Limey Of Barsoom's page

You are Isekaied into another world. What kind of world and what you you be?

With my luck I would be in a hard core middle ages world as an average serf with no powers. yay? Why does it feel like hard core Oregon Trail?

I went to sleep in a cave, and when I awoke, I was on the soft, mossy sward of a Dying World, where I became the most powerful man on the planet just by leaping about in the nude.

We're on Mars again! :D

Kaor! Kaor!

Vanykrye wrote:

Our Florida office closed.

Ugh, the Florida jokes, I mean every time-

Vanykrye wrote:

They were 99% remote anyway, and the few people that were in that satellite office just picked up their equipment and took it home. We have no IT personnel that are even living in Florida to help, but again, they were basically already set up for this very situation due to hurricane prep.

Oh! That's actually quite a nice thing to say! You know, I think we really should all be nicer about states, and maybe realize that you can't lump everyone together under a single monolith, no matter what sort of trends (or stereotypes based on them) might say-

Vanykrye wrote:

Our Virginia office is just now starting to think about sending people home. There's no on-site IT there either.

I dread where this one might be going.

HAW-HAW, LOOKIT THE VUR-JIN-IYANS, WHAT A LUUUZER STATE FUR LUUUZERZ

Ahem ahem, I notice that they didn't select a Florida resident to travel across the limitless gulph of space to become Jeddak of Jeddaks and Supreme Warlord of the Red Planet...

(And goodness knows what havoc Florida Man might have wrought amongst the banths and Tharks...)

First Starfinder game ever - we all got pregens, and I took the four armed masked grey thing who can manipulate subatomic particles.

Fun game, but we're rolling appallingly.

Apparently, we're going to pause 'Kingmaker' for a bit and play Starfinder instead.

What are the chances of me making a character that resembles a) Thars Tharkas or b) a version of Dejah Thoris who can do something bar act snippy and get captured?

Pretty good, I'd say.

Vanykrye wrote:

Cosmo. Dude. We need to talk. My company has other IT employees, and they're perfectly capable of doing work.

I'm not the only one you have to send to the Virginia office. Again. The only person in IT that travels more than me is the CIO.

I mean, we know you have considerable, if not unlimited, pull at my company, so can't you find someone else?

Please?

I blame Cosmo that Vany has not considered doing his IT duties while channeling Willem Defoe's Tars Tarkas:

Vany: {pats server rack} "You are ugly, but you are beautiful. And you fight like a Thark!"

Vany: {every 30 seconds:} "Vor... ginya. Vorginya!"

Vany: {gestures to surroundings} "But Vorginya fights for us! He will fight the Torquas in the south. The Warhoons in the north! And he will be called Dotar Sojat!"

That should stop you from being dispatched to that particular office.

And if that fails to work, start channeling Willem Dafoe's Norman Osborn.

It might work, and if it doesn't, and the oxygen plant fails, at least Disney's 'John Carter' will rot, unremembered and unloved, on the dead canal bottoms of a decaying world.

Hopfully inn spauce yeve leaurnede graummmmitacalll countenance.

Do you kiss your Jeddak with that mouth?

Say that again in the Ancient Language of Barsoom, please.

Everything Disney touches turns to PURE CINEMATIC GOLD!

Look at 'John Carter'

Limey Of Barsoom wrote:

He's wrong.

Everyone's from Mars.

Nope, women are from venus

Dejah isn't. Thuvia isn't. Good thing too, as Venus' toxic atmosphere would do those brass bikinis no good at all.

He's wrong.

Everyone's from Mars.

I'm imagining all the excessive whining of multiple princesses and I just can't imagine that is a win for anyone.

O, you can't hear the whining above the squealing of the thoats and the clash of steel on steel.

And the booming evil laughter of SpaceMaster 7.

You know who wins in space?

The man with the most Princesses.

And that's me.

Who has the most Princesses.

Me.

KAOR!

'Shake it - it's a sign of trust', says John to Dejah.

[Cue Barsoomian wah-wah pedal music]

Watching Disney's 'John Carter', because suffering is good for the soul.

So far:

The Red Men are not remotely red.
Everybody, especially Dejah, is wearing too many clothes.
Woolah is barking
Mors Kajak appears to be very badly constipated.
The plot lies in tatters, with only Sweaty Matai Shang's glow in the dark gauntlet to compensate.

H

'Ylana of Callisto' by Lin Carter

Lord Of The Jurassic Moon, coming soon to a theater near you!!!

This has to happen. When is it going to happen?

Talk to your people, CY.

I pit IHIYC against a pickled herring in the Great Games of the Warhoons.

I've been re-reading 'Warrior of Mars', by Michael Moorcock, a workmanlike if unexceptional Edgar Rice Burroughs ripoff. Michael enjoyed writing it, which is nice to hear.

Dejah Thoris.

Drejk wrote:

Limey Of Barsoom wrote:

Freehold DM wrote:

Page 3000

We must become futuristic versions of ourselves.

Does it mean brain-powered airships and no trousers for anyone?

If so, COUNT ME IN!

I am not letting anyone take away my trousers.

You could always wear a skirt if they get your trousers.

No skirts either!

Page 3000

We must become futuristic versions of ourselves.

Does it mean brain-powered airships and no trousers for anyone?

If so, COUNT ME IN!

You kids, with your Z-Bombers and Tights Flighters. In my day, we had solar-powered fliers powered by Radium Brains, and we liked it!

In Space, no-one can hear you drink Cosmic Scottish Stout combined with Interstellar Irish Whiskey.

Which is just as well, seeing as it wouldn't be very interesting for the person (or Thing) listening.

You're from Space Wisconsin.

For you, not having any cheese would be like having no breathable atmosphere, for other folks.

On Barsoom, we have delicious, milky plants and that it.

I am so sick of delicious, milky plants.

So this is the party in space huh? I thought it would be bigger for some reason and more naked green dancing alien women. No matter I can find something to do around here.

In space, no-one can see you nuuude.

On Barsoom, things are quite different. Intergalactic bums ahoy!

Rmph.

Why are 6:43 AM exist.
>:/
Why are am up at 6:43 AM.
ಠ_ಠ

At that time, every day, I LEAP! from my silks and sleeping furs with a song in my heart and a sparkle in my codpiece, bellow "GOOD MORNING, BARSOOM!" and then gallop off on a thoat in search of wandering Princesses

Sword and Planet

YES PLEASE.

'Synthetic Men of Mars' by Edgar Rice Burroughs

Also been back on the Gardner F. Fox - 'Kothar, Barbarian Swordsman' and 'Kyric - Warlock Warrior', to be precise, even if Kyric does absolutely no warlock-ing whatsoever, preferring to spend all his time eating and perving over young women instead, the lazy git.

And for non-fiction, 'Selected Works of Alexandra Kollontai', by the late Soviet ambassador to Helium.

The Soviet Ambassador to Helium, Helium, Helium
The Soviet Ambassador to Helium
Is a woman that I revere, etc.

Hey, great!

Your first job is to go up to that 12 foot tall green fellow with four arms and huge tusks and flick his nut-sack with a rubber band. Then go down to the stores for a long stand and a tin of Tartan paint.

I don't have any underlings on!

Barsoom's gravity renders them unnecessary, and besides, anything bar a few leather straps and a bit of bronze chainmail is frankly a bit de trop this season.

The alias name "Limey Of Barsoom" just gave me a Pavlovian craving for a giant space margarita.

SPACE MARGARITAS ALL ROUND!

Humph. Well, you can't prove I have the princess anyway. Now for the matter at hand! I demand tribute!

What are you going to do with the trilobites once you have them?

I want to leap, leap, fight, leap and SIIIING!!

After which I will rescue a Princess from space badgers and/or man eating petunias, should anyone have one handy.

Limey Of Barsoom wrote:

And with one mighty SPRING! I enter the thread.

And promptly leave again. Time is short, and those brass bikinis aren't going to polish themselves. Hold still, Dejah.

Take me with you!!

Are you a Mauve Martian, Ecru Martian, Summer Dreams Martian, Peach Blossom Martian or Off-Grey Slate Martian?

Actually, never mind. Here - have a chammy and a dollop of Brasso. You take the left one and we'll be done in no time, solar winds and whims of the Space Empress Sissyl permitting.

And with one mighty SPRING! I enter the thread.

And promptly leave again. Time is short, and those brass bikinis aren't going to polish themselves. Hold still, Dejah.