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"Ronk, when Twitchy finishes her alchemical business, she's going to be very hungry. Why don't we find something nice to cook for her out there?"
Hmm, it might be possible to get Ronk to serve me steaks after all, the devious cat thinks.
Twitchy continues to mix her potions in blissful ignorance of what the rest of the group is doing. It's better that way.
The lizard folk stand there all by themselves, and every once in a while you spy them exchanging some looks and short, guttural words none of you understand.
Otherwise they seem to remain still.
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Medge takes the 'stick' from Mort's bag and turns it over in her hands. She has a suspicion that it's more than it seems. Why would anyone carry around a stick if it's not good for anything? Plus a good pirate always triple checks possible loot.
She tries to appraise its value...
....and she also casts detect magic on it.
Mortimer looks at the stick and gives it a few inquisitive sniffs, and does his own detect magic.
Taking 10, 17 for spellcraft total.
He then gives the stick a curious look.
"Wand of cure light wounds. You can have it, I don't have hands to use it anyway."
Twitchy watches over her language potions, stirring in the twin ingredients of soot and salt... She sniffs them and wishes immediately she hadn't. Soot and salt smelled like barbecue. When was the last time she'd eaten? Dang it, why hadn't she just killed the lizards in the first place?
Information. We need it.
Her stomach growls. Information won't feed me.
Still, she returns back to her potions, keeping the heat even and stirring them carefully. Not too much longer now.
One of the things a King learns to do, is to delegate responsibility to the right people. Namely a certain sharp eyed, sneaky majordomo.
"Zeli, please do the honours. The fates of the stomaches of the Dread Pirate Goblins lie in your claws." he declares pompously.
Zeli founds two most delicious greenish brown lizards, but the true prize is a nest of eggs - he doesn't know which creature laid them though...
Mortimer follows Zeli to the nest. Tries to identify the eggs.
Or if the eggs aren't what they seem to be...
"Urm Ronk, Omelette?"
Zeli pecks up the two lizards, and quorks happily, her hunger satiated.
Gurp busies himself by looking through his bags for unnamed slugs. "Hmm. You named, you named, you named... aha! You be Dread Underking Squishy! You be vassal to superior Squishy king!"
Ronk will move to pick up the egg and eat it whole.
Ronk swallows the egg whole, the shell being slightly harder than he initially expected - the taste is more acrid than chicken egg, but still it tastes fresh, and quite filling.
After two long hours, through which the lizard folk stare wide eyed at the goblin antics outside, Twitchy carefully prepared the elaborate extracts which she hope will allow her to understand and communicate with their captives. It seemed like an eternity, but now she was done.
Ronk grabs the eggs. Planning to give one to Twtichy and then the others.
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Mortimer walks back to the ship, with his egg laden rider.
"Omelette, the result when you break eggs into a pan and fry them. They're really good, maybe we can make them out of these?"
Twitchy comes out from her lab, smelling like soot, but with a potion in either hand.
"One of these goes to the lizard who talked earlier. One to one of us." She turns to Medge. "Do you want to do the questioning, or shall I? Or..." she pauses, speculatively, considering how much the cat liked to talk. "Do we ask Ronk's kitty to do it? He's pretty scary looking."
Mortimer sniffs Twitchy over curiously.
"I could, or perhaps the Dread Terror of the High Seas, the Great Admiral and Shark Slayer Medge would like to do the honors? "
Twitchy nods and hands Medge the potion. "Medge? You take the honors."
Twitchy takes the egg that Ronk gave her, pokes a hollow reed from the swamp into it, and slurps it up with her makeshift straw. She cuddles with her new hubby, preparing to watch the Medge show. "Delicious!" She smiles at Ronk, then slurps once again, happily.
Mortimer winces at Twitchy's mistreatment of the egg. He thinks back on gnome made omelettes. Clearly, the Dread Pirate Goblins had yet to master the finer culinary arts.
"That's not the way you eat an egg, you need to break the eggs into a pan and fry them. They taste much better that way. If I had hands I'd show you how it's done," he protests violently.
Twitchy, always up for culinary experiments with flame, pauses in her slurping to consider. "You teach me next time?"
Ronk happily accepts Twitchy's embrace. And makes a disgusted face when Mort describes what he thinks should be done with eggs. He mumbles to himself Loses all the crunch! With a wave of his green hand Ronk signals Mort to come over and points to the ground next to him.
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Medge appears from inside the ship, her arms full of meat. She dumps it in front of the group. “We gots horse jerky and dog jerky, lots of it. Oh, and the rest of the frog is in that puddle over there. Getting a nice flavor.” The omelette is eyed suspiciously, sniffed, and then thoroughly rejected. “GROSS. That stuff comes out of bird’s butts. Medge sticks with dog jerky”
After scarfing down a meal it’s time for interrogation. Medge discovers it’s pretty easy to get someone to take a potion if you’re holding a dogslicer to their throat. There’s a wide, obviously fake smile on her face as she begins.
“Hel-lo lizard person. We, the Dread Pirate Goblins, want to know why you in our land. Nasty Vorka was here, now nasty Vorka dead. We kill her, that means we get her stuff. That’s the rules. So, why you bothering powerful goblins who kill dumb old Vorka, but obviously very nice goblins since you’re not cut up into chunks?” Medge flips her dogslicer around. “We want good answers. Then maybe we don’t let Gurp eat your heart to gain your powers. Maybe.”
Mortimer sighs, sits down next to Ronk. As Medge begins her interrogation, a mischevious glint appears in his eyes and his ears perk. His tummy twitches a little, and there's a strange expression on his face. Almost as if he's trying not to laugh at the lizards predicament.
Once Mort sits down Ronk begins to pet him. Mostly scratching his cheek. Kitty seems to like the petting so this will be done. Keep him calm and LOYAL!
Ronk grins at Medges silly outcry at the yummy bird droppings. His grim turns into a toothy smile when Medge threatens the lizards and makes them drink the potion. Sad at not knowing what was begin said Ronk still enjoys watching Medge work. All spitfire and wild gestures.
Twitchy snuggles with Ronk, happy with a belly full of meat and yummy bird droppings. The Medge show is good.
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“Hel-lo lizard person. We, the Dread Pirate Goblins, want to know why you in our land. Nasty Vorka was here, now nasty Vorka dead. We kill her, that means we get her stuff. That’s the rules. So, why you bothering powerful goblins who kill dumb old Vorka, but obviously very nice goblins since you’re not cut up into chunks?” Medge flips her dogslicer around. “We want good answers. Then maybe we don’t let Gurp eat your heart to gain your powers. Maybe.”
"We are scoutssssss for Underbelly tribe" - the greener of the lizard men speaks in a hissing voice, and seems to regain some of its composure after being cowed into drinking the horrible potion - "We sssscout, ssssee goblinsssss in Vorka's boat home and come sssssee" - he continues - "Before we decide what to do, goblinsssss see usssss. We run to find Queen Mother and tell... But goblinsssss and ssssstrange talking cat catch usssss firssssst" - and the composure is kinda lost again as he squats down - "We don't attack. Goblinsssss attack" - he finishes, looking at his other awaken, wounded lizard companion, who simply shrugs shyly - "Goblinsssss are very nice, yessssss" - he adds halfheartedly, his yellowish head bobbing up and down.
"Ronk, behind my ears please."He tilts his head so Ronk can get to behind his ears.
"Oh Great Admiral Medge, what did they say? "
Mortimer takes the opportunity to gobble the omelette up and gives a satisfied purr.
Gurp lays back, using Squishy as a makeshift cushion. "Medge! What lizard say in strange hissing gibberish? They want to eat our faces?"
“He say they sees us and comes to look at us and tell other big lizards about us. Rude”
Medge turns back to her captive. “If we come sneaky sneaky to your house with weaponses you not gonna come up to us and go ‘Oh hi, who is you?’. Or maybe you do but that’s real dumb. That’s how you lose your stuff. Would you do that to us? …...Maybe we come and, uh, look at stuff. If you...not chase us off...your stuff. Right. Who Queen Mother person?”
"Yeah and after they tell the rest about us, their tribe invades us, kill us all and loot our stuff," Mortimer growls.
"I say we pay a visit to to their place to have a nice long chat with their tribe so they don't do it again. Do any of them in their place speak our language?"
“He say they sees us and comes to look at us and tell other big lizards about us. Rude”
Medge turns back to her captive. “If we come sneaky sneaky to your house with weaponses you not gonna come up to us and go ‘Oh hi, who is you?’. Or maybe you do but that’s real dumb. That’s how you lose your stuff. Would you do that to us? …...Maybe we come and, uh, look at stuff. If you...not chase us off...your stuff. Right. Who Queen Mother person?”
The creature seems to hesitate, again looking to his one conscious companion, then back at Medge - "Huh..." - he stammers against the straightforward logic - "We'sssss not attack goblinsssss... Swamp is Underbelliesssss home - goblinssss no check who'sssss in their homesssss?" - he still questions - "Queen Mother issssss... Vorkasssss big sister" - he finishes flatly.
"Uh" Whatever answer Medge was expecting that certainly wasn't it. "You is ruled by gob?"
Medge turns back to the group. "He says that his ruler person is Vorka's sister. Might be a problem. Maybe we get rid of her too and rule lizard people?" She gestures for the lizard man to look away. "Not talking to you right now! You ignore what Medge is saying."
"Who is this Vorka person? Clearly someone you killed and stole the loot off. If I were her sister I'd want revenge. The lizardfolk should not be allowed to go back to warn her."
Mortimer's ears flatten, and he gives a low hiss.
"Even if these lizards fail to return, she will send another batch of scouts. We need to mount a pre-emptive strike. Where's their lair?"
"Medge, ruling over subjects we don't understand might be a problem. How are we going to order them around?"
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"Vorka has sister? That super interesting! Except not really. Why we care?" Gurp scratches his chin in thought. "We kill Vorka because stupid chief say he give us stuff. What we get from killing Vorka sibling? Lizards we not understand? Gurp not sure it worth the effort."
"Uh" Whatever answer Medge was expecting that certainly wasn't it. "You is ruled by gob?"
Medge turns back to the group. "He says that his ruler person is Vorka's sister. Might be a problem. Maybe we get rid of her too and rule lizard people?" She gestures for the lizard man to look away. "Not talking to you right now! You ignore what Medge is saying."
The lizards again look between each other, then away.
Medge nods. "Yes, good points. Medge doesn't want to take a potion every time she needs to threaten someone. What does the First Mate think?" She looks at Twitchy.
First Mate Twitchy had been thinking that it was time for she and Ronk to sneak off and practice those weird mating rituals that Gurp had referred to earlier. But ever responsible, she decides instead to sit in Ronk's lap and pay attention to the translations.
Except that paying attention while snuggling with Ronk is... hard. She feels excited in his arms, and just wants to slide her fingers under his monster hat and...
Wait. Did Medge just ask her a question? Twitchy replays the last bit of Mort's and Gurp's and Medge's conversation. Vorka had a SISTER?
"Why we assuming that Vorka's sister is a Gob? Maybe she got adopted into Lizard tribe or something. Or maybe Vorka hated her sister, or they fight all the time if they gobs."
"What I want to know is... what did that look mean? The one where the lizards looked at each other but didn't answer you?"
"Why would Vorka's sister not be a goblin? It takes 2 gobs to produce more gobs right? I mean gobsaren't brought in by storks, or come fully grown in a cabbage patch, correct?"
"Do gob siblings fight all the time? Where I come from, siblings don't fight all the time, and care about each other."
"Some families aren't born, they're adopted." Twitchy pats the cat on the head. "Like what we did with you, Mort. You not a gob, but you're in our tribe now."
She looks at the others. "Maybe that's why Vorka was wrong in the head. We're gobs. We eat all sorts of stuff. But Vorka... She ate other gobs. And then she played with horses and dogs. What gob does THAT?"
Twitchy gets up from Ronk's lap and paces. "If Vorka raised by lizards, maybe her craziness makes sense. As for siblings not fighting... Maybe that's a cat thing. But gob siblings tend to fight. We raised to compete and scrap. I'm small, so I ran away to a cave for a bit until I found Fluffer's egg and I learned to make bombs and stuff. Then nobody bother me!"
Twitchy pauses a moment, struck by a crazy idea. What if gobs got raised to cooperate, like the Dread Pirate gobs were already doing? Would it make them weak, or would it make them even stronger while in a team?
"Medge, you ask them. Ask them whether Vorka's sister is a lizard or a gob, and ask them what that look meant!"
Ronk drifts back to reality when Twitchy starts talking to the others. Agitation and confusion set into his face has he tries to follow what is being said instead of ignoring the problem. Goblin babies! Why is Twitchy asking about those? Ronk is still not sure he was ready...We have no cages and babies bite!... Wait Vorka had a sibling? We thought Gob like her killed them all? Vorka could be a lizard. That could be what was wrong with her.
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Mortimer nuzzles Twitchy.
He decides it is not diplomatic to mention that gnomes had lots of animals, including horses and dogs in their encampment.
"The problem with leaving Vorka's sister around, even if it's not worth the trouble to kill, is she may never leave us in peace if she finds out we killed her sister. She has some interest in Vorka, or why would she have sent her scouts here?"
"Giant pet cat has strange ideas. Siblings are for fighting and competing. Nobody chooses siblings, they just there. The important Gobs are the ones you meet and like and are awesome. Not ones you stuck with just because." Medge shakes her head at the idea of not fighting with siblings. Why, that's just crazy talk.
Medge barks at the lizards "Hey! You! What that look for? You tell Medge, is Vorka's sister Gob or Lizard? Why she have you come check Vorka? If you don't tell us everything then we know you no tell us everything and do very bad things!"
The lizard man looks at Medge wide eyed and apparently confused - "You sayssssss look away. So we look away?" - he replies - "Vorka's sister isssss goblinlizardsssss mother Queen. We checkssssssss on Vorka because mother ordersssss it - she always ordersssss it" - it follows up - "If we answer all, good thingsssss happens?"
"Yes. Good things that are not bad things. Soooo...does mother Queen person like her sister Vorka?" Maybe this queen person will be happy the gobs killed Vorka. After all Vorka was a crazy gob eater.
The lizard you have been speaking to seems to hesitate for a moment - "Not ssssure... Mother alwaysssss wantssss to know all Vorka doessss... Zrezzat is not ssssure whyssss..."
