You are goblins of the Licktoad tribe, who live deep in Brinestump Marsh, south of the hated longshanks-town called Sandpoint. Once, other goblins tried to burn Sandpoint down, and they would have been legends if they had succeeded. But they didn’t bring enough fire, and got themselves killed as a result. What idiots! Good thing you're not like them.
Yesterday, your tribe discovered that one of your own had been using forbidden arts and was engaged in one of the greatest of taboos—writing things down. In fact, rumor holds that what he was writing was a history of your tribe! There’s no swifter way to bring about bad luck than stealing words out of your mind by writing them down, and so your tribe had no choice. You branded the goblin’s face with letters to punish him, which is why everyone calls him Scribbleface now, and then you ran him out of town, took all of his stuff, and burned down his hut. Good fun all around!
But here's where things got interesting! Before you all burned down his hut, Chief Gutwad found a weird box in the building. Inside was a map and a lot of fireworks--fireworks that immediately came to use in burning the hut down. Then, this morning, Gutwad announced that tonight there would be a feast in order to drive out any lingering bad luck from
Scribbleface’s poor decisions. But even more exciting, all of you have been secretly invited to meet at Chief Gutwad’s Moot House. Why would the chief want to speak to you? It can only mean that he’s got an important mission for you all... one that the other goblins of the tribe couldn’t pull off. This could be your chance to go down in Licktoad history!
And why not? After all, you're big, important goblins! But do you even know who those other goblins around you are? Right now you're outside the Chief's Moot House--His Mighty Girthiness is probably informing his speaker Slorb what to say--so take a chance to tell each other how big and strong you are. Oh, what you look like might not be bad either.
Ziki Fireburner is an average looking Goblin with coarse brown hair going down to her knees. She hops up on a rock in her purple patchwork robes and equally purple pointed hat. Occationally her lucky toad, Tubby, peaks out from his hidding spot under her hat. Ziki draws her sword and holds it aloft, in a squeaky voice she proclaims:
"Ziki best greatest fire starter in all village! Ziki burn down many things and cut up lots of things with her mighty sword!"
Continuing her majestic display of might, she coughs up a blob of acid which flies off and burns through a random tree branch.
Marrowdown is a big goblin, and quite proud of it! His head is giant and quite hard, filled with huge, tusk-like teeth. He wears a chain shirt that heads down just past his knees, coupled with leather pants and pointy leather shoes (complete with nice shiny buckle) beneath this. A leather band wraps around his chest, and in this is held an old stone dagger of strange make and his lucky toad, Stonetongue.
Marrowdown dodges out of the way of the hurtling acid, and then stamps his feet and puffs out his chest. "Ziki may be best firestarter, but Marrowdown be best warrior! Marrowdown has strongest teeth, you see?" Here he stretches open his mouth as wide as he can, showing off his thick, pointed teeth, and cackles. "Chahaha! Marrowdown can bite through that little sword like it was longshank's neck! Marrowdown can eat you alla up, and still have room for snacks!"
Zoog is an average sized goblin, with burn marks and scars covering his skin. One ear has many piercings in it, and the other only one. He wears a moldy pirate bicorne (think Captain Crunch), which sits atop his wooden jack-o-lantern helmet when he is fighting. He carries his toad, Flymuncher stored in his hat, and carries a morningstar at his belt. He wears a patched up leather vest for protection.
Zoog looks offended by Ziki's claim and exclaims, "Ziki no good at fire! Zoog much better! Zoog not just make fire, Zoog make boom! Stupid gobo Ziki!"
Who does that fool think he is? Best at making fire? Pfft. In his dreams. I'll show these stupid goblinoids who's boss!
Um is a smallish goblin with a nervous tick about him. His head is always jerking around looking for threats and his eyes are always wide open frantically searching out those around him. He wears two fishhooks per ear with their floats and lures still attached. His head is covered by an old wooden salad bowl tied there with a dingy white kerchief with faint blue floral patterns still visible. Around his neck is a necklace of chipped and broken arrowheads. He wears little else save for a small stretch of cloth a crossed his waist held tight by the straps off a old set of plate mail. He carries a small bow strapped over his shoulder and two quivers of arrows on his back. He is trying very hard to be unnoticed by the group at this point.
Spug is a fairly average looking goblin who is adorned in a hulking mass of mismatched furs and skins, and wields a large, warped wooden shield with the symbol of a frog-leg with a large bite taken out of it, crudely painted on it. Spug is quite friendly and almost constantly smiles. A necklace of assorted small skulls, bones and decaying fingers is worn around his neck. There is a also a fresh meaty looking chunk attached that is still dripping blood and looks a lot like a tongue. Those few that are observant may have heard him speaking to a goblin just prior to the meeting, ending the conversation with, "Me thinks that stupid dog will not be barking me awake again, hee hee."
Gniffles stands quietly at the edge of the group. The wiry goblin's frame is buried beneath the folds of the tattered silk robe, whose original brilliant white color has faded to the color of yellowed bone. He holds his gnarled staff in his hand, with baubles and bones dangling from it's knotted head. Gniffles' own head is hidden behind an ornate mask almost his size again--a wooden headpiece resembling an immense exaggerated skull. The mask is mostly black and white, with the black edges of the mouth curling in upon themselves at their tips amongst the cheekbones, and fist-sized eye sockets that suggest an impossible depth. The eye-sockets, however, are adorned with vibrant, colorful patterns. In fact, the entire mask has swirls and patterns etched into the surface, made to leap off of the mask with rich and various dyes, flitting between the contrast of the prevalent black and white.
Gniffles roles up the billowing sleeves of his robe, revealing knobby arms covered in black spirally tattoos. With a wave of his hands, the moss at his feet begins to billow smoke until a flame finally bursts from the soggy ground. The flame sputters for a few seconds before it disappears in a puff of smoke beneath the fat tip of Gniffles' staff--the dangling bones and stones jingling against the ground. The giant mask covering his face seems to smile.
Zurk is the biggest of the gobs, but really, he is only an honorary gob gob. His ears flop down and put the majority of the goblins to shame. Unlike most of his fellows, Zurk tends to wander along the village, growling at anything that gets directly in his way, whether gob-gob, bug, or small goblin dog. He towers above the others, just a bit over 6 feet at the tops of his hair.
Most days, he brawls with the smaller individuals at the camp, leaving his greataxe alone, but maintaining the aged, blood-stained scale armor, and the horseshoe helm that guards tender ears. Swinging freely is the symbol about his neck, a dessicated frog skull that has patches of mold that seem to resemble Venkelvore's mark, the tongue lolling about.
"Aww...Spug having fun without Zurk again? We 'posed to be Hungry Lady's eyes and fistses." He yells out, grinning his misshapen smile at the goblin cleric.
Spug cranes his neck upwards and meets the eyes of Zurk, "Me thinks Cheev have task for us's this moon which be good chance to serve the Hungry Lady. Us's prove to Her that we be worthy of her blessn's!"
While referencing Venkelvore, from the folds of his hide armor, Spug removes a shiny green-lacquered, wooden symbol shaped like a frog's drumstick with a large bite taken out of it. He cradles it close to his chest protectively, like a human might do with an infant.
Zurk rumbles a bit of laughter. "Ooh, dah Cheev do? Oh yes, we gonna be giving plenty of food to dah Hungry Lady."
The brutish bugbear strokes the frog skull about his neck, whispering softly. "Leapy gonna see why he be dead toad for dah Lady. He safer as deadie now. Gets to watch dah fightses and the deffs and all the yummy gutses all over. And Zurk only eats his insides when super, super hungries."
Ziki jumps down from her rock and runs to Zoog with too-big eyes wide open:
"Zoog make fire and boom? Ziki and Zoom could burn down whole forest!"
The odd spell caster bounds about overjoyed a the prospect of more firepower at her disposal with the aid of fellow gobo.
Zoog's jaw drops at Ziki's suggestion . His eyes go from her to Gniffles, and back again. "Ziki smart gobo. With her and Zoog, and Gniffles we burn down whole city!"
Zoog finds himself doused in a micro-burst deluge as the toothy & toothsome Aka waggles her fingers, pointed directly above his head. "Stupid Zoog! tribes of Goblins try to burn down Longshanks city!"
"How many more than three is five? How many more than three is ? You think because you have magic you is better than whole tribe of brave Goblins? You stupider than Scribbleface!"
"Ptoui!!"
"Who cares if old gobos failed? Three or five or tribe, they was stupid, weak! We new gobos! Longshank city no match for us! Probly what the Cheev wants us for, to show the longshanks what gobos are made of." Marrowdown nods sagely.
"Crush the flesh and smash the bones; fill their dumb heads fill of stones; dat's the way we kill longshanks. Noneya please or stupid thanks."
Zurk sings with malicious glee, thinking of squishing longshanks.
Suddenly, in the midst of your introductions--the posturing and discussions of killing and/or burning longshanks are pretty common, all things considered--you hear a nasal whine come out of the moot house. "His Mighty Girthiness Chief Rendwattle Gutwad now offers invitation for the chosen goblins to enter his fine moot house of wonders!" It is the voice of Slorb, Chief Gutwad's duly appointed adviser and speaker (after all, the Chief's own voice is far too great for normal goblins to hear).
Entering the moot house after climbing its ladder, you see the many treasures of the Licktoad tribe decorating the walls. An old rusty longshanks sword with a gem set in the hilt leans against the wall, and with it is a bit of chainmail, one that's often gnawed on by the tribe's goblin dogs (and occasionally its goblins). Several old, dead toads are nailed into the wall by their feet, some spread out, some just hanging by one leg. These are the Toads of Great Gobs, the pets of mighty Licktoad heroes of the past, and every Licktoad hopes to someday have their own toad on this wall. There are also several bits of dogs on the floor or walls, and the tribe's prize possession--the skeletal ribcage and skull of a horse--is displayed next to Chief Gutwad's throne.
Ah, yes, the Teeter Chair--a monstrous contraption, taller than two goblins, which leans precariously but holds up the great Chieftain, His Mighty Girthiness, Rendwattle Gutwad. Grown large from feasting on the fears of the longshanks and the innards of their dogs and horses, Gutwad has his mighty bow on his lap, and he grins down at you. A ghastly sight, to be sure, but one fitting of a great leader! His eye was put out by a kick from a horse, they say, although the blackened scar around the socket might suggest otherwise.
At the foot of the Teeter Chair is Slorb, dressed in his usual tattered, sloppy robes. The adviser bows to you and steps aside.
And then, wonder of wonders and fear of fears, the Chief speaks to you! His voice is booming, much deeper than a usual goblin's pitch.
“You all be heroes. Each of you. You are best Licktoads but for me. And maybe but for Slorb. That you aren’t fleeing in terror from mighty sound of my voice is all the proof you should need. Yet soon, all Licktoad goblins will know your might, for I have picked you for a dangerous mission.
“You know about fireworks and map we found in Scribbleface’s hut. Fireworks were fun. But map is more fun. It shows route to place near coast where Scribbleface found fireworks. And it says there be more fireworks there!
“I want them for Licktoads. You all go get them tomorrow. Tonight we have big bonfire to burn bad luck away from you, and we play many
games. Much fun. Tomorrow you fetch me fireworks. If you meet longshanks, you make them dead. If you meet dogs, you make them dead. If you meet horses, you make them dead. If you meet Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many, you maybe should run. And if you not find fireworks, you not come back or we feed you to Squealy Nord!” (Nord being the fearsome beast and mascot of the Licktoads, who dwells in the Pit of Squealing Death in the village. To be fed to this monstrosity is a terrible fate, indeed.)
Zoog salutes/bows (whatever proper protocol is) and awaits his companions to being their mighty quest!
"We bring back fire works boss, we bring back works and dog heads and horse heads and even head of Lotslegs. We do all this for you boss." Um shouts out as quickly as possible.... and then realizes what is going on and stares quietly at his feet, trying hard to look inconspicuous.
"Haaarrruuuu!" Shouts Spug excitedly.
"Us's gits them fireworks back for you Cheev! Us's will makes the Licktoads an' the Hungry Lady proud!"
Zurk nods in agreement with Spug. "And we be sure to leave lots and lots of longshank corpses in our wake."
Marrowdown grins excitedly and bows several times to the Chief. "Thanks, Cheev! We's going to get you all the fireworks! No need for Squealy feedings, we be the best fireworks finders ever! Longshanks, dogses, horses, no match for us-es! Lotslegs maybe. But Marrowdown still bites it!"
Gniffles nods excitedly at the chief's request, a quiet squeezing building behind the sinister mask the entire time he is speaking. Finally, with an eager crescendo as the chief finishes, Gniffles thumps the butt of his staff on the ground, causing the dangling baubles to rattle. "We no disappoint chief! Me know swamp. You pick goblins well!"
Ziki does an awkward dance in the room as the other gobos reaffirm the Cheev's choices. She is ready to burn down lots of dogs and horses, but maybe not Many Legs...
Pretty sure Mama didn't send me here just to get et by a slab of bacon...
Mmmm, bacon.
Aka says little, but folds herself down in something like a bow & something like what a snake might do, if a snake were pretending to bow. "It is as if it were already done, Most Girthy One!"
The Chief grins down at you. "Good! Me knew you good goblins, best of tribe but for me, and maybe but for Slorb. You go do this, you always best goblins of tribe but for me!" Gutwad gestures to his adviser, and Slorb produces the map, drawn on a thin plank of wood, which you can look at. "Now, GO!" the Chief roars, pointing to the door. "Me need get ready for feast, and you need get ready too, for feast and for big job!"
Outside, you notice most of the village's goblins bringing firewood to the spot of the bonfire which will take place tonight along with the feast. One child points at you. "You see Chief! You bigbads!" Another goblin smacks it with a stick to get it going again, but the message is clear--you're already on your way to being village heroes.
He also wanders around growling at younger goblins. It seems the mature thing to do.
Sure, I'll take an untrained Knowledge Local check
Ziki often gets confused and bored by local lore. It doesn't involve enough doom and gloom.
Marrowdown is surprisingly quick-witted.
He stomps around the edge of the preparations, keeping a grumpy face on. He doesn't like celebrations much.
Spug seems less interested in the general musings about the area, and spends more of his focus on sweet-talking some fe-gobs into a mushy session for the night.
Untrained knowledge
Um cares little for stupid gobo tribe and stupid swamp. Um just want to find a wayout. Preferrably BEFORE anyone finds out about the words.
Due to being incredibly smart, as well as bigbad heroes in the making, just about every goblin is able to find out plenty of information on the swamp and the dangers the group may face on this journey.
Ziki meanwhile doesn't find out anything about the swamp, but she does get the goblins to promise that she can light the bonfire! And Horsecutta finds a nice spot on the roof of one house where he can watch the gobos slave away at building the fire after being called a bigdumb scramblehead.
While you ask about this, you see all the goblins making big fire. Now it's almost time for the party; you have just enough time to talk to each other and then it'll start!
To no one in particular while on roof. "I not scramble head. They all dumb stupid stupids, with their stupid stupids, and all the stupid stupids dey gots. Dey will see. I'll show dem fires. I'll show dem all fires. Den dey sees real good. Ooh a atinkbug." Um looks around to make sure there are no goblins around to take it this time."Nobody take you this time. You keep tug an lucky company. He pops the bug in his pack before it can spray him.
Hmm... Everyone who goes to see Vorka gets et...
would anyone go to see Vorka?.. Aka muses to herself before she begins dancing around the woodpile which is about to apotheize into a bonfire.
Zoog considers this new found information. Hmm... arachnids and cannibals... wonderful.
Spug walks over to Zurk and asks, "have you killed any big spiders? Me thinks spider fang would make good thing to add to my necklace. Me's wonder if she too big to hold down and pull legs off, one at a time?"
"As for Vorka. Me thinks she not follow the Hungry Lady. Maybe we feed Vorka to the Her," Spug says with a grin.
Gniffles stands near the massive pile of kindling, arms stretched out before him. The sleeves of his robes drape across the ground, having fallen back to his shoulders with his arms outstretched. He maintains this position while chanting to himself and giggling.
Zurk's grin widens as he nods. "You take the teeth, and Zurk takes the legs. Yummy toasty roasty spidery legses..."
Hearing about Vorka, he waves his hand dismissively. "If Votka not follow Hungry Lady, we may her, or we put her in a pit for Hungry Lady. And we takes her stuff so we can keep doing Hungry Lady's work."
Um has a wonderful idea. If I get some fire and I ties a rag round arrow I can users bonfire before anyone else. Then I big fire goblin and everyone be impressed. Um goes off to steal some fire and a rag.
Stealth
Ziki sits by the fire with her toad, Tubby, half way in her mouth waiting for whenever the others are ready to go. She is growing tired of not beating things up.
Marrowdown bites furiously at... something. It's probably food, though were he got it from will forever remain a mystery. He's moved in somewhat closer to the fire and taken a seat as well, gnashing at the bugs that swoop around his over-sized head.
He's somewhat nervous about the prospect of going through Vorka's territory, though that will never be admitted to anyone. Ever. And eventually he shrugs off the feeling, reasoning that if she's a good gnasher, and he's a good gnasher, then eventually they must gnash each other to see who's the very best gnasher.
Finally, after an afternoon of hard work, the bonfire is finished! All the goblins have gathered around as the sun sets, when a blast of a horn is heard. Looking toward the Chief's hut, you see him coming out on the Teeter Chair, which is being carried by four goblins who look to be struggling. A lot. (His name isn't Gutwad for no reason!)
After much heaving, screams from Slorb, and a near catastrophe that almost sent the Chief sprawling in the dust, the goblins set the chair down by the bonfire. The Chief is about to light the object in his hand aflame when Slorb grabs him and whispers in his ear. Gutwad looks confused, then a tad angry, and then pleased. He motions for Ziki to come over and holds up the item in his hand--a small firework from Scribbleface's stash!
"Licktoads!" the Chief booms. Immediately, one goblin keels over from the shock of hearing such a mighty being's voice. Several others investigate, and one pronounces him dead. Shrugging, the Chief (with an annoyed but amused look on his face) gestures for them to throw the body on the pile, and then continues his speech. "You know we burn down house of traitor Scribbleface! He write, very bad, lose all his words. So we burn! We find shootbangburns that help burn, they big and awesome! But now we find way to get even more shootbangburns, and you know who big and awesome? Licktoad heroes is bigbads! They go to find fireworks, kill anything in way, make Licktoad tribe bestest of all, best even than stupid longshanks!"
At this all the goblins go wild and jump and shout and one of them bites another's head. The Chief gestures for Ziki to light the firework ablaze with her magic, and once she does, he holds it out and it fires into the pile, setting it ablaze. The goblins' excitement only increases at this, and it escalates even further when several warriors roll out the Chief's barrel of fermented cider apples. He encourages all of you to take some and calls you names if you do not--the other goblins join in, as the love of the people is very fickle in goblin villages.
As the night goes on, things only get more and more interesting. Several goblins come up to each of the heroes , who have been pointed out by the Chief and Slorb, as well as the child who called you bigbads. They have vague dares to do something impressive, and won't stop pestering you...