This thread will be a discussion about your past and near recent experiences when it comes down to plain retarded decisions. I'll start out with a session I had today. We had a side mission that told us to look out for three different rare flowers. A nightshade lotus, a winters breath, and a cerulean tear. Both our cleric and sorcerer headed to forlorn row to look for the nightshade lotus, for it was rumored to be in unnatural dark places. They were being trailed by a group of thieves and knew they were. That is they knew they were being trailed by a group of people. So they turned around and asked why they were following them. They asked why the cleric and sorcerer were in such a place like this, after all its not that safe. The sorcerer replied, "We're looking for a rare flower called the nightshade lotus. Apparently it's supposed to be some where around here". The one of the thieves replied, "Well I think that there might be some in the way back of that alley where the bush seems overgrown. So our two adventurers say thanks and go back to look. They mugged our fellow party members for 900 gold. There were six of them and they should of stolen 200 golds worth of armor and 950 golds worth of wands. In the mean time the bard, the urban barbarian, and the paladin(myself) went to check the shores for cerulean tear flowers. We ended up capturing a thief boating illegal passengers across into the caves. What's interesting about this is that the caves are spoken to have dark necromancy in them and are prohibited to go into. These caves are another likely option for nightshade lotus flowers. Guess what, because we arrested that thief we got a one time access to search the caves. I told those two to not go off on their own.
I had a guy in a group I played in roll up a sorcerer/wizard/bard. [facepalm]
I once had a character who followed the right-hand man of Asmodeus through a portal directly into Asmodeus' chambers. The character was CG and fearless. And quite dead soon afterward.
What was the other players reactions when he did it?
One time I made a new thread post that didn't have any paragraphs.
Any retarded decisions related to pathfinder and/or d&d dealing with in game situations?
I had a guy in a group I played in roll up a sorcerer/wizard/bard. [facepalm]
Why?
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I once had a character who followed the right-hand man of Asmodeus through a portal directly into Asmodeus' chambers. The character was CG and fearless. And quite dead soon afterward.What was the other players reactions when he did it?
Oddly, it was a great moment in that campaign. We were looking to wrap it up and that character was already known for being both fearless and overconfident, while somehow managing to be entertaining. He kept a book that he wrote his "great deeds" into (always changed to make him the sole hero).
When he went into the portal Asmodeus told him he was to betray his companions. He rolled a nat 20 on both my ad-hoc "alignment" check and his save versus fear. Asmodeus got angry and grabbed my poor halfling and began squeezing him, repeating his demand. The halfling again nat 20'd the fear check, and also managed to squeeze and arm out just enough to flip off the devil himself.
Afterwards the party members went their separate ways, though the cleric found a nice present my character had tossed into their backpack just before he went through the portal (hit like a 40 on sleight of hand for it to go unnoticed). The present? An artifact-level holy symbol. I'm not even sure if the DM had bothered defining its powers yet.
PS: That present was actually what Asmodeus was after.
I once had a character who followed the right-hand man of Asmodeus through a portal directly into Asmodeus' chambers. The character was CG and fearless. And quite dead soon afterward.What was the other players reactions when he did it?Oddly, it was a great moment in that campaign. We were looking to wrap it up and that character was already known for being both fearless and overconfident, while somehow managing to be entertaining. He kept a book that he wrote his "great deeds" into (always changed to make him the sole hero).
When he went into the portal Asmodeus told him he was to betray his companions. He rolled a nat 20 on both my ad-hoc "alignment" check and his save versus fear. Asmodeus got angry and grabbed my poor halfling and began squeezing him, repeating his demand. The halfling again nat 20'd the fear check, and also managed to squeeze and arm out just enough to flip off the devil himself.
Afterwards the party members went their separate ways, though the cleric found a nice present my character had tossed into their backpack just before he went through the portal (hit like a 40 on sleight of hand for it to go unnoticed). The present? An artifact-level holy symbol. I'm not even sure if the DM had bothered defining its powers yet.
PS: That present was actually what Asmodeus was after.
Wow that's pretty awesome way to go out. At least you screwed someone over. My party members just lost a bunch of crap.
The module H4 Throne of Bloodstone (levels 18-100 adventure).
PC's walk up to the gate to the City of 1,000 Liches in Orcus's realm to parlay. One of them was wearing a Helm of Brilliance...
You only make that mistake once and almost defines the word 'irony'.
Should of just decked themselves in holy artifacts and holy weapons. Just to aggravate the DM to wipe the party. xD
Oldie but a goodie. Way back in 2nd ed I once had a mage get set on fire by a deathknight. The amusing thing was however was another party member ( the ranger) then poured hard spirits (whiskey) upon the poor flaming mage in a poorly thought out attempt at putting her out. To the whole groups shouts and dumbfounded shock he says
"Whats its wet and liquid, wet puts out fire!"
That player still gets teased about that.
Why?
Because he said he wanted to as a joke and I pointed out to him exactly how bad an idea it was. So of course he wants to play the most crippled thing he could possible make under core rules.
Our party was in the middle of overthrowing a tyranny when a mole had betrayed us. All the bases had been burned down by the kings army and a hired elite group of mages. My character had killed one of them a few days earlier and kept the cloak and mask. While roaming the city we passed by one of the groups burning down another base so I had a brilliant plan. Around a corner I went and out of that corner came a black cadre mage ready to join the battle. It was really my character in disguise, but failing to tell anyone my plan, they assumed that I was really a one of the enemy and I got attacked from behind. It could've worked.
Hey, I was playing a character with a Wisdom of 8...
Oldie but a goodie. Way back in 2nd ed I once had a mage get set on fire by a deathknight. The amusing thing was however was another party member ( the ranger) then poured hard spirits (whiskey) upon the poor flaming mage in a poorly thought out attempt at putting her out. To the whole groups shouts and dumbfounded shock he says
"Whats its wet and liquid, wet puts out fire!"
That player still gets teased about that.
Lol.
Our party was in the middle of overthrowing a tyranny when a mole had betrayed us. All the bases had been burned down by the kings army and a hired elite group of mages. My character had killed one of them a few days earlier and kept the cloak and mask. While roaming the city we passed by one of the groups burning down another base so I had a brilliant plan. Around a corner I went and out of that corner came a black cadre mage ready to join the battle. It was really my character in disguise, but failing to tell anyone my plan, they assumed that I was really a one of the enemy and I got attacked from behind. It could've worked.
Hey, I was playing a character with a Wisdom of 8...
That sounds like what a 5 wisdom character would do. xD
Way back in 1st edition I was running Keep on the Borderlands...
He was known as "lefty" after that incident.
RPG Superstar 2015 Top 32, RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32
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Played a PFS scenario where one of the first things you (can) do is scale the outside wall of a boarded-up cathedral. You're told that it's a pretty easy climb, but obviously it's not DC 0 so you still have to make checks. Turns out my cleric of Desna has the best Climb modifier of the group (next best was a low-STR paladin in heavy armor), so I try to climb up so I can tie off a rope for everyone else.
It takes 3-4 rounds and multiple expenditures of my "Bit of Luck" domain power to get to the top. Weeks later, something brings that scenario to mind, and it dawns on me: why didn't I just say "I take 10"? I wouldn't have known that it would've succeeded since I didn't know the DC, but it sure would've been worth starting off with just in case.
Oy.
Kids, learn the take 10 rules! :P
Why?Because he said he wanted to as a joke and I pointed out to him exactly how bad an idea it was. So of course he wants to play the most crippled thing he could possible make under core rules.
But, just think of all the cantrips!
This took place back in the 1st edition days, but we still talk about it today.
I don’t recall what led up to this, but at this point in the game I was GMing there was a mass fight in a tavern. The tavern owner was behind the bar, basically crying over the destruction of his place. So one of the PC’s goes over to the bar and orders a cup of java.
So the tavern owner says OK, you want java, I will give you java. He pours the liquid into a mug then takes out small vial, and adds some green liquid. He stirs it up, angrily shoves it toward the PC, and says there is your damn java.
And the player says – I drink it.
I still did not have the heart to kill the PC, so he fell unconscious, and an ugly female half-orc sat on his face for the duration of the battle.
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We had some of those.
GM: "You see one of the Skymages land on the main plaza with his large big black dragon and storm inside."
Player: "Sweet, I hop up and give it the spurs"
GM: "It eats you"
Is what should have happened.
Instead, other characters who knew a bit more about dragons held him back. Spoilsports.
And then there was this, happening inside a mind flayer fortress
GM: "You enter the room. It's about 3m on a side, and it contains nothing but table in the middle of the room with a bottle on top of it. The bottle is filled with a weird liquid."
Dwarf: "I bet it's wine. I walk up to the table and oneshot the bottle.
GM:
GM:
GM:
GM: "That's mind flayer wine. They drink it. They can drink it. It's not madly dangerous for them. For humanoids, one drop can drop you into a month-long coma. Please make an ass-full of saving throws"
And more:
GM: "You finally get the bars off the window, you put your head out of the window and look down. And down. About 70m down, you see the deep, cold ocean."
Player: "I jump! Freedom, here I come!"
GM: "Alright, it actually takes a while for you to reach the water, which receives you with all the gentleness of concrete, but that's okay, you can't swim, anyway."
Player: "Hey look, my character can actually climb!"
The whole table: "...."
Even more:
GM: "Alarmed by the considerable noise, you manage to get off the road and hide in the shrubbery. Not too early, just as you get into hiding, a minotaur army rounds the corner. You guess about 100 minotaur soldiers, some of them are probably elite warriors judging from their better gear, while others wear shamans' ceremonial garb."
Paladin: "Those are evildoers, I may not let them pass! I walk onto the road and tell them to stop in the name of the King."
To his credit, they took him somewhat seriously: They didn't just march right over him, but actually attacked him and transformed him into a fine red mist with minotaur-sized weapons and the shamans' flame strikes.
Played a PFS scenario where one of the first things you (can) do is scale the outside wall of a boarded-up cathedral. You're told that it's a pretty easy climb, but obviously it's not DC 0 so you still have to make checks. Turns out my cleric of Desna has the best Climb modifier of the group (next best was a low-STR paladin in heavy armor), so I try to climb up so I can tie off a rope for everyone else.
It takes 3-4 rounds and multiple expenditures of my "Bit of Luck" domain power to get to the top. Weeks later, something brings that scenario to mind, and it dawns on me: why didn't I just say "I take 10"? I wouldn't have known that it would've succeeded since I didn't know the DC, but it sure would've been worth starting off with just in case.
Oy.
Kids, learn the take 10 rules! :P
First campaign I fell into a valley because I forgot to tie myself off.
Way back in 1st edition I was running Keep on the Borderlands...
** spoiler omitted **
He was known as "lefty" after that incident.
Replacement hand anytime in the future?
But, just think of all the cantrips!Why?Because he said he wanted to as a joke and I pointed out to him exactly how bad an idea it was. So of course he wants to play the most crippled thing he could possible make under core rules.
Needs more cantrips.
Here is a good memory of friendly fire.
The party was in the sewers trying to track (something i forget what it was) and there was a half-orc rogue and an elf ranger in total darkness (these two players wanted to get into position bfore the battle started so that is why there was no light in the room). The half-orc seeing that the elf can not see sneaks over to give a friendly helping hand to get him into position. The elf failing his perception feels a hand on his wrist and attacks the half-orc and cuts him badly. Ofcourse the fight soon starts witht he half-orc yelling at the elf for attacking him and the elf yelling back that he didnt know he was there.
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I was playing a paladin and we were traveling down into an old mine.
Suddenly there is a rumbling in the tunnel, and a loud (and I think flaming) thing is descending towards us from further up the tunnel.
I braced my spear, and told the other party members to take cover behind me.
POW! I get run over by a mine cart full of bricks (or some such) as I was standing right in the middle of the tracks!
As a paladin with an 8 Int, I still stand by that decision!
Way back in 1st edition I was running Keep on the Borderlands...
** spoiler omitted **
He was known as "lefty" after that incident.
Edit the above to say: Way back in 1st edition I was running In Search of the Unknown (module B1), not B2 Keep on the Borderlands.
I was GMing this for my friends and brother. My brother was a kobold rogue (yes, a dumb enough decision anyway) and the PCs, 7th level, were going to find the source of a bunch of lemures and at least one bearded devil. The kobold runs ahead of the party through a long, winding, narrow hallway (he was the only stealthy character, the rest were gung-ho for a large fight) and asks to be taken to the leader (unknown to the others, he was a bone devil who only needed a few more sacrifices to open a gate to hell). once there, surrounded by bearded devils, standing next to a bottomless sacrificial pit, in front of a bone devil with 2 size categories and idk how many strength points on the rogue, he tries theatening he bone devil. One of the highly disciplined bearded devils draws his one attack of opportunity, and the bone devil bull-rushed his scaly butt right into the pit.
In another one i played and a friend GMed, we were on a pirate island. After the pirate king peeved my character off (i was the face of the party and he wanted to meet) i blew up (gunpowder :)) what i thought was his flagship. instead, it's the the smallest of 3 ships owned by a drow-backed and equipped fleet of large, angry monsters. we were 3rd level at the time. The ensuing chase lasted until we ran hit a storm and made a lucky check.
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We manage to sneak pass the multiple barbarian tribes into their holy ancestral burial ground where tombs from an lost ancient civilization lay.
After finishing opening the grave of the biggest tomb we found the party is mesmerized at the sight of an old king's skeleton, laying with his gem encrusted crown and golden magical fullplate.
We are so absorbed with our task at hand that we failed to notice our surroundings until we wore surrounded by barbarian warriors armed with wooden shields and spears.
GM: Roll iniciative.
Rogue wins
GM: What do you do?
Rogue: I am going to try to intimidate them (he doesn't have the skill). I bend down into the coffin, grab the king's skull and held it up high showing it to them while i scream! RRAAAGGHHHHH!!!
GM: ... roll
He rolls a one.
GM: Every single warrior throws there spears at you.
Rogue instant dies.
Warrior: (looking at his fallen companion) Well at least they spend their main weapon...
Back in 2nd edition, I had a player who cast a fireball in a old stinky sewer. Needles to say I ruled that ignited all the methane but I allowed them all to avoid damage with a reflex save to dive under the sewer water which was knee deep only, 3 made it.
While our group was investigating a series of goblin attacks our group needed to regroup and rest up before proceeding, so we go across the river opposite of the first village attacked while the the local militia returned the survivors we managed to rescue.
During the night a boat with many torches pulled up to the shore of the village. Our cleric at the time thought that they were allies despite the fact the militia said they were not likely going to return. He decides to use his signal whistle and before we could stop him 100 flaming arrows start to arc of the river. Luckily because of the distance we were able to escape into the forest. My summoner than made some torches, summoned some dretches to carry them and instructed them to run up the river with them as far as they could which fooled the goblins. We took his whistle away.
brand new campaign lvl 1 pc
dm/me: the rode you are on is going through an area with many openings to the underdark ......
new-ish pc: i look for a way to the underdark.....
me: roll a knowledge nature to find a cave (looking for mobs at an " appropriate " lvl to teach a lesson why that is a bad idea )
my other players spent the 5 days real time and 14 in game getting out. after that player was voted out of the party. lesson learned lol
Many...
In a devastated dungeon with crumbling ceilings and fractured walls.
PC: "Okay, everybody, be careful. No area spells or blasts. (Repeats warning in various iterations)."
1 minute later, next encounter...
DM (me): "You see a pair Umber Hulks."
PC (goes first): "Oh, crap. I fireball them!" (Silence) "What?" (Silence) "Oh..."
Roof collapses, killing one Umber Hulk and that PC (double h.p. in damage). Others barely hurt except one.
Party uses Stone Shape to retrieve the mush.
Players headed to temple near top of mountain ridge.
DM (me): "It's pretty obvious the enemy army has made it over the ridge and is headed down."
PC (still in foothills): "We take the road toward the temple."
DM: "There's only one road."
PC: "We take it."
DM: (pause) "Really? It's also the only road down."
PC: "Yeah. Time's important."
After scouting party nearly obliterates 1st level PCs...
PC: "So, what other ways are there up?"
(At this point the army's sent forces in pursuit.)
In low-level organized play...
DM: "You're surrounded by dozens of vicious looking elves, arrows notched. Their leader tells you to drop your weapons."
PC: "I'm a Dwarf, so I hate Elves. I attack."
Other PCs (me too): (Groan/cuss/disbelief.)
Party TPKed in 1.5 rounds... (I think one guy got out with Invisibility. I went Invisible, but died trying to help. Should've stayed still.)
New PC (having just died): "It's a magic bag? Cool. I stick my head in it."
Other PCs (me too): "WHAT?"
Somebody (me?): "It's probably a Bag of Devouring, dude."
DM: "You want to stick your head in the magic bag?"
PC: "Why not?"
He does. (DM shows us paper.) Bag of Devouring lives up to its name.
DM-Villain (me): "Who's your leader?"
PC (leaderless party): "I am!"
(Javelin of Lightning in face.)
Actually, the angle meant only he got hit, so it was a 'smart' thing.
PC (18 Str. Monk): "I jump on the Grell floating up out of the rift and pummel it."
(He makes hard DC skill checks and succeeds in killing Grell one round later, surprisingly unparalyzed.)
PC (now falling into deeper layers of dungeon): "Ah, crap."
Screams... then nothing. (Player loved going out that way though.)
Low-level (3rd-4th) PCs run into larger, disciplined Hobgoblin patrol which confronts them with barked questions.
PC: "I don't have to take this."
Other PCs: "Stop. No. We don't want any trouble."
(PC player): (What? They're only Hobgoblins.)
(Other players): (They're questioning us. They're not attacking. We're near their border.)
(PC player): (They're Hobgoblins. Come on.)
DM (me): You've faced several Hobgoblins. None of them ever attacked you less than twice per round. This is a squad of them.
(PC player): I don't get it.
(Other players): THEY'LL KICK OUR ASSES!
(PC player): Oh. (silence) I still don't have to take this. I don't answer any of their questions.
(Others take over diplomat role...)
Whew...
Player later kicked out for cheating.
Oh, same player tried to attack an idiot savant who was having premonitions about their fiery doom (he thought the guy was threatening him, other PCs stopped him). Said savant blessed them with "Pro. Fire" to prevent said doom as they left on mission for the church where they met the savant. This player walked back and forth through fiery archway. He later called a dog through the archway and it died halfway through. "But the dog's on our side, right?" "Um, half of it." "No, it's an illusion. That's why we're unharmed." (All) "No, it's not." "Yes, it is." (goes through several more times, using up his protection. Dies later to minor avatar of fire god, roasted early in long combat.)
Not necessarily stupid...
Ranger, favored enemy (giants) +4, steps up to Troll in armor that just sent another, tougher, warrior retreating just shy of death. Happily hits with all four attacks, one a critical. "Woohoo!"
DM (me): "His turn. He rages."
Player: "What! No, no, no!" (She just did more damage than they'd ever done to a creature, ever.)
DM: He's very hurt, but, yeah, he's up. And pissed.
Rend-ifferic attack later, Ranger on ground (but alive), Cleric tied to Ranger w/ Shield Other in single digits. All in panic, as nobody with health has the h.p. to approach, much less survive next round.
Tasty wizard actually stepped in front of everybody (OMG, everybody cried, you're a 5' step away from oblivion!) and Scorched it dead.
Cheers around.
More as more occur to me.
As a paladin with an 8 Int, I still stand by that decision!
8 Int is slightly below average intelligence. It's not like in the joke with the three blondes finding a cave with tracks leading in, and then they argue about whether it's bear tracks, or maybe deer, when they're run over by a train.
brand new campaign lvl 1 pc
dm/me: the rode you are on is going through an area with many openings to the underdark ......
new-ish pc: i look for a way to the underdark.....
me: roll a knowledge nature to find a cave (looking for mobs at an " appropriate " lvl to teach a lesson why that is a bad idea )my other players spent the 5 days real time and 14 in game getting out. after that player was voted out of the party. lesson learned lol
Why are there mobs roaming the underdark?
And because a new player made a mistake, you kicked him out? Or did the player know about the dangers of the underworld and deliberately messed things up?
Because otherwise, he was probably better off without you.
8 Int is slightly below average intelligence. It's not like in the joke with the three blondes finding a cave with tracks leading in, and then they argue about whether it's bear tracks, or maybe deer, when they're run over by a train.
As a paladin with an 8 Int, I still stand by that decision!
Don't leave us hanging! Was it bear or deer tracks?
Greg
8 Int is slightly below average intelligence. It's not like in the joke with the three blondes finding a cave with tracks leading in, and then they argue about whether it's bear tracks, or maybe deer, when they're run over by a train.
As a paladin with an 8 Int, I still stand by that decision!Don't leave us hanging! Was it bear or deer tracks?
Greg
It was obviously train tracks.
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We dragged our dead bard through the desert for about three weeks to resurrect him. Well, we really could afford only reincarnation, so we suddenly got a nice little kobold... so we sold our loot, spare organs and parrents to slavery to have him cast a wish on himself to change to human again.
The wording of the wish was: "I want my body back in exactly the same condition as it was three days before"
*Kazzap*
Stinking bard cadaver lies on the sandy ground.
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Should of just decked themselves in holy artifacts and holy weapons. Just to aggravate the DM to wipe the party. xD
Back in 3.5 I had a scout walk into hell with a holy bow, suit of celestial armor, and a few other divine goodies, suffice to say, it was a good thing he was death on two legs, could teleport, and was incredibly good at getting out of grapples, otherwise he would have been hugged to death by a hellfire golem.
Long story short: we found a deck of many things and trekked all the way to hell to get our friends, the 3 who lost out to it, back. We even succeeded, went to the city of Dis, kept killing things until the owner decided we weren't worth it, and decided to acquiesce to our requests. ANYTHING to keep us from killing more things permanently.
"Whats its wet and liquid, wet puts out fire!"
I actually had this happen in real life. At a party years ago, I was talked into lighting my legs on fire by a very pretty young lady. When I couldn't get them to go out, someone decided to be helpful and pour a wine cooler on me, thinking it wasn't high enough proof to burn. But they grabbed MY wine cooler, that was mostly everclear.
As for in game...Playing D&D with some guys, our characters all wake up in this village, but other than us everyone else is gone. We look around, and the town is untouched, but empty. Eventually one of us finds some tracks, and we start following. Eventually there's more tracks, and they are more and more obvious. They lead us out of town, up a hill, and straight into a giant hole in the ground. Steep sides, and no visible bottom. We toss a coin in, don't hear anything...we toss a torch in, and never see it hit bottom...So one of our guys says, "I walk into the hole" Everyone stops and stares at him. The DM tells him it's a bad idea...he really wants to do it. So the DM shrugs and hands him a blank character sheet. He gets pissed as all get-out, and asks what the hell is this for. DM tells him, "well, your first character just fell about eight hundred feet straight down. Let's hope the second character is a little smarter."
brand new campaign lvl 1 pc
dm/me: the rode you are on is going through an area with many openings to the underdark ......
new-ish pc: i look for a way to the underdark.....
me: roll a knowledge nature to find a cave (looking for mobs at an " appropriate " lvl to teach a lesson why that is a bad idea )my other players spent the 5 days real time and 14 in game getting out. after that player was voted out of the party. lesson learned lol
Why are there mobs roaming the underdark?
And because a new player made a mistake, you kicked him out? Or did the player know about the dangers of the underworld and deliberately messed things up?
Because otherwise, he was probably better off without you.
oh he knew, he had went to to the underdark with me dming before and when another pc asked, "whats in the underdark?" my npc said every thing that eats babies.
and i did not kick him out ,his party did because he would play like every one else was just a npc in his game tell people what to do and being all around fun sucker.|
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My first ever adventure was full of these... most of them my fault, so I will share them gleefully.
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DM: High or low?
Me: High
DM rolls low. Because it's dark, I picked up the left glove, and touched him with that... killing myself and healing him entirely.
Not sure I'd want to brag about these.
That last one I'd call the DM on. Even in the dark you'd be
able to tell which glove it was when you tried to put it on.
And most items don't function unless you are wearing them.
Well I might as well contribute my latest foolhardy plan that went terribly wrong/horribly right.
First, a little background information, the game was serpent skull, and the main mischief makers were myself a fighter, Judo Kickass McGuyver, who specializes in large weapons he builds out of excess materials and lives true to his chaotic good lifestyle and 8 wisdom. The second culprit Feroh Ahab, the chaotic good Bard/Oracle of nature flaunting a 7 wisdom, deemed the hero of nature by the fey on the shiv. He lives only for glory, friendship, and nature, and erm treasure, but the treasure is a different story.
Now this adventure takes place after clearing a cave and finding an evil caravan of merchant traders disguised as a seemingly good caravan full of friendly helpful people. We are greeted and asked if we want to barter so we make our way to the shops were we are then greeted by a man by the name of Rickets, a no good piece of scum that speaks as though he is Ray Romano, who invites us to some cock fights and gambling that would happen later that evening. Feroh and my character Judo exchange looks then a silent nod then separate them self's from the party.
We began concocting a plan to rescue the chickens and end the animal cruelty once and for all. The night had fallen and the chicken fights were beginning as scheduled. Feroh managed to fascinate the two chickens and cease them from fighting as Juliana, our summoner, cast haste on the chicken she had bet on. The fight had stalled out only to have Rickets jump in and shake the chickens into fighting one another. After the match he called Juliana out on using magic to aid one into winning, and at that point he sent his goons after her, his first mistake.
The goons, who were guarding Rickets wagon of chickens, had began to chase after Juliana only to have Feroh jump out and take the blame to have the guards taken farther away from the wagon, now was my chance. I ran straight towards the wagon that Rickets now guarded alone, and jumped on the back throwing a thunderstone at my feet. The loud bang of the alchemical stone spooked the horses as they sped off driverless into the dark and rough terrain.
Clinging onto the back of the wagon I began to pour vials of acid onto the lock and gained entrance into the wagon, were I found dozens of traumatized chickens starring at me begging for freedom from their world of fighting. I happily obliged by setting them free one at a time tossing them from their cages from the back of the wagon were they began to flutter toward freedom, when suddenly the wagon went air born and crashed into a dry ravine, some of the chickens were now laying dead at my feet. I clambered out of the wagon and to my horror I saw that one of the horses were on its side scrambling in pain of what was a broken leg. Now I'm no healer or veterinarian, having spent most my time as a sailor I thought that this would most likely lead to amputation, and for a horse, that meant death.
I decided I'd do what I could to set that bone straight no matter what, I told my dm I was using my last hero point to add +8 to my next roll, only to be followed up by me rolling a nat 20 on my dice, the leg was set and I popped a potion of cmw into the horses mouth to speed up the healing process, I managed to pull it off, the horse would walk again, but to my dismay this gave Rickets men enough time to catch up to me.
I decided to flee the scene only to have my pursuers surround me on horse back. I was outnumbered 5 to one, they won initiative and pelted me with 2 arrows, while the other 2 dismounted and pulled short swords. I gave one final warning then charged, Nat 20. I ended up doing 40 non lethal to the first guy which was more than enough to put him under. I was then pelted with two more arrows as I dodged the short sword. I was looking bad 13hp out of 49, when my ally, unknowing to me, had used his last hero point to cast a minor image of the most blood thirsty triceratops you could imagine.
The beast stood 20 ft tall and out of it's mouth dangled the arms of what looked to be a fellow goon, the 4 remaining men fled as fast as they could leaving their unconscious buddy behind. I got him into this, I'd get him out, I picked up the wounded man and threw him over my shoulders and ran off in the opposite direction of my pursuers. The triceratops was beginning to follow me and was gaining ground, I knew I couldn't run for ever so I threw the injured man down and drew my Double Sawtooth Slasher, a pole-arm made by screwing two saws onto each side of an oar. As the beast charged me I braced for impact and closed my eyes knowing that this would most likely be my end. Upon reopening my eyes the beast had disappeared, as most illusion spells would once they reach their maximum distance. I heaved a sigh of relief and picked up the injured man and made my way back to the scene of the crash were the horse remained on its side struggling to regain it's footwork, in my retreat I forgot to cut the injured horse free of it's reins.
I cut the horse free and it galloped away half happily and half in fear, and then I began to release the chickens. After getting a good majority of them out of their respective cages, they began to fight, as any chicken trained to do so probably would. Their fight's were bloody but only resulted in the deaths of about 3 more chickens leaving about a dozen or so unconscious and not in their native land. I figured if the goons were to ride up they'd recage the chickens so I began to scatter and hide the chickens around in bushes, trees, piles of rocks, or whatever else I could use to cover them.
I sat the uncounsious man down in the back of the wagon and scribbled down a note that read,
Sorry bout that knock on the noggin, here's 50 gp compensation.
sincerely,
Shackles Pirate.
p.s. Woulda been 100gp, but i saved you from that dino.
I left a pouch of 50 gp then hightailed it out of their to find a nice tree a couple of miles away that i could sleep in to protect me from velociraptors, as the forests we are in are inhabited by dinosaurs.
The night ended without any more incident, and I rejoined the party in the next town up only to find that i've lost favor with most of the party for my actions, and that the loveable bard Feroh was nowhere to be found.
I was playing a paladin and we were traveling down into an old mine.
Suddenly there is a rumbling in the tunnel, and a loud (and I think flaming) thing is descending towards us from further up the tunnel.
I braced my spear, and told the other party members to take cover behind me.
POW! I get run over by a mine cart full of bricks (or some such) as I was standing right in the middle of the tracks!
As a paladin with an 8 Int, I still stand by that decision!
Many of these stories were funny, but this is the only one (thus far) that has made me literally laugh out loud.
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It was obviously train tracks.8 Int is slightly below average intelligence. It's not like in the joke with the three blondes finding a cave with tracks leading in, and then they argue about whether it's bear tracks, or maybe deer, when they're run over by a train.
As a paladin with an 8 Int, I still stand by that decision!Don't leave us hanging! Was it bear or deer tracks?
Greg
You called? ;-P
and i did not kick him out ,his party did because he would play like every one else was just a npc in his game tell people what to do and being all around fun sucker.
That can do it alright.
It just sounded weird the way you described it. If he was such a fun vacuum, it was probably for the best to kick him out. Those Code Red things never work out, so they're recreational at best. ;-)
We are engaged in a heroic fight involving some giant demon emerging from the ground with 2 dozens “minions”. One of the player (you know the guy who tries “creative” stuff over plain efficiency, everytime) playing a spellsword goes around with invisibility on picking the largest rock he can cast shrink object on, levitates some 300 feet high and plans to drop the dispelled/shrinked now enlarged rock on the demon.
Thing is, by the time he is in place, the fight is done, all the minions and demon are dead. At that point a super high level archmage shows up on a black dragon and lands mostly at the same place the fight took place. We have an artefact hidden from him and he now have a hostage he wants to exchange for said artefact.
Player figures out he might as well try his luck and enlarges the rock. The falling damage outright kills the dragon but otherwise doesn’t affect the mage, who in his totally pissed state casts time stop and a bunch of death spells killing most of the party, and takes off with teleport, re-stating his current proposal, and pointing out actual consequences of trying to trick him.
Still, killing a dragon with a bunch of lev. 1-2-3 spells, the player felt satisfied. It’s only a matter of having the right pieces (and rock) fall into the right places.
Same player, same character, relying a little bit too much on his invisibility for scouting purposes. Ends up exploring a very dark cavern, sticking to the higher parts of the cavern walls and ceiling. What were we expected to find in there? Oh yes, dragons again. What special ability do they have? Oh yeah, blindsense. Good for him they were only juvenile. The real thing (brood mother) was lurking deeper in.
Same game, we are on the rooftop of some inn in which a solid scene of interrogation is taking place. The prisoner holds critical information on our present mission, and is probably in the low single digits hp. We have no means of rescuing him, we already faced his interrogation team and both the fighter and the mage could probably single handily defeat our whole group. The prisoner will die nonetheless, so we decide to end his suffering by throwing a fireball down the chimney.
Ok, deed’s done. Lets get the F--- out of here… Only, players argue for a good 24 seconds on the how-to. I am playing the melee cleric with the large shield and am wondering if I should just block the line of sight/effect of the chimney with it… Too late. A delayed maximized empowered fireball bead comes hovering a couple of feet above the chimney. “I could have saved them all” is what I thought afterwards…
-Jelly
I've started playing spellcasting characters and then realised that I didn't purchase a spell component pouch. On several occasions.
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I was GMing a homebrew game involving a monk, a wizard, a barbarian and a druid. They encounter a town ruled by an evil dictator-like mayor. In order to enter the town, they must pay a toll. They begrudgingly pay, and enter town. When leaving, they find that the guards are forcing people to pay another toll to get OUT (this mayor really was an a$$hole). They didn't have any more gold at that point, having stocked up on supplies in town, and the monk player gets fed up with this whole town.
Please note that I don't use alignment in my games.
Player: "You don't toll a monk!"
He then proceeds to lightning-punch (monk of the windy whatever from the APG) the guard in the face. The wizard freaks, casting sleep to try and knock out the monk and salvage this whole situation. The monk rolls a natural 20 on his save and the guard gets knocked out. They proceed to attack and defeat the guards, rushing off into the high-grass outside and making a camp fairly far away from the town.
The next day, they are attacked by trackers sent from town to investigate the murder of the two guards. The entire party is hiding, and the trackers only see the barbarian. He gets arrested for the monk's crime.
After finally getting him back, he never looked at the monk again without narrowing his eyes and saying, in a raspy voice, "You..."
...Catch Phrase,
-Chris
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1 edition. I am GMing a group playing Queen of the Demoweb Pit (essentially you enter the abyss to defeat Loth, the web his her lair and connect several different universes, the guys were geased to go there by a evil lich, they weren't particularly interested in fighting the archdemon/deity).
Scene 1: the group find a exit of the web in the faerie lands and met the local elfs. They local elfs are those of the northern tales, they are immortal, have no soul and the touch of iron burn them (they are the elves of Poul Anderson novels).
Meet the party: 2 elf cavalier in full plate (PC and follower), elf wizard/druid and several humans.
The local elves are amazed by the sight of elves that freely touch iron. Friendly relation are established and the party elves pass a few very good night with the local women that want to have a son capable of using iron.
The local rules is willing to help the party and grant them several boons.
They get hyppogrifs mounts for the whole party and a ring that would turn small animals in draft horses to feed them with 12 uses/day (the hyppogrifs lasted a few days, but the ring was still around and the PC were still selling draft horses with a tendency to hop around several years later).
One of the "super" elf, the druid/wizard requested his boon: "I want to be capable of casting my spells while flying. Turn me in a pixie so that I can do that."(1) After a moment of stunned silence the King look the elf that can do the impossible and use iron, start laughing and say: "Granted." and plymorph him as requested.
As the PC was a druid the first time he used his powers of transformation he returned to his original form.
(1) 1rst ed, he had failed the attempt to learn the fly spell, so unless he did found a way to raise his intelligence he had no possibility to try it again.
Scene 2: they find a exit from the web and trek to a nearby city.
The world is inspired by Warammer Fantasy (the RPG) with little magic and early renaissance technology and culture. They go around the city a bit, but find that no one there speak an intelligible language and they have no tongue.
Finally they find the local church and someone that speak a know language, a local cleric speak Dwarven and the PC monk speak it too.
Dialogue:
Monk: We have come through a magic gate that link other worlds.
Horrified cleric: You have come through a chaos gate!?
Monk to the rest of the party: We have come through a chaos gate?
Elf cavalier: Yes, we have come through a chaos gate but don't say ....
Monk to the cleric: Yes, we have come through a chaos gate.
Mayhem start.
The group capture the LN cleric and tale him away, to the cave with the gate leading to Loth realm. There they try to convince him of the danger represented by the gate and the possible demon invasion. To make it comprehend the danger they want to give him a tour of the web.
The poor cleric fearing the danger for his soul at being exposed to a chaos gate, as soon as the party members turn their back to him, bite off his tongue and suicide.
The party is distraught by the death of the cleric and raise him, freeing him in the middle of the city.
The poor cleric has serious trouble comprehending what happened (no one can raise the dead in his world) but feel that it is his duty to rise the hunt for the group of demon worshippers in the hill and get all the city mobilized for the hunt.
Net result while the city forces are out hunting the PC the true Loth cultist have the possibility to open a gate in the middle of the city and the invasion start.
A few days after fleeing the city they meet an army marching to fight the demon horde. Prepared with tongue the speak with the advanced scouting party.
NPC: "Who are you, what are you doing here, why you aren't with the army?"
Face PC (the cavalier): "We are a civilian adventuring party." roll fairly well on the reaction.
NPC (disgusted face): "A group of those. OK, step aside, we have some serious work to do."
Scene 3: still around the web (thanks to the tendency to jump from one level to another of the web the map is at the 16th page of graph paper and they have no idea how the different sections join), they found another exit in world where there is sacred pool capable to cleanse all imposition and impurity (essentially geas, quest and lost levels).
The pool is guarded by a tree headed dragon, gold, orange and red heads with different personalities (LG, N, CE)
They get there and the dragon say that each of them should pass a riddle to be allowed to bathe in the pool.
As the GM (I) isn't particularly good on riddles he bring out a book with a few riddles and roll randomly what question every character get.
All go well for most of them, then the ranger get his riddle. He start mulling it over discussing in a high voice the possible answers. One of his possible answers startle the dragon as it is a valid alternative to the "official" answer to the riddle (and I mimic the dragon being shocked). Seeing the dragon reaction he think it should be a wrong answer and rapidly give a completely different and wrong answer. At that the read head happily shout "Wrong."
The riddle contest continue for the other guys, but the canny cavalier, that don't need to use the pool as he has joined the party after they have got geased start to bargain with the red head:
"I don't need to bathe, I want to swap my place with Robin the ranger and I will pay you for the disturb."
Fast bargain and the red head accept.
To Orange head (N): cavalier: "I want to swap places with the ranger, one bathe, one don't, balance will be maintained."
Red dragon head: "Listen to the nice guy, it is a good idea."
Orange head: "As long as balance is maintained, the swap is permitted."
To gold head: cavalier "Dear sir, my friend is suffering for a unjust imposition by a monster, let him bathe in my stead, I pray thee."
Red head: "He is a nice guy, listen to him."
Orange head: "Balance will be maintained, only one will bathe."
Gold head: "Well I think it is accept...."
Ranger that has been mulling in a corner all the time. "I dash past the dragon and dive into the pool."
....
Triheaded dragon, in unison: "You have violated the compact, die!"
Mayhem ensue, almost TPK follow, only a high level follower survive but get the PC raised.
I've started playing spellcasting characters and then realised that I didn't purchase a spell component pouch. On several occasions.
I never "buy" the pouches. They're part of the assumed automatic standard gear, stuff you always get. So you can either modify your character sheet to have the stuff already printed on it, or commission a stamp with the relevant stuff already on it, or you just phase out banalities like whether you bought a spell component pouch or when the character last went to the toilet.
The last option is both cheaper (in real life) and less time-consuming (again, in real life), so it's what I do.
I removed a post. If you didn't read it, you didn't need to comment only to say that.