When Crang arises he whispers "Dat Daft Dragon thinks we kiddos"
Whoosi checks out the box in a dark spot obscured from view; keeping at ear out for Crang if his liquid negotions go sour..
Listen
The effete elf and the knight and dragon all stare at the goblins, until the elf suddenly begins to wave his arms around and shout in a loud voice as he stalks toward the goblins.
"I DID NOT ORDER ANY MANGY GOBLINS FOR THIS PLAY! I certainly did not order the stinking virulent atrocities I see before me! YOU ARE RUINING THIS REHERSAL. NOW GET OUT!" He stops just in front of the goblins and pokes Crang quite roughly right in the nose.
Splurg snickers at the twiggy elfling who just signed his death warrant....
Splug looks at Spots then points at the Dragon... "Fetch big lizard"
Spots snarls and charges the dragon. The knight shrieks like a small girl and flees straight into the curtains, becoming hopelessly entangled as he does. The dragon turns with a muffled, "Whuzzat? followed by the tearing of paper as Spots launches into what appears to be a solid dragon, but is actually a paper machier costume. He disappears into the dragon with a yowl, followed by another shriek as a slightly pudgy man explodes out the other side, covered in gashes and trying to escape. For a moment it appears as if Spot might pursue, but then he yowls again and emerges from the rapidly collapsing dragon. He takes it by the teeth and begins pulling it toward the goblins.
Unfortunately, whatever mechanism makes the dragon breathe flames seems to have become stuck in the open position. With a WHOOSH, the whole head bursts into quickly burning flames, which spread to the curtains on the stage. IN a moment, the entire stage is an inferno.
The elf, meanwhile, pauses in his nose-poking and turns back to look first at the cat as it races past, then at the inferno, then finally back to the goblins.
"YOU DAMN KIDS AND YOUR DAMN CAT ARE RUINING MY PLAY!"
crang goes absolutely doolally.
ELF FINGA! ELF FINGA!
And tries to hit the elf with a bottle of booze.
attack
The elf barely finishes shouting when a clay bottle of rotgut smacks him hard in the mouth. He stumbles back a few steps, less injured than absolutely shocked. He spits blood as he screams at Crang, "YOU LITTLE SNOT! YOU DARE TO LAY HANDS ON THE MIGHTY ASPHELLE D'THURBER?!? I WILL HAVE YOUR TONGUE AND YOU'LL NEVER ACT AGAIN!" The elf draws a long thin dagger, of the sort that looks to be more decorative than useful and points it at Crang, holding it like a quill pen.
Splurg looks at Spots dragging back the remains of the dragon and nods proudly. At the remark of the Elf Splurg looks at the nearest goblin and asks "Whatza Asshill Thurbear?"
The sound the elf makes might be called a splutter, but it definitely is indignant. "I am only the FOREMOST ARTISTIC GENIUS in Rahadoum, you miserable stunted little..." he seems to struggle for a word, finally spitting out "BARD!" He speaks the term like it's a curse and from the triumphant look on his face, he certainly believes you to be cut to the bone by his biting wit.
"Asshill right I definitely Bored, Crang axinate him pweze..."
Crang will definitely axinate the elf, with extremely confused prejudice:
attack
The elf dodges out of the way with elf-like grace, still holding his pointy gob-sticker wrong. "Now that you rotten little buggers have eviscerated my stage, burnt down my costumes and scared off my actors, I demand satisfaction! En garde!" He dances forward, stabbing pitifully at Crang.
Attack:
His attack is both unskilled and unremarkable, except for the fact that he looks like an absolute idiot doing it.
Increasingly unhappy with the stupid elf, and incresaingly excited by the burning building, Crang rages and swings a wild chop at the elf.
attack
damage
Crang's chop is wild, but powerful enough to chop the man's arm clean off, dagger and all. He looks down at the now bloody stump and begins to squeal in a high pitched voice. His eyes go wide and he attempts to charge out of the building, bloody stump splurting blood across the room.
Ax!
Crang swings even more wildly at the man !
attack
damage
Crang's axe takes the elf across the waist, cutting him in half as he tries to flee. His last sight in this life is seeing his own legs still trying desperately to flee as his torso hits the ground with a wet THWACK!
The stage is currently burning merrily, though the fire will most likely be contained there as this is a stone building. Outside the sounds of chaos and mayhem echo as goblin burning parties streak about, setting fire to various people, places and things.
However, as if from heaven, music begins to play. It starts softly, but then builds into a thundering crescendo of angelic voices. Outside the door, a soft white glow can be seen. Looking outside, you see four humanoids: one warrior clad in silvery plate mail, one white robed elven woman carrying a crystalline staff, one dapper looking young halfling man armed with a softly glowing blue sword and a beardless dwarf carrying a lute and wearing bright blue tights. The quartet strikes a pose against the backdrop of the burning town and points toward the goblins as they run past. The dwarf shouts, his clear tenor voice easily heard over the chaos.
"Evil doers! You face the wrath of the Scions of Righteousness! Prepare to meet thy makers and make ready thy souls for the Judgement of Pharasma! Justice, HO!"
init
Crang is snorting and breathing heavily, tensing and stretching his fingers as he handles his axe; he eyeballs the four through an adrenaline haze.
Whoosi sprints to the building; then catches his breath and sneaks inside and then moves for a sneaky attack on someone; perhaps who Crang is facing
"Scone? Dat humanz bread Gutbucket? Maybe da have cheez and more booze"
Init:
Scions 18
Splurg 17
Crang 8
Whosi 5
Whosi: Init:
Scions:
The obviously good Scions of Righteousness burst into action! The Dwarven Bard begins to strum a powerful tune and starts to sing of vanquished foes and evil-doers who must beware. You're vaguely aware that he's referring to you gobs...
The plate mail clad swordsman flourishes his sword and runs at Crang! Attack: for damage. His attack misses Crang, but the silvery sword sings as it flashes through the air!
The white-robed elf woman waves her hands in a complex pattern as a spray of golden dust explodes outward to strike Spot and Splurg, coating them with golden sprinkles!
Meanwhile the halfling slips into the shadows (stealth ), disappearing into the fray, only to reappear behind Crang with his glowing sword striking like a cobra! Attack for damage. His attack is foiled by Crang's raging movements, which seem to make finding a vulnerable spot to attack impossible!
And isn't stealth an opposed roll?
Will Splurg
Will Spots
Spots is able to blink the glitter out of his eyes, but Splurg is blinded by the onslaught of sparkly specks!
Splurg exlaims "Ack! I'm blind!"
Splurg quickly recovers (but still blind) and swings at the nearest goody or at least the spot they were in
with Scmitar
Spots tries to dispatch the wizard as he is a notorious sparkle hater
Bite
if hits trip
trip check
claw
claw
At this point, Crang is unhappy with elves in general and assaults the elf woman
attack
damage
or not...
Whoosie sneaks into position to flank the elf woman and seeks to squewer her good so she squeels like an elf woman should.
sneaks
attack
Damage if applicable
Splurg's blind swipes don't connect, though they would be very impressive to the now dead elf in the theater... Spots, on the other hand, manages to get a claw on the elven wizard, opening a gash on her thigh and tearing her pretty white robes. She curses in a distinctly evil fashion, causing the warrior in shiny mail to turn and mutter "Yserbialla! Do not take Aroden's name in such a fashion!"
Crang slavers and slashes at the elven woman, but his attack only hits empty air, angering him further.
Whosi's stealth puts him directly behind the elven woman and his warhammer hits her hard, causing her to stumble forward.
ROUND 2:
Init:
Scions 18
Splurg 17
Crang 8
Whosi 5
The shiny plate mail man calls out: "By the Glory of Aroden, you will pay, evildoers!" He steps next to the elf woman and swings his silvery sword at Crang, the most visible and imposing foe! Attack: for damage. Possibly crit confirmation: for damage for a total of 21 damage to Crang! Crang feels a strange holy fire burning through him as the shiny mail man hits. For a moment he is painfully aware of the wickedness of his deeds. Then he farts and he realizes it was just gas.
The white robed elf woman attempts to cast in such a way as to avoid being clawed, bitten or smitten again. Caster Check: She fails and her spell fizzles as a wrack of pain crosses her face.
The halfling, now visible and unhidden, attempts to stab Whosi! Attack: for damage of .
The dwarf bard keeps up his song of good smiting evil, but now he seems to add a verse about the impertinence of evil people who smite perfectly nice non-bearded elves who may regret that one night of sweaty passion, but that's no reason to go stabbing them, after all who can say what the future might hold, perhaps an inter-species romance WOULD work in this crazy world of ours.... It trails off into a description that frankly makes the narrator blush. He follows this up with a crossbow bolt aimed at Spots. Attack: for damage. His aim is terrible and the bolt flies off in the distance, possibly killing a perfectly innocent goblin passer-by. What a world...
perception on Splurg
Spots continues his assault on the mean wizard.
bite
if hits trip
trip check
claw
claw
Crang reels in pain, screaming incoherently:
He then swings at the horrible shiny man:
attack
damage
Splurg's wild groping finds Crang, who is in the process of hacking a hole in the shiny mail man. The shiny man cries out, "By Aroden! These evil little filth are strong!"
Meanwhile Spots lashes out at the white-robed woman, but is unable to find purchase on her. Still he keeps her from casting her spell, so his role is not wasted.
Whoosie sidesteps the attack from the halfling (AC:15) and yells at him in rage; spittle flying from his mouth
THIS IS MY ELFWOMAN! go get your own you fungus-brained, misbegotten son of a deformed gobsnatch!
attack the halfling
damage
Whosi's vicious swing cracks the halfling hard on his shoulder, causing him to yelp with the pain. He looks a little less confident and even the dwarf's song falters a bit as their "inevitable" victory seems a little less so...
ROUND 3:
Init:
Scions 18
Splurg 17
Crang 8
Whosi 5
The Shiny Mail Man calls upon his god, Aroden in a loud voice: "Oh mighty Aroden, grant me Thy strength that I might smite this unbeliever!" With renewed vigor, he swings at Whosi: for damage! However, his god seems to be a bit busy being dead to answer the call this time, causing Crang to easily sidestep the man's flailing.
The elf woman looks a little disturbed at Whosi's possessiveness and decides that retreat is always an option. She withdraws, her eyes clearly lost in thought as she thinks what spell would be most useful to blow the goblins into tiny goblish pieces.
The halfling looks hard at Whosi, recognizing a fellow thiefly type, and fearing what he sees. He stabs at the gob, attempting to skewer him first! Attack: for His attack is spot-on as Whosi attempts to recover from his swing and the halfling lets out a gloating "Hoo-HAH!"
The Singing Dwarf drops his crossbow and screams a warcry, still in verse strangely enough, as his song suddenly becomes a paen to the many ways in which a proper dwarf (despite a condition which renders him beardless) may defend his love, even if she's not cool with the whole interracial romance and even if that one time he had a problem getting it up (it happens to us all, right? Right?) He draws a very undwarfly longsword and charges Spots! Attack: for damage! His attack is brutal if not pretty as his strong arms deliver a powerful blow to the cat!
[ooc]oh great hairy demon balls, Whoosi thinks as he realizes he is fighitng three people now, he ducks the shining mans attack only to get smacked really hard by the halfling Ouch [/b]
Oh Garl, we aights 'eros, weez gotsta splits
[ooc] whosi tries a sneaky acrobatic move 5' step to get a sneaky drop on the halfling (hoping for a bonus cause I aint much of a fighter).
acrobatics
attack
plus any bonuses from above.
damage if applicable.
Initiative
Ank-hore walks comes up from the shore on the beach with a huge lobster claw strapped to his hook hand. "Hayz looksee what I haz, OOOOO A fight, YAY."
Ank-jore sees Whosi is in trouble casts Spiritual weapon to hopefully occupy one of the attackers so he can get close enough to heal his companion.
A Ghostly green glowing Sickle covered in seaweed appears in front of the Halfling and strikes
Spiritual Attack
Damage
Stop. Bein'.
Carng swings for the shiny man once again.
attack
damage
Crang screams his rage at the shiny mail man and delivers a truly devastating blow. His axe crushes the man's plate mail, leaving a torn rent in his side, leaking blood. The Shiny Mail man screams with agony as his ribs shatter beneath the force of the blow. His companions, similarly shocked by his fall, become pale.
Whosi uses the sudden attention on the Mail Man to disappear, reappearing behind the halfling to swing his hammer. Only the halfling's paranoia saves him from a blow, as the appearance of a ghostly green sickle causes him to leap backwards just as the blow falls!
Ank-hore, the conjurer of the sickle, wanders up to see the battle in progress. However, the tide seems to have turned!
Splurg calls upon the spirits of wind and water and heals Crang for of healing.
Spots snarls and unleashes his furry fury upon the dwarf! Bite , claw and claw . Critical confirmation for claw #1: While the 2 claws hit, they don't crit. Damage for . The claws rip at the bardic dwarf, but his love for his elven lass, incredibly graphic and inappropriate for these boards as it is, keeps him standing firm!
ROUND 4:
Init:
Scions 18
Splurg 17
Ank-Hore 10
Crang 8
Whosi 5
The Shiny Plate Mail Man, wounded as he is, calls upon the healing touch of his dead god and receives healing. It's not much, but it does seem to staunch the flow of blood. He withdraws, limping backwards to keep his shield between his wounded frame and the vicious Crang's axe. "Coff.. We need to... retreat." He spits the last word out as if a curse.
The elf woman, her face blushed by the continuing song of the dwarf, and dare I say, a little intrigued, raises her hands and makes several motions, pointing at the burning theater behind the goblins. Suddenly an explosion of multicolored fiery flashing aerial lights shoot into the air above the goblin band.
As she is casting, the halfling launches a final attack at Whosi before attempting to tumble away. Attack for damage. Acrobatics check: He manages to roll backwards and get 20 feet away before the spell erupts.
The dwarf smiles at Spots, while his song suddenly gains a verse about making his elfin lady love a pair of trousers made from cat skin and then goes on to describe in graphic detail the many ways he hopes to get said lady love out of those trousers. Splurg throws up a little in his mouth... Attack: for damage. Hearing his lady's spell casting, he backs up from the cat, earning an AoO from Spots: for and a free trip attack: With a cry and a slight disruption to a particularly nasty verse about back doors and elven values against using them during reproductive acts, the dwarf is pulled from his feet as the spell goes off! The dwarf's song ends with a cry of "Consarnit, Yserbialla! I'm blinded!"
Spiritual Weapon Attack on the Halfling
Attack
Damage
Ank-hore makes his way to Whosi and casts a spell of healing the smell of salt water engulfs Whosi as his wounds heal.
Cure Light Wounds:
Will Save
will save
Aargh, too much shiney!
Crang reaches in his pack for a bottle of grog and takes a hearty swig:
good for what ails you
retake will save
Then he stares at the elf with malevolent, beady eyes.
Ank-hore's magical sickle attempts to swipe the halfling, but fails as the wily little man scampers away from the battle. Ank-hore is able to close his eyes in time to avoid the sudden bright lights that rent the sky, but Crang is momentarily stricken by the sight, until the hot burn of the rotgut he stole from the Harbormaster burns away the blinding with its own brand of chemical attack!
Spots Will Save:
Spots is clever enough to look away from the fireworks and turns his attention on the blinded bard! Bite: , claw and claw . Owing to the prone and blinded condition of the bard, Spots is able to maul the dwarf, leaving his song to degenerate into screams of pain! Damage: . The dwarf's screams echo through the burning village, even covering up some of the goblin singing!
Splurg meanwhile begins to conjure some sort of ally of nature, his hands making strange gestures in the air...
will save
Ooowie oowie; dat bastage......
ooooh; fireworks!
When the fireworks fade, Whosi is left blinded by the light and Splurg, oddly enough, feels his eyesight restored as the glitter fades.
ROUND 5:
Init:
Scions 18
Splurg 17
Ank-Hore 10
Crang 8
Whosi 5
The Shiny Mail Man downs a potion and his wounds knit together. He looks at the wounded elf woman, and the mauled Bard, as well as the halfling's smashed shoulder and his voice is hard as he says, "I will retrieve Hamrick. Yserbialla, provide us a distraction, please." As the elf woman begins casting, the Shiny Mail Man runs into the fray and picks up the dwarf, provoking all manner of attacks as he goes.
The elf woman gestures and makes slippery noises as a fog cloud erupts amongst the goblins!
The halfling, now safely out of the fray, runs over to join the elf woman, his taste for battle apparently sated.
Crang swings for the annoying human who hurt him:
attack
damage
still following the halfling unless he is more than 150ft away then will attack the closest target.
spiritual weapon attack
damage:
ank-hore swings with the syckle hoping to hit
attack
damage
Spots AoO: Spots snarls at the Shiny Mail Man and bites, but his teeth hit metal and are repelled. Similarly Crang's attack is deflected by the man's shield. The Shiny Mail Man makes it to the Dwarf who begins shouting about the fireworks and their effect on his vision. The Shiny Man hefts the dwarf on his shoulder and makes ready to escape.