The Jade's page

Thank you for everything, Lisa. And by everything...

Paizo's stunning work in the aughts pulled me back into gaming, and these boards introduced to me to so many incredible people, including the Werecabbage Freelancers Guild who were kind enough to take me in.

You and the rest of Paizo's amazing team always took such good care of any company from which I've approached you for support. You all changed my life and I hope you spend your time away living the ever loving righteous heck outta yours. Squeeze it for all it's worth.

Much love to you (and Vic!).

What a review. Thank you, Enfzeitgeist!

So things are going pretty well thus far...

THANK YOU, EVERYONE!

Well, no time like the present...

Our Grimmerspace Kickstarter launches on May 22nd!

STORM THE GATES!

So for the multitude who don't recognize my mask, I'm Rone Barton, co-creator of Grimmerspace, but I've been posting on the Paizo boards as The Jade since 2005. I just like the lupine avatar. But speaking of lupine... I want to loop in because I saw Lou opine.

When even the most technic civilizations experience phenomena they don't yet understand, they'll sometimes define or label these mysterious occurrences using expired supernatural mythologies, even if the paranormal isn't being specifically implied. So when the Emanants of the Emanant Spectrality say "ghosts" they're hearkening back to a time long ago when folktales of apparitions chilled and delighted. However, they do believe that something terrible will appear if not appeased. Are they right? Tune in. ;)

But then also, for every one paragon of the scientific method who helps shape our future reality, you'll likely find many other people who instead hold onto beliefs that run counter to scientific proofs. For some, there's great romance and passion to be found in keeping select myths alive. So I'd imagine that even as a civilization goes from primality to modernity and then on to intergalactic colonization, many will continue to harbor a love of fantastic legends. Why I'm as rational a gamer as the next, but I'll freely admit to asking my púca friend Gilleagán here to proofread this post before I hit submit. I'll bet that if you're a gamer your vision constructs entire worlds between your waking eyes and the blank wall across the room at times. And when you focus on those daydreamt landscapes they sure can seem real enough, can't they? Or maybe I just need to be on meds. Who knows?

Sometimes it's often said paragons who indulge enjoyment from the supernatural because who doesn't like to escape the shackling mundanity of an ordered, thoroughly pre-defined existence? Check out the Philip experiment.

Even when we know something isn't real, sometimes... we want to believe. (Cue Mark Snow's X-Files theme)

And when, as is the case of the Emanant Spectrality, there's totemic worship of fearing and revering death hardwired into even a spacefaring society, that will inescapably seep into the look and custom of the place. And this particular Crux polity is noted for its brilliant though perverse bio-engineering skills. "Hey, you twisted creations of Dr.Frankenstein and Dr. Herbert West from Re-Animator, eat your heart out. No... that's an order... devour it now while I watch." The Emanants might confuse the scariest moments in those fictional works for a guided meditation video. They're... an interesting lot.

From the site: "Take your hand and register now, or we'll take it for you."

So I tried to register but once I enter my e-mail, there's no functioning button to click.

Thanks for mentioning you were having that problem and for sending your info to us directly despite it, CeeJay. Very much appreciated.

I'm seeing the Register button to the right of the Email capture field. Hmm.

If anyone else here tried to register, please let us know in this thread if you had a missing button issue as well.

I haven't been this excited since I learned of Velvet Revolver's existence. Hopefully I won't be as disappointed as I was when I heard Velvet Revolver's music. :)

Grimmerspace begins as a setting and adventures book. Of course, we offer sections with setting information, but if you don't want to wade through pages of academically delivered information, we also offer many 5k-10k word adventures that will allow you to simply live the setting (in our universe, in the Pact Worlds, or in your homebrew universe). Learning the particulars of races and cultures, alien horrors, governments and corporations, and locations as you go - sort of Berlitz style immersion - with sidebars that offer you the nuts and bolts information you'll need to know along the way.

For gamers who want to go full Grimmerspace? Dig in and make yourself comfortable.

For gamers who love the Pact Worlds and don't want to shift to a different game but who would like a bunch of new adventures written by game design luminaries from Paizo, both staff and fan favorite freelancers? Come and git it! ;)

I signed up! now to wait and see what form of horror you guys have in mind, cause vampires and werewolves in space sounds awesome, but who knows, lol.

Thanks, AirOr!

Such monstrous things cold brewing in the space between the stars...

Get ready.

Not only do Lou Agresta and Rone Barton (me) have Wesley Snipes and Sean Astin on board as fellow Creative Developers...

Erik Mona is writing our foreword.

Our other designers include Jason Bulmahn, Adam Daigle, James Sutter, Richard Pett (we're giving away his first Starfinder adventure for free - 16k words), Larry Elmore, Greg Vaughan, Shanna Germain, Ben McFarland, BJ Henlsey, and Hal Maclean

Want that adventure the very moment we release it and other free stuff? Check us out at: https://www.irongmgames.com/gslp1

Any questions about Grimmerspace? Ask away.

Hello, The Jade! Nice to see you!

I'm Tacticslion!

Glad you're hanging around (again, apparently, which is awesome)!

Why thank you, Tactislion!

They are both beagles AND urine aficionados, I imagine the rain brings out a subtle bouquet.

You'll not see me rolling around in it for my pleasures... but it's a heady funk, to be sure.

Walking the dogs, of course it's raining.

Why else would they want to go outside.

Perhaps they're born treasure hunters?

The truth is sometimes the LAST thing you'd expect.

I like turtles

Get in line.

A really slow marching line.

I'm trained for just these situations.

Crap, I forgot my training!!

Awkwardly grabs own foot.

(Grabs Cuddly's other foot in solidarity)

Patrick, I once knew a storm giant who used a staff of the archmagi for his toothpick. An accidental snap against an incisor and the subsequent retributive strike blew out his whole grill, man.

He's trying to Gofundme some implants, but that Sloppy Joe mess is right out of Faces of Death.

I'm having trouble sleeping since it happened. The visuals, man.

Wait, what were we talking about?

The Jade wrote:

"HAVE I MISSED ANYTHING?!" he screamed, naked in the aisles, awoken from a long cryogenic sleep wherein he dreamed only of being chased by bouncing encased meats through a cornfield.

legit tearing up right now.

BRING IT IN, BUDDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Breath of the Wild Addict wrote:

The Jade wrote:

Breath of the Wild Addict wrote:

The Jade wrote:

Emperor7 wrote:

No water. Only dihydrogen monoxide here.

That stuff will kill you dead. No kidding. My friend jumped into 20k gallons of the stuff wearing iron Reeboks and didn't make it.

I fought a giant elephant that just spewed the stuff constantly. I beat the stupid beast into submission, and I didn't even have the master sword yet.

Perhaps my mind is just having trouble focusing after the recent thaw, but it sincerely took me a full minute to figure out that "the stuff" you mention the elephant spewing was actually water from its trunk.

I am clearly not a well man.

I need to climb back into the chamber. Get my head right.

No! Not water! Dihydrogen Monoxide... The stuff was awful, and you could swim up it! Talk about weird stuff dude...

In some locales people swim in a mixture of dihydrogen monoxide and sodium chloride. Talk about inviting disaster.

I considered swimming in it too but I couldn't find the porpoise.

#NotAStrongSwimmer

The Jade wrote:

Breath of the Wild Addict wrote:

The Jade wrote:

Emperor7 wrote:

No water. Only dihydrogen monoxide here.

That stuff will kill you dead. No kidding. My friend jumped into 20k gallons of the stuff wearing iron Reeboks and didn't make it.

I fought a giant elephant that just spewed the stuff constantly. I beat the stupid beast into submission, and I didn't even have the master sword yet.

Perhaps my mind is just having trouble focusing after the recent thaw, but it sincerely took me a full minute to figure out that "the stuff" you mention the elephant spewing was actually water from its trunk.

I am clearly not a well man.

I need to climb back into the chamber. Get my head right.

No! Not water! Dihydrogen Monoxide... The stuff was awful, and you could swim up it! Talk about weird stuff dude...

See, now this is why I require a chemist familiar by my side at all times. I can't tell table salt from explodey powder. I'm lucky to still be vertical and headed.

The Jade wrote:

Emperor7 wrote:

No water. Only dihydrogen monoxide here.

That stuff will kill you dead. No kidding. My friend jumped into 20k gallons of the stuff wearing iron Reeboks and didn't make it.

I fought a giant elephant that just spewed the stuff constantly. I beat the stupid beast into submission, and I didn't even have the master sword yet.

Perhaps my mind is just having trouble focusing after the recent thaw, but it sincerely took me a full minute to figure out that "the stuff" you mention the elephant spewing was actually water from its trunk.

I am clearly not a well man.

I need to climb back into the chamber. Get my head right.

No water. Only dihydrogen monoxide here.

That stuff will kill you dead. No kidding. My friend jumped into 20k gallons of the stuff wearing iron Reeboks and didn't make it.

The Jade wrote:

TriOmegaZero wrote:

The Jade wrote:

"HAVE I MISSED ANYTHING?!" he screamed, naked in the aisles, awoken from a long cryogenic sleep wherein he dreamed only of being chased by bouncing encased meats through a cornfield.

Nah, not really.

Good. I was afraid I was going to have to know what these were for.

(Holds up two elephant eyeballs and boops them together)

They were just... in hand when I came to.

Can I have those back now, and maybe some mineral water, but only if it's organic.

I mean... here.

But organic water? Does it have to be free range and humanely slaughtered as well?

The Jade wrote:

"HAVE I MISSED ANYTHING?!" he screamed, naked in the aisles, awoken from a long cryogenic sleep wherein he dreamed only of being chased by bouncing encased meats through a cornfield.

Nah, not really.

Good. I was afraid I was going to have to know what these were for.

(Holds up two elephant eyeballs and boops them together)

They were just... in hand when I came to.

"HAVE I MISSED ANYTHING?!" he screamed, naked in the aisles, awoken from a long cryogenic sleep wherein he dreamed only of being chased by bouncing encased meats through a cornfield.

We became friends quite soon after my arrival to these boards back in... was it 2004 or so? And then we were Werecabbages cowriters and I'd talk to you almost every day. And then you got this job at Paizo and worked so hard I barely knew you outside of quick meetings at Gen Con...

So if I'm doing my math right, although leaving Paizo means big changes are coming for you, one of those changes may unfortunately mean you'll see a whole lot more me. I'm so sorry. It likely can't be helped.

I dearly hope to work alongside you again, should our paths lead there. Speaking of which, I understand you're available for freelance art, cartography and layout? Writing too?

And can you do a consult on any Pathfinder Compatibility License-related queries?

And what do I have to do to get some of your incredible homemade cookies? It's been years. You can't just let us mortals sample the Sug'ry Discuses of the Archmagi (now with more retributive strike flavor!) and then cut them off. It's cruel.

<3

Guitar and vocals recorded in space.

Video recorded in space.

Mind blown here back on Earth.

I've always kept up with the Mythopoeic Rambling blog, but Friday's are the day I read it slow, see... slow. Because Friday is where the monsters live. Mike's time releases what amounts to a free bestiary. It may take 26 weeks, but then there's your book's worth of inspired and entirely-usable creatures and for free.

Many of these monsters derived from crazy art, photos and photo mash-ups paizonians threw at him, screaming "Shallonge!" and yet Mike always rose to the challenge... even when it meant statting up a small blue and white wing'd kitten made interesting enough to want to drop into an adventure.

I'll post this in here in the main Atomic Array thread too...

Link To This Episode

A unicorn fears she may be the last of her kind, and sets out to discover why.

The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle was first published in 1968 and is generally considered one of the all-time best fantasy novels. The book was followed in 1982 by an animated film adaptation. Featuring the voices of Alan Arkin, Jeff Bridges and Mia Farrow, the film captured the hearts of a generation of fans.

After more than thirty years, enthusiasm for The Last Unicorn is still strong. I am particularly fond of this story, and so I jumped at the chance to help Peter with the upcoming screening tour.

Visit The Last Unicorn Screening Tour Website

The goal of the tour is to give as many people as possible a chance to meet Peter and see The Last Unicorn the way it was created to be seen — on a movie screen. There will be screenings all over America from now through the end of 2015, as well as several major cities in Canada, the United Kingdom, Ireland, and Germany.

The first screening is in San Francisco on April 20th at the iconic Castro Theatre. This is more than just the premiere of the Last Unicorn Screening Tour. It’s also Peter’s 74th birthday! So from 6-8 PM the Cartoon Art Museum is going to celebrate The Last Unicorn and its creator by throwing a special VIP birthday blast for Peter with another raffle, a VIP auction, more book signing, a book singing — yes, you read that right — and Peter’s first public reading of a brand-new Schmendrick story.

This is Atomic Array’s seventh Special Episode, and seven was certainly a lucky number for me because preplanning this interview got me on the team as an Associate PR Director over at Conlan Press and for this screening tour. Kind of a dream come true. Kind of exactly like one.

Also mentioned:
* Standard Action Season 3 Kickstarter
* ENnies Publisher Karaoke Fundraiser

About that last item… The ENnie Awards are a celebration of quality RPG products. Not for profit, they try to raise money when and where they can, and often in inventively creative ways. This time, one of those ways is to have donations choose three acts to go onstage just before the ENnie Awards 2013 ceremonies begin at Gen Con this August. If my song is in the top three, I - with the help of some Star Trek cosplay models/dancers - will do a version of I Melt With You by Modern English, only I’ll sing I Meld With You and be done up as Spock facepalming wriggling Enterprise dames right and left onstage. Should be a fun time, and I’ll record it and upload it to YouTube. If you can spare a single dollar donation, it'd actually mean a lot to the ENnies. And you certainly don't have to pick my song.

.
Link To This Episode

A unicorn fears she may be the last of her kind, and sets out to discover why.

The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle was first published in 1968 and is generally considered one of the all-time best fantasy novels. The book was followed in 1982 by an animated film adaptation. Featuring the voices of Alan Arkin, Jeff Bridges and Mia Farrow, the film captured the hearts of a generation of fans.

After more than thirty years, enthusiasm for The Last Unicorn is still strong. I am particularly fond of this story, and so I jumped at the chance to help Peter with the upcoming screening tour.

Visit The Last Unicorn Screening Tour Website

The goal of the tour is to give as many people as possible a chance to meet Peter and see The Last Unicorn the way it was created to be seen — on a movie screen. There will be screenings all over America from now through the end of 2015, as well as several major cities in Canada, the United Kingdom, Ireland, and Germany.

The first screening is in San Francisco on April 20th at the iconic Castro Theatre. This is more than just the premiere of the Last Unicorn Screening Tour. It’s also Peter’s 74th birthday! So from 6-8 PM the Cartoon Art Museum is going to celebrate The Last Unicorn and its creator by throwing a special VIP birthday blast for Peter with another raffle, a VIP auction, more book signing, a book singing — yes, you read that right — and Peter’s first public reading of a brand-new Schmendrick story.

This is Atomic Array’s seventh Special Episode, and seven was certainly a lucky number for me because preplanning this interview got me on the team as an Associate PR Director over at Conlan Press and for this screening tour. Kind of a dream come true. Kind of exactly like one.

Also mentioned:
* Standard Action Season 3 Kickstarter
* ENnies Publisher Karaoke Fundraiser

About that last item… The ENnie Awards are a celebration of quality RPG products. Not for profit, they try to raise money when and where they can, and often in inventively creative ways. This time, one of those ways is to have donations choose three acts to go onstage just before the ENnie Awards 2013 ceremonies begin at Gen Con this August. If my song is in the top three, I - with the help of some Star Trek cosplay models/dancers - will do a version of I Melt With You by Modern English, only I’ll sing I Meld With You and be done up as Spock facepalming wriggling Enterprise dames right and left onstage. Should be a fun time, and I’ll record it and upload it to YouTube. If you can spare a single dollar donation, it'd actually mean a lot to the ENnies. And you certainly don't have to pick my song.

Oh the crushing truth of you.

Very cool - one-stop shopping!

I posted that video on my Facebook page yesterday (filched from Mike Selinker)... when it was only at 150 views. A day later and it's at 16.5k+!

That's viral, baby.

Two weeks I'll bet it hits 100K.

I swear to you, Big Mammy, I ain't laced with arsenic. That'd make me some kind of Kulinary Kamikaze... and last I checked the only thing on me that says flag of Japan is that inflamed tick bite on my pale rear end.

That was a superb rendition of The Incredible Hulk theme. I don't think TV censors would have let that through during the show's run, though. :)

Thank you, sir.

That piece is actually called The Lonely Man theme. I picked it for the rant without even realizing it shared a concept with the rant title. Neat, that.

Paizo stole the name Pathfinder from me when James Jacobs saw me riding around in a Nissan Pathfinder. When I confronted him about it at Gen Con and he threw his bagel up into the air to distract me, slapped the red state of Texas onna my cheek, and ran up the street with feline grace.

Sometimes Goliath wins. You just have to suck it up, excuse yourself from the room, and weep into your hands until the make-up washes off revealing the treasure map your uncle tattooed there for you.

The Jade wrote:

Kajehase wrote:

Badger, badger, badger

Wait... so you're saying that BADGER x3 is a triple anagram code for how Mike Welham BARGED in GARBED in a RED BAG?

Does that mean he's hiding in Santa's sack posing as a wrapped gift, and that this episode with him is an under the tree prezzie for gamers everywhere? That is deep, man.

Well, you know us blondes, always ready with the profound statements.

Blondes have always given me the best advice. I wouldn't be where I am without them.

.
.
.

-Said the guy in maximum security lockdown with a barking case of syphilis and a worldwide fatwā on his double-eyepatched head.

The Atomic Array Podcast's latest Special Edition: Breaking Into RPG Freelancing with Mike Welham <--linkie.

Listen in and hear Mike talk about the contest, and Sean K. Reynolds comes on at the end for a five minute discussion about RPG Superstar.

It's true. I should get ALL THE CREDITS.

Adulation of me is a virtue.

Impostor! Thou art an unmitigated scamp! But in this particular case, you're absolutely right.

For me... this about sums it up. The fear of losing one's... potency in this world. An excerpt from The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock T.S. Eliot (poem started in 1910, published in 1915).

I grow old … I grow old …
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.

We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
Till human voices wake us, and we drown.

I came to read the insulting reviews, I feel wronged.

I now insult you for misleading me and making false promises.

This was my plan all along, Shifty. To lure you into my trap with your own sadistic need to revel in the dark human circus. To get you to that video by any means necessary. From the very moment you were born there was a string tied to your wrist. Oh, little Shifty remembers that string from his earliest recollections, but he thought it was from the blue balloon he was given for that street parade. Floats, clowns and brass musicians smiling and waving as they passed by in the twilight... so much taller than him that they appeared as garish giants floating by on wing'd wagons. But no. The string is much older than that, and fasioned from impure intent. Do you not remember my leering face as I made terrible pacts with your elders? Me bending down to tie it to you myself? It pulled you closer to the goal, ever closer. And now that I have your "view" logged onto my precious YouTube video, you can never get it back.

And the entrenched ligature my string left behind? That empty space you've always felt and blamed for your sourness? Let it run wet... a primal stinging aqueduct for your unsparing tears!

Was it worth it? My scheme that stretched across decades and cost me $264,000? Yes, a thousand times yes. And I'd do it again.

hahahaha
MWaHaHaHa
MWAHAHAHA
MWWAAAAAAHAHA-<HACK HACK HACK>

My inhaler! Someone!

Crimson Jester wrote:

"...as if he is channeling the voice of Erich Zann."

Get it right.

Wait... Erich Zann was mute.

Maybe that was Jester's wishful thinking coming into play. ;)

Iron GM wanted to thank Offworld Designs for the many T-shirts they've given us over the years, and so I wrote and recorded a silly little ditty and shot a video with Jen Page.

HERE IT IS! <--there it was

Paizo posters had these hurtful things to say about it on Facebook:

Mairkurion - "I love it! But who's the guy with the creepy voice? Sounds like David Bowie mated with a member of the Mythos..."

Crimson Jester - "Rone's voice comes across as some weird vibe as if he is chaneling the voice of Erich Zann."

Heathansson - "I was waiting for the bass drop.....gzzzzzz WOOP! WOOP! bvvvvvvvvvvp "tshirt for that booty pow" gzzzz WOOP! WOOP! BVVVVVVVVVP GAKGAKGAK "TSHIRT FOR THAT BOOTY POW" GZZZZZ...... Skrillex style."

HoustonDerek: "That sounds like dubstep...ewwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's awful. Sounds like dying frogs. Rone, I don't even know you anymore."

The Jade (to mine critics): "Never stop @#$%ing yourselves."

Other Paizonians had this to say:

The Eldritch Mr. Shiny - "Gamer-themed pop punk = win."

Wolfthulhu - "Hahaha... [epic mount] Nice..."

Urizen - "This video is even better than white power milk!"

Ambrosia Slaad - "Jen is cute, and so is the video. :)"

All in good fun. I love these guys.

While you're at it... click me too to prove you can.

And if for any reason you have yet to vote for your favorite RPG stuff at the ENnie Awards, please choose the ENnie nominated Iron GM Podcast for Best Podcast HERE.

(For someone with such a badass name, that Flame Princess is a real downer, if you ask me.)

So true.

I dated the Lady of Pain back during my Sigil days, and yet she never hurt me. Kept expecting to catch a razor during one of our hugs. Then one day I said the wrong thing about the vegetarian burrito she made for me and... you would have thought I crushed her puppy underfoot, man. Her face exploded into a torrent of tears that filled the room four inches high and she wept for over an hour, explaining...

"Your cruelty is why I'm the Lady of Pain."

So then I sez, "You... you don't deserve your charisma score, kid. I'm out."

Loviatar heard about it and calls me a day later, pretending to be a concerned friend of us both and that she wants to console and support me, but I wasn't falling for that game. I know all these paingirlz are into the same kind of bad boyfriend fetish, and I was tired of being the crop, y'know? Way too much drama and guilt.

Shout out to 12 steppers: "Grod give me the smash to smash what I cannot smash."

Thanks for pointing it out. Really glad to see someone's doing this. I like metaphysical post apocalypse stories because they're so rare and require raw tonnage of imagination.

Clinton Boomer and I started to work on an RPG based on this very premise (I think ours covered more of timeline) back in late 2008, but we both got too busy to get into serious writing.

It will astound you...
The soundless boundless groundless
Beauty of deep space

Level Sorewizz for
It is a corrupt city
Where it hurts to pee

Kellog's Frosted Flames
Conjuration (Creation)
Level: Sor/Wiz 4

You'd think Evocation, but this is just really good cereal.

Well, in keeping with the general naughtiness:

*Casts a hold person on CH whilst deepest in his bow.*

"Have at, sixth fleet!"

<ahem>

So yeah, the Savage Worlds episode went well I thought...

Naw... can't segue back naturally. Can't be done.

Thanks, taig, for the kind words and for that proper pronunciation.

Perhaps my difficulty in saying it the right way is that I knew Kajehase would salute a perfect pronunciation with the cheer, "Keep rocking them softies!" I've heard that chilling rally cry before, back during my haunting early days as a fluffer.