You are the heroes of the Licktoad Tribe, living legends after you triumphed against the terrible goblin cannibal Vorka and recovered many fireworks from her lair. Your tribe used the fireworks to great effect, but one day while you were out scrounging for more fireworks, adventurers came into the swamp and wiped out your tribe. You returned to your home to find it in ruins.
Now homeless, you have decided to travel to the closest tribe of goblins you know about, the Birdcrunchers. Maybe they’ll have room for you to join! Only, now that you’ve arrived in Birdcruncher territory, something seems wrong. The Birdcrunchers appear unusually nervous and frightened, cowering around the entrance to their cave. They aren’t even trying to defend their territory. And now, a wrinkled old goblin with bulging eyes is waddling out of the crowd, approaching you. She’s obviously some sort of shaman, maybe even the chieftain. If anyone here knows whether or not you can join the tribe, it’d likely be her!
The elderly goblin hobbles towards you, hunched over and leaning on a gnarled wooden staff decorated with puppy tails and horse ears. Her ratty doghide gown is cinched with a rope belt from which hang dog’s paws, a pair of horseshoes, a fearsomely large dead stirge, along with the pickled and shrunken head of a bright blue mite. She regards you all with an appraising stare...
“Well, well! What have we here? Licktoads, by the look of you, and from what I hear, orphans as well, hmm? Looking for a new place to live, I suspect? Well, you might be in luck, because we need new blood. Our own chieftains have been... lacking... in chieftainish ways. We’ve been having problems lately with an ogre and his fire-breathing boars, you see, and any goblins capable of killing the boars and driving off the ogre... or driving off the boars and killing the ogre... or... or whatever—well, they’ll not only be welcomed into Birdcruncher territory with open arms. They’ll be made chieftains, one and all!”
With that, the gathered Birdcruncher goblins suddenly animate into cheers and song. Eager and excited, they surge out of the cave to welcome their saviors, but suddenly freeze as the old woman shrieks out a command for silence. The goblins freeze in place, and she continues in a softer voice. “But we can’t just assume you’re the stuff chieftains are made of. You might just be lucky. No, no... before we accept you as our saviors and before you’ll even have a chance to face off against Pa Munchmeat and his pig... I declare we have a Chieftain Moot!”
The gathered goblins erupt into cheers again, and you all know why. A Chieftain Moot is a day-long festival of games and dares, a tradition among the local tribes when the need to select a new chief arises. Those goblins who want to be considered for the role must endure a number of trials during the moot, and if they survive and win, they earn the respect and support of the rest of the tribe.
With that the wizened old goblin lady barks out a few orders, and the Birdcrunchers scurry off to start organizing the moot. She then turns her attention back to you newcomers "I'm Mummy, at least that's what they call me these days, Wise Mummy Sprattleharsh, and it looks like your going to have a busy day tomorrow, so best come inside and warm your feet by the fire...", she turns leaning heavily on her staff and heads back towards to cave.
"Hello, Mummy. I am Poog! Zarongel will show me way to be next chieftain. Will you tell us about trials?"
Pondering the state of things Mogmurch turns to the familiar:
"Can we blow it up?"
And begins preparing one of his bombs.
"I am Reta Bigbad. So, after the Chieftain Moot, if we fight and defeat the ogre Pa Munchmeat and his fire-breathing boars we'll be chieftains, yes?"
Wise Mummy Sprattleharsh give the assembled goblin heroes a mischievous grin. "I could tell you about the trials, but where would be the fun in that! All I can say is that bird crunching will definitely be involved. Whoever does the best job at the trials… and survives, will be crowned chief, they can also nominate sub-chiefs. The chiefs first duty will be to deal with Pa Munchmeat and his monstrous pig."
"As for blowing things up, absolutely, I'm fairly confident that the big mean ogre is flammable!"
"Hey, Birdcrunchers, you know about Zarongel? Future chief Poog will tell you all about how he kills dogs. So many dogs. And also pigs and ogres sometimes, but mostly dogs."
The Birdcrunchers spend the rest of the day busying themselves with preparations for the upcoming Chieftain Moot. A number of the younger goblins are very impressed by Poog with his stories of Zarongel and the Barghest Hero-God's efforts in dealing with the canine scourge.
During the day our heroes also have an opportunity to chat with some of the Birdcrunchers found around the cave. While none of them are forthcoming with any details of the trials ahead, they are happy to talk about other things, including Wise Mummy Sprattleharsh. It would seem she is a figure of both terror and love for the Birdcrunchers. They whisper that she made one warrior who offended her vomit up a handful of spiny toads, and once set fire to a chief who interrupted her. One story they tell even relates how she made a goblin who tried to curse the tribe write down the word “breathe”, after which he promptly forgot how to breathe and died on the spot. The Birdcrunchers happily confirm how wonderful the old goblin is, and also how any new ruler would be wise to listen to her, or else!
In addition to talk of Mummy Sprattleharsh's exploits, another detail which becomes clear during the day is that, while the trials of the Chieftain Moot are open to any member of the tribe, no one else seems all that keen to throw their hat into the ring to be chief for some reason...
As evening draws in the goblins of the Birdcruncher tribe all return to the big cave, where a huge celebratory feast is held around the central bonfire. The feast consists almost entirely of various bird dishes - seagull soup, charred grackle, raven’s eye pudding, vulture-ups, spicy sparrow poppers, and squeaky beakies are just a portion of the often-challenging dishes presented during the night. This feast also gives a chance to talk further to the Birdcrunchers and learn a bit more about what’s going on in the region.
As darkness falls, Wise Mummy brings out the fabled Crunchy Crown of the Birdcruncher Tribe, a crown made out of bird skulls and bones and wings and twigs .
She places the Crunchy Crown near the bonfire, then proclaims "Tomorrow, the Birdcrunchers will have a new chief, and this one will be able to kick that ugly Munchmeat ogre out of Ravenroost. Furthermore, whoever can prove her worth tomorrow at the moot will be granted the right not only to wear the Crunchy Crown, but also the right to loot the Chieftain’s treasure chest!". At this, the Birdcrunchers oooh and ahhh appropriately.
Mogmurch will inquire with Mummy Sprattleharsh and the other goblins about the number of goblins who have been sent to kill the ogre, is there one or more than one "fire-breathing hog", and how long ago the last mission to kill the ogre was sent.
The feast provides a great opportunity for Mogmurch to speak with the other goblins in the tribe. While they all seem very keen to impress the newcomers, they are strangely reticent to discuss previous attempts to deal with the ogre. Every time the subject is brought up the goblin in question is quick to try and change the subject, or suddenly notices something they need to deal with and wanders off.
Luckily a combination of Mogmurch's diplomatic skills and the excitement of the night eventually convinces one young goblin with a half chewed off ear to be a little more forthcoming... "Well first there was Chief Gnawsparrow... He was a great chief. As soon as the ogre's pig started attacking our hunters he went straight over to Munchmeat's cottage to demand that he leave and give us compensation... But he didn't come back. Next there was Chief Gnawsparrow's daughter Chief Crunchsnood, she headed over the the ogre's farm, vowing to rescue her father and give Munchmeat and his daughter a good kicking... But then she didn't come back either. Next was Chief Featherlips, Chief Crunchsnood's cousin. He was not such a good chief. Mummy Sprattleharsh told him he had to be chief and we threatened to eat him if he didn't go to get revenge on the ogre and rescue the other chiefs... I don't think he wanted to go, he was all shaking and crying when he left and no one has seen him since. That was a few weeks ago..."
As he finishes one of the older goblin overhears the conversation and promptly gives his younger compatriot a heavy slap around the back of the head. "Sssh Griznak Sparrowbane... do you want to be the one blamed for scaring off our new chiefs...? If they leave we'll be doomed!" Realising that he just said that last bit out loud, he lets out a little "eeep..." and covers his mouth before running off looking extremely embarrassed.
The goblins are less secretive when it comes to details of the fire breathing boar, although some make rather wild claims about its appearance and capabilities. They confirm that only one such creature has ever been seen at any given time, although there is debate about whether it is always the same creature or if old Pa Munchmeat is breading a small army of the beastly, beady eyed monstrosities.
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The following morning the goblins in the cave wake bleary eyed, a number of them having clearly over indulged during the previous nights festivities. Despite this all are clearly eager and excited to begin the Chieftain moot. Our heroes are lead to a valley to the south of the Birdcrunchers' cave, where they see Wise Mummy Sprattleharsh waiting, while other Birdcrunchers have clambered into trees or sit on rocks. "Welcome to the Chieftain Moot." say the old Spook-Speaker to the assembled goblins "We have four 'Chieftains-in-waiting' competing for the Crunchy Crown, Reta, Chuffy, Poog and Mogmurch. The rules are simple. The Chieftains-in-waiting will compete in three dares and the whoever earns the most points during the day and survives will be crowned Chief."
"The first dare will be the 'Blind Bird Shoot'." she says, waving her arm in the direction of a collection of cages containing seagulls located at points along the valley's floor. The assembled goblins let out a cheer. "The Chieftains-in-waiting will be blindfolded, and given a bow plus three arrows each. I will then release the cages of seagulls one at a time and the Chieftains-in-waiting will earn points by shooting down as many seagulls as they can. There are three cages of seagulls, the first cage will be the closest with each gull worth 2 points, the second cage is further away and each gull will be worth 4 point, while the last cage will be further away still with each gull worth 6 points."
With that the prospective chiefs are, as promised, blindfolded handed a bow and arrows and then all marched into the center of the valley to start the trail. After a few moments of silence, punctuated by the occasional overexcited goblin yelp, there is a loud clang, followed by a thud as Wise Mummy Sprattleharsh dives to the ground after opening the cage. "First flock up." she cries, accompanied by the panicked flapping of nearby gull wings...
"Is that all? Bah, little Goblin's play!"
Reta confidently nocks an arrow and waits.
When the first flock is released, she listens intensely for a second and then lets the arrow fly.
Poog assumes that getting a little help from Zarongel isn't really cheating and casts guidance.
"We supposed to shoot each other, right?"
With that the wizened old goblin lady barks out a few orders, and the Birdcrunchers scurry off to start organizing the moot. She then turns her attention back to you newcomers "I'm Mummy, at least that's what they call me these days, Wise Mummy Sprattleharsh, and it looks like your going to have a busy day tomorrow, so best come inside and warm your feet by the fire...", she turns leaning heavily on her staff and heads back towards to cave.
"Ello. Me name is Chuffy Lickwound", the goblin rogue sneers. "Tanks for da fire."
⋆⋆⋆⋆⋆Fluffy's a pro, the goblin rogue thinks to himself. I gotta concentrait...
"I think a bomb would be better - bird already roasted!"
As the initial flock of terrified birds takes flight Reta is the first to pinpoint them and lets fly with an accurate shot which grazes the tail feathers of one gull but fails to make the telling contact needed to bring it down. The arrow continues its flight, arcing towards a small group of goblin in the crowd who shriek in terror and immediately scatter.
Mogmurch is next to react, successfully locating the flock, before loosing a wild shot directly at another group of nearby spectators who thankfully manage to dive out of the way just in time.
Next to locate the gulls is Poog, who's similarly inaccurate shot does somehow manage hit a target. Although not necessarily the intended one, as the arrow once again heads in the direction of the assembled Birdcruchers, hitting a goblin who was too busy picking her nose to notice the incoming arrow, resulting in a pained yelp followed by lots of laughter from the rest of the tribe.
Cuffy is the last to get a bead on the fleeing birds . Despite only just locating them, his shot is accurate. There is a loud squark form the doomed gull, followed by a soft thud as it hits the ground below.
"That's two point to Cuffy for killing a gull and one point to Poog for reminding Wrenchewer that she should be paying more attention..." announces Wise Mummy Sprattleharsh.
After a brief pause there is the sound of another cage being opened. "Flock two is up..." shouts the Spook-Speaker.
-------
"D*mmit! I was so sure I'll hit one!"
Reta lets another arrow fly.
Mad at missing a gull, and even more mad not getting a point for hitting a Birdcruncher, Mogmurch gives it his all!
Poog decides to let Zarongel help with the shooting this time.
Again, Chuffy concentrates on the task at hand.
The second flock of gulls makes its break for freedom and all four goblin heroes manage to successfully identify their location.
Reta is once again first off the block, but in her haste fires wide, narrowly missing another group of goblin spectators who by now are extremely wary of stray arrows and are quick to get out of the way.
Mogmurch is next, but his unfamiliarity with the bow gets the better of him, releasing the shot before he'd even had a chance to aim. The stray arrow makes an unexpected beeline towards a nearby group of goblins, catching them totally by surprise and going clean through one poor creatures hand! The unfortunate goblin lets out a plaintive whimper, however the rest of the tribe find the whole thing hilarious.
Looking to replicate his success from the previous round Chuffy also unleashes his arrow towards the fleeing flock of birds. However this time his aim is not as accurate and he merely manages to scatter another group of watching Birdcruchers, who scream in panic as they dive out of the way.
Poog launches his arrow last. His shot not only misses all of the birds, but also fails to trouble any groups of spectators, leading to a few choice words from some among the crowd who had been hoping for more carnage.
"One point to Mogmurch for lancing that nasty boil on old Finchcrushers hand." reports Mummy Sprattleharsh "Just one more shot each."
The familiar sound of a cage being opened can be heard shortly afterwards, followed by a shout of "Last flock released..." and the sound of the Wise Mummy Sprattleharsh rapidly diving for cover on the ground.
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I ain't gonna miss this time! Chuffy thinks to himself, as he concentrates and fires.
Poog decides to be a bit more hands-on this time, and uses speak with animals to try to talk the birds into going where he is shooting, rather than the other way around.
"Here, birdie, birdie, birdie!"
Secretly happier to have hit an annoying goblin rather than just a dumb bird, Mogmurch's face sports a large smile as he has one last try to hit something!
"Aaaargh!!!"
Reta fires her last arrow.
As our heroes ready themselves, the final flock of frightened birds head skyward. Reta is the first to locate them, firing off a shot which is unable to find a target and plummets back to earth scattering another group of watching goblins.
Mogmurch and Chuffy shoot next, but neither manage to hit a bird or trouble any spectators with their errant arrows.
Unlike his colleagues Poog is completely stumped when it comes to locating this set of gulls, as the latest cage is a little further away. However, he attempts to turn the situation around though a combination of his mystical powers and some good old fashioned goblin trickery.
Sadly the gull is not fooled by the cunning cleric and continues to flee. However luckily for Poog none of the other contestants accidentally mistake him for a real gull either!
"That's the end of this dare." shouts Wise Mummy Sprattleharsh. "Chuffy is in the lead with two points, while Poog and Mogmurch have a point each. Next up is the 'Stirge Swamp Stomp'...".
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The second dare takes the contestants and the crowd to the west, where a particularly low valley has subsided into a permanent swamp of nasty standing water, which they reach around midday. A failed attempt by the Birdcrunchers to build a bunch of huts on stilts left behind a haphazard arrangement of wobbly posts protruding from the boggy ground. The goblins have laid wooden planks across several of these posts, creating narrow bridges that stand 10 feet off the ground. Buzzing around in the vicinity of the posts are a number of vicious looking insects and on the ground near the southern shore are several pairs of oversized boots.
Mummy Sprattleharsh hobbles to the front of the assembled goblins "This will be the second dare, the 'Stirge Swamp Stomp'." she announces. "The rules are simple. Each Chieftain-in-waiting will put on one pair of these ugly longshank boots and then, when I throw this Thunderstone, they will all head onto the planks to start killing stirges. Any method of killing will work, but stomping on them will be best! Each dead stirge gets you two points, but if you fall into the swamp you will be disqualified and don't get any more points. If everyone else falls off the planks and you are the last goblin standing the contest ends and you get five more points. Otherwise the dare ends once all of the stirges are dead."
Once all of our heroes have put on their oversized boots the old Spook-Speaker looks them over. "Everyone ready?" she enquires, before hurling the Thunderstone against a nearby rock resulting in a deafening bang .
ROUND 1:
Poog
Chuffy
Mogmurch
Stirges
Reta
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Zarongel does not want his cleric in the marsh, so Poog steps forward and tosses a bolt of flame at the purple-skinned stirge.
Round 1
Chuffy, forced wear the damned boots, is able rto make it across the posts to the magenta-colored stirge.
Once at his quarry, Chuffy takes out his MW dogslicer and chops at the stirge, just missing it by a bee's di<k.
Poog's Fire Bolt slams into its target catching the buzzing insect flat footed and giving it some nasty burns, although not quite enough to finish it off.
Chuffy also manages to catch his stirge off guard, allowing him to land a solid blow to the insects vitals...
...ending the creature before it is even able to react.
"No standing on the shore." shouts Mummy Sprattleharsh "Watching you all wobble about on the planks is half the fun!"
ROUND 1:
Poog
Chuffy
Mogmurch
Stirges (purple -2)
Reta
Mogmurch, upset at being ordered out onto the planks, gives it his best!
Having kept his balance he tries an impressive trick shot by attempting to kill 2 stirges with 1 bomb!
Mogmurch skillfully jumps up onto the nearest plank and hurls a bomb at the stirges ahead of him.
Unfortunately the bomb doesn't quite manage to hit its intended target...
...and explodes a little early. Luckily for Mogmurch he is in a target rich environment, so he still manages to catch a number of stirges in the resulting explosion , which manages to finish off one of the unfortunate insects .
"Two points to Mogmurch." shouts Wise Mummy Sprattleharsh.
The angry stirges buzz in frustration, unable to reach any of their mischievous tormentors, but still hungry for goblin blood...
ROUND 1:
Poog
Chuffy
Mogmurch
Stirges (orange -4, yellow -4, blue -4, black -4)
Reta
Other than the unfortunate insect killed by Mogmurch's bomb, the other stirges were able to avoid the worst of the explosion, but still took some damage.
ROUND 1:
Poog
Chuffy
Mogmurch
Stirges (orange -2, yellow -2, blue -2, black -2)
Reta
Even with the oversized shoes Reta hops on the plank like she does it everyday and fires an arrow at a stirge.
Reta's shot fly towards its target and just about hits the mark, skewering the unfortunate stirge and pinning its lifeless body to the post that it was buzzing around.
"Two points to Reta." announces Mummy Sprattleharsh.
ROUND 2:
Poog
Chuffy
Mogmurch
Stirges (orange -2, yellow -2, blue -2)
Reta
Round 2
Chuffy jumping in his stupid boots to the other post, and attacks the (orange) stirge.
Poog is mad both about the kill stolen by Mogmurch and the fact that he has to go onto the planks.
No one said he had to use the boots, though.
Mogmurch attempts to move forward to get in range!
And splashes into the mud!
Being a sore loser, and a snitch to boot, he points out that Poog removed his boots!
"Wise Mummy he cheated!" Mogmurch whines.
"Did not! Just not stepping on buggies!"
Poog's fire bolt flies towards it's target, but goes wide, slamming into the the bank on the far side of the swamp.
The well aimed blow from Chuffy on the other hand slices into his stirge, grievously wounding it, but not quite enough to kill it . The injured creature, sensing one last opportunity for blood attempts to latch on to Chuffy...
...It succeeds, but then immediately falls unconscious, letting go and thudding into the post to which it is tethered.
"Two more points to Chuffy." the dare's elderly commentator shouts.
While this is occurring Mogmurch's attempt to move along the plank does not quite go to plan, he slips on a particularly slimy piece of wood and ends up in the mud below. "First goblin down... Mogmurch is disqualified for falling in the mud." announces Mummy Sprattleharsh. She then notices Poogs lack of footwear. "Poog, you can't score any points if you are not wearing the boots..." she shouts.
ROUND 2:
Poog
Chuffy
Mogmurch
Stirges (yellow -2, blue -2)
Reta
"Finally!" Reta grins. She stays where she is and shoots an arrow at another stirge.
Round 3
Chuffy, really feeling he's in his element, stalked the (yellow) stirge at the end of the other post and strikes.
Reta's arrow whistles towards her next target, landing a solid blow, but not quite enough to end the bloodsucking beastie.
Mummy Sprattleharsh rubs her eyes and realises that Poog was wearing his boots after all, they were just covered so much mud she couldn't see them properly. She quickly looks to recover the situation by adding "...So it's a good thing you are wearing them.", hoping that no-one spotted the mistake!
ROUND 3:
Poog
Chuffy
Mogmurch
Stirges (yellow -2, blue -4)
Reta
Mogmurch slogs out of the mud...
Poog stays put and tries some kill stealing of his own.
Poog's fiery blast shoots just wide of it's target and slams with a hiss into the boggy ground beyond. Chuffy's blow strikes the stirge in front of him, but it still remains very much active and is hungry for the taste of goblin blood...
...It is however unable to get a proper grip on it's goblin tormentor and is unable to feed.
ROUND 3/4:
Poog
Chuffy
Stirges (yellow -3, blue -4)
Reta
Mogmurch
Mogmurch plots and schemes...
"Die, stupid stirge!" Reta shoots another arrow at the stirge.