Blazing 9!

[Mikko Kallio]

Jeff Hazuka wrote:

Mikko Kallio wrote:

Monster Name CR x
AL Size type (subtypes)
[Description, max. 100 words]

Sillicis CR 7

LE Medium Undead

This undead soldier has removed the weapon that slew him, and wields it with singleminded vengeance.

A sillicis (pl. sillices) is created when a soldier is left to die with a weapon lodged inside. Upon rising, their first act is to remove the weapon that slew them- -the wound they received never heals. Powerful melee combatants, sillices remember the way they were slain originally, gaining Weapon Focus and Weapon Specialization in whichever weapon was used to slay them.

Inspiration

I like the concept very much, that's a very interesting bit of backstory right there. However, I see a few major problems. The players probably won't be able to figure out the coolest part of the monster, i.e. the backstory. A wound may not be enough unless it actually begins the encounter with the weapon still in the wound. Which works well with some weapons. More importantly, this undead has nothing interesting to it in terms of mechanics! It's just a melee undead with +1 to hit, +2 to damage...

An ability that gives you +X on a roll is not creative design.(The same applies to magic items, feats, spells, and other rules elements, by the way.)

Publish: Maybe, needs more substance
RPGSS: As a concept yes but needs wayyyyy more in terms of mechanics, so it's a no.

[Mikko Kallio]

And btw, I'm still in Seattle (Paizocon), so I haven't been able to post review them quite as quickly as I hoped. Sorry about that!

[Mikko Kallio]

Petty Alchemy wrote:

Mikko Kallio wrote:

Post a monster pitch! Or two. Or three. Use the following format:

template wrote:

Monster Name CR x

AL Size type (subtypes)
[Description, max. 100 words]

Rot-Arm CR 4

NE M undead (augmented humanoid)
Rot-Arms are mortals corrupted by necromancy while still alive, usually for having too much contact with undead. Tormented by the blight in their blackened arms spreading inwards, a Rot-Arm only feels relief when touching something living to channel the rot outwards. They are often easily tracked as they tend keep a hand on the grass wherever they go, withering it. If a Rot-Arm can conceal his arms, odor, and pain it can pass for the living. If it survives long enough to be fully consumed by rot, it either falls apart, or becomes a monster more terrible.

Whoops, I accidentally skipped this one. Ok, let's have a look.

Don't abbreviate Medium --not a huge mistake since this is a pitch, but it might become a habit and before you realize it, you're using it in actual stat blocks. I'm struggling to picture a human-shaped creature being able to touch the ground with a hand while it moves. That's an interesting weakness, though, and players might have fun trying to guess what creature they're trying to track.

Unfortunately, much like the sillicis, it doesn't seem to have any interesting abilities, other than the weakness. The last sentence hints at it becoming something worse, but as a pit crew member or publisher I'd need more details.

So my verdict is the same as for the sillicis, it's a cool concept but you'd have to think a bit about the actual mechanics you want to use. With the right tweaks it might turn into a superstar monster.

By the way, about the sillicis: When you say it aloud, it sounds like "silly sis". That's something you'll want to avoid.

[Jeff Hazuka]

Quote:

By the way, about the sillicis: When you say it aloud, it sounds like "silly sis". That's something you'll want to avoid.

I guess I just always pronounced it rhyming with syphilis...

So, is there a trick to turning a neat broad idea (a fighter-type undead) into something superlative?

[Jacob W. Michaels]

IMO, the key is coming up with a cool power. Of course, you could argue that's the "trick," just as it is with Round 1 Superstar items. How do you differentiate a Superstar magic sword from a regular sword?

Generally, you want to play with the key concept, which in this case is the weapon embedded in the monster. Maybe it can absorb a weapon that hits it (perhaps gaining more power from it?) -- or is immune to whatever type of weapon killed it (or has DR for everything BUT that type of weapon). I might look at a sneak attack, similar to a catydid column, where it whips the weapon out of its body and gets a bonus to start combat. The last probably isn't Superstar -- since it's basically copying another monster's power -- but could be a decent tertiary ability.

I think Mikko brings up a decent point about the backstory (though on the other hand, I think the same could be said for a ghost, vampire, and maybe even mummies or banshees) so maybe it has some "psychic" attack on which it inflicts its death on unsuspecting victims -- they see themselves being impaled with the weapon...

[Curaigh]

I agree with Jacob, it can't quite be taught. I am not sure I can even detect mojo when I see it, let alone create it. However the stuff that I was inspired to tweak about your critter might be a start.

If it can be taught, Mikko did a really good job of it. Check out his Magic Item Advice on his blog last December. The sword he built as an example in that series of three articles helped me a lot, probably because he improved the item over the course of the three installments. :)

[Curaigh]

Since this thread is all about practice, critique and rewriting, I usually start it out with a rewrite of my RPGSS item after reading the CMI thread. So with only 7 months until RPGSS here is my second submission for the Blazing 9. :)

Shillelagh of Legions
Aura strong conjuration and transmutation; CL 12th
Slot none; Price 82,000 gp; Weight 5 pounds

Five electrum wires bind black flames between two caps of oak and mistletoe to form a crooked staff. Wisps of astral energy occasionally escape releasing a burnt-citrus smell. An extra-dimensional rift hovers like a halo over creatures summoned with the shillelagh of legions bonding them to the staff and each other. These bonded creatures (including the wielder) coordinate through the rifts to act together as a legion.

This staff allows use of the following spells:

• Animal aspect (1 charge)
  
• Blink (1 charge)
  
• Mirror image (1 charge)
  
• Summon monster VI (2 charges)

Each legion creature gains a +1 bonus to attacks for every legion creature threatening the same target (maximum +4). The rifts flare with astral energy each round two or more legion creatures successfully hit the same target and briefly shunt a part of the target. This deals an additional 1d6 points of damage per hit.

The wielder may cast spells with a target of “personal” on a legion creature instead of himself even if the spell would not normally work on the creature’s type. He must remain within 40 feet of the legion creature, and keep the shillelagh in hand. Unless these spells are cast from the staff, this drains one charge.

A legion creature’s strikes can deliver the wielder’s touch spells. The wielder casts the spell as normal, reaching through the rift and draining one charge of the staff. The creature makes a single melee attack and if successful the attack deals its normal damage as well as the effect of the spell.

Construction
Requirements Craft Staff, Outflank, animal aspect, blink, mirror image, summon monster VI, summon monster VII; Cost 41,000 gp

I am surprised that mystic theurges do not create staffs as often as I see them played. I am surprised by the folks who thought a second caster class was unreasonable considering how often I see level dipping. But alas, I dropped the druid and focused on wizard. I kept shillelagh in the name though, even if it lends itself more to druids. :) Oddly in trying to clarify the flavor, I felt it lost some.

[Isaac Volynskiy]

Good feedback, thanks. I should've included some deeper thoughts on their mechanics for combat for it to be complete as a pitch.

[Jarrett Sigler]

Curaigh wrote:

Shillelagh of Legions:

Shillelagh of Legions
Aura strong conjuration and transmutation; CL 12th
Slot none; Price 82,000 gp; Weight 5 pounds

Five electrum wires bind black flames between two caps of oak and mistletoe to form a crooked staff. Wisps of astral energy occasionally escape releasing a burnt-citrus smell. An extra-dimensional rift hovers like a halo over creatures summoned with the shillelagh of legions bonding them to the staff and each other. These bonded creatures (including the wielder) coordinate through the rifts to act together as a legion.

This staff allows use of the following spells:

• Animal aspect (1 charge)
  
• Blink (1 charge)
  
• Mirror image (1 charge)
  
• Summon monster VI (2 charges)

Each legion creature gains a +1 bonus to attacks for every legion creature threatening the same target (maximum +4). The rifts flare with astral energy each round two or more legion creatures successfully hit the same target and briefly shunt a part of the target. This deals an additional 1d6 points of damage per hit.

The wielder may cast spells with a target of “personal” on a legion creature instead of himself even if the spell would not normally work on the creature’s type. He must remain within 40 feet of the legion creature, and keep the shillelagh in hand. Unless these spells are cast from the staff, this drains one charge.

A legion creature’s strikes can deliver the wielder’s touch spells. The wielder casts the spell as normal, reaching through the rift and draining one charge of the staff. The creature makes a single melee attack and if successful the attack deals its normal damage as well as the effect of the spell.

Construction
Requirements...

[Isaac Volynskiy]

Sillicis Review:

Name made me think of Sicily. It's a fine concept, however, what makes them CR 7? They sound like revenants, but it's not clear how intelligent they are. I think they have some cool story elements, but either expand on the threat they pose besides swinging a sword, or shift to CR 2-3.

[Curaigh]

Thanks Tothric, you are qualified as Dedicated voter :)

[Mikko Kallio]

CripDyke wrote:

Torregiani, Brick CR 5

NE Large construct

These legless statues depict common men-at-arms at an uncommon scale using the same bricks used to construct the tower to which they bond.

Torregiani are eternally vigilant guards made part of a raised defense — typically a round tower, though sometimes a wall — from which they watch. Though they cannot break contact with this structure, they burrow through it as if by earth glide. Upon detecting an enemy, a torregian typically sounds an alarm, then lights a warning beacon before either attacking with rooftop siege engines or hiding within a wall to attack later with surprise.

I'm not sure I like / get the name. Torregiani, as far as I know, is just an Italian last name. Torre is a tower, so maybe it makes sense somehow. It's a brick torregiani, which suggests that there are different types of torregianis. While I think a tower construct is a cool idea, I don't think the game needs a whole family of these creatures.

It's exceedingly rare for a construct to be non-neutral. Non-intelligent constructs should never have a non-neutral alignment, and even intelligent constructs are generally neutral, so I think this one should also be. I think it should probably be Huge to make it more towering, ha!

I don't like the earth glide ability as it maybe goes a bit beyond what constructs are generally capable of. I also don't like the restriction that it must stay in contact with a structure because it limits its utility, but I do like the alarms & beacons, and I absolutely love the idea that it can use siege weapons! Personally, I would probably prefer that the creature were a huge tower (rather than a statue) when at rest (maybe give it the freeze UMR so it can basically hide in plain sight?), but its base turns into legs and its crenellated parapets turn into arms when it moves.

Publish: Yes, with a few tweaks.
RPGSS: Needs a bit of work, but very possibly, yes.

[Jarrett Sigler]

So, I have a silly question:

Has anyone attempted to take an item seen in popular media (In my case it's primarily books and video games, and other board games/table-top games) and attempted to "Build" them in Pathfinder.

I know it seems amateur. I was wondering if I was the only one who does exorcises like this?
Is anyone interested in pooling items to convert into pathfinder, and seeing how each person builds it?

–

Item Tax: I cannot guarantee this item is original. The goal is to make my template better, improve my grammar and writing style.

Black-Jack of Subjugation:

Black-jack of Subjugation
Aura x; CL x th
Slot none; Price 72,305 gp; Weight 2 lbs.

This +2 axiomatic sap is scribbled on the various laws of many lands the world over, and hefts as if weighed with the violations of the world.

When wielded against a creature that is lawful or neutral, the target must make a will save and the DC is equal to 10 + the non-lethal damage dealt. If the target fails the will save, the target may not perform one of the following actions for a single round: Move, Attack or Cast.

When wielded against a chaotic creature, the corrections are much more severe: The will save is 15 + the damage dealt. Failing the save prevents the target from moving, attacking or casting spells for a single round.

Construction Craft Magical Arms and Armor, detect chaos, forbid action, order's wrath, creator must be lawful; Cost 36,151 gp

[Jacob W. Michaels]

I actually think that's a great way to practice, Tothric. I found a show like Warehouse 13 was a great way to get some inspiration and practice without having to "use up" ideas that could otherwise be published.

Similarly, when I was working on monsters, I practiced in part with some creatures I'd found in books: the greatshells from Brandon Sanderson's "Art of War," the cheshire cat (which actually I should really finish some day, since I think that's technically no longer covered by copyright), and even the grinch (which I did as a goblinoid).

--

I think blackjack should probably be one word, not hyphenated.

Your aura and CL are blank.

Your first sentence is awkward. I assume you mean the various laws are scribbled on the sap, but it's backward. Also you indicate it's heavier than typical, but it's got the same weight as a mundane sap. Finally, I'd try to avoid using "is" as your verb. Sometimes you can't help it, but I really try hard, since it's just not that exciting a verb.

Will should be uppercase when referring to a saving throw. Similarly, Move, Attack and Cast shouldn't be uppercase. Also, that's not really how Paizo would phrase it. It sounds like you're basically limiting them to a standard action (which would let them choose to either move, attack or cast), so that's how I'd phrase it. It's important to try to emulate Paizo's way of writing, so in this case, maybe:

The target must succeed at a Will save (DC 10+non-lethal damage dealt) or may take only a standard action for 1 round.

Then I'd follow that with:

A chaotic creature must succeed at a Will save equal to 15+the damage dealt or can take no actions for 1 round. (I'm not 100 percent clear if you mean for the creature to be stunned or not, but that may be an easy way to use rules more; otherwise I'd perhaps include a line saying the character can still defend itself and does not lose its Dexterity bonus to AC).

I can't tell but it looks like you may have your commas italicized. Each spell should be italicized individually, not as a block.

Finally, I think your pricing is probably off. The 305 gp in the price is likely not halved in the cost, as that's for the base item, which is the same in both -- it's just the cost of the magic that's halved.

[Jarrett Sigler]

Jacob's:

Jacob W. Michaels wrote:

I actually think that's a great way to practice, Tothric. I found a show like Warehouse 13 was a great way to get some inspiration and practice without having to "use up" ideas that could otherwise be published.

Similarly, when I was working on monsters, I practiced in part with some creatures I'd found in books: the greatshells from Brandon Sanderson's "Art of War," the cheshire cat (which actually I should really finish some day, since I think that's technically no longer covered by copyright), and even the grinch (which I did as a goblinoid).

--

I think blackjack should probably be one word, not hyphenated.

Your aura and CL are blank.

Your first sentence is awkward. I assume you mean the various laws are scribbled on the sap, but it's backward. Also you indicate it's heavier than typical, but it's got the same weight as a mundane sap. Finally, I'd try to avoid using "is" as your verb. Sometimes you can't help it, but I really try hard, since it's just not that exciting a verb.

Will should be uppercase when referring to a saving throw. Similarly, Move, Attack and Cast shouldn't be uppercase. Also, that's not really how Paizo would phrase it. It sounds like you're basically limiting them to a standard action (which would let them choose to either move, attack or cast), so that's how I'd phrase it. It's important to try to emulate Paizo's way of writing, so in this case, maybe:

The target must succeed at a Will save (DC 10+non-lethal damage dealt) or may take only a standard action for 1 round.

Then I'd follow that with:

A chaotic creature must succeed at a Will save equal to 15+the damage dealt or can take no actions for 1 round. (I'm not 100 percent clear if you mean for the creature to be stunned or not, but that may be an easy way to use rules more; otherwise I'd perhaps include a line saying the character can still defend itself and does not lose its Dexterity bonus to AC).

I can't tell but it looks like you may have your commas italicized. Each spell should be italicized...

I was actually trying to duplicate the effects of the forbid action.

I wouldn't normally attempt to justify/defend my item: however, I felt that indication MAY have been necessary to understand what I was trying to emulate.

More to your points: You are more correct Jacobs, that simplifying the effect would probably lead to a stronger Contender. It Takes up less word count, and so on.

By the by, I love the forbid Action spell. Does not have enough Love.

[Jacob W. Michaels]

Interesting. I'm not sure I was even aware of it, but it's not bad.

I think that's definitely something to be aware of, though. Not everyone will always know what you're thinking -- I'll admit I didn't look up the spells you were using, which I imagine doesn't happen very often in Superstar voting. If you're using something from a book that may not be as well known, you may need to call it out a little more to make sure people know what you're doing. It can be a catch-22, though, since some people might think it's redundant, so it's a fine line to walk.

[Jarrett Sigler]

More importantly Jacobs: You taught me something about emulating spells, and wording.

Carefully Emulating spells is very cagey territory. Get to close, feels like a spell in a can. Far enough away, and NOBODY understands the intention you were going for.

It's something to keep in mind for the future. Thank you! :-D

[Wren Brown]

@Tothric:

Re: Black-Jack of Subjugation
In addition to Jacob's excellent feedback.

1. "Wielded against" is awkward. By my reading you are forcing a save even on a miss, which I don't think is intended. At least I hope not, because that would be over powered. You should probably specify this effect takes place when a victim is struck by the blackjack.

2. If you want the victim to be subject to forbid action, it is okay to just say they are affected by forbid action as determined by the wielder of the blackjack, unless they make the save.

[Curaigh]

Tothric wrote:

So, I have a silly question:

Has anyone attempted to take an item seen in popular media (In my case it's primarily books and video games, and other board games/table-top games) and attempted to "Build" them in Pathfinder.

Indeed I often do, and Top 32 items in the past have borrowed from pop culture. As Jacob said, it is great practice. As far as potential entries or publishing, you need to be careful to go leave it at inspiration only. This too takes practice, so go for it here. :)

Blackjack of Subjugation

Jacob caught all the formatting issues I saw (& Russ caught the save on a miss).

• Scribbled is a good action word, and not one I associate with the weapons so it is a good choice for piquing my interest. Making 'scribbled' instead of 'is' as the verb of the sentence makes its voice more active. (same applies to most of the sentences)
  
• the price is almost double a +4 (equivelant weapon) and closer to a +6 weapon. I am not sure the cool abilities warrant that much increase, but again a CL would help.
  
• Saves are usually based on caster level. I like that the damage affects the save, but I think the Will save becomes near impossible to pass for a chaotic creature. (Especially if the traditional use of a sap means sneak attack dice.) Axiomatic means an additional 2d6 damage making the save 20 minimum with it climbing into the high 30's depending on Strength/power attack/sneak attack/crit/etc.. Since there is no limit to the number of uses, you can effectively lock a chaotic character down, so this save needs some play testing.
  

Knocking someone senseless is what a sap is about. I like where this is giong, so it would get some upvotes.
Nice job, keep them coming :)

[Jarrett Sigler]

Russ Brown, thank you for the feedback. Wielded against will be avoided in the future.

Curaigh, Thank you for your feedback.

Your all helping me improve. Thank you! So very much! :-)

[Mikko Kallio]

CripDyke wrote:

Elot CR 3

N Fine vermin

Other midges annoy, but the swarming elot midge sparks true fear as the air around the swarm brightens from the dull green-brown of the midges' carapaces to bright crimson as a swarm tears through the skin of its prey.

An individual elot harmlessly bites skin at the base of victims' hairs, while a dozen or two might annoy locals or even damage victims' skin enough to itch. As a flying swarm, however, the elot tears its way into the inner ear, attacking normally protected follicles and progressively damaging hearing then sense of balance then even the brain.

The text in italics wouldn't be usable as read-aloud text (it should be observable facts without assumptions made on the context in which it's encountered), though I'm not sure if it was intended as such.

The elot sounds like a really nasty surprise--players are afraid of swarms and one that can harm the PCs in an unexpected way is even scarier. However, the mechanics for the head invasion may be difficult to pull off, but I'd need more details on that. It seems a bit one-dimensional as a monster, I'd recommend including a few more interesting facts about it.

[Mikko Kallio]

CaelibDarkstone wrote:

Derroling CR 2

AL N Small aberration

Torn skin barely fills the bat-like wings of the creature before you. Its skin is pocked, and a path of slime trails behind it.

A derroling can belch acid and successful physical attacks against it release a cloud of disease from the bursting bulges in its skin. The first derrolings resulted from failed derro attempts to turn bats into personal flying guardians. Derrolings retain the blindsense of their bat counterparts but lack the power of flight.

If the text in italics is intended to be used as read-aloud text, you shouldn't refer to "you". The descriptive line should be usable in just about any context, regardless where and how it's encountered.

Derroling as a name links this creature to derros, but it doesn't sound like a batlike creature to me, sounds more like a creature descended from derros. There are a few other creatures with names ending with -ling, such as the quickling, halfling, and tiefling. I'd probably try to link the name more closely to what the creature is, not who made it. Maybe chiroling? (From chiroptera)

It has a nice variety of abilities (acid, disease), however it sounds as though they're abilities that have been done before (an acid breath weapon and diseased pustules). For RPGSS, it's good to include unique abilities that show how you can handle mechanics.

Publish: Yes, with minor tweaks.
RGPSS: Would have been very appropriate for this year's monster round. Mechanically, though, it would have needed a bit more.

[Mikko Kallio]

Anthony Adam wrote:

Whispering Insanity CR 2

N Fine fey

A sparkling dust mote drifts in the eddies and swirls of the cooling breeze, radiating a barely audible babbling.

Hidden amongst the motes and dust particles that glitter in streams of sunlight that penetrate wooded canopies and fill secret glades, this capricious mote lies in wait for creatures to sleep. It gently drifts down to a sleeping creature, settling into their ears to feed from the electrical impulses of a living brain. While its target sleeps, it constantly whispers and babbles to their subconscious thoughts, like a poorly remembered dream, thus preventing restful sleep and gradually wearing away the sleepers sanity to increase the brains electrical activity.

This may just be one of my pet peeves, but I'd advise against using the name of an abstract concept to describe a monster. (Though admittedly, the name describes it very well.) Whispering insanity sounds more like an affliction. Actually, considering that it doesn't fight the PCs, it just causes insanity, I'm not convinced it needs a monster stat block. It sounds as though it can't do much except when the PCs are sleeping, making it quite one-dimensional as a monster and hard to use in an encounter unless it's a very specific type of encounter (one where the PCs can do little or nothing).

Publish: I'd make it an affliction or hazard. A haunt, a disease, or something like that.
RPGSS: No, unfortunately. Be wary of choosing a monster that can challenge the PCs in only one way, especially if it cannot be used in a combat or roleplaying encounter.

[Jarrett Sigler]

Mikko,
Thank you for your time and your judgment of those pitches. It's pretty awesome the attention you put into these. I just wanted to say that.

[Mikko Kallio]

Tothric wrote:

Mikko,

Thank you for your time and your judgment of those pitches. It's pretty awesome the attention you put into these. I just wanted to say that.

You're welcome!

Reviewing other people's monsters is the second best way to learn to monster design, so thanks to everyone who submitted a pitch! I'll be running Here Be Monsters II in August, so if you want to put your monster design skills to the test, consider submitting something.

I just got a brilliant idea for a series of articles to publish on my blog. If only I had the time to write them. :-P

[Curaigh]

Timitius wrote:

UPDATE:

35 Submissions so far....and 15 days to go!

Adventures - 2 in development
Advice - 1
Bestiary - 9
Class - 8
Crunch - 3
Crunch-Magic Items - 0
Fiction - 7
Fluff/flavor - 4
Poetry - 2
Side Trek Seeds - 1
Weal or Woe - 0

So, more side trek seeds, Weal or Woe articles, more flavor articles (including Gazetteer articles on places!) to even things out. And magic items....definitely more of those.

I'd like to see this number of submissions at least double by month's end. ;-)

Down to 10 days or so now. Magic items are an exception to the 750 word count article so go for it. I know you are good enough, let us help :)

Your next challenge, should you accept it, is to post a magic item specifically for a monster to use. I will submit them as an article or you can submit yours individually after we have had a pass through them.

[Curaigh]

Trovefinder
Aura moderate abjuration and conjuration; CL 10th
Slot none; Price 40,355 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
The heavy red blade of this big sword flashes like flame and looks like an unfurled dragon’s wing. Four fiery gems run the width of blade’s base, with an empty slot where fifth gem should fit.

Violet and red flames shroud the wielder of this +1 dragon bane bastard sword when suffers fire damage from most magical sources. She takes only half-damage from fire-based attacks for one round for each die in the fire’s source. This effect only works once a day.

A successful Appraisal skill check (DC 20) identifies the shape, size and approximate value of the missing gemstone. Once per day, holding the sword out causes it to point to the nearest gemstone matching those qualities up to three miles away.

Any dragon within one mile of the Trovefinder receives a silent mental “ping” of the sword’s presence. This alarm can wake a sleeping dragon, and continues every minute as long as the sword remains within range. When the wielder suffers any energy damage from a dragon’s breath weapon the magical flames enveloping her reverse. She instead adds half as much again (+50%) energy damage as if she has vulnerability to that energy.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, alarm, fire shield, locate object, summon monster I; Cost 20,335 gp

the story:

I have a short story outlined where a desperate man sells this sword for some gold. Some happy adventurer buys the sword, tracks the missing gem to a dragon's hoard, battle ensues. The dragon's hoard thusly increases by a healthy wealth-by-level amount. (And he of course sells the sword in the guise of a desperate man for some gold). Debatable if the story also gets submitted to Wayfinder right now.

[Jarrett Sigler]

I got an item in the same "Vein" as Curaigh. It's an item INTENDED to be used by a monster, specifically giants!

That was what was asked for by the Wayfinder folks: Here I go!

Rib Crusher War Club
Aura moderate evocation and necromancy; CL 7th
Slot —; Price 32,305 gp; Weight 65 lbs.

Description
This heavy large oaken pole is permanently stained in the blood of the fallen, it is covered in chips of bone from the many it has slain this oaken club reeks of cruelty, anger, and violence.

This Large +2 greatclub imbeds a bone shard into it's victims; which begins to dig into the victim dealing 2d6 of bleed damage points until a DC 15 heal check to pull the bone shard out. As the bone shard remains in the victim, it’s constant digging and stirring inside causes the victim to continue to bleed regardless of fast healing or magical healing.

Each Rib Crusher War Club has 3 bone shards a day that can be expended. The process to restore a bone shard early is possible, and requires the immense strength of a giant to perform. A giant that uses this club to slay a humanoid recharges a single bone shard in the club, as the violent act of smashing the victim imbeds it's bones into the club.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magical Arms and Armor, corpse hammer, desecrate, touch of bloodletting, creator must be a giant; Cost 18,152 gp

[Jeffrey Swank]

I was going to try a set of collars for Wayfinder...here is one idea.

Collar of Speaking
Aura moderate divination and transmutation; CL 7th
Slot neck; Price 10,400 gp; Weight —
Description
This leather strap has a simple buckle of silver and a small metal tuning fork at its front. Once in place, it allows any creature to gain the ability to vocalize and speak with clarity. This item allows the creature then gains Common language and can choose a number of bonus languages based on its Intelligence modifier. Once the bonus languages are selected they may not be changed, even if the collar were to be removed and replaced. If the creature has a penalty to its Intelligence modifier, it can still read and speak Common language unless its Intelligence is lower than 3.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, comprehend languages, polymorph; Cost 5,200 gp

[Anthony Adam]

Must get around to posting some non wondrous items for practice - gah - so busy, so very busy. I will try and catch up with the forums soon.

[Jarrett Sigler]

Collar of Speaking:

Jeffrey Swank wrote:

I was going to try a set of collars for Wayfinder...here is one idea.

Collar of Speaking
Aura moderate divination and transmutation; CL 7th
Slot neck; Price 10,400 gp; Weight —
Description
This leather strap has a simple buckle of silver and a small metal tuning fork at its front. Once in place, it allows any creature to gain the ability to vocalize and speak with clarity. This item allows the creature then gains Common language and can choose a number of bonus languages based on its Intelligence modifier. Once the bonus languages are selected they may not be changed, even if the collar were to be removed and replaced. If the creature has a penalty to its Intelligence modifier, it can still read and speak Common language unless its Intelligence is lower than 3.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, comprehend languages, polymorph; Cost 5,200 gp

There are MANY monstrous races that can't speak common, but understand common due to intelligence, but lack of physical capacity.

This would be a very good item for them to have, given the prevalence of Common speaking humanoids that tend to invade the habitat that they have.

My critique is this: I wouldn't Grant the Common language to the wearer... I would just Grant the ability to communicate in Common.
My reasoning: The monstrous civilizations are "monstrous" because they are so "different" from humanoids. A good number of them ALREADY know common, but lack the throat structure, a mouth, or some other means to communicate with humanoids. This generate the class between them, the humanoids and the 'monsters'.

The cost seems good to me. Solid selection of magical item slot. I thought Polymorph was a higher level spell, but, I'm not going to nitpick something that is a gut reaction.

Over All: Solid item. For RPG superstar, Something I would vote for, if the other item wasn't has interesting.

Ending thoughts: This gives some thought into campaigns that really explore the difference between a Monster and a Man.

[Curaigh]

Tothric wrote:

I got an item in the same "Vein" as Curaigh. It's an item INTENDED to be used by a monster, specifically giants!

That was what was asked for by the Wayfinder folks: Here I go!

Rib Crusher War Club

• switch 'blood of the fallen' as the subject of the sentence. You get to use 'stained' as the verb which is much stronger than 'is'. You can repeat this process throughout the item.
  
• the first line of para 2 is a run on. Break it into two (or more). I think you should clarify bleed (the ability) is not affected by fast or magical healing. As is, it looks a little bit like fluff.
  
• 'immense strength of giant' is achievable by non-giants. I don't think this limits the recharge to giants only (but I also think that is OK). hmmm... is greatcclub a two handed weapon already? if so someone has to be large to wield this and you might already have limited it to giants (enlarge person withstanding). 'Slay' might be too easy. If someone is fighting with these it stands to reason they will eventually slay their target (natural twenty? three rounds pounding the corpse? slay a target within three rounds of gaining bone chip's bleed? )

I like a 'bleed' that requires something before magical healing works. That this is a giant-type of item works as well. I'm reminded of the trolls wanting to squish the dwarves into jelly. :)

[Curaigh]

Jeffrey Swank wrote:

I was going to try a set of collars for Wayfinder...here is one idea.

Collar of Speaking

• You have an extra word in the Sentence 3
  
• Once selected, the languages may... (removes the need for pronoun.)
  
• Common is fine, I might make the bonus languages specific to the collar (similar to circlet's skill: chosen at time of creation) It will be less complicated in the long run. You can base the number of based on the int of the crafter. You could also add a bonus to Sense Motive' or Bluff to send/receive a secret message.

If able to speak, can they now cast spells? (non-somatic of course). I hope so. In an 'anything goes' campaign I made a griffon, and then had to create an intelligent item so it could speak to the rest of the party. Intelligent items provide some guidelines for examples. All in all I like this for its simplicity, and am curious about other collars you create. Nice work. :)

[Jeffrey Swank]

Thanks for the feedback!

[Curaigh]

A little rough, but let me know what you think, :)

Gem Master Mining Tool, Pick
Aura strong conjuration; CL 10th
Slot none; Price 60,000 gp; Weight 10 lbs.
Description
Scratches, burrs, and a single rune make these well-worn mining tools. These tools treat miners as one size bigger allowing them to increase their production of precious metals and gems. Profession (miner) skill checks double their results for the next three checks. If using the kingdom building system (Ultimate Campaign), Increase the Economy and BP earned per by 1 for up to three turns for any mining operation. Purchasing gem master mining tools for a kingdom’s use is essentially like other kingdom expenditures and does not increase Unrest or decrease Loyalty.

After three turns, the increased ore removal does not go to the user. Instead it is stored in an extra-dimensional space linked to the tool (and is sometimes called a pilfering pick.) Unless the user makes a Spellcraft check after the three rounds or the original check exceeds DC 35, this pilfering ability is not discovered. Each tool has a corresponding rune within 10,000 miles of the tool. Creating this rune requires the tool to mark a natural stone wall. Speaking a command word while touching the rune causes all the stored precious metals to spill out of the rune over the course of 1d4 rounds.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Skill Focus (profession), lead blades, secret chest, teleport, Cost 30,000 gp

[Jarrett Sigler]

Curaigh wrote:

Gem Master Mining Tool:

A little rough, but let me know what you think, :)

Gem Master Mining Tool, Pick
Aura strong conjuration; CL 10th
Slot none; Price 60,000 gp; Weight 10 lbs.
Description
Scratches, burrs, and a single rune make these well-worn mining tools. These tools treat miners as one size bigger allowing them to increase their production of precious metals and gems. Profession (miner) skill checks double their results for the next three checks. If using the kingdom building system (Ultimate Campaign), Increase the Economy and BP earned per by 1 for up to three turns for any mining operation. Purchasing gem master mining tools for a kingdom’s use is essentially like other kingdom expenditures and does not increase Unrest or decrease Loyalty.

After three turns, the increased ore removal does not go to the user. Instead it is stored in an extra-dimensional space linked to the tool (and is sometimes called a pilfering pick.) Unless the user makes a Spellcraft check after the three rounds or the original check exceeds DC 35, this pilfering ability is not discovered. Each tool has a corresponding rune within 10,000 miles of the tool. Creating this rune requires the tool to mark a natural stone wall. Speaking a command word while touching the rune causes all the stored precious metals to spill out of the rune over the course of 1d4 rounds.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Skill Focus (profession), lead blades, secret chest, teleport, Cost 30,000 gp

[Curaigh]

April seems like a while ago, but we are now in July, and before you know it December will be here. If you were to right one item a month for the nine (read: 8) months you should have four entries now.

Take a moment to congratulate yourself on sticking with it when the hoopla has disappeared.

Now quite taking a moment to pat yourself on the back and get to tapping on the keyboard! I'll even give you a push.

The Pym Challenge!
Dr. Frank Pym has mastered the science of shrinking and growing. Fortunately we have 'magic' so build an item that uses size in an interesting way. Your deadline is the 17th, after finishing you can go watch the movie and enjoy. I will critique of course, and rank them in terms of RPG SS. :)

[Curaigh]

Tothric wrote:

Curaigh wrote:

** spoiler omitted **

I like this item! however, I'm a LITTLE confused. The Pick increase productivity for a kingdom, BUT, it also allows the user to skim off the top? It seems like it's a money laundering Tool. Which I LIKE: But I'm confused as to why a kingdom would invest in one of these.

Normally I advocate the rewrite as a means to answer questions, after all a professional designer doesn't get to sit at every table and explain the rules he or she created to questioning GMs. However, this rewrite went to Wayfinder, so I will just explain that this item (like the previous one) is intended to increase a dragon's hoard. Dragons place these items in miners hands to syphon from the take. Your questions are valid however and I hope the rewrite answers the questions in my actual submission to Wayfinder. :)

[Jacob W. Michaels]

That's HANK Pym, sir.

[Curaigh]

The autocorrect in my head, a grass seeds your knowledge is greater, and beg your four live mess gentle sir. ;)

[Isaac Volynskiy]

Gorging Blade
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 10th
Slot none; Price 39,350 gp; Weight 8 lbs.

Description
This +3 shrinking greatsword’s serrated blade becomes slick with saliva when free of a scabbard.

The wielder may speak the shrinking command word as an immediate action upon successfully striking a creature or object. If the gorging blade returns to its original state, the struck creature or object must make a DC 20 Fortitude save or shrink (as the spell reduce person if a creature or shrink item if an object).

If the wielder gives the command word to shrink the gorging blade, any creature or item shrunk by the gorging blade immediately returns to its original size.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, reduce person, shrink item; Cost 19,850 gp

Shrinking is a thing.

Comments:

128 words.

This item went through a few naming iterations. The Greatsteal was too punny (but I love it), then the Steelthief (but it doesn't only steal steel) and it didn't have a special flavor, then I added some ickiness and tried Gluttonblade on for size. Ultimately, Gorging Blade which may or may not be better.

I eyeballed the extra effect at 20k. It's somewhat SiaC but hopefully it's fun enough to get a pass?

My submission last contest was Sightstealer Rapier, maybe I have a type.

[Curaigh]

Petty Alchemy wrote:

Gorging Blade

• Caster level feels like it should be higher, but technically it should be lower. (3x enhancement bonus is 9.) This could be because.
  
• the DC seems high also: 10+spell level+caster's ability) since the minimum needed to cast the spell is an 11, the DC should probably be 12. This is probably a moot DC though. Perhaps there is a better spell than reduce person?
  
• name does not deliver, as the blade doesn't eat anything. It is SiaC (& because it is a weapon, SAK).

...but I think I know where you are going with this & if I am right I like it. The image I have is from a Zogonia comic where the protaganist gets a giant tick stuck on him. As it drains his blood he not only gets paler, but noticably thinner (the comic part of it is the rest of his party watching the thing with curiosity & not bothered by its affects on him... I woke my mate up I was laughing so hard when they tried to squeeze the enlarged tick. I digress. :)

I want the 'gorger' to suck the blood (size) out of someone. I need the blade to resemble a syringe or mosquito (stirge in fantasy) and I need it to get bigger as it drains the size from the target. Just hitting them to shrink them is also a little SAK because nothing ties the two abilities together. I see a dagger-sized bastard sword whose hit requires a Fort save & if failed, it becomes a longsword. Next hit, failed save it becomes greatsword, third hit failed save it becomes bastard sword & the target shrinks. Probably too complicated (I tend to over complicate things) but it shows the 'gorging' happening. If this is not the direction you were going, please do a rewrite & post it for us. :)

[Isaac Volynskiy]

I did some eyeballing. +3 weapon = CL 9, I went with CL 10 for rounded durations on spell effects.

The DCs that weapons should have per standard creation rules are generally awful (especially considering how expensive the weapons are at that point, practically unusable). My submission last year adhered strictly to the creation guidelines, and a lot of the feedback I got was that the DC was too low (despite admitting it was correctly calculated).
It's difficult ground to tread, I should probably just avoid items with saving throws because the pricing is wonky.

Naming is important to me, so it's good to know some people might not see the "gorging" part. For me, it is gorging because when it grows in size, it takes size from something else (unless they resist). It's like taking a bite out of their mass. For you, sucking it out like a mosquito is better imagery than a toothed blade.

Do you think any of the names I put in the spoiler would've fit better?

---

Re: Your take on it.
Why does it go dagger -> longsword -> greatsword -> bastard sword (shrinking in the 3rd case?) What happens when they fail the first saves, is it just the sword growing to normal size?

One of the issues with such a weapon is that Pathfinder rewards weapon specialization, so people will have bonuses with the weapon only at one stage. And when it's a dagger, they can't 2hand it, when it's a bigger blade, they can't finesse it. So the transformation should be quick in my opinion, lest it be too punishing to the user.

---

SIAC: Yup, guilty of this. I considered making it steal Str from the target and give it to the user, but I didn't like it as much and it didn't fit the challenge of using size (besides the existing Shrinking property, but that's kind of a cop out on its own).

[Balano]

Hi everybody.

This is a item that i have created, could you help me to make it better?

Smokehunter Pipe
Aura Faint Conjuration; CL 5th
Slot none; Price 21,800 gp; Weight 8 lbs.

Description
This +1 Greatclub is a large hollow wooden pipe. It has heavy metal edges decorated with carved clouds. Once a day, as a standard action, it can be blown and release a white smokescreen, this smoke spread in a 40 foot radius and obscures all sight, including, dark vision beyond 10 foot, someone within 10 foot has concealment and farther away have total concealment. The Smokehunter Pipe wielder can see through this smoke normally. The smokescreen least until the wielder swallow it or until fall unconscious.

Inside the smoke, the wielder can blow the Smokehunter Pipe as a standard action and create a copy of himself made of fog. The illusion stay in the place where it was created and cannot make any action. Anyone that interact with the illusion must make a DC 15 Will save to disbelieve.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Obscuring Mist, Minor Image, Darkvision; Cost 10,900 gp

[Curaigh]

Petty Alchemy wrote:

I did some eyeballing. +3 weapon = CL 9, I went with CL 10 for rounded durations on spell effects....

Hopefully I get this in order, :)

Yeah I thought CL looked too low, but running the numbers it was technically too high. 10 is a good round number, but like I said I would have looked for higher level spell to make up some of the difference. I've never seen a meta magic enhanced spell in item requirements, but I might be looking for an example if so.

Aye, DCs are risky on weapons, but if that is what it takes, just make sure to playtest it, put it up against a similar weapon, and playtest it. Another option to explore might be save: partial.

I like the name 'gorging blade' the best. I did get that it stole size from the target as it gorged on them. I think the item didn't live up eating the target is all. I didn't see the teeth in a 'serrated blade', so it could be a function of description only. Oddly, the example in my head is called a sawTOOTH sabre & I still missed it. Go fig! 'Tis probably just me. :) One thing I think a lot of people missed in RPGSS this year was using something other than a sword for a sword. (one of the ice knives got this right, but I will have to go look for it to remember the name....) In this case a dragon's fang, a sharktooth, a petrified behir tongue or anything that makes me think 'mouth or gullet' right away. Even engraving grinning mouths on the blade might help. FWIW the slavering image was both strong and relevant. Good job there.

Since a shrinking weapon starts as dagger sized, I called it a dagger though it would still be a greatsword. I gave it multiple attacks (and middle stages) to add the flavor of eating and eating and eating & then it's gorged. It gets bigger as target gets smaller. I toyed with the idea that it reduced Str & Con (per the spell) in the middle stage but decided it was too complicated. Since you toyed with it also, that might be an area to explore. :)

EDIT: added the quote since Balano posted before my response did.

[Isaac Volynskiy]

Strange materials are a risky area to explore. Since it's not an artifact, it's something that can be mass produced. In the megathread there was some scoffing at going too far in material (unless it's a defined special material).

"Maybe your Femurclub is made of human femur, but I could make mine out of wood per the rules."

I was considering (unrelated to this challenge), a Greatclub that's a (clay) Golem's Arm.

Thanks a lot for your feedback btw.

[Jarrett Sigler]

Balano wrote:

Smokehunter Pipe:

Smokehunter Pipe

Aura Faint Conjuration; CL 5th
Slot none; Price 21,800 gp; Weight 8 lbs.

Description
This +1 Greatclub is a large hollow wooden pipe. It has heavy metal edges decorated with carved clouds. Once a day, as a standard action, it can be blown and release a white smokescreen, this smoke spread in a 40 foot radius and obscures all sight, including, dark vision beyond 10 foot, someone within 10 foot has concealment and farther away have total concealment. The Smokehunter Pipe wielder can see through this smoke normally. The smokescreen least until the wielder swallow it or until fall unconscious.

Inside the smoke, the wielder can blow the Smokehunter Pipe as a standard action and create a copy of himself made of fog. The illusion stay in the place where it was created and cannot make any action. Anyone that interact with the illusion must make a DC 15 Will save to disbelieve.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Obscuring Mist, Minor Image, Darkvision; Cost 10,900 gp

[Jarrett Sigler]

Petty Alchemy wrote:

Gorging Blade:

Gorging Blade

Aura moderate transmutation; CL 10th
Slot none; Price 39,350 gp; Weight 8 lbs.

Description
This +3 shrinking greatsword’s serrated blade becomes slick with saliva when free of a scabbard.

The wielder may speak the shrinking command word as an immediate action upon successfully striking a creature or object. If the gorging blade returns to its original state, the struck creature or object must make a DC 20 Fortitude save or shrink (as the spell reduce person if a creature or shrink item if an object).

If the wielder gives the command word to shrink the gorging blade, any creature or item shrunk by the gorging blade immediately returns to its original size.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, reduce person, shrink item; Cost 19,850 gp

Shrinking is a thing.

** spoiler omitted **

[Isaac Volynskiy]

Thanks Tothric. After hearing it from two people, a Sawtooth Saber would have been a better choice for the true form. It has the imagery, and the weapon remains a finesse option in either form.

I considered giving it a "cruel nature" theme (grasping vines as a different weapon type, but didn't really like the wooden weapon options (quarterstaff, clubs, greatclubs).

I'm not sure that this item merits a rewrite, though I am flattered and humbled to hear praise of my previous works. I hope to post more often in this thread as we blaze what's left of this 9!

[Balano]

Tothric wrote:

Balano wrote:

** spoiler omitted **

Hello!

I'm going to start this item off with some positive. I like the theme. It get the imagery of an elegant tribal hunter who is defending his homelands from invaders.

Like the description. However: There are some unclear terms I wish to address: " The smokescreen least until the wielder swallow it ". How does the user swallow the smoke? What kind of action is that. I'm having a hard time visualizing swallowing smoke. This might be just me.

The illusion in the mist, how long does it last? It doesn't state. While it IMPLIES that the illusion lasts as long as the smoke does, it doesn't state that. Nor does it state that it is concentration. You may want to include how long the Illusion lasts.

Thing I may add: This thing FEELS very tribal, and I wonder if this Should be a blow-Gun instead of a...

Thank You Tothric for the analysis.

I'm very glad that you have liked my item.

I agree that the sentence " The smokescreen least until the wielder swallow it " is a bit confusing, but this is because i'm not a native english speaker, i'm brazilian, so when i was writing the phase i did not found a word that meant "pull back the smoke through the pipe" like a smoker. Oh! and this is a standard action.

In my description the illusion least until the smoke in dismissed. Do you thing this is overpowered?

I choose a Greatclub mostly because of the shape, if i pick a Blowgun how the dart will hit the target if the end of the Pipe is curve? If i shoot the dart will fly up.

Thank you again and sorry for my poor english.