KC's Age of Worms

Game Master Kobold Catgirl

"Okay, any chance there was of mentioning to Zeech that we're trying to keep Kyuss from destroying the world? In hopes of getting some slack from his government? Just ended." Eben stares balefully up at the new Spire. "Why he's building it? Kuluth-Mar was old, run down, way out in the middle of nowhere, and encased in a magic shell against Kyuss critters. If he's gonna return to the world, he wants a new home. And looks like Zeech is giving him one."

"Maybe. We still don't have all the facts yet. I wasn't kidding about Zeech trying to become a god himself. If we can figure that out he may still be an ally in the short term; these evil megalomaniac types tend to want any rivals destroyed. Maybe he can help us take down Kyuss and we can then deal with him later."

"Hm. Maybe it's something else to subtly quiz him about at the banquet. I said subtly, Astraden."

"Yeah, that sounds like it'd be more your speed, Eben." Carina rubs the back of her neck. "I'm not exactly one for subtlety--I'd probably just come right out and ask him, were the circumstances different."

"I'm just going to try to keep my foot out of my mouth. And meat in my mouth."

After some consideration, the party moves on to Patchwork for their escort mission babysitters' club youth protection quest.

Afterward, the group journeys to a decidedly different part of town. Farrukh leads Spiny's Six to Alhaster's northeast corner, a seedy area right by the docks where seagulls mingle with street urchins, united against the common enemy of the fishmongers who refuse to yield their catches. The party soon stands before a humble little shop, which is surprisingly clean, considering the neighborhood. A sign above the door reads, in glimmering silver ink, Patchwork.

The party hears the sounds of crashing and clanging from within.

Inside:

Beautiful silvery tapestries and quilts hang from the walls of this cluttered shop. From the ceiling spins a particularly striking garment—a gorgeous, altogether unique robe crafted from gleaming pale silk, clearly the centerpiece of the shop. Nonetheless, the place is a mess. It is simultaneously obvious that the owner of this shop is inordinately skilled and that she has neither time nor money to make the shop even remotely presentable.

[snip]

Ms. Crumm's skin is the same deep bronze as Cuetzpalli's, and her eyes are large and dark. Her black hair is very curly, tied together in a rather elaborate series of braids that seem mostly devised to keep it out of her eyes. She has highly pronounced hips, further accentuated by a large bustle. Her dress is practical and plain, but spun from the same silvery cloth as everything else in her shop.

Ms. Crumm looks slightly harried—several large pins have been stuck into her braids, as if she wasn't exactly sure where to put them, and she has a pair of large bags slung over her shoulders full of cloth and measuring tools. She's been doing cleaning.

The seamstress conducts her measurements rather hurriedly, muttering under her breath in Olman all the while. She doesn't talk much, due to her intense focus, though she does chat a little bit with Cuetzpalli. Cuetzpalli finds that she remembers the Isle of Dread much as he does, and enjoys in particular reminiscing on the great jungles she grew up in. She speaks at length of how she and her clan would hunt down their prey from the treetops, driving terrorbirds into elaborate traps. She cheerfully chatters on about strained negotiations with the "little squirrel demons". She seems quite happy to have someone else around from her homeland to talk to. Cuetzpalli can't quite place it, but something about Ms. Crumm's memories strikes him as just a little bit off-kilter. Not wrong—he doesn't think she's making anything up—but there's a strange sense of deja vu to her accounts. He can't place it, try as he might. It's been a long time since he was on the Isle of Dread.

When the measurements are done, Ms. Crumm leads the party outside, along with her eight worst most problematic children. She hesitates. "Look...I do need this job. You lot came by at just the right time. I've recently been given a chance to expand my operations a little bit, but it's still on the fence, you understand? A big, high-profile project like this could be the key to all of it, so I'm trusting that you won't take advantage of an old jamaa. Just don't...don't lose any of them, okay?"

"Except Laramie," pipes up a dark-eyed ten-year old girl, grinning. Six of the children laugh. Laramie crosses his arms and broods, contemplating a dark revenge. Presumably. Laramie is three years old and does not appear to be talking yet.

Ms. Crumm sighs. "None of that, Buibui. And all of you, good behavior now. Hakuna kuhama!"

"Hakuna kuhama," most of the children chant back, some slightly begrudging.

Ms. Crumm turns to the party. "Just keep them entertained, and try not to let them get at the center of any sort of scene. And...oh, yes. Introductions." She takes a deep breath, preparing to exposit on each of the eight children's life stories, ambitions, and personality quirks, in a deep and highly detailed monologue that, yes, will be featured on the final.

There are two ways we can run this: We can have each PC get about one kid they primarily interact with, sparing y'all from feeling burdened by the task of keeping track of roleplay with a Whole Lot Of Kids, or we can just fade out all but 2-3 of the kids and assume the others behave, and focus on the 2-3 more interesting/troublesome children. Or a mix. Thoughts?

Oh, and by the way, to be clear, this isn't just an excuse to, ahem, "get a scene where Eben is harrowed by forced piggy back rides, snot covered hands, and hair pulling". Relevant stuff is going to happen in this little sidequest.

Farrukh feels strangely connected to the little paranoid kid, and resolves to take him under his wing.

Cuetzpalli takes charge of Quebaki, offering to read his Monster Manual to him. If there are any monsters in the book that the group has fought Cuetzpalli pauses to tell the tale of their battles to Quebaki. He uses lots of sounds effects and hand gestures, acting out story as he goes.

On the way back from the Project:

"Hey, we gotta be subtle this time. How else are we going to get Zalamandra free?"

Outside Patchwork:

"They look delightful, Ms. Crumm," Astraden says.

She kneels down in front of Cuechochea and tries to take the hammer from her. "May I look at this? Wow, it's really got a good heft to it. Where'd you get it from?"

Eben once again takes to the children like an old hat. "Hi, kids!" he says, his eyes smiling at each in turn, but paying special attention to Buibui, maybe because she's the same age as his half-orc fan from Lambere. "Now, if you kids all behave like the young gentlemen and women that I know you are, I think later we'll be able to have a magic show before we have to give you back to your mother!" He holds a large bolt of cloth in front of him by its edges, then lets it droop as he moves his hand underneath it, revealing a large-ish shape that wasn't there before. "It won't be just me either, you'll also get to see Forzamele the singing bow..." A muffled voice from his quiver is heard to say, "Absolutely not." Eben ignores this protest and continues, "And a very special guest appearance by my dragon buddy, Jabber-talky!" He lets the cloth drop, revealing the talking dragon head in his hands, appearing, it would seem, from thin air itself.

taking 10 on Sleight of Hand for 27.

Carina's nervous about being surrounded by so many children. How does Eben make it look so natural? All the kids I've ever been around wanted to throw things at me.

Still, she decides to make the most of things. She settles in with the little boy with the collection of stuffed animals (Chakavu, I think she said his name was) with a little smile. "Would you believe I've befriended two of those creatures you carry around?" She asks, pointing at the dinosaur and the 'owlbear' toys. "Lemme tell you about how I met a really big and cool dinosaur--his name's Spiny..."

Vatz and Farrukh quickly develop something of rapport, Vatz treating Farrukh roughly the way Farrukh might treat a dangerous (but not currently hostile) monster in a dungeon.

Quebaki peers at Cuetzpalli, carefully relinquishing his book of monsters. He particularly enjoys Cuetzpalli's account of the howler they fought back in the Ebon Triad's lair, and gets a little caught up in the accounts.

Cuechochea scowls at Astraden, and seems to briefly consider responding by hitting Astraden with the hammer before relinquishing it. "Buibui made it for me," she says, shifting from foot to foot. "I use it to fix things. And break things. But only when they need to be broken."

As Carina kneels, addressing Chakavu, a stuffed imp hits her in the back of the head. Laramie laughs, rubbing his palms together. But Chakavu seems elated. "Flappers!" he exclaims, retrieving the plush baatezu. "I knew Laramie had it all along." He blinks up at Carina. "You had a pet dinosaur?"

Eben's display of charisma and agility captures the children's atentions. Only Buibui studies Eben's hands intently, clearly trying to spot the trick. She gives a grudging, "Hmph!" when she cannot. The dragon's head attracts their attention instantly, however. Buibui's eyes light up, and she immediately rushes forward, peering at the dragon head in fascination.

"...breaks things when he's upset...asskickers..."

"Jabber-talky has a foul magic mouth!" Buibui says, giggling.

Any plans for what to do with the time? Taking them for a walk around the block? Dungeon delving? Handing out leaflets outside Zeech's palace?

Tanith takes to Utumbo and Wavu, alternating between encouraging their roughhousing and breaking them up when things get too intense.

"There's got to be something good for us to take them to see or do. Maybe a menagerie? What do you kids like to do?" the big Kordite asks his charges.

Astraden gives the hammer back with a smile. "That's a very good philosophy you got there, kid."

Standing up, she says, "We could also take them around to gather information about the Aerie's defenses. The Angels are definitely on the lookout for people fitting our description asking about them, but I don't think we can say the same for these truly harmless children. What do you say, kids? Want to help us plan a heist? Or do you wanna go to a boring old zoo filled with hundreds of wonderful and vicious monsters?"

"Mama says I'm not allowed to hit Blessed Angels with my hammer," Cuechochea replies.

Laramie considers the proposition with a wicked gleam in his eye, no doubt wishing he could personally turn Astraden in. The toddler chews on his hand, deep in thought.

Holding off on a more full reply for now to get some more feedback from the party.

"Maybe some day in the future, kid," Astraden says, patting her on the head. "When you're older."

Carina rubs the back of her head for a moment after she gets hit in the head with a plush imp. Aaaand there it is.

"I did, at one point. It belonged to him--" She hitches a thumb over at Cuetzpalli. "--but he asked me to take care of him for a while. He's one of the nicest, biggest and coolest dinosaurs ever--bigger than a house!"

When Astraden brings up bringing them along to 'case' the Aerie, she flinches. That'll put the kids at risk, won't it?

Eben frowns at Astraden. "We are not taking the children that have been placed in our care and using them as spies. Completely out of the question." He soon gets distracted by Jabber-Talky's speech, though. "Ah. Heh heh heh. Um, yeah, that was a bad word... and nobody has said it in his hearing recently, so gods know why he popped up with it now... are you trying to cause trouble? I always wondered if you knew what you were saying... Well, make note of that, kids. When you say naughty words, you... don't get to go on a pony ride!" Eben snaps his fingers and half a dozen well-groomed ponies of various coat colors (some quite distinctly unnatural, like who ever heard of a pink pony?) appear. He turns to Jabber-Talky again. "You're going to miss out on all the fun, because you have a potty mouth!"

Shadow conjuration to emulate communal mount. DC 20 to affect partial disbelief, but even if they see them as semi-real the kids should still be able to ride them, and they'll last about 3.6 hours.

"Well, I wouldn't use the word spies . . ." Astraden trails off as Eben redirects his attention to the desiccated dragon head.

"Okay, so a pony ride to the Menagerie? Who needs a lift up?"

Scooping up Utumbo and Wavu, Tanith props one on each of his shoulders.

Eben frowns at Astraden. "We are not taking the children that have been placed in our care and using them as spies. Completely out of the question."

"But they're perfect. Nobody really pays attention to kids. That's why they make such good pickpockets."

"On an unrelated note, Vatz, want me to show you something cool?"

"We're supposed to watch them, not use them. I'm with Eben on this one. Menagerie it is!"

Hey, the megagerie was Tanith’s idea!

Sidling up to Carina with his charges on his shoulders, Tanith prods her with an elbow. ”You’ve never mentioned how you feel about kids. What do you think of all this Red?”

"Well..." Carina looks around at the assembled kids and purses her lips. "...I haven't really gotten along well with them growing up. Tiefling and all that."

"So, I don't really know how to interact with them..."

Tanith smirks. ”I meant having kids. With me.”

"...um..." The question is definitely not one Carina expected to hear. Or even consider.

"...I hadn't thought that far ahead. What with this whole 'Age of Worms' thing hanging over our heads and all..." Her cheeks turn a very deep blue.

"But... maybe two?"

Satisfied with the answer, Tanith smirks again and plants a quick kiss before jogging ahead with Utumbo and Wavu. "We'll talk about this more later!"

Astraden gives Carina the ol' eyebrows as she talks to the kids.

"Okay, Cuechochea, keep a hand on the reins at all times, all right? I'm gonna put your brother in front of you, so try and hold him in place with the hammer-hand." She lifts Laramie up to sit in front of Cuechochea on the violet-maned horse.

Tanith takes to Utumbo and Wavu, alternating between encouraging their roughhousing and breaking them up when things get too intense.

"There's got to be something good for us to take them to see or do. Maybe a menagerie? What do you kids like to do?" the big Kordite asks his charges.

"We like to go to the marketplace," says Buibui. "It's cool seeing the magic stores and stuff. Melko says there's a new weaponsmith in town." She crosses her arms. "Also, I'm not a kid."

The talk of the menagerie and heists finds the children equally bemused and disturbed. Vatz frowns, clearly distressed at Astraden's risky proposition of scouting out the haven of Alhaster's secret police. Chakavu and Quebaki, both excited by the stories of Carina and Cuetzpalli, are all for the menagerie—Quebaki enthuses on how they're going to see a "real chimera".

The technicolor equines fill most of the children with delight, but Eben is slightly surprised to notice all of them—but especially Buibui and Vatz—seem to regard the ponies with an almost critical eye. "We can't ride on illusions," Buibui protests, only to trail off in frustrated stuttering as Cuechochea and Laramie are placed aboard the pony express.

Laramie sinks halfway into his pony, forming a strange sort of two-headed purple centaur. He revels in his new horrific form, towering over his other siblings.

The other kids all excitedly agree to ride, though Utumbo and Wavu choose Man over Pony, and cheer as they ride their mighty brawler towards the menagerie. Only Vatz hesitates, glancing up at Farrukh as the slayer offers to show him 'something cool'.

Someone gimme a Knowledge (local) or Diplomacy or the like to find a suitable menagerie.

"Well, a market doesn't sound bad, and it's probably the best place to do information gathering, but what about DANGEROUS BEASTS that could EAT you or turn you into CHARCOAL?"

"Oh yeah, this is going to be awesome!" Cuetzpalli says to Chakavu and Quebaki, hurrying them along.

Carina begins asking around for a good menagerie.

Diplomacy?: 1d20 + 20 ⇒ (15) + 20 = 35

Farrukh takes Vatz off to the side a little bit.

"So, not sure what your story is. But I can't help but notice you're a little jumpy. Thought I might teach you something real quick to help with that."

"I used to have the same issue. Anything I can't see where it's coming from, used to panic me a little bit. So after a bit, friend of my mom's - he was a scout for the village at the time - took me aside kinda like this and...it's kinda hard to explain."

"All right you know how you keep whipping your head around to look at all the noises? You can never quite seem to keep everything in sight? Well, it's never going to really happen. But if you move your head nice and slow, side to side and use the corners like this -" he shows him.

"You can almost keep everybody in view, unless they're right behind you. Makes it way harder for them to spook you. And if they're right behind you, you at least know exactly where they are, since it's the only place you can't see them."

"Don't know if this will help you or not, but it's a good trick to know when you're out in town or something."

"Now, uhh, you want to ride one of Eben's fake ponies?"

"Or I can show you how to pick a lock. That would make you real popular with your siblings I'm sure."

Farrukh seems not to quite have thought through the implications of teaching a five year old how to get into places they shouldn't.

Carina gets into a friendly conversation with an elderly Kettite chymist, who tells her of something like a menagerie. As she wheels her stall to market, she explains—with rather frustrating indirectness that would have stumped a seeker less gifted with words than Carina—what is essentially a pet store. Apparently, even Zeech's people do business with the store from time to time. The establishment contains plenty of unusual creatures to look at, though the chymist's implications, from what Carina can gather, are that the place is usually less a "pet store" and more a "low-key parts supplier and butcher shop". Still, the owner has a decent reputation, and keeps the place clean and the beasts healthy—until their time is up. The place would probably be suitable for a brief visit, especially with a heavily-armed escort.

The name of the establishment is, "The Curious Owlbear".

Meanwhile, Vatz listens carefully to Farrukh's advice, nodding along at the explanation. He's still practicing as the rest of the group heads out.

So, pet store time?

"Just remember kids, we're only here to look."

Eben blinks in surprise at the fact that every single one of the children disbelieved his illusion with ease. Surprise and chagrin, really. "Okay, wow, you guys are... really insightful for your age. But, protip, sometimes you can just ignore the fact that the illusion is an illusion, just tell yourself, 'no, this is real', and then you can ride on top of the pony instead of inside it..."

Eben MacTeague, trying not to be too metagamey when telling the NPCs to voluntarily fail their saving throw since 2018.

To be clear, most of them did voluntarily believe it. They just seemed to be fairly astute about the nature of the enchantments, at least by normal kid standards.

Time got away from me today (running one game and planning to run another tomorrow), and I'm really trying to normalize my sleep patterns a tiny bit, so no post tonight. Tomorrow!

"But honestly, I think riding inside the pony is cooler." Astraden gives a thumbs-up to Laramie.

Carina has some reservations about the place, but considering what sort of environment the children are growing up in already, she surmises that a visit to the Curious Owlbear won't do that much more harm.

"Please make sure to keep your hands to yourselves while we're here."

The exterior of the Curious Owlbear is quite mundane, though the sign outside is quite eye-catching: It depicts an owlbear leaning through a hole in a wall to look out the other side, unaware of the fact that the above the hole hangs a guillotine blade.

"That owl's a goner!" chirps Buibui, leaping off her pink pony and following the adventurers inside.

The large interior could easily be mistaken for a pet shop, actually, aside from two key details: First, there are several bloody knives hanging above the counter, and there is a strong minty smell hanging around the shop.

Second, there is nothing in this room resembling a normal "pet".

Numerous strange creatures are on display, some stuffed, some not. Most distinctive of the stuffed decorations are three hydra heads hanging stuffed over the counter, apparently severed and burned mid-growth, creating a disturbing "two heads overlapping" effect on each. As for live animals, a few immediately catch the party's eye:

There is only one other patron in the store—a very thin figure in dark robes hunches on the other end of the shop, examining a terrarium containing several suspicious-looking stalactites.

"Welcome!" booms a merry voice, and the owner of the shop, Chosk Underpate, pokes his head over the counter. Hosk is a particularly plump halfling wearing a very clean set of clothes. He is washing off a large knife in a basin as he greets the party. "Ah, it's a tour, is it? Well, just don't let them get too close—my darlings bite!"

Astraden takes Cuechochea to see the rust monster. She pulls out an old, beaten copper piece. "Wanna throw this in there and see if it wants to eat it? Keep your hammer behind you, though."

Astraden would be One Of Those parents.

Tanith stares the aquatic critters down, trying hard to recall when he saw their like before. "Why do you look so upset?"

While he ponders, he lowers his charges to the ground so they can join their siblings.

Cuetzpalli thinks about how weird it would be to grow up under the rule of Zeech. He doesn't know a lot of monster lore, so he just makes sure that Quebaki doesn't touch anything. "Are any of these in your book, Que?"

"Hello!" Eben responds cheerily to the proprietor, looking around with as much a sense of astonishment as any of the children. His eyes linger on the suspended landshark cage. "So... this really is an, ah, shall we say, epicurean establishment? Poeple eat these?" He points over towards the rust monster, currently being 'petting-zooed' by Astraden. "That can't taste good. Or be healthy for you, with a metal based diet..."

"...or be healthy for you, with a metal based diet..."

"I'll wager there's at least a few 'new age' health nuts who'll claim that rust monsters are rich in iron. Good for growing boys."

"Of course, I'd agree that their meat probably wouldn't taste very good..."

"Why not? It looks just like a crayfish," Astraden says. "You ever eaten crayfish before, kids? Maybe we should try fishing the lake. You know, they say that no one knows how deep the lake really is . . ."

"Kind of a small collection, honestly. I was expecting something more."

"What's this thing?" Farrukh asks, pointing at the "hulking beast".

Eben wrote:

"...or be healthy for you, with a metal based diet..."

"I'll wager there's at least a few 'new age' health nuts who'll claim that rust monsters are rich in iron. Good for growing boys."

"Of course, I'd agree that their meat probably wouldn't taste very good..."

Astraden stands up straight. "I didn't really register that before, Carina. But did you just say that 'New Age' people like eating iron? I'd really have though that they'd prefer like, the flesh of sapient beings."

"You'd be surprised, Astraden." Carina replies without blinking an eye. "Mom and I have had to treat some weird people."

"Kind of a small collection, honestly. I was expecting something more."

I'll point out that there are far more than four creatures—I said those are just four that stood out.