Rorek feels as if his mind is used as a post station, and is unable to gleam any of the contents.
How entertaining, the flabby one doubts my firmness? I do have that reality show called "the biggest looser" in which overweight mortals struggle to lose weight, ably insisted in this by a collection of my finest fitness coaches and nutritional advisors. May I avail myself of your services to procure most voluminous individuals assent to the next season? Its script writing has received the personal compliments of Queen Doloras, and once your immidiate crisis has been resolved, you would likely stand to profit considerably from contributing to her amusement. I would guarantee his live and the integrity of your agreement with him.
"If you give them monstrous diseases, wouldn't that include our information source?" she points this out offhandedly, not with any accusing tone. she then turns to Rorek, "I'm all for bluffing, so long as we always keep a plan B in mind. I can assist with the bluff."
Plan B is violence. Welcome to Abbadon. Rorek smirks.
Plan C is to meep meep away once we have what is needed. I can run extremely fast and should be physically capable of carrying you all, as long as you grab on something that is not my legs. Can rund around 250 Feet per 10 seconds, but can only keep this up for about 20 seconds.
Some scouting before we go in yakking would be a good idea. Possible escape routes and a bolt hole when and if we get the target out so we can plan the next step and see what the Zeebub knows.
Ask me about running away from a pereptually drunk Balor-Comedian with a vorpal wooden spoon..., or dont, wasn't exactly happy times. That f!#%ers entire gig as a "Stand Up Comdian" was, you see him, you stand up and get the hell away and Abyss take you if you dont. Rorek enriches everyones knowledge planes about Alyushinnnyrras comedy scene.
Scouting aint my forte, but remember that a bunch of Demons have true sight or see invisbility at all times when you do your thing.
Could possibly pretend to be the cavalry if you get detected and need urgent backup, if its a reasonably straigh line, I could also yeet the non stealthy parts into combat rather then out of it.
Rorek feels as if his mind is used as a post station, and is unable to gleam any of the contents.
** spoiler omitted **
...
I love it! Perhaps after this... kerfuffle is dealt with, something can be arranged. I own a few souls currently receiving work on the third ring that might interest you as well."
Greetings Sir Mendax, in the interest of both potentially preserving the forts and its economic value for further use as well as reducing the odds of our adversaries murdering hostages critical to your plans, we plan to bluff our way in, after doing some best practices recon work.
We shall pretend to be representatives of Lady Vellexia as this bluff is rather easy to do given my unique circumstances.
Is there any information, such as the average financial value created per day, the rough value of a tree, or differences in tree value based on the soul used to seed it, or the typical means of prisoner procurement, it would be most appreciated.
Rorek focuses on his connection with Mendax, speaking loudly to inform the rest of the party on the manner of his request.
Greetings Sir Mendax, in the interest of both potentially preserving the forts and its economic value for further use as well as reducing the odds of our adversaries murdering hostages critical to your plans, we plan to bluff our way in, after doing some best practices recon work.
We shall pretend to be representatives of Lady Vellexia as this bluff is rather easy to do given my unique circumstances.
Is there any information, such as the average financial value created per day, the rough value of a tree, or differences in tree value based on the soul used to seed it, or the typical means of prisoner procurement, it would be most appreciated.
Rorek focuses on his connection with Mendax, speaking loudly to inform the rest of the party on the manner of his request.
"Playing it safe, are ya?" he chuckled. "That's good, lessens the chance of things going awry." There's a pause. "To answer your question, yes, I can fudge some numbers to help out your disguise attempt. A fair word of warning though: the grunts will fall for it, but one of the bean counters probably won't. And if none of you have disguises they'll be hard pressed to believe you."
Are there any divinators among us? Tariq looks thoughtfully at the fort. If only we could roughly understand the number of demons in the fort... I'm surprised that I'm the one offering it, but... If we attack the place where they collect and fasten wood before shipping , then they will have to come out to us, and not sit on the walls. Especially if I cover these walls with a very dense fog. It makes sense if we can somehow understand the size of the enemy.
Miriani sighs, "I've got a little training in disguises. Not much because demon cultists tend to be stupid. I'd need something to work with, and even then I'm a novice." She is addressing the others, but she includes Mednax because it would be rude to suddenly cut him out of the conversation.
The boss says the bluff aint that likely to work unless...
Can we dress up Porti as a Demoness? Or otherwise pretend she is one?
The insanity option is that we pretend to be a new cast of one of Vellexias insanely chaotic casting shows, Mortals hopeful of scoring a Half Fiend Template if they suceed at impressing powerful fiends with their "business acumen" get set at an increasingly erratic set of "economic missions".
Spoiler, most of them die in hilariously dumb ways. In part because one or more of them are actually Demons in disguise aiming to sabotage their efforts or steal whatever gains they acquire.
Mortals pretending to be demons is difficult. Telepathy, damage resistances and typically greatly increased body temperature are quite hard to fake.
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While people start yabbering to the peanut gallery, Briggi starts casing the surrounding area for possible good paths to retreat and hide themselves. Perhaps doing a little prep work with the foliage.
While people start yabbering to the peanut gallery, Briggi starts casing the surrounding area for possible good paths to retreat and hide themselves. Perhaps doing a little prep work with the foliage.
[dice=Durvival]1d20+11
You notice that the river is somewhat shallower upstream; going further up you'd likely find a spot you could wade across. From there, swampland and marsh would provide you more than enough cover to hide from any pursuers, since you'd be blocked in sight, sound, and smell.
Messing with the trees reveals a curious phenomena: not only do they bleed when their bark and branches are disturbed, their moaning gets louder, from a quiet murmur to an upset grunt. You surmise that the trees would likely scream if actually damaged or cut with an axe.
Upriver there could be a spot to wade across if we need to retreat this way. The swampland and marsh can provide good cover if say a hunter's blind set up was done, so we could shelter under it.
Portia Porphyria-Jeggare has seemed absent-minded, even apathetic, during the first several minutes in this new Plane. Clearly disoriented and confused. She has spent several minutes vaguely following behind you, alternating between gazing at the sky to oblivion, or staring at her feet on the ground in contemplation.
Finally, she seems to awaken to the task at hand; she shakes her head as to clear her mind and processes what has been said.
"Please, excuse me; I'm not myself through this ordeal. Um, yes, I absolutely believe that scouting is a good idea: With information comes better strategy. But the risk of getting caught is high and then we'll have nothing to fall back on. Except fighting. Same with an incomplete bluff. We may not have enough info for it to work and have to run away. And, considering we don't know where we are, we have no idea to where we could run away. We can't just hope that if we run away in a straight line for long enough that we'll reach someplace safe to hide.
"We can see that they use the gate by the 'river' to go deforest Ptoma Trees. We can see the forest has paths and swaths where logging has been done. My suggestion is that we retreat deep into the Ptoma Forest and wait for a group of their loggers to come in for a day's labor. We spy on THEM, well away from the fortress. Then we approach them with our bluff to see how well it may work -- Mendax says the mooks will fall for it, and it'll be good to practice. Then, we either kill them before returning to the fortress to try our bluff there -- or maybe even have them escort us to the fortress and introduce us to the accountants. You know, if they introduce us as merchants of Vellexia then we aren't bluffing.
"But if anything goes wrong while we're deep in the Ptoma; if there is some critical bit of knowledge we yet lack, well, big deal. We'll kill them and then decide to go to the fortress for an attempt, and with more info."
That sounds like a good plan, plus it might be possible to disguise ourselves by stealing their clothes. Assuming they arn't to bloodstainted
The one downside is that they are demons, and many can be quite capable of teleporting out to safety. If we go violent, we must act extremely desisively.
"Now that we've settled on a plan, let me see what I can do to give you a little bit of a fiendish look."
She'll burn the edge of her belt pouch, and a bit of the frayed end of her rope to get a couple different kind of ash. She'll also grind up some of the soil with the pommel of her dagger into a fine powder. Each of those will be mixed with a little soap to make it hold better and use that to emphasize her features. Chelaxian nobility starts with well defined features, so she'll start with those and emphasize them a little bit beyond what reads completely as human. She'll style the hair up in a way that could possibly be concealing small horns.
"Why thank you, Miriani -- I rather like this.
"Is anyone able to divinely cast an Augury? Or perhaps a Divination spell? It may help to know if Mendax's little Zebub is running out of time."
Garidan watches the discussion and Portia's tranformation from the back, but with a smile. "Asmodeus would be proud of this ruse. I'm no help with disguises as demons, the lord only allows me to disguise as humanoids for whatever reason. But I do have room in my reportoire for such a question. No guarantees!"
Garidan takes out his books and walks in a circle deeply reading and reciting.
Aye, do your thing, Ill stand guard
Rorek assumes a guarding position, ready to strike at possible enemies attacking hile the Augury is in progress.
"How about something like, 'Lord Asmodeus, is it weal or woe to spend as many as three days hidden in this Ptoma Forest waiting to spy upon/ambush any from this 'logger's camp' in our quest to rescue the Zebub, Quercus, from the logger's camp?'"
Augury can only predict the future for the next half hour, Portia. The maximum for which it can be useful is to ask if specific demons can and will teleport when we see them and go to get in touch. Divination is better... Is that available to you, Garidan? Tariq scratches his beard thoughtfully. But otherwise, this plan sounds very reasonable.
"Shows how much I know about Divine casting, right?!
"If we can't divine some advice from our Hellish Lords with spells, do we still want to try the waiting game? Shall we still want to hide in the corpse-woods and hope to bluff and bully some intelligence out of any loggers? Or shall we go immediately forward, risky though it be, with the Vellexia gambit at the front door?
"My vote is still to hide in the Ptoma Forest. If they haven't killed poor Quercus yet, well, let's try to get some info without the risk."
"We can at least spend a couple of hours before wandering into the gorgon's gaze." adds Miriani.
Briggi keeps what as well with the bloodrager.
Various animals call and cry. A few sound somewhat like songbirds our howling wolves, others make sounds unlike any animal you've heard before. The air ripples, the ground trembles; on the horizon, the terrain shifts, as if millions of years of erosion and tectonic activity were happening in mere minutes. The river continues to flow. The fire continues to burn. On the walls of camp, the guards shift and walk their rounds. Some armed with polearms, others bows, and a few have weapons that you can't identify from a distance. In the faintest corners of your mind, you feel the urge to do engage in cruelty and malice, an energy that radiates from the very Abyss itself.
Okay, okay. I'm tired and I want to eat. Let's go back to the original plan and get into the thick of it. Rorek, lead!
"Agreed. It was worth trying, but I am anxious to try out this disguise."
Rorek uses some wands before approaching.
Leadblades
Shield (no UMD needed)
Longarm (no UMD needed)
Rorek leads the party to the gates and shouts
Open up you maggots, the mighty Cast of Abyssal apprentice has A business proposition for you. Represented by the fair lady there who is totally not a Succubus in disguise.
He says, rolling his eyes.
Briggi hides himself in the foliage in case arrows get loosed.
As they approach, Miriani wraps a scarf around her face pulls up her hood. She says a word and there are subtle changes in her silhouette and her walk and her voice. Not major, but enough to appear as a different person.
After preparing his spell, Garidan immediately casts it. In Infernal he continues talking to himself, his books and as a keen observer will notice, Asmodeus. "Dear Dark Prince. We will use guile and trickery to ambush the demon horde. I know you like this plan. But is it a wise decision, or will we fumble to our own presumptuousness?"
No matter the answer, Garidan adds some more spells to his ritual.
As the party approaches the gate, Garidan holds up his hand. " Wait everyone. I'm gonna be generous here and give you all some protection at no cost."
Calling in Abyssal, "I am here with my retinue to begin negotiations for a continuous supply of Ptoma lumber, on behalf of Vellexia The Illustrious; Succubus Queen of Alyushinnyrra. Open the gate on threat of destruction, so we may parlay for profit and power!"
From the top of the wall, a demon walks into view and shouts at you. "Oy!" he screams, his voice hoarse and rough. "The only thing you're gonna get yelling at us like that is an ass whupping, you here!?" The demon is a strange humanoid. His skin is pink and raw, like a shaved animal. He's covered in little more than a loincloth, and in his hands is a halberd dribbling with spittle. Most notable is his head, for from the shoulders up he resembles a furious billy goat.
He looks at you all, eagerly seeking a fight, and his eyes fall on Portia first...
Only for his smile to fall and be replaced with an incredulous raised eyebrow. "And uh, Mistress Vellexia sent a bunch a mortal slaves on such an important meeting? You're all brainless if you think I'll believe that shi-"
Before he can finish, a humanoid shape materializes out of the wall and whispers something in the demon's ear.
You can't see it properly, as it's outline moves and shifts even when it holds still. As it talks to the Schir, it points a single jagged finger at Rorek. The Schir starts with surprise at the shade's words but says nothing. He turns back to you.
"You know what?" he says, now surprisingly more cordial. "I think my eyes are a bit foggy. We don't get visitors too often. Of course you've been sent by Vellexia! Everybody knows about her sending mortals on business trips; oh so eccentric, those demon lords! We'll let you in right quick!" A telepathic message is sent to the other Schirs patrolling the walls, who pull a few levers and like that the portcullis is drawn open.
"Give us a minute to get you all a guide." he says, then pausing awkwardly, he continues. "So, uh, what're yer names?"
I am Rorek F&@~ing Thricedamned Rorek announces, as he beliefed the shade recogniced him anyway. Beloved by many for my perfomances in Clips such as "The insanely slow killer with the incredibly inefficient weapon", "Bowling with Bloodragers", "Abyssal chef" and "Science and you, Mortals on Demon-Crack-Cocaine".
The insanely slow killer with the incredibly inefficient weapon.
Featured a perpetually stoned and thus slowed Balor named Cyraxhax, who was trying to kill as many mortals as possible with a vorpal wooden spoon. Rorek achieved short time fame by Bloodraging, and then wounded the Balor using a Statue of Nocticula as an improvised weapon. For this act of unsanctioned renovation, Shamira sentenced him to star in:
Bowling with Bloodragers
A rather less interesting production, as the Balor, who no longer was interested in in Spoons, alternated between using a Ghibrileth to bowl over a number of Bloodragers, or using crunched bloodragers to Bowl over other Bloodragers. The show took a nosedive when it was discovered that several of the Bloodragers were merely Barbarians and irate viewers wanted their money back. Which resulted in Rorek getting moved to
Abyssal chef
Only to discover that his Balor nemesis picked up a Spoon again, but this time for cooking! Cooking Rorek in particular. Hilariously enough, Rorek managed to significantly injure him by sabotaging the big cooking pot and letting it explode, accidentally summoning several Omox Demons in the process. This was actually a bit of a hit, and Rorek could make a request to Vellexia considering his next "role". He requested to be "on the ingesting side of things this time", and promptly got casted for
Science and you, Mortals on Demon-Crack-Cocaine
which resulted in him being forced to sample all manner of incredibly unsafe abyssal Drugs. He met his end believing that the Tree dropping on him must just be a figment of his drug addled imagination, when it was actually real.
Demon Lord? You got effing promoted?
Portia whispers to the group, I don't trust the Shade who just told off that Shir. I hope you're right about this, Rorek. Good luck to us all -- but I hate relying on luck.
Miriani will study the schir demon we see.
She whispers, "I've dealt with Schir demons before. They shouldn't be too much of a problem."
Watch out for the Schir's spit. It carries disease
Retcon after seeing the first Shir to the party.
They are pretty agile, and in the Abyss they know they are small fry, expected them to make use of 3-dimensional movements, cyclecharging to get hits in.
Tariq chews his lip tensely. A drop of sweat runs down his temple.
Garidan, a tall slender guy stood behind the group, eyeing the Fortress and its inhabitants thoroughly. As the group whispers tactics and enters ther fortress, Garidan sends a small prayer to Asmodeus. Lord, protect me through this ruse.
After entering, a hissing voice is speaking Infernal from under Garidans coat.
Garidan speaks out loud with an extremely authoritarian voice.
"Hemlock, is the name and I demand the highest respect towards her lady's emissary. I myself am merely her barrister, but in accordance with treaty xy, paragraph 6, section 23, I must advice you to cooperate to your full extent.
Portia Porphyria-Jeggare sees Garidan's Familiar for the first time and is pleased. She's always had a thing for little venomous snakes, so aesthetically pleasing. She nods to the Varisian barrister.
Hemlock is the Barrister for talking/writing legal procedures, I am the one for "trial by murders". Oh, ideally refrain from trashtalking Lady Vellexia in my presence, she does see and hear what I see or hear, if she deigns to pay attention that is.
He murmurs, somewhat silently but audible to nearby demons.
I f*%@ing bet some clown will want his 5 minutes of Abyss fame by trying to murder me, "upjumped mortal murder hobo that I am", may as well get over with it.
Briggi was never a people person, so he stays silent.
The Schir laughs when Rorek identifies himself; it's not a genuine sound of mirth but a fake laugh clearly intended to come across as friendly, though it's not especially effective. "But of course! Everyone knows Rorek Thricedamned! You know, with all the pranks and the cooking, and the... mortal combat." he trails off.
He chuckles at Garidan's diplomacy attempt. "You talk smooth, mista lawyer." his smile drops and is replaced with a dark grimace. "I f***ing hate lawyers. I laugh extra hard when me and the boys plant em cuz they beg and scream the most." He flinches when Rorek threatens him. "Hey, don't worry 'bout it. We'll be extra helpful to ya. Got a few of Vellexia's employees here actually, so we're inclined to get along swell~" As he finishes his sentence he smiles, revealing a mouth of rotten yellow teeth. He lights up as he receives a telepathic message. "Speakin' of..."
A figure strides up to you all through the gate. A female form, curvaceous to the point of inhuman proportions, her mouth is fanged and her skin is pink-ish red. Her arrow-tipped tail lashes and her wings shuffle slightly. A succubus. Her outfit is interesting; a corset made of black leaves. She stares at you all for a moment, then her eyes fall on Rorek and she smiles, a lopsided smirking grin. "Rorek! Long time no see." she pauses. "Well, for me anyway. You've never seen me but I've seen a lot of you~" as she finishes her sentence she winks. "I was oh so sad when you dropped off the face of the Mazmezz Web. There were so many more shows for you to get involved in: Brain Drain, CB Tuesday, Cone of Fear Factor. I'd even heard rumors you were gonna get an Axiomite as a co-host!" She strides up to Rorek and practically jumps into his arms, then leans in close to whisper in his ear. "Last I heard they crucified him on a giant hashtag. Hilarious, amiright?"
She stands up straight, and walks back to the portcullis, saying "Anyway, let's get this over with. Hi, I'm Ntropa, and I'll be your guide today. If you'll follow me, I'll lead you to the main buildings and then you can talk boring numbers with the boss."
She looks directly at where Briggi is hiding. "You coming too, dwarf, or would rather sit in the bushes all day? You're in the Abyss, nobody cares if they see you jerkin it!" She then looks directly at Portia and scans her disguise. "Not bad, but you should know that tieflings down here wouldn't be caught dead without a few identifying tattoos. Keeps em from being targeted by slavers and stuff."
Brain drain? As Lady Vellexia would instantaneously inform you, it could actually improve my intelligence because Rorek speaks ith a female intonation You cant drain less then zero! he pauses.
She is of course lying because of course she is. he deadpans.
F+$~ me, she is totally going to place me there, Qlippoths beneath bugger my lovelife. As he offers the Succubus his Elbow, in a completely not literarry way and is ready to stride into the building alongside her.
Better on my Elbow then above me dropping a f@~@ing tree. Which this one probably has in her skillset, given her outfit.