*snerk*
Okay that's goofy even by goofy campaign standards.
Nah, I think I'll go with the swashbuckling rogue version. Just seems to me like it'll be more handy to the party, without losing too much of what made the character fun.
Alright, two sailors in an application for Greyhawk. Also, i was thinking a necromancer with a bunch of bodies in his bag of holding could be interesting and sufficiently creepy.
"Pardon me?" Sir Waddaren replies, insulted. "I will not stand for such insults! I will not sit for such slander! I will most certainly not lie down for such indignities! Good sir, I hereby challenge you to a duel!"
"Very well then," the nobleman nods, amused. "State your conditions and your time."
"So be it. The duel will persist to the first disarmament, and the vanquished shall leave town. I would not presume to make this duel to the death: I refuse to lower myself to killing a man such as you. The time for the duel shall be..." at once, Sir Waddaren draws one of his swords and lunges for the nobleman's scabbard, shouting "NOW!"
In a flash, the nobleman, an honest duelist but a very talented one draws his own sword and, in a single stroke, swats Sir Waddaren's short sword out of his hand... and slices right through his belt.
"I commend your enthusiasm, Sir Waddaren, but that was pathetic. Now, begone."
"W-well... You're... Your mustache looks like a dead rat!" Sir Waddaren quips shakily as he picks up his sword and half-run half-stumbles out of the park, holding his sword with one hand and keeping his pants up with the other.
"At least," He thinks as he leaves, knowing that the uproarious laughter coming from the nobles around were most definitely produced by his brilliantly devious retort, "I got the last word against that foppish cheater. How dishonorable, thusly waiting for me to strike before using such an uncouth counter.
Two bards are standing on a bridge. One casts stinking cloud. The other bard says, "I didn't know you knew magic." The first one replies, "I don't!"
"Thank yew, thank yew. I'm here all week. Try the mutton, tip your serving wench!"
Hmm, I'm a bit surprised by this as I was just musing on converting this exact module for my own RL PF group. Mind having someone who might know a bit too much about the layout of the module throw their hat in the ring? I figure I should at least fully disclose my foreknowledge of the subject matter beforehand. I really enjoy this module and would like to put a character with an old time feel to it together for this.
Edit: Just noticed one of the writers is onboard while reading through comments. So any objection you might have had to someone knowing the material would have been thrown at him first. Building one dumb lunk fighter now. Gonna hit things hard.
"So, I ran into a beholder the other day, and boy, are my arms gone!"
"Speaking of which, what do you call a bard with no arms and no legs?"
"A real drag!"
"Fester, I have encountered many jokes in my life, but you are definitely the worst one."
"I remember hearing a good joke, once: An orcish sorcerer walks into a tavern with his parrot familliar on his shoulder. The innkeeper looks amazed. 'Wow! That is quite impressive. Where did you get it?' 'Oh,' the parrot replies, 'Just down the coast, there's a village full of them.'"
"A pirate comes into a tavern with a small ship's wheel where his codpiece should be. Another pirate says, 'What be that?' The first pirate says, 'Arrrgh. It be drivin' me nuts!'"
@GM - Checking if this might fly in the campaign: A Goblin Ranger
Grubyub Sloppybreech (Still working on the last name) was part of a failed raid on a circus campground. One of the circus freaks, a one-armed tamed gnoll called Bip saved him from death and convinced the circus owner to keep Grubyub on as a fellow freak. He's good at eating, making just about anything burn - even milk! - but his real love is archery. With a bow and arrow, Grubyub can shoot an apple off a dog's head...although it took a few tries for him to hit the apple instead of the dog's...well, you get the idea.
Toying with him having a split personality where he thinks he's a dog (emphasizing it by taking the Hard Head/Big Bite trait that would only be available in "dog mode") Then having the trigger be something ridiculous like someone sneezing. Or even GM discretion.
At any rate, let me know if it might work. If so, I'll get cracking immediately on a roll up tonight and have it for you by tomorrow.
"Hi, I am Duncan. But Grammy always calls me Dunc the Lunk. So you can call me that if you like. Grammy says I need to go to Castle Greyhawk. She said Beory shows her the way of things, she says it is where I am sposed to go.
I'm from a little town called Safeton. Apparently my Ma and Pa were great heroes there, but I never got to meet them. They say I have Pa's strength and Ma's gentleness. I try to be nice like Ma... but some times the other boys is mean to me and I get angry. I don't try to be angry, I try to be good. Honest. Grammy used to whup me if I was bad, so I be good. She made sure I learned not to hurt people, she says I don't know my own strength.
When I was a child, I used to play out in the field and the woods. I used to go out for days, catch fish, explore, you know. Grammy says I was blessed by Beory, says I am close to nature and stuff. I like nature, it is nice. I wish my destiny took me into nature, but Grammy says no and I have to be good.
Old Uncle Horace, he show me how to swing a sword like Pa. Said I don't have the wit to learn how to proper, but he thinks I am a natural for the big weapons that take more brute force than skill. I got pretty good at chopping wood. Real good, want to see? No, ok that's ok, I show you some other time. So I learn real good and then Grammy she give me Pa's old gear and says I need to go out and go to the Free City of Greyhawk, she says there is my destiny. Well that is what I am meant to do. So will you let me come with you?"
Okay, updated the profile to hold all the crunch. I'll work on a story and a writing sample tonight.
Again, if this guy won't work, definitely willing to work with alternative ideas!
So... new character rundown, if I'm not mistaken:
Lagrande (Grippli Alchemist)
Drysten Dagger (Halfling Cleric)
The Mad Monkey (Dwarf Monk)
Mika (*race unknown* Witch (White Haired flavored))
Fester the Jester (Gnome Bard (Prankster flavored))
Sir Waddaren (Human Rogue (Complete Braggart))
Grubyub Sloppybreech (Goblin ?)
Duncan "Dunc the Lunk" (Human (Fighter? Ranger?))
"I is what Uncle Horace calls a two-handed fighter. He says it is one of them there fighter archetype thingies."
"There's a wall there?" Fester winks knowingly at the audience. He imitates a mime stuck in a box.
New blood! Eeeeeeeeexcellent.
@Havocprince/Duncan: I don't mind at all. Fester's familiar with the adventure, so there's really only one rule here, and it's the only rule of comedy: Don't Ruin the Punchline. After all, you're familiar with the game - does knowing the astounding plot revelations on level 9 ruin the game for you?
The revelation: there is no plot.
Anyway, the short version is that I don't really mind if you've read the book before. In fact, it might be a plus, since you know what you're getting into. I will, however, silently judge you for joining. Tsk, tsk.
As for Duncan, it's clear you've got a good head for Greyhawk stuff on your shoulders. The mention of Safeton brought a smile to my face. I'm certain that your knowledge will help you.
Maybe even in this game!
@Grubyub: You had me at "goblin carny."
*Rubs thin little hands together and wonders what smells like cabbage*
Good to hear. Okay, here's my writing sample...
"Salsa..." Bip muttered, reading Grub's mind like always. The gnoll made a contented grumble of pleasure as a thin line of drool stretched from his maw like a it was a prison break. At least back in the olden times when old Bip could crunch bones with salsa...maybe not so much now. He was missing some teeth.
The goblin looked back to the humans on the other side of the counter. ”Me Grubyub, you food?” He asked again, feeling a little annoyed. His beady little red eyes narrowing as he jabbed a finger outward. ”You food?”
They just looked stupidly down at him like he was a dog or something. Grub scratched at his head, working his spindly, mottled green fingers under the edges of his worn leather cap. Maybe he was saying it wrong. He removed his hand from underneath his cap, one finger pausing on the way down his face to pick a real corker out of his nose. He flicked the green goo off and it stuck to one of the posts holding up the stall where it made nice with the other results of Grub's nose-mining expeditions.
Grub sighed, losing more patience with the stinky humans. He gestured to add to his words, perhaps the stupid longshanks would get it then. ”Me Grubyub,” he started, patting his hands against the stained front of his studded leather armor. Then he pointed at the front counter of the stall where the dead tasties were laying; fish, mutton even some conies.. ”You food?”
A flicker of light appeared behind the dull brown eyes of the first human. He produced a pair of gold coins and held them out to Grub. The goblin was all too glad to take it. Two gold for any of the food on the counter was way too much. But then again, the humans would be paying him to watch them get gut-twist trying to swallow the food. Grub had been all to happy to put some of the more putrid bits deep inside the cavities. A chittering giggle escaped his mouth as he reached for the payment.
”Not so fast, gobber...” A smirk slid across the human’s face as he whipped the gold pieces just out of Grub’s reach. The other human laughed as the goblin instinctively jumped after the gold but missed.
Grubyub’s red eyes narrowed once more, his hand anxiously flexing as though he were holding the gold right then and there. Suspicion bloomed.
Behind him, Bip growled low and quiet.
”We wanna see ya shoot, gobber. We wanna see ya shoot an apple off a’ post like ya did in the circus.”
The goblin’s hands moved swiftly as he pulled his shortbow from his back and knocked an arrow. ”Grubyub shoot nuts!!”
The second human ducked, his pasty hands going to his crotch as he he shouted. ”Whoa!”
Grub chuckled and smirked, row after row of teeth a stark contrast with his dark, green skin. ”Stupid longshanks...” he muttered in goblin. Then he nodded his over-sized head towards the counter where lay a basket of walnuts. ”Grubyub...shoot...nuts...then...get...gold...” he said slowly so the hairless apes would understand. The goblin's grin broadened when he thought such a comparison would really tweak Ollie and Uter's nose hairs. They were the chimps a few stalls over.
The first one let his left hand fall from where he too was covering his nether regions. ”Uh, yeah...yeah, you shoot da nuts, n’ we give ya the coin fer the food.”
”Coins...” Grub corrected, holding up to fingers for emphasis.
The human only nodded, a smirk growing on his ugly face as he regained some bravery.
Grub nodded and drew his bow and turned about on his heels, loosing two shafts in rapid succession and hitting two of the walnuts in the basket. The goblin proudly turned back and leaned on his bow, eyes closed and a wicked grin of pride on his face displaying his fine set of teeth. ”You pay Grubyub and you foo..”
The sound of running feet and falling baskets interrupted Grub’s demand. Red eyes opened to see the two humans dashing off into the crowd flocking amongst the other circus stalls with a brace of conies and a strip of mutton in their hands. Grub looked around...”No coins...” he whispered, brow furrowing and forming black lines across his mottled green face.
”No coins,” Bip agreed, a couple more words the Gnoll added to the day. He was known for few words, but big wisdom. At least in Grub’s eyes.
”NO COINS!!!!!” Grubyub Sloppybreech shrieked in goblin. He knocked another arrow and readied to fire, but stopped. Too many others in the crowd. Master Orthos would have his green hide if he poked an innocent...even if it was an “almost” accident. But Master Orthos would have his hide if thieves got away with his goods.
So he tossed his bow over to his cot behind the stall counter and tore off at a run, chasing the thieves as they tried to work their way through the crowd. But Grub was small, he could bob and weave and cut through faster. ”Me Grubyub!!” he shouted in human and jumped at the first human, mouth wide, teeth flashing. ”YOU FOOD!!!”
All went to a red haze...and all Grub could remember was the sound of bells and thinking why someone had released the circus master’s hounds...
Hours later, the dawn broke over a mountain top and splashed light onto Grub’s face. The goblin awoke with a start, finding himself in the back of one of the circus carts as it rocked back and forth on the road. He rubbed his little goblin eyes and leaned over the back of the wagon and caught sight of Bip in his cage. It was handy really, Bip’s home was a cage, but it also had wheels. A mobile home!
Grubyub sniffed at the air, noticing a difference. ”What happen? Where Grubyub?”
”You bit men, but stop thieving.” Bip shrugged and went back to fiddling with a ball of multicolored string. ”Now we go to Greyhawk.”
"Grub see that smelly man-meat not buy right weapons for Grub. Went to kid section at gob-mart, found longbow in my size." *chitters and dances while hugging his mattel "Baby's First Longbow" set*
"Ackna rasche!! Grub no see horseychopper, why no horseychopper!! *dances off to pole dance section, then realizes mistake and goes to the pole arms section*
Grubyub Sloppybreech was part of a failed goblin raid on a circus campground. One of the circus freaks, a one-armed, tamed gnoll called Bip saved him from death and convinced the circus owner to keep Grubyub on as a fellow freak. He's good at eating, making just about anything burn - even milk! - but his real love is archery. With a bow and arrow, Grubyub can shoot an apple off a dog's head...although it took a few tries for him to hit the apple instead of the dog's...well, you get the idea.
Although Bip the Gnoll has some pull among the other oddities of the circus, Master Orthos the ringleader saw in Grub a bit more fun. For he'd stumbled upon an impressive character flaw in the toothy goblin. All he had to do was ?????? and Grub suddenly thought he was a slavering goblin-dog, willing to chomp and eat anything in his way.
The crowd seemed to get over Grub's goblinness once they saw him jumping and shooting his bow and interacting with Bip the Gnoll, but they stayed around when Master Orthos let loose the goblin-dog "Muncher". Seeing a goblin rampaging around the center ring tearing apart odds and ends walked the grey borderland of entertainment and comfortableness...but it sold tickets.
...but one day, the joke was on the circus master. One day "Muncher" turned on his master and managed to escape into the wilds near a place called Greyhawk.
Grub is fun-loving, likes to sing-song rhyme from time to time, especially if he's making delightful sport of his enemies. He enjoys a warm strolls in front of a burning building and surprising people with his dog food recipes...you know dog food recipes... Plus he will bite. There's no two ways about it. Don't be shocked if in the course of a nice game of canasta that you find Grubyub gnawing on your leg. He's a goblin, he might go goblin.
The deadline is upon us, fellow applicants. I wish you all good luck.
"Over the hill
Grub makes a kill
To gets the meats
Such tasty treats
His tummy to fill
With doggy named..."
*chomp chomp...* "Bill! Grubyub call you Bill!"
He goes back to roasting and looks back when he hears Cydrius' voice. He spins about and says, "Grubyub say good luck too!" He rocks back and forth on his heels, a grin on his face. "But Bill is Grub's dog...good doggy..." He turns back to the roasting meat and hums to himself as he turns the spit. "Good doggy...good doggy."
After much deliberation, I've made the decision. Legrande, Fester, Dr*sten, Grubyub, Duncan and Sir Waddaren - please report to the Discussion thread to check in!
Have fun all. At least I didn't make an alias :-) It would be hard to use a mad dwarf in an AP.