Goofus and Gallant


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Scarab Sages

Goofus demands his PCs roll Fortitude saves versus mold spores every time they enter a dungeon, Reflex saves at semirandom intervals in the dungeon crawl so they don't slip on wet stones, and a collective Will save when the PCs form into their marching order to prevent themselves from conga line-dancing all the way through the dungeon.

Gallant sees four lights.

Liberty's Edge

Pathfinder Card Game, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Roleplaying Guild, Tales Subscriber

Goofus bills Gallant for excessive electricity use, and charges him 1000% wholesale for switching to LEDs. Then, he crushes the compact flourescents and lays them carefully on Gallant's doorstep, just in time for the morning paper retrieval.

Gallant writes home to mom twice a week.

Silver Crusade

After his players got tired of being harassed by strangers, Goofus now write his mother's name and number next to "For a good time call"-twice a week.

Gallant bought a Game Master's Guide to help improve his skills, and learned a few new tricks from it.

Scarab Sages

Goofus did the same with John Cleese's How to Irritate People.

Gallant knows that gaming attracts a lot of awkward, strange, quirky people whose personal realities often contradict society's wider narrative, and adheres to the principle of "innocent until proven guilty" when judging new players.

Silver Crusade

Goofus is very eager to subject his players to a trial. By fire.

Gallant trusts that his GM is always acting in the best interest of the game, and is willing to go with the flow when it makes for a better story.

Liberty's Edge

Pathfinder Card Game, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Roleplaying Guild, Tales Subscriber

Goofus undermines his GM as frequently as possible, whether by rules lawyering, casting as many summons as he can to monopolize player turns, min-maxing like a demon, or slaying every NPC the GM introduces.

Gallant helps old ladies cross the street at every opportunity.


Goofus charges old ladies exorbitant fees before he'll help them across the street. And he still doesn't know why his Paladin fell.

Gallant asks his players what kind of campaign they want to play in before preparing it, to ensure that everyone has a good time.

Liberty's Edge

Pathfinder Card Game, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Roleplaying Guild, Tales Subscriber

Goofus asks his players what kind of campaign they want to play in before preparing it, runs the first 3/4 of the first scene as they wanted it, and then unloads his own devilish, horrific and oppressive twists over the next 20 levels.

Gallant always asks if someone wants the last slice before taking it.


Goofus always asks if someone wants the last slice because he loves the annoyed look on other people’s faces when he takes it anyway.

Gallant is patient with new players who are struggling to learn the rules.

Liberty's Edge

Pathfinder Card Game, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Roleplaying Guild, Tales Subscriber

Goofus is so irritated by new players, he taxes their patience by repeating the rules at every opportunity.

Gallant masters his rage so that his rage doesn't become his master.


Goofus was sued by Marvel for infringing on the Incredible Hulk.

Gallant doesn’t disparage people online with different gaming preferences with his with language like “roll-player” or “special snowflake.”


Goofus insults even people with his gaming preferences

Gallant sacrificed his 3-year character to save a group of orphans

Scarab Sages

Goofus sacrificed a 3-year old orphan to save his character 25 gp on an offering for augury spell.

Gallant roleplays his divination spells using inspiration from actual folk divination techniques.


Goofus roleplays his divination spells by grabbing the next chapter of the adventure path and memorizing it.

Gallant lets his players stay the night of bad weather makes the trip home too dangerous.

Scarab Sages

Goofus does the same, and even has a special RPG planned for the occasion: Hardcore LARP murder mystery!

Gallant uses common sense and basic ethics when interpreting the rules. No "cheese" for him.


His fellow players claim you can catch the whiff of roquefort when Goofus goes on one of his long-winded rule interpretation arguments.

Gallant raises complaints with the GM after the game in a well-composed e-mail, stating his concerns without falling to insults.


When Goofus has a complaint about the rules he tells the gm by throwing a rock through the window, with a note filled with obscenities and very few rule complaints

When Gallant thinks one of his character's needs an alignment change he tells the player than explains why.


Goofus broke into each of his player’s homes and wrote “chaotic evil” in the alignment section of their character sheets. When asked why, he explained that good characters would have complimented his GMPC more.

Gallant knows that one of his player’s has arachnophobia and checks if it’s okay with them before including giant spiders as enemies in his encounters.


Goofus knows that one of his players has arachnophobia, so he cooks spiders and makes a spider only game

Gallant runs a one-shot for one of his player's son's birthday party after a request


Goofus one-shots his player's son's PC in the surprise round of first combat on his birthday.

Gallant is willing to bend the rules a little bit for a PC to have an interesting character, so long as it doesn't upset the game balance.


Goofus teleports any player who doesn't stick to the rules exactly into Tiamat's stomach.

Gallant keeps a man warm for a day by building him a fire.

Scarab Sages

Goofus builds a wicker man and keeps a hundred men, women, and children warm for the rest of their lives.

Gallant records his observations of the many strange cultures that he and his army do battle with scrupulously, fairly, and honestly; though he is required to fight them as part of his duty to his people and his liege, his duty to posterity and Truth is even greater.


Goofus takes note of the strange culture's ways, and than mocks their cultures with his army buddies as he slaughters women and children

Gallant is respectful of other's comfort levels when DMing, making sure he does not violate player's comfort zone

Scarab Sages

Goofus is deeply uncomfortable with blood, sharp blades, fire, death, nudity, pirates, assassins, tentacles, or anything at all that violates his religious beliefs (such as sorcery, homosexuality, gambling, alcohol, polytheism, and portrayal of males as having just as many ribs as females). The only game his group ever gets to play is Settlers of Catan. One person eventually got fed up and complained, so Goofus vented about that player on Twitter, leading to a mob harassment campaign that ended with the player's suicide.

Gallant approaches every new setting and system he is introduced to with a fresh mind; he does not mistake the concepts and mechanics of games he's used to for a universal truth how ALL games "should be" - after all, he's in an entirely different universe now!


Goofus plays 5th edition and uses his pathfinder character, because "They are called UNIVERSEal rules for a reason guys"

Gallant holds off until everyone has made a character to make his so the party is thoroughly balanced


Goofus keeps the party thoroughly balanced by beating anyone who disagrees with his character dictates into submission.

Gallant doesn't sing Disney songs at the table unless requested to avoid annoying people.


Goofus has a battle music playlist with exclusively disney songs

Gallant tries to avoid making to overpowered characters so that everyone is the same power level

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