Rimewinder
Aura moderate evocation; CL 10th
Slot none; Price 18,302 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Crafted from spiraling icicles tapered to a needle point, this +1 frost dagger has wispy swirls of frigid air surrounding it. When held, fragments of ice creep down the wielder's arm and grant him command over the relentless fury of winter. After a successful melee attack with the blade, the target must succeed at a DC 15 Fortitude save or be afflicted with a creeping chill, immediately affecting it as severe cold. This effect lasts for 10 minutes. Each successive strike during this period resets the duration and immediately forces a new saving throw with an increased DC of 1. The DC increases for each hit, even if the target succeeds on its saving throw.
In areas of precipitation, the rimewinder's wielder may channel its power into the storm as a full-round action that provokes attacks of opportunity. Rain turns to sleet, sleet turns to snow, and snow turns to heavy snow. These effects persist for 10 minutes and affect a 60 ft. radius centered on the wielder. Creatures within this storm, regardless of its severity, suffer a –2 penalty to their saves against the rimewinder's chilling attacks. Subsequent uses do not increase the severity of the storm, but reset the duration. The wielder of the rimewinder can see through any weather effects created by the weapon without penalty.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, control weather, ice storm, unshakable chill; Cost 9,151 gp
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Wording issues, Price/Cost don't match. So it's a frost dagger that causes its victim to act as if in severe cold conditions, regardless of the current temperature. Would endure elements help with that? It also has an unlimited use storm amplification power; while there's a limited number of situations where you could use the power, unlimited use is for sure too much for the item's given price (it costs only as much as a +1 icy burst dagger after all), especially with the ability to see through the storm. The powers fit together and form a tight theme. The particularly poor pricing (and/or bad decision to make the ability at-will) and mild ambiguities don't quite take away enough to bring this down, so after looking at all the items, I'll give this a Weak Keep.
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Hi there! I'll be one of the judges for this round, and I'll be looking at a couple of key points for your item: flavor, usability, and how the item is presented. For some background, I helped found the Wayfinder fanzine before I started working for Paizo, and I oversee every third-party Pathfinder Roleplaying Game product that makes its way onto Paizo.com.
Flavor
The item's name is a bit of a tongue twister. Description is very evocative, and this would be fun to illustrate.
Usability
Very straightforward item, and one that anybody can use.
Presentation
No formatting or style errors, but what does "affecting it as sever cold" do? The environmental effect? The text isn't clear. The rest of the the mechanics are very tightly designed, and cover potential misuses.
Final Thoughts
Focused mechanics that stay close to the theme. I do recommend this item for advancement.
Kept.
Modules Overlord
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My approach to judging these items is "How would I approach this as a developer?" If I would be pleased by the turnover and not see any reason to give negative feedback to the writer, that's great! If I'd keep it but it would take a lot of work or I'd want to let the writer know what needed improvement, that's fine but not perfect. If I'd scrap the item because it would be faster to write new material myself, that's bad.
I want to love this item. It has a strong theme, a broad range of characters that might want to sue it, and some neat ideas. But the pricing seems way low, especially given it grants some weather manipulation abilities with no use/day limits. That means under the right weather conditions, it becomes hugely more powerful. And some of its effects aren't spelled out as well as I'd like. If you are going to reference environmental rules, you may actually want to throw in a note where they can be found.
But while that means I don't love it, I still like it. Keep.
Really great visuals with this one, and a creative way to do something that could very easily have been rather straightforward and bland (ice-themed weapon? A very old trope). I really liked this one. Congrats!
Congratulations, Matt.
I agree with Cthulhudrew (again). Playing with environmental effects is a neat choice, and a good way to use some often underused rules.
Best of luck in the contest; I'm looking forward to seeing what you can do.
I agree with the others about the mechanics could be more clear, particularly with the severe cold and weather control effects. But I like how you took an old concept and executed it in a very different way. The increasing DC also makes it potentially useful at higher levels.
Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
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The primary effect is unclear and, depending on what the primary effect ends up being, the save DC for it may be prone to becoming overpowered as iterative attacks add up. As a result I felt it needed more development to clarify usage and resolve edge cases (example: does cold weather gear provide a bonus to the saving throw?). Despite that, I did like Rimewinder very much and had it on my keep list. It's got a new twist on an old theme. It also interacts with the weather, which seems to me to be a good way to make a player feel powerful without unhinging game balance--and weather is an underutilized mechanic as it stands.
Congratulations on making it to the Top 32!
I definitely like the whole theme and how the two main abilities fit together, especially how the latter reinforces the former. The wording on the first ability is very unclear. I get what you're going for, but it took me a couple of reads. Still, a relatively easy fix to make.
Also the weather effect is something that is going to be either very powerful in certain campaigns or absolutely useless in others. It also forces the GMs to pay attention to the weather patterns in their campaigns. I recognize it as a personal failure of mine that unless the players ask, I always assume it's calm and slightly cloudy. Perhaps granting this to one of my players would force me to think about it more often. Not sure whether I like that or not.
Still, a great item and well deserving of its advancement. The best of luck for the upcoming rounds!
It's good to see you in the top 32 Matt. This is a classic ice dagger with a very well realized theme. Reading it over I feel like this is exactly what an ice dagger should be -- I don't think I've seen a better implementation of the trope. The name is excellent too.
Congratulations!
Congrats Matt!
You created a great item. Very evocative imagery. It got a lot of my votes.
good luck next round
Congratulations, fellow Forger! I love cold themed items (which is weird given how much I hate the actual cold), and this one fits beautifully into that design niche. Good work, looking forward to your subsequent entries!
I remember this item quite clearly as I really liked it.
Cool description.
Great visuals on the creeping ice, but I would cut the bit about "command over the relentless fury of winter". It is a cool sentence but it makes me ask questions about what it means in context of the item's powers.
I don't know that I would reset the duration...just extend it.
And cool use of storms. Not generating a storm, but almost an effect like the light and darkness spells. Except for weather conditions. Cool!
Overall, I really liked this and don't have much bad to say about it. Keep up the great work but push even harder and you WILL do well.
Congratulations on making the Top 32! Well done!
I found the weather condition adjustments a bit off putting and a little confusing as to their inclusion at first. Clearer descriptions could help quite a bit. Mechanically solid though.
RPG Superstar 2008 Top 32, 2011 Top 16
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Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka JoelF847
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Congrats on making the top 32.
Another item I never saw during voting. I'm of mixed opinion on this one. I like the extra ability that after stabbing someone you freeze them like they're in severe weather, and including the weather mechanic of increasingly difficult save DCs. It's another example of using the weapon as a weapon to administer it's special powers.
I'm not as happy with the weather intensifying, since this means you're not really using the weapon to attack at that point. The part about seeing through cold weather precipitation is good, since it helps you to see things so you can stab them, but increasing the weather seems like an out of place power for a weapon.
Overall, I probably would have voted for this some times, but not others.
Why am I critiquing every item? Well, frankly, I love this sort of thing. I sincerely enjoy editing and the art of the critique. I have long considered starting a blog to that end, and maybe this will be the kickstart I need. Speaking of which, if you want to hire an editor, I'd be happy to help ;)
Regardless, the point of my criticism is always to help. Nothing is perfect, so everything can potentially be made better. My comments will often be less than flattering, but they will never come from a place of malice. The point here is to make your item better, not to make you feel bad.
So, what am I looking for, here, when I judge these items? My primary focus is on rules knowledge, clarity/simplicity, and usability. You can come up with the most creative item on the planet, but if nobody is going to actually use it in a real game, who cares? And it doesn't matter if nobody uses it because it's obviously too strong, too weak for its price, too confusing/complicated to actually adjudicate at the table, or just too niche to have an actual target audience. What I am generally not looking at is flavor text. Descriptions of your item will only hurt if the item evokes imagery I dislike. I care about theme, of course, but a crow item with blind and pilfering hand in it is thematic enough--I don't need to read about different kinds of dark wood were used and how many crow parts are sticking out of it.
Finally, know that I did not read any critiques of your item yet. These are all my first thoughts based only on the item itself, so, I apologize if I repeat things others have said already.
Now, let's get to the critique!
As always, congratulations on making the top 32. No matter what I thought of your item, you won, and you should feel awesome!
This was another "maybe" item for me. I think it's pretty cool (ha) that it inflicts extreme cold on people. However, it wasn't quite up to snuff for me to keep it.
For one, it's a dagger, which, well, is not a very good weapon. If not for the River Rat trait, I'd probably already be done with this, but there are lots of people that insist on using them and the trait makes them better than many martial light weapons, so, I'll let that go.
Then, while interesting, the extreme cold effect is just, well, not that impressive. It's just 1d6 nonlethal, and unlike the Merciful weapon quality, there's a save for it (which takes a while to become a sure thing). The only draw, really, is the potential fatigue, which, well, isn't a big deal in the end (unless you fight Barbarians a lot), since it's just -1 to some stuff. Plus, lots of enemies resist cold and nonlethal, so, it's somewhat unreliable. And, does stuff that protects against severe cold protect against this? Endure Elements? Does heavy clothing/survival checks give a bonus to resist?
The ability to affect the weather is also kind of neat, but, well, I can't imagine it being a big deal. First, it requires extant weather to affect, and, well, while I try to use weather sometimes, the vast, vast majority of games I've been in (both as a PC and GM) have involved no special weather beyond major plot point disasters and like, snow storms during an arctic adventure side quest, which are rare enough that this won't matter much.
I will say, though, that it is, at least, priced pretty accurately. It's not much different than a +3 weapon (+1, frost, and merciful), and this is exactly that price.
If my party found this, we would keep or sell it depending on whether or not we had any dagger wielders (we'd especially keep it if we had a River Rat). I think there's definitely an appeal for a custom order, too, so, it is pretty practical.
Overall, I think it's a good item, and I can understand why it would win. I liked it well enough, it just wasn't one of my favorites. I think it was just the weird weather changing effect that turned me off--it's just not my style, did not fit the portfolio I imagine daggers (or even weapons) having, and also didn't seem especially useful. Still, good job.
Congratulations on the top 32! Good visual, but why at will abilities... also cold does feel a touch done, but when it all comes down to it, I think this is a good item. Do recall voting for it most of the times I saw it.
Rimewinder
Aura moderate evocation; CL 10th
Slot none; Price 18,302 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Crafted from spiraling icicles tapered to a needle point, this +1 frost dagger has wispy swirls of frigid air surrounding it. When held, fragments of ice creep down the wielder's arm and grant him command over the relentless fury of winter. After a successful melee attack with the blade, the target must succeed at a DC 15 Fortitude save or be afflicted with a creeping chill, immediately affecting it as severe cold. This effect lasts for 10 minutes. Each successive strike during this period resets the duration and immediately forces a new saving throw with an increased DC of 1. The DC increases for each hit, even if the target succeeds on its saving throw.
In areas of precipitation, the rimewinder's wielder may channel its power into the storm as a full-round action that provokes attacks of opportunity. Rain turns to sleet, sleet turns to snow, and snow turns to heavy snow. These effects persist for 10 minutes and affect a 60 ft. radius centered on the wielder. Creatures within this storm, regardless of its severity, suffer a –2 penalty to their saves against the rimewinder's chilling attacks. Subsequent uses do not increase the severity of the storm, but reset the duration. The wielder of the rimewinder can see through any weather effects created by the weapon without penalty.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, control weather, ice storm, unshakable chill; Cost 9,151 gp
Is the Item Decorative?
The item is apparently made from ice (which is fancy but a bit impractical, although the impractical likely doesn't impact the item's look which is, after all, what's under consideration here) and some sort of effort has been made to make it look decorative with the 'spiraling icicles' motif.
Decorative score? 2 out of 7.
Does the Item have Any Obvious non-Decorative Use Around the Home?
Besides its possible use as a decorative feature, unless I misunderstand something this item can be used for:
1) stabbing objects.
2) making the weather locally more murky.
Neither of said abilities is of much obvious use indoors around the home. (Well not unless one is of a vigorous disposition and has had a very bad day.)
non-Decorative Domestic Use score? 0 out of 7.
Does the Item seem Likely to be Helpful in the Fantasy Setting of an Imaginary World where 'Operation Sealion' is taking Place?
So the (for simplicity's sake) Nasties are lining up with all their little boats to launch an invasion-attempt across a strait upon a nation of perfectly (socially) harmless tea-drinkers. And then there's this item.
So what impact is this item likely to have on proceedings?
Well, weather permitting, it could be useful during the beach phase of proceedings (if things get that far) to make it more difficult for everyone else to see what's going on, whilst the bearer can still see perfectly clearly. That might help with local efforts to either advance or to check an advance.
'Sealion' score? 3 out of 7.
Total: 5 out of 21.
Congratulations for having made it to the Top 32, sorry you didn't move on.
Sorry I'm late to the party, I hadn't realized how big a task commenting on everyone else's items was going to be in the Official Critique Thread!
Seeing as how many other people have commented above me, and you've moved well on from this point... I'm going to keep my comments brief. To understand my rating system, see my larger post on my critique thread.
As an overall comment, each and every one of you that made it to the Top 32 must have had a "Publishable" item in my opinion because you appealed to not only the voters but also the judges -- so if I say "Rewrite" it's more to be "rewriteable to be SUPERSTAR!"
Publishable -- An interesting spin on the standard "dagger of <insert energy type here>". I have some questions about the weather effects but we could clean that up in editing ;-)
Rimewinder
Congratulations Matt!
I didn't see this in voting, but I like the environmental capabilities it offers. The second power, upping storm abilities went a little too far for me. I don't think it is broken, but I think it goes into SAK territory. This almost feels as the primary ability of a wondrous item with the other ability being added for the R1 curveball. Again I like that ability. It's duration could be shorter, once you stab someone one or the other of you probably has only a minute to live. . Calling out the visibility for the wielder is a good design choice. :)
My apologies for not getting to this sooner, hopefully though you are looking forward to next year. :)