Formatting and wording issues. I like the way that the three abilities tie together to create a suite that fits with the concept of a court fool, including the occasional fool's wisdom. The jesting ability is simple but works, the mockery ability has weirdnesses ("dazed with humiliation" doesn't make very much sense compared to other possible conditions, and given that the daze is not fear, it's probably also an emotion, compulsion, and mind-affecting ability. Still, not everyone this year even bothered to list any descriptors for their abilities, so calling out mind-affecting fear was good, at least. Fool's wisdom is a really fun way to do a legend lore if the subject isn't present, but it seems particularly hard to adjudicate if the creature is. Given that it has no save, presumably a subject who doesn't want their secrets broadcasted will either break the thing or move away (thus breaking the within 60 feet requirement), but not if they're tied up. Granted it's 1/week, but, subject to the whims of the item and the GM, it's potentially a powerful interrogator. This probably needed more adjudication on just how much you learn, and/or (depending on how much) also a save. Despite the drawbacks, I like the ensemble enough for a Week Keep on this item.
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Hi there! I'll be one of the judges for this round, and I'll be looking at a couple of key points for your item: flavor, usability, and how the item is presented. For some background, I helped found the Wayfinder fanzine before I started working for Paizo, and I oversee every third-party Pathfinder Roleplaying Game product that makes its way onto Paizo.com.
Flavor
A jester-themed item, but no good description of what the item looks like (besides that it's made out of wood).
Usability
It's very niche, and beyond that, not a whole lot going for it.
Presentation
Missing italics for the item name. Use of the list BBCode would have helped in readability. Missing capitalization on skills. Pricing seems arbitrary. Having the subject present during the fool's wisdom ability without allowing them a saving throw doesn't seem in line with the intent of legend's lore.
Final Thoughts
I wanted more from this, but it didn't deliver. I do not recommend this item for advancement.
Kept.
Modules Overlord
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My approach to judging these items is "How would I approach this as a developer?" If I would be pleased by the turnover and not see any reason to give negative feedback to the writer, that's great! If I'd keep it but it would take a lot of work or I'd want to let the writer know what needed improvement, that's fine but not perfect. If I'd scrap the item because it would be faster to write new material myself, that's bad.
I doubt most readers are going to know what a marotte is without looking it up, and the English definition seems to be more generic than the French meaning that seems to be in use here. I don’t mind requiring a broad vocabulary of Pathfinder players, but this doesn’t really give any context to help people know what it's supposed to look like. I'd need to either give a better description, or change the word choice, both of which take time.
Conceptually, I like it. Having taunts cause humiliation that leaves you dazed is mechanically sound, but the description of it is a little vague. It also feels like perhaps it should be language-dependent (which means we have to define what languages) or work better on humanoids than other creatures. And the legend lore feels like an odd choice, even if I like the idea of lore through storytelling.
I'd keep it, but it'd take some work to develop.
My current character in our Rise of the Runelords campaign is a halfling jester, so naturally I think this item is totally where it's at! I had no idea that thing I was waving about was called a marotte, that's probably why it was frowning at me so often :( Clearly I am going to have start charging more for people to see my puppet shows so I can afford it, or perhaps sell my very expensive sheep. Good luck in the next round!!
This item has very strong flavour but I feel like it is really expensive for +5 to a skill and a once per day and once per week ability.
Congratulations, Ben, on making the Top 32.
Jester items seem to be a popular type in Superstar, but I'm afraid I'm just not feeling them. It just shatters my sense of disbelief and I have a lot of trouble moving beyond that to look at the actual powers.
Doing so, though, I'd work to start with the more exciting abilities as you go forward. A +5 to a skill check immediately has me bored, even though you've managed to really to pump up the descriptive text to explain the reasoning behind it. Your second power seems like the key to the item to me, while I feel like the third is mostly a spell in a can.
Sorry to be so critical, but I hope moving forward you'll really show off your design chops. I'll look forward to seeing what you can do.
Obviously a student of the jesting arts - marotte is a great word, and extends the vocabulary of the players, so thumbs up there.
I liked jesters as a class in 1e, so maybe I'm biased - though it does make me somewhat more critical/harder to please - jesters/harlequins and fools are iconic fantasy fare, so this is a tough challenge you have set yourself.
Not sure why the marotte needs to take on the likeness of the wielder, nor why the Mockery effect takes on the victim's likeness - that seems too specific and unecessary.
Jesting: feels like a missed opportunity, and feels like a design misstep - on the one hand it says it can
cause the jester's face to transform into the comic likeness of any creature they can visualize.
So no ventriloquism chicanery to help Bluff or Diplomacy from the shadows? Or intimidate? Jesters could be stern and serious when the moment demanded it.
On the other Perform {comedy) is somewhat situational - there has to have been a better way to make the jesting do a little more than this. Even an in combat feint or distraction with a well swung marotte, or high pitched screeching...
Mockery: A bit clunky, but a solid idea. Nice for what cruelty the astute jester could dish out.
Fool's Wisdom: Great. The wealth of strange and esoteric knowledge many fictional jesters have is a central part of their gift - knowing the strange and ineffable secrets to thwart their rulers' enemies, or their rulers! Only problem with hit s ability is a singular lack of any other mechanical benefit or game interaction beyond legend lore. I would like to have seen more done with this as well.
Still, an admirable attempt, and a definite nod to creativity and design ability.
Since none of the abilities create an effect equivalent to hideous laughter, I think I'd rather have had a different spell listed than HL. Dazed-and-shaken due to a fear effect sounds like, well, something other than HL. I agree with the poster upthread that this seems more like an emotion/compulsion effect than fear, really. I'm also not crazy about what a wide swing a d6 of daze gets you. A strong and well-optimized party can take out most things within their CR range in one round if that creature can't take actions (at least in my experience); a potential 6 rds seems.... overkill.
OTOH, I suppose at the level where you're using this, most things have pretty strong will saves, and many will be flat-out immune to its effects.
I think my biggest issue with this comes down to cost and who's using it, I suppose. I like the IDEA of jesters... in a low-to-mid-level campaign that has a fairly human sense of scale.
But once you're talking about this sort of GP, you're also talking about characters who are routinely fighting dragons, powerful demons and devils, extraplanar entities... and it sort of breaks my sense of immersion to think that, oh yeah, the jester will mock the demon lord to death with his hand puppet. (Sure, yes, it's a magic world and characters are frequently ridiculous. I'm just saying it breaks MY personal sense of immersion, which is subjective.)
If this were an item with stripped down powers and a price-tag of about 1/5 of what it is, I'd be more into it. As it is, I'm just like, whoof, 50K for an item I can't imagine even my bards ever really being crazy about.
I did really like the idea of the legend lore, though, personally. I like the idea that this thing has picked up all sorts of scurrilous court gossip over the years. Concept is really cool there, just the execution doesn't seem to be what I went into the item hoping for.
Welcome to the top 32, Ben!
I'm stunned to see Fool's Scepter in the Top 32. It's an item on my keep list that I honestly thought got culled. It's an expensive jester-themed SAK with a skill bonus and a SIAC. Not really something that impresses. However, the great mockery ability and the flawless template work put it in my keep list. And apparently, it got you in the Top 32 as well! Well done. Use that spark to propel you into the next rounds! Good luck.
Congrats, Very original in my opinion. Never saw it in the polls. Has that feeling that it was originally created to be a wondrous item but nicely done either way. Good luck in the next round.
Congratulations on making it to the Top 32!
An item with very good format and a cavalcade of abilities that fit well together and form a strong, thematic item. That being said, I downvoted this every time I saw it. Personally I thought it was a joke item. Jesters and fools are certainly a part of medieval lore, but I still cannot see any player wielding this without being the source of jokes for the other players. Especially with that price tag. Perhaps this could work as an NPC item, but even then its uses are situational and uncomfortable bizarre. It's a niche item, is what I'm saying, and personally I'd never include this in my games.
But, objectively looking I can see what the judges saw in this. Sure the final ability is a touch overpowered, especially because it doesn't allow a save, but overall it's a strong execution of a weird idea. Which has its own fans. In any case, the best of luck for the upcoming rounds!
This item nails its theme perfectly, and the mechanics are mostly clean and easy to understand. I agree with many of the other things, good and bad, that were stated by commenters before me -- the theme has limited appeal, none of the mechanics are particularly innovative, and the item is expensive for what it is. But the item invokes jester flavor so perfectly that I'm willing to overlook all of that.
Congratulations!
Congratulations, Ben! One of the gutsiest items I saw during voting, and its subtlety consistently charmed upvotes from me. Looking forward to equally charming entries for future rounds!
Congratulations on making the Top 32! Well done!
Sorry to say but I was not a fan of this rod. It has a solid visual image and focused powers but it would really be annoying in actual use in one of my games. This is an item that—due to its nature—works for some and doesn't for others. I respect the design, but this really lacks universal appeal.
Unfortunately I don't particularly recall this item. I know I saw it, but it didn't stand out to me.
Formatting issues. Period instead of colon.
I'm not really a fan of naming the separate powers in a magical item.
Kind of boring first power...imitation (loud) and a flat bonus.
Why doesn't a higher intelligence negate the mockery? I mean...yeah you get a higher Will save but if you are smart enough to be Int 13 (remember that 10 is average) then something a foolish rod said shouldn't get under your skin.
And I would HATE to be the GM for the 3rd power.
Overall, I'm not seeing this as superstar, but I see your creative potential. I really think you need a lot of work on tightening writing, editing, and putting your thoughts to paper, but you do have some incredibly off the wall thought processes which can serve you well.
Fool's Scepter
Congratulations Ben!
This was mostly downvote from me. Skill bonuses and SiC are not what I look for in SS. I also think the mockery aspect went too far in terms of time & translating shame to a fear affect. That said, I liked the mockery aspect as the most evocative ability of the item. The flavor getting to the legend lore is also strong, and I hope we see more of that from you in the future.
Good luck!
RPG Superstar 2008 Top 32, 2011 Top 16
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Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka JoelF847
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Congrats on making the top 32.
Overall, this wasn't an item I liked during voting. The skill bonus is thematically sound for the item, but pretty boring as a power (even though most users will actually get the bonus to Bluff and Intimidate also with bardic versatile performances, that's just 3 skill bonuses instead of one.
The mockery seemed odd that it would cause dazing rather than rage towards the user - I can see it acting as a compel action effect to attack the wielder, possibly with a rage effect thrown in, which would make it useful against spellcasters if it forced them to attack with melee attacks, but dazing seems off-key. Also, while not specifically using a spell effect, it's pretty similar to spell in a can for daze monster.
The legend lore is another spell in a can, and the last part of the power should need a save as mentioned.
Finally, missing that these should be language dependent was the final nail in the coffin - turning a boring item into one that missed a critical rules component for me.
Congrats Ben!
I wasn't a huge fan of this item. Hard to think of someone buying or crafting this item.
Also, I think another spell of some sort should be in crafting requirements to account for the ability of the head to transform appearances.
good luck next round
Why am I critiquing every item? Well, frankly, I love this sort of thing. I sincerely enjoy editing and the art of the critique. I have long considered starting a blog to that end, and maybe this will be the kickstart I need. Speaking of which, if you want to hire an editor, I'd be happy to help ;)
Regardless, the point of my criticism is always to help. Nothing is perfect, so everything can potentially be made better. My comments will often be less than flattering, but they will never come from a place of malice. The point here is to make your item better, not to make you feel bad.
So, what am I looking for, here, when I judge these items? My primary focus is on rules knowledge, clarity/simplicity, and usability. You can come up with the most creative item on the planet, but if nobody is going to actually use it in a real game, who cares? And it doesn't matter if nobody uses it because it's obviously too strong, too weak for its price, too confusing/complicated to actually adjudicate at the table, or just too niche to have an actual target audience.
Finally, know that I did not read any critiques of your item yet. These are all my first thoughts based only on the item itself, so, I apologize if I repeat things others have said already.
Now, let's get to the critique!
As always, congratulations on making the top 32. No matter what I thought of your item, you won, and you should feel awesome!
I didn't like this item. It feels...too silly to me. That's going to sound crazy, because I liked the Mummer's Slapstick, but the two felt very different despite both having a jester theme. I like tongue-in-cheek humor, like the tone of Hercules: the Legendary Journeys or almost anything Bruce Campbell is in (actually, he was in Hercules, too), and I like creepy/dark versions of silly stuff like certain incarnations of Batman's Joker and Harlequinn, but I don't like just pure silly weirdness like, say, Jerry Lewis.
When you called this item a marotte, it made me immediately picture something like a french mime holding a puppet from Mr. Rogers. Off to a bad start.
The first ability is hit and miss. I like the ability to imitate sounds--infinite ghost sound is fun (though I can kind of already do that as any spell caster with cantrips). Making the jester's face change is...weird and unnecessary here. What are you, Jeff Dunham? /shudder. The +5 bonus to comedy checks seems so...pointless. The only time it would come up would be when trying to make money, since the other uses are not applicable (versatile performance) or vey rare and unlikely to be needed while you are holding the rod (Countersong). And how often are you going to be trying to make money with Perform when you can afford such expensive magic items?
The second ablity bugs me, too. "Dazed with humiliation?" Huh? I don't care for that, especially the variable nature of the duration. And then to combine a random daze duration with a ridiculous 10 minute shaken?! That's a seriously long duration effect. Why is this a fear effect? I'm afraid of mockery? I think sickened/nauseated would have made a lot more sense to me. Oh, and it's only once per day. Lame. I hate daily abilities.
The third, well, first, I hate weekly abilities. I hate daily abilites, too, but weekly ones are even worse. I'll never want to use it because I'll always be concerned I might need it more later and if I use it at the wrong time, I'll have to wait a week (i.e., an eternity in typical adventuring time) to use it again. The additional effect against a target in your presence seems less like an extra bonus and more like a penalty. Hearing their thoughts and motivations is probably never worth someone knowing you're trying to hear their thoughts and motivations.
And then, wow, 50k for this? That seems really steep. How did you come to that price? It looks like a random guess, and for me, it's not worth it. If my party found this item, we'd be creeped out or annoyed with the GM for including Mr. Roger's puppets (depending on the context in which we found it) and then sell it. I can at least imagine a small subset of players wanting it and having one made, but those players and I would have a serious clash of game styles.
Overall, I'm turned off by the fluff and the mechanics are too underwhelming to bring me back.
Fool's Scepter
Aura strong divination and enchantment; CL 12th
Slot none; Price 50,000 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
This wooden marotte is topped with a jester's head whose comical face by default takes on the likeness of the wielder. A fool's scepter grants its wielder the following powers.Jesting: As a free action the wielder can speak through the jester's head and imitate voices and sounds with a volume of up that of a dragon's roar. They can also cause the jester's face to transform into the comic likeness of any creature they can visualize. Using the fool's scepter in this manner grants a +5 circumstance bonus to perform (comedy) checks.
Mockery: Once per day, as a standard action, the wielder can cause the jester head to take on the likeness of an individual creature within 60 feet and then harangue that creature with magically honed mockery. If the creature possesses an intelligence of 3 or higher, they are dazed with humiliation for 1d6 rounds and shaken for 10 minutes. This is a mind-affecting fear effect that is negated by a DC 18 Will save.
Fool's Wisdom: Once per week the wielder may as a standard action query the jester's head for information regarding an individual creature. The head transforms into the likeness of that creature and recites a number of jocular stories that provide information as though the wielder had completed casting the spell legend lore. If the subject of the wielder’s query is present and within 60 feet, the head also provides information regarding the subject's thoughts, desires, personality, and motivations, but in this circumstance the head always answers in a voice that is loud enough to be audible to the subject of the query.
Construction
Requirements Craft Rod, hideous laughter, legend lore, ventriloquism; Cost 25,000 gp
Is the Item Decorative?
It's a clotpole's stick, with little indication that it looks anything more than the usual rather gaudy, vulgar-looking, 'standard' of such items.
Decorative score? 1 out of 7.
Does the Item have Any Obvious non-Decorative Use Around the Home?
It has possibilities for use as a 'subtle' hint at dinner parties when dealing with guests who rather tiresomely insist on repeatedly overstepping the boundaries of polite conversation - and who ignore rather more refined social cues regarding their behaviour.
non-Decorative Domestic Use score? 2 out of 7.
Does the Item seem Likely to be Helpful in the Fantasy Setting of an Imaginary World where 'Operation Sealion' is taking Place?
So the (for simplicity's sake) Nasties are lining up with all their little boats to launch an invasion-attempt across a strait upon a nation of perfectly (socially) harmless tea-drinkers. And then there's this item.
So what impact is this item likely to have on proceedings?
There's really not going to be much in the way of up-and-close personal encounters that afford the scope for the use of this item during proceedings; at best it might serve as an 'interrogator's aid', behind the front-lines, where it could come into play getting information about important captured prisoners.
'Sealion' score? 2 out of 7.
Total: 5 out of 21.
Congratulations on the top 32. I will admit to being a bit on the line where either this item was a great and funny idea or it was a joke item. That, for me, was a bit difficult in the voting.
Congratulations for having made it to Top 32 AND Top 16!
Sorry I'm late to the party, I hadn't realized how big a task commenting on everyone else's items was going to be in the Official Critique Thread!
Seeing as how many other people have commented above me, and you've moved well on from this point... I'm going to keep my comments brief. To understand my rating system, see my larger post on my critique thread.
As an overall comment, each and every one of you that made it to the Top 32 must have had a "Publishable" item in my opinion because you appealled to not only the voters but also the judges -- so if I say "Rewrite" it's more to be "rewriteable to be SUPERSTAR!"
SUPERSTAR! -- I loved this item, and any changes I would have made were more to fit a certain theme or style really.