantage of his armor protection to pushing relentless assault while under heavy fire. When he wearing medium or heavy armor, an iron knight may use firearms or technological weapons to make ranged attacks without provoke attacks of opportunity.

At 4th level, if an iron knight wearing medium or heavy armor and using firearms or technological weapons to make full-round ranged attacks while make a 5-feet step in the same turn, he can move an additional 5 feet when he doing so. However, when he doing 5-feet step in this form, only the first 5 feet movements made by the iron knight are not provoke attacks of opportunity, the second 5 feet movements will still provoke attacks of opportunity as normal movement if iron knight move out a square threatening by an enemy.

At 6th level, if and iron knight uses firearms or technological weapons to make full-round ranged attacks while make a 5-feet step in the same round, he will gain DR 3/- and 10 points of all types of energy resistances that only against ranged attacks, until the start of his next turn. In addition, if forced to make a reflex saving roll that caused by technological effects or effects caused by theological weapons, an iron knight was count as have the evasion ability, as the rogue class feature of the same name.

This ability replaces lay on hands, divine health, mercy and channel positive energy.

Divine Bond: At 5th level, an iron knight forms a bond with the progressive of technology. This functions as the paladin’s divine bond ability, except the bond must always take the form of a firearm or technological weapon. In addition to the listed abilities, an iron knight can add the distance, reliable, or seeking special abilities to her weapon, but she cannot add the brilliant, defending or disruption special abilities. This ability replaces the standard paladin’s divine bond.

Iron with In (Su): At 8th level, an iron knight gains a +4 morale bonus on the saving rolls against all the mind-affect effects, he will also immune to any mind-affect effects generated by technological effects. This ability replaces Aura of resolve and Aura of justice.

Progressive Champion (Su): At 20th level, an iron knight becomes an embodiment of the advanced technology`s bright side. Anytime when he attacked by firearms and technological weapons, the iron knight will gain DR 10/- and 20 points of all types of energy resistances against those attacks (may stack with DR and resistances he gained form Iron with Out ability).

In addition, three times per day when an iron knight is attacking a creature that he have declared techno smite with firearms or technological weapons, as a swift action, he may place bane weapon special ability on the firearms or technological weapons he wielding, but only against the creature he smiting. This effect last until the end of his turn. This ability altered Holy Champion.

Code of Conduct: Iron knight shall actively discovering lost technologies and protect the research, preserve and improvement of advanced technologies. He should preaching people with the progressions, benefit the masses with advanced knowledge and fight who abuse or ruin the relics of technology.

P.S: looking for more suggestions about weapons/armor proficient.

Liberty's Edge

Pretty great flavor. Why did you change the techno smite bonus progression from smite evil's?


Curaigh wrote:

It looks like my monthly item has turned into a monthly catch up on critiques :P

Thanks! I appreciate you taking the time to take a look at it.

I'm sad that there is no contest this year as I had never heard about it before this year but I guess it gives me a chance to practice some more.

I'll try to post another one sometime this week :)

Grand Lodge

Gark the Goblin wrote:
Pretty great flavor. Why did you change the techno smite bonus progression from smite evil's?

Well, the concept that what I trying to deal with the "smite" ability of this archetype is "flexible use but limited effect". I give him a little bit more daily uses of smite, but only really good against bad guys with guns (since I assume he will usually head to the fire fight).

The damage and attack bonus are limited since our knight will always use guns to smite, which generally means he will have more attacks than most melee combatants in the same level; He got some extra daily uses of smite in lower level (equal to cha bonus) but that will suffer a progressively decrease when the levels goes higher, so he can still handle some frequent and brutal encounters in low-level fights with his maybe not so reliable firearms.

What really bother me here is how this guy get his guns. should I simply slap him with one whole sell pseudo-gunslinger kit like the UC Holy Gun, or only make him proficient with firearms/laser plasma sorts?

Grand Lodge Contributor , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9

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I think some of you will find this interesting:

Here Be Monsters 3: From Beyond the Stars has been announced! It's an annual monster design contest. This year, the judging panel includes Paizo developer Adam Daigle, freelancer & RPG Superstar finalist Jacob Michaels, RPG Superstar Mike Welham, and Paizo contributor Mikko Kallio (i.e. me).

Announcement on ASFW blog and Paizo forums.

Grand Lodge

Mikko Kallio wrote:

I think some of you will find this interesting:

Here Be Monsters 3: From Beyond the Stars has been announced! It's an annual monster design contest. This year, the judging panel includes Paizo developer Adam Daigle, freelancer & RPG Superstar finalist Jacob Michaels, RPG Superstar Mike Welham, and Paizo contributor Mikko Kallio (i.e. me).

Announcement on ASFW blog and Paizo forums.

Thank you Sir!

Grand Lodge

So this is my first item, originally designed as a oriental magical trinket for my Mage the ascension character.

Bamboo Chronicles
Aura Faint conjuration and illusion;CL 3th
Slot none; Price 5200GP; Weight 2 lbs.

Description
Favored by many Tian occultists as their handy aide, this magical scroll-book is made by dozens of slender, ink-scriptured bamboo slips banded together by thin strings. Not more than an exotic scroll which hold one chapter from a historical annal per seen. However, as a standard action, the user of a bamboo chronicles may pull off one piece of slip from the scroll and cast it on ground, the bamboo slips will turn into fine dust once it dropped, but immediately manifest one of the following effects as user`s wish.

Adviser: an ethereal scholar whispering obscure knowledge to user, allow him to make a knowledge (history, nobility or geography) check with a +5 bonus within 3 minute. The scholar will leave after once it provided help.

Servant: an invisible force emerge and helps the user with minor tasks, as per unseen servant spell for 3 hours.

Soldier: a ghostly warrior clad in ancient armor (with the abilities and gears of a superstitious mercenary, NPC Codex) come forth to user, and will loyally serve him before it disappear after 1 minute.

Weapon: an antique-looking masterwork long sword appears in the hand of user, which will swiftly worn into the useless scraps after 3 minutes of use.

After 10 bamboo slips were pulled out from it, the bamboo chronicles will lose its magical property and rendered generally unreadable.

Construction Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, shadow weapon[sup]UM[/sup], summon monster I, unseen servant, creator must have 3 ranks in Knowledge (history, nobility and geography)
Cost 2600GP

It will looks like this

Feel free to points out problems!

Marathon Voter Season 9

I'll get to this within a day or so!

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