Banshee Pizza Delivery Girl's page

{floats through front door, starts showing thread to a lovely young couple of ghosts looking for their first haunt with a two-kelpie garage and location not far from the schools }

I have a new favorite show.

What We Do In The Shadows.

It's in the style of The Office, but about vampires.

It is f!~*ing hilarious!

You've seen the original movie too, right?

{pours out fresh beans onto fresh plate, commences overthinking them}

{issues bean curdling scream, examines new bean curd} I'm kinda surprised that worked.

(What's the CR for a roving enema attachment?)

RENOWNED CLUB FOR ELITE HEARTBEAT-CHALLENGED COMMUNITY THROWING PUBLIC FREE BUFFET
"Eating contests, identify-the-meat sausages, blood pudding bake-offs! No one goes away hungry!" - A. Zombie, chairman

INTERVIEW: THIS OLD GINGERBREAD HOUSE HOST, BOBA YAGA DA VILA (BABY); in Lifestyles

"What's that over yonder Merle?"

"My stars! It's a Hellfiddler Swarm! RUN!"

Ah dun no witch Ah miss mahr, grilled hellfiddlers on skewers or hellfiddler & spicy Andorens sausage gumbo. Mmmm, softshell hellfiddlers are mighty tasty too, specially with Ol' Bey on 'em.

Edit: Damn. I just made myself hungry for crawfish and crab.

Orthos wrote:

I actually make a point of never SAYING "Good morning". Usually because it feels like a lie, because unless something is bizarrely out of norm, I don't consider the day good or bad yet if it's still technically morning. I'm not coherent enough to make that judgement.

"Good morning" is actually the act of wishing the listener a good morning, not claiming that the morning has already proven to be good. Just like with wishing a departing friend "Safe travels!", there's an implied "I hope you end up having".

How do you know someone isn't' instead wishing you a "Good mourning"?

THE GREAT PAPYRUS!!! wrote:

The Great Papyrus wrote:

I hate whichever of you invented your namesake font.

How would you lure Cows into a vent?

Doesn't Tammy need a spell that teleports cows into cramped spaces/objects/creatures and forces them to a'splode. (explosive bovination?)

I love some turtle time with my boy!

{attempts to picture zombie lord dressed in Halloween Gamera costume}

Hmmm, a haunted bed & breakfast with a romantic carriage ride pulled by ghostly horses?

"Ustalav Is for Ustalovers"

Banshee Pizza Delivery Girl wrote:

{futily attempts to steal GMS's beer with intangible hands} Ah, nuts. I blame Cosmo!

I Blame Cosmo for beer bottles not having the Ghost Touch special ability.

So, your life isn't challenging enough protecting your juicy succulent noggin {drools} from zombies, but now you want ghosts to be able to also steal your beer?! I blame Cosmo that you are making these decisions while suffering from sunstroke.

Isn't it veggies high and fruit low?

EEK! A ghost! {runs away}

I blame Cosmo for this horrifying cough that WILL NOT STOP!!!

I'm sure Cosmo will make certain it stops... I just hope you don't regret such an open-ended request.

{futily attempts to steal GMS's beer with intangible hands} Ah, nuts. I blame Cosmo!

Just heard of this today... Guillermo del Toro's and Chuck Hogan's vampire trilogy has been adapted into a 13-episode show. The Strain premieres July 13th @ 10PM Eastern on FX.

Aberzombie wrote:

Being certified in H.U.E.T. or Helicopter Underwater Escape Training is a requirement for working at offshore oil and gas facilities.

But why would you need to escape a Helicopter underwater? They can't chase you down there.

Oh, my sweet summer child... Zombie Special Forces train for all contingencies in preparation for the upcoming zombiepocalypse, er, Heatbeat-Challenged Pride Parade. Yeah, that's the ticket. So hurry out to your downtown main street and reserve a space to watch!

Soon.

The annoying parts of the US media coverage of the Olympics

That Bob Costas just had pinkeye, and wasn't Patient Zero for the Zombiepocalypse.

Oh and people have no sense of humor.

Most of them have their sense of humor removed as one of the necessary steps on the ascension to lichdom. They still have it, kept in a small canopic jar, often painted to look like a can of nuts.

The hydrochloric acid found in the human stomach is strong enough to dissolve a nail.

Ewww! I thought the heartbeat-challenged only ate brains.

This is hurting my thinky bits.

If your thinky bits hurt, you've likely already contracted the disease: even if you use brain condoms properly, they are not rated at 100% prevention.

Come down to the Public Mental Health Clinic; you should get tested to find out if you need a purge on your thinky bits -- y'know, just a little brain-washing. Set you right as rain in no time!

You're in luck, Mr./Mrs./Miss FitzSimon, the specialists at Aberzombie and Casper can sooth your achy thinky bits in no time. And no appointment {drools} necessary. Dr. Aberzombie has decades of experience; Dr. Casper was a Fulbright Scholar and graduated summa cum laude from Johns Hopkins... you'll be in the most capable and trusted hands imaginable.

A mind melt is nothing to dismiss! You start with a couple slices of sourdough or ciabatta bread: sliced on the thick side, lightly toasted, and buttered lightly. Grill up 3 or 4 slices of think applewood bacon until the fat is nice and tasty crispy. In that fresh bacon drippings/fat, grill up the brain, sliced deli thin, until the edges are just slightly browned and a little crispy, but tender and juicy in the middle. Finally, assemble it with the grilled brains on the bottom slice (so the bread soaks up the brain juices/au jus), then a nice slice or two of your favorite cheese (to melt on the brains), then the bacon, and finally the second piece of bread. Let it sit assembled on the grill for a minute or two, then flip over for another minute, until the cheese melts nicely into all the nooks and crannies and the buttered bread is nicely carmel brown. I like to top the bacon with a couple slices of heirloom tomato (and a pinch of salt) and some fresh arugula or baby spinach, but it's your call. Mmmmm, mmmm, that's damn good eating.

...Wait, did you say mind meld?! {sigh} Never mind.

A manifesto sounds like too muck work for slackers to have to put together. Can we just make a couple snarky memes and call it a day? C'mon man, it's almost 4:20.*

*: somewhere in the universe.

Aberzombie wrote:

Casper the Brain-Eating Ghost wrote:

Saint Caleth wrote:

Archaeologists found a 2600 year old brain inside a skull in England.

Mmmmmmmmmmm

Indeed. Sounds yummy.

The most delicious part being the unidentified high molecular weight hydrocarbon compound which most of the brain had turned into.

Zombies can run on oil? And yet they have zero emissions (most of the time, anyway), so they are acting as a carbon sink. Therefore, zombies are Green and thereby good for the environment.

D-List Slenderman

gran rey de los unchained melody is banned from reminding me of the awfulness of Ghost.

I wonder how minotaur brains taste...

And refreshing brains larger than 16 oz.

Spanky the Leprechaun wrote:

I'm never leaving my house again, man.

That's ok. We make house calls.

Heathy has a chimney, right? {continues dressing as Santa Claus}

BluePigeon wrote:

Is it acceptable to stab a zombie in the head with sharp scissors and if so is it fashionable.

Violence against the heartbeat challenged is never acceptable in my book. Stabbing anyone with scissors is a movie cliche that's best avoided.

"BluePigeon pulls a pair of scissors, you pull a corncob. He sends one of yours to the morgue, you turn one of his to infect the rest! That's the AberZombie way!" [/Sean AberConnery]

Ultravixen wrote:

zomb,

I'm writing a book about a good zombie, that just wants to be held. He ends up impregnating a human wench who he is in love with; the zomb's in my world are vegatarians, and they sparkle in the sunlight; they're pretty much just like people; good looking youthful brooding people that just happen to be dead.
There's also a weredikdik, who vies for the wench's affections, and I'm hoping to get Justin Bieber to play the part.

Thinking about calling it Zone as an homage to Rod Serling. You like? Any pointers?

Just sit tight for a bit. As I type, several members of the horde are on their way to you to serve as....consultants...yeah, that's it....consultants on this abomin.....I mean book, that you're working on.

When the doorbell rings, just open right up.

Well, if the zombie consultants don't get Ultravixen, the horde of Hollywood lawyers {shudder} definitely will for stealing their idea.

{helps Mammy put candles on Aberzombie's bacon-wrapped brain for his birthday}

zylphryx is banned for ruining my chance to ban DJED with a "you are the weakest Klink" reference!

SuperCthulhufragilisticexpiR'lyehdocious!
Um diddle diddle diddle um fhtagn ia ia!
Um diddle diddle diddle um fhtagn ia ia!

{whistles:}
"You can get any brains you want,
At Aberzombie's Restaurant.'

G~~~*#n UPS! Gimme my f$@*ing package you bastards!

Apparently that anti-capitalist goblin still continues to thwart your plans. It may be time to turn him to the undead side.

Congrats again, Tom Qadim! Good luck on Round 4, and beware the evil badger genius.

{fades in} Mmmm, sumpin shur smells gud, Mammeh. Yah stihl teh finest cook ihn dese hear parts.

{hand passes through food} Hay! Ah kaint even tuch da vittehs! Darnit!