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A tall, if somewhat well built, white robbed figure enters the room. The cowl of his robes are up He holds a very fine looking staff in one hand. The hand looks pale but his eyes seem to shine in the darkness of the cowl.
He speaks in a heavily Ustalavian accent. Greetings my name is Niccolo of House Neska from Ustalav. I am happy to make your acquittance. His voice is smooth.
Absalom, the heart of Kortos. The Pathfinder Society's Grand Lodge sits here, serving as a home base to new, active, and retired adventurers. Dandle Dreng didn't have much time to talk, and simply handed you a letter before telling you to head to the Puddles district.
Long ago an earthquake shook up Absalom. One neighborhood never fully recovered, and earned the nickname "Puddles" as water from the coast always found its way where it wasn't wanted. Property values sank alongside the buildings, and the only people who live there are too poor or don't want to be found.
You meet in a tavern, Gobbling Guts, featuring a picture of a goblin who clearly has had too much to eat. Each of you received a missive and some provisions from a Venture-Captain.
Greetings fellow seekers of knowledge!
The Society has been presented with a unique opportunity and I think you’re just the ones to help out. As you have likely heard, Absalom has recently become the home of a group of goblin refugees displaced by the Whispering Tyrant’s armies. They have settled in the Puddles, quite content to live in some of the abandoned buildings there.
We’ve also learned from Ziraya al-Shurati, a Muckrucker in the Puddles, that the goblins have been digging around in the basement of the old playhouse that belonged to the Greater Absalom Performing Arts Guild. They’ve claimed this building as their own. In the process, they stumbled across some manner of beast they could not defeat but instead managed to seal away. With the local guards, the Muckruckers, unwilling to help, we have a perfect opportunity to step in and learn something new about the history of Absalom.
Several of our more experienced goblin Pathfinders have been working hard to build inroads into the goblin community, and this has led to an offer by “king” Zusgut to hear our plea. Your job is to meet Zusgut, explain that we wish his permission to explore beneath his playhouse, and then perform an initial exploration and assessment. You’ll likely not have much time for exploration given the tides probably flood the chambers below each day, but do your best!
Sincerely,
Drandle Dreng
P.S. I almost forgot! Eando Kline of the Vigilant Seal is watching this mission closely. He’s worried about ancient evils being released into the world by Pathfinders and what that will do to the public’s impression of us. While I know such things can’t always be avoided, it would be best if you either destroyed anything dangerous that you find down there or if you must bring it back to the Lodge, be very discreet!
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A small fungal leshy walks into the tavern, wearing what seems to be the head of the decapitated stuffed bear they hold in their arms.
"A real playhouse!! We've never been in one before, it's so exciting. And somewhere with actual moisture, too. Last time it was so dry, there were barely any plants, dead or alive. Ooh, I wonder if there's gonna be algae?"
The bear head does not move or open its sown-on mouth as the leshy talks. They sit down, putting the stuffed bear against the chair.
"I wonder if King Zusgut likes puppets?"
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A rather emaciated and elderly goblin woman enters the tavern followed by a slightly concerning-looking wolf wearing a riding saddle and thick leather 'armour' over its vitals. She wanders straight over to the headless teddybear "Ogh the children would love this" - she speaks with surprising gentleness and warmth, like an elderly kindergarten teacher about to read a bedtime story.
"I am Granny" she offers to no one in particular, broadly addressing the room, "and this is Hungry, he's a friendly wolf, you can pat him, go ahead"
"Goblins they say? Oh I can't wait to meet them, and at the base of an old playhouse too. King Zusgut will help us, everyone listens to Granny"
"Did you say Ustalav Niccolo? Such an interesting place, the children always loved the Ustalavian stories before bed, you should have seen their terrified little faces - they loved it"
Granny places a roll of knitting needles on the table as she unpacks a few items, one of which being a bowl which she fills with water for Hungry.
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A tall man pushes the swinging doors of the saloon aside and strides in, looking around until he sees a group he figures can only be other Pathfinders in a joint like this. He wears a breastplate with a steel shield slung on his back, carrying a longsword, shortsword, and a spear. He wears a broad brim hat popular in Andoran.
"Is this the Pathfinder's get-together?" he asks with a distinct Andoran drawl. Ah'm Clebsch Gordan, Pathfinder, assigned ta explore an ol' theATer 'roun' here. Am Ah in the righ' place?
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A rather emaciated and elderly goblin woman enters the tavern followed by a slightly concerning-looking wolf wearing a riding saddle and thick leather 'armour' over its vitals. She wanders straight over to the headless teddybear "Ogh the children would love this" - she speaks with surprising gentleness and warmth, like an elderly kindergarten teacher about to read a bedtime story.
Despite lacking any facial expression, the fungus beams, and gives Hungry a few pets.
"Is this the Pathfinder's get-together?" he asks with a distinct Andoran drawl. Ah'm Clebsch Gordan, Pathfinder, assigned ta explore an ol' theATer 'roun' here. Am Ah in the righ' place?
"Hey we know you!!" The fungus hops up on their chair to get a better look at the tall fighter. "You were with the rest of the Pathfinders who found us and dealt with that weird abyss thing!"
"Oh, right, introductions. We're Subject vee-one-one-five-dot-oh-four; I'm Amanita and I'm Barry." They gesture to themselves and to the bear, respectively, seemingly using the first person for both.
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A young half-orc looks over the note as he acknowledges the other Pathfinders.
In addition to his wayfinder, he wears the symbol of Erastil and carries a longbow and a set of medical tools. "I'm Josef," he says, "a healer."
Josef looks Granny over curiously and raises an eyebrow. "I think we're supposed to be helping him."
You finish greeting each other. As Clebsch talks about a king, you notice the innkeeper wadling towards you. Gobbling Guts seems to make sense- this goblin has clearly eaten well.
"You need to see the king? Come, I'll take you to his castle! Come on! Come on!" He peers at Josef's wayfinder before giving you To Go bags for your food.
As you make your way to Zusgut's theater, the sun emerges from the clouds, providing you with some warm sunlight. How will you reveal your case to King Zusgut?
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As they walk, Clebsch asks the bartender what he knows about some kind of discovery under the old theater. After that he asks about recent events in the Puddles district.
Clebsch is not clever at things like diplomacy so he is content to let more charismatic types take the lead. Seems our instructions are to offer Pathfinder aid in dealing with a threat. We could make a case that having Pathfinders as allies could mean other benefits besides help with threats.
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Amanita spends the walk asking a series of rapid-fire questions about the Puddles, occasionally stopping to gather a bit of moss for food.
"We'd want to show deference to him, definitely. Maybe focus on offering a solution to the beast without putting more of his subjects at risk? We're gonna need to ask for permission for more exploring besides the beast itself, but I think we shouldn't focus on that."
"...we are gonna be in a theatre, maybe doing it as a performance? I have puppets, does he like puppets?" They open their bag, revealing a myriad of puppets ranging from simple socks with eyes to detailed marionettes.
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"Everyone likes puppets," says Josef. "Dreng's note put 'king' in quote marks. It sounds like he doesn't take the title seriously, but Zusgut probably does. Or would find it funny if we act like we do. If his people live in a theatre, there probably aren't enough of them to really call him a king, but he's still the leader."
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"Everyone likes puppets," says Josef.
"You'd think! A lot of people find them creepy, though. I've never understood why."
"Dreng's note put 'king' in quote marks. It sounds like he doesn't take the title seriously, but Zusgut probably does. Or would find it funny if we act like we do. If his people live in a theatre, there probably aren't enough of them to really call him a king, but he's still the leader."
"Yeah, I noticed that. At the very least, I doubt it'll hurt, as long as we can come across as sincere."
Josef knows the Crookedtoes goblins are led by Zusgut, who is obsessed with performance and acting. His tribe has taken over an old playhouse in the Puddles district that no one else wants because the Puddles are slowly sinking.
Clebsch and Josef know there are certainly ancient structures below what is now called the Puddles. In the past, such places have been troubled by corporeal undead such as ghouls, ghasts, skeletons, and zombies. Older residents of the area tell stories of screams that would occasionally seem to emanate from somewhere deep beneath the streets.
Flickering torches fail to fully illuminate this large auditorium within the mostly-ruined playhouse. Hints of the former beauty and majesty of the building are marred by the smell of mildew and ever-present water puddles. The northern end of the space is occupied by a raised stage, with a large chair that must have once been used as a throne in a theatrical production long ago.
Goblins move throughout the room, some gathered in small clusters roasting food over open fires, others sleeping in what remains of the auditorium’s chairs. On the crumbling balcony, a goblin choir rehearses, each member singing a different song, or perhaps the same song with different words, lyrics, and tempo. Goblin children chase each other about, their leashes dangling from their necks as they screech and shout. Occasionally a leash catches on a bit of furniture or rubble, bringing the wearer crashing to the ground while their companions laugh uproariously.
From atop the throne a voice rings out, cutting across the chaos, clear and annunciated, although obviously still a goblin’s. “Oho, what’s this! Another group looking to throw their hats into the ring, as it were? Probably the Pathfinders I was expecting.” There is an angry yell from a group of humans wearing armor and bearing sheathed weapons dimly visible near the stage. The goblin turns and addresses the interruption from the grousing warriors. “Now, now. I never said anything about exclusive rights, did I? Hah!“
“So, Pathfinders. I’m sure you’ve heard about our trouble with a creature in the basement. What is it your organization is willing to do for my kingdom, and why should I let you go instead of these fine folks?” he asks, gesturing to the warriors.
The armored humans grumble amongst themselves. As an elderly female goblin arrives from around the chair. "Announcing his royal majesty! >King Zusgut!<" Her voice booms through the theater. "And his loyal advisor, Velkik." She bows as you notice the holy symbol of Sarenrae etched into her bracelets.
King Zusgut seems to already chosen the Pathfinders. Don't screw it up!
He's very eager for you to play along with the negotiations. Give him a good show!
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"We got this," says Taigan in a whisper (not a stage whisper). "He likes us. But, uh, someone speak before me."
He bows formally to King Zusgut, and taps into his connection to the Plane of Air, creating a slight spiral of breeze about him, as he spreads his arms and hands to the level of his waist--in what he hopes is a non-threatening maneuver. The only goblin I know was that weird white-furred guy, he thinks. Don't they like fire? Seems kinda damp here.
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Diplomacy
(In Goblin) "Because the Pathfinders have the best stories, or Chronicles as they call them" Granny pushes forward.
(In common) "And one who seeks to be a King is well served by ensuring their great deeds are captured in story and song, and the Pathfinders have the best musicians, bards, storytellers - and chroniclers. You help us by allowing us to investigate your kingdom, we help you by ensuring the majesty of it - and your benevolent rulership - is recognised not only here but across Golindom, like those from my wonderful home - the Peoples Democratic Republic of Thistletop"
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"That would be Reporting and Cooperating, two elements of our motto," Josef adds, "The third is Exploring. We hear you have a monster problem, and we're interested in what that means about what's below this building and what it connects to. We'd like to explore the area, which means we'll not only deal with your beast, but also clear it of any other dangers you don't know about yet. Maybe there's nothing else dangerous down there, but maybe there is. Let us make sure for you. The chance to explore is all we ask, so our interests are well aligned. And the Pathfinder Society has often made good allies for growing communities."
Velkik looks amongst the groups before turning to King Zusgut. "My King. We have heard from this group already. Perhaps you wish to listen to the Pathfinder Petition?"
"Yes, yes, of course." Zusgut slouches in his chair, overexaggerating boredom. "Now then. Explain to me why you should gain access to the playhouse before this group. You say you want to clear monsters?" He gestures to the armored sorts, who give you a simple glare before keeping to themselves. "They say they will clear monsters faster!"
He smiles at Granny Deadybones. "Yes, my kingdom will be vast. But that means I am very busy! I do have a few moments to spare, so please, speak more!"
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Taigan steps forward uncertainly, and clears his throat. He increases the spinning of his element around him, causing motes of dust and scraps of paper and fabric to whirl about him. "A poem," he says, "From the steppes, where I was born."
"In summer flowers cover the grasslands,
and home thoughts are deep in my heart.
But I have a mission to fulfill for my Khan
and our people. May the Sky God protect our tribe,
as he protects the flowers blooming with life.
When snows come and cover the grasslands
like a shroud, the flowers die, as they are
born to. I will kneel in prayer for my Khan
and for our people. My journey completed,
my soul at peace, I will lie beneath the grass.
And above me, new flowers will sway in the grasslands."
He very carefully does not mention that the Tien-La ride many horses.
Several of the young goblins arrive behind Taigan to hoot as he recites the poem.
"Sky God! Protect our tribe from horses!"
"Flowers are nice! Maybe the dogs killed them!"
"Lying in the grass is nice, horses won't bother me after that!"
They may not understand the deeper themes, but at least they are trying. King Zusgut remains motionless, but he may be pretending to be impartial.
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Clebsch clears his throat, takes off his hat, and ambles forward, giving the king a bow, saying, "I'm pleased to meet ya, King Zusgut. I'm Clebsch Gordan. I'd like to make a donation ta help renovate this lovely theATer." He hands two gold pieces to Velkik. "By the by, I'm pretty good with animals, 'specially horses. I know ya don' like 'em, and if ya have any problems with any horses or other animals, I'll take care uv em fer ya. An' if'n ya got any critters what need trainin', I can stay on and help ya do that." He puts his hat back on and steps back.
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Performance
"Now children, gather round whilst Granny tells you a story, it is a cautionary tale about a two kings, one is smart and makes friends with a well-known exploration group who end up helping him protect his kingdom and he rules a long time, and his stupid neighbour who doesn't let the exploration group in and gets killed by a pack of angry horses that were haunting his basement...gather round, gather round"
Granny then embarks on a tale for the kids that is a thinly-veiled commentary on why it is better to cooperate with Pathfinders, but full of enough gore and horribleness that sensible parents would never expose their children to, but goblin-weens adore.
Goblin children crowd Granny and Amanita as they enact a gory tale as the horses devour the stupid king.
The adult goblins in the room lose interest as they don't see flames. Some of them turn to Niccolo, wondering what he will do.
Josef's words are drowned out by the crowds of goblins watching Barry's flaming hands.
The goblin leader sits thinking for a while, then springs to his feet and points a finger high in the sky. “I know!” he says. “We should have a contest to see who goes! You can read lines from my play.” The surrounding goblins cheer. He squints at the mercenaries. “Since you got here first, you can go first! Show starts in two minutes!” At this news, another cheer goes up from the Crookedtoes goblins and they begin to crowd toward the stage.
"What? The boss didn't pay us to... fine!" The leader grunts and turns to her grunts. "You heard 'im. Backstage! It's our heads if we fail!" The warriors march back stage, stowing their weapons and tools along the way.
King Zusgut laughs at the buffonery before snapping his fingers. 8 goblins run in, pick up his chair and slowly rotate it towards the stage. Velkik suddenly hops up to you and pulls a scroll from her sleeve. "We Be Heroes: The Play. Named after a legendary squad of goblins who performed great deeds. You are a bit... large, but please do you best to satisfy the King."
Rise of the Goblin Heroes, a True and Accurate Account by Zusgut, King of the Goblins in Absalom
Act V, Scene 1
Enter ZUSGUT, CRIMSI, GRENEK, SIATHORN, MITZI (a wolf, not a dog), PIZAZZ, and ULTHUN (a human).
ZUSGUT (from atop his throne): I see the great heroes have returned! But who is this with you?Speak, brave knight.
ULTHUN: Oh mighty chief of the goblins, whose wit and skill are unsurpassed, I am called Ulthun, Watcher-Lord of Lastwall. Alas, that land has been overrun by undead and is no more!
GRENEK (hops forward): Is true. Undead everywhere.
SIATHORN: But we helped them escape! The longshanks. Not the undead.
MITZI: Woof!
CRIMSI: I helped collapsed the tunnel behind us. It was great!
PIZAZZ (huffily): I found people who appreciate my singing. Here, let me show you. (clears throat)
GRENEK: Quiet! Chief’s speaking!
(PIZAZZ grumbles.)
ULTHUN (to ZUSGUT): Please, my lord, we beseech you and ask the help of your mighty tribe. We are but mere humans and lack the cleverness and skill needed to escape the clutches of the undead. Will you aid us?
ZUSGUT: Of course, of course! Crookedtoes, my people, harken to me! Now is the time foretold, the time when the longshanks would come before us in desperate need.
GRENEK: We help too! We know how to fight undead longshanks!
SIATHORN: Yes, Mitzi will tear them apart with wolfish fierceness!
MITZI: Bark!
PIZAZZ: And I will compose a war song to lift our hearts.
(ALL except PIZAZZ groan.)
CRIMSI: No, no, no. We need my catapult!
ZUSGUT: I think we need to hurry; no time for catapults or songs. Prepare for the journey south and into our destiny! Now, WE be heroes!
ALL GOBLINS (cheering together): We be heroes! We be heroes! We be heroes!
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The goblin stagehands return with a chest full of scraps, coats, and furs to use as costume pieces.
As you decide who gets to go first, the mercenaries finish their preparations and get on stage. It's clear most of them are not actors. They stand awkwardly, read stage instructions out loud, turn and spin in place before running to the next spot on stage. The leader, a brawny blackhaired woman, resorts to yelling at them to stay in character.
"Booo! You suck!" One goblin lights a tomato on fire and hurls it at the mercenaries. Soon the crowd joins in and hurls rotten fruit and wood planks.