Glug Glug, bewildered by the aroma the pipe gives off, goes and picks it up off the floor and sticks it in his mouth, the wrong way of course burning his tongue slightly. Turning it around, he takes a couple of big puffs of the pipe, choking vigorously.
A little high from his first hit of tobacco, he goes and takes a round to search the barn for anything else that might be interesting.
Bigbadaboom whistles joyously and skips to the dead human's corpse, going through his things. He pulls the metal codpiece off of the late Corpule Gunders and puts it on as a helmet.
Shortork, covered in the blood of the human finally stops chopping at the body. He then pokes the big knife several times with the Choppa.
[ooc]Dropping out of 2 rounds of rage Fatigued for 4 rounds[/]
"Told you Choppa better."
he turns looking around the barn then falls over, The Choppa however remains erect.
Using her knees to guide Bull out of the barn, Doza used her hands to perform the arcane gestures to summon her magical sight. She glanced down at the human's body and then looked ahead to the fallen halflings.
A shimmering portal opens in the barn, and out steps a plump human woman holding a dog and a scrap of paper. "Gunders! Where the hell are you?! You wanted one more cha-" The woman stops when she sees the scene of the slaughter. The paper falls from her grasp and her dog barks a high-pitched, stomach churning bark and jumps from her arms. "Mitzen! The woman produces a dagger from somewhere up her sleeve.
SHUT UPPPP! SHUT UPPPP! Glug Glug yells at the woman and loud ass dog. Its constant yapping is ruining his buzz. Glug Glug reaches into his bag of goodies and pulls out several viles of differing liquids, mixing them together with great speed in to one cicular clay container he then proceeds to infuse it with a small amount of his own essense. Glowing a bright red and starting to tremple, Glug Glug throws his bomb at the first target he sees, the lady.
Splash 5
Glug Glug's clay jar seems to explode just in front of the woman and a shimmering field of magical energy ripples with the impact.
The fearsome dog manages to avoid most of the blast, however the woman's magic does not prevent her the burning, caustic liquid from covering her.
Laying on the barn floor recovering from the rage fatigue and not really paying attention to what's going on. Shortork hears Glug Glug's ranting and he sits up just as the bomb detonates.
"No make noise the Choppa need...
He abruptly stops speaking when he notices the woman as the bomb's smoke clears.
"Why you make Humie? I just killed one. Why for you make another?
He says as he gets to his feet and hefts the Choppa for action.
In addition to the spike of conjuration magic, Doza can see a pair of abjuration effect with weak auras surrounding the new human.
Bull carried Doza forward. While Bull was intent on checking on the little piggie, Doza was inadvertently brought closer to the vile dog. Doza did not waste the opportunity and hurled a pebble at the vicious animal.
Panicked by the magical dog with teleportation powers, Bigbadaboom swings the loaded blunderbuss around and attempts to hit both the dog and her human familiar with one spread.
The fierce, ogre-like hide of the small terrier proves too much for his mighty thunder. He goes to reload the firearm, only to discover he has fired his last round.
Lottie screams a steady stream of profanity, then says something in Draconic while moving her fingers. She looks at Shortork and screams with supernatural volume.
"Mitzen, heel!" she says following her magical attack.
The dog snarls at Doza, but responds to the command quickly after the loud blast from Bigbadaboom.
Shortorks mouth hangs open and he drools slightly. So it's a tough call as to weather he is Dazed or just being himself. Either way he simply stands there.
If there was one thing that Doza knew it was that dog was a fine meal. She guided Bull forward a few paces so that she could be both in range and out of range. She then release the heat wave of fire so intense that it would instantly melt the flesh from stones. At least that's what Doza thought the old pictures represented. It was hard to follow goblin, even for a goblin.
Con Save
Both dog and woman manage to shield themselves from the worst of Doza's blast, but the dog is now in terrible shape. The pungent smell of burned hair and fur mixes with the previous human's sharp scented drugs and the tang from BBB's blunderbuss.
The smell of cooked dog has gotten the attention of Glug Glug. Its aroma fills his nostrils with pure delight, his mouth now beginning to water. He pulls out a fork he managed to stole earlier. "Lunch!" he says as he moves into a better position.
Bigbadaboom groans realizing his ammunition has been spent and grabs his dogslicer and moves in, ready to slice a dog.
The hand woman scoops the dog up quickly with one hand, backs up a step, them pulls a bottle out with her other and feeds it to the animal.
Doza spurred Bull forward as she began to summon the corrosive acid that seeped out of her pores. Bull first reared up and then lowered it's head, stepping forward to bring it's horns to bear. Doza, who was unused to this maneuver, accidentally scooted forward and lost her seating. She grabbed for Bull's horn to stabilize herself and in doing so, caused the goat to clumsily stumble forward. Acid began to burn and mar Bull's once pristine horns and the goat shook his head in agitation, throwing off Doza's aim as well.
"Choppa! is DOG!!! and Humie, Waagh!"
Shouts Shortork as he moves and swings at the dreaded Dog beast.
Of course it is a small animal and she is holding it, Shortork's aim might be a little off.
Glug Glug takes careful aim at the noisy lady and throws one of the many utensils he "found".
If Hit
The dog attempts to jump away from Shortork's attack and her master's arms, but is caught by the goblin berserker's weapon. The dog whines and yelps with pain, it's tail tucked between it's legs.
Glug Glug's spoon spins straight at the woman's face, but is deflected by her invisible shielding at the last moment.
Frustrated he can't fire his weapon anymore at the moment, Bigbadaboom swings at the dog, then snaps with his teeth.
The woman backs up, now quite afraid the situation has gotten away from her. She pulls a stick from her belt and aims it at the assembled goblins. "Hellfire!" she shouts, and a sheet of flame spills forth from the wand.
Meanwhile, the dog carefully attempts to flee out the back door of the barn.
Jumping to the side Shortork avoids the worst of the flame. The pain however does bring out his rage.
"Choppa no like fire stick. Waagh!!!"
Leaping forward he swings the Choppa at the woman.
"What?!?! Food no cook goblin, goblin cook food" Doza yelled.
Again Doza spurred Bull onward and again she reached out to burn the former dog-carrier with acid.
Bull, without many other options, humored Doza and attempted to gore the woman.
Shortork's blade is deflected by the woman's magic, while the goat is still adjusting to the goblin on it's back and misses a chance to headbutt her.
Doza slaps the woman hard with her spell and leaves a nasty burn scar on her face in the shape of Doza's hand.
Seeing Doza standing next to her and not wanting to catch Doza or more importanatly Bull, in the blast, Glug aims for the square behind the crazy lady.
Splash Damage = 5; Reflex Save 14
The woman is caught by surprise as Glug Glug stops throwing silverware and instead tossed something dangerous in her direction. The bottle explodes behind her sending singed and burning hay into the air. Her face twists from anger to shock and she stands there still for a moment before collapsing face-first on to the barn floor. Her entire back is scorched and smoking.
Shortork stands staring at the smoldering corpse for a moment. Then turns to Glug GLug and says.
"You gonna eat that?"
Glug Glug walks to the freshly cooked corpse and deeply inhales the enticing aroma. He pulls out the largest knife he has and begins to bang on his kettle yelling "Dinner Ready!" He then begins to carve her like a Thanksgiving Day turkey, using only the fine china he might have pulled off the tables of course. A small feast for a job well done.
All over the farm goblins come running to the barn, called by Glug Glug's dinner bell and the smell of a freshly cooked meal. What started out as a wedding party has become a bonding moment for the Licktoad Tribe as everyone brings their own fresh people-meats and captured sweets and alcohol. The party goes long into the night and the whelps are whelps no more. They are even given chairs near Gutwad's once the feast is in full swing.
Over the course of the night, the tribe picks the farm clean of all valuables and when the goblins pack up in the morning to return home with their spoils, someone sets fire to the barn, boathouse, and main house. The tribe sings their glory as the evil human buildings burn.
Doza began by picking up the small corset and the bridal veil.
Then she grabbed the frying pan.
She would have grabbed more but she had to test the frying pan by walking around and smacking other goblins over the head with it. It was just too much fun.
Bigbadaboom giggles at the treasure pile, but snatches the fancy collar and shiny knife.
He reaches for the vest at the same time as another goblin does, so he grabs his gun while staring the other goblin down.
Next he goes to lay claim on the whiskey.
And is unchallenged as he swings the barrel around and cackles.
When he goes to snag the shiny buttons, the creepy sorcerer in the tribe grabs them first and shoves them in his mouth.
Many days pass after the wedding party, leading the Licktoads to become slightly bored. That boredom was alleviated when a nasty goblin wizard was discovered with a...book!
The cancer was excised from the tribe quickly, and "Scribbleface" was branded with his deadly words before being banished. The tribe then poured over his belongs, eagerly scrabbling over minor objects and mystical tools.
Interestingly enough, Scribbleface had some secret fireworks! Weirder still, they were wrapped in a map the goblin had written. A big "X" lays not far from the tribe, with a sketch of a firecracker with a lit fuse beside the mark.
Then, this morning, Gutwad announced that tonight there would be a feast in order to drive out any lingering bad luck from Scribbleface’s poor decisions. But perhaps even more exciting, all of you have been secretly invited to meet at Chief Gutwad’s Moot House. Why would the chief want to speak to you? It can only mean that he’s got an important mission for you all... one that the other goblins of the tribe couldn’t pull off. This could be your chance to go down in Licktoad history!
The high nasal voice of chief adviser Slorb calls the four goblin youths into the Moot House and tells them to sit before the Chief's high-chaired throne.
In a massive breach of protocol, Chief Gutwad himself speaks! “You all be heroes. Each of you. You are best Licktoads but for me. And maybe but for Slorb. That you aren’t fleeing in terror from mighty sound of my voice is all the proof you should need. Yet soon, all Licktoad goblins will know your might, for I have
picked you for a dangerous mission.
"You know about fireworks and map we found in Scribbleface’s hut. Fireworks were fun. But map is more fun. It shows a route to a place near the coast where Scribbleface found fireworks. And it says there are more fireworks there!
“I want them for Licktoads. You all go get them tomorrow. Tonight we have big bonfire to burn bad luck away from you, and we play many games. Much fun. Tomorrow you fetch me fireworks. If you meet men, you make them dead. If you meet dogs, you make them dead. If you meet horses, you make them dead. If you meet Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many, you maybe should run. And if you not find fireworks, you not come back or we feed you to Squealy Nord!”
Slorb rushes the goblin heroes out of the hut. "Go and rest. Get ready. Tonight, big party to rid Licktoad of Scribbleface's bad juju and bless you on your holy quest!"
The tribe is quickly organized to prepare for a big feast and party. Then disorganized, only to still manage over the course of the day to get things done. Party tonight, fireworks tomorrow. Or death, maybe.
Shortork walks slowly from away from the Chief's hut, a thoughtful expression on his face. (Well at least as thoughtful as a goblin can manage). After a few more steps he stops.shakes his head and says to the Choppa.
"Da chief say many words, too many. I hope Doza hear all. Oh well we must do thing for him. Go to party and work to set Squealy Nord on fire. You must wear new white hat and me wear little black headband. Yes Choppa, is good to know what we do."
The wanders over to a hut and goes inside.
Hero! I is a hero! Bigbadaboom skips away from the meeting with the chief, stopping to examine a particularly ugly slug. "PARTY!" he suddenly screams at the slug, causing several of the tribe to jump behind bushes, fearing an attack. He skips again down a treacherous walkway, somehow managing to avoid stubbing a toe in the process. "PARTY!" He screams again, this time not at a slug but at one of the more attractive young goblin girls, who shrieks and slaps the excited Licktoad hero. He blushes at the display of affection and skips along the way, eager for the bonfire to start.
As night falls, a group of four struggling goblins carry the Teeter Chair (with Chief Gutwad sitting atop it) out to the bonfire, and the chief lights the fire with a Desnan candle. This signals the start of an all-night party that features lots of good things to eat: snails, fish, and snakes. The chief has a barrel of fermenting cider apples brought out early on and most goblins get drunk very quickly.
After the tribe has a chance to start eating and drinking, the chief leans over and whispers to Slorb, who addresses the entire gathering. "His girthiness, the mighty Chief Gutwad, ruler of the Licktoad Tribe, He Who Balances on the Teeter Chair challenges his strong people to DANCE WITH SQUEALY NORD! Who has the skill and the guts to ride the ferocious boar captured from disgusting pink skin halfers? If you can last, you win a Dragon Brew Gourd!"
The goblins begin to assemble around the piglet's muddy pit. The pig is happily nibbling on the remains of a goblin corpse's arm.
After waiting a few minutes for any other goblin to brave riding Squealy Nord, Shortork leaps into the pen and carefully eyes the piglet. Then with a shout of
"Waagh!"
He charges the animal with the intent of grabbing the beast and forcing it to the ground.
The tribe breaks out in laughter as Shortork wrestles the fierce piglet. Someone shouts, "You is supposed to be on top! No, not like...eww!"
Doza had just begun to climb down off of Bull when she heard the tell tale sign of Shortork's waagh. She turned to stare unapprovingly as the goblin tried to wrestle the pig to the ground. She angerly climbed bach up to mount Bull, stopping only to kick another somewhat innocent goblin in the face for being too close.
Wild eyed Shortork looks about he is just about to shout and charge the pig again when he notices Doza sitting atop Bull. A wave of comprehension washes over him (Okay this is Shortork, it's really more of a trickle). He spins an leaps upon the animals back.
Then grabs the pig by the ears and away they go.
Just as it looks as if he might make it, a violent jolt by the pig causes him to slip off and tumble to the ground.
Deftly breaking his fall by landing on his head he avoids any damage. He is however now red-eyed with rage.
"Bacon Beast Bad!"
Shouts Shortork as he charges the pig and attempts to leap upon it once more.
landing on the pigs back, just barely. Shortork grabs the animal around the neck and holds on as it runs squealing.
Happy that he was able to stay on he forgets and lets go of the pig's neck. and throws his hands up in celebration. That's of course when he falls off.
Again he avoids damage by landing head first.
He sits up and shouts
"Choppa Time!!!
"Uh...Okay, you win!" shouts Slorb, hoping to placate Shortork before the tribe's new mascot and future ferocious guardian is killed too soon. He tosses Shortork his prize, the Dragon Brew Gourd.
"The next dare!" Slorb calls. The tribe hushes quickly. "Who among you will...'Eat a Bag of Bull Slugs Real Quick'?" Everyone cheers with excitement as Loptop comes to stand beside Slorb holding a bag dripping with thick slime and writhing slightly.
Then Slorb holds up the prize for whomever can accomplish the dare: Gorge of Gluttons! The chief's legendary artifact, a dogslicer that also slices horses!
Sitting in a slight daze as he recovers from the excitement of the Squeal challenge, winning a prize, and recovering from the fatigue after raging. He sniffs the Dragon Brew but decides not to guzzle at the moment. When the Chief describes the Glutton challenge he perks up. Dropping the brew gourd and snatching up the Choppa he says.
"What is big deal about silly slicer Choppa kills both too, and others things."
He thinks fondly of the slugs and how lame the challenge is, he was gonna eat them anyway.
At the sight of the slicer, Doza rushed forward. She wasted no time in grabbing a handful of slugs and stuffing them into her mouth. The first one went down easy enough, but before she could move on to the third, the second one came back up with a vengeance. She would have turned green if she wasn't already but she gritted her teeth and swallowed hard. Not wanting to draw this out any more than she had to, she shoved another and another into her mouth, closed her eyes and chewed hard and fast.
The crowd cheers as Doza begins eating the foul gastropods, and cheers again when she vomits one up. When she starts vigorously shoveling them down, the crowd chants her name. "DO-ZA! DO-ZA! DO-ZA!"
The sun is low in the sky and casts orange beams onto the magical dogslicer. "Chief gunna wan' it back, ya know," he whispers to Doza, "But you might need it on your mission..."
"Now that it is almost dark, it is time for a new dare." The crowd goes silent, hoping for something truly fun. "Who wants to compete for the Ring That Let's You Climb Real Good? All you have to do is be 'It' in a game of Hide or Get Clubbed!"