His Mighty Girthness Chief Rendwattle Gutwad

Chief Gutwad the Mighty's page

32 posts. Alias of baldwin the merciful.


It was fun gaming with you all, I will make the game inactive sometime today.

Yous be guud group of goluns, better than others except maybe me and Lick Toe, yous not kilt that be be guud too. Me thought fat one would die cuz he be fat, scrawny ones too becauze yous be scrawny. Nun of yous guud enouf for Chief job right now becuz I still have the teeterchair and yous don't. This be your conclusion of time with Licktoad Tribe.

This was fun but sadly it is the end of the adventure. If I ever decide to run We Be Goblins Too! I'll let you all know. That being said, I'm planning on running another finite one shot adventure on the PbP boards soon.

As Mog slightly miscalculates and half his body thunks into the door jam while the other half dangles against Zunk's derriere. A vision of Chief Gutwad lingers in Mog's head cackling like a fat pig.

An image of Chief Gutwad settles in Burner's unconsciousness. "You play dead guud, Cuddles bad dog."

GRRRRRRRRRRRRWWRR Chief Gutwad mad...very very mad, bad site gobbled up post!

Mighty Chief Gutwad grins, "Mighty guud stuff be in my pockets, me have best pockets." He slides his chubby fingers in pocket and pulls out a pointy hat of dark blue felt, embroidered in silver thread with stars. One golbin feints at the sight of such a wonderful gift. The chief hands that hat to Zunk. "Lucky hat, guud mojo."

He quickly stuff's his other hand into a pocket a pulls out a clay jar filled with stinky orc's foot cheese, a true delicacy as he hand's it to Freigaar. You notice a chunk of it is missing. "Me fav'rit."

He wormy fingers slide in a small inside pocket and hands over to Sparque a pair of fancy silky red slippers, embroidered with gold thread. "Keep toesys warm, when sleep."

He reaches in a deep pocket to remove Mogmurch's item a dwarven drinking horn with a strange drinking scene etched on it. "Me waited long time to steal this, but Chief nimble like cat and git it." the though of this chief ever being nimble is quite shocking.

Lastly he pulls out for Biter a jar full of picked white mice. The Chief's wet's his lips as his stomach talks to the tribe. "Maybe you have guud mojo now."

When all the commotion settles down it is announced, "They leave tomor'w, go git chief fireworks or not come back."

Pocket song results:

Freigaar - pocket 3
Sparque - pocket 4
Zunk - pocket 7
Biter - pocket 1
Mogmurch - pocket 2

The goblin tribe all inches closer on the ground, excitedly waiting what's in the chief's pockets. I'll get the items up tomorrow, I'm feeling a bit under the weather.

All the goblins are simply enjoying watching Mog turn eight shades of green, so they are hooting and holler along with his attempt.

The chief slaps his knee at the attempt.

Pocket song results:

Freigaar - pocket 3
Sparque - pocket 4
Zunk - pocket 7
Biter - pocket 1
Mogmurch -

Chief Gutwad bobs his head, "I like part about stew, fuud be guud." He shrugs, "You pick pocket...ok too."

As if on cue there's a mighty spew as his mightiness is now green-blue, a wonderful hue. "Mog sick, he may dead, but try to save his head." The chief shakes his chucky foot and dead mouse slides from under under his robes. "Picky up treat, you eat." He points to Sparque. "Yeh, you picky pocket too."

The chief claps to the song as it is sung. "Song be guud!" He chuckles, "Guud...guud to sing 'bout me...make me happi, almost make me pee." wiggles his girth on the teeter chair, for a moment the chair creaks. "Picky pocket....you"

I'm going to wait to reveal what's in the various pockets until everyone sings and picks a number.

Burn dances with glee around the campfire making sure he rubs in his conquest well.

"Biter bett'r than Mog. Mog not so guud. Bit'r git use of mighty weapon, weapon of fear and terror." he holds up his dogslicer to many ohhhhs and ahhhhs. "This be on LOAN that mean you give back to me, no give back I feed you to," he looks over a the dead pig, "to well...I just feed you to something terrible, you understand?" He pauses "this be Gorge of Gluttons, most fear weapon in swamp."

a +1 dogslicer that functions as a bane weapon when utilized against horses (improving to a +3 dogslicer that inflicts an additional 2d6 points of damage on a successful hit).

He picks up a pickled frog and squeezes it hard so all the gooey yumminess explodes in his mouth. He licks up and the juice then pops the pickled creature in his massive orifice that opened between his four chins.

"Now we sing song to me for chance to play trade pockets." This is classic gambling game, where challenged goblins trade what's in their pockets with other goblins. But the opportunity to trade pockets with the goblins chieftain is an incredible honor, in fact it's better than incredible it's guud too! "Sing guud song if I like you pick a pocket."

Boom Boom Song

♪ ♫Boom, boom, kaboom,
That’s the sound of goblin might
Blast them! Splash them
make them go up like a light!
Fire be good, flame be better,
We make them deader!
Boom, boom, kaboom
Let’s give them some doom.
♪♫ ♪ ♫

"Moggy...you eat new sluggos...yummy in your tummy."

start again eat till you finish and the goblin that finishes first wins.

"It has pockets with some useful items of course....you silly. Er...but only has four pockets left."


This is a robe of useful items that has only four patches left—a ladder, a three-legged turtle, a horseshoe, and a bullhorn.

The chief puts his mighty dogslicer across his lap, "Biter...Mogmurch both bad mojo'd goblins...probably die on quest." On cue he farts so loud and boobing, the odor waffles over the a 30 foot radius. Eyes water and goblins drop to revel in his holiness. "You both eat slugs, first to finish get to use mighty Gorge of Gluttons...loser die on quest anyway, need no weapon."

Gorge of Gluttons:
a +1 dogslicer that functions as a bane weapon when utilized against horses (improving to a +3 dogslicer that inflicts an additional 2d6 points of damage on a successful hit).

The crowd begins to murmur, but the Chief's booming voice beckons to the crowd, "I...grant you less'r goblins ...okness to listen to me. I say no bad mojo, but guud warrior"

"Becuz he mighty strong, I give him gift of “Dragon Brew Gourd” to h'lp his quest."

dragon brew gourd:
This is an elixir of fire breath.

Goblins toil all afternoon to build the bonfire out of branches, sticks, and unburnt timbers taken from the ruins of Scribbleface’s hut. As night falls, a group of four struggling goblins carry the Teeter Chair (with Chief Gutwad sitting atop it) out to the bonfire, and the chief lights the fire with a Desnan candle.). This signals the start of an all-night party that features lots of good things to eat (snails, fish, and snakes). "We feasting and have many dares. " He chuckles. "Fun dares, but now we have..." He waves forth two goblins who struggle with a oak barrel. "...sour, stinky apples." Everyone knows this a special treat and delicacy that get you drunk very quickly but sometimes wonderful apples and stick with you for the next day. "Heroes eat apples first."

Anyone eating an apple has to make a DC 8fort Save or they are sicken for 24 hours.

"No, no you's ride Squeally, win BIG prize if you no fall."

Everyone in the Holy Palace of the Moon and Sun stops dead...even the mice in Slorb's pockets stop moving. Some foolishly brave stupid goblin dared to ask a question. Then suddenly the booming voice answers, "Ride Squealy Nord, you do. Fun, we watch." It's as if the air has been sucked out of the heavenly sky for everyone knows that to dance with the fearsome boar, who lives in a muddy pit in the middle of the village, right next to the goblin baby cages is basically a death sentence.

As the recruits grovel before the almighty, a deep resonating voice booms from the great Teeter Chair, "You all be heroes. Each of you. You are best Licktoads but for me. And maybe but for Slorb. And well, maybe but for jacq, itchy." There is a slight pauses then he adds a few other names. "And fun, gus, phlem, snotty, lefty, and well righty they be guud too. But never you mind those better guud goblins then you, you still ok. That you aren’t fleeing in terror from mighty sound of my voice is all the proof you should need. Yet soon, all Licktoad goblins will know your might, for I have picked you for a dangerous mission."

He snorts then scratches himself. “You know about fireworks and map we found in Scribbleface’s hut. Fireworks were fun. But map is more fun. It shows a route to a place near the coast where Scribbleface found fireworks. And it says there are more fireworks there! I want them for Licktoads. You all go get them tomorrow. Tonight we have big bonfire to burn bad luck away from you, and we play many games. Much fun. Tomorrow you fetch me fireworks. If you meet men, you make them dead. If you meet dogs, you make them dead. If you meet horses, you make them dead. If you meet Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many, you maybe should run. And if you not find fireworks, you not come back or we feed you to Squealy Nord!”

He then proceeds to pick at his fat dirty toe nails, occasionally tasting what he digs out as appears that he forget you are even in the room.

You are goblins of the Licktoad tribe, who live deep in Brinestump Marsh, south of the hated man-town called Sandpoint. Once, other goblins tried to burn Sandpoint down, and they would have been legends if they had succeeded. But they didn’t bring enough fire, and got themselves killed as a result.

Yesterday, your tribe discovered that one of your own had been using forbidden arts and was engaged in one of the greatest of taboos—writing things down. In fact, rumor holds that what he was writing was a history of your tribe! There’s no swifter way to bring about bad luck than stealing words out of your mind by writing them down, and so your tribe had no choice. You branded the goblin’s face with letters to punish him, which is why everyone calls him Scribbleface now, and then you ran him out of town, took all of his stuff, and burned down his hut.

That’s where things got interesting, because before you all burned down his hut, Chief Gutwad found a weird box within the building. Inside was a map and a lot of fireworks—fireworks that immediately came to use in burning the hut down. Then, this morning, Gutwad announced that tonight there would be a feast in order to drive out any lingering bad luck from
Scribbleface’s poor decisions. But perhaps even more exciting, all of you have been secretly invited to meet at Chief Gutwad’s Moot House.

Why would the chief want to speak to you? It can only mean that he’s got an important mission for you all... one that the other goblins of the tribe couldn’t pull off. This could be your chance to go down in
Licktoad history!

Give me a few minutes to get your maptool tokens in order. Teeth Biter is that the toke you plan to use?

Mogmurch goblin alchemist
Burn Teeth Biter - as sneaky fire/darkness cleric
Sparque, goblin Bard
Zong -fat goblin rogue
Freigaar - goblin barbarian

Make sure you put a few random, nonsensical items in your pockets.

Chief Gutwad walks over to Freigaar, and whacks the barbarian's thick skull with a knotty club. "Guud and hard, guud for taking licks...you go move over to discussion and game thread."

Game recruitment is now closed.

I will ask that each player put under a spoiler on their character sheet a few non-weapons items that are in two or three of their pockets. Fun and interesting items...like the smooshed frog, lint, or pickled toad stools.

We'll play a little game.

"This b'mighty Lick Toad tribe home."

Village Map

This be place to chat about goblin stuff.

Chief stomps his foot to Zonk's song. Fat goblin guud...make swamp lizard full, so others get away."

We have four goblins:

Zayne Iwatani - as mighty Mogmurch goblin alchemist
Burn Teeth Biter - as sneaky fire/darkness cleric
Spark, goblin Bard
Zong -fat goblin rogue

Chief selects those four stuupid brave goblins, but he is keeping recruitment open till tomorrow evening at 7:00 pm. He will send a group of five.

If anyone else want to apply I'll make the last selection tomorrow at 7:00 pm.

Those selected I'll open the discussion thread in a few minutes. If you want to BS over there that's fine with me.

"Chief Gutwad not pleaz'd, not at all. Need more brave gobl'ns but tribe send me nut'in." He thumps his chest and scratches his arse. "Chief Gutwad sing you Boom, boom, kaboom song to inspire courage, or I come and burn your hut down."

Boom Boom Song
Boom, boom, kaboom,
That’s the sound of goblin might
Blast them! Splash them
make them go up like a light!
Fire be good, flame be better,
As we make them deader!
Let’s give them some doom.
Boom, boom, kaboom

Chief Gutwad scratch head "did not recognize goblin in disguise...look like yappy, tail chasin, flee flickin' mutt." Nods, "guud...fool chief...fool swamp lizard next."

Three brave volunteers.

Lick Toad tribe applicants, so far:

Zayne Iwatani - as mighty Mogmurch goblin alchemist
Burn Teeth Biter - as sneaky fire/darkness cleric

"Chief Gutwad the Mighty not so happy tribe not volunteering. He kicks a runt, and starts to chant the Toad Stool song,

♪♫ ♪Toad stools, gotta stomp ‘em
Smoosh ‘em, mix ‘em in all up
Whip ‘em, slather ‘em,
and put 'em in your cup
toad stools.♪♫ ♪

"Me give you mighty courage with toad stools."