Minion Misunderstanding

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You are the King/Queen/Leader/Lich/whatever you are. You have minions/henchmen/followers whatever they are.

Give them an order!

The next poster will report back to you, but will have misinterpreted your orders. That poster will then give their minions an order.


Poster 1:

Henchmen! Raise the gates, open the ports!

Poster 2:

We've raised the dead, Sire, and opened the dark portals.

Minions, bring me the head of my enemy!

Poster 3:

We have brought you the head of your Mommy, your Majesty.

Minions! Prepare for war!

We have completed our wills, and the cemetery is ready.

Minions! Collect the Infinity Stones!

We brought you the smallest stones we could find!! (infinitesimal stones)

Minions!! Bring me a banana!!

We have brought you your milkshake, my lord.

Minions!! Collect Sissyl's horned headgear!!

We brought all of her, since it won't come off. She seems pretty angry...

Minions!! Take TFF into the woods, kill him, and bring me his heart!!

I sucked all of his heat out, mistress, he seemed pretty cold after I was through, but I think he made it out of the woods.

Minions!! Bring me Filet Mignon!

Scarab Sages

Forgive us, O Garrulous One, but we could not find this "Filet Mignon" of which you speak - will you settle for Meatloaf?

Minions! Prepare for The Floor Show!

Yes, Master, we'll show you the floor.
*Minions tackle you and bring you to the floor*

Minions, ripe our enemies flesh and eat them alive.

Mistress, we have fattened the enemy's piglets, meant for a roast, and devoured them alive instead, as per your request.

Minions!! Cut down the mightiest tree in the forest, with a herring!!

But, sire! if you cut down a tree, there is some one there to hear it!!

Minions!! I wish for bacon!

I must be hungry... or subconsciously want to eat something

We have brought Kevin Bacon, sir!

Minions, board the ship, loot the plunder!

A plumber? Yes, my captain! We have brought Super Mario. Just keep him away form mushrooms and all will be well!

Minions! Build me a statue!

Scarab Sages

Of course, O Shady Lady! We shall immediately rend you limb from limb, remove your internal organs, and put your various components back together into a sort of postmodern sculpture!

Minions! Don't get hot and flustered, use a bit of mustard!

Grand Lodge

Yessir, we will tun off the furnace powering your undead form and instead feed you hotdogs to sustain your animated corpse!

Minions! Fetch me the minions movie blu-ray disk! On the double!

We have moved the venomous blue-ringed stingray to your private pool as you requested, my Lord. I believe your daughter was swimming there at that time.

Minions, kill the firstborn in all the land!

Yes sir, we have killed all those born first in every family- the elderly, that is.

Minions! Waste some time!

You heard the Master! It's waste time! You there, spread some fecal matter on the throne. The rest of you spread the waste around the floor. I will report our accomplishment.

Henchmen, I need you to plant this letter on the Ambassador.

My lord, we have killed the ambassador, and have started cultivating the letter upon his buried remains.

Minions!! Go and terrorize the Taldan embassy!

Scarab Sages

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*stands in front of Taldan embassy wearing a heavy trench coat; throws trench coat wide open, revealing self to be fully, normally clothed, but also wearing a sign around neck that simply says 'BOO!' in large letters*

Minions! Put Humpty-Dumpty back together again!

Well we had no luck with the whole reassembling thing but we did bring you the worlds largest fried egg!

Minions Capture all these posters on this thread and beat them so they know who the real overlord is!

Your Overlordness! We've brought you some posters so that you can beat something - didn't quite catch that last part. But here's a poster of a lovely boy-band. That will go nicely on your wall. Here's another of, oh, another boy-band. This one can go above the fireplace.

Minions! I want you all to hide!

Scarab Sages

Your Toothiness! By your command, we have all drunk the Hyde formula! We feel younger, lighter, and a thousand times more wicked!!!

Minions! Tiptoe through the tulips with me!

The two lips? Yes, sir, we're going through that giant monster's mouth!

Minions, spread love all over the world!

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We have begun the spreading of butter all over the world, as that seems to be the easiest form of love to spread around. Its a bit like cow's milk decided to hug all your taste-buds one day.

Minions!! Bring me the WIN!!*thunder booms, lightening crackles*

We brought you a glass of wine and an editor to correct your typos, sir.

Minions, defend my lair against intruders.

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It was hard to find, my Most Ominous One, but we managed to locate a de-lice shampoo and conditioner to defend your hair against those little intruders.

Minions! Assemble!

Scarab Sages

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By your command, Great Pineapple, we shall happily play with LEGOs!

Minions! Kill the wabbit, kill the wabbit, kill the WAAAAAAAAABBBIIIIIITTT!!!

Oh great overlord, we have scoured the land for this wabbit with no success. There was a snooty rabbit, but no wabbit.

Minions! Erect a giant golden statue in my honour!

Great Headed One, we have desecrated the Fire Giant's golden statue in your honor. Yeah, we vandalized it and wrote your name all over the base in case they were wondering who did it.

Minions, steal me all the statues from the land!

Scarab Sages

Heavy, Black, and Pendulous One! We have animated all the statues of this land and instructed them to kidnap you!

Minions! Let's all go fly a kite!

Oh He of the Endless Whit and Jingling, we have flayed a kitten as you commanded, and brought you the hide as tribute HUZzAH!

Minions! Bring me all the dragon eggs!

Your lordship, we have brought you the golden eggs from the dragon's hoard. Unfortunately, they turned to lead, we suspect a revenge spellcasting might be the cause.

Minions!! Bring me a shrubbery!!

Dark Archive

Oh fantastic one, we lost the first team to the quest, but we have recovered the basket of shrub berries. Apparently the team ate some of the berries while they were picking them. We believe they are poisonous now, if only we had known then.

Minions! Take a census poll of the people.

A stripper pole has been taken to the people, your Vileness.

Minions! Fetch me a virgin!

Scarab Sages

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Your Flummoxability, I bring you the Virginian you desire! *presents a bound and gagged George Washington*

Minions! Go f*#% yourselves!

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Great Khan of all Khans, we have uhh, mated vigorously with all of you personal elf concubines. It was so nice of you to share, we made you this thank you card.

Minions! Go forth and glean the secrets of the ninja!

Grand Lodge

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We have captured Glen, master! He says 'look out for the walkers!'

Minions, go clean up the ashes of that barbarian.

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Sire! We have gathered together up every Ash we could find!! Um... there is only two of them of any importance, this dude with a chainsaw hand, and this kid who's been 10 for 20 years...

Minions!! I wish... for better internet.

Master, we have shut down every site on the internet, replacing them with pages about Mesopotamian fruit cocktail recipes, super-powered vacuum cleaners, funny cat videos, and some guy's page about testing his neighbours with mangoes.

Minions! Go forth and find the baby that has a crown-shaped birthmark and bring her to me!

A clown-shaped what? Nevermind, we brought IMHIYC.

Minions! Do all the cooking and cleaning for me!

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Mistress, we have roasted the peasants and are busy removing the evidence, as you requested.

Minions!! Fetch the COMFY CHAIR!!

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We found the giant jar of jam in your wardrobe, master. Really, pineapple?

Minions! Burn the land and boil the sea!

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Well we boiled the land no problem but we had no luck what so ever in burning the sea.

Minions! find me a fashionable new hair cut.

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As your requested my Liege, we have brought you every surviving member of this fabulous hair cult. They can't stop chanting, "Ice, Ice, Baby!"

Minions! Destroy my opposition!

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We have brought you this fashionable lock of hair. It was cut from Kileanna the day she went to that goblin hairdressing. It was amazing!

Minions! Take the sky from Sissyl!

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Take the sky from Sissyl? Yes, Mein Herr! But we are now at war with someone named, "Joss Whedon?"

Minions, have you destroyed my opposition yet?

We're on it! We have missiles heading to your position,

Minions, bring my hair back!

Yes Boss; we have destroyed your pet O'possum as you requested

Minions! bring me the orbs of dragon-kind!

Your High and Mighty Foxiness, we have found as many chocolate dragon-kinder eggs as the local confectioners could provide, they warned to not eat them all at once.

Minions! Destroy every marshmallow peep in the world!

Benevolent one we are being sued by the Easter Bunny for placing peeps on everyone's desk, he also says that peeps are not desk toys.

Minions! Haul in the fish with a large net.

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