Astraden takes Cuechochea to see the rust monster. She pulls out an old, beaten copper piece. "Wanna throw this in there and see if it wants to eat it? Keep your hammer behind you, though."
Cuechochea examines the coin critically, then tosses it in. The rust monster skitters over, squeaking hoarsely—rather like an old rocking chair, actually—and examines the coin criticlaly. Its antennae shoot out, rusting the coin within seconds, and its mandibles gobble the rusty metal up. It lets out a satisfied chair-squeak.
Cuetzpalli thinks about how weird it would be to grow up under the rule of Zeech. He doesn't know a lot of monster lore, so he just makes sure that Quebaki doesn't touch anything. "Are any of these in your book, Que?"
Quebeki nods excitedly. "That!" he exclaims, pointing at the hulking beast Farrukh asked about. "That's a grender!" He opens the book to a page, and a large, colorful pop-up replica of the caged beast emerges—labeled "grey render". "And that's a goblin snake! And that's an ankheg! And that's a bullet! And that's a rust monster! And that..."
He keeps going like this for the entire visit.
The kids are clearly really enjoying this visit, rushing about to examine the various creatures. The adventurers are largely kept busy just keeping them from engaging in dangerous activities like sticking their arms into cages to pet the cuter aberrations, throwing everything metal within reach into the rust monster's pen, and using Laramie as live bait to get the bulette to come closer.
The proprietor returns Eben's cheery demeanor with a little wave. "Good day to you! Another bright day in paradise, no?" He nods as Eben asks about the nature of the establishment. "Oh, yes. I happen to be a bit of a, ah, culinary wizard, yes! Behirs, blink dogs, sea cats, centaurs—you'd best, ah, see what I'm cooking up for Prince Zeech's feast!" He gestures to a large portrait of the prince hanging over the counter.
"As for the, ah, nutritional value..." The halfling laughs. "The rust monster is really only a problem with, ah, regards to the tail and antennae. Yes. The muscle is mostly fine, no?"
"I'll wager there's at least a few 'new age' health nuts who'll claim that rust monsters are rich in iron."
"Ah, no. Little traffic from the survivalists, no, they usually just buy hardtack and holy water." Chosk Underpate winks at Carina. "You know those Age of Worms nuts, no? Everyone's always saying it's the end of the world. Said it after Prince Zeech converted, too! Yes. It's very silly."
The hooded figure shoulders past Eben, who catches a brief glimpse of the man's face—a tall, pale, weaselly-looking man. A whiff of lavender hits Eben's nose as the man goes up to the counter, depositing several items and mumbling to the butcher. Chosk turns away from Eben to focus on the orders.
Cuechochea examines the coin critically, then tosses it in. The rust monster skitters over, squeaking hoarsely—rather like an old rocking chair, actually—and examines the coin critically. Its antennae shoot out, rusting the coin within seconds, and its mandibles gobble the rusty metal up. It lets out a satisfied chair-squeak.
"...y'know, that's kinda adorable. When it's not trying to eat YOUR stuff, that is."
"Ah, no. Little traffic from the survivalists, no, they usually just buy hardtack and holy water." Chosk Underpate winks at Carina. "You know those Age of Worms nuts, no? Everyone's always saying it's the end of the world. Said it after Prince Zeech converted, too! Yes. It's very silly."
"Especially when it's not going to be such."
Hmm. This gentleman seems to be in a hurry. Carina gives the hooded man the barest of glances. We should probably just let him go about his day.
Astraden manages to wrest Cuechochea away from an irate chupacabra before the goat-sucker gets a bop on the nose. She surveys the rest of the party struggling to look after their charges - then notices Wavu holding Laramie over the bulette cage again. After she gets the child out of harm's way, she passes Wavu back to Tanith, and notices Cuechochea back at the norker cage again. "Oh for the love of Olidammara - This was a . We should come here again some time."
"Hey, whatcha buying, bub? Mind if I ask your name?" Astraden says, leaning her head in between Chosk and the stranger.
Farrukh is too busy looking over the bulette to give the man much thought.
"You know, I've never actually seen one of these before. I hear people actually make armor out of them sometimes. You ever get anybody in here that just wants the hide and not the meat?" he asks the shopkeeper.
Eben notes the hooded individual's reaction to both Astraden and Carina, but seeing as Astraden is already on it, lets it slide for the moment in lieu of something else that he feels needs his attention.
"Excuse me," He replies, politely, to Chosk. "Did you say, 'centaur'? As in, you've sold centaur meat? We're not talking about something different when we use the word 'centaur', are we? Because last I checked, those are people."
"So are Blink Dogs, by the way."
Astraden manages to wrest Cuechochea away from an irate chupacabra before the goat-sucker gets a bop on the nose. She surveys the rest of the party struggling to look after their charges - then notices Wavu holding Laramie over the bulette cage again. After she gets the child out of harm's way, she passes Wavu back to Tanith, and notices Cuechochea back at the norker cage again. "Oh for the love of Olidammara - This was a . We should come here again some time."
"Hey, whatcha buying, bub? Mind if I ask your name?" Astraden says, leaning her head in between Chosk and the stranger.
The hooded stranger drops a pouch of clinking metal on the counter and practically shovels his purchases—a large severed eyestalk, a vial containing misty-yellowish fluid, and a small, squishy watertight bag—into his satchel, hurrying for the door. "Terribly sorry," he rasps. "Places to be."
He is, as Eben saw, a pallid and weaselly sort of man, with a scruffy goatee, dark, beady eyes, and a widow's peak sharp enough to cut. His jawline is sharp, his nose crooked, as if someone hit him very hard there some time ago. Examining him closer, Astraden notices something else: His eyes flicker red for a brief instant when she locks gazes with him. This man is not living.
She recognizes him instantly.
This man is, or was, Filge.
"You ever get anybody in here that just wants the hide and not the meat?"
"Oh, sure." Chosk nods eagerly, gesturing at the departing figure. "Like, that guy? Comes in every week or so to buy things like eyeballs and viscera. I've got a gnome lady came by just yesterday to reserve the gray render's skin, when I do end up butchering it. Don't ask me what anyone would want with that." He shrugs, chuckling. "I don't judge."
"Because last I checked, those are people."
"Like I said." He winks, his voice lowering slightly so the kids don't overhear. "I don't judge. And I haven't heard many complaints since I acquired His Royal Highness's patronage."
Astraden's eyes focus on the bag of coins for a moment, and she steps backwards without looking, apparently accidentally getting the stranger's way, and then steps in the stranger's path again for an almost implausible number of droitwiches when they shift back. "Sorry! Sorry!" She smiles ruefully as the scene plays out, saying "I wish there was some sort of magic for resolving situations like these. Maybe something a street magician could help with, like a divination of some sort?" When the stranger isn't looking at her face, she locks eyes with Eben.
'S fine," the man mutters. "I gotta go."
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Eben kind of inaudibly groans as Astraden requests he 'perform' for the hooded fellow, but obliges nonetheless.
"Whoah, there, Astraden! Watch out!" he says, stepping around and grasping her firmly by one arm, in response to her 'tripping'. Doing so causes him to ever so lightly brush up against the other man with his body, and his free hand does its thing. "You don't want to fall around here, you might go into a cage and never come out!"
Eben slips a small box—about the size of a ring case—from the man's pocket. The man is too occupied to notice, bustling out the door.
Eben gives a slow count to ten after the man runs out the exit before he bends over and pretends to 'find' something on the ground. "Oh. Hey. Look." He says, not even straining to sound authentic, "That guy dropped something. Gosh, Astraden, I hope you can use it to locate him again so we can return his property." Out of curiosity (and since he was the one that did the hard work in this case) he slips the top of the box open to see what's inside before handing it along.
"Wow, what a terrible stroke of luck!" Astraden takes the box and glances inside it, not really caring about the contents. "I'll be sure to locate him at the earliest opportunity." She slips the box into a pocket and yanks Cuechochea away from the bars just as the norker rushes the child with a shiv. "Stop that, both of you!"
When the shopkeeper's attention is on something else, she explains to Eben, "That was Filge. You may never have had the pleasure of meeting him in Diamond Lake, but he was always right in the thick of the Kyuss worm stuff. And he's undead, now, and buying body parts at a store for cannibals. So, up to worse than his old tricks."
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"Not in Diamond Lake, no, but I met him in Greyhawk." Eben replies, equally low-voiced.
"Oh, yeah, that's the guy in the doppelganger lair that Zyrxog ate the brains out of? Never met him there, either, though my good friend Ixiaxian got to do so for me. Though you were dead at the time, too, I think, so I guess you weren't part of that meeting either."
"Is it really worse than his old tricks? He was always a necromancer."
"Also didn't we catch word he'd run across Moreto a while back? He might report back to that guy if we don't catch up to him soon."
"Not in Diamond Lake, no, but I met him in Greyhawk." Eben replies, equally low-voiced.
"Oh, yeah, that's the guy in the doppelganger lair that Zyrxog ate the brains out of? Never met him there, either, though my good friend Ixiaxian got to do so for me. Though you were dead at the time, too, I think, so I guess you weren't part of that meeting either."
"Oh, yeah, you were a doppelganger when I died, too!" Astraden says, then realizes that's sort of a weird thing to say around children.
"But I didn't remember that Filge'd run into Moreto. That's even worse." Astraden grimaces. And brightens up, holding up the box. "But now we've got a way to find him!"
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"Not in Diamond Lake, no, but I met him in Greyhawk." Eben replies, equally low-voiced.
"Not in Diamond Lake, no, but I met him in Greyhawk." Eben replies, equally low-voiced.
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Astraden helps prepare Eben's magic show by shifting some of the Kordite temple's stone floor into an elevated stage covered with terrifying and friendly faces. Afterwards, she gives the children the power to walk on air. And only Tanith the power to catch them.
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Cuetzpalli doesn't try to entertain the children directly. More, he allows them to do whatever they want as long as it isn't destructive or dangerous. He focuses mainly on keeping his eyes peeled for such behavior, and listening to the kids if they want to talk.
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Eben makes sure that it's okay with the various Kordians who actually run the temple that it's being turned into an impromptu entertainment venue for the time being. Once that is aside, he preps himself with a few spells, both to improve his actual ability to perform (cat's grace, eagle's splendor, good hope, and moment of greatness), and a few more to be able to provide himself with abundant 'special effects' while doing his more mundane tricks (prestidigitation, mage hand, and ghost sound). Then he sets in for a good half-hour show making colorful wooden balls appear and disappear at will when they're not floating around in mid-air, card tricks ranging from finding the king or queen in a deck to the king or queen stepping out of the deck and attempting to decapitate Eben on-stage (thanks to some hand-dandy major and minor images.)
Ultimately a theme of sorts becomes apparent, as Eben's show becomes about his using his deep and mysterious magical abilities (disguised as parlour tricks, of course) to seek out a mysterious magical artifact called 'the Glass Wand of Celestina'. Along the way, he encounters and overcomes multiple baleful enemies, such as the quivering voice coming from thing air (performed by Forzamele) that attempts to possess him, a floating head of a dracolich that attempts to steal his voice by repeating words that he says, and a strange poppet, resembling Eben himself, that has been pierced by no less than 20 barbs- clearly an enemy's attempt at harmful sympathetic magic.
With cunning, guile, and the ability to find the seven of hearts no matter where it may lie in a deck, Eben (with the aid of young assistants called up from the audience, one by one, to help him) overcomes all possible enemies, in the end, facing down the demonic (or rather, a dretch-image called up with shadow conjuration) guardian of the Glass Wand of Celestina, and emerging triumphant with the artifact (or rather, lesser rod of quicken spell) in hand, where he proceeds to basically burn off most of the rest of his spells in a grand finale, conjuring up lights, fireworks, and illusory grandeur with abandon.
At the end of the performance, Astraden claps heartily and summons a copper dragon. She orders it to tell the kids "the 13 best possible jokes."
At the end of the performance, Astraden claps heartily and summons a copper dragon. She orders it to tell the kids "the 13 best possible jokes."
[dice=Perform (comedy)]1d20
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Nobody, Because Nobody Likes Him: Laramie, 3: A terrible and wicked child with a heart of malice, Laramie is a toddler. It's not that he does bad things so much as you know he wants to. Has a bit of a speech delay, but understands what other people are saying—especially when it's about him.
Astraden: Cuechochea, 5: A rebellious girl with a hammer. Likes using that hammer. Doesn't matter what on. Knows too much about architecture.
Tanith: Utumbo and Wavu, 5: Highly rambunctious identical twins. These two boys tend to roughhouse a lot.
Cuetzpalli: Quebaki, 5: A quiet boy who stays out of the way and clutches his prized possession, a rather nice pop-up book about dangerous entities of the world entitled "The Monster Manual".
Carina: Chakavu, 5: A boy with a bad overbite and a bad stutter. Chakavu seems to be bringing part of a large collection of stuffed animals with him, including a spider, a dinosaur, and a rather weakly-imagined owlbear that looks more like a very angry turkey.
Farrukh: Vatz, 5: A real worrier, this one. Doesn't seem to trust the group. Keeps leaning over to express his misgivings to Chakavu. Keeps jumping at the slightest noise. He'll make a great adventurer some day.
The children watch Astraden's and Eben's preparations for the show with some bemusement. Buibui mutters something that gives the impression that, in Alhaster, visiting the Kordian temple is roughly a step up from visiting a gambling hall. But they enjoy playing around in the more kid-friendly constructions—apparently, someone in the church really likes monkey bars.
A few Kordians gather to watch as the stage is constructed, and a few faces crinkle with unusually honest mirth as they see the children scampering about in the air. Buibui keeps getting annoyed that the spell isn't working "like fly is supposed to—what is this, some kind of modified levitate?" Laramie immediately attempts to reach the ceiling and break the chandelier. Luckily, Cuetzpalli spots the toddler just in time to warn Tanith.
The aging priest Lanthix Chax himself has shown up to watch, as has Selvinne, and they clearly enjoy Eben's illusory tricks—especially the dracolich head. The children enjoy serving as assistants, and even the terrible Laramie begrudgingly performs his part in good faith. Actually, the church seems to be attracting a few spectators who normally wouldn't be visiting at all—beggars, wanderers, and even a few adventurers who happened to be in the neighborhood. The place is the busiest it's been since the feast.
The Kordians are laughing and applauding as Eben completes his show. The children are laughing and arguing about who was most instrumental to the demon's defeat.
That's about the time Astraden summons a metallic dragon in the middle of the temple of Kord the Dragonslayer.
The human-sized dragon that appears has a remarkably twisted face, almost like a theater mask, and lets out a stream of joyous laughter when she arrives. "Hey, don't worry, all, Syoiphelix the Copper has arrived! Aaaaaaand..."
She stops and looks around, and realizes she is surrounded by angry Kordians. Lanthis's expression is withering. Selvinne is fuming. A few of the younger and more reckless acolytes are growling and flexing. She looks out, and sees the Hextorian banners hanging in the streets outside. The dragon blinks.
She clears her throat. "H-hey, so, uh, so how about those Pholtus worshipers, am I right? Like, what's their deal?"
And the Kordian priests instantly relax and start laughing as Syoiphelix tells the first of her Thirteen Best Jokes (For the Given Audience).
At the end of the day, the children are exhausted—and so is the party, for these eight are quite a handful to take care of. Nonetheless, they're far from inactive. Buibui is essentially interrogating Eben about every spell and trick he used. Vatz seems to have gotten the hang of watching his back as Farrukh recommended, and Quebaki, at Cuetzpalli's instruction, is drawing a crude rendering of an ettercap into his book. Chakavu is still chattering away with Carina about how he wants to get an owlbear, too, when his family is rich and can afford one (he refuses to hear any logic to the contrary), and the two identical siblings won't stop wrassling with Tanith. Cuechochea has refrained from using her hammer on anything so far, and is actually in the middle of demonstrating its "fixing" abilities when the party arrives at Patchwork.
Ms. Crumm can be seen in the window, noticing the party, and then she comes up to the door. "You're back!" she says, looking slightly relieved. "And—oh, Laramie, really."
The group turns to Laramie, who has been carried by Buibui on the way back. Or...what used to be Laramie.
Atop Buibui clings a bloated spider roughly the size of a piglet. It has a humpbacked body, and its many eyes have a curious gleam of intelligence to them. Buibui rolls her eyes as the spider skitters off her back and crawls up to Ms. Crumm, practically shoving its way past her. It lets out a shrill, squeaky hiss as it vanishes from sight.
Ms. Crumm raises an eyebrow. "He must have had a good time. Usually, when he acts out like this, someone gets bitten."
She, and the children, seem almost entirely unfazed by this event.
Carina blinks. "Ah."
I think I've figured out why Mrs. Crumm's tailoring talents came so recommended to us.
"Well, I hope the kids had a good time." She smiles and ruffles Chakavu's hair. "I know we did. Chakavu here really likes owlbears--and they're a lot of work to keep happy."
Cuetzpalli doesn't make much of the revelation that the Crumms are Aranea. "Sure thing, Ms. Crumm. We had tons of fun. Thanks for letting us hang out with them."
She smiles. "Your outfits are just about done. I'll be making some adjustments until the banquet, and they still need to, ah, settle, but I think the nobles at the banquet will be pleased with what I made—ah, with what you're wearing."
The tailor calls her children back in—they're reluctant, but tired enough to go along with it. A few wave at the party, and Utumbo and Wavu yell out, "BYE, TANTH!" (they still haven't got the pronunciation quite right)
The party has the chance to briefly examine the clothes, but they are still curiously sticky and malleable: a consequence, Carina and Cuetzpalli know, of being woven from a spider's fresh silks.
As the day draws to an end, Spiny's Six makes its departure from Patchwork.
Surprised but not terribly alarmed, Tanith doesn't lose a step at the revelation that Ms. Crumm and her brood aren't entirely human.
"Stay outta trouble you little goofs!" he says as he bids the children farewell.
Astraden actually encourages Cuechochea to go to town on the stage with her hammer's power of destruction. "Yeah, I didn't actually prepare a second spell to make it a regular floor again. But you guys can handle that, right, Lanthis?"
Astraden shakes her head in surprised disappointment at Laramie. "Kid, maybe times have changed, but when I was young it was completely out of fashion to transform into a fanged monster." She then flashes him a thumbs-up.
"Bye kids!"
"So, based on the Prince's shopping habits, it seems like he really likes intelligent food. Should I call in a demon for him to eat?"
Eben doesn't know what's going on, and it's only from interpreting the context of the situation that keeps him from trying to stomp Laramie under his boots as he scuttles by. "Ah! Ah. Hah. Hahaha." He yelps and then weakly converts into a laugh. He inspects the completed clothing, quietly, with the others, and departs Patchwork quietly reflecting, things slowly turning over in his head. It's not until they're a few blocks from the shop that something clicks home and he loudly asks his companions, "Wait. Are we gonna be wearing clothes that came out of her butt?!"
Later in the day, at the Deluxury and other places where people might know, he runs with Tanith's idea and makes inquries as to whether a host gift is expected for Prince Zeech, and what (potentially horrifying) form it would be expected to take.
"Out of her abdomen, Eben."
"...Oh, that makes it all better, I guess?" Eben says, looking down at his own abdomen and poking vaguely at the place where his belly button is.
"I mean, regular silk is basically worm poop, so this isn't so bad."
Astraden purses her lips in a perturbed expression. "Huh, really? I never stopped to wonder where it came from. Well, I guess that's one thing to look forward to when Kyuss gets his way."
As soon as the party gets back to the Deluxury, Astraden drags them to Cuetzpalli's room and pulls out her mirror to scry on Filge.
The mirror's surface starts to cloud over, but instead of unfogging to show Filge's form, the mist clears to reveal...plain, flat gray.
Filge is not resisting the spell. Something is blocking it.
Out of curiosity (and since he was the one that did the hard work in this case) he slips the top of the box open to see what's inside before handing it along.
Oh, also, just a reminder that we want to scry on Filge using whatever was in the box Eben lifted. And also to know what was in the box Eben lifted.