DM PatheticWretch presents Emerald Spire (Level 3: Splinterden) (Inactive)

Game Master PatheticWretch

"I want it on record! That wasn't me... This time..." Dragos bursts out, examining the contents of the chest as he once more brushes debris and dust from his once fine overcoat, before turning his attentions to his Business partner, creating a light drizzle to clean off their scales.

"I wonder you Addington is?! Interesting, I shall keep that as a memento." taking the paper he folds it up and places it inside his pocket. He then heads to the secret door and peers it over for signs of further terrible traps.

"Let us get out of this death trap eh?"

Perception, take 10: 10 + 10 = 20

"A lousy advertisement. What a waste of a perfectly good chest."

"Time to move!" Stonetree booms than heads towards the south door.

Stonetree opens the secret door to the south, only to find a 5' hallway and a blank wall. Examining it, he finds another secret door.

"My goodness there are a lot of secret doors in here!"

"There sure are, Selethe... Stonetree, lead the way."

Stonetree throws open the door "No need to Stand! Sit! Sit! We will come to you!"

Shabby, mold-covered tapestries hang from ceiling hooks, cloaking one wall of this chamber in faded forest hunting scenes. While probably of decent quality when new, they look sad now.

A plain wooden chair of massive construction stands centered before the tapestries, facing into the room. A large stone table stands against the eastern wall. Weapons and other items are neatly laid out on the table, as if displayed for sale in a shop.

Seated in the wooden chair is a humanoid skeleton, flanked by two more standing to each side of the chair.

"Who are you?!?" a voice echoes through the room. "And what are you doing here? Speak, before I lose my patience with you!"

"I am the cook! One of the best I might add." Stonetree announces as he slowly continues into the room "I am here to put meat on your bones!" Stonetree bellows turning briefly to his companions to with a big grin and an expectant look.

Gratus cranes his neck to get a good look at the room's occupants.

Knowledge (religion), guy in chair: 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (15) + 8 = 23
Knowledge (religion), the others: 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (13) + 8 = 21

Osiris quickly traverses the trap room, and cranes his neck to try and get a look at whomever (whatever?) is speaking.

Selethe is of course intrigued by the weapons on display but the voice stops her from approaching the skeletons right away.

perception: 1d20 + 7 ⇒ (12) + 7 = 19

Following Stonetree through the door, Dragos rolls his eyes at the joke but laughs anyway. "You really have been learning from Chortles, and not well!" he says, rather oblivious of the ominous nature of the echoing voice. Turning, as if remembering they were being addressed by a disembodied, commanding thing.

"Greetings honoured one! We are here to buy your wares, you have a fine establishment!"

Chortles finally gets his laughing under control. Seeing everyone hit the deck was one of the funniest things he had ever seen. He was tempted to pull the lever again, but then noticed everyone had wandered off. Wiping tears from his eyes he hurriedly caught up to the others just in time to hear Stone Tree's banter.

After Dragos, Chortles also addresses the skeleton, "Are you Addington? I knew a Paddington once. Quite the exceptional fellow; Always getting in to trouble. Met his demise with a honey comb hanging over a cliff. The fall didn't kill him. The villagers with pitchforks finished the job. I guess he'd been raiding their hen houses."

"You are not here to purchase anything!" the skeleton in the center responds. "You all seem well-equipped. What are you really doing here?" it asks, and genuinely seems curious.

sense motive: 1d20 - 1 ⇒ (9) - 1 = 8

"I think he wants us to tell him a story," Chortles whispers to Selethe. He calls for this Axe and prepares to strum the ultimate telling of the Jumpy Mummy in the Trapped Box.

sense motive: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (10) + 4 = 14

"We are just browsing really. The holiday season will be upon us before you know it! Why did you open this shop that is so difficult to reach? Surely that must mean you have something very valuable?"

She casts detect magic as subtly as she can and scans the wares to see if anything stands out.

sense motive: 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (14) + 1 = 15

"Anyone one else finding it strange the skeletons are rambling on let never open their mouth?"

Sense Motive: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (7) + 4 = 11

Dragos takes a step back, shocked by the Skelton Shopkeeper's tone. "We were exploring and found your shop, so now we are here to browse and purchase! I promise you I have gold!" he defends, lifting his purse and jingling it slightly. He then turns too Stonetree, confused. "Huh?! What are you talking about sir?"

Chortles casts detect magic to see what of the items are magical and if there is anything else hidden in the room.

Chortles and DRagos examine the items on the table more thoroughly.

On the table lie four longswords, a masterwork dagger, a buckler, a flask of acid, and four small leather belt pouches.

Chortles also notices that a belt and potion on the table are magical. There is another magical aura in the room, coming from behind the curtain.

"Lies!" the voice exclaims. "None wander in here to purchase items from a shop! What brings you here! Your next answer had better be good!"

Stonetree turns to Dragos "Pretty simple my friend, the skeleton is talking like Chortles after a nap yet his mouth never moves." than turns to Chortles as the disembodied voice makes it last demand "The one damn reason we bring you along is to do the damn talking, so answer the man." Stonetree booms "The longer and more detailed the answer the better!" Than the large man gestures for Selethe to join him in the room.

"My dear skeletal friend. We wary travelers are here to right wrong and free those wrongly oppressed. Your home has proven a wealth of wonders to us as we've roamed its halls. May I start with the glories of the room with the falling ceiling. Absolutely Marvelous!" Chortles chuckles for a moment.

"And, though I would never adorn my front door with such, the spider guts were a great ambiance setter. I really hope we do have enough time to go over your decorating motif. Furthermore! we really do hope to help you repair this lair and return its gloriousness beyond any fathomable failure. This will become a majestic hall that no man will pass! Visitors from afar will bow to your every whim! The powers of the world will trample each other in their haste to view you and your entourage."

Chortles takes a deep breath and bows low, feeling he's really in the groove now.

"What do we want? What do we want?! We only want what is best for you! We are here to serve you and accomplish your greatest desires. We will continue exploring this vast maze and uncover secret treasures and will return you your greatness."

Perform Oratory: 1d20 + 12 ⇒ (8) + 12 = 20

Chortles pauses for effect, "Now, if you don't mind, may we peak behind that curtain behind you?"

Utterly confused by the current turn of events, Dragos decides to keep quiet, for a change, and see how Chortles' and Stonetree's clearly brilliant plan is going to work out. He knew he was missing something key, and now mentioned it was strange to see an unmoving, decaying Skeleton talking. The question though, was why would someone set up a shop down here? Or is it a trap for unwary fools to snare them? It may have worked.

The disembodied voice listens as Chortles performs his oratory mostly in silence, though it becomes increasingly exasperated.

When he asks to see behind the curtain, the voice yells "Liars! You have not come to help me, but to kill me! Minions, attack!"

Only the silver-tongued bard is able to act before the skeletons.

Round 1 (bold may act)
Chortles
Baddies
Dragos
Selethe
Stonetree
Gratus
Osiris

Chortles pauses with his mouth hanging open mid sentence. His performances had never had this effect before! He jumps behind Stone Tree and casts Grease around the skeletons to slow them down.

Grease Reflex save of 15 or fall. Acrobatics of 10 to walk at half speed.

The dulcet tones of Chortles' voice call forth a thin, slippery layer of grease that coats the floor beneath two of the skeletons. But apparently not sweet enough. To his chagrin, they both maintain their footing, one of them just barely.

However, when they attempt to move, the bard finds that his spell worked as well as could be hoped. Both fall to the ground with a clattering crash.

The remaining skeleton rambles forward and mindlessly attacks Stonetree with a battered scimitar, but it strikes the wall rather than the brawler.

"Then you will die!" the disembodied voice calls out, and Stonetree suddenly feels the urge to stay right where he is.

Stonetree, please make a DC 15 Will save. Failure means you are paralyzed.

Round 1 (bold may act)
Chortles
Baddies
Dragos
Selethe
Stonetree
Gratus
Osiris

Everyone is up!

Osiris frowns, and tosses a pair of force missiles...

Toppling Magic Missile @ Standing Skeleton: 1d4 + 1 ⇒ (3) + 1 = 4 Force damage.
Trip: 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (8) + 8 = 16 Vs CMD.

Toppling Magic Missile @ Closest Prone Skeleton: 1d4 + 1 ⇒ (2) + 1 = 3 Force damage.
Trip: 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (13) + 8 = 21 Vs CMD.

Will Save: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (13) + 2 = 15

Stonetree shakes the fog from his mind laughs as the skeleton comes charging "Guess it couldn't be all abou the door finding and opening!"

Gratus summons a magnificent hound next to the throne, and it savages the nearest skeleton.

Attack, prone: 1d20 + 4 + 4 ⇒ (20) + 4 + 4 = 28
Crit?: 1d20 + 4 + 4 ⇒ (16) + 4 + 4 = 24
Damage (B+P+S): 2d4 + 6 ⇒ (4, 1) + 6 = 11

Augmented Celestial Dog

He then moves up behind Osiris.

Flicking his wrist, Dragos causes a slender Ivory wand engraved with a coiled Dragon in mid-strike. Activating its stored magic and touching Tarantio's fangs with it, the Drake's Maw begins to glow slightly and their row of fangs sharpen. The Undertaker then moves into the shop, drawing his Scythe as he does so and keeping it close to his chest.

Wand of Magic Fang

Grumbling at the mistreatment of their awesome powers, Tarantio scurries through the legs of his his Business Partner's associates and leaps from between Stonetree's legs to latch on to the rotting form of the Skeletal shopkeep. Growling in annoyance, Tarantio snaps his enchanted jaws around a fragile looking rib bone and tries to snap it in half.

Bite attack, Magic Fang: 1d20 + 9 ⇒ (2) + 9 = 11 for B+P+S, Magic Damage: 1d3 ⇒ 1

Does provoke for moving into the Skeleton's square

Selethe maneuvers into position, her longspear at the ready.

Double move.

"HO HO! It appears I've been able to recreate your stew, Stonetree," Chortles smiles as he points to the greasy mess. "Let's hope it's as toxic too!"

Chortles pulls out his bow and lets loose an arrow in to the standing giant. He then gets a notion that there must be something peculiar behind that curtain and moves to check it out, "Anyone else curious what is behind that curtain?"

bow attack: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (9) + 5 = 14
damage: 1d6 + 1 ⇒ (6) + 1 = 7

Stonetree seeing the skeleton to his right being quickly overwhelmed takes a step back and make his way to the other skeletons and attempts to stomp one of the skeletons flailing on the floor.

unarmed strike against prone: 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (4) + 8 = 12
damage: 1d6 + 5 ⇒ (3) + 5 = 8

Seeing that one of the skeletons hadn't fallen prone, Osiris decides to take matters into his own hands, launching a pair of force missiles at the skeletons.

The standing skeleton explodes into a thousand pieces, with the chunks of bone thrown violently to the floor. The prone one takes serious damage.

Stonetree manages to shake off the spell effect cast against him, though barely.

Gratus opens a conduit to the heavens, and a celestial hound bursts forth to rip into the enthroned skeleton, clamping its jaws around the skeleton's head and bursting the skull. The remaining animated body parts slump in the chair.

Dragos augments his draconic companion. Tarantio can change his action given that the skeleton he was to attack is dead.

Selethe, longspear in hand, moves forward to engage the enemy.

Chortles looses an arrow at the last skeleton Will change your target since it's the last one left., but misses. He then moves to look behind the curtain. As he suspected, he finds a fourth skeletal figure there.

It turns its gaze on Chortles, and then completes the casting of a spell. A light mace materializes in front of the bard, and the disembodied weapon lashes out at him. The weapon strikes the bard upside the head, causing him to see stars.

The prone skeleton grasps at Stonetree ineffectually.

Round 2 (bold may act)
Chortles
Baddies
Dragos
Selethe
Stonetree
Gratus
Osiris

Everyone is up!

Gratus moves into the room and blasts the prone skeleton with fire.

Burning Hands, Reflex DC 15
Fire damage: 2d4 ⇒ (3, 3) = 6

He then orders the dog to smite the foe behind the curtain.

Move, smite, attack
Attack: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (10) + 4 = 14
Damage, smite evil (B+P+S): 1d4 + 3 + 1 ⇒ (2) + 3 + 1 = 6

As the prone Skeleton reaches for Stonetree he raises his leg and stomps.

unarmed strike: 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (12) + 8 = 20
damage: 1d6 + 5 ⇒ (4) + 5 = 9

I am assuming either Gratus roasted the thing or Stonetree's attack was enough to finish it off.

After the skull of the skeleton crumbles under his foot, Stonetree heads towards the other side of the room in an attempt to trap what ever is behind the curtain between him and Dragos.

Dragos tuts as yet another skeleton reveals themselves and moves forwards, round the curtain and taking out his sling. Setting the stone spinning he lets it loose at the remaining skeleton.

Sling: 1d20 + 5 - 4 ⇒ (4) + 5 - 4 = 5 for blunt damage: 1d4 ⇒ 4

Will have double moved towards the now charred skeleton last turn

Tarantio grumbles as the skeleton is turned to ash and stamped on by the alleged eunuch. Dashing forwards and wriggling under the curtain, Tarantio hops on to the Skeletal mage and sinks their enchanted fangs into the creature's leg.

Bite, piranha strike: 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (19) + 8 = 27 for P+B+S damage: 1d3 + 2 ⇒ (1) + 2 = 3

Osiris calmly moves behind the curtain, and tosses a brace of force missiles at the skeletal creature!

Magic Missile: 2d4 + 2 ⇒ (4, 3) + 2 = 9 Force damage.
Trip: 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (15) + 8 = 23.

Selethe stabs at any skeleton left standing. If there are any

attack: 1d20 + 6 ⇒ (2) + 6 = 8
damage: 1d8 + 6 ⇒ (3) + 6 = 9

Gratus nearly incinerates the prone skeleton, but it does manage to hold together. At least until Stonetree's boot crumples its skull.

The summoned canine finds the skeletal creature behind the curtain to be made of sterner stuff, and it can't harm it.

Dragos misses his attack with his sling, while Tarantio moves in for some action. The tiny draconic creature may have let its guard down as it slides under the curtain, for it finds the enemy waiting for it, and takes a wicked cut from a bastard sword across the back. -8 dmg Tarantio grabs the skeleton's leg in its tiny teeth.

Osiris's magic missiles strike the enemy, as he knew they would, and drop it on its back.

Round 2 (bold may act)
Chortles
Baddies
Dragos
Tarantio -8 hp
Selethe
Stonetree
Gratus
Osiris

Chortles is up!

refl save: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (15) + 2 = 17
bastard sword: 1d20 + 7 ⇒ (10) + 7 = 171d10 + 3 ⇒ (5) + 3 = 8

Chortles sees the battle well under control and hopes it not just the stars swirling around his head creating an illusion. He takes a step back around the curtain and uses his Wand of Cure Light Wounds to clear away the fuzz.

Wand CLW: 1d8 + 1 ⇒ (6) + 1 = 7

I'm guessing Chortles took damage from the hammer strike?

Chortles heals all of his wounds with his wand and promptly feels better. Sorry, you had taken 5 dmg and I forgot to say how much. So you heal all of it.

The skeleton rises from the ground prompting an AoO from celestial dog and Tarantio, and slices at the summoned creature with a wicked bastard sword, sending it back to its place of origin in a flash of light.

It moves toward the west of the room, away from the Pathfinders.

Round 3 (bold may act)
Chortles
Baddies -12 hp
Dragos
Tarantio -8 hp
Selethe
Stonetree
Gratus
Osiris

Everyone is up!

Stonetree rushes over and intercepts the skeleton with a fist.
"Ya ain't going anywhere buddy!"

unarmed strike: 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (10) + 8 = 18
damage: 1d6 + 5 ⇒ (5) + 5 = 10

"I thought you brutes had this under control! Guess it's up to me and my bow. Stone tree, out of the way..." Chortles lets fly a massive wound inflicting shaft of hate.

bow attack: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (1) + 5 = 6 for damage: 1d6 + 1 ⇒ (6) + 1 = 7

Stonetree heeding Chortle's warning of incoming fire prepares himself for another close call when he sees the Bard's arrow ricochet off the ceiling.

"What in the bloody hell did the ceiling do to you?" Stonetree booms, not taking his eyes off the remaining skeleton. "I do not know how many times we have to tell you to aim the pointy end of the arrow at the bad guy!"

Chortles flips his bow around to the "right" way. "By Iomedae's honor, you do make things difficult! If your large behind wasn't filling the room... Stand back while I show you how this is done."

He pulls another arrow out of his quiver and works on placing the right end on the string and pointing it the right direction. "Dratted uncouth instrument. My hands are much more fitted for my 'Axe' than this brutish accoutrement."

He sucks on a finger after the arrow's head attacks him.

"Wait for me!" cries Selethe, chasing the skeleton as fast as her clanky armor will let her.

Double move.