Blazing 9! (season 10 prep)

[Kerney]

Warpath Goggles

Spoiler:

Goggles? mixed with a 'tribal' feel? Really doesn't work for me. Gets me thinking of a plastic Shaman archetype or those indian arrows found in the mid eighties with plastic fletching found at Roosevelt National Battlefield (movie reference, will explain if needed).

Mechanics are solid and the seeing red works for me. Bonus on attack is good but doesn't particularly distinguish the item. compare w/ Blind Man's Scarf to see what I mean. Well priced.

Hope that was helpful and not too harsh.

Blind Man's Scarf

Spoiler:

Awesome, simple idea that is unique and is exactly what I'm looking for in rpg superstar. Wouldn't mind a bit more description but what you did was reasonable.

Like the second ability. Only complaint is it is rather expensive. You might use a judgement call to lower the cost.

[Rose Stack]

Groetus’ Mask:

Unless you really need a constant calm emotions spell, this is a very expensive cursed item. I know you said you wouldn't actually enter this in RPGSS, but I don't much see the point of the item. I feel like this would be better as a plot-specific item, or a minor artifact that only grants benefits to Groetus worshippers.

Also, I personally find the Pathfinder rules for insanity, and in general the way that fictional media treats mental illness, extremely distasteful. My personal approach to designing an item like this would be: I wouldn't. As a general rule, I think "don't create anything that contributes to the stigma against mental illness" is a good guideline. The problem is, of course, that this problem is already baked into Groetus' canonical lore. I know this doesn't do much to help as an actual design critique, but consider it a different lesson: be careful with your design around sensitive topics, and try to recognize what those topics are.

[The Raven Black]

Groetus’ Mask:

I get that this is all Russ’s fault, but this is still both a plot device and a cursed item, as well as far too expensive to ever be bought by any self-respecting PC.

And really, you should stick as much as possible to the rules of RPGSS so that your creation is as close as possible to what you will design for the actual contest. It will make our feedback more precise and relevant and thus more useful to improve your design skills as far as RPGSS is concerned.

Template : cost should be half the price for a wondrous item. Requirements should make it craftable by most any crafting PC (so that it will be more popular in the contest), thus being mad is too restrictive. The use of the Insanity spell is not clear. Is it a requirement for crafting, or do you need to be affected by it to craft ? Is being mad considered as having the spell Insanity available (thus bypassing a spell requirement, which actually is good because it adds to the number of people who can craft this) ?

Quite good description and good mastery of Golarion’s lore. But that should not replace this item actually doing cool things for its wearer.

“with dark, hollow eyes with an uncaring expression” should be “with dark, hollow eyes and an uncaring expression” for a cleaner reading. Good thing to mention that it covers the entire head : those are strong, clear and appropriate visuals.

Not caring to remove the mask that makes you randomly mad = cursed item.

Random effect is to be avoided because it is really unpopular in RPGSS.

CONCLUSION : You have a strong basis for solid magic items that could enter the contest and do well. You can do much better than this.

[The Raven Black]

I just realized that using spoilers makes it more complicated to answer the comments. But it was too late to edit my own post :-(

So, fellow posters, in the future of this thread, please use bold formatting (as Curaigh does) rather than spoilers when giving feedback, even if it makes for longer posts. For once it is actually worthwhile here ;-)

[The Raven Black]

Thanks a lot to all of you for taking the time to do these critiques of my item.

When I designed this item, I took Russ’s restriction (not improving your own senses) and decided to do the exact opposite (debuffing your opponents’ perception). And I quickly came to realize that most PCs try to get items that improve their senses just so that they will be at less of a disadvantage when fighting opponents who have special senses that the PCs do not.

A specific memory from PFS sprung to my mind then of a very frustrating and dangerous encounter with a Dark Folk who could see perfectly in the supernatural darkness that crippled all PCs.

So, I thought of leveling the field by turning the table on the PCs’ opponents. Akin to the common tactics of restricting such an opponent’s vision through Fog or Invisibility. This is what guided my design.

I will be concentrating my answers on the points that need improvement, but you should all know that I greatly appreciated the positive comments you gave me. I was not expecting such praise.

Jacob W. Michaels wrote:

Blind Man’s Scarf

I like this a lot. Plays with some neat areas, uses a perfect spell in oracle's burden... I'm not sure the big burst ability would be super popular as the wording means it would also affect allies within 60 feet (which usually includes all allies, since groups rarely get that separated).

Admittedly I did include the wearer’s allies on purpose, because of the “everyone equal now” concept I had. And that is a clear case of valuing my design ideas (as in “I’m so clever”) over common player’s sense. I agree that PCs will be far more likely to buy an item that gives them an advantage over their opponents. And it actually makes more in-game sense for a crafter to create such an item.

Lesson here : use common player (and GM) sense rather than overestimating the value of your own ideas.

Quote:

You have a few small wording issue that you should try to match with Paizo's style. For example, I'd write "When activating the scarf, the wearer can choose any creature within 60 feet he is aware of. The target must succeed at a DC 17 Will save or lose any special senses..."

I agree that using the "target" parlance is far more common (and cleaner) but I specifically avoided it because targeting needs either seeing or touching the target. In the Dark Folk ambush I mentioned above, we knew the guy was there, but we could not see him and even less touch him. Hence the more complicated wording I used ;-)

Quote:

I'd also say "donning the scarf again is a move action *THAT* does not provoke attacks of opportunity."

OMG. Just saw that I was tricked by the PRD Search, as I just read the small excerpts it gave me and mistook that for the common use. When checking the CRB, I realized that “THAT” is indeed the correct way to write it. The AND examples from the Search were actually THAT x AND y :-/

Lesson here : always check the complete text and not only the PRD Search results.

Quote:

I was going to raise the duration as a concern -- 1 round (don't spell out one) seems short and would mean I might have to spend my whole combat just activating this each round, which isn't super exciting. A short duration might work better. On the other hand, a short duration might mean I'd want this limited in terms of uses/day and I like that it's not. Truthfully, though, I'd probably make a longer duration and limit the number of uses per day.

You are right. This, in addition to the lessened benefit for PCs having better senses (see Stephen’s comment below), made me realize a crucial design flaw with this item.

It is what I call follower fodder. Something to be used by a weak NPC ally rather than a PC himself. This is often due to the action economy of the item (that you mentioned here) but can also come from its effect itself (what Stephen mentioned).

I definitely need to change this.

Quote:

I think my other big concern is price. For 40,000 gp, I'm not sure how many people would keep this. Eyes isn't the most popular slot so it's got that working for it, but with that price, you're not looking to have this until 10th level. I'm not sure that a DC 17 Will save would be that effective by that time, which reduces the value. Even if that's the price as determined by the pricing chart, I think I'd halve it due to its circumstantial nature.

Excellent point about the price (and the DC). I do not exactly remember how I ended up with this, but I recall realizing afterwards that I had forgotten that the burst effect was only available once a day when pricing it. I was comfortable with the price because I saw the effect as quite powerful since many high CR monsters are efficient because of their better senses. But the DC is definitely not in line with it.

Lesson here : check the DC vs the level when PCs can get access to the item.

Quote:

Still, overall, I really like this item. Nice job, TRB.

Thank you. This means a lot to me coming from someone with your impressive pedigree :-)

Curaigh wrote:

Where you burwned wid acid or someding? :)

Did not know this quote. How oddly fitting :-)

Quote:

* "...at a DC17 Will save... is missing a space.

Quite right. I need to be more meticulous when checking the PRD.

Quote:

** at first I thought removing scent, tremorsense and the like was too powerful. Especially as it removes 'all' of senses. But a one round duration might be enough to mitigate this. Activating it is a standard so it really only lets the wearer make a move action that the target won't notice. (Unless the target has eyes, and is aware of the wearer a very good chance). This makes it a very niche item, which at 40k seems to high.

Indeed, the price vs power and the action economy are definitely the most obvious flaws in my design here.

Quote:

***I like the affect all within 60 ft. affect. It creates an 'invisibility cloak' or 'hide in plain site' for the user in a more mundane way which I found creative.

Nice work.

Thank you for your kind words :-)

Stephen Stack wrote:

*A blindfold that negatively affects other creatures’ vision is a really neat idea! The single target/multiple target uses are fun and useful as well, and I like the visual of removing the item to activate it's AoE ability.

Thank you. It is an honor to receive such positive comments from a Top32 :-)

Quote:

*The biggest hangup I have is that the single target ability seems to have unlimited uses. Targets have to save each time, and it only lasts one round, but it still feels odd to me. Maybe limiting use to once per creature per day and extending the duration a little would feel more in line with how these things usually work in Pathfinder.

You are right. That is the first thing that makes my item follower fodder :-)

Quote:

*It occurs to me that this item is actually less useful the more senses you have. I think that's the point, but the oracle is specifically named as a class that could benefit from this. Even though you can potentially impose your clouded vision on enemies, as you grow in level you gain more senses and therefore can't take away senses like darkvision and blindsense that you gain! Just a strange hiccup I noticed.

That is an excellent point that I completely missed when finishing the design. Likely because I was so obsessed with my “leveling the field” concept.

It nails my item as definite follower fodder.

Kerney wrote:

Awesome, simple idea that is unique and is exactly what I'm looking for in rpg superstar. Wouldn't mind a bit more description but what you did was reasonable.

First, thanks for the very high praise. I almost regret having submitted this item here now. That said I am a very strong believer in focusing on the creativity rather than the creation, so all is well ;-)

I also agree with your point on description. I need to practice it so that it feels less like dry / boring crunch.

Quote:

Like the second ability. Only complaint is it is rather expensive. You might use a judgement call to lower the cost.

Yes. You will find my revised version cheaper (not too cheap now, I hope).

I tried to integrate all your excellent points (and my own ideas for improvement) in this new and revised version. Hope you like it :-)

*********************
Blind Man’s Scarf II
Aura moderate necromancy; CL 9th
Slot eyes; Price 23,400 gp; Weight 1/2 lb.
Description
This unassuming black veil adorned with small eyeshaped lead plates is worn over the eyes, as if intended to mask some debilitating injury. Crafted of silky gossamer strands, it does not impair the wearer’s perception in any way.

Three times par day, the wearer can activate the scarf and choose any creature he is aware of. If the chosen creature is within 60 feet of the scarf when it is activated, it must succeed at a DC 17 Will save or lose any special senses (such as darkvision, tremorsense, blindsense) it possesses and suffer from any effect that negatively affects the wearer’s perception (such as the hindrance of the clouded vision oracle curse or the blinded condition). This lasts for 5 rounds.

Once per day, if the wearer removes the scarf from his eyes when activating it, a wave of distorted shadows interspersed with motes of blinding light washes over all creatures within 60 feet, affecting them with the scarf’s ability. At that time, the wearer can choose up to 5 targets in the area. These targets are not affected by this effect.

Once removed, donning the scarf again is a move action that does not provoke attacks of opportunity.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, blindness/deafness, oracle’s burden; Cost 11,700 gp

[Rose Stack]

I've revised my item as well! I focused on paring down some of the cluttered structure of the language, as well as making the effects clearer and hopefully a little more interesting. :)

Blind Love Patch II
Aura moderate enchantment; CL 7th
Slot eyes; Price 33,600 gp; Weight —
Description
Red and white hearts cover this leather eye patch, dancing hypnotically when one watches them. Three times per day, as part of casting a spell or spell-like ability of the enchantment school, the wearer can activate the blind love patch to affect creatures normally immune to mind-affecting spells, but not mindless creatures. In addition, she can increase the hit die limit of that spell by half her caster level. For instance, with a caster level of 10, she could add 5 to the limit of a sleep spell, causing it to affect 9 hit dice worth of creatures.

By expending two uses of the blind love patch[/b], the wearer can affect even mindless creatures with her spell. Alternatively, she can affect a creature normally immune to the specific effect of her spell, such as using a spell that causes paralysis on a dragon. Instead of its normal effect, however, the spell causes the target to be dazed for one round if they fail a Will save against the normal DC of the spell.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, [i]blindness/deafness, charm monster; Cost 16,800 gp

[Belabras]

Sorry it's taken so long. Hopefully these are helpful.

Warpath Goggles:

Interesting idea! Taking the phrase 'seeing red' to a new place, and nicely done. This feels a bit like the Cavalier Order of the Flame's Glorious Challenge, but is significantly different and new enough to differentiate.

My only criticism is the name. Warpath would suggest indiscriminate rage, directed against multiple foes, which these very much do not embody. Maybe something like "Lenses of Furious Focus"

Spectacles of the Magician:

'lenses seem to be made of the really thin pearl.' is awkward. Also, avoid 'seem'. Are they pearlescent? Perhaps the lenses possess the sheen and luster of mollusk's inner shell?

I have a personal thing against making metamagic feats easier for mages to use. It isn't wrong, but I feel like the rods make it more than easy enough already. That said, the bonus here is pretty minor. I'm not clear how the charge mechanic works though. Do they loose a charge every time the insight bonus is invoked?

Blind Man's Scarf:

Neat concept. I thought this was going to be another "loose sight, gain blindsight" thing, but it very much isn't. Instead it's a 'drag you down to my level' item. Not something I've seen before!

I think you could have gone with bestow curse as the spell requirement for this, instead of the two spells. That, along with the limited uses per day, would bring the cost down.

I'm not clear why removing the scarf during activation effects all creatures in a 60ft area. I'm not opposed to it, it just feels like you had an idea here that isn't fully realized. Also, that should maybe take 2 or 3 of the daily uses to activate.

*edit* I see your edit now. Definitely an improvement!

Groetus' Mask:

This is an awkward phrase 'resembles an ashen faced skull with dark, hollow eyes with an uncaring expression'. Probably should break this up into two sentences.

You may want to vary your word choices. 'Under' and 'uncaring' used twice in the same two word paragraph is too much.

This feels more like a cursed item. Given the thematic ties, that may be the intent. As is the benefits seem outweighed by the drawbacks.

As has been pointed out to me in this thread, it is best to avoid non-standard craft requirements like the insanity here.

[FedoraFerret]

My revised version. Took a good deal of the criticism into account.

Warpath Goggles II
Aura faint enchantment; CL 5th
Slot eyes; Price 40,000 gp; Weight 1/2 lb
Description

These clear lenses, tinted with red, are held together by a thin leather strap bearing animalistic markings. Three times per day as a move action, the wearer may focus on a target, granting him a +2 morale bonus to his melee attack rolls against that target. This increases to +3 on the next round, and by an additional +1 every round after that (maximum +7), the red of the lenses expanding inwards until the fifth round, when the lenses have turned completely red.

While this effect is active, the wearer takes a penalty on attack rolls against other enemies equal to his bonus to attack against the target.

This effect remains until the target is dead or the next time the wearer rests. Removing the goggles negates the bonus without removing the penalties, as the wearer's vision remains clouded by a red haze.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item; rage; Cost 20,000 gp

(one note I wanted to hit on is the criticism of the drawback. While I considered the feedback, I felt it wasn't a drawback for the sake of a drawback, but necessary towards the theme. I'm only making this note because I didn't want to think those who had pointed it out towards me were being ignored, it was definitely valuable advice).

[Jeffrey Swank]

Hi Fedora,
As someone whos writing can always use some wordsmithing/editing, I am no expert at this by any means...but, I feel reading through your item, you could use a bit of a clean up. I know others here could do an even better job then I, but these are just some initial changes I might have made:

FedoraFerret wrote:

These clear lenses, tinted with red, are held together by a thin leather strap bearing animalistic markings.

These red tinted lenses are held together by a thin leather strap bearing animalistic markings.

FedoraFerret wrote:

Three times per day as a move action, the wearer may focus on a target, granting him a +2 morale bonus to his melee attack rolls against that target.

Three times per day as a move action, the wearer may gain a +2 morale bonus to melee attack rolls against a specified target.

FedoraFerret wrote:

This increases to +3 on the next round, and by an additional +1 every round after that (maximum +7), the red of the lenses expanding inwards until the fifth round, when the lenses have turned completely red.

This bonus increases by +1 each additional round (maximum +7), as the tint converges on the center of the lenses rendering them completely red.

FedoraFerret wrote:

While this effect is active, the wearer takes a penalty on attack rolls against other enemies equal to his bonus to attack against the target.

While this bonus is in effect, the wearer gains an equal penalty towards any other target.

FedoraFerret wrote:

This effect remains until the target is dead or the next time the wearer rests.

The wearer retains this bonus until his specified target is dead or until the wearer rests.

FedoraFerret wrote:

Removing the goggles negates the bonus without removing the penalties, as the wearer's vision remains clouded by a red haze.

Not saying what you wrote was wrong, but always attempt to be concise. I hope that helps. :)

[Wren Brown]

Hey Everyone,
Sorry to disappear from this thread. I got kind of busy with my day job and writing some things for my R.I.G. products.

I am going to start giving some feedback on the items posted in response to my design challenge.

Stephen Stack wrote:

Here is my challenge item! I'll write up some feedback for what's been posted here later. :)

Blind Love Patch
Aura moderate enchantment; CL 7th
Slot eyes; Price 33,600 gp; Weight —
Description
The alternating red and white target pattern on this leather eye patch forms the shape of a heart. Three times per day, as part of casting a mind-affecting spell or spell-like ability, the wearer can activate the blind love patch to affect a non-mindless target that is normally not a valid target for her spell. For instance, the wearer could activate the blind love patch to cast charm person on a target other than a humanoid. This does not allow her to affect creatures that exceed the hit die limits of the spell (such as daze or sleep). When activated, the bullseye pattern on the blind love patch animates with a hypnotic oscillation. The eyes (if any) of a creature under the effects of an mind-affecting spell cast with the blind love patch resemble the heart shaped target pattern on the eye patch for the duration of the spell.

The wearer can expend two daily uses of her blind love patch to affect creatures normally immune to the effects of her mind-affecting spell, such as affecting a dragon or elf with a spell that induces sleep. When the wearer uses the blind love patch in this way, she can also add half her caster level to the hit die limit of a mind-affecting spell. This still does not allow the wearer to affect mindless creatures with mind-affecting spells.

The creator of a blind love patch may use Profession (matchmaker) in place of the Craft or Spellcraft skill when creating it....

Overall I like this item. The only criticism I have is that allowing the [b]blind love patch[/i] to affect all mind affecting spells weakens the theme of the item a bit. Restricting it to charm spells would strengthen the theme but make the item less usefull overall so I am not sure which is the best way to go. Perhaps changing the flavor to be hypnosis based instead of love based would better tie the theme to the mechanics.

I also like the ability to spend 2 uses to boost the power of the item. Good job Stephen.

[Wren Brown]

Curaigh wrote:

Per Russ's eye/face challenge, I now present this for your torture perusal.

Miasmic Vapor Mask
Aura moderate conjuration and enchantment; CL 8th
Slot head; Price 26,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Two eyes of green vapor and a pointed chin mark this alabaster mask. Words spoken while wearing the mask gain a jarring, nails-on-chalkboard sound. Upon activation, the wearer transforms into a miasmic green vapor supporting the still solid mask. The mask flies 60 feet leaving a trail of vapor along its path.

Any creature in this path may make an attack of opportunity against the mask. If successful the vapors burst into a 5 ft. radius cloud centered on the creature and lasts for one round. The mask flies in a random direction (using 5 feet of its movement) but then continues to the end of its movement. The mask has AC 16 and hardness 6. All damage beyond hardness is passed to the wearer.

Any living creature beginning its turn in the vapor becomes staggered for one round and must make a Will save as the vapors seep through its pores and into its mind. Failure imparts feelings of doom manifesting as a -2 penalty on attacks and saving throws for the round. An affected target must make a new save at the beginning of its turn each round to remove the doom effect. Once a creature successfully saves, they are no longer affected.

The wearer reforms at the mask’s new location on beginning of his next turn.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Persistent Spell; crushing despair, stinking cloud, yeah there is probably a better spell in Occult Adventures; Cost 13,000 gp

apologies for the first draft :)

This is an interesting item. However there are a few things that were not clear to me.

1. how long does the trail of vapor left by the mask persist? The cloud that is created on a successful AOO lasts one round, but the duration of the trail itself is not mentioned.
2. The 5 foot radius cloud that is created on a successful AOO should probably be centered on a grid intersection instead of the creature. Probably one of the corners of the creatures space.
3. The wording of the Will save is unclear and non-standard. There is no DC listed. Also being staggered with no save is a bit powerful.

I do like the flavor of the mask floating in vapor. Also good job providing the AC and hardness of the mask, those are things we definitely need to know.

[Wren Brown]

FedoraFerret wrote:

New to the challenge and the competition, but I thought to myself hey, could be fun.

Warpath Goggles
Aura faint enchantment; CL 5th
Slot eyes; Price 14,000 gp; Weight 1/2 lb
Description

The leather strap of these brown goggles is inscribed with a series of tribal markings, and the clear lenses have a slight red tint around their edges. Three times per day as a swift action, the wearer may focus on a target, granting him a +2 bonus to his next attack roll against that target. This increases to +4 on the next round, and by an additional +2 every round after that (maximum +10), the red of the lenses expanding inwards until the fifth round, when the lenses have turned completely red.

While this effect is active, the wearer may not make attacks of opportunity against anyone other than the target, and takes a penalty on attack rolls against other enemies equal to his bonus to attack against the target.

This effect remains until the target is dead or the next time the wearer rests. Removing the goggles does not negate the effect, as the wearer's vision remains clouded by a red haze.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item; rage; Cost 7,000 gp

Hi FF, welcome to the Blazing 9 thread.

I like the idea of the warpath googles but I am not sure when their effect is supposed to end. Does it end after the fifth round? The current wording suggests that after the fifth round the +10 to hit persists until the target is dead. This is extremely powerful, probably too powerful in my opinion. I would suggest having the effect build only until the wearer either hits the target or after the fifth round at which point it ends.

Pretty good for a first effort though, looks like you got all of the template stuff correct.

[Jarrett Sigler]

I'm not gone!

I'm just dealing with the holidays. I hope everyone has a glorious holiday season!

Built myself a holiday themed dungeon to run for my local gaming buddies.

It's my version of that there "bad holiday sweater".

[Jeffrey Swank]

FedoraFerret wrote:

Warpath Goggles
Aura faint enchantment; CL 5th
Slot eyes; Price 14,000 gp; Weight 1/2 lb
Description

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item; rage; Cost 7,000 gp

Small template error with the semicolon instead of a comma after Craft Wondrous Item.

[Rose Stack]

My monster entry is gonna be late. I've been busy, so maybe I can just get a first draft up this weekend!

[Isaac Volynskiy]

I was thinking about light-themed holidays, and then somehow ended up with this??

This sleek serpent’s scales look like quartz chips, and ambient light is refracted into brilliant hues through its flared hood.

Prismhood Cobra CR 1
 XP 400
N Small magical beast
Init +3; Senses low-light vision, scent; Perception +9

----- Defense -----
AC 16, touch 14, flat-footed 13 (+3 Dex, +2 natural, +1 size)
hp 11 (2d10)
Fort +2, Ref +5, Will +1
Immune dazzled

----- Offense -----
Speed 20 ft., climb 20 ft., swim 20 ft.
Melee bite +6 (1d4-2 plus poison)
Spell-Like Abilities (CL 3rd; concentration +4)
1/day—hypnotic pattern (DC 14, can only be used in bright light)

----- Statistics -----
Str 6, Dex 16, Con 11, Int 5, Wis 13, Cha 12
Base Atk +2; CMB +1; CMD 12 (can’t be tripped)
Feats Weapon Finesse
Skills Climb +5, Perception +9, Stealth +7, Swim +5; Racial Modifiers +4 Perception
Languages Sylvan (can’t speak)
SQ Light Refractor

----- Ecology -----
Environment any temperate and warm
Organization solitary
Treasure none

----- Special Abilities -----
Familiar Service A spellcaster of at least 5th level who has the Improved Familiar feat can gain a prismhood cobra as a familiar.
Light Refractor (Ex) A prismhood cobra counts as an object for purposes of being targeted by spells with the light descriptor. If a light descriptor spell is cast on a prismhood cobra, the spell is treated as though it were cast using the Heighten Spell feat.
Poison (Ex) Bite—injury; save Fort DC 11; frequency 1/round for 6 rounds; effect 1d2 Cha damage; cure 1 save.

Prismhood cobras are naturally inquisitive and hate being in darkness. As such, they often wander into towns, seeking lit torches and candles for the evening. Unaggressive to larger creatures and cunning enough to understand goodwill, cobras will sometimes allow natives to adopt them, and help control pests and as tourist attractions.

A prismhood can magically sustain itself from magical light, and being within range of such light for two hours covers the creature’s dietary needs for the day. On the hunt, a prismhood generally targets vermin and lesser snakes with its stupefying bite, mesmerizing them as the venom takes hold.

If it bonds with a spellcaster, a prismhood can become a loyal and gregarious companion, shedding its solitary nature like old skin. It can be taught to convey simple words through patterned hood flares.

[Belabras]

Cool critter PA!

"magically sustain itself from magical light.." is a lot of magic. Maybe lose the adverb.

[Isaac Volynskiy]

That's what happens when you edit in the preview post box, things like that slip through @_@

Good catch.

[Mikko Kallio]

Isaac Volynskiy wrote:

I was thinking about light-themed holidays, and then somehow ended up with this??

This sleek serpent’s scales look like quartz chips, and ambient light is refracted into brilliant hues through its flared hood.

Prismhood Cobra CR 1
 XP 400
N Small magical beast
Init +3; Senses low-light vision, scent; Perception +9

----- Defense -----
AC 16, touch 14, flat-footed 13 (+3 Dex, +2 natural, +1 size)
hp 11 (2d10)
Fort +2, Ref +5, Will +1
Immune dazzled

----- Offense -----
Speed 20 ft., climb 20 ft., swim 20 ft.
Melee bite +6 (1d4-2 plus poison)
Spell-Like Abilities (CL 3rd; concentration +4)
1/day—hypnotic pattern (DC 14, can only be used in bright light)

----- Statistics -----
Str 6, Dex 16, Con 11, Int 5, Wis 13, Cha 12
Base Atk +2; CMB +1; CMD 12 (can’t be tripped)
Feats Weapon Finesse
Skills Climb +5, Perception +9, Stealth +7, Swim +5; Racial Modifiers +4 Perception
Languages Sylvan (can’t speak)
SQ Light Refractor

----- Ecology -----
Environment any temperate and warm
Organization solitary
Treasure none

----- Special Abilities -----
Familiar Service A spellcaster of at least 5th level who has the Improved Familiar feat can gain a prismhood cobra as a familiar.
Light Refractor (Ex) A prismhood cobra counts as an object for purposes of being targeted by spells with the light descriptor. If a light descriptor spell is cast on a prismhood cobra, the spell is treated as though it were cast using the Heighten Spell feat.
Poison (Ex) Bite—injury; save Fort DC 11; frequency 1/round for 6 rounds; effect 1d2 Cha damage; cure 1 save.

Prismhood cobras are naturally inquisitive and hate being in darkness. As such, they often wander into towns, seeking lit torches and...

A monster!

I really like the idea, and for the most part, also the execution. Let's have a closer look.
* Template use is nearly perfect; the only thing I caught was Light Refractor; ability names are not capitalized except when used as titles. Oh I just noticed that frequency isn't italicized in the poison entry.
* The name is ok, and the flavor text is very good. "Look like" is not very dynamic as a verb, but it's a minor quibble.
* Its abilities make sense. I think the Cha poison is a nice touch; it is more fitting more for a magical snake like this than a poison targeting a physical ability score would be.
* The writeup mentions that they wander into towns and interact with people. I like that because it makes the creature usable also in a social encounter. But it's more likely that people will try to kill them or run away, or catch it because they're probably worth a few hundred gp--a fortune to a villager! That's just how people generally are... I think it would be better if you had mentioned that the friendly interactions mostly only occur in towns where snakes are considered sacred (maybe somewhere in Vudra?), or something like that.
* Not sure if I like it that they have two very different ways to feed themselves. Whatever the process that created them, I think it would make more sense if they only had one method of feeding. Again a minor quibble.
* Avoid using the future tense "will".
* If this was an RPGSS entry, I would expect it to have more new abilities, more new mechanics. Familiar service and poison aren't new abilities as such, and the part about Heightened Spell just doesn't work. It involves a choice to be made, but if the spell automatically becomes heightened, who gets to choose, the caster or the snake? Does it use up a higher level slot? I'm guessing you probably intended it to be Extend Spell or something else but forgot to check what the feat actually does, but I cannot know. Either way, I really think it would need a LOT more interesting mechanics to be successful in RPGSS. In a splatbook it wouldn't be a problem; familiars rarely have very many new abilities.

Really cool flavor but lacking mechanics. As a former judge, I'd say that this one would be a Weak Reject.

[Isaac Volynskiy]

Hm, it's supposed to Heighten automatically (no choice involved on either party once the cobra is targeted) at no slot increase, like a metamagic rod. The goal is to break higher level darkness spells.

I'll have to pay closer attention to formatting and style.

I think on a redo, I would amp it to CR 2 (lvl 7 improved familiar), and use that space to come up with some cool new abilities to compete with the spell-likes such familiars usually get.

Thanks for the detailed review, Mikko!

Edit: I'd keep the two different types of feeding because I like how it distinguishes wild vs. domesticated.

[Mikko Kallio]

Isaac Volynskiy wrote:

Hm, it's supposed to Heighten automatically (no choice involved on either party once the cobra is targeted) at no slot increase, like a metamagic rod. The goal is to break higher level darkness spells.

I'll have to pay closer attention to formatting and style.

I think on a redo, I would amp it to CR 2 (lvl 7 improved familiar), and use that space to come up with some cool new abilities to compete with the spell-likes such familiars usually get.

Thanks for the detailed review, Mikko!

Edit: I'd keep the two different types of feeding because I like how it distinguishes wild vs. domesticated.

Regarding Heighten Spell, the problem is that the feat allows you to increase the spell level as much as you like, so it always involves a choice. For example, light can be made a 1st-level spell, a 9th-level spell, or anything in between. I presume you meant it gives a 1-level bump, but because the ability doesn't say that I have to regard it as a mistake. Also, as far as I know, Paizo has never published a rod of heighten spell, so there is no precedent on how it should work. So, I think it is necessary to mention a) how much the level is increased and b) that it doesn't require using a higher-level slot.

I like the idea of making the cobra a CR 2 improved familiar.

And no problem! I'm glad to help.

[dafelsheim]

Totally following this thread, and will be posting in the near future!

[Jarrett Sigler]

My entry into my own little mini-challenge

A paper tube covered in diagrams of stars and sparks with a single wooden guide along the tube. Showering brilliant sparks and pops the tube dances in the air as if dancing.
Dancing Bottle-Rocket CR 1/2
 XP 200
N Tiny Construct
Init +0; Senses darkvision 60ft, Perception +0
----- Defense -----
AC 12, touch 12, flat-footed 12 (+2 size)
hp 5 (1d10)
Fort +0, Ref+0, Will +0
Immune construct traits, Explosive form
----- Offense -----
Speed fly (clumsy) 20ft.
Melee slam +2 (1d2+1)

----- Statistics -----
Str 12, Dex 11, Con —, Int —, Wis 10, Cha 5
Base Atk +1; CMB –1; CMD 11 (can’t be tripped)
Skills fly –2, stealth –20 Racial Modifiers -20 stealth
SQ Dazzling Finish
----- Ecology -----
Environment any
Organization stockpile
Treasure none
----- Special Abilities -----
Dazzling Finish (Ex) When a dancing bottle-rocket reaches zero hit points it is destroyed in a particularly extravagant fashion. In the act of being destroyed the dancing bottle-rocket releases blinding flashes and patterns. Creatures that can see within 10 feet must succeed a DC 10 will save or be dazzled for 1 round. Creatures that succeed the saving throw are not dazzled.
Explosive Form (Ex) When a dancing bottle-rocket is dealt any fire damage, the dancing bottle-rocket explodes brilliantly in a multi-colored patterns. All creatures within 10 feet must succeed a DC 10 reflex save or be set on fire for 1d4 points of fire damage. Creatures that succeed the save take no damage and are not set on fire.

Dancing bottle-rockets are a special breed of easily created animated objects. Once created these peculiar constructs often flit about and dance in a simulation of joy. Able to follow only rudimentary commands like “go” and “stop” and “Up” as they are unintelligent. They streak along as fast as they can creating brilliant trails of light.
Creating a dancing bottle-rocket requires the Craft Construct feat, a Skyrocket Firework and the animate objects spell. Each dancing bottle-rocket counts as a single small object that is animated.

[dafelsheim]

This being epitomizes masculine beauty, appearing as a six-foot tall, lithely muscled young male humanoid of swarthy complexion, sunny hair, and sapphire eyes. Strapped to his back is a golden quiver of arrows and gold again is a laurel wreathe in his hair. Auric raptor wings span proudly from his shoulders. He holds a superbly crafted longbow.

EROTES CR 5
1,600 XP
CG Medium Outsider (chaotic, extraplanar, good
Init +3; Senses darkvision 60 ft., detect magic; Perception +9
Aura emotion aura (DC 16)

DEFENSE
AC 18, touch 13, flat-footed 15, (+3 Dex, +5 natural)
hp 33 (6d10)
Fort +2, Ref +5, Will +5
DR 5/evil or magic; Immune enchantments; SR 18

OFFENSE
Speed 30 ft., fly 90 ft. (good)
Melee unarmed strike +6/+1 (1d3 nonlethal) or 2 wings +6 (1d4)
Ranged +1 conductive endless ammunition ironwood longbow +10/+5 (1d8+1/x3)
Space 5 ft.; Reach 5 ft.

Spell-Like Abilities (CL 6th; concentration +9))

• Constant – detect magic
  
• At will – detect evil, negative reaction (DC 14)
  
• 3/day – adoration, calm emotions (DC 15), charm person (DC 14), honeyed tongue, seducer's eyes, unbreakable heart, unnatural lust (DC 15)
  
• 1/day – enticing adulation (DC 17), lover's vengeance, reckless infatuation (DC 16), unadulterated loathing (DC 16)
  
• 1/week – charm monster (DC 17), curse of disgust (DC 18), malicious spite (DC 17)
  

STATISTICS
Str 10, Dex 16, Con 10, Int 10, Wis 10, Cha 16
Base Atk +6; CMB +6; CMD 19
Feats Point-Blank Shot, Precise Shot, Rapid Shot
Skills Acrobatics +4, Bluff +8, Diplomacy +16, Fly +16, Knowledge (arcana) +2, Knowledge (planes) +7, Perception +9, Perform (all) +7, Sense Motive +15, Spellcraft +8, Stealth +7 ; Racial Modifiers +4 Diplomacy, +4 Fly, +6 Sense Motive
Languages Celestial, telepathy 100ft.

ECOLOGY
Environment any
Organization solitary, pair, or band (3-5)
Treasure +1 conductive endless ammunition ironwood longbow

Erotes are Outsiders that represent all forms of desire, particularly visceral attraction. They are the nigh-infinite multiplication of the God Eros (Desire aka Cupid) acting as their progenitor's agents throughout the planes. They seek to bring together mortals (usually mortals, at least) that they deem worthy of and complimentary to each other for the greater good. Additionally, they seek to rout evil by turning its most powerful weapon – hatred – back on its own.

[Kim Frandsen]

First off, my late item, that was due last month. Technically also my first ever magic weapon, so a bit off the deep end for me.

Boulderslinger
Aura faint transmutation; CL 8th
Slot none; Price 24,000 gp; Weight —
Description
This sling is made from tough, flesh-colored, leather, with the sling pouch made of a rocky, yet skinlike, material.

Boulderslinger is a +1 Bane (Humanoid (giant)) sling, which changes size automatically to match the wielder.
When stones are slung from Boulderslinger, they automatically change size to match that of the target, increasing the damage as per the damage dice progression chart.
Note that the sling stone will never decrease in size even when hurled at a smaller target than the wielder.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, gravity bow, shrink item, summon monster I; Cost 12,000 gp

[The Raven Black]

Kim Frandsen wrote:

First off, my late item, that was due last month. Technically also my first ever magic weapon, so a bit off the deep end for me.

Boulderslinger
Aura faint transmutation; CL 8th
Slot none; Price 24,000 gp; Weight —
Description
This sling is made from tough, flesh-colored, leather, with the sling pouch made of a rocky, yet skinlike, material.

Boulderslinger is a +1 Bane (Humanoid (giant)) sling, which changes size automatically to match the wielder.
When stones are slung from Boulderslinger, they automatically change size to match that of the target, increasing the damage as per the damage dice progression chart.
Note that the sling stone will never decrease in size even when hurled at a smaller target than the wielder.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, gravity bow, shrink item, summon monster I; Cost 12,000 gp

I like the gist of this weapon, even though it feels familiar due to the very common trope it uses. But there are many parts that can be improved.

I get the name, but it feels like the name of a unique item (ie, artifact), likely because of its portmanteau construction. This might lose you some votes in RPGSS.

Aura should be moderate (CL 8).

Price should include the price for the Masterwork weapon (and thus not be twice the Cost).

Price feels a little high for what is an uncommon projectile weapon, but its ability will be useful against most opponents you meet when you can afford it (ie, not only Giants). Be aware though that it feels so much like an anti-giants weapon that some voters might miss it.
Still, the ability is priced at approximately +1.5 bonus and I do not feel that it is that powerful. Maybe some additional ability that you can activate a limited number of times per day could make up for this.

The description is a bit too short for my taste and does not really gives the sparkles of magic that would sell me this item. Some more descriptive text, ideally including non-visual elements, would get you more votes IMO. An example that sprung to my mind : "ammunition placed in this sling's pouch feels distinctly heavier though that does not impair the weapon's efficiency"

Also, I really felt that the description was talking about it being made from the skin of giants but tried very hard (too hard) to avoid saying it, maybe because people might frown on this. Regrettably the resulting wording does not help giving a powerful first impression of your item.

I was a bit worried about the weapon adapting its size to the wielder because it is very much something that many people do not like in the PFRPG rules. A wise reviewer once told me that RPGSS is not the place to make a stealth-patch to a rule you may not like. That said, here it fits with the main ability so it's okay for me.

Linking to an obscure rule so that voters can more easily assess your item is good. But a link that does not point to the PRD is a big No No IMO. Just point to the relevant rule in the PRD and let ruleslawyers worry about the rest ;-).

It is not clear whether the stone goes back to its normal size and when this would happen. You really need to clarify this.

And I would not mind an additional once a day power that gives a huge boost to the standard ability.

Requirements : I do not see why summon monster appears here. The other spells were already quite fitting.

CONCLUSION : You bring some very strong points here and your item is quite solid despite its flaws. But it does not really awe. It has the potential though IMO.

[Kim Frandsen]

Thanks Jarrett. I appreciate the feedback. Will revise in a few days, once people have had a chance to check it out.
One note though, as it caught me by surprise too: The summon monster spell is a requirement for the Bane property. Bit weird that one.

[Kim Frandsen]

And i just realized my phone had some weird display issue. Sorry Raven, I saw Jarrett's picture, so didn't read the name. My apologies.

[The Raven Black]

Kim Frandsen wrote:

And i just realized my phone had some weird display issue. Sorry Raven, I saw Jarrett's picture, so didn't read the name. My apologies.

No problem. Hope the comments helped.And good catch about the Bane requirements. It is something that many voters will easily miss and I now think that basic properties (such as Bane) are best avoided in RPGSS items unless their requirements actually make sense for the final item. Too much of a risk that voters will misunderstand it and downvote the item otherwise.

[Anthony Adam]

Jarrett Sigler wrote:

My entry into my own little mini-challenge

A paper tube covered in diagrams of stars and sparks with a single wooden guide along the tube. Showering brilliant sparks and pops the tube dances in the air as if dancing.

Had a quick glance in between holiday family get togethers, a few thoughts on this, all to do with the writing style... These are my own thoughts and so should be read in that context and you can make your own minds up about each point :)

Happy Holidays.

".... dances in the air as if dancing" - is too repetitive of the word dance. Simple stop after "air" losing "as if dancing", results in a far stronger description. That said - creature descriptions should not assume action, state of mind or reactions - they imply and virtually enforce how they are encountered and so restricting the GMs creative reins.

Keep to descriptive terms that avoid an action or motivation or reactions that could be caused in a particular method of encounter... unless it does so all of the time, e.g. "a quivering jelly of red translucent blood" would be okay, but "a jelly that quivers with anticipation..." assumes a mind set and creature reaction in that it is anticipating something.

Other examples to avoid that I hope illustrate the sorts of things to avoid:

"breathing heavily" - you immediately think why? exertion? excitement?
"keening wail that pierces the soul" - especially if the creature hunts, a continuous keening wail would be a bit of a give away
"fingers/claws twitching/grasping"
"raising up from a pool of dark water"
"snarling in anger"
etc.

Other things I spotted, that kind of threw me - animated objects have breeds? I would have thought the term that would be more correct is something like "type".

I couldn't work out how the "cant be tripped" comes to being in this creature - it feels tacked on to me. I can understand it likely came from the dancing aspect, but dancers do trip and can be tripped, so it just didn't feel cohesive to the design for me.

I also wondered - what if I use fireball that deals fire damage AND reduces the creature to zero hit points - does that mean BOTH effects trigger and in what order?

Be careful of introducing new collective terms in Organization entries without qualifying them - look at existing creatures for examples - e.g. the entry for Angel is "solitary, pair, or squad (3–6)"

solitary is obvious
pair is obvious
squad is qualified

so we need to know what constitutes a stockpile in the same manner... one last thought emerges from this...

Explosive form deals fire damage (1d4), which is fire damage that hits ALL creatures including any other stockpile members - which all explode having been dealt any fire damage, radiating out from the central initiating mini explosion... So..., if a stockpile is 10, then I get up to a cascade of 10d4 damage on the poor sap that uses fire on just one of them? I get the feeling a stockpile is more than 10 though! Ouch! >.<

And the very last thing, if it understands rudimentary commands, then it must have a language even if it cant speak it otherwise how does it know what is being spoken across the myriad of languages in game?

Sorry for the wall, I tend to get thorough when I get going >.<

[Jarrett Sigler]

This is a GOOD question for you Anthony: As you have the glorious familiar Template Fu after all.
I thought when something states: "save or be set on fire for 1d4 points of fire damage" I thought the effect sets you on fire, and being on fire takes 1d4 points of damage until put out.
You are either set on fire or not?

And being set on fire implies that you are taking 1d6 points of damage or a set amount of damage declared by the effect?

If that's not the case, clearly I wrote the effect wrong, and I would HATE to do that in the actual contest. I intended for the explosion just to set creatures on fire, I.E. give the players time to douse the other fireworks, douse themselves, and prevent them from that very situation of taking 10d4 damage for fighting 10 of these things and deciding burning hands was the solution. Good thing to catch in practice. My thought was Oh... I burning hands 10 of these things... well they explode, now I'm on fire, and taking 1d4 damage until I put it out. (yes, I imagine myself as the victim in all my design choices. Helps me stay "humane").

Thank you for feed back on the righting style though. I never thought about that, but that does take away agency from the GM. I was going for an energetic, blunder-some firework ready to explode.

[Kim Frandsen]

And here is my Monster Entry for the season. (Since I can't check on the website here, according to the word count checker that I use, it's at 528 words):

This short, stocky man has a white beard and wears grey woolen clothing with a red hat. A faint scent of stables and animals surround him.
Nisse CR 2
XP 600
NG Tiny fey 
Init +2 SensesLow-light vision,; Perception +9
----- Defense -----
AC14, touch 14, flat-footed 12 (+2 Dex, +2 Size)
hp 18 (4d6+4);
Fort +0, Ref +5, Will +5
Defensive Abilities invisibility; DR 5/cold iron;
----- Offense -----
Speed  20 ft.
Melee dagger -1 (1d2-2)
Special Attacks entomb
Spell-Like Abilities (CL 4th)
Constant – speak with animals
----- Statistics -----
Str 6, Dex 14, Con 12, Int 14, Wis 14, Cha 10
Base Atk +1; CMB -3; CMD 9
Feats Animal Affinity, Skill Focus (Handle Animal)
Skills Handle Animal +15, Heal +14, Knowledge (local) +9, Knowledge (nature) +9, Perception +9, Sense Motive +9, Sleight of Hand +9, Stealth +17,
Languages  Common, Sylvan, Terran; speak with animals
----- Ecology -----
Environment any farm
Organization solitary
Treasure hat of invisibility
----- Special Abilities -----
Hat of invisibility A nisse has possession of a hat of invisibility, which is only usable by the nisse to whom the hat belongs. The hat of invisibility functions as a ring of invisibility
Animal Affinity nisser have a special affinity with domesticated animals, granting it a +8 racial bonus to Handle Animal and Heal checks regarding domesticated animals. Furthermore, a nisse can use wild empathy as a druid, but only in regards to domesticated animals.

Nisser are fey creatures, who have adopted humanoid families who live on farms, and who seek to protect the livestock from predators as well as from the humanoids themselves. They are especially prevalent in the northern regions of Golarion, seemingly having a particular affinity for the superstitious Ulfen.

Generally nisser will assist the humanoids in unseen ways, such as by healing animals, ensuring that plants and animals are kept watered and fed, but should the humanoids purposefully mistreat the animals, then nisser are not above playing practical jokes and tricks on the farmers. Should the families fail to understand the reason for the jokes, the nisser will eventually free the animals, and lead them to better families.
Should the farmer repent his ways, it is customary for them to leave out porridge with cinnamon topping, as nisser find this irresistible. Nisser who are given this treat often will remain remarkably loyal to their families, often helping out (unseen) in animal breeding programs and making sure that only the best plant stock is used for seeds.

It is considered good luck to have a nisse living on your farm in most regions, and even more so to actually see one. However, it is considered bad luck in those regions to have the nisse leave the farm and this has on occasion lead to superstitious farmers leaving their farms behind.

Nisser do not engage socially with each other, and there are no records of having seen females of the species. None the less, the nisser are not disappearing, leading scholars to speculate that female and young nisser must exist, though the few nisser who have been asked about this, have remained silent on the matter.

[Wren Brown]

Hey Everyone,
Here is a monster for the holiday monster challenge. I actually just wrote this a few weeks ago for one of my products - but I thought I would share anyway. The snowball spell-like ability is non-PRD so would need to be changed for rpgss.

Snow Goon

This macabre, animated snowman sports wooden branches for arms and two black coal stones for eyes above a gaping maw filled with icicle teeth.

Snow Goon CR 6

XP 2,400
CE Medium construct (augmented outsider, cold)
Init +5; Senses darkvision 60 ft., low-light vision, snow vision; Perception +6
-----Defense-----
AC 20, touch 11, flat-footed 19 (+1 Dex, +9 natural)
hp 72 (8d10+20)
Fort +2, Ref +3, Will +0
Defensive Abilities amorphous; Immune cold, construct traits
Weaknesses vulnerability to fire
-----Offense-----
Speed 30 ft., snow trek
Melee 2 claws +11 (1d6+3), bite +11 (1d8 plus 1d6 cold and critical freeze)
Special Attacks critical freeze
Spell-Like Abilities (CL 5th; concentration +6)
At will—snowball (DC 12)
-----Statistics-----
Str 16, Dex 13, Con —, Int 14, Wis 7, Cha 12
Base Atk +8; CMB +11; CMD 22
Feats Improved Initiative, Power Attack, Toughness, Vital Strike
Skills Climb +11, Perception +6, Stealth +9, Survival +6
Languages common
SQ freeze
-----Ecology-----
Environment any cold
Organization solitary, pair, or gang (3-12)
Treasure standard
-----Special Abilities-----
Critical Freeze (Su) The bite of a snow goon carries a chilling cold. On a critical hit, the victim must succeed at a DC 15 Fortitude save or become fatigued. A creature that is already fatigued becomes exhausted instead. These conditions last until the creature spends 1 hour warming up in a place where the temperature is above freezing. The save DC is Charisma-based.
Freeze (Ex) A snow goon that uses freeze can take 20 on its Stealth check to hide in plain sight as an inanimate snowman.
Snow Trek (Ex) Snow goons can move through snow and icy terrain without any penalties or hampered movement.
Snow Vision (Ex) A snow goon can see perfectly well in snowy conditions and does not take any penalties on Perception checks due to snow.

Snow goons are humanoid effigies constructed of ice and snow and inhabited by evil spirits from the Realm of Eternal Winter. A snow goon can only be constructed during prolonged periods of intense cold or in an area flooded by energy from the Realm of Eternal Winter such as a polar nexus. In fact, they are often created by accident in such conditions when someone builds a snowman which is then inhabited by the spirit of the snow goon.

Snow goons quickly multiply as they are able to build others of their kind. A single snow goon can construct another within 24 hours. Once there are two or more snow goons, each pair can build another overnight. When a snow goon gang has grown to half a dozen members or more, they will sometimes spend a week to create a snow titan to bolster their ranks.

Construction

A snow goon’s body is constructed of ice and snow with a living snowball as its heart, wooden arms and two pieces of coal for eyes. A carrot for a nose, top hat and scarf are stylish but not necessary.

Snow Goon
CL 7th; Price 20,100 gp;

-----Construction------
Requirements Craft Construct, animate objects, snowball, creator must be caster level 7th; Cost 10,100 gp

So there is the Snow Goon, let me know what you think.

[Anthony Adam]

I need to check the rules, my table use somewhat "special" home rules we like... shared as you might be interested...

Affected by effects that are fire based - unless it specifically states you catch fire, you don't or

- if you are immune to fire you don't, or
- if you have fire resistance, a spell check is made against the fire resistance you have, if the check meets or exceeds your resistance, you catch fire, otherwise you don't.

If you catch fire, you take any initial effect damage per the spell/cause at the time you catch fire but take no additional fire damage until initiative cycles round to the same initiative you caught fire on.

Should you choose to forgo your actions and take a full round drop and roll on your initiative, you can put yourself out unless the fire is magically self sustaining in some way. This allows you a chance to take no damage other then the initial effect damage if you choose to do this. While doing so, you do drop your weapons and finish prone in your current location.

Unless the cause effect states otherwise, fire damage is 1d6 burn per round before resistance etc is factored in. You never take less than 1 point, so being resist 10 and standing in a campfire does actually hurt :p

A creature burns for a number of rounds based on size (more clothes to burn, more hair, etc) when no burn duration is quoted in the cause/effect that ignited you.

Small and smaller 1d4 rounds.
Medium and Large 1d6 rounds.
Larger than Large 1d8 rounds.

Sometimes, I am a kind GM, sometimes... allowing the size duration die to also be the burn die - heh heh - but if I choose to do that, then :

a)- it's stated at the start of a campaign, and
b)- there's more chance of catching fire in that campaign :P

I'm pretty busy with 3PP work right now, so it may be a day or two before I can double check the real rules.

I'll close by sharing one of my design mantras...

"IF I THINK/FEEL/SUSPECT it can be misinterpreted, it will be!".

usually tempered in my review circles along the lines of...

"IF I KNOW it cannot - my pit crew will prove me wrong!"

[Curaigh]

Russ Brown wrote:

Hey Everyone,

Here is a monster for the holiday monster challenge. I actually just wrote this a few weeks ago for one of my products - but I thought I would share anyway. The snowball spell-like ability is non-PRD so would need to be changed for rpgss.

Snow Goon

This macabre, animated snowman sports wooden branches for arms and two black coal stones for eyes above a gaping maw filled with icicle teeth....

You forgot to add 'Mutate' a snow goon can can add snow to itself, granting an extra head (and all around vision), extra arms (and an extra attack) or grow up to one size larger. :)

I very much like the goon. On a late night skim, I dinnae have much to critique, but I will be back to posting more after the New Year is underway. :)
EDIT: late night is no excuse for that many grammar errors :P

[Curaigh]

I have a bit of catching up to do & will so next week. I do want to welcome Kim & dafelshiem to the Blazing 9 now. Welcome. :)

[Wren Brown]

Jarrett Sigler wrote:

I thought when something states: "save or be set on fire for 1d4 points of fire damage" I thought the effect sets you on fire, and being on fire takes 1d4 points of damage until put out.

You are either set on fire or not?

And being set on fire implies that you are taking 1d6 points of damage or a set amount of damage declared by the effect?

From the PRD: Catching on Fire

Catching on fire is a 1d6 of fire damage each round if you don't put it out with a reflex save.

[Wren Brown]

Curaigh wrote:

Russ Brown wrote:

Hey Everyone,

Here is a monster for the holiday monster challenge. I actually just wrote this a few weeks ago for one of my products - but I thought I would share anyway. The snowball spell-like ability is non-PRD so would need to be changed for rpgss.

Snow Goon

This macabre, animated snowman sports wooden branches for arms and two black coal stones for eyes above a gaping maw filled with icicle teeth....

You forgot to add 'Mutate' a snow goon can can add snow to itself, granting an extra head (and all around vision), extra arms (and an extra attack) or grow up to one size larger. :)

I very much like the goon. On a late night skim, I dinnae have much to critique, but I will be back to posting more after the New Year is underway. :)
EDIT: late night is no excuse for that many grammar errors :P

Thanks Curaigh!

My product, Frozen Gardens Winter Special that the Snow Goon is from also contains a huge version called a Snow TItan. :D

[Jarrett Sigler]

Russ Brown wrote:

Jarrett Sigler wrote:

I thought when something states: "save or be set on fire for 1d4 points of fire damage" I thought the effect sets you on fire, and being on fire takes 1d4 points of damage until put out.

You are either set on fire or not?

And being set on fire implies that you are taking 1d6 points of damage or a set amount of damage declared by the effect?

From the PRD: Catching on Fire

Catching on fire is a 1d6 of fire damage each round if you don't put it out with a reflex save.

Both you AND Anthony showed me good.

That power was definitely intended to just set people on fire for slightly lower damage then normal.

However, IN a real competition (and more importantly in a book) I can't explain intent. Which is good. Glorious observation. Which is something I need to work on.

Thank you all for demonstrating a way I can be a stronger designer!

[Jacob W. Michaels]

I think catching on fire is a somewhat lesser known rule. I played with it a bit with my anathema brand, and I think that may have cost me a few votes as people had questions about duration, for example. If I were to use it again, or in a monster, I think I might be a bit more specific about spelling out how it's used (i.e. maybe explicitly reference the catching on fire rules).

It's always a tricky tightrope to walk when using something like that, IMO.

[Jarrett Sigler]

Good note Jacobs. I'll be sure to avoid "Setting on fire" in the future for the competition, but I do believe it's a really good space to play with.

Anyway: Here are my thoughts on everyone's monsters! I REALLY hope they help you!

Prismhood Cobra
Really love the name. That name is catchy, the CR is right, and I love the immune to Dazzle. It's a little thing, but it's a NICE touch.
Hypnotic Pattern is a mean spell at low levels, but it is a great way to catch the PC's off guard. The save DC feels a little high for such a succinct lock-down spell.
Having a familiar that has a once a day Hypnotic Pattern is mean. Like super mean. So I just wanted to bring that up. Not a bad thing, it's the ONE thing this Cobra does, besides small poison, and the ability to heighten spells.
This thing is a really great familiar. It's designed that way, and it fulfills that niche so well.
The only weakness is I don't really see a way that this thing can be wild.
being a Magical beast I suspect it would largely be created then adapt to it's surroundings, but it's feels so Docile for a magical creature. Maybe it's the light theme playing off the snake.

Either way, I say good job, and I can't really find anything wrong with your inherent design, but possibly my interpretation.

Erotes
There was some solid feedback on templating...
But I want to bring up the idea it has a +1 conductive endless ammunition ironwood longbow for a minute.
That's a really powerful magical weapon for a CR 5 encounter. Not saying that doesn't FIT the theme of cupid, becuase you totally nail cupid there.
I'm just wondering if perhaps it could have been like a +1 bow... and the Erotes could have had a magical effect that cast Charm Person or Unatural Lust when it hits someone with the arrow.
I do like the spell selection... really seals the "Cupid" vibe.

besides the long bow, I say good job on the over all monster mechanics.
Do remember, monsters are supposed to have 3 evens and 3 odds stats. Infact most NPC's are supposed to have that. It's a little thing, but it builds.

Nisse
First thing that jumps out at me... you have a special attack: Entomb. But that isn't defined.
This isn't good, and my rudimentary searches ended with a ONe-shot auto kill. Not exactly palpable at CR 2.
But, that isn't quite my larger qualm with this monster. These things have invisibility, AND a hat of Invisibility...
so... it has two sources of invisibility, AND no set duration on it's invisibility?
That bothers me. You say the hat of invisibility acts like the ring, but you don't describe the special quality: and IF the special defense quality is the Hat of Invisibility then it needs to be more described in the power description.

However, beyond that one prickly bit, and Entomb I don't see much else that I personally can improve. Good job!

Snow Goon
I don't know what a Snow Titan is... but if there is 6 snow-goons I know with that constant at-will Snow-ball spell, I'm never going to stand again.
That isn't a bad thing. I know exactly what I'm getting going into this... I'm fighting a giant snow-man... and I'm going to freeze to death. I do question having a snow-man bite... simply because I don't imagine snow-men having mouths... or many constructs for that matter. That's a personal preference however, not an actual fault in design choice. Tying the cold and the critical freeze to the bite, and enveloping someone in the snowy maw of this beast is a GOOD touch. Leaving the stick like claws to there own "claw" like features.

I am digging the ecology section If I had to criticize anything, I think the only thing I really could was the at-will snowball, but the lack of cone of cold...
Cone of Cold is such a CLASSIC ice-spell... I can understand not placing it on a CR 6 encounter though... 5d6 is kind of nasty... but the Players should be expecting Fireballs coming at them at that point, and that is about the same damage. I feel leaving out Cone of Cold was a missed opportunity.

Anywho, I really enjoyed your DOOM-SNOW man. I mean Snow-Goon.

[Wren Brown]

I think there is precedent for changing/making your own variations of the catching on fire rules. IIRC, the alchemist discovery Explosive Bombs has its own variation of the catching on fire rules that are sleightly different than standard (harder to put out the fire). Still I would not recommend making a variant without a really good reason.

[Kim Frandsen]

Crap. Good catch Jarrett. The Entomb was from the monster template I had saved. That wasn't supposed to be in the stat block at all.
I hadn't considered the invisibility hat and separate invisibility spell in that light. Good call, the spell has to go - only the hat was the intent.

[Jarrett Sigler]

Russ Brown wrote:

I think there is precedent for changing/making your own variations of the catching on fire rules. IIRC, the alchemist discovery Explosive Bombs has its own variation of the catching on fire rules that are sleightly different than standard (harder to put out the fire). Still I would not recommend making a variant without a really good reason.

Fair view point: and I don't the a "really really good reason" is, "I didn't do enough research when putting this monster together".

Lesson: Always look over rules your design is going to interact with, even if you ARE confident in how they work. (And in my case, over confident).

[Mikko Kallio]

Jarrett Sigler wrote:

Infact most NPC's are supposed to have that. It's a little thing, but it builds.

That rule only applies to monsters, more specifically, monsters without class levels. NPCs are built with 15, 14, 13, 12, 10, 8, (2 odd, 4 even) and it generally makes sense to put ability score increases to odd ability scores to make them even, so an 8th-level NPC might not have any odd ability scores.

Monsters on the other hand get 11, 11, 11, 10, 10, 10 (+racial modifiers), and they don't get increases for racial HD, so monsters without class levels always have 3 and 3.

[dafelsheim]

I tried to follow the format for Monster entries presented in the SRD. I didn't think about the fact that for Superstar submissions, the templates are a little different! Oops!

- Regarding the bow, I actually spent waaaay too long trying to come up with the “right” mechanics for what I wanted it to do (based on myth in large part.) Let me explain my rationale behind the item's appropriateness – which my not be right after all, but here goes.

- Obviously with below average HP for its HD, average AC, and almost negligible close combat damage potential, obviously I wanted to give the creature survivability via range in combat

- All special things aside, I double-checked to make sure that with the longbow the creature would have CR-appropriate attack and damage. +10 to hit looks to be the right average high attack, and an average damage of 16 is in the range of damage (15 low/20 high.)

- As for Endless Ammunition, I wanted to make sure that the creature wouldn't be left powerless in combat save for spell-like abilities if ammo ran out. And.. Erotes/Cupids had everful quivers, of course. At the same time I didn't want the creature to just be able to summon out of thin air their own bow and arrow/quiver to allow potential opponents a way to disable the Erote by stealing their bow.

- The Conductive quality I intended its use to let the monster land spells with hits of their arrows but also to restrict this – since it requires 2 'daily uses' of an ability instead of one to use it through a Conductive weapon.

… And only now do I realize that I forgot to take into account the requirement that any ability used with a Conductive weapon had to require an attack roll! Oi! I intended to include a Special Ability that basically allowed Erotes to mimic something like the Eldritch Archer's Ranged Spellstrike when using the Conductive Bow, but with spell-like abilities that don't require attack rolls. Basically, as a full round action, Erotes would be able to expend 2 uses of one of their 3/day spell-like abilities to “attach” it to a free ranged attack with the bow. If that arrow landed the target would still get the normal spell's save and even if the arrow DIDN'T land the 2 uses would be expended.

Does that make sense? Rambling!

[Jarrett Sigler]

Mikko Kallio wrote:

Jarrett Sigler wrote:

Infact most NPC's are supposed to have that. It's a little thing, but it builds.

That rule only applies to monsters, more specifically, monsters without class levels. NPCs are built with 15, 14, 13, 12, 10, 8, (2 odd, 4 even) and it generally makes sense to put ability score increases to odd ability scores to make them even, so an 8th-level NPC might not have any odd ability scores.

Monsters on the other hand get 11, 11, 11, 10, 10, 10 (+racial modifiers), and they don't get increases for racial HD, so monsters without class levels always have 3 and 3.

As always Mikko, I still have much to learn. Thank you for pointing out where I was in error. Seriously: I really appreciate the patience you guys have for me. :-)

[dafelsheim]

I'll second Jarrett in thanks for the more experienced players helping us learn here!

[Mikko Kallio]

Kim Frandsen wrote:

And here is my Monster Entry for the season. (Since I can't check on the website here, according to the word count checker that I use, it's at 528 words):

This short, stocky man has a white beard and wears grey woolen clothing with a red hat. A faint scent of stables and animals surround him.
Nisse CR 2
...

I noticed that your entry has a lot of small typos: a semicolon missing after Init +2, a space missing between Senses and low-light vision, low-light vision capitalized, a trailing comma after low-light vision... that's four typos / formatting mistakes on one line! The list goes on: more trailing commas and semicolons, etc.

My advice is to make your entries tidy even when you're just practicing in Blazing 9. You'll thank yourself for picking up that habit when you're in top 32 again or writing for Paizo or 3PPs. People who always think that they'll clean up their writing "later" probably never get around to actually doing that.

Special abilities should be listed in the alphabetical order.

I strongly recommend against using irregular plural forms like "nisser" (selv om jeg forstår årsagen til det).

For RPGSS, I'd recommend more unique abilities than invisibility and a +x bonus, though for a nisse these abilities are definitely thematically appropriate, of course.

I hope that helps!

[Mikko Kallio]

Jarrett Sigler wrote:

As always Mikko, I still have much to learn. Thank you for pointing out where I was in error. Seriously: I really appreciate the patience you guys have for me. :-)

No problem Jarrett, learning is precisely what this thread is intended for. :-) And you were right about the more pertinent* part, i.e. monsters.

* More relevant in the context of RPGSS; I've been designing and developing a cartload of NPCs for 3PP and Paizo products this year, so knowing your NPC-fu is definitely also useful. :-)