The goblins bail out of the ship, with Bigbadaboom jumping out behind Shortork.
Backlit by the fire, Glug Glug's outline appears on the deck as a series of pops and shrill whistles sound off from within the Tian vessel's hull. He jumps off the starboard side and hangs in the air a moment as the intense heat and pressure from trapped gasses results in a massive explosion. Glug Glug is brilliantly illuminated by the massive orange fireball to reveal a face of pure goblin ecstasy.
A shower of splinters are thrown for nearly a hundred feet in all directions. Moments later a second series of pops and whistles herald the rest of the pyrotechnics cooking off. Desnan candles and sky rockets fly in every direction, filling the dark swamp with fire in every color of the rainbow. Pops and sparks ignite dry scrub and leaves here and there as the entrancing display climaxes in a final explosion complete with a black, mushroom-shaped cloud of smoke.
Walking several paces in the direction he decided the 'Hat Lady' went Shortork stops and turns to look at the burning water house. He sees Doza 's spectacular display of horse...er goatmanship and Badaboom follow him over the side. But he stands with open-mouthed awe as Glug Glug leaps from the blazing ship an instant before the massive and beautiful explosion.
Knocked to the ground, severely burned and bleeding out Shortork still has a big grin on his unconscious face.
As the flames erupt all around them, both Bull and Doza attempt to find cover. Unfortunately Bull wanted to go one way and Doza another, which worked out better for Doza than Bull. Luckily Doza still managed to shield him and absorb most of the burn, but he didn't go unscathed.
"Hey yous. Why you sleepy sleeps? Ups and at em's. Time to go sleepy sleeps."
Doza reached down to check on the unconscious goblin. Not knowing what else to do since her healing magic was all used up, she patted him hardly on the back, blessing him with her super, all-powerful, incredible lucky magic of guidance.
In what would become his greatest regret, Bigbadaboom missed the initial explosion. He was engrossed watching a two frogs engaged in coitus and he is caught utterly unaware and peppered with shrapnel. The frogs would survie the blast, but then be crushed by the goblin collapsing on them.
Leaping from the flames as the hero he truly is, Glug Glug lands with a thud and the biggest smile you have ever seen.
With his firebelly spell still active Glug Glug and his quick reflexes he manages to take minimal damage from the shrapnel. Thanking a second to admire the magnificent explosion he created he notices Shortork lying on the ground. Grabbing one of his healing extracts he administers it to Shortorc. "Wake up, Wake up. You miss BarBeeQ!!!"
Meanwhile...
Vorka's eyes snap open. In the distance a fire rages where her home was. She remembers jumping from the tall mast, then running away from the crazier-than-usual goblins, then...
There is a large, jagged chunk of the ship's hull in her abdomen. Such power! And it could be mine if I could just eat them! Oh, how wonderful!
She lays as comfortably as she can, with the shrapnel impaling her making that difficult, and communes with those she has consumed before. The power rolls through her blood as her eyes roll back in her head and she chants in tongues. The shattered plank is pushed out of her body and new flesh begins to seal the gaping wound.
Vorka takes her toad out from inside her cloak. It is bruised, but still living. She gives it a lick and struggles to her feet. The psychedelics relieve her pain some. Or just makes her not care. "We must recover, Lord Longtung. Then we make dinner!"
It takes quite a bit of time before the mighty heroes can make it back to their home in the dark swamp. Daylight helps slightly, but it also reveals something troubling: excessive smoke coming from the village.
The poorly-fashioned stockade surrounding the Licktoads is on fire. More fire than normal. Further in, the huts and lean-tos are likewise burning. Goblin corpses lay scattered everywhere. From the entrance it appears none have survived.
Glug Glug looks at everybody and puts his hands up. "Me no do it" he says as he shakes his head.
"Me no do either." Doza looked around at the others around her.
"Well, we better go take stuff and eat more stuffs."
Doza prodded Bull forward with her knees, her horse chopper already drawn out and readied.
Gripping the Choppa tightly. Shortork walks slowly through the smoking remains of Home. Stopping suddenly he looks at the Choppa.
"Hey if Slorb dead, then no reward. Oh Choppa we gonna kill someone."
Glug Glug goes around looking for any survivers and anything worth value that he could talk.
Nothing seems to be moving in the rubble. Notably absent from the tribe's bodies are Slorb, Laptop, and Squealy Nord. The remaining heroes in the village. Glug Glug finds tracks made by longshanks scattered about. At one point near Gutwad's body, he finds a few empty potion bottles and a great deal of blood. It looks like a longshanks may have been dragged away bleeding from there by other humies.
There are few valuables left behind. Certainly nothing shiny. Tattered clothes and broken goblin gear. A few scattered arrows from some taller creature are embedded into the interior wall. A few arrows are still pinning dead goblins to the wall.
"No see Slorb. No see reward. See tracks though. We follow."
Despite Bull's hesitation, Doza manages to follow the trail a ways to the north. She trips over Slorb's dead and looted body and continues on. The whelp wrangler, Loptop is spotted just before the trail disappears into the deeper waters of the swamp. He is barely conscious and a trio of arrows puncture his gut. "W-whelps? No...heroes. L-l-long...shanks...they called themselves...Carnies. No...Zarny? They...want...you! No get caught...find...Bird...crunchers...L-l-licktoads...will eat Czar Knees...rise again..." Loptop rattles and coughs blood before going silent forever.
Doza surveyed the scene. She had no love lost for the dead goblins, but she hated the longshanks for what they had done. She could not stand to let them just annihilate her kin. Vengeance had to be had. The choppa had to be fed and the ground painted.
"No stop. We go."
After spending a few minutes poking about the ruins Shortork notices Doza moving off. He nods to the Choppa and follows her and the mighty Bull. When Slorb's body is discovered he pauses for a moment.
"Choppa, him no look so big now."
After finding Loptop and hearing Doza's rousing speech Shortork hefts the Choppa high and shouts
"Chop Long Shanks, Bite Long Shanks, Kill Long Shanks. Waagh!"
He runs several steps, stops and looks at Doza. He points in the direction he was going. When she indicates another direction he nods and moves that way, Choppa at the ready.
By the end of the day, the goblin crew manages to wander into Bird Cruncher territory. The human trail is never located again after being lost in the higher waters of the coastal marsh.
There are no patrols, no guards, no big fire. The goblins are nowhere to be seen in their own turf until four of the last five Licktoads on Golarion (#5 being Vorka...) finally arrive at the cliff of caves that the Bird Crunchers call their home. Red goblin eyes peek out of the darkness to observe the newcomers.
An old goblin woman, impossibly old by goblin standards, wanders into the open to greet the heroes. White hair and wrinkles, bulging eyes and maybe two total teeth, well one whole one and two broken, attest to a long life. "Toadlickers? Be ye here? Be ye real? What do ye want?"
"Yes yes yes. We want revenge. We want to kill longshanks. We want to take their stuff and make it our stuff. Longshanks kill Slorb. Take Slorb's stuff. Slorb's stuff is now our stuff. Must kill longshanks and take stuff back."
The wizened old goblin woman nods sagely to Doza. "Longshanks big problem. Dead goblins big problem. Birdcrunchers have even bigger problem. No chief here either. But..." she glances back at the huddled tribe, "Tribe would serve new chief. Chiefs. If new-chiefs fixed Birdcruncher problem. Ye be good chiefs if ye kill Pa Munchmeat and his dragon-pigs. Or ye can turn around and run if ye cowards."
"Da Choppa will lead. We kill Dragonmeat Munch-pig. Then kill longshanks. Then we be the Mighty Toad-Crunchers...Bird-Lickers. Choppa we must work on name."
All this talk of Meat and Munching Pig and Shanks has got Glug Glugs mouth watering as he day dreams of roasting a pig than human than a dragon over a spigot. "Yes, yes you no worry, Glug Glug be your new chef. First Shortorc chop da meat then we roast da pigs over biggest fire you ever see. Me have new recipe for dragon me wanna try too. Glug Glug says as he wipes the drool from his face.
The huddled Birdcrunchers cautiously emerge during the rousing speeches. The wizened goblin woman leans close and sniffs Glug Glug. She first recoils, then smiles at his scent. "Birdcrunchers! Wise Mummy Sprattleharsh declares Chieftain Moot!" The Birdcrunchers cheer and hop excitedly. Wise Mummy Sprattleharsh barks out orders to various random goblins then tells the prospective new chiefs, "Ye come with me. Warm feet by fire. Many challenges await ye."
After resting and eating everything he can find Shortork seeks out the largest group of Birdcruncher goblins around.
"This is da Choppa" Holding the weapon up
"Now listen, It kills good. If you kill good, you can follow da Choppa."
He nods to no one in particular and walks off to find more food.
"So what is big problem?" Doza asked the aged goblin.
"Tell stories of challenges and how we can help Birdcrunchers. Then I tell you how Birdcrunchers kill longshanks."
"What you need us do?"
"Mmm. Challenges," the old goblin says gazing past the Licktoads. "First is 'Blind Bird Shoot' where ye shoot birds. Blind. Then comes 'Stirge Swamp Stomp'. Ye will have to stomp stirges. With longshank boots. In the swamp. Finally ye be baked in 'Bird Pie'. With live birds. Ye do these tasks, ye be new chieftains. The ye kill Pa Munchmeat and his family for ye new tribe. Tomorrow, we take ye to valley, first thing in morning. Ye shoot birds. Blind."
"This easy challenge. Easy to shoot birds that cannot see. Even easier to eat them. Then we kill stirges with boots and eat them too. Boots, not stirges. Stirges not good for eating. And then we munchmeat."
Doza nodded proudly.
"Good plan. You, bring Choppa. Much killing. And you, bring eating. Much eating."
In the morning the four newcomers are lead to a valley, as promised. Three cages packed with a variety of angry, confused birds are brought along with. The heroes are lined up before the tribe and each is handed a shortbow and three arrows.
The Birdcrunchers begin to sing as one.
"We be goblins! We crunch birds!
Snip off legs and cut in thirds!
Catch the turkey! Snatch the rook!
Pluck the feathers—make them cook!
Roast them drumsticks, boil them eyes!
Mash guts gummy for bird pies!
Once it all is well and chewed,
We still hungry—YOU be food!"
Wise Mummy Sprattleharsh holds up several stained blindfolds. "Ye be ready?"
Bigbadaboom allows a cute and plump goblin female to blindfold him and nocks an arrow right away, spinning around with it excitedly and causing several goblins to hit the deck. When the first cage is opened and the birds erupt into the sky he jumps a little and takes a shot.
He hears the flock and aims directly at the mass. Unfortunately, by sheer luck his arrow misses completely and instead arcs back down to the earth where it sticks into a Birdcruncher's foot. The unsuspecting goblin howls in pain as Mummy Sprattleharsh declares Bigbadaboom as earning one point.
After the rousing wisdom from Doza and the catchy song of the goblins Shortork is very excited to start the fun. A spindly goblin offers him a blindfold. Dismissing him with the handle of the Choppa Shortork grabs a nearby basket and shoves it over his large head. It is a tight fit due to the size of his noggin, finally having to resort to slamming his head into a convenient tree. He is handed a bow, which he tossed over his shoulder. Then hefting the Choppa.
"Now!"He bellows
Barely hearing the sound of the cage opening and birds beginning to take flight. He charges in that direction leaping into the air, swinging wildly with the Choppa and snapping his big mouth to a fro.
Perception
Shortbow
Miss Chance
Special
Glug Glug's shot is near perfect, much to the disappointment of the crowd. Still, the old woman announces Glug Glug as earning one point.
Then Shortork jumps. He is well short of the released flock of pigeons and gulls and has no chance of hitting.
And yet...a hawk, having spotted the birds and judging them as easy prey, dives down to catch one of the filthy flock. Shortork's Magic Choppa catches it just before it can pull up. A rain of blood and feathers coat the four heroes and the crowd goes silent.
"Uh...AN OMEN!?" shouts Sprattleharsh. "Ten points!" The crowd cheers.
Doza accepted the shortbow and arrows with a somewhat polite nod of her head before tossing them to the ground. With the birds released and her blindfold on, her head instantly craned back, allow her just enough vision to see the ground slightly in front of her. She wasted no time before summoning the non-flying rocks from the sky.
Rocks and birds begin to fall from the sky. Bigbadaboom peeks out from under his blindfold to see Wise Mummy Sprattleharsh smack her palm hard into her forehead.
"Ye all pass! Ye will kill ye selves if ye go all three rounds. Then ye no kill Pa Munchmeat, so to the swamp!"
The Birdcrunchers lead you a fetid swamp where the humidity seems even greater than the valley or caves. Posts jut from the swamp with loose and rotting boards placed over some of them strategically. Tied to several of the posts are stirges. Angry, hungry stirges.
A pile of boots is dropped unceremoniously in front of the heroes. No two look like a complete pair, and there is a heavier number of "right" boots than "left" ones.
"Ye go. Smoosh bugs. Don't fall."
Bigbadaboom considers for a moment the task before him and shrugs. He gracefully hops from pole to pole and board to board with ease from the starting line despite the clunky longshank boots. He gets close to a grouping of stirges, too close perhaps, and fires his blunderbuss.
His shot shreds the two nearest stirges and he turns to grin at everyone.
Shortork listens intently to the instructions then moves to the shoes and begins to sniff them it takes him several minutes to select a pair. Then he goes back for a third boot. He places this on on the choppa.
Moving along the left side path Shorork swings at the first stirge.
Glug Glug takes a two left boots and puts them on his feet and stuff another one into his pot for later. Taking the planks 2nd from the left, Glug Glug gingerly walks down the path.
Getting to the end, Glug Glug smiles and pulls out his trusty friend. Trying to contain his giggles, he takes aim and lauches his bomb at a stirge (marked with a red box in roll20). WAAAAAHHAHAHAHAH Glug Glug begins to laugh histarically at the damage and fire he has caused. So delighted at the carnage, he forgot what he was doing out here in the first place.
Splash Damage = 6
Doza argued with Bull for what seemed like hours. In truth, it was barely a minute. She kept putting boots onto the goat only for him to kick them off before she could get the last one on. Frustrated more than she thought she would have been by a goat, she grabbed two boots and stomped across the plank. She set the boots down and slipped her feet into them where they sat. She took a few steps closer to the nearest stirge and reached out to
As Shortork takes out a stirge and Glug Glug takes out two, Doza finds herself slightly behind in this particular competition. She brutally burns a stirge with her acid, but it survives the attack and attempts to bite her in response.
She manages to squirm away in time to prevent the half-dead stirge from getting to her.
One is close enough to Shortork to try and feed from the goblin heroes' blood.
Shortork is less lucky than Doza and one of the critters sticks it's needle-like nose into him. It's barbed legs grab a tight hold of his thigh and the creature drinks deeply.
Bigbadaboom hops joyously from plank to plank as he reloads his blunderbuss. He sees where two stirges are closely grouped and is hopeful to catch them both with his next shot.
Growing more and more frustrated, not just with the lack of her own success in killing these stupid little birds, but with the others actually accomplishing the goal, Doza decided to try to even the score.
Bigbadaboom hardly notices the cattails and milkweed growing quite suddenly from the swamp right away, though the next time he moves he will figure it out...
Roaring at the stirge that attacked him Shortork snaps at the creature with his huge teeth.
Shaking his head he proceeds to consume the stirge, the blood spattering and running down his chin.
Leaping into the air to avoid the sprouting vines and deftly landing back on the plank. Shortork raises the Choppa and shouts.
"Birdcrunchers challenges be done or there be no more Birdcrunchers! While staring right at Mummy Sprattleharsh.
Glug Glug successfully attempts to avoid the growing vines at his feet. Looking around and realizing that Big Boda Boom might be his biggest threat Glug Glug comes up with a plan. Grabbing another one of his trusty bombs, Glug Glug aims at the board at BBB's feet. Using his precise bomb ability,
Glug Glug makes sure not to injure BBB, only hope to make him fall in.
Using his move action, Glug Glug attempts to cross a gap and get into better position to get more pointy birds.
Several of the stirges are caught in Doza's magical vines.
The board below BBB is cracked in half by Glug Glug's bomb attack. Bigbadaboom's hand shoots out and grasps the post beside him.
Shortork's demand might have gone over better if the tribe of Birdcrunchers could actually understand him, however stirge is rather stringy and the pulpy blood sack muffles his words. The tribe cheers with him instead of ends the challenge.
Frustrated beyond belief, Doza reached out and grabbed a stirge, her acid filled hand bubbling the flesh right off of the little blood-sucker.
Slightly confused by the cheering of the Birdcrunchers, Shortork looks at the Choppa.
"They dummer than us."
Then he swings at the entangled stirge on adjacent row of planks.
After which he grabs the spare boot
Hoping BBB would fall into the mud, Glug Glug angrily takes out another bomb and chucks it at the closest stirge to him, hoping to get the other stirge in his blast.
Splash damage equals 6