Need help with possibly the wierdest question known to man.


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I have a druid in my group with an Axe Beak. After finding out how much baby Axe Beaks are worth, He asked if he could use Wild Shape to turn into an Axe Beak to fertilize the eggs. I really don't know what to say and Paizo doesn't cover this.


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"No."

"..."

"Ya sick f**&."


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Wow...

Wow...

Let him do it, but then when he turns back have him make a roll. If he fails he finds out the female Axe Beak wasn't clean and now he has Bird Flu AIDS

He'll think twice before being a wierdo again. P.S. Hide your wife. Hide your kids.


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Look him dead in the eye and smile as big as you can. Maintain eye contact and say "Sure. Do it. I dare you."

If he persists have the female axbeak crack his skull in when he tries.

Scarab Sages

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Ya. I would so make up some horrible, Terrible, ITCHY form of HerpaGhonnaSyphilAIDS for that


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Let him do it. How different is it from a human doing a dwarf, or even a dryad. If you feel bad because it's a non-sentient monster, use Awaken on it.

We can mate chocobos as kids in FF series, but a guy who spends more than half his life as a beast can't do anything?

Lantern Lodge

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All of the above but force him to romance the Bird first for lols.

Dark Archive

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He can't by RAW. The wild shape allows to assume the form, and not the type or any other functions or abilities, besides "climb 30 feet, fly 30 feet (average maneuverability), swim 30 feet, darkvision 60 feet, low-light vision, and scent." If you should have the ability to fertilizer females of the specimen, the spell text should specify this.


Tiago Oliveira wrote:
He can't by RAW. The wild shape allows to assume the form, and not the type or any other functions or abilities, besides "climb 30 feet, fly 30 feet (average maneuverability), swim 30 feet, darkvision 60 feet, low-light vision, and scent." If you should have the ability to fertilizer females of the specimen, the spell text should specify this.

Right, so he can't chew, because it doesn't specify that he can. Neither can he purr or waggle his tail. Of course they won't put something like that in a book, it's a mix of common sense and gm fiat.

Can he pee while in dog form, yes he can, so he has a pee-pee.

Sczarni

I woudl say since it does nto change your creature type you could not do it. Because from what Tiago posted it seems you retain being a humanoid.

Dark Archive

Ramza Wyvernjack wrote:
Tiago Oliveira wrote:
He can't by RAW. The wild shape allows to assume the form, and not the type or any other functions or abilities, besides "climb 30 feet, fly 30 feet (average maneuverability), swim 30 feet, darkvision 60 feet, low-light vision, and scent." If you should have the ability to fertilizer females of the specimen, the spell text should specify this.

Right, so he can't chew, because it doesn't specify that he can. Neither can he purr or waggle his tail. Of course they won't put something like that in a book, it's a mix of common sense and gm fiat.

Can he pee while in dog form, yes he can, so he has a pee-pee.

However, he can do all this in the humanoid form (maybe not waggle the tail), he is not winning new abilities.

And ok, the can pee, but it will be a humanoid pee and not a dog pee.


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Let him do it and even sell the eggs. Them have his customers find him and want their money back because he sold them human bird crossbreed spawn babies. Plus they should come at him with an angry mob because clearly he is an agent of Rovagug/Lamashtu.

Dark Archive

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A last note:

The idea remembered me the Greek god Zeus, which used to get women pregnant in an animal form.


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Tiny Coffee Golem wrote:
Let him do it and even sell the eggs. Them have his customers find him and want their money back because he sold them human bird crossbreed spawn babies. Plus they should come at him with an angry mob because clearly he is an agent of Rovagug/Lamashtu.

Yes! Somehow...in SOMEway Lamashtu should get involved in this.

Guys this is plotline gold in the making.


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I could see the argument that he is not truly genetically a bird so his actual genetic makeup would be incompatible to reproduce with a bird...however I see no reason he couldn't tap that bird ass. You could either let him know it isn't possible or let him bang birds so many times before he figures it out himself.

And thus he earns his true nickname: Chickenf*ucker the Bold.

Silver Crusade

O.O

Wha...

I...

Just...

But...

...

...

...

... I'm going to just leave now.


Tiago Oliveira wrote:


Probably, during the use of wild shape, it's possible to fertilizer a humanoid, because all things that leave your body should return to the original race at last in the ability end.

A terrible mental image.


Tiago Oliveira wrote:
Ramza Wyvernjack wrote:
Tiago Oliveira wrote:
He can't by RAW. The wild shape allows to assume the form, and not the type or any other functions or abilities, besides "climb 30 feet, fly 30 feet (average maneuverability), swim 30 feet, darkvision 60 feet, low-light vision, and scent." If you should have the ability to fertilizer females of the specimen, the spell text should specify this.

Right, so he can't chew, because it doesn't specify that he can. Neither can he purr or waggle his tail. Of course they won't put something like that in a book, it's a mix of common sense and gm fiat.

Can he pee while in dog form, yes he can, so he has a pee-pee.

However, he can do all this in the humanoid form (maybe not waggle the tail), he is not winning new abilities.

And ok, the can pee, but it will be a humanoid pee and not a dog pee.

The trait that you keep the most basic bodily functions isn't an ability, that's like saying his fur won't keep him warm fluffwise, because it doesn't say it functions that way.

The polymorph school also says:
"While most of these should be obvious, the GM is the final arbiter of what abilities depend on form and are lost when a new form is assumed."
So it's up to gm if he decides that "reproduction" is an /ability/ he doesn't lose.

Btw, do we keep the ability to poop, it doesn't say. How much can we eat, if I change into a large bear, do I eat as much as a medium human, it doesn't say.

Why can we get breathing in a new environment as a free ability when we turn into an aquatic or burrowing creature, but not the other basic bodily functions that were too crude and obvious to be mentioned or questioned?

Lantern Lodge

kmal2t wrote:

I could see the argument that he is not truly genetically a bird so his actual genetic makeup would be incompatible to reproduce with a bird...however I see no reason he couldn't tap that bird ass. You could either let him know it isn't possible or let him bang birds so many times before he figures it out himself.

And thus he earns his true nickname: Chickenf*ucker the Bold.

All i have to say to the whole "actual genetic makeup would be incompatible" is half-dragons, Centaur, Minotaur and those dark elf spider centaur things. If the genetic make up does not work y did it with those examples?


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What's the alignment of selling your children into slavery?


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Definitely let him do it. Wait until just after the eggs hatch (just before he can sell the birds). Then, if he is of a good alignment, have him be visited by an elder from the church. "You are a respected member of our community, so I hate to bring this up with you, but we performed an augury which predicted that you are in peril of losing your immortal soul. The augury suggested (and I assume there must be some mistake) that you would SELL YOUR OWN CHILDREN INTO SLAVERY." See what he does.

If he's playing an evil character who wouldn't mind having the church tell him that he's wrong, then he can pass by an old gypsy woman or soothsayer on the street who cries out to him: "The gods have told me to warn you . . . a most terrible misfortune will befall you if you ever SELL YOUR OWN CHILDREN INTO SLAVERY!"

Either way, the point is that it's an opportunity for interesting role playing. It gives the player a strong nudge to have his character experience a change of heart when he realizes what he is doing. But, of course, if he DOES have a change of heart, then what is he going to do with the baby Axe Beaks? A perfect adventure hook. The thing just writes itself.


Psion-Psycho wrote:
kmal2t wrote:

I could see the argument that he is not truly genetically a bird so his actual genetic makeup would be incompatible to reproduce with a bird...however I see no reason he couldn't tap that bird ass. You could either let him know it isn't possible or let him bang birds so many times before he figures it out himself.

And thus he earns his true nickname: Chickenf*ucker the Bold.

All i have to say to the whole "actual genetic makeup would be incompatible" is half-dragons, Centaur, Minotaur and those dark elf spider centaur things. If the genetic make up does not work y did it with those examples?

Uhhh i'm pretty sure out of those 4 only Half-Dragons are the result of breeding with other species.

Grand Lodge

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If you are a worshiper of Lamashtu, there is an item that will allow you to interbreed with animals that are within one size category of your size.

This is the Demon Mother's Mask.

You won't even need to wildshape.

Lantern Lodge

BuzzardB wrote:
Psion-Psycho wrote:
kmal2t wrote:

I could see the argument that he is not truly genetically a bird so his actual genetic makeup would be incompatible to reproduce with a bird...however I see no reason he couldn't tap that bird ass. You could either let him know it isn't possible or let him bang birds so many times before he figures it out himself.

And thus he earns his true nickname: Chickenf*ucker the Bold.

All i have to say to the whole "actual genetic makeup would be incompatible" is half-dragons, Centaur, Minotaur and those dark elf spider centaur things. If the genetic make up does not work y did it with those examples?
Uhhh i'm pretty sure out of those 4 only Half-Dragons are the result of breeding with other species.

Going from actually mythology both the Centaur and Minotaur are the offspring of a dude porking an animal.


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How is his Perform: Axe Beak mating dance skill? I would suggest a DC 20 check that he'll have to make before finding out that polymorphed humans are genetically incompatible with birds.

Lantern Lodge

I do find that the popularity of this thread to be both fun and particularly frightening lol.


Tiny Coffee Golem wrote:
Let him do it and even sell the eggs. Them have his customers find him and want their money back because he sold them human bird crossbreed spawn babies. Plus they should come at him with an angry mob because clearly he is an agent of Rovagug/Lamashtu.

This.

Not only poetic justice, but you can argue this is pure RAW.


Psion-Psycho wrote:
BuzzardB wrote:
Psion-Psycho wrote:
kmal2t wrote:

I could see the argument that he is not truly genetically a bird so his actual genetic makeup would be incompatible to reproduce with a bird...however I see no reason he couldn't tap that bird ass. You could either let him know it isn't possible or let him bang birds so many times before he figures it out himself.

And thus he earns his true nickname: Chickenf*ucker the Bold.

All i have to say to the whole "actual genetic makeup would be incompatible" is half-dragons, Centaur, Minotaur and those dark elf spider centaur things. If the genetic make up does not work y did it with those examples?
Uhhh i'm pretty sure out of those 4 only Half-Dragons are the result of breeding with other species.
Going from actually mythology both the Centaur and Minotaur are the offspring of a dude porking an animal.

Actually I think in mythology it was a white bull that had sex with a human woman to create the Minotaur.

I was, however, referring to D&D/PF creatures. Fairly certain they are not the results of inter species breeding. And Driders specifically are the result of poisons and elixers.

Grand Lodge

Yes, Lamashtu is your answer.

Some of the eggs may hatch into strange malformed hybrids, but fertility is not something you should worry about.


Does he realize that female Axebeaks eat their mates?


Psion-Psycho wrote:
kmal2t wrote:

I could see the argument that he is not truly genetically a bird so his actual genetic makeup would be incompatible to reproduce with a bird...however I see no reason he couldn't tap that bird ass. You could either let him know it isn't possible or let him bang birds so many times before he figures it out himself.

And thus he earns his true nickname: Chickenf*ucker the Bold.

All i have to say to the whole "actual genetic makeup would be incompatible" is half-dragons, Centaur, Minotaur and those dark elf spider centaur things. If the genetic make up does not work y did it with those examples?

Half-Dragons, like Half-Celestials and Half-Fiends were justified in that their non-mundant parent is a magical being, and thus can breed with almost anything.

Centaurs and Minotaurs are their own species of magical beast, not the result of a humanoid and animal attempting to reproduce normally.

and I'm not sure about what the setting neutral Driders are, but they're considered abberations, and in the forgotten realms are the result of a person being changed into one.

Silver Crusade

Here is what I would do. Let him go through with it, 'secretly' roll dice 1 time a month, and never get results, but encourage him to keep trying, and that maybe it could work. Thats justice enough.


BuzzardB wrote:

Yes! Somehow...in SOMEway Lamashtu should get involved in this.

Guys this is plotline gold in the making.

This!

I honestly feel that there should be an alignment hit or something because of this act.

Lantern Lodge

Elosandi wrote:
Psion-Psycho wrote:
kmal2t wrote:

I could see the argument that he is not truly genetically a bird so his actual genetic makeup would be incompatible to reproduce with a bird...however I see no reason he couldn't tap that bird ass. You could either let him know it isn't possible or let him bang birds so many times before he figures it out himself.

And thus he earns his true nickname: Chickenf*ucker the Bold.

All i have to say to the whole "actual genetic makeup would be incompatible" is half-dragons, Centaur, Minotaur and those dark elf spider centaur things. If the genetic make up does not work y did it with those examples?

Half-Dragons, like Half-Celestials and Half-Fiends were justified in that their non-mundant parent is a magical being, and thus can breed with almost anything.

Centaurs and Minotaurs are their own species of magical beast, not the result of a humanoid and animal attempting to reproduce normally.

and I'm not sure about what the setting neutral Driders are, but they're considered abberations, and in the forgotten realms are the result of a person being changed into one.

Well im to lazy to check out the bestiary for the axe beak so if there not a magic beast then i believe there is a way to make them such in which case it would be a viable option of taking the poor thing to pound town after a candle lit dinner and a silent image viewing (movie).

Grand Lodge

Okay.

A lot of the crazy creatures in Golarion have creation stories.

A number were created through a blessing by Lamashtu, either through her allowing two species to interbreed, or breeding directly with creatures.


Maybe that's where the Tengu came from?

Silver Crusade

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As GM you must be licking your chops at all of the fun you can have with this development.

In the end I don't think you're going to get a RAW or even RAI answer. Just make a decision and turn it into a ton of fun for your group.


I have had the very same question arise at my table. I see nothing wrong with it, however, I would say any druid that would sell any animal, let alone their own child, needs to be banished from the order

Grand Lodge

As stated, the Demon Mother's Mask allows a RAW way to interbreed with animals.

Nab the Lamashtu's Mark feat, and they will also be Fiendish.


Vod Canockers wrote:
Does he realize that female Axebeaks eat their mates?

Actually they don't. From the Bonus Beastiary:

Axe beaks are relatively social creatures, forming small
groups in which both males and females hunt together. They
nest in immense mounds made of sticks, branches, leaves,
and whatever else they can scavenge (including the bones
and equipment of previous meals), with each nest used by
a large group of axe beaks. Females typically lay clutches
of 1d4+1 eggs once per year, which the parents take turns
keeping warm for 2 months. At the end of this period, the
axe beaks break hatchlings out of their shells. These
young are fed by their parents for 2 more months
before they begin hunting on their own.


I appreciate all of your responses. I'm going to allow it for only the comical value that will come out afterwards. He may make 1500g, but there will be a consequence.


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Diasent wrote:
He may make 1500g, but there will be a consequence.

Custody battles with his newly awakened Axe Beak ex-wife?

Sczarni RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 16, RPG Superstar 2015 Top 32

Point out that this is Pathfinder, not Farmville.

Okay, joking aside, tell him it would be easier to just buy a male axe beak and a farm. Less hassle, confusion, and problems. Besides, what traveling mount would continue to be useful after it had babies to care for?


He'll get cuckolded by the Wizard's Raven Familiar.


Tiny Coffee Golem wrote:

Let him do it and even sell the eggs. Them have his customers find him and want their money back because he sold them human bird crossbreed spawn babies. Plus they should come at him with an angry mob because

clearly he is an agent of Rovagug/Lamashtu.

My vote for best answer.

Grand Lodge

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Pathfinder PF Special Edition, Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

You're no more a true axebeak in a polymorph spell than you would be if you were just wearing a chicken suit.

The polymorph spells don't make you the actual creature, they essentially put you in an organic suit.

Grand Lodge

I would have his actions attract the attention of Lamashtu worshipers who are also inclined towards such love.

Perhaps inviting him to join their group. Joining, or refusing would both have possibly bad consequences.

Liberty's Edge

One sec.... a HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

All honesty, a farm would work. Profession right there. If I saw my friends putting the moves on me, I'd use my Axebeak too.

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