Eddin Costayne's page

This was more like: Imagine young Arthur had a buddy named Eddie and when they were squires together, Eddie pulled Excalibur out of the stone, but the story was still all about Arthur and Excalibur. And the writer kept insisting that Eddie had gotten there first because he was faster, so that's just how it happened. And also, Eddie wasn't the main character, it was still Arthur. And the fact that Eddie could run faster than Arthur was never a significant detail, except in that opening scene.

"So... why does Eddie pull the sword out?" I naively asked.
"Because that's what happened."
"But... why?"
"Because he was faster."
"So... Arthur couldn't have been faster, seeing as how it is his sword and his story?"
"But Eddie is faster."

'Course I was faster! I'm just that good. And not only that, but I went right up to that gosh-danged stone, pulled out that sword, and sliced Arthur's heckin' head clean off, 'cause I never liked that no-good dingus anyhow. And then everybody got real mad, and I was all, "what did I do?" I still don't get it.

So, a priest, a thief, and two assassins walk into a bar. The bartender looks up, and says, "what is this, some kind of joke?"

Eddin ignores Ash's comment, instead looking around to his compatriots.

"What, are we just gonna stand around? I need to beat these guys."

"Hey, you wanna find me something to fight that has Kidneys, or a liver, I can make 'em seriously regret getting up this morning. But THESE things are just annoying! I hate skellies,..."

Eddin pulls a mock serious face, pointing at Ash with his sword (still well back from the melee).

"Look out! There's a skeleton inside of you!"

"If anyone else would like to join the battle, I would appreciate it, Mr. Ash, Mr Costayne, Mr. Faine."

Eddin puts on a mock-indignant face.

"Hey, I just set everything on fire. You should be putting me up for a medal. I mean, seriously..."

"You know, you never can trust skeletons. Always got a bone to pick..."

As the scene appears to devolve into chaos, Eddin chuckles to no one in particular.

"Hoooo boy... man, I love this. You know what they say: teamwork makes the dream work."

As the flames from his fiery attack leap up from the ground, Eddin's eyes light up.

"Hey! You know what really burns my butt-cheeks?"

Without waiting for an answer, he waves his hand parallel to the ground at waist height.

"A fire about yay high."

After waiting what seems to him to be an interminably long time, Eddin shouts to Chandi and Kanir as he nonchalantly tosses a vial of clear, viscous liquid up in the air.

"You guys good? OK, good. Now, hold my beer and watch this."

Eddin lobs the vial of alchemist's fire at the bunched-up skeletons.

Ranged touch: 1d20 + 11 ⇒ (11) + 11 = 22; damage: 1d6 ⇒ 3

Seeing the skeletons begin to bunch up in the tight corridor, Eddin holds up one hand, the other fishing around in his belt pouch.

"Wait a second, I've seen this kind of thing before. I've got an idea."

"RassinFrassinSkeletons!!

Eddin gives Ash a friendly grin as he tosses his dagger in the air, deftly catching it in his left hand.

"Wow, nice shot, dingus. You know, I think you've got this about covered, so I'm just gonna hang out."

Hold action until the skeletons get a little closer. Eddin's not in a hurry.

"Well, the GOOD news is I found some more playmates for ya! The bad news is, they have NO respect for Elvish skills of hiding and silence. The REALLY bad news is, they're coming this way,..." Ash finishes, taking another step farther behind Eddin.

"What the heck are you talking about? I was trying to be stealthy, then you had to go off an make a ton of noise, and now you come running back saying you brought..."

A light seems to go on in Eddin's head as the noise of rattling bones comes closer, and he draws his sword and dagger.

"Oh... wait, yeah... OK, skeletons. Got it, never mind, that makes more sense than what I was thinking of. Man, this is such a cliché. Next time you see something shiny, I hope it's a pit full of gem-encrusted spikes..."

Dem Bones

Somehow, I just knew...

For now, Eddin's going to move to somewhere around J25.

Initiative: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (8) + 3 = 11

"You will need it to start your new lives after this adventure is over," Chandi replies. "I will take no share. I prefer you divide it up after we finish so you remain alive to help to the end. Also, if you fight to the death, you will not receive a share anyway."

At this, Eddin nearly doubles over laughing.

"'New lives?' 'Over?' Did you just use those words together in the same sentence? Gosh dang it, I knew all along you were a comedian under all that weird gray paint. Oh, that just made my day. You slay me..."

Eddin slaps Ash on the back with enough force to nearly knock the elf over.

"Nice job, buddy, that almost looked professional. Oh, and thanks for helping me open my chest. You can help yourself to whatever's left over when I'm done. Now, you won't mind if I..." Eddin says as he reaches down into the strongbox and grabs two heaping handfuls of gold and platinum coins.

"You know, there was this one time years ago when I was digging in this lady's garden, and I found a little box of gold coins. I was about to run back into the house to tell her about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in the garden..."

*

"How did you ever live a life of crime, you incompetent rube?" Kanir says as he pushes his way past Eddin impatiently. He sets to work on the strongbox.

[dice=Disable Device]1d20+18

"Life of crime? What in the heck are you talking about? I'm a hero, remember? And besides, looks like you're having a little trouble yourself, there, buddy. Want me to get you a rock or something?"

Eddin moves from corpse to corpse, rummaging through the belongings of each, occasionally pulling a face. Stopping at the body of the male spellcaster, he makes an exaggerated show of pocketing the three small ampules of purplish fluid before moving on, whistling a sentimental tune.

As he finishes making his rounds, Eddin gestures to Ash and winks.

"Oh boy... those coins sure do look heavy. I mean, really heavy. I can't tell you how glad I am to have friends like you to carry them for me, especially after I saved all of you from certain death. I mean..."

He trails off, spotting the cache at the western end of the room, which he begins searching, immediately smashing open one of the casks.

"Well, I'll be danged, if it ain't pickled sausage, just like grandma used to make. Don't mind if I do."

Snacking on reeking preserved meat, he then picks up one of the kegs, cutting a small hole in the butt with his kukri and giving its contents a sniff.

"I knew it. These weirdos were holding out on us. I call dibs. Oh, and by the way, that little strongbox is mine too. I called it first. And, as you know, I'm a master locksmith, so I'll be able to get it open in no time."

After lifting the keg over his head and thoroughly dousing himself with ale, actually managing to get some of it in his mouth, he sets to work on the strongbox, alternating between taking bites of pickled sausage and attempting to open the well-locked box by smashing it against the wall.

Strength: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (10) + 2 = 12

"Y'know, I think I've had one of them epiphanies. All the time, I used to see the names of lovers engraved on trees, and I never thought it romantic. Not one bit, and I couldn't figure out why. Now here I am, adding to my ear collection, and I finally realized... isn't it weird how many people take knives with them on dates? I mean, it's normal when I do it, but everyone else I've met is some kind of weirdo or another..."

Chandi moves near the downed wizard. "Anyone injured, gather near."

Eddin shakes his head and resumes his plundering.

"No way, lady, I was too busy bein' thrilling and heroic to need healing. Besides, if I needed it, I'd do it myself. Hidden depths and all that, remember?"

"You know," 'Ash' says to no one in particular.

"I used to think after all I seen, no one could get under my skin. I was wrong."

The elf grins evilly, caressing a knife,...

"In return, I think I'll get under his skin. Fair's fair,..."

In response, Eddin sheathes his knife and grins, clapping his hands together.

"Oooh, I'll be danged, there's hope for you yet, son. Just remember, you gotta hold it by the grippy part, not the stabby part."

In between slicing ears off of the various dead drow, Eddin takes the time to point vaguely in Ash's direction with his kukri knife.

"Hey, weird gray guy. No, not you, you."

He holds up a severed ear and points to it.

"Is this yours? Wait, wait, don't tell me, I've got an idea."

Holding the severed drow ear up to his mouth, he waits for a second, then shouts into it.

"Hey! Hey, dingus! Can you hear me? I think you dropped this!"

Eddin shrugs, shoving the ear into a pocket, then gesticulating in Ash's direction with his kukri.

"Y'know, I don't think that was yours after all. Here, let me have one of yours, and we can make us an experiment. I gotta say, though, between friends, I doubt you'll want it back once I'm done with it. Just sayin'."

Eddin sighs, resting his hands on his hips, and looks at the fallen drow with a contemplative expression.

"You know, if I hadn't been here to save the day, you guys would all have been screwed..."

He shakes his head, shrugs, looks around, then commences cutting the ears off the corpses and rifling through their pockets.

Think Eddin's got time to wind up his crossbow?

Any word on our positions on the map?

Finished updating, I think...

Who's left, enemy-wise?

Eddin squints at the webbing, one hand pressed to his forehead. After a brief moment, he shakes his head, then fishes around in his belt pouch, pulling out a small vial filled with a clear oily liquid. He shrugs.

"What the heck. Screw it."

Taking a step back, Eddin whips the vial at the floor next to the webbing. As it smashes on the stone, the substance inside bursts into flame, splashing in every direction.

1 vial alchemist's fire to U12. Since he's basically just smashing it on the floor in an adjacent square, do I need to roll here?

Exactly how flammable is the webbing? Asking for a friend.

Let's give that combat maneuver roll a shot and see where it gets us...

[dice="Combat Maneuver]1d20+10

Survey says... nowhere. And how.

Eddin attempts to do a smooth ninja-roll through the webbing, but loses his balance and smacks his head off the wall. Staggering backward a bit, he shakes his head.

"It's alright, everybody, just checking the structural integrity of this old place."

He pats the cavern wall with one hand, still looking a bit dazed.

"Yeah, they just don't make them like they used to..."

And that's his action for the round round, folks...

Let's give that combat maneuver roll a shot and see where it gets us...

Combat Maneuver: 1d20 + 10 ⇒ (1) + 10 = 11

Survey says... nowhere. And how.

From where he's at, can Eddin get a line of sight on anyone, in particular, the spellcaster? Not sure how easy it is to see through the webbing.

"I don't know who this "The Ash" guy is, but he'd oughtta know you gotta stick 'em with the pointy end, not the side part. Hey... is this the same guy you told me tried to stab you with the handle? Or was that you? Sometimes I get confused."

Eddin shakes his head, massaging his temples.

"Dang it, Bobby..."

Well FIRST they;d have to care. THEN there's the eternal struggle of getting a word in edgewise,..."

Eddin shrugs.

"I dunno, bud. You sure seem to feel the need to always have the last word. I always knew you cared, friend-o."

"I can't imagine why nobody else would want to talk to you."

"You're darn right! I'm just that interesting. Not to mention my natural charm and magnetism."

"And here I am, talking to myself. Again.. I swear, this keeps happening... you'd think I'd gone gosh-danged crazy. Good thing I know better, eh?"

Eddin Costayne wrote:

"...Remember, you can't spell 'slaughter' without 'laughter.'"

A wrinkle appears between the Samsaran's brows for a momeent. "Huh. Mr. Costayne is correct."

"Dang skippy, boss lady. You should know by now, I'm always right."

"Don't let it get to his head. Stopped clocks, and all that..." Kanir remarks.

"Wait, your clock stopped? Better get that fixed, bud, never know when you're gonna need to know what time it is."

”Ah, more enemies awaiting slaughter,” Kanir says calmly as he produces his blades.

"Aw, c'mon, buddy, turn that frown upside down. You gotta keep a positive attitude. Remember, you can't spell 'slaughter' without 'laughter.' Positive positive positive."

"Sheesh, A man can't even loot the dead in peace. What kind of cruddy second-rate dungeon are you running here?! I paid for the DELUXE experience!"

"Wait, you're telling me you paid for a spot in this janky little suicide squad? Well, I guess it goes to show there really is a sucker born every minute. Man, I gotta step up my game."

Initiative: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (17) + 3 = 20

Hearing Mythaniel's shouts, Eddin lazily draws his sword and dagger.

"So, I gotta get this cleared up-- are you asking the attackers to pull you back, or are you asking the oaf to pull you back 'cause you're being attacked? Or... you're asking them both to pull, 'cause you're sad and you want to end it all by getting ripped in half. You really need to be more specific, buddy. Can you explain in detail?"

"Y'know, this all reminds me of a true fact I learned when I was just a young'un. So my brother had this pet spider, and he taught it to do tricks. He'd say "jump," and the spider would jump right up in the danged air. It sure was neat, alright. So I thought it would be funny to pull the spider's legs off, and the next day, my brother said to the spider, "jump," and it didn't move. And that's how I found out that if you pull a spider's legs off, it goes deaf. True story."

Kanir regards the fallen spider creatures. "Pity," is all he says, quietly. He carefully sheaths his blade.

Dramatically digging a finger into one ear, Eddin shouts across the cavern at Kanir.

"What? I still can't hear you. And you weren't even lurking that time, which is weird. You've really got to learn how to speak up, Cool Guy."

"Yeah! That's right! Just come back if yeh want some more! Oh, wait,..."

Ash kicks lightly at the nearest spider-lady body.

"You can't. Your dead. Nyahh."

"Figured that one out, eh? I'll say, you're quicker than a greased sloth. Wait, no, that's not right..."

Kanir says to Eddin. "You're trying too hard. Next time you're lost for words, just let them go. Maybe they don't want to be found."

"Ha! So that's where you've been lurking. I knew you were around here somewhere. Anyway, did you say something? I wasn't paying attention."

"Meh. Yer alright until yeh start referring to yourself in the third person. Or become famous for repeating the same one-liners over and over. The Ash would never do that."

Eddin rolls his eyes.

"Oh, sure, buddy. I mean, who would? You'd have to be some kind of..."

He appears to be searching for words, but comes up half-empty.

"Danged... primitive... screw.. head? Whatever. Next."

"Oh, what, first I have to deal with all of these sarcastic jerks, and now there's talking animals, too? Not OK, guys, not OK. I swear, I'm almost starting to feel like we're in some freaky puppet show. I mean, really. What's next, theme music? Or worse, narration?"

Noticing the lull in the combat, Eddin slumps visibly, holding his arms out in a petulant gesture (though still keeping hold of his weapons).

"Really? Really? I feel like I've been standing here for years... I'm waiting, dang it. Can't get no respect. None at all."

After a moment, he shakes his head, falling back into a fighting stance.

"Sheesh... Tough crowd..."

Eddin Costayne wrote:

Hey, though... maybe the scruffy-looking guy in the little square picture with the dumb shirt and the stupid haircut has a point.

Who's scruffy-looking?

You know, a good buddy of mine told me a story earlier. So there's these five guys, and they walk into a bar. You'd think one of them would have seen it, but nope.

I couldn't help but hear some noises while you were standing there, slack-jawed. I think they might have been coming from your face, but I'm not so sure they weren't coming from somewhere else...

Don't cross me, man.

OK, OK, sheesh... I don't cross nobody, especially anyone who can make my head a splode just by thinking about it. Hey, though... maybe the scruffy-looking guy in the little square picture with the dumb shirt and the stupid haircut has a point. You know anything about this whole Shadow Broker thing? I feel like we could get in on that action. It sounds like one heckin' heck of a racket. Whadd'ya say... partners? Let's go broke some shadows. Eh? How 'bout it?

I mean, there's no possible way this could go wrong. What are they going to do, flay me alive with their mind? Crazy talk...

David M Mallon wrote:

Patrick Curtin wrote:

I do think I might reboot the Suicide Squad game at some point.

I'd be up for it.

"Hey, I got one for you. What do you call a deer with no eyes? The answer's gonna kill ya, I swear..."

Cripes all Friday, I tell ya, I've got no-eye-deer.