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Regretfully, I think I will bow out of this one. I think I am just in too many games, just mental bandwidth issues.
I am not quite sure where to go or how to contribute to be honest.
I have no idea whats going on, I met the Ladies, and tried to make small talk. The Bloodrager says Putting in narrative paramaters! Yay, Asha is still someone with class levels! The Elfen Vampire works feverishly. She was not "narratively created", basically what happens is when an NPC, who changed species previously, and then accesses class levels well...
The blue eyes and the white writing disappear For f%!%ing real? Oh well, I guess I am going to rescue him from a lot of weird dangerous situations because I a picking up some serious damsel in distress vibes from him.
Absolutely the Aasimar Vampire interjects.
I am feeling objectified Alexandr murmurs
So Mr. Lovebomb-channelspam, I am Ishta, and no, I just wrote my own backstory!
Words come out very quickly out of the Elfen Vampires mouth.
Hi I am Asha, suddenly a mysterious stranger!
Kn Planes DC 20:
You are assessing her to be of above average strength and charisma compared to her peers, you think she is demon spawn, but probably from one of the more social demon types.
Before that idiot took over I was running He eyes suddenly turn blue with some white script on it as she stops. The half elfen Vampire looks into them Hmm She says Index array out of bounds, backstory module not found? Reverting to NPC class upon reset? F*&& hell no! She places both of her hands upon the paralyzed Thiefling Vampire Time for a Ok, I get access to her backstory, which is a blank page, I can keep access to it open for a bit but Its taxing me and I cant come up with a backstory for her, eh, someone help? Come up with a backstory, quickly! Or she becomes an NPC again!
The whole find the totally not a drug deal thing may still be up, how exactly does the lootbox thing work again btw?
I dont think my taking the spire is smart, only thing worse then being too weak is being too weaking and owning valuable real estate. Alexandr replies to Zaidel. Lets see if I can unweak myself though daily workouts:
Alexandr is slowly used as a wrecking ball to smash the stone that seperated him and his "new government" from the rest of the party. Uhm, OK, what the feck happene?
Turn 6:
Turn 7:
We really need some degree of increased crit generation. Oi, Alex, can I coup de grace you with this soft fluffy feather? The Thiefling Vampiress asks. Does that even work, when did you take a level in swashbuckler? And do I even have enough hitdice? And I dont think you generate grit from hitting allies Alexandr looks askance at the feather.
Its a bit hard to contribute for me :).
I am super dead if I get hit by any of that Alexandr thinks as he sees the carnage Yeap, and in a very non pleaseant way! Why is here a f#+*ing beholder anyway? Rounds 2-5 Just shoot at stuff thats not us, or that beholder? The Vampire musketeers stay in cover and take pot shots to reduce the number of mirror images. Turn 2
Turn 3
Turn 4
Turn 5
As Alexandr prepare to move in after mathew, he is held back by his vampire trio. Nope Mr. <50 hp you are no going there! You do know that both your touch AC and your reflex saves are rather meh? One of the Ladies asks What if we gaseous form him? Another offers I think its more pracitical to take pot shots at the sources of the laser beam, while using our succulent adamantine bloodbank as improvised cover. The third states Yeah, lets do that! The ladies agree, leaving Alexandr with surprisingly little choice.
Turn 10 Bloodbank, DROP The 3 Vampire Musketeer Ladys Unload into the green gnoll with a volley of Musket fire
Get back up Bloodbank, reading next Salvo! I never went down? Just f@&!ing annoy it Hehe, we are the 3 Vampire Musketeeresses and will assemble a high quality bloodbank selection of player characters! The assortment of undead feminity giggles, as the unlikely coalition repeats the process several times. Turn 11 Is anyone even tracking money or ammunition?
Not critting on 19s is sheer sadness
Turn 12 Is anyone even tracking money or ammunition?
Give us your crits instead of failing to confirm them bloodbank!
Girls, I may have found the thing! The red headed Thiefling Vampiress announce Uhm what?Alexanr answered, busy as he was with some interior redocration. Keep smashing also NOM The red heads bites into Ragnars neck and suddenly GM approval:
A musket materializes in her hands. Bwahahahah, I am a mysterious Stranger 1 now! Really convenient of Dex and CHA are you main stats! Come on girls, lets become the three Vampire Musketeereses! I always wanted to really go ham with the female french accent! And imagine not having to melee ugly things because we can shoot them at range! She enthusiastically adds. Musketeer is a really bad class though, I think we should dip one level in mysterious stranger, and the other in basically any type of appropriate swashbuckler. Do you think walking bloodbank has enough player character juice in him for that? The Elfen one adds, also taking a bite. Another musket appears. Perhaps I should take the swashbuckler dip first, so I can protect you two from melee attacks? At the rate you are draining him, walking bloodbank wont be much of a speedbump for determined attackers. The white haired Aasimar interjects. Do you want to melee the uglies? No? Then get your musket from the blood-PC-power bank The red haired one announces We absolutely need to make sure Blood-PC-Power bank does not fall into the wrong hands, maybe we should restrain him in a secluded location? The white haired one spoke Nah The blonde elfen vampire stated I just checked the debugg log of this Spaghetti code, if we want to keep leveling, by drinking from him, he has to get stronger, meaning he has to get experience.She finished
The bloodrager listens with a degree of concern to his cohorts cunning leveling plans.
F~!*, if I step into that I get murdered, drastically. But I think I got a semi cunning plan, and our guys are getting flanked, not good! Guys, I think the enemies is to tought for me, but the building probably isnt. Avoid the area left of the entrance! Alexandr enlarges, and tries to collapse the area to the west of the entry on the enemy big guys.
Trying to figure out how to contribute here, most things one shot me or close to it hmmm...
Pfff, leave renovations to the professionals Alexandr says as he headbuts the door. See Asha, I can use my head as a solution He remarks to one of his vampiric friends. Now go for the triple entendre and also have your head be a solution in the chemical sense
Are you trying to get me into using real world chemistry? My blood not enough of a drug? Honestly, synthesize some stuff and go nuts? Seriously, immunity to poisons, which we Vampires have, basically means no drugs or even booze works, but for some reason your blood can transfer at least booze! Do you have any idea how much I would like some weed? Bosche moi she is going to smoke me at some point?
Where the f~$@ did the Borg, Klingons or whatever come from? I kind of want one of these weird Batheth thingies for bragging rights.
Bloodragerbowl rules proposal:
Turning Alexandr into a Bloodragerbowlingball requires him to not be bloodraging, and then activate the bloodrage while he is being thrown. The total strength neccessary to do so is 25. If he is already enlarged, the total strength neccessary is 32. While in Bloodrager Bowling Ball mode, Alexandr has the trample universal monster rule. His "Slam damage" for that purpose his his unarmed strike damage. After the first round of Bloodrager Bowl mode, roll a d3, on a 2+ it continues. After the second round of Bloodrager Bowl mode, it coninues on a 3+ on a d3, it ends after this. DC 18 Reflex save for half
Bowling for Stromtroopers? Come one ladies throw me again! This is getting out of hand The Aasimar Vampires speaks up Yeah its more fun if you throw the Bloodrager Bowling Ball with your entire body! The Thiefling says as she and the Half Elf repeat by throwing Alexandr at them. At some point, the GM will demand a mechanical representation The Aasimar mentions I think he is save as long as he is stomping mooks with it. Like, they are literally Stormtroopers. Also, as a Vampiress I professionally hate Lasers and Lightsabres. The aasimar explains, looking at her midly bloody fingernails. Yeah, you get skin conditions from that. The Thiefling answers Isnt walking bloodbank in trouble because Adamantine is black and thus absorbs light? The Half elf interjects When did you get a degree in physics? The thiefling asks When I bit walking bloodbank, he is surprisingly intelligent.
So Ladies, lets increase the average quality of the sucking! Alexandr moves towards Mahtew, which may take him a while because only 30ish movement and being fatigued after his bowling fun.
BOINK BOINK BOINK Alexandr enjoys being a wrecking ball.
I AM FINE He answers Zaidel, laughing like a madman.
Alexandr starts searching, still chuckling.
Ok Ladies, Lets do the Bowling maneuver! Two of Alexandrs surprisingly strong Vampire lady friends grab him by the ellbow, and all 3 start running at a gaggle of resisting undead. To the enemies suprise, the throw Alexandr, who enlarges and curls up into a Plate armor wielding adamantine wrecking ball of destruction as he is being thrown.
I am the juggernaught throwing b%~&#! Announces the thiefling Vampiress as she giddily watches the destruction. Did Walking bloodbank of incredibly good taste not say he is patterned after heroes from his world called colossus and wolverine? Asks the Half Elfen one.
GM approval pending: Did walking Bloodbank evolve into rolling bloodbank? Mortals are weird. Adds the Aasimar Vampire. I think there is a feat chain for it? Greater overrun an Bullete charge style? The Half Elfen Vampiress says, looking at a pop up screen in front of her. Eh, he also needs to dip in siegebreaker fighter The Thiefling Vampiress speaks Ladies, since when can we metagame? The Aasimar asks. Since I, Ishta the incredible have claimed the power of metagame knowledge on behalf on NPCs! The Half Elf states striking a heroic pose I think it will be temporarily, we are, unusually enough, drunk and are thus able to perceive through the hidden veil, and glance at the rules of this cruel universe, where we but dance at the strings of hidden puppet masters, hiding behind impenetrable screens of colored light and glass. The Aasimar Vampiress states, depressedly
Lets see if I can use my nonexistent perform poetry skill offensively! With a sonorous voice, Alexandr intones
With swords a-swinging and spells a-flying
Dread feeling of impending "f!$@"
He starts Blooraging, hoping to inflict some juicy psychic damage on "Sir Sucks a lot but Badlies" loyalists.
Did he just nuke everything?
Vampire diplomacy is easy if your blood is a drug and you regenerate: So the boss is named Issel Van Gorbbin, and is daft enough to have both "Sir" and "His Majesty" as titles? I played enough crusader kings to know that this is not how it works. Alexandr asks, displaying a surprising degree of multitasking. Tell me about it, he actually disbanded the Vampire Maid unit, which we used to be, and hired like, goblins, halflings and an imp instead The thiefling answers, looking quizzically at the Aasimar Vampire who is currently semi grappling Alexandr. Let me guess, you were the Vampire Maid unit? Me and Ishta yes, princess over on your neck was the Vampire princess possible redeemable love interest or something THe thieflings answers merrily. Wait, so she has a clear claim on the throne so to speak? I do indeedThe Aasimar pauses between bites Hick She adds getting increasingly tipsy. Are you getting drunk of my blood? Nonsense I am completely sober! How could a noble Vampiress like me even get drunk! My blood is highly alcoholic, has a sizeable adamantine content, and I am a mutagen abuser? I shall grant some of it to my lesser assistants! Alexandr is surprised as she casually throws him and the two other vampiresses. And even more surprise as they managed to catch him. Good thing I didnt enlarge out of reflex Better thing you are out of your armor, NOM The thiefling takes a bite. Yeap, I am getting drunk, Alex, your the best mortal who walked in here since Ickface Mc Goreboner became king. She states So Alexandr thinks, Do I get the Ladies drunk enough to join us in overthrowing Ickface Mc Goreboner? I am sober enough to hear you The half elfs vampire speaks in his mind But I am probably ok with this, if it goes wrong, we want refuge whereever you come from. Reasonable, do yuo have any kind of visual or mode of transport to the audience hall? Maybe?
nat 20 galore hopefully continues: Yeah I can, can we talk telepathically? What is actually going on here because I dont know. The big boss of this area seems a bit weird?
The thiefling-vampire gives Alexandr a toothy smile, quickly bites his neck, Alexandr starts hearing... Power Metal? You do like music dont you? Alexandr He hears a considerably more confident voice in his head
The Aasimar vampire moves last, casting some spell like ability gracefully and...
Shit, I have only actually seen this once as a kid.
He dances, and actually pulls it off. Although he is temporarily confused, as the lithe vampires descends upon him after the lift, pulling him into a tight embrace, with the silky white robe she had put on while waiting wrapping around him.
fluid related business: I actually have some concerns about being a bloodrager and a testosterone addict and being a vampire, may end up getting too angry or something.
fluid related business: Istha The Big man says
event: Did I actually get some form of verbal or telepathic communication going?
Event: Hej boss, just engaging in some diplomacy. Did you know my blood can turn vampires tipsy and relaxed? Please dont attack them, they are faily friendly. Can I offer you a drink? He mixes Matthew a Valiant defender A strong drink only applicable for the strongest of people. An intricate mix of Vodka, Tekila and Absinth puts a challenge to even the toughest, but the taste is incredibly, as the various tonics, with a bit of worchestersauce combine into an incredibly aroma. So ladies, we all agree that the current boss of the place is like, a suboptimal leadership choice who cant even suck properly? He asks the ladies.
OOC commentary: Guys I am totally fine. There are people who would pay good money to be in my position. Just conducting diplomacy.
Good thing I have innate regeneration now!
The event is very fun, I have discoved my true profession.
event: Feeling inspired Alexandr uses the newly discovered bar to make some cocktails. Themed after his hostesses. Cocktail number 1: Eyes in the night
Cocktail number 2: Heavenly grace
Cocktail number 3: Autumn forest
For himself: Ghost in the shell
He is presumably getting disrobed as he makes them (takes them 5 minutes), trying to teach them the cocktail names in English, being quite enthusiastic and adorable as he does so.
event:
Oh, Vampires! I think they are vampires, this is undead central so what else should they be, right? I have a cunning plan!
Alexandr smiles at the Ladies, and spots 4 conveniently placed wine glasses, he slowly walks over there, and cuts his wrist, letting his blood pour into one of the 3 glasses, using some surprisingly professional looking bartending motions.
Alex event: They seem nice? But also completely unafraid of a heavily armored man? And they dont seem to mind me being heavily armored? Hmmm Alexandr removes his helmet and one of his gauntless, fixing both to hooks on his armor.
Hello Istha He repeats in english.
event: Alexandr points at himself and says Alexandr he points at the 3 ladies, clearly asking for their names.
event:
event: Sdrastvuite? He offers?
Can you hear thoughts? He thinks strongly at the one speaking.
Alexandrs event: Guess a protagnoist may be saved be the fact that getting out of plate armor takes 10 minutes and is highly impractical in a warzone. I am going to roleplay his wis of 10.
Alexandrs event: Alexandrs adamantine skin takes on a slightly reddish hue as he sees the display. He retraces his steps (stealthily) and says loudly:
He then approaches, not hiding his presence shield and fist out, his armor actually shining somewhat.
Alex Event: Hearing moaning, probably Zombies. Well, time to kick some doors in Consuming his STR mutagen, Alexandr opens the door. For a joke, he tries to be stealthy. Moving through the house looking for threats or rescuees. And actually is fairly stealthy. Surprising him as well as possible enemies.
Lets see if that Bowling for Bloodragers coupon works
I am half betting that some Vampire Maid will throw me through a wall at some point Alexandr says with a sudden sense of foreboding.
Alexandr pops some mutagen, making him even stronger and tougher, and turns on Adamantine skin.
Hmm, do undead defecate? If yes? Is there a business opportunity to be had by cleverly selling diapers before we show up? What if we could establish it as a bluff that we are just a group of travelin diaper salespersons for undead, because the Mistress Familias is coming?
I am Alexandr, also known as Wolverossus? Collusserine? Nah, need to come up with my own X-Men name at some point. I mostly take hits so you guys dont have to. The burly man seems to have doubled up on armor, his wearing plate armor and apparently having adamantine skin.
Lets follow the Satyr guy for now. No idea if we can or should follow Mrs. Thornrose.
Thank you very much, I am a bit dazzled about this strange world still. Alexnadr nabs a rugged-looking backpack (2gp), a small tent (10gp), ten days worth of trail rations (5gp), flint and steel (1 gp), and a bedroll (1sp) and blanket (5 sp), for a total of 18 gold, 6 silver. Just as Stratton. Note to self, I owe Mia 18 gold, 6 silver, I probably get money by killing things and selling body parts or something What the f*$*? The burly Russian says as the portal things happen. |