Your wish is our command. By emptying your pantry, we have kept them from starving.
Minions, there is now no food. Bring me a feast!
Your Most Glorious Brain-In-Tankedness, this is Fr. O'Leary: He will accommodate all of your spiritual needs.
Minions, my gout is acting up! I would have my legs massaged by winsome maidens.
Sire! We have restrained the goats in question! With what message do you want us to send them?
Minions! I desire world domination! Usurp the authority of all world leaders at once!
How did you know the maidens would be wincing, M'Lord? Anyway, they've sent their messages to your legs which read, and I quote, "NOT ON YOUR LIFE!" end quote. If thou would require any other messages for any other body parts, just send word.
Minions! Corral the horses, feed the pigs.
EDIT: The servers are being weird again. Just ignore this post as if it never happened...shhhhh...never happened.
oh hamster of game we have authorized seats for all the world's beavers as you requested.
Minions! mine more uranium; and quickly too; it's almost lunchtime
You want me to "Mine your [REDACTED]" my vulpine divinity?
Well, if you insist...
Minions! Bring me succulents from the four corners of the globe! I would feed.
O best-er goat molester, we have brought to you socks and lenses, delivered on a four-cornered square, which was once your priceless antique globe.
Lackeys! Bring forth a troupe of the world's finest bards and actors to entertain me!
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My exquisite Lord MacShack, we have searched far and wide, and found that this young lady is quite popular-- the specific term used was "Viral," milord. She has quite a song regarding her love of Fridays, and... oh, you're looking a little green, milord...
MINIONS! I demand that you fetch me the finest Absalom wine! At once!
As you command, Foxy Lady!
:ahem:
"But I don't waaana live on an Islaaand! Ugh!"
Minions, bring me the finest puppy in the land, savory and flavorful!
A puppy to save you? Very well. I shall personally shove you off of a cliff, bit fear not! Spot here will catch you at the last second.
Minions! Steal…
Pause for dramatic effect…
The moon!
Your baboon sir, fresh and locally caught.
Minions! release the ferrets!
By your orders, we have brought to life several objects, thereby making them moving objects, or "movies". Their single goal, or what they are about, is getting onto the television during your favourite show.
Minions! Tend to the wounded and count the dead.
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Oh, your All-Seeing Intelligence, we have done as you have ordered and tenderized the wounded and covered them with the dead. There is a rather ... ripe scent coming from the battlefields now, but to each their own, oh Googly-Eyed Brainiac!
Minions! I will be entertaining the hero's female love interest whilst they are separated by my citadel's many walls and many servants. I wish to not be disturbed! Understand?
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Very well, Master Chelaxian. I have hired a really excellent psychotherapist, who will counsel you until you no longer feel disturbed. He seemed perplexed as to why this extended therapy session should take place "under" a night "stand," but your will is law! (Oh, and since you say the lady needs entertainment, I have arranged for her to spend the time with her heroic love interest.)
Minions! Provide me with entertainment suitable to a Taldan noble function by Tuesday evening, or feel my unending wrath!
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As you will, Stony Master: As it pleases you.
Minions! DANCE!
You capitalized dance, which can only mean one thing: It's an acronym for Deconstruct A Neoclassical Canadian Entrance!
*Builds an 1800s style doorway in Canada, then promptly takes it apart.*
Minions! Retrieve the Holy Grail!
Yes m'lord!
Hindsight, miss Something is now scared of synthetic people.
Minions!! Explain to the others there should not be orders to do those things to people.
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Right away.
[Over PA system]
Attention everybody, when doing "those things", there should no longer be any sort of order or regulations to it.
Minions! Prepare my horse. I wish to go for a ride.
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Your horse is all lubed up, Oh Great Phallic Head.
Minions! Hold my chair up high so that all may see!
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Your horse has been prepared, Your Shackiness! There was some deliberation over whether barbecue sauce would complement the flavor better than the mustard and relish we decided on, but we hope it's to your liking. We've put it on skewers, so that you can enjoy it while sitting in your carriage!
MINIONS! I desire an Ifrit serving girl, that I might have the hottest girl in the kingdom at my side.
EDIT: Whoops, disregard, I'm a minute late.
Pale mistress-lady, we haz made you a delicious serving of Ifrit girl.
She not very co-oper....she not want to work with us cooks, so her flesh maybe bit extra tender, we must make sure. We addz plenty of spices.
The hottest girl on a huge plate to your right.
Minions!! Go clean the bloodstains from the kitchen floor and the meat tenderizer!!
@JTDV
At once boss; we shall place the ebar on your head so it may see all!
@Poog
Oh boss of boog we have stained the kitchen floor with the meat tenderizer; it is now extra bloody
Minions! Fuse this poisonous cacti with my collection of 80s music records!
GLORIOUS LEADER ShadeKyubi SAFETY BEAR HAS SET THE FUSE ON THE DYNAMITE ATTACHED TO YOUR BLACK NECK TIE ATTACHED TO YOUR MUSIC RECORDS FROM THE 1580'S!
MINIONS! MAKE THE NEAREST FOREST SAFER BY REMOVING EVERY 11TH LEAF FROM THE FORESTED AREA!
Dread Lord Bearington, we have spread defoliant all over the local flora, the leaves are now a smoky haze upon the wind, watch how they soar.
MINIONS! BRING ME THE HEAD OF WHEDON!
Lady of the Blade Dance, there are, like, five f!!+ing Whedons!
So I slew them. I slew them all. The heads are in a tasteful arrangement on your dining room table, the meat, butchered and in your basement deep freeze, and the pelts cured and dried and waiting to be used for a variety of useful purposes at your direction.
I took the initiative and had some of the boys create some scrimshaw carvings on the bones.
Minions! Put on a blinding display or eroticism that would put the halls of Kublai Kahn's Xanadu to shame!
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Lord Craver of Those That Crave Minerals, we have gathered the sharp-[CENSORED] men of [CENSORED]ia, and now the entire court is blind due to having their eyes poked out by the sharpness of their [CENSORED]. On the plus side, we all enjoyed the skewered grapes provided towards the end, although we admit they taste off.
Minions! Please prepare my next speech to put my people at ease regarding the new beard-shaving tax.
Lady Voluptuous, the speech for putting the people in grease for not paying their beard shaving tax is as follows:
"Hark and Herald! Ladys and Wenches*, Gentlmen and Cannon Fodder. Behold. You must pay your Public Hair Tax, also known as your Beard Shaving Tax, at any time day or night, when ordered to do so, for anytime you 1) shave your beard, or 2) don't shave your beard.
Failure to do so, such as, "being in the latrine and not having your purse with you at the time," is not accetable and will result in being greased up in the boiled fat of the most prolific self-pleasurers and forced to wrestle pond frogs."
*Ladies and Wenches who are not able to grow facial hair will be exempt
Minions! Take a night off.
Lord Craver of Those That Crave Minerals, we have gathered the sharp-[CENSORED] men of [CENSORED]ia, and now the entire court is blind due to having their eyes poked out by the sharpness of their [CENSORED]. On the plus side, we all enjoyed the skewered grapes provided towards the end, although we admit they taste off.
I thought the purpose of this thread was to misunderstand my intentions...
Minions, forge me a new sword from the highest-purity adamantine!
Your Mystical Highness, it was a difficult process, but we have managed to harvest the more solid components of Adam Ant and forge them in to a weapon... of sorts. It is gooey and not very effective.
We have kept the subject alive in case you have further use for him.
My subjects: I would have you slay all who oppose me!
Lady of the Blade Dance, there are, like, five f##@ing Whedons!
So I slew them. I slew them all. The heads are in a tasteful arrangement on your dining room table, the meat, butchered and in your basement deep freeze, and the pelts cured and dried and waiting to be used for a variety of useful purposes at your direction.
I took the initiative and had some of the boys create some scrimshaw carvings on the bones.
Minions! Put on a blinding display or eroticism that would put the halls of Kublai Kahn's Xanadu to shame!
i..thought the point was misunderstanding...
This sandwich is delicious by the way.
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Minions, start a bar fight!
Butterfinger seemed to be winning, but Snickers triumphed in the end!
Minions! Bring me the head of Alfredo Garcia!
As you command, O He Who Lurks Beyond the Shadow of Life, but a bunch of garlic is commonly called a clove, not a head.
At any rate, we used the garlic, some cream, and a very nice wedge of Parmesan to make a delightful Alfredo.
Minions! Kindly prepare a Bloodfeast for the Bonelord.
Oh toucher of goats we have given the adventures the blood sword thereby ensuring your lordship is well and truly boned
Minions! fetch me my chain weapons; before the boss fight starts this time
As you command, oh shadiest of kyubis. We have chained all your weapons up in the deepest cellar, and just in time! I think the cutscene before your boss fight is wrapping up.
Minions! Bring to me a worthy opponent to hunt, à la The Most Dangerous Game.
My Brain-In-Tankedness: We present you with ten fluid ounces of The Most Dangerous Gametes.
You will not enjoy how it is presented to you, I think.
Minions: Centipedes? In MY foes' ear canals?!? It's more likely than you think!
Lord of the Lowing! We have raided all of your dinning rooms, gathered all of the center pieces, and thrown them in your canals. Anything else before retire for the evening?
Minions! Make war, not love!!!
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With relish, Your High Fidelity!
Minions! Henceforth, you shall all wear clown wigs as an additional part of your official battle livery!
By your command, your Mirthful Malevolence! Your forces have engaged in an aggressive program of chronic alcohol abuse: their livers will be brittle in no time! Three, four months, tops.
...maybe six on the outside.
Minions! A shiny gold crown for anyone who can tell me One True Thing!
Sir! We have found you a shiny gold crown. Now, please tell us the One True Thing as we are most curious ever since you mentioned it!!!
Minions! Draw up the borders for our new country!
It shall be done. We shall drop every board that would have otherwise been used fr infrastructure of our new country.
Minions! Lay siege to the enemy's stronghold, and do not stop until they have surrendered unconditionally or they are all dead!
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Lord PuckerFace! We have arrested and beat down your doppelganger; the one who said "describe what life will be LIKE". With that task out of the way, we will obey the True Lord PuckerFace and describe what life will be "ok" after man: Most of it.
Minions! Make sure there are no impersonators of me!
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In accordance with your orders, sir, we will ensure that no one can impersonate you. To ease the task, we have hired an incredibly… effective assassin and give him pictures of you, with orders to kill anyone who looks like the pictures. What could go wrong?
Minions! The enemy marches upon us. Fill the moat with lava, release the fire-immune sharks, prepare the cannons, and rally the troops!
Yes, Your Evilness! We bought out Wal-Mart of all of the bars of Lava we could find and have thrown them all in the moat! We then hired a dozen of the finest pool sharks competing at the National Eight-Ball Championship—they're chalking their cues as we speak! Our order from Ritz Camera for fifty Canon EOS Rebels just shipped! And according to Instagram, the troops are really ejoying themselves at the Akron Auto Rally!
MINIONS!! Unleash the Legions of Terror!
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Your Grotesquerie, we have released the legion of terra cotta from your planned necropolis, that they may begin their service to you early!
One of them fell over and broke. A few of them, actually. Some of them....
MINIONS! Travel about the realm and collect more components for my traps and spells!