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1: Horse Hate: Goblins excel at riding animals, but they don't quite get horses. In fact, their hatred of all things horse is matched only by their fear of horses, who tend to step on goblins who get too close.
2: Dog Hate: Although goblins raise horrible rat-faced doglike creatures to use as mounts (and ride wolves or worgs if they can get them—goblins are quick to explain that wolves are NOT dogs), their hatred of ordinary dogs nearly matches their hatred of horses. The feeling is mutual, so if your dog's barking at the woodpile for no reason, chances are good he smells a frightened goblin hiding in there somewhere.
3: Goblins Raid Junkyards: Garbage pits, gutters, sewers… anywhere there's garbage, you can bet goblins are nearby. They're weirdly adept at crafting weapons and armor from refuse, and are fond of killing people with what they throw away.
4: Goblins Love to Sing: Unfortunately, as catchy as their lyrics can be, goblin songs tend to be a bit too creepy and disturbing to catch on in mainstream society.
5: They're Sneaky: An excited or angry goblin is a noisy, chattering, toothy menace, but even then, they can drop into an unsettling silence in a heartbeat. This, matched with their diminutive size, makes them unnervingly adept at hiding in places you'd never expect… stacks of firewood, rain barrels, under logs, under chicken coops, in ovens, etc.
6: They're A Little Crazy: The fact that goblins think of things like ovens as good hiding places reveals much about their inability to think plans through to the most likely outcome. That, and they tend to be easily distracted, particularly by shiny things and animals smaller than them that might make good eating.
7: They're Voracious: Given enough supplies, a goblin generally takes nearly a dozen meals a day. Most goblin tribes don't have enough supplies to accommodate such ravenous appetites, which is why the little menaces are so prone to going on raids.
8: They Like Fire: Burning things is one of the great goblin pastimes, although they're generally pretty careful about lighting fires in their own lairs, especially since goblins tend to live in large tangled thistle patches and sleep in beds of dried leaves and grass. But give a goblin a torch and someone else's home and you've got trouble.
9: They Get Stuck Easily: Goblins have wiry frames but wide heads, and live in cramped warrens. Sometimes too cramped.
10: Goblins Believe Paintings and Writing Steal Your Soul: The walls of goblin lairs and ruins of towns goblins have raided are littered with pictures of their enemies. They never draw pictures of goblins, though—that's mean. Writing steals words out of your head. You can't get them back.
Poog ready to light fires ...
HAZA. Mi moster tolds me to join! Hery anz readi!
Fires fun! Yes-yes! We go make lots of fires!
You be goblins of Licktoad tribe. You live deep in Brinestump Marsh, south of hated man-town called Sandpoint. Evil longshanks!
Some goblins tried to burn Sandpoint down. Would have been goblin heroes, but instead are now dead goblins. Goblins not bring enough fire! Goblin what bring not enough fire are stupid!
Yesterday, there was big scandal in tribe! One of goblin was using forbidden arts: goblin was writing! With words! No bigger taboo in tribe, writing is bad luck. Writing steals words from mind, and then goblins can not speak. So tribe branded face of goblin with letter. Now we call him scribbleface, and then we run him out of town. For good measure, we also took his stuff and burned his hut. See? Writing brings very, very bad luck.
This is where story gets interesting. Before burning down hut, the chief (His Mighty Girthness Chief Gutwad of the Licktoad Tribe, He Whose Voices Brings Fright and Bad Weather and Pain to Ears) found weird box. Inside was map - more drawings - and fireworks. Lots of fireworks. Fireworks were good use in burning hut! Made nice 'pop' and 'fizzzz'.
This morning, the chief (His Mighty Girthness Chief... ah, you get it) said there would be feast. Feast to drive out bad luck from scribbleface. Better still, good goblins Reta, Chuffy, Mogmurch and Poog are invited to speak with chief. Chief has important mission. Chief make goblin heroes (or dead) and give goblins chance to become Most Famous Goblins In History of Licktoad Tribe!
The house of Chief Gutwad, His Mighty Girthness is like museum. Licktoad trophies ar everywhere, and also big collection of brine-pickled body of heroically killed super scary monsters (mostly dogs). In middle is Teeter Chair, the great chair () that is seat of Mighty Gutwad. On top of Teeter Chair IS mighty Chief Gutwad (), looking down.
Chief Gutwad so mighty, that words from mouth cause goblins to shrivel and turnips to peel. And milk turn sour. And bad, bad stuff. That why Slorb, only-goblin-what-can-handle-words-of-chief, stands beside chief. Chief whipser in Slorb ear, then Slorb speak words aloud.
This time is special! Gutwad speak directly to goblins! Will goblins survive?
“You all be heroes. Each of you. You are best Licktoads but for me. And maybe but for Slorb. That you aren’t fleeing in terror from mighty sound of my voice is all the proof you should need. Yet soon, all Licktoad goblins will know your might, for I have picked you for a dangerous mission.
“You know about fireworks and map we found in Scribbleface’s hut. Fireworks were fun. But map is more fun. It shows a route to a place near the coast where Scribbleface found fireworks. And it says there are more fireworks there!
“I want them for Licktoads. You all go get them tomorrow. Tonight we have big bonfire to burn bad luck away from you, and we play many games. Much fun. Tomorrow you fetch me fireworks. If you meet men, you make them dead. If you meet dogs, you make them dead. If you meet horses, you make them dead. If you meet Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many, you maybe should run. And if you not find fireworks, you not come back or we feed you to Squealy Nord!”
Chief waves, and tells Slorb to kick goblins out of his house.
Poog will sing until Reta smacks him ...
Poog say Zarongel is the Best
He help burn things and heal the rest
Zarongel's favor makes Poog blessed
and Poog also stab you with knife if you make fun ...
... of how he isn't good at riding animals!
Second Verse Same as the First, a Little Bit Louder and a Little Bit Worse!
I am Poog ... First most holy one of the sacred dog-killing Zarongel, master of Fire and other things.
Reta runs out of Gutwad's hut, excited. She's about to speak when Poog interrupts her with his song. She listens for a bit, then grows bored and slaps him in the shoulder.
"My turn! Reta Bigbad, 'cause I'm Bad and I'll be as Big as Gutwad one day! With a big chair made of DOGS! HAHAAH" Reta grabs her bow and pretends to fire a few times, yelling "POW! BOOM! All the fizzes for us!"
"HAZAAA!! I be Chuffy! I stab dogs, I stab horses, I stab men! I stab everyone! Shink-shink and they die-die! Yes-yes!" He grabs his dogslicer and jumps into, what he thinks, is a fearsome battle stance with his arms widely spread and at that time one of the pimples on his face pops, spreading purulence all around.
Let us go! There soon be fire! Fire is fun, yes-yes!
"OOOH OOOOH! Mai be Mogmurch! BOOOM, I sai. Bounce bounce every wheri fum to be made!"
"LOOOKI! It want boom TO!"
"Me still workin n it. Don't worry thu I gota munch more!"
The marsh is a place of great bounty, with lots of places to hide and lots of delicious things to eat. Some of those things are kind of poisonous, though, so take care. One of the best things about the marsh is that the humans don’t normally come into it. They’re afraid of the monsters. Which are a concern, but if you know about them before they find out about you, running is always an option. Among the dangers that you can expect to face in the portion of Brinestump Marsh that you’ll be heading through are wild dogs, giant bugs, giant snakes, and giant frogs. Oh, and Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many. And maybe Vorka.
Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many: There are plenty of giant bugs in the swamp, but of late, the giant spider known as Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many (known more often simply as “Lotslegs,”) is the most notorious. The giant spider lives somewhere in the marsh between the Licktoad village and the coast, and the route that Scribbleface’s map shows leads right through the giant spider’s territory.
Vorka: One of the greatest terrors of the swamp, at least to the Licktoads, is old Vorka, a ravenous cannibal goblin who, legend tells, was once the wife of a Licktoad chieftain. She murdered and ate that chieftain, as well as several other goblins, before she was driven out of town many years ago. Since then, the story says that she’s lived alone somewhere along the coast to the west of Licktoad village, and while she’s never returned, most goblins who go missing in that part of the swamp are assumed to have been eaten by the cannibal.
Map of Scribbleface show goblin village, and old shipwreck on coast. And nice line drawn in between. Fireworks are in shipwreck.
But first: feast! party! sing! games!
Chief gut wad is carried out of Teeter chair by strong goblin, and put next to bonfire made of branches, sticks and scribble face's hut. Chief lights bonfire with big firecracker what goes boom and fizz!
Now is time for games! First game is 'dance with squeaky Nord' Squealy Nord is fearsome boar what lives in muddy pit in middle of village. Goblin must ride squeaky nord.
"Ahah! Fun-fun for me! I go first! I go dance with Sqyealy Nord! Yes-yes!"
Chuffy quickly runs and jumps on the boars back!
"Eeee-haaaa!!! I is good rider! Easy is, yes-yes!"
{untrained}
Poog is not so eager to ride and will put it off as long as he can ...
Stupid Squeaky ... Poog ride NOW! Angrily Poog tries again.
Reta snorts and hops on Squealy Nord.
Wahaa! Squealy Nord is like a wolf! Like my wolf! Yaa!
Reta has no trouble riding Squealy Nord. She even pulls off a few tricks on it.
Reta's the best rider!
Chuffy really good at riding squealy. Reta even better. Crowd cheers goblins, but look very disappointed when Chuffy and Reta not get bad trampling and bruises from falling off. Crowd like Poog much better: Poog fall off almost immediately! Poog fall on floor in dirty mud, and all goblins can see that Poog not good at riding! Hahaha!
Chief call Reta and Chuffy and say: [b]You good riders! You dance well! You get Dragon Brew Gourd for adventure! .
Poog fall on purpose ... Poog know how to ride if he want to! Who want bacon for breakfast?
Next challenge is Eat Big Bag of Slugs Real Quick!
Big slugs, and black and disgusting, and a bag full of them. Each bag has five slugs. Each goblin has one minute. Slugs black and disgusting, and poisonous. So you must spit out poisonous part, but eat rest. And no puking!
Reta grabs a bag of slugs. "Okay Reta- stinky!" Reta closes her eyes and concentrates. She perks up, opens the bag and reaches in. "Like tiny horses!"
Round 1 "1!"
Round 2 "2!"
Round 3 "Umm, 3!"
Round 4 Reta coughs the slug back up. "Mmm! No horse kicking me!"
Round 5 "That's 4!"
Round 6 "All 5!" Reta coughs as she flips the bag inside out to prove she ate them all. She then flips it back when she notices the slime dripping out of the bag.
Mmm! Disgusting tasty slugs? Let see how that tastes
"Bah! Disgusting! Or..." he spits out the slug and then throws it in his mouth again.
"Is disgusting! yes-yes!" he spits it out again and takes another one
"Mm! This delicious" He swallows the first one.
"Mmmm! More delicious! Yes-yes!" Another slug one goes inside Chuffy.
"Bah! no good!"
"Eww! Still no good!"
Chuffy tries to eat one slug, but he just cannot swallow it.
"Bah! No good, but is inside me now."
He eats one more but he cannot make it in time.
"Leaving food - no good! I eat all!" he says and tries to swallow the last slug.
And after some time he actually manages to eat it.
"There! I eat all!"
Poog dumps all 5 slugs into his mouth at once ...
... and immediately spits one out Blaagh! No good!
... swallows one (1)
... coughs up another one Aaack ... that one tickled!
... swallows two (2)
... swallows three (3)
That not so bad. Try last 2 again ...
... Blaagh! Still No good! Poog rubs it on his lucky shirt ...
... and swallows # four (4)
... the last one still tickles, so Poog spits it up into the air and catches it in his mouth again for another try.
... Poog like that trick ... does it again.
... and swallows the last slug(5) just in time.
Big Belch ... and Poog is looking pretty pleased with himself; until he finds out that Reta did it faster.
ME WANT PIG! Mog jumps on the pig with out any preparation holding on to its stomach.
geeeeeeeeee sadly he fell flat on his face being dragged along holding on to only a single leg
though he was being dragged around in the dirt struggling to get back on there was no harm done as mog twisted and turned himself
Now Mog, having been delayed by his marry-go-round with the pig, runs over to the last bag left for him. Out of breath he takes off the skull helm and dumps the slugs in it. Grabbing one mog chucks it into the air in order to eat it. Lands perfectly and the poison seemed to just shoot out before anything else.
Easy easy. I eat it all. Next one now.
The poison didn't quite go the way he wanted. Spitting it out mog wipes his mouth and looks around to make sure no one saw.
second time the slug was downed yet again though wasn't very pleasant. gu *spits* That one wa easy to.
No problem here
Mog gets full of himself and ends up failing again. He looks again to make sure and then picks up the slug.
WHY U NO GOOD mog grows irritated.
Another disaster.
Was close but he didn't get it all. spitting it out mog furiously through it back into his mouth. I'll eat you! Hahaha *chews a bit* bleeeee! You oby me we litte slug.
on the final time mog downs the fourth one.
just barely not throwing up. Mog took the 5th one silently and downed it to. He showed the bag and grinned wide. I got it. Got it!. He hits his chest in a sign of proudness.
Goblins cheer as Mogmurch make good show! That what goblins want to see!
Goblins really impressed with Reta, who eats bag of slugs REAL quick. Mormurch and Poog do good as well, but goblins jeer at Chuffy: Chuffy too careful! Chuffy should have eaten slugs whole, would have been faster!
It's clear that Reta is hero of this challenge. Chief calls Reta forward and says You best Glutton, you get Gorge of Gluttons! But only for this trip! It chief special weapon!
----
Next game is Hide or Get Clubbed!
You go into march and make yourself hidden real good (). The goblins seek, and if they find, you get clubbed. With a stick. What hurt.
"Ahah! Me good hider, yes-yes! Noone finds me!"
Chuffy runs off to the marsh and dissapears there.
Poog runs off into the marsh as well, still grumbling about not getting anything for eating all those disgusting slugs ...
Reta cheers and bounces up and down "Special! Cuts up horses good! Maybe Chuffy will like more and stab?"
Before Reta can figure out what to do with it, the Chief announces Hide or Get Clubbed. "Oh, can't get clubbed! Me hide real good!"
Reta finds a hollowed out log that is half submerged in a stream. A large one, so her head doesn't get stuck and Chief has to pull her out while the village laughs again. Reta slowly crawls backwards into it and looks out of the log. "No clubbing for me" Reta giggles.
Bah. me? hide? I'd rathar boom thins that I'd hid in. grumbling a bit mogmurch walks towards the swamp.
He falls by stubbing his foot on a log and rolls down a hill. After the rolling stops he gets up disorientated. Looking around he drops his skeleton helm onto a pile of twigs the size of a goblin. When mogs vision clears he sees a hole near the swamp. I fit perfecy in that! Mog snuggles tightly into the hole. When the crowd searches they look in the twig pile and pass right by the hole near the swamp in which if it was any closer it'd be filled with water.
No one fin mog now. hehehehehe mogs self-talking alerted a single villager who starts to look around even more in his area.
Poog
Reta
Mog
Many goblins search, but nobody find Chuffy. Reta is in hollow log, and is good hiding, but bad for seeing. She feels >thunk< as she gets hit on head
Mogmurch feels safe in hole, but goblin recognise mob from weird hat, and club him
Poog last long time, but goblins search and search. Finally, one goblins spot Poog, and give Poog good smacking
Chuffy clear winner! Chief impressed by Chuffy and say You is good hider! For travel, you may use chief's own Ring That Lets You Climb Real Good!
----
One game remains! It: the rusty arbiter. It long coil of metal wire and dangerous spike and sharp ends, what goblins must wiggle through. It dangerous! It cost many goblin a piece of ear! It even now has two parts of goblin ear inside!
With no way out of the log, Reta receives a clubbing. "Ah, my head!" Reta yells as she gets clubbed.
Current HP: 12
"Reta don't like squeezing," she mutters as she enters the arbiter."But I must win big or go home!"
"Oh, this will be easy!" Reta jinxes herself as she climbs 1/3 of the way through.
Reta almost cuts her hand on a wire and pulls back.
The same wire!
"ARGH"Frustrated, Reta forces her way through.
The wire stings Reta's arm
Reta simply snaps the wire, yips at it, and keeps climbing.
Another sharp wire snags Reta's mouth. Reta resists the urge to yell at this dog-blessed wire.
She gently pushes it out of the way and pops out the other end.
"Did I win? An exhausted Reta gasps.
Chuffy tries to squeeze, but gets stuck. He then backs up and gives it another try. Fail again. The goblin gets a bit angry, grumbles something under his nose and then goes for a third try. Looks like he got the idea on how to move through and easily passes the challenge.
"There! I go through! No scratch! Is good, yes-yes!"
Poog rubs his head from the recent clubbing.
"Poog no play this game", he huffs and sits down with the other Goblins to jeer and cheer.
Mog thinks a bit. He looks at the coil and chucks a bomb up into the air catching it on its down fall. Me thinks me can do it
Shifting through mog scoffs
With the scoff he didn't pay attention to a prick until last second.
The second prick skimmed
After arguing with a barb he continues right into another one. this one ended up hurting.
Started to Argue with that barb that hurt him.
Finally got out but bursting with anger. They give no respect. Those pointy things.
Current hp: 10-4NL
Reta measures the opening and realizes her head is too big to fit. Throwing her hands up she yells "Bah!" and skips this contest.
Chuffy move through with ease. Chufft escape master! Mogmurch try as well, and moves quickly until... head... is... stuck... Mog much wiggles long time, and goblins jeer and say boo! and throw little rocks at Moggy. Finally, mogmurch break free. That good, because goblins already went home.
Chief call Chuffy and: Chuffy most quick of the escapers. Of those that dared! Chuffy gets chief's Personal Very Useful Robe That Is Useful to use for his adventure. No making mud stains!
It night now, and all dares are over. Goblins take good rest ()
Next day, into the Brinstump! Goblins march and march along the line on Scribbleface map. It dark, it quiet, it far from home (at least an hour!), an fit the place of Lotsless eat Goblins Babies Many. But that just a tale, right? Right?!
No. it not tale. It many legs, and it jump straight down from woods!
It throw web at Reta and Reta completely stuck in it!
---
Reta
Mogmurch
Poog
Chuffy
---
Spider
---
[occ]Speaking out of sequence[/occ]
Wait ... Poog try to talk to Lotslegs
On Poogs initiative, Poog will use his Speak with Animals ability to talk with Lotslegs ...
Wait ... why do you attack us?
Goblinsss. Tassstyyy. Essspeciallyy... goblinsss with frogsss...
Can Poog convince you not try an eat us? We no taste as good as others. We very tough ... and we no wash yet.
Reta spends most of the walk grumbling about how she will catch a wolf someday and train it to ride and run down dogs and trip horses. Reta feels good and thinks today will be a great day!
Then a spider jumps down and sprays webbing all over Reta, since she's the loudest.
"Lotsless eat Goblins Babies Many! Oh, sticky!" Reta blurts out right before she's covered in webbing.
Reta flails in anger and manages to wiggle out of the web. She heads into melee, pulling out her Gorge of Gluttons. "Fall like dog!" Reta yelps.
Yesss, you sssmelll. Sssmell baaad. But goblin with big head looks tassstiessst... lotssslegsss will eat that one firsssst
Reta frees herself from web, and make run forward to slice spider with dog slicer. It also spider slicer!
---
Reta
Mogmurch
Poog
Chuffy
---
Spider
---
Poog very sad. We kill you now.
"Baah! Me stab lotslegs! Me become hero, yes-yes!"
Chuffy moves to the creature a bit from the side and stabs it with his dogslicer.
Mog jumps back in surprise. Spiders! Me hate them! As fast has mogs little arms could go
he draws a bomb and throws it. Bounding back on his but as he did so.
His bomb soars:
It looked like a hit into the face of the spider.
Dc=12 Haza za! Take that lo... los... eg..! blackie! Mog does a little jig in a circle thinking he hit well as the bomb did explode immensely.
Reta move up to spider, and Mogmurch throws a bomb! Spider gets hit, but Reta also caught in blast ().
Poog throws javelin, and it stick in belly of spider.
Spider mad! Spider really mad! That hurtssss. I will kill you ssslowlyyy
Spider tries to bite Reta, but miss...
---
Reta
Mogmurch
Poog
Chuffy
---
Spider (9)
---
Reta stares at the shiny bomb before realizing it's about to explode in her face. She quickly ducks and avoids some of the debris. "Lostlegs go Boom soon! Haha!"
Reta swings wildly with her Gorge of Gluttons, hoping to lose one of Lostlegs's legs.
Poog does a silly dance after seeing his javelin strike true, then draws Dog Slicer and prepares to charge next round.
Chuffy steps further and now he is at the side of Lotslegs.
Chuffy is smiling, Chuffy is determined.
I surround Lotslegs. I stab-stab! are Chuffys thoughts.