GM Ietsuna's We B4 Goblins (Inactive)

Game Master Ietsuna

We be goblins, all caged up.
Comfy home for goblin pup!
Chew the bars, taste the rage,
Then squirm out of baby cage.
Prove our worth, yeah, that’s the plan—
All to join great goblin clan!

.

You are goblins of the Licktoad Tribe. Or at least you will be someday. For now, though, you’re whelps—ravenous, amoral, grumpy goblin children who learned to stop eating rocks only a few months ago. But with every day that passes, your whelping cage seems smaller and smaller. The outside world increasingly beckons to your goblin curiosity (and appetite), but the hateful cage bars holds you at bay.

A few other whelps flourish in the cage, even as the smaller and weaker ones are thinned out. Kettlehead stands literally head and shoulders above the competition, being a goblin of impeccable flatulence and having already fashioned himself an impressive hat from a teapot left lying too close to the cages. Even adult goblins—legendary Chief Rendwattle Gutwad among them—have taken note of Kettlehead and his advanced skills of poking the rest of you with sticks and delivering bruise-inducing noogies. But today is special. Today, instead of a bucket of fish heads, whelp-wrangler Loptop brought a key and unlocked the door to your cage, spilling you sorry lot into the world for the first time.

Other Licktoads gather around, eyeballing you and chewing on the fish heads that should have been yours. You all are too big for cages Loptop snorts. But you’re not Licktoads yet. Licktoads gotta be useful. Licktoads gotta be tough! Licktoads gotta earn their places in the tribe. And that’s what you’re gonna do now! Show us where you belong, even if that ends being the boneyard!

Loptop lines you up along with others from the cage including Cugick and Rempty. You are presented with four “trials”. You may elect to engage in any number of them from none to four.

The point of the trials is to earn “Licktoad Badges” to help you not die before you grow up. They work like a potion. They can be activated as an immediate action, usually in reaction to some danger or special condition. There are enough badges for all of you to earn one of each

Chuffy takes a hold of the rope, stretching it out, ready to tangle with that big old spider. ”Chuffy am best spider catcher in world! Can’t wait for great prize after Chuffy wins!”

He also decides to try to catch the squirmy worms. Worst case scenario, Abe he will get some yummy worms for dinner.

Animal Friendship and Squirmtongue for Chuffy!

Mogmurch goes for whatever test is being held first. "All'a these stupid things I can win with fire! An' if there's any left, Rempty's next."

What sort of goblin would I be to not answer All of the Above?

Poog's eyes widen in wondrous delight as the challenges are presented. "Hahaha! Me recommend Kettlehead for Happy Beats! Hahaha! Poog do Squirmtongue, Animal Friendship! Heck! And maybe others, if me feels like it! Hahaha!" He puffs out his chest with bravado, trying to ignore the little voice in the back of his mind that nags him about how he's no good with the other whelps in the cage, so how could he be good with animals?

We'll wait on Reta to chime in before we start the challenges.

Reta storms the rest of the goblins, making up for being late by being completely audacious. ”RETA WAKE UP FROM BEAUTY SLEEP. SHE SLEEP LOTS CAUSE LOTS BEAUTY. BIGGEST BADDEST GOTTA BE BIGGEST BADDEST BEAUTIEST.” She folds her arms and raises her chin. ”’SIDES, BEING LATE IS BEAUTYFASHION. ONLY STUPIDBADLAME GOBLINS SHOW UP ON TIMES.”

Reta cracks her knuckles, then smacks the sides of her head like she once saw that human do before fighting, then smacks a fist against her chest. ”BIGGEST BADDEST RETA TAKE YOU ALL DOWN! SHE’S BESTEST.”

Sorry about the hold up, didn’t see that the thread was up

Animal Friendship is up first. If you want to participate roll away

You are led to an area containing a large spider. This spider is bigger than you are, but that never stopped you before. Your task is to leash the spider.

Roll me a Combat Maneuver check to grab the hairy, 8 legged beasty then a Dex check to get the leash onto it

Mogmurch hopes his stupid butterfly mark will lure the spider in. Once it gets close, he lunges for it, a rope tied around his arm. "You're gonna be my friend, or Mogmurch'll eat you! Or could be that's a 'and'."

CMB: 1d20 - 3 ⇒ (18) - 3 = 15

Dex: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (19) + 2 = 21

Mogmurch leaps into action. He rushes up to the spider and grabs it around the abdomen. He works the rope free from his arm and around the spider. The gathered crowd looks on in awe as the goblin pup handles the spider with ease.

CMb 1d20 - 2 + 2 ⇒ (5) - 2 + 2 = 5

Dex check 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (13) + 3 = 16

Chuffy does not do well in his attempt.

Chuffy makes a dive for the spider, but it eludes his grip. The spider then turns and makes a bit at Chuffy.

bite: 1d20 + 7 ⇒ (15) + 7 = 22

Chuffy takes 1 point of damage, and 1 point of strength damage A DC10 Fort negates the strength damage

Fort 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (3) + 1 = 4

Chuffy didn’t feel well after the dumb spider bit him.

Uhhhh... Me can do this. Right. Yeah. Poog takes one look at the spider, narrows his eyes menacingly to hide his nervousness, and springs toward the spider, screeching: "Zargoneeeeeeelllllll! YAH!"

CMB: 1d20 - 3 ⇒ (13) - 3 = 10

Dex check: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (5) + 2 = 7

Of course, his deep-seated anxiety over not being good at riding the other whelps (and by extension, animals) certainly didn't help his attempt.

Reta goes feral (well, even more than usual) and leaps onto the spider. 'THIS BEASTY BELONG TO RETA. GO AWAY STUPIDS."

CMB: 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (12) + 1 = 13
Dex: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (18) + 2 = 20

Reta succeeds as she grabs the spider and makes a nice neat loop around it with the rope.

Poog has less luck. He gets onto the spider but cannot stay there while securing the rope and falls off. While he is on the ground the spider bites at him.

Bite: 1d20 + 7 ⇒ (9) + 7 = 16

Poog takes 1 point of damage, and 1 point of strength damage A DC10 Fort negates the strength damage

Poog and Chuffy are free to try again if they like :)

Chuffy sticks his tongue out at the more successful whelps. ”Chuffy am make best friends with dumb ole spider now!”

CMB 1d20 - 2 + 2 ⇒ (3) - 2 + 2 = 3

Dex check 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (6) + 3 = 9

Chuffy does even worse.

The spider bites at you again Chuffy

Bite: 1d20 + 7 ⇒ (10) + 7 = 17

You take 1 point of damage and 1 point of strength damage Strength damage negated by a DC10 fort save.

Fort 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (7) + 1 = 8

Chuffy tries to knock the spider over on its side, but was too weak, falling on the ground from his efforts.

Fort save: 1d20 ⇒ 11

Poog sulks for a moment as he shakes off the spider poison and psychs himself up to try again. Zargonel no like wimps who no can ride animals. Mees gottsa do this! Or Zargonel no be me friend.

Puffing up his chest in false bravado, he announces his second attempt: "Move you fat butt! Poog done playing! Poog master! Spider no know what hit it!" He skitters around on all fours to get into position, then springs upward with a well-timed fart at an unexpected moment to nab the spider.

CMB: 1d20 - 3 ⇒ (19) - 3 = 16

Dex: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (13) + 2 = 15

This time Poog jumps onto the spider and leashes it before the creature knows what is going on.

You retrying Chuffy?

Chuffy makes a fart sound directed at the spider and walks away in a huff.

Ok, on to Happy Beat

You must injure yourself in an amusing way to entertain the onlookers. Describe your actions and roll a Bluff or Charisma check to see how well you entertained with it.

Chuffy figures the best way to funny hurt himself is something simple, tried, and true. He steps forward and calls out to the crowd, ”Chuffy am bestest goblin whelp. Strongest head, too.”. He then takes a bow, takes five big steps backwards and runs as hard as he can headfirst into the closest large tree.

Charisma check 1d20 - 2 ⇒ (11) - 2 = 9

Fresh off his fantastic victory over the spider, which has inflated his ego prodigiously, Poog laughs derisively at Chuffy's attempt and shouts: "Ha! Poog do better! Hey everybodies! Watch this!" "Hold my beer!"

He grabs a stick that Chuffy had knocked loose from the tree, jams it into the ground, and then, with a melodramatic flourish, leaps up and lands his skinny goblin behind directly on the pointy end of the stick. "AIEEEEEEE!" It takes him a moment to gingerly pry himself off it, as it has impaled the side of one of his cheeks. He limps away, hamming it up as he goes. "Owowow! My butt! Ooooh, my butt hurts! Butt's a funny word! And it huuurts!"

Charisma: 1d20 ⇒ 18

Mogmurch siphons off a small bit of stuff from one of his fire flasks. He then flourishes his hands at the audience and quaffs it. "Hey everybody! Knock knock! Who's there?" He says around the mouthful. Rather than progress the joke, he jumps right to the screaming with laughter (and pain). Just as planned, the lava-like paste shoots from his nose!

Charisma, Mogmurch Bonus: 1d20 - 1 + 2 ⇒ (7) - 1 + 2 = 8

”YOU ALL STUPID. RETA KNOW BESTEST WAYS TO HURT PAIN GOOD.”

Reta begins pounding herself with her fists with absolutely no restraint or sense of self-preservation.

Charisma (game bonus): 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (10) + 2 = 12

Chuffy Damage: 1d3 ⇒ 3

Poog Damage: 1d3 ⇒ 2

Mogmurch Damage: 1d3 ⇒ 2

Reta Damage: 1d3 ⇒ 3

Chuffy's attempt at humour falls flat with the gathered goblins. He runs into the tree and someone yawns.

Poog's stick trick does spark a giggle that turns into a chuckle and eventually the whole tribe is rolling on the ground laughing historically.

Poog's efforts seem to have worn out the tribe and they sit on their hands.

Reta wins them back with her attempt by blackening her eyes and ears.

Poog and Reta successful, Chuffy and Mogmurch fail. The damage above is taken, but it is non-lethal. You may continue trying if you like.

Dejected and sporting a nose running faster than some silly elf, Mogmurch decides against another try.

Chuffy holds off, deciding he’d do better in the later events.

Ok, on to Hurtful Words. You take a rock from the fire, place it in your mouth and hurl insults. Fort save to hold the rock in your mouth and Int check to hurt insults. I am going to pull back the curtain a little on this one because it will take ages in PbP otherwise. A whelp must succeed at a DC 8 Fortitude saving throw to hold the hot stone in her mouth the first round; calling out a clever insult that same round requires a successful DC 14 Intelligence check. Whelps can try again if they fail the Intelligence check, but the DC for the Fortitude save increases by 1 each round, and a whelp can’t try again once she fails the save. When a goblin fails this Fortitude save, she reflexively spits out the hot stone before it actually causes damage.

Chuffy, a complete failure at the other events, decides this one would have to go much better. He selects a tasty looking rock and throws it in his mouth.

Fort 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (7) + 1 = 8

The rock was hot. He jumped back and forth, trying to take his gobbie mind off the heat. ”Reta, you am ugly like butt of a ......dog!”

Intelligence check 1d20 - 1 ⇒ (13) - 1 = 12

Chuffy tries again.

Fort 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (19) + 1 = 20

Intelligence check 1d20 - 1 ⇒ (3) - 1 = 2

Chuffy gives up. It had been a bad day.

Poog is feeling pretty darn good about himself so far. Sure, it took him a bit to warm up, but he's been sizzling hot since then, and you know what that means: one cocky goblin. He struts to the fire and pops a stone into his mouth as if it was an innocent moldy strawberry and shouts around it: "Kettlehead momma so stupid if she speak her mind she be speechless!"

Fortitude Save DC 8: 1d20 ⇒ 20
Intelligence DC 14: 1d20 - 1 ⇒ (5) - 1 = 4

That joke went over everyone's heads, even Poog's. He tries again, rolling the stone around in his mouth with his tongue so it doesn't burn him: "Uh, Kettlehead's momma's so fat, when she farted, she launch herself into sky! See! She up there! She the moon! She mooning us!"

Fortitude Save DC 9: 1d20 ⇒ 12
Intelligence DC 14: 1d20 - 1 ⇒ (2) - 1 = 1

Fortitude Save DC 10: 1d20 ⇒ 1
"PTOOOEY! Ow! Hothothot!" Well, it was a nice run while it lasted. Uh oh. Now Kettlehead beat me up, maybe.

Mogmurch has this! He might be small and weak, but he's smarter than the rest, plus he knows so much about fire! He starts thinking up something very rude to say about Rempty.

Fortitude DC 8: 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (5) + 1 = 6

Mogmurch spits out the rock immediately upon putting it in his mouth. He slinks to the back of the crowd. "Gotta unfair trick, Mogmurch's mouth was already hot from the last game. And he woulda done real good in that one too."

Reta sits down and leans back, her arms folded behind her head as she grins a wide smug grin. ”RETA ALREADY PROVE SHE BIGGESTBADDESTBESTEST, SHE DON’T HAVE TO AGAIN, ‘SPECIALLY WHEN STUPID BOYS CAN’T EVEN DO IT RIGHT.”

She’s gonna sit this one out, satisfied at her success thus far

Ok, last challenge. Squirmtongue. You will have a scoop of soupy mud placed in your mouth. You must find the worm within it without swallowing the wriggly creature. Perception check to find it, then Reflex to avoid swallowing it

Perception 1d20 ⇒ 20

Reflex 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (9) + 3 = 12

”Yum, mud good! You gonna finish your mud, Poog?”

Poog was going to sulk this one out, but to refuse Chuffy's challenge would be to show weakness. Tossing caution to the wind, Poog replies with too much bravado: "'Course me gonna eat me mud! Me hungry!"

Into his mouth the sloppy mud goes!
He dances and prances on the tips of his toes.

Perception: 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (11) + 1 = 12

Reflex: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (13) + 2 = 15

Chuffy finds a worm wiggling in his mouth, but his tongue is not quite nimble enough to stop the creature slithering down his throat.

Poog has more luck as he filters the worm from the mud and produces the worm as evidence.

Chuffy fail, Poog success. Chuffy you may retry twice more if you like.

Reta is absolutely used to having bugs in her mouth. She particularly enjoys the feeling of them squirming about against her gums. Sometimes, she doesn’t even eat them. Just lets them run around a bit to make her mouth tingly then let them go. At which point, she stomps on them, then eats them.

As such, she has an easy time with this challenge.

Perception: 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (7) + 8 = 15
Reflex: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (19) + 2 = 21

She spits out the remaining mud from her mouth and raises her fists in triumph. ”RETA BIGGEST BADDEST IN WORLD!”

Perception: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (2) + 3 = 5

Reflex: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (13) + 2 = 15

Mogmurch tosses back the mud, confident it all stays in. He has no idea where the worm is, though. He meekly asks for another one.

Perception: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (2) + 3 = 5

Reflex: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (11) + 2 = 13

Again he fails to find the worm! Fairly certain the game is rigged against him, he swallows the lot out of spite. They won't laugh when they gotta ram the big spider down their throats!

Chuffy tries twice more.

Perception 1d20 ⇒ 4
Reflex 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (20) + 3 = 23

Perception 1d20 ⇒ 8
Reflex 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (19) + 3 = 22

Loptop approaches you each in turn and hands you some badges.

Mogmurch receives the Animal Fiendship badge
Chuffy is passed by with a pointed look That was some bad dice luck
Poog and Reta receive the Animal Fiendship, Happy Beats and Squirmtongue badges.

Animal Fiendship Licktoad Badge Benefit: Following a successful attack roll against a creature of the animal type, the user of this Licktoad badge increases her damage from that attack by +1d6 points. This extra damage is not doubled on a critical hit. The user can decide to activate this badge after rolling the regular damage for the attack. This is like a potion and is single use

Happy Beats Licktoad Badge Benefit: The user of this Licktoad badge gains DR 5/− against a single attack, and is hurled 5 feet away from his attacker in a direction he chooses, landing on his feet. The user can activate this badge after he is hit, but before damage is rolled. This is tricky in PbP so just use it when you like, but it is single use.

Licktoad Badge Benefit: The user of this Licktoad badge can reroll a single saving throw he just failed, but he immediately falls prone. Again, single use.

Loptop keeps going down the line passing out badges to other whelps.

Now that you have shown your metal, or lack thereof, to the tribe Loptop again approaches your group. Turing to Kettlehead, Cugick and Rempty she says You three, you can go into Tadpole Bog. The rest of you gotta go to sleep. Tomorrow you go to bog and get toad for licking

Littered about the village you can see several weapons, mostly quarterstaves and clubs. You can take a weapon if you like

Perception 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (20) + 3 = 23

Chuffy’s keen eyes actually pay off and he runs to grab the case and it’s contents. He wraps both arms around the chest and puts the darts in his satchel!

Perception: 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (2) + 1 = 3

Poog has no idea what Chuffy's so excited about, but whatever. He grabs a club and practices hitting Kettlehead by pounding it on the other whelps. It's easy to be brave when the threat is gone. Once he's worn himself out he finds a nice filthy hole to sleep in, clutching his new splintery club like a teddy bear.

Perception: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (11) + 3 = 14

Mogmurch drifts off thinking about how he might make a better fire using toads. "Real oily, toads..." he mumbles in his sleep.

Perception: 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (10) + 8 = 18

Reta takes the lid. "RETA NEED SHIELD TO PROTECT FROM STUPIDS."

Poog heard that. (Everyone heard that.) In his little hidey hole, he mutters very quietly so that only he can hear: "Yeah, yous do. Reta bigtalk need all help she can get. Hehe" Poog chuckles at his own cleverness.

Zargonel will be so proud of him. He bested a spider today. Maybe tomorrow he'll kill a dog. Or even a horse! While riding a...a...GIANT TOAD! Or something like that. Yeah!

He drifts off to sleep, daydreams smoothly transitioning to night dreams of glorious animal-riding valor and wanton destruction.

The night passes and you wake the next morning as Loptop trips over you on her way to some task or other. She leads you to the edge of the village. You maybe think you be tough because you got out of your baby cage, whelps? Psht! You no be goblins. The only real goblins are Licktoads, and a Licktoad without a toad is just… lick. So. If you want be Licktoads, you need to catch a toad at Tadpole Bog, and also not die. Then you take the toad to Cave of Darkfear and also not die. Then you show your toad to the Darkfear spirit, and maybe if you really are a goblin, then you also not die. Get toad. Show spirit. Kill anything that wants to stop you. Don’t die. That last part is very important.

Loptop drags a stick in the dirt making a crude map showing the location of Tadpole Bog and the Cave of Darkfear then kicks you until you leave.

Fast forward your boring trip to the bog

As you embark on your mission the horrible sunshine disappears as a beautiful drizzle sets in over the bog. The occasional lazy bubble breaks the surface of this shallow, stinky pond, and a haze of insects clouds the air in every direction. Only the occasional gurp-chirp of toadsong breaks through the drone of bugs.

The water is a mere foot deep and your small frames are not heavy enough to fall through the layer of peat that forms the “bottom” of the bog.

Ok, so it is time for you to each capture a licktoad of your own. Before we roll for them, there is a chance for you to improve your chances to capture one. Creativity will be rewarded. Examples may be climbing a tree to drop down on an unsuspecting amphibian, making toad calls or stealth. Other skills will be considered. Please make rolls and tell me how the skill with help you nab a toad. Catching a toad requires a DC15 Combat Maneuver Check. You gain a +2 bonus on this check by making use of your other skills. A successful DC12 skill check will give you the +2 bonus. Make sense?