Kettlehead screams in rage, "NO YOU BE STOOPID!" and hops down from the log, but is stopped in his tracks by Shortork's words. His mouth hangs agape as he looks at the massive weapon in Shortork's hands and frog in Doza's, eyes narrowing as his brain tries to make sense of the nonsensical.
Culgick and Rempty are not confused at all, but quite afraid. Both shriek in fear and run back toward the Licktoad tribe through the dense forest.
"Come back! We get toads from babies!" the bully shouts as they run.
"You baby! You say water bad!" one shouts back as he disappears into the bushes.
Kettlehead points the dogslicer at Doza. "Say it right or I keel you!" He moves menacingly toward the group, not waiting to see what Doza will do.
Again Doza was forced to spit out what she was carrying in her mouth in order to follow instructions. "IT RIGHT" she shouted back at Kettlehead.
This time she popped the toad back into her mouth and grabbed her infamous rock smacker with both hands. She immediately began her charge but not at Kettlehead. Instead she headed for Shortork, leaping high up in the air with the intent to land on his shoulders. He must have known she was coming...or completely didn't. Either way, she had barely missed her jump and landed in the mud next to him, frog still wiggling in her mouth.
Bigbadaboom watches Doza the Toe hurdle over Shortork and has a brilliant idea. "Leap toe!" he shouts in delight and tries to hop over Shortork as well.
He sails over Shortork and lands with a flourish in front of Kettlehead, who he really looks at for the first time. Adrenaline pumps the drugs through his body from the exertion of the leap, and he watches in horror as the bully's kettle melts into his flesh, covering him with liquid bronze. "Golem!" he screams, dogslicer instantly in hand and slashing at the metal monster.
The hallucination causes him to slash at things that are not there, however.
Shortork impressed by Bigbadaboom's ability to fly steps forward and says.
"See We are all Super-Gobos!"
He then swings the Mighty Magik Choppa at Kettlehead
And leans in to deliver a bite
additional damage
Shortork's wide mouth opens and snaps closed on Kettlehead's shoulder. The resulting wound looks like a shark bite and gushes blood.
The mix of toxic toad, fetid bog water, and every other thing that Glug Glug could possibly stick in his mouth along the way comes to a gurgling, cramping climax as vomit pours out of his mouth, coating Kettlehead in a slurry, wet mess.
The bully gags, but manages to keep from throwing up himself. Enraged at Glug Glug, but wary of Shortork's power, he swings for the fences, hoping to cut Shortork's teeth from his mouth.
Shortork now completely convinced that the Mighty Magik Choppa has endowed the group with abilities far beyond those of normal goblins. Shouts.
"Look Doza has hoppy toad power and we are all Magik. Oh and you are stoopid!"
He then aims for Kettlehead's head and swings the Mighty Magik Choppa
Shortork's blow slams into Kettlehead's signature gear. The metal protects him from suffering a deep laceration, but the impact still leaves a severe enough contusion to cause some bleeding. Despite the two wounds inflicted by Shortork, Kettlehead has yet to drop and does not look to be holding back on his assault.
Both amazed and terrified (and still hallucinating) at the puke goblin Glug Glug has birthed from his mouth, he does the only thing he can think to do at this time, he starts to scream "I Sorry, but it for you own good" as he attempts to pee on his newly birthed puke baby.
Dirty Trick (Blind)
His bladder full to capacity, Glug Glug completly misses Kettlehead and pees on the back of Shortork's head instead, showering him in golden rain. Definitely another sign from the Gods that we are the chosen ones.
Glaring at Kettlehead with both eyes, Doza gritted her teeth. Holding her old, non-shiny stick up and pointed at Kettlehead, she promised "Ahburbujefellbaf"
She opened her mouth wide and pulled the frog out and tried again. "It's time for a bath!"
"Haha, toe wash you, golem! You gonna rust!" laughs Bigbadaboom! "Watch out for magic peepee and vomit babies, they got wata too!"
The combination of the assault, the bizarre "magic", sheer confidence of his foes, and dire threats of water proves too much for Kettlehead. He collapses to the ground in tears, exhausted, and woozy from blood loss and a concussion.
"No, no please, no! I just wanted to be real Toadlick! No keel me! I give you treasures! Please!"
"Treasures? You got treasures? Me give you toad, you give me treasures?"
ShortOrk feeling something warm on the back of his head and is confused . He looks up and sees the Mighty Magik Choppa he is holding above his head. His eyes widen and he shouts.
"Look the Magik Chopppa gifts me with warm rain."
Then looking at Kettlehead and mostly ignoring the other goblins, although the comment about "Magik Pee" is interesting. He says.
"You run away now. You no get Magik Pee, you no get toad. You give Treasure and run away. The Choppa will know if you don't."
Kettlehead looks with big bright hope-filled eyes at Doza, then shudders at Shortork's threat. He squeals in fright and weakly stands, staggering away and tripping over his crate of loot, cleverly concealed beneath a bright orange blanket at the side of the road.
The crate contains great treasures: A shortbow without a string, a quiver with seven arrows in it, a hard leather boot, a half-full salt shaker, and five bottles whose labels feature the same smiling half-elf woman wearing a jester’s cap.
Glug Glug walks over to kettlehead and removes his helmet and begins to fill it with all the bog water he can. Then picks up the salt shaker ad sticks it up his nose and sniffs. He immediately fells the pain and begins to cry. Taking out the shaker from his nostril he proceeds to stick in the other one. Still crying he uses his new pot to catch the blood no pouring from his nose. He stands there for at least a minute staring at the pretty colors and patterns his nose bleed and bog water make.
Shortork watches Glug Glug shakes his head then Gives Kettlehead a stern gaze shakes the Choppa at him and says.
"See we all be Magik. Glug Glug has power of Magik Stoopid. You go, Now!
After Kettlehead runs crying into the brush and the goblins pick over his treasures, they proceed on to their next destination: the Cave of Darkfear.
In the shade of gray cypress trunks, a sagging human-made cave squats on the muddy ground, overgrown with swamp brambles and leaning precariously to one side.
The interior is dark, revealing leaning and partially collapsed shelves, heaps of shattered pottery, a junk-strewn table, and rusting animal traps. A partially mummified but mostly skeletal human body slumps against one wall—the Spirit of Darkfear. A broken-off, cobweb-strewn horsechopper (now useless as a weapon) juts from the corpse’s chest.
With a loud gulp and trembling, Bigbadaboom steps forward with his toad and holds it out before the great Spirit. He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, then sings loudly.
"Put you in tomb.
First me go zoom,
Then you hear doom,
Big-ba-da-BOOM!"
When he finishes, he smiles and claps, then hops back quickly, scared of offending the Spirit of Darkfear. "Not so loud, Toe," he whispers to his toad as he sticks it back in a leather sack.
Pulling the half-eaten, half-dead toad out of her mouth, doza began...
"I is Doza the sleepy!
He is ShortOrk the beefy,
He be Bigbadaboom the creepy,
And him is Glug Glug the pee pee!"
Afterwards she bowed and popped the toad back into her mouth lest the boys get any ideas.
Shortork watches to make sure Kettlehead keeps running. Then looks at the Darkfear spirit he pokes it with the choppa and decides that it is dead. He then looks at Doza and back to the spirit and begins to sing.
"Best toad is Doza.
We be all Ma-gi-ka.
Gobos will Keel ya.
My Might Magik Choppa
Will know if you not Goba."
Shortork finishes his song and nods his head agreeing with his thought that it was a good song. He then begins looking about for stuff
Shortork looks at the loot he found. He sniffs the tinder twig shrugs his shoulders and sticks it in his ear. He carefully studies the thieves tools then begins to pick his teeth with them.
Glug Glug nervously carries his kettle filled with his own mixture of bog water, his blood and tears. He tries to speak but nothing comes out, his mouth way to watery. So he takes the salt shaker and sprinkles some on his tongue. Ready, he reaches into the kettle and brings out his toad then begins to sing . . .
"Glug Glug bring me toadie wit me
For da dark spirits to see
Cause toad water the key
to Glug Glug magik pee!"
As the others sing their songs, Doza grows bored and wanders over to Kettlehead's loot. Immediately she grabs the quiver and starts sniffing it. She dumps the arrows out in the dirt and slings the now empty quiver over her shoulder, stuffing her newly found smokesticks into it. With the rock smacker, she begins poking around the other items until she grows bored, which doesn't take long at all. She reaches down and grabs the orange blanket and ties it around her neck like a cloak. She wraps the rest around her entire body and screams out "hahaha, now none can see the invidisble Doza!"
As everyone observes Doza's newest goblin Magik of invidisblity, wondering how the orange fabric totally makes her disappear, the two grabby-cats with their gray fur, ringed and fluffy tails, and dark mask-like fur around their eyes, decide to pounce from the rafters.
Fortunately, the Magik goblins are quick to react to the new hostile threat.
Shaking his head Shortork is amazed at the wonderful powers the Choppa continues to endow them with. Eyeing the grabby-cats he licks his lips and says.
"Them is good eating."
Then he moves to attack
Confident in the protection afforded her by her new non-magical cloak of non-invisibility, Doza rushed forward and waved her fingers at the pair of grabby cats. Fire erupted from the orange cloak as Doza shouted back at Shortork. As the fire washed over the cats, Doza retracted her hand and immediately began to blow on her hands as if they too were burning.
"Yous gotta cooks 'em first!"
The tiny grabby-cats make for a tough target to strike with either magic or weapon, thanks in large part to their size, though both have their fur singed from the spell.
Smelling dinner cooking, Bigbadaboom stops examining his newest treasures.
He grins and moves to cut a slice of raccoon burger, extra rare.
He barely misses hacking off a tasty piece of meat.
I gots the pot!!!!!! Glug Glug shots as he attempts to chuck his magik flying stick at one of the grabby cats
Point Blank
Glug Glug's pot smacks into one of the grabby-cats. It hisses in retaliation and charges at it's attacker, while the other tries to take a bite out of Bigbadabaoom.
The one going after Glug Glug seems to be more affected by it's wounds than it realized, and fails to hurt him. The other draws blood on BBB, who howls in pain.
"Bad dinner! No bities! We be bities!" Doza shouted as she chased at one of the grabby-cats.
She swung Rock Smacker with all of her might at the one that was nibbling on Badaboom. Although nibbling on Badaboom seemed like a good idea...
Shortork's eyes widen as the Grabby-cats move closer He opens his mouth wide and says.
"Cook is good but raw is better."
As he snaps at the nearest animal.
Now without his trusty pot, Glug Glug is forced to attack with the his newly found pot stirrer, his tindertwig. Not knowing how to really attack with a tindertwig he begins to swing wildly at the Grabby-cat
Missing badly, he swings his tindertwig and manages to scrap Shortork across his massive teeth, igniting the tindertwig. Glug Glug stands there in amazement at is new ability to create fire.
Bigbadaboom sucks on the bloody bite. For a moment he feels like crying, then looks at the Spirit of Darkfear and feels empowered.
"Grabby-cat no bite Licktoad goblin!" he shouts after bringing the dogslicer down in a heavy, hacking arc that causes the beast to stop moving. He turns and walks over to the other still-living animal. "Dat go for you too, we be Licktoads, you respect me."
Cornered and surrounded, the raccoon spits and flies into a frenzy, hoping to open an escape route.
Stepping behind Shortork, Doza patted him on the rear. "You, go kill dinner. Do good job. Me let you keep choppa."
"Waaa! Da Choppa says me eat you now!" Shouts Shortork as bites at the remaining Grabby.
Glug Glug walks up to the dead Grabby and pokes at it with his ignited tindertwig. He starts to giggle at the sound of cindered flesh and fur. The smell hits his nose and he pauses for a bit, as if in deep thought or as deep of thought Glug Glug could get. Then a smile comes across his face as he pulls out the salt shaker from his nose and applies a few shakes.
"Dinner Ready!" He shouts as he continues to poke at the Grabby with the tindertwig.
"See the Mighty Magik Choppa has gives me fooblgurp...
As he stuffs the somewhat cooked grabby-cat into his mouth
Bigbadaboom sits in the pool of blood from the one he killed and happily begins gnawing on a leg.
The goblins enjoy their snack, an obvious blessing from the Spirit of Darkfear, and get ready to go back to the tribe to tell everyone of their amazing magik powers and complete their rite of passage.
A few minutes after leaving the cave, the group comes across a strange sight. A colorfully painted wagon sits half-sunken in a patch of foul-smelling mud. Abominable words decorate the side of the wagon along with paintings of potions and magic trinkets. Bottles, barrels, pots, and all manner of real potions and curios poke out from beneath the bulging canvas that covers the top of the wagon.
A half-elven woman with red hair and wearing a colorful hat with little bells that jingle whenever she moves is trying to coax her mule to drag the wagon out of the mud. "C’mon you stubborn old mule! We’re gonna be so late!" she tells the animal before noticing the goblins.
"Oh! Hello there my small goblinoid friends! I am Magical Maggie, and this is my Mobile Market! Magical Maggie's Mobile Market! Why, I see that you there," she points to Bigbadaboom, "seem to have hurt yourself!" She peers close at his raccoon bite, "What...is that an animal bite? Well, no matter, because my miracle medicine sells for a mere thirty gold pieces, but for you fine customers, how about only four platinums? Way fewer than thirty gold, don't you think?" She pulls a bottle out. It is the same as the bottles Kettlehead had. "Why just one full swallow, and you will feel right as rain!"
Glaring at the woman, Doza's face wore a stoic frown. Her arms were crossed and her foot tapped on the ground.
"You think we are stupid goblins? You means to tricks us? We are no stupid. We know what jars do" she said as she pulled out one of the potion vials looted from Kettlehead's stash. She tossed it into her mouth, vial and all, and began chewing on it. With a deadpan face, she continued to chew on the glass and clay and paper and whatever else the small flask may have been made of or contained.
After she was finally able to swallow down the contents, she looked at the stuck wagon and attached mule. With the observation skills she had spent a lifetime cultivating, Doza asked inquisitively "you stuck?"
Trying to both look at the woman-thing and avert his gaze from the evil bad naughty word symbols Shortork waves the Choppa and says.
"Waag! We have own Magik the Mighty Choppa makes us so. You no get shiny stuff from us. No fool us. Da Choppa will know."
He takes two steps toward the wagon and waves the Choppa menacingly
"You know what? I don't need to take this! I've got somewhere to be, so you little creeps can bugger off!" Magical Maggie shrieks in frustration. Her mule bucks some, the wagon rocking in the mud.
She chucks a rock into the group of goblins. Distracted for a moment by a patch of colorful mold, he doesn't see the stone come sailing at his head.
Wondering where the hollow 'thunk' sound came from, Bigbadaboom stares confusedly at Maggie. Blood stung his eyes and he saw another rock in Maggie's hand, and his mind finally figured the entire sequence of events out.
He snarled and charged at the blonde half-elf.
However he forgets that mud is hard to run through and gets stuck before reaching her.