Chapter 1: It Came From the Sea and Ate the Chief
Times were bad for the Gullchoker tribe. First the trash had dried up, leaving pickings at the Long Shanks dump slim to none. Bountiful findings of shiny metal and half-eaten steaks had dwindled to nearly nothing after the hurricane struck and washed most of the inhabitants of Cursed Island out to sea. Then the sea had failed to vomit forth any swollen succulent Long Shank corpses for the inevitable post-hurricane meal.
Then the sea had delivered: a 24 foot Jigsaw Shark corpse, huge and smelling of fishy fish smells! The entire tribe had gathered around it for the ceremonial First Biting of the Big Eats by Chief Lumphead the Greatest. The Chief had just delivered a fiery speech extolling the virtues of his great Lumpy Head, and of the wonders which his Lumpy Head had wrought, which included Persuading the Sea to Vomit Forth Dinner. He had just finished talking and stretched his Lumpy Head to take a bite of Dinner when Dinner suddenly convulsed back to life and swallowed Chief Lumphead in one toothy bite. Well, everything except his lumpy left foot, which was left unceremoniously on the beach. The now revived meal proceeded to smash three members of the tribe as it splashed back into the water, now having tasted Goblin flesh and gained an appreciation for it.
Then Mogfort the Greedy grabbed up the Left Foot of the Chief and proclaimed himself the New Chief with two Left Feet and a Right One, too. This was disputed by Arggie the Fat, who was soon defeated soundly by the Magic Left Foot, which was quite vicious when wielded as a weapon.
The rule of Mogfort was mercifully short, ending when he was devoured by starfish after proclaiming that he could walk upon the water. Next came Arggie the Fat, who was drowned in the Holy Pickle Vat after getting drunk on fermented coconut milk. Lastly came Big Chief Krokk With Two Left Feet and Most of a Right One. Krokk was a wise ruler who spoke of returning to the Good Old Days, when the food was plentiful and the Long Shanks were stupid. Under his rule, he decreed that the Gullchokers must move from their Cursed Island and find a new home, a new paradise into which they would be accepted with flows of garbage and many fine dogs to kill. So it was that on the Firtty-Firt of Smelly Season that the Gullchoker tribe gathered on the beach to await the Coming of the Miracle, with their Chief.
A great storm was brewing over the seas. Lightning raced through dark clouds and winds howled as stormy gales pummeled the beach. The howling of the goblin children in their cages was matched only by the warchanter's dirge of Paradise Moving song. Suddenly from out of the great grey sea, a ship appeared, huge and rimmed in fire and heading straight toward the beach. As if sent by Lamashtu herself, it came, barreling straight for the Mighty Chief Krokk, who stood with his arms wide to embrace this new miracle which he had wrought.
And then the ship ran aground, grinding Mighty Chief Krokk into a bloody sandy paste on the beach. Thus ended the reign of Big Chief Krokk with Two Left Feet and Mose of a Right One, as well as the end of all three of his feet.
From atop the ship came the howl of Long Shanks, and the screaming of pain. A rope ladder was flung over the side, and down came three Long Shanks, blood streaming from their eyes and foam spilling from their mouths, crying aloud that the heavens were punishing them! They drew short wicked swords and began to attack the poor Gullchokers!
Roll Initiative!
"Bah! Chief Krokk was no true chief! Me show that true pirate need no more that one good foot!"
Buz loads his big blunderbuss with pellets, and waits for the Long Shanks to come close enough to meet a rain of metal scraps in the face.
Initiative:
The plague-ridden Long Shanks howl with pain and delusion as they charge the mass of goblins! Their movements are jerky and strange, their faces gaunt and drawn.
Init:
Still Giggling over the death of Chief Krokk Splurg blurts out:"Kill the bigjobs, we will eat good tonight!"
Init
Initiative:
Buz
Splurg
Long Shanks
Buz, you're up! The Long Shanks come lurching toward you, their eyes wide and feverish, their swords dripping with the blood of your tribe. One points toward you and cries, "That damnable little freak has a gun! Where in the Abyss did he find that?!?"
"You all take boolits up the nose now!" Buz screams as he shoots towards the Long Shanks, actually aiming at the shins. He then takes a step backwards as he struggles with recoil. "Me best shootar!" he says, not even bothering with checking if he hit them or not, as he starts to akwardly reload his weapon.
Attack 1
Attack 2
Attack 3
Still dealing with the giggles..."BANG! You gonna see Spots!" thinking himself clever he continues to giggle.
In a whirling motion that makes it look like he is going to take off Splurg fires a sling bullet at the closest Long Shanks still standing
Attacker 1
dmg
In a blur of motion Spots jumps into the fray.
Bite vs Attacker 1
Claw vs Attacker 1
Claw vs Attacker 1
The lead Long Shanks raises his sword to attack just as the blunderbuss goes off! Through some miracle of fate or possibly due to improper loading, the lead Long Shanks, despite being dead center in front of Buz, is missed entirely by the blast! He lets out a laugh of derision at the goblin in front of him. "Stupid little freak thinks he can fire a gun!" His companions are not so lucky, crying out as they are struck. Long Shanks #2 is grazed, his forehead sprouting bright red blood from a long furrow. Long Shanks #3 goes down, a stupefied expression on his face and a large hole between his eyes.
However, the lead Long Shank's laugh of derision is silenced shortly as a round sling stone strikes him in the shin, hard. "Sonuva! I'm gonna kill ..." His next words dissolve into a fury of shrieks and screams as a furred blur latches onto his face and begins to bite and claw furiously. He goes down, blood flying everywhere.
The last Long Shanks, his head bleeding, screams up at the ship. "Cap'n! We're under attack, sir!" as he lunges forward, swinging his curved blade at Buz!
Attack:
Damage:
His sword whizzes over the goblin gunslinger's head, his movements clearly inarticulate.
From atop the ship's deck, a grinding noise is heard, followed by a loud TWANG, then a quick THUMP. Every pair of goblin eyes looks up to see a stone the size of a Long Shank's chest come flying from the ship. It seems to pause overhead for just a moment, blocking the rain for a brief second before landing with a solid BOOM in the midst of a cluster of goblins.
Round TWO: GO!
''Dat sum big boolit!" says Buz rather enthusiastically at the sight of the flying rock. He seems completely unaware that an armed enemy is attacking him, and keeps reloading his weapon with a relaxed look on his face.
For the most part, Shriga has spent the evening contentedly mumbling to herself and observing the deliciously violent storm. When the wooden wall smears Chief Krokk into the sand, she takes several seconds to react.
Shriga's head tilts to the left as she eyes this new development. The heavy weight of the fetish strapped to her scalp drags her a few steps that direction. She compensates by cocking her head to the right to get a better view, with predictable results. Finally, one finger goes out to touch the red smear on the ship's keel, which Shriga studies, cross-eyed.
The mumbling stops.
"Blee?"
Shriga takes stock of what's going on! Lots of fresh meat on the beach tonight! And then there's the one flailing away at Buz while the other goblin does weird things with his bizarre smoke-pole.
(Initiative!)
The not-The-Priestess's eyes light up, she throws up her bony arms in a flailing display of fish-hooks and decaying gull-wings and pronounces STORMY JUDGEMENT.
(Surge (p.94 of APG), cast as Bull Rush, attempting to knock the Longshanks away!)
(against defenders CMD)
Splurg giggling at the misfortune of the pirates comrades wades in his with Club... "So you think you can squash and not get squashed???? We show you
dmg
Spots claws into the last attacker he can see
bite
claw
claw
Greblak steps forward out of the crowd of gobbers. This was his time for glory! This was his chance to show his tribe how mighty he was!
Greblak burn!
Initiative
Ray of frost(bloodline arcana change this to ray of fire) targeting the closet longshanks.
ranged touch attack
damage
Between being knocked to the ground by a sudden surge of water, set afire by a goblin with a fire fetish and mauled by a wild cat, the last human goes down in a flurry of screaming and blood.
Suddenly the beach is quiet, save for the wind and occasional far-off thunder and a strange persistent cranking sound coming from the deck of the ship far above. A rope ladder hangs down, but it's forgotten as most of the tribe leaps forward to take advantage of the sudden fresh meat on the beach, some of it already cooking...
"To the ship make the squisher squishest!"
"AH! Told all of ya! Me bestest goblin pirate. Yarr!" says Buz, in his right mind convinced that he somehow defeated all the enemies, whether with bullets or becaused he scared them sensless. "No time for meat now! Loot first, eat after first" says, as he points his loaded gun towards the ship and starts to go there.
"Meats iz furry dinner; but dat ship gotta have me some BOOZIN! Dem Longshanks so big; gotta be having da gut food uppin der toos"
<runs for the rope ladder>
"oooh; <big eyes> maybe longshanks timberships be having some CHEESE, Whosi LOVES CHEESE!"
"Cheez? Cheez in ship! Gettit! Gettit!" The cry arises like a call to arms for the goblin tribe as they all head for the rope ladders, some trailing goblin cages as the little blighters grab onto passing bodies to join in the cheese frenzy.
Our Intrepid Heroes reach the top ahead of the throng, in time to see a strange sight. The deck of the ship is littered with bodies, all seeming dead and some long enough dead to be bloated. At the rear of the ship, near a large wooden catapault, stands a man with madness in his eyes.
He's seven feet tall if an inch, wearing a scarlet captain's coat, one leg a peg and with an actual eye patch. His head is bald and tattooed, covered with blue ink that swirls and seems to move in the flashes of lightning. His good eye is red-rimmed and mad, peering at the horde that is now swarming over his ship. He cranks a large wooden crank, the catapult almost fully armed.
Seeing the horde, he stops the crank, a wooden peg preventing it from releasing. He draws a wicked long sword, serrated on one edge and made from some sort of reddish metal.
"Ye want my ship, ye blighters? Then come and taste the fires of Hell! Let's see if you can survive Ol' Cap'n Bloodeye's wrath!"
Round 3: START!
I want to sneak climp on the outside of the ship around to come around behind him
climb
sneak
Buz is glad of what he's seeing. A real pirate, with a peg leg and an eyepatch, just like the ones in the stories! But then he remembers that he's supposed to be intimidating, no swooning, and says:"You gonna be seafood Bludeye! You no match for true pirate, which is me!" as he shoots at the pirate with a single bullet.
New initiative (if we are still with the old one ignore the roll)
Attack and damage
"I nose wuts good for da fire!!!! Giggling through a spell Splurg makes some motions and promptly drops 2 galloons of water on Bloodeye's head...
Spots not liking water or frontal combat trys to fade into the ruckus..
stealth check
"I like my seadog soggy, heps wit da chewin" "I lay claim to dat peg, make a good smasher!
One goblin disappears over the railing of the ship, into the night. Buz fires his bullet toward the grinning captain, but the bullet streaks past him. "I've never met the bullet that could end me life, boyo. Pirate ye may think ye are, but I know what I be! And I'll be your death!"
It would have made for a chilling speech, were it not for the sudden drenching he receives. He splutters as the water soaks his bald head and coat. With an incoherent yowl of rage, he thumps forward, charging toward the druid with sword raised!
Charge!
Damage:
A hit! The serrated sword seems to sing as it tastes the goblin druid's blood, hacking a great chunk of flesh from the druid's shoulder.
Splurg yells "He's got CHEEZ in his pockets I smellz it!!! Get him gud"
<whispers> "come on Karl; weez going to da pockets"
sneak up to enraged pegleg, shadow his movements staying out of sight and try to pick his pocket.
Sneak
Pick Pocket
Am hoping he is distracted; but if he sees me; Whosi will try to smack toes on his good foot with my hammer; be funny to see him hop around on a peg leg hehe.
The lanky form of Shriga clambers over the rail, pirouettes off-balance past one corpse and hops up onto the belly of another that is particularly bloated (and was probably particularly well-fed before that).
Atop this domed perch she pulls herself up to her full meter's height, red eyes nearly on a level with the pirate's own, comes up on tiptoe for that extra two inches to meet his cyclopean gaze, and cackles delightedly. "Shorrtshanks!"
The not-THE-Priestess runs her purple-black tongue along her spiny teeth and stretches, raising her clawed hands on high as if to scratch at the ship's tattered rigging, dragging the half-rotted gull's wings up along with them. She postures against the storm and as the rest of the tribe -- a sea of grinning, gnashing teeth and red eyes -- starts pulling itself up onto deck behind the more aggressive goblins, Shriga caterwauls loudly with the wind.
"Laaaaaady Lastbreath tell'n me bout-chooooo!
Storm's brung'all us such'n a TREAT.
Knowin' hows much'n we needs to EAT.
And yeeeeou...
Greblak thinks he is very smart, staying away from the big pirate man. He edges around the fight, then giggling madly, he casts burning hands at the catapult.
Time to make pretty burnings!
Damage + ignition
Eeeeeheheeeeeheeeee!
Oh; forgot initiative
<whispers> "come on Karl; weez going to da pockets"
sneak up to enraged pegleg, shadow his movements staying out of sight and try to pick his pocket.
Sneak 1d20+16
Pick Pocket 1d20+6Am hoping he is distracted; but if he sees me; Whosi will try to smack toes on his good foot with my hammer; be funny to see him hop around on a peg leg hehe.
:)
Buz looks at the pirate's sorroundings to find anything that could help hit him hard (for example booms or masts that can be smashed on him by cutting the right ropes). Meanwhile he keeps reloading his blunderbuss.
Perception (or Profession: sailor, the modifier's the same) check if necessary:
Splurg ceases giggling after the nasty slash he has taken... he takes a step back and mumbles to himself and his wounds begin to heal.
Spots take this opportunity to attack
bite
claw
claw
to confirm crit
Whosi slips from below the deck railing, reaching out to grab at the Captain's purse. It's so very close, just out of reach, at least until he falls backwards to the railing, a sudden yowling cat attached to him! Whosi is knocked backwards and grabs at the first thing he can see: the Captain's purse. He hangs suspended over the edge of the ship, suddenly very aware of the rocks below, as the purse begins to slip out of the Captain's pocket...
The Mad Captain, in a stroke of luck, manages to wedge the guard of his serrated blade into the cat's mouth, keeping it from biting him. He has very little defense against its claws, however and its right front claw scratches a chunk from his armored coat, opening a long red wound beneath it!
Shriga's song and pronouncment of doom upon the hapless Captain hangs in the air. Will save: He curses and splutters, attempting to get the cat off himself, but shows no sudden urge to flee or admit defeat. However, he does have second thoughts as several things happen at once:
- A horde of goblins, now spreading over his precious ship, turn their beady little eyes at him with visions of cheese lurking in their heads. They surge forward, crawling, hopping, shrieking, to clamber all over the Captain in an effort to tear apart his clothing to find the hidden cheese! Damage:
- Several goblins clamber over the catapult, clearly unaware of its use. Suddenly Greblak, his eyes alight with dreams of arson, conjures flames to burn the catapult. It sets alight, burning slowly due to its wetness, but the rope securing the mostly cranked catapult begins to burn more quickly, having been dried by the act of cranking...
- A lone goblin, Splurg, dances in the background as his grand plans of goblin mobbery come to fruition.
ROUND 4: UH-Oh!
Greblak frantically looks around to see what else he can set on fire. Oooh, the big scary longshanks doesn't look quite as scary now, burn him! From a safe distance of course, that sword is still big big!
Using elemental ray(bloodline power) on the captain
Ranged touch attack:
Damage: fire
Greblak giggles as he basically shoots a ray of fire randomly across the deck. So pretty!
The Long Shanks has fallen back against the railing, with goblins (well, at least one goblin!) and a cat hanging off of him! And here comes the tribe, too. That'll do for DOOOOOM from Shriga's perspective.
Now of course the trick is to be there early while there's still fingers to nibble.
Shriga leaps off the bloated corpse and charges right at the Mad Captain, sickle lifted high for a swipe at his leg.
Twist to lock my legs around the railing....
Acrobatics
ACK! if that fails; Whosi will try to acrobatics to flip/push off the boat and avoid the rocks.
Acrobatics
dive/swim
or maybe i will get lucky and get pulled back up since I am holding the purse....
"HEY, This daint no Cheese!, Where Cheese?"
The Captain, his coat torn and his flesh scratched in numerous places, throws off the cat and staggers forward out of the grasp of the goblin mob. His eyes flashing, he swings at the first clear target he sees: Buz!
Attack:
Damage:
He strikes the reloading goblin, but the deft goblin is able to roll backwards with the blow, taking only a light scratch.
Whosi, hanging precariously from the Captain's purse, attempts to pitch himself over the railing. He fails when the Captain surges forward, the purse dragging him through the railing with a muffled POP as his large head sticks briefly between two bars of the railing. He hangs from the purse, swinging slightly in the air and looking dazed.
Buz dodges backwards, getting a cut for his trouble, but finally loading his blunderbuss! His eyes alight on the mast, held precariously by a single knotted rope.
Greblak launches a ray of flame toward the Captain, but his sudden lunge at Buz leavs him unharmed. The fire strikes on of the goblin mob, starting a cry of "Fire! Fire fire fire fire firefirefirefire!" A sudden counter-chant of begins as Whosi utters his "Where cheese?!?" line, starting an echoing chant of "Where cheese!?!" Suddenly the mob is divided, its loyalties broken between the Fire Liberals and the Cheese Conservatives. Several fistfights break out as the inevitable battle erupts between the True Faith and the Heretics, with each side defining the other as Heretics.
Into this fray charges Shriga, her sickle poised high for the strike! She slips on the wet deck as she charges, and her blow so carefully aimed for the leg comes down on the purse strings still connecting Whosi and his prize to the Captain. With a THUMP, Whosi's momentum continues him into Shriga and both goblins are unceremoniously entangled in each other.
Splurg dances with an evil cackle as the mayhem continues, healing light causing his wounds to close.
The Captain, his eyes already rimmed with madness, has a moment of clarity. "Damnable little freaks! Ye'll be the death of me yet!"
ROUND 5: In Which Things Go Boom
Buz cuts the rope!
Splurg congratulates Buz on his excellent plan
@ Our Mysterious
bite
claw
claw
In the days that come, the tale would be told again and again, becoming wilder and wilder with each telling. The Captain raised his sword to deliver a wicked blow to Buz at the same time as the wildcat sprang at him, hissing and spitting, clawing and biting before launching itself off his chest to land crouched on the ground at his feet. The distraction gave Buz the moment he needed to lash out with the small rusty knife he kept concealed in his sleeve. With a crack, the mainsail's boom came free, swinging down from where it was lashed and flying smack into the chest of the Captain. With a whoosh and a choked cry, the Captain was sent flying backwards to land in a heap on the catapult's basket.
The Captain had just enough time to let out a cry of "Curse yer eyes! I'll have me vengeance!" before the already burning catapult's locking device gave way. Vengeance!!!!" becomes a diminishing cry as the Captain was launched high into the night toward the rocks that littered the beach like teeth. A wet thump ends the cry as the Captain hits the rocks and becomes the latest victim of Cursed Island.
Greblak's charge leads him to fall into the tangled forms of Whosi and Shriga, which leads to a minor melee with the purse as the prize. Unnoticed, the Captain's wicked sword, knocked from his hand as he was flung away by the boom, sinks halfway into deck, a strange red light flowing from it into the ship, almost like sick glowing blood. It disappears into the deck as quick as a wink, leaving behind no evidence of its passage.
The Main Sail swings free and fills with air as the wind whips through the night. With a great heave, the pirate ship pulls itself free of the beach and begins to float out to sea.
If an impartial witness had seen such a sight, he might have been forgiven for wondering how such a thing might have happened, given the unlikely nature of the ordeal. However, as he watched the ship sail past, seemingly with a mind of its own, he would blinked and rubbed his eyes at the next thing he saw: the ship's name, writ large on the hull, blurring and changing in a red mist, from The Victorious to its new name The Accursed. He would have been forgiven for making the sign against evil and for wondering what sort of omen this was...
Chapter Two: Of Leadership and the Challenges Therein
The ship, free of the beach and covered with the bloated dead of its previous crew, is in Goblin hands. What shall happen next?
Splurg bursting into tears... "ARGH!!!! that was my new club"
Eventually Splurg manages to pull it together calling Spots to his side he decides to examine his new home... Evil Grin......
yells the bucaneer wannabe. Uncaring of his wound, he climbs over the crown's nest, trying to figure out where the Captain landed. At the sight of his broken bones over the rocks of the Island, he laughs ecstatically: now the ports and the crews all over the Shackles are going to sing songs of how Dreaded Buz Halfboot singlehandedly defeated a dozen of pirates and a might captain and stole his first ship. He then appoints himself "Pirate Chief of the Gullchoker Sailor", of course without telling the other goblins. Then, he draws his dogslicer and addresses the goblins under him (which of course aren't listening).
he yells, while pointing the dogslicer in a completely random direction.
We can break the ship into pieces depending on who wants to search what first. Your sections are:
- Captain's Quarters
- Crew Quarters
- Hold
Plus, fore and aft locked holds, which will need to be unlocked before you can gain access.
The remainder of the Gullchokers, realizing that this ship has literally sailed, give up their religious warring over the eternal question of Fire or Cheese and begin to sniff around the ship. Crashes and squeals soon permeate the air.
If there is any ale or booze on board, I festively get drunk with it.
"Buz you help Splurg, Splurg help youse. I find magic and make food water gud. Fix your shoulder tomorrow if you no shoot Spots save boozes for me. Letz uz find magic, I able to see it... we get Whosi he open doors... Youse be Captain I be second captain we take Captain Quarterz for our ownz"