GM Ietsuna's We B4 Goblins (Inactive)

Game Master Ietsuna

Chuffy wasn’t smart, strong, or even handsome. He was, however, very very sneaky. He went looking for a tasty looking frog, figuring he could eat it, if things didn’t work out. He then jumps to grab the little guy.

Stealth 1d20 + 15 ⇒ (7) + 15 = 22

CMB 1d20 - 2 + 2 ⇒ (18) - 2 + 2 = 18

He actually grabbed a big one on the first try. He puts it in his mouth for safekeeping. ”Es am easi,” he croaks.

As Chuffy looks about, hunting for the perfect specimen of toad-kind they stumble across a dogslicer poking up from the peat. A closer look at the area reveals two pickled goblin corpses, a second dogslicer, a javelin, a grappling hook, an unholy symbol of Zarongel, two wooden spoons, two dead moles and a jar of pickled fish heads.

Chuffy quickly takes a dogslicer, the jar of fish heads, and a mole. With those hidden away, he calls to the others, showing them the neat corpses and their goods. With definitely no jar of pickled fish heads. Nope. Not one.

Mogmurch attempts his finest toad mating call. "Caw, caw!" But when he lunges for the next thing to surface, it's a stupid fish! He can't even catch it anyway.

Nature: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (5) + 5 = 10

CMB: 1d20 - 3 ⇒ (11) - 3 = 8

The goblin decides to take a quieter approach. He circles to bog's other side, where he lies in wait until losing patience.

Stealth: 1d20 + 14 ⇒ (4) + 14 = 18

CMB: 1d20 - 3 + 2 ⇒ (7) - 3 + 2 = 6

At least he saw a toad this time! He tries the successful tactic again, though he can't help but halve his hiding time to ten seconds.

Stealth: 1d20 + 14 ⇒ (7) + 14 = 21

CMB: 1d20 - 3 + 2 ⇒ (14) - 3 + 2 = 13

"Aaaargh!"

Stealth: 1d20 + 14 ⇒ (4) + 14 = 18

CMB: 1d20 - 3 + 2 ⇒ (16) - 3 + 2 = 15

Mogmurch successfully captures a toad after nearly ten minutes! Only the sheer necessity of the task kept him on it for so long. ”We’re in this together, Polliwogmurch!” He affixes his new friend to his forehead and goes to join Chuffy.

He is immediately distracted again, grabbing the remaining mole and shoving fire paste down its gullet as best he can. ”This my new masterpiece. They won’t ever see it coming!”

Poog races over to see what Chuffy found, beating Reta there by just enough to grab the javelin, both spoons (for throwing, of course), and the unholy symbol of Zargonel. "Haha! Me gots the Zargonel symbol! Me is most unholy awesome of all goblins! Heeheehee!" He prances around in the muck for a bit, disturbing the water and causing all the toads to go into hiding for a good ten minutes or so.

Eventually he calms down and gets busy trying to locate the very, very best toad in the whole swamp. In order to get close, he tries to cover himself in muck and slime, then ducks down so only his head is above water, sneakily gliding along to get close enough to grab a nice, fat, warty toad before it even knows what hit it.

Disguise DC 12: 1d20 ⇒ 3

Stealth DC 12: 1d20 + 10 ⇒ (19) + 10 = 29

Combat Maneuver DC 15: 1d20 - 3 + 2 ⇒ (3) - 3 + 2 = 2

Plop! That one saw him coming. Maybe his disguise wasn't good enough. It wasn't really thick enough to hide his ugly goblin mug. He piles on more gloop anyway (just because it feels good) and and tries sneaking up on another warty toad by gliding through the water as if he were a crocodile.

Stealth DC 12: 1d20 + 10 ⇒ (17) + 10 = 27

Combat Maneuver DC 15: 1d20 - 3 + 2 ⇒ (16) - 3 + 2 = 15

Reta is riding high and feeling particularly emboldened after her smash-up job earlier. She takes the remaining dogslicer, as it would make a lovely addition to fighting with her new shield. ”MOST UNSMARTEST OF GOBS MORE LIKE. WATCH RETA SHOW YOU HOW.”

Reta doesn’t even bother pulling any tricks or putting any thought into it. She just dives for a toad with her whole weight, as if her life depending on reaching that toad and catching it. CMB: 1d20 + 0 ⇒ (19) + 0 = 19
I...did not expect that to work

And to everyone’s surprise, even Reta’s, she wraps her fingers around the toad and captures it. She holds it up. ”RETA NOT NEED ZARONGEL. SHE ALREADY BIGGEST BADDEST HAHAHAHA.”

Poog sulks at Reta's mouthiness. Then he remembers that only whelps sulk. Goblins fight! But she so strong... He remembers that time when she almost managed to stand up to Kettlehead in the cage. (For all his big talk, he really has been scared of Kettlehead for much of his life, though he'd never admit it. That dude is huuuge!)

So how to pick a fight with Reta Bigbad? From a distance, of course! Scooping up a glop of sludge with one of his brand-new old wooden spoons, Poog flings it at her big, beautiful-ugly face.

Spoon of Slop: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (2) + 2 = 4
Going with Dex, since he's using it kinda like a slingshot.

He misses. Badly. In embarrassment, he sinks below the water, still clutching his toad tightly, and swims away. His intent is to double back and attack her from the rear, taking her by surprise and wrestling her down. He pictures it... Ahhh, the glory!

Stealth: 1d20 + 10 ⇒ (16) + 10 = 26

Attack/grapple: 1d20 - 3 ⇒ (19) - 3 = 16

Of course, he doesn't really want to hurt her (much), because, well, she is kind of awesome, in a different-than-himself sort of way.

Chuffy claps his hands excitedly, watching the other goblins wrestling all over the swamp. ”Dis supa fun,” he grunts, as his frog, still in his mouth, makes it difficult to understand him very well.

Since you are from the Licktoad tribe, even if not fully confirmed members (yet) you may lick your toad if you so wish. Up to you, just let me know if you do

Your toads captured the sense a pride within you is swelling. You travel through the bog, heading toward the Cave of Darkfear. Ahead of you is a humorously shaped log. It looks ….. Rude. As you nudge each other and titter you see Kettlehead climb up and sit astride the log, his kettle still atop his football shaped head. His two sidekicks Culgick and Rempty step around the log and stand by as Kettlehead taunts you Stupid baby wannabe goblins he calls at you. You took toads from Kettlehead’s special pond, and now you have to pay my price. Give me all your toads! And say you be stupid

Combat Round 1 - Bold May Act

Reta
Mogmurch
Rempty (Blue)
Kettlehead (Purple)
Poog
Culgick (Red)
Chuffy

Since Chuffy stuffed the toad in his mouth, I assume there has been a TON of licking of it going on.

I'll pass on licking for now. Is there a map?

Mogmurch produces his new mole-bomb. "No, you say you be stupid! Or Mogmurch do it himself!" He hurls the whole setup at his hated foe.

Alchemist's Mole vs. Rempty: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (7) + 4 = 11
Damage: 1d6 ⇒ 3

Yes, there is a map. I copied the link to make the hyperlink here and forgot. See top of thread for link.

Reta also would have licked her toad

Reta pulls out her brand new (kinda) dogslicer and impenetrable (not really) shield. ”COME FIGHT RETA YOU STUPIDS. SHE HAVING A BIGGESTBADDEST DAY, SO YOU IN FOR BIGBAD TROUBLE!”

Two move actions to draw things

Ah, looks like I'm out of range. Will move and draw instead.

Miss?: 1d8 ⇒ 5

Mogmurch tosses his bomb/mole and it overshoots landing behind Rempty and splashing him with some of the fire.

Rempty's Thing: 1d4 ⇒ 3

Rempty moves towards Mogmurch and draws a sword from his belt.

Kettlehead jumps down from his perch on top of the log and moves toward your group too, but he does not even draw a weapon.

Combat Round 1 - Bold May Act

Reta
Mogmurch
Rempty (Blue) -1
Kettlehead (Purple)
Poog
Culgick (Red)
Chuffy

I believe Rempty is a girl goblin, IIRC.

I was mentally thinking Rempty was male and Culgick was female. I checked the module and as far as I can tell it does not specify. However on further investigation in later modules Rempty is infact female. My apologies. She will be referred to with female pronouns from now on.

"And say you be stupid"

"Aaahahaahahaha! You be stupid! Ahahahaa! You REALLY be stupid!" Poog is in stitches over Kettlehead's linguistic blunder. He readies a javelin and moves closer to get a good shot.

I think Poog is the orange one. If not, it's an easy fix.

Rempty is also Mogmurch's mate in the future. That has never stopped me from attacking when I've played this.

roll: 1d4 ⇒ 4

Culgick approaches your group with a look of dim malice.

Reta, Mogmurch and Chuffy up

Chuffy moved towards Culgick, wielding the shiny new dogslicer he found.

Attack 1d20 ⇒ 1

Damage 1d6 - 1 ⇒ (3) - 1 = 2

Now that Rempty is within mole range, Mogmurch lets loose against his favored enemy.

Alchemist's Fire vs. Rempty: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (7) + 4 = 11
Damage: 1d6 ⇒ 6

Chuffy tries to attack with the dogslicer, but has no idea how to even hold it. He makes a slice but completely misses.

Mogmurch also completely misses. The bomb goes off to the left and Rempty is only just caught in the edge of the blast.

Miss?: 1d8 ⇒ 4

Combat Round 2 - Bold May Act

Reta
Mogmurch
Rempty (Blue) -2
Kettlehead (Purple)
Poog
Culgick (Red)
Chuffy

Reta advances to the front, her shield and dogslicer in-hand. ”COME GET SOME BIGBAD BOOTY WHOOPIN’”

Rempty steps up to Mogmurch and swings her dogslices at the bomb thrower.

Dogslicer: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (16) + 2 = 18 Damage: 1d4 ⇒ 3

Kettlehead also attacks the group as he moves up to Reta. She swings at Kettlehead but he dodges her blow.

Dogslicer: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (17) + 2 = 19 Damage: 1d4 ⇒ 4

Combat Round 2 - Bold May Act

Reta -4
Mogmurch -3
Rempty (Blue) -2
Kettlehead (Purple)
Poog
Culgick (Red)
Chuffy

Poog watches his companions whiff and nearly miss all over the place, and feels all smug inside. "Haha! You all awful! Zargonel make me AWESOME! Watch this!" He heaves back and throws the javelin with all his might at the dark blue goblin before him.

Javelin: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (4) + 2 = 61d4 - 2 ⇒ (1) - 2 = -1

"Uhhh, that be distraction tactic! See? Now me serious!" Chagrined, Poog draws his club and gets ready to bash some skulls. Depending on how his pals react, he may not be so discerning about *which* skulls he bashes.

Zargonel, why you let me be wimpy whiffer? It no fun! It lame! Make me awesome!"

Roll: 1d4 ⇒ 4

Culgick draws a short bow and fires at Reta.

Shortbow: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (1) + 4 = 5 Damage: 1d4 ⇒ 4

The arrow goes into the bushes.

Combat Round 3 - Bold May Act

Reta -4
Mogmurch -3
Rempty (Blue) -2
Kettlehead (Purple)
Poog
Culgick (Red)
Chuffy

Chuffy moved towards Rempty, swinging that cursed new dogslicer he found.

Attack 1d20 ⇒ 2

Damage 1d6 - 1 ⇒ (4) - 1 = 3

I forgot to ask last round , but would someone be kind enough to move me up to attack, please?

"Aaaa! No, too close! Plan failed!" Mogmurch steps away from his tormentor, using his fellow whelps as cover. He then hucks a rock at her.

Rock vs. Rempty: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (5) + 3 = 8
Damage: 1d3 - 2 ⇒ (2) - 2 = 0

Reta begins circling Kettlehead, taking a slice at him. Five foot step and attack

Attack with Dogslicer: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (20) + 2 = 22
Damage: 1d4 ⇒ 1
Crit Confirm: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (7) + 2 = 9
Crit Damage: 1d4 ⇒ 3

Reta makes a swing at Kettlehead, running her dogslicer across his chest leaving a long angry slash.

Rempty swings at Chuffy with her dogslicer.

Sword: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (16) + 2 = 18 Damage: 1d4 ⇒ 4

Rempty makes it through Chuffy's guard slicing him.

Kettlehead retaliates against Reta.

Sword: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (2) + 2 = 4 Damage: 1d4 ⇒ 1

Combat Round 3 - Bold May Act

Reta -4
Mogmurch -3
Rempty (Blue) -2
Kettlehead (Purple) -4
Poog
Culgick (Red)
Chuffy -4

Noting with pleasant surprise that no one made fun of how badly he had missed with his javelin, Poog decides to center his efforts on the ever-bully Kettlehead. He skitters around behind Reta and takes a swing with his club at Kettlehead's knees(-ish).

club: 1d20 - 1 ⇒ (8) - 1 = 71d4 - 2 ⇒ (2) - 2 = 0

"Zargonellll! Why you no make me awesome? You busy or something?! Grrrrr!" He shakes his little dirty fist at the air, as if doing so would make a difference.

Roll: 1d4 ⇒ 2

Another Roll: 1d4 ⇒ 2

Culgick fires an arrow at Mogmurch

Shortbow: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (1) + 4 = 5 Damage: 1d4 ⇒ 4

Combat Round 3 - Bold May Act

Reta -4
Mogmurch -3
Rempty (Blue) -2
Kettlehead (Purple) -4
Poog
Culgick (Red)
Chuffy -4

Chuffy again swings at that nasty Rempty.

Attack 1d20 ⇒ 12

Damage 1d6 - 1 ⇒ (2) - 1 = 1

Mogmurch continues his bombardment. "Get her, rocks!"

Rock: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (13) + 3 = 16
Damage: 1d3 - 2 ⇒ (3) - 2 = 1

Mogmurch throws a rock and it bounces off her head. Her eyes cross for a moment.

Combat Round 3 - Bold May Act

Reta -4
Mogmurch -3
Rempty (Blue) -3
Kettlehead (Purple) -4
Poog
Culgick (Red)
Chuffy -4

Reta moves into a flank and strikes.

Attack with Dogslicer (flank): 1d20 + 2 + 2 ⇒ (5) + 2 + 2 = 9
Damage: 1d4 ⇒ 1

Reta swings and misses. Kettlehead laughs and taunts you all. You babies not hit Kettlehead. Hahahaha

Roll: 1d4 ⇒ 1

Rempty does not attack Mogmurch this round, instead she turns to congratulate Kettlehead on his awesome burn.

Kettlehead swings at Reta

Sword: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (7) + 2 = 9 Damage: 1d4 ⇒ 3

Combat Round 4 - Bold May Act

Reta -4
Mogmurch -3
Rempty (Blue) -3
Kettlehead (Purple) -4
Poog
Culgick (Red)
Chuffy -4

"Yrrrgghh!" Poog growls at Kettlehead's insult. "You no hit us, neither, big Stupidhead!"

Poog is getting tired of this, both physically and otherwise. Speaking of tired... He reaches out to touch the big lout, casting Touch of Fatigue.

Concentration to Cast Defensively: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (11) + 2 = 13

Touch of Fatigue vs. Touch AC: 1d20 + 2 + 2 ⇒ (3) + 2 + 2 = 7
Includes flanking bonus; DC 11; Fort. save negates

Ok Poog. I do not play casters so I am just making sure I have this right. The DC to cast defensively is 15+double spell level (0). So DC to cast defensively is 15. You failed so do you lose the spell or provoke?

Poog loses the spell and triggers an AOO.

You dont trigger an AoO with you attempt to cast defensively and fail, just lose the spell. Losing an action and a spell is already bad enough of a penalty

Ah. I misread that. Thanks!

Roll: 1d4 ⇒ 3

Roll: 1d4 ⇒ 2

Culgick fires at Mogmurch

Shortbow: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (4) + 4 = 8 Damage: 1d4 ⇒ 1

Combat Round 5 - Bold May Act

Reta -4
Mogmurch -3
Rempty (Blue) -3
Kettlehead (Purple) -4
Poog
Culgick (Red)
Chuffy -4

Chuffy moves 5’ to the north, trying to use big ugly Reta to distract Rempty, so she was easier to strike.

Would someone move me, please?

Flanking Attack 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (3) + 2 = 5

Damage 1d6 - 1 ⇒ (4) - 1 = 3

Unable to fling rocks at Culgick, Mogmurch continues to settle for his longtime foe. "Can't shoot Mogmurch, 'cept if your bow's on fire," he lamely calls over the brawl.

Rock: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (3) + 3 = 6
Damage: 1d3 - 2 ⇒ (2) - 2 = 0

Botting Reta

Reta makes a swing at Kettlehead

Attack with Dogslicer (flank): 1d20 + 2 + 2 ⇒ (19) + 2 + 2 = 23
Damage: 1d4 ⇒ 3

Reta slices and cuts down Kettlehead. He lies on the ground unconscious. Rempty and Culgick immediately decide that they don't want to fight anymore and they throw down their weapons.

You have bested Kettlehead and his cronies. Among their possessions you find a Small shortbow in need of a bowstring, a quiver with seven arrows, a hard leather boot, a salt shaker, and five bottles whose labels feature the same smiling half-elf woman wearing a jester’s cap. Nearby you see a crate featuring the same smiling half-elven face on it.

Chuffy grabs the salt shaker and one of the bottles with the ugly woman on it. He wasn’t sure what it was, but he opened it and drank it straight away.