Oooo!! So close!
When voting is done, will you tell us if those two top contenders were part of the three "mutual keeps"?
Good luck folks :)
RPG Superstar 2014 Top 4, RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32
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Less than seven hours until the big reveal!
And I'm very glad to tell you that each of the top 5 finalists were able to do an interview for A Sword for Hire. Next Saturday and the following week, you'll get to hear more about Douglas, Joe, Mike, Nick, and Wendall and their monsters, and what they think makes a good monster, and what are their favorite monsters in the Pathfinder RPG!
Ah! Congratulations! And Celebrations! Your cool version of my wish the Nightbloom won! bravo!
Can't wait for the interviews! :-)
Congratulations, Nick! The nightbloom was an awesome entry.
Bravo!
Nice Nick, Congratulations!
Congrats, Nick. Well done.
WOOHOO!!! Congrats Brother!!
Thanks everyone! I was really impressed by all the entries - I'm looking forward to see more monsters from Wendall, Douglas, Joe, and Mike in the future!
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Good job to everyone, and congrats to Nick on winning.
Now that the voting is over, for those of us who want them, how do we go about finding out the comments that each of us got on our monsters. I know I really don't want to, and am very afraid to read what was said, but I won't get better if I don't know didn't make me Top 5 material.
Congrats, Nick!
Anyone can just let me know what your monster was (post here or via PM, whichever you'd rather), and I'm happy to send my comments to you (or post them publicly if you want; just let me know what you'd prefer).
However, if your monster was the shadhavar, I'll also need to know the name you sent it under -- that was the one duplicate monster.
Please keep in mind, my comments were originally intended for myself and the other judges. Though they should (I hope) be constructive, they may be blunt. I was writing for ourselves, not necessarily how I might give feedback to someone if he/she sent me an email asking for a critique. The examples of what I wrote for the Top 5 are pretty much what I tried to do for everyone. If you've got any questions/comments on my notes, I'm happy to address those too.
Oh, and mazel tov, Nick!
Here was my monster - The carcharinax, an alien shark.
This eyeless, vaguely shark-like creature has a hammer shaped head and glowing ridges running along large, manta-like fins.
XP 1,200
N Large animal (aquatic)
Init +6; Senses blindsight 120 ft., keen scent; Perception +8
DEFENSE
AC 16, touch 11, flat-footed 14 (+2 Dex, +5 natural, -1 size)
hp 42 (5d8+20)
Fort +7, Ref +6, Will +4
Resist electricity 10
OFFENSE
Speed swim 60 ft.
Melee bite + 8 (1d8+6)
Space 10 ft.; Reach 5 ft.
Special Attacks electric jolt
STATISTICS
Str 19, Dex 15, Con 17, Int 1, Wis 16, Cha 4
Base Atk +3; CMB +9; CMD 17(can’t be tripped)
Feats Improved Initiative, Weapon Focus (bite)
Skills Perception +8, Swim +9
SQ luminous
ECOLOGY
Environment any ocean
Organization solitary, pair, school (3-6), or pack (7-13)
Treasure none
SPECIAL ABILITIES
Keen Scent (Ex) A carcharinax can notice creatures by scent in a 180-foot radius underwater and can detect blood in the water at ranges up to a mile.
Luminous (Ex) A carcharinax naturally sheds light equal to that provided by a candle. It can control the color of the illumination. As a swift action, it can extinguish the light.
Electric Jolt (Ex) Every 1d6 rounds, a carcharinax can produce a powerful jolt of electricity from its body, dealing 1d8 points of electricity damage to all creatures within 5 feet. On a critical hit, any creature struck must make a DC 15 Fortitude save or be stunned for 1d4 rounds. The save DC is Constitution-based.
The carcharinax, commonly known as a shocker shark, is a nocturnal apex predator from a dark, water-covered world. The shark’s head has large lateral projections similar to a hammerhead's, but rather than eyes on the sides of its head possesses powerful sensory organs that give it an uncanny ability to sense prey and predator alike even in total darkness. Its skin tends to be dark shades of blue, with a slightly lighter underbelly. Bioluminescent ridges run along large manta-like pectoral fins and its dorsal fin and are used to aid the shark in attracting prey, usually large schools of fish.
During the day the shark spends its time hunting in the dark depths of the ocean, while at night they prowl near the surface. When it finds prey, the carcharinax will slowly approach it and discharge a powerful jolt of electricity from its bioluminescent ridges that can stun the smaller creature and allows the shark to feed with impunity. Even if the electrical jolt fails to stun its prey, the shark’s powerful bite is still quite deadly.
The bioluminescent ridges also serve to attract mates during breeding seasons, with hundreds of these sharks congregating creating a stunning display of colors that can often be seen for miles. This time can be extremely hazardous for other creatures, as the sharks’ bioluminescent ridges create electrical discharges that the other sharks can sense. Male carcharinax tend to have stronger electrical discharges that often attract more females. As with many similar species, fights often break out between competing males.
For the judges, I would like your critiques through PM please. Everyone else, have at it. I know I should have put more into the description, but I was running short on time when I finally got to working on it. Some numbers may be off as well.
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Mine was the dragonhide golem. Any and all comments from the judges, I'll take via PM as well. From fellow contestants, on here is fine.
At first glance it appears as though a large zombified half-dragon is lumbering forward, but as it comes closer it becomes clear by the different colored scales held together by numerous stitches, metal staples, and wire, that it is something far more terrifying.
DEFENSE
OFFENSE
STATISTICS
ECOLOGY
SPECIAL ABILITIES
Construction
Dragonhide Golem
A dragonhide golem is a collection of various parts from chromatic dragons, stitched and stapled together into a bipedal humanoid form. It has no possessions or weapons, but it does make use of the natural attacks and senses. A dragonhide golem stands 10 feet and weighs 900 lbs. A dragonhide golem cannot speak, although it can roar as loud and as frightening as any normal dragon. It moves as if it's stalking prey, but still isn't very agile or quiet. There's rumor of experiments being performed by necromancers to create a metallic dragonhide golem, with which even more breath weapons would be accessible to the golem.
XP 12,800
N Large construct
Init -1; Senses blindsense 30 ft., darkvision 90 ft. low-light vision; Perception +0
Aura fear (60 ft., DC 17)
AC 26, touch 8, flat-footed 26 (-1 Dex, +18 natural, -1 size)
hp 112 (15d10+30)
Fort +5, Ref +4, Will +5
DR 10/adamantine and magic; Immune construct traits, magic; Resist acid 20, cold 20, electricity 20, fire 20
Speed 40 ft.; fly 160 ft. (poor)
Space 10 ft.; Reach 10 ft.
Melee bite +23 (2d6+13), 2 claws +23 (1d8+9), 2 wings +18 (1d6+4)
Special Attacks breath weapon (DC 17), powerful bite
Str 29, Dex 9, Con --, Int --, Wis 11, Cha 1
Base Atk +15, CMB 25; CMD 34
Feats HoverB
Skills Fly -7
Languages none
Environment any
Organization solitary, pair, or group (3-4)
Treasure none
Breath Weapon (Su): Due to the golem being made of multiple different dragons, its breath weapon's energy can be changed at each use. Every 1d4+1 rounds the dragonhide golem can exhale 6d6 damage worth of acid (60-foot line), cold (30-foot cone), electricity (60-foot line), or fire (30-foot cone) as a swift action.
Fear Aura (Su): The golem retains some of the frightful presence that came from the original dragons it was built from. The aura radiates fear in a 60-foot-radius. Any creature with fewer HD than the dragonhide golem is shaken unless they make a successful Will save (DC 17). The effect lasts for as long as the creature remains within range and for 2d6 rounds afterward. A creature that succeeds on the Will save to resist is immune to that golem's fear aura for 24 hours. This is a mind-affecting fear affect.
Immunity to Magic (Ex): A dragonhide golem is immune to any spell or spell-like ability that allows spell resistance. In addition, certain spells and effects function differently against the creature, as noted below.
• A magical attack that deals cold or fire damage slows a dragonhide golem (as the slow spell) for 2d6 rounds (no save).
• A magical attack that deals electricity damage breaks any slow effect on the golem and heals 1 point of damage for every 3 points of damage the attack would otherwise deal. If the amount of healing would cause the golem to exceed its full normal hit points, it gains any excess as temporary hit points. A dragonhide golem gets no saving throw against attacks that deal electricity damage.
Powerful Bite (Ex): This is a primary attack that deals the indicated damage plus 1-1/2 times the Strength bonus (even though it has more than one attack).
The pieces of a dragonhide golem must come from various chromatic dragon corpses that have not decayed significantly. Assembly requires a minimum of six different adult bodies—one for each limb, the torso (including head), and the brain. In some cases, more bodies may be necessary. Special unguents and bindings worth 3000 gp are also required. Note that creating a dragonhide golem requires casting a spell with the evil descriptor.
CL 13th; Price 60,500 gp
CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Construct, acid arrow, animate dead, burning hands, cone of cold, geas/quest, fly, lightning bolt, limited wish, creator must be caster level 13th; Skill Craft (leather) or Heal DC 18; Cost 30,250 gp.
Two Shadhavars?
My my! I really like to see those! They are among my favorite myth monsters and I wished for them like 20 times, i'm happy to see two of them make it.
To all people from Paizo, see that Shadhavar are very popular, more reasons to put these evil unicorns in bestiary 5! :-p
Here is mine.
This attractive figure appears to be just another person, save for its completely red eyes.
Pishacha CR 13
XP 38,400
CE Medium Outsider (chaotic, demon, evil, extraplanar)
Init +10; Senses darkvision 60 ft., low-light vision; Perception +25
DEFENSE
AC 28touch 23 flat-footed 20 (+5 Dex, +5 Deflection, +3 Dodge, +5 Natural)
hp 178 (16d10+90); fast healing 15
Fort +16, Ref +10, Will +16
Defensive Abilities DR 15/cold iron and evil; Immune electricity, mind-affecting effects, poison; Resist acid 10, fire 10, cold 10; SR 24
OFFENSE
Speed 30 ft., fly 60 ft. (good)
Melee 2 claws +22 (1d6+6 plus 3d6 negative energy damage), bite +22 (1d6+6 plus 3d6 negative energy damage)
Space 5 ft.; Reach 5 ft.
Special Attacks Alter Memory, Consume Host, Possession
Spell-Like Abilities (CL 16th; concentration +24)
At will— Charm Monster (DC 22), Confusion(DC 22), Deeper Darkness, Invisibility
3/day— Quickened Confusion(DC 22)
1/day— Dominate Monster (DC 27), Insanity (DC 25),
STATISTICS
Str 22, Dex 20, Con 22, Int 18, Wis 23, Cha 26
Base Atk +16; CMB +22; CMD 38
Feats Combat Reflexes, Critical Focus, Blind Fight, Greater Blind Fight, Improved Critical (Bite),Improved Initiative, Quicken Spell-like Ability (Confusion), Staggering Critical
Skills Bluff +27, Diplomacy +27, Fly +23, Intimidate +27, Knowledge (local) +23, Knowledge (planes) +23, Knowledge (religion) +23, Perception +25, Sense Motive +25, Stealth +27]); Racial Modifiers + 4 Stealth,
Languages Abyssal, Celestial, Draconic; telepathy 100 ft.
SQ change shape (alter self)
ECOLOGY
Environment any
Organization solitary, pair, or gang (3–6)
Treasure standard
SPECIAL ABILITIES
Alter Memory (Su) This ability works just like the modify memory spell, except that it only requires a standard action to use the ability, and it allows the pishacha change any memories the pishacha wishes to change, up to 24 hours before the creature failed the save.
Possession (Su) This ability allows the pishacha to enter the body of the host as if a magic jar spell was used if the creature does not make a DC 22 will save. Upon a failed save the pishacha and the victim share the same body. In addition instead of directly controlling the host the pishacha commands it as if the creature had failed its saves against dominate monster, but unlike dominate monster the host will commit acts against its nature without receiving an additional save. The host detects as evil for the purpose of spells that determine alignment as long as they are still being possessed. However such spells require a caster level DC check of 26, otherwise the alignment of the host is detected instead. The DC save is Charisma based.
Note: Protection from Evil will not protect the creature from being controlled in this manner.
Consume Host (Ex) While possessing another creature the pishacha can try to consume the victim from the inside out. It rarely uses this ability since it prefers to use its victims to spread meyhem. If the pishacha does decide to use this ability the victim must make a DC 22 Fortitude saver or take 1d6 points of constitution drain. For every point of constitution drained the pishacha gains 5 temporary hit points, which last for 1 hour. The DC save is Fortitude based.
The pishacha is one of the few demons more likely to be found on the material plane than in the abyss, for it is here that it does its work. In it's natural form it is the size of an ordinary sized human and it could pass for one if not for it's red eyes. It enjoys hanging around places of mourning such as cemeteries, and it particularly enjoys funerals where the feelings of sorrow and regret give it a feeling of euphoria much like a drug does to a person. It is especially drawn to those exhibiting a much greater amount of grief than normal. Many times however waiting for things to happen is not enough, and it will seek out someone to use so that it may cause others feel grief through its actions. After a while it may become bored with its' victim, and leave him to his own devices. However by that time the person may be driven to insanity because of his actions, and even if not his lives and the lives of those he cares for are in utter ruin. Even though there is hard proof, many serial killers were said to have been influenced by a pishacha.
I just realized I sent in the wrong file to the judges. I sent them the incomplete one with some of the DC's missing. <facepalm>
OK, here is one version with DC's.
Judges feel free to comment by PM or to comment by PM as if I had actually given you the correct DC's for the abilities.
PS: I used a converter online to make my document into BB code(laziness), but the original should have had everything formatted correctly. Well except for the correct DC's.. :(
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Congratulations, Nick! :)
My one, both versions (the one that was submitted and the other):
This enormous insect is sustained in the air by large, multicolored, beautiful sparkling wings slowly beating.
Butterfly/Moth, Giant (CR 2)
600 XP
N Large vermin
Init +4; Senses darkvision 60 ft.; Perception +2
Defense
AC 14, touch 13, flat–footed 10 (+4 Dex, +1 natural, –1 size)
hp 19 (3d8 + 6)
Fort +5, Ref +5, Will +2
Immune mind–affecting effects
Offense
Speed 10 ft., fly 40 ft. (good)
Melee 2 claws +4 (1d4 + 2)
Space 10 ft.; Reach 5 ft.
Special Attacks pheromones
Statistics
Str 16, Dex 18, Con 14, Int ––, Wis 12, Cha 20
Base Atk +2; CMB +6; CMD 18 (26 vs. trip)
Skills Fly +9
Ecology
Environment temperate and hot forests and plains
Organization solitary, pair or swarm (2–20)
Treasure none
Special Abilities
Pheromones (Ex): As a standard action, a giant butterfly can release a cloud of pheromones in a 30–foot radius. All creatures within this area (save for other giant butterflies) must make a DC 13 Fortitude save to avoid being sickened by the pheromones for 1d2 rounds. Other giant butterflies caught in the cloud will avoid to fight or harm the butterfly which released the pheromones.
The only relevant difference between giant butterflies and giant moths are their colors and life cycle. Diurnal butterflies sport bright, beautiful color patterns, while nocturnal giant moths have inconspicuous grey–brown wings.
Much like their smaller cousins, these immense insects live on pollen of giant flowers, and can be often found in primitive jungles or gardens of oversized plants. They don’t usually attack other creatures unless they feel threatened.
Giant Butterflies/Moths as Animal Companions
Starting Statistics
Size Medium; Speed 10 ft., fly 40 ft. (good); AC +1 natural armor; Attack 2 claws (1d3); Ability Scores Str 8, Dex 20, Con 10, Int —, Wis 12, Cha 20; Special Attacks pheromones (Fort save or sickened for 1d2 rounds); Special Qualities darkvision; CMD trip +8.
7th-Level Advancement
Size Large; Attack 2 claws (1d4); Ability Scores Str +8, Dex –2, Con +4.
As big as a human hand, this frail, colorful insect beautifully rests on a tall blade of grass.
Butterfly/Moth, Large (CR ¼)
XP 100
N Tiny vermin
Init +5; Senses darkvision 60 ft.; Perception +0
Defense
AC 17, touch 17, flat–footed 12 (+5 Dex, +2 size)
hp 4 (1d8)
Fort +2, Ref +5, Will +0
Immune mind–affecting effects
Offense
Speed fly 20 ft. (good)
Melee 2 claws (1d4 – 4)
Space 2-1/2 ft.; Reach 0 ft.
Special Attacks pheromones
Statistics
Str 2, Dex 20, Con 10, Int ––, Wis 10, Cha 16
Base Atk +0; CMB +3; CMD 9
Skills Fly +12, Perception +4, Stealth +17 (moths only) Racial Modifiers +4 Stealth (moths only)
Special Abilities:
Familiar: The master of a large butterfly familiar gains a +3 bonus on Fly checks. A large moth familiar grants a +3 bonus on Stealth checks.
Pheromones (Ex): As a standard action, a large butterfly can release a small cloud of pheromones. All creatures adjacent to the butterfly (save for other butterflies) must make a DC 10 Fortitude save to avoid being sickened by the pheromones for 1 round. Other butterflies caught in the cloud will avoid to fight or harm the butterfly which released the pheromones.
Ecology
Environment temperate and hot forests and plains
Organization solitary, pair, or swarm (2–50)
Treasure none
The only relevant difference between butterflies and moths are their colors and life cycle. Diurnal butterflies sport bright, beautiful color patterns, while nocturnal moths have inconspicuous grey–brown wings. These larger specimens are often searched as familiars by spellcasters.
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Two Shadhavars?
My my! I really like to see those! They are among my favorite myth monsters and I wished for them like 20 times, i'm happy to see two of them make it.
To all people from Paizo, see that Shadhavar are very popular, more reasons to put these evil unicorns in bestiary 5! :-p
Mine was one of them. I wrote this up fairly quickly at the last minute, but I hope you approve of my take on this monster. Judges can post feedback here in the thread (this is Mark Nordheim).
This lithe, antelope-like beast with gloomy, blemished fur stands over six feet tall. It possesses a single long metallic horn that protrudes from the center of its forehead.
XP 2,400
CE Large magical beast
Init +9; Senses darkvision 60 ft., low-light vision, scent; Perception +10
Aura magic circle against good
DEFENSE
AC 19, touch 14, flat-footed 14 (+5 Dex, +5 natural, -1 size)
hp 68 (8d10+24)
Fort +9, Ref +11, Will +5
Immune charm, compulsion, poison, sonic
OFFENSE
Speed 70 ft.
Melee gore +13 (1d10+3 plus 2d6 sonic), 2 hooves +10 (1d4+1)
Space 10 ft.; Reach 5 ft.
Special Attacks beguiling music, powerful charge (gore, 2d10+6 plus 2d6 sonic)
Spell-Like Abilities (CL 8th; concentration +11)
Constant—detect good, magic circle against good
At will—darkness, sound burst (DC 15)
1/day—greater teleport (within its desert territory only), shout (DC 17)
STATISTICS
Str 16, Dex 21, Con 17, Int 10, Wis 16, Cha 17
Base Atk +8; CMB +12; CMD 27 (31 vs. trip)
Feats Improved Initiative, Multiattack, Weapon Finesse, Weapon Focus (gore)
Skills Acrobatics +10, Perception +10, Perform (wind) +19, Survival +5 (+9 in deserts); Racial Modifiers +8 Perform (wind), +4 Survival in deserts
Languages Aklo, Common
SQ magical strike
ECOLOGY
Environment warm deserts or hills
Organization solitary, mated pair, or blight (3-6)
Treasure standard
SPECIAL ABILITIES
Beguiling Music (Su) Each round as a free action, the shadhavar can produce beautiful, haunting music reminiscent of a flute from its horn. The eerie sounds beguile any creatures within 300 feet that hear them, besides other shadhavar. Creatures can resist this effect by succeeding at a Will save (DC 17). Creatures that fail their saves are beguiled for as long as the shadhavar continues to play its music. Regardless of the result, an affected creature cannot be subject to another shadhavar’s song for 24 hours. The effect of the beguilement depends on the distance between the shadhavar and its subject. If the subject is more than 30 feet away from the shadhavar, it must move towards the shadhavar as directly as possible and can take no other actions. Once the subject is within 30 feet of the shadhavar, it can act normally but is dispirited, suffering the effects of a crushing despair spell. This is a sonic mind-affecting compulsion effect. The save DC is Charisma-based.
Magical Strike (Ex) A shadhavar's gore attack is treated as a magic evil weapon for the purpose of overcoming damage reduction.
The shadhavar are deranged creatures that prey on the pure and innocent beings who dare to enter their desert homes. Resembling giant gazelles, shadhavar are the evil counterparts to unicorns. Their solitary horns are long, metallic, hollow, and sharp. When shadhavar hunt, they use their hollow horns to produce music like that of an elaborate wind instrument. This piping entrances the shadhavar’s prey, allowing the beast to make vicious, overwhelming attacks. A typical shadhavar is 10 feet long and 6 feet tall at the shoulder, but is also very thin, weighing only 1,000 pounds.
Shadhavar delight in killing and eating creatures of exceptional purity and goodness, particularly good-aligned fey, elves, or humans. When such a creature enters the shadhavar’s territory, the shadhavar hunts it mercilessly, using its beguiling music to set up a devastating charge. Even in direct combat, the shadhavar puts its musical horn to good use, augmenting its gore attacks with bursts of sonic force and blasting its foes at range with sonic energy.
Shadhavar claim territories for themselves in the desert that are typically hundreds of square miles. They consider themselves absolute masters of their territory, and any creature that enters this territory is considered fair game to be hunted and eaten. Most shadhavar have multiple lairs and hideouts scattered throughout their territories. Although they are fundamentally solitary and antisocial creatures, groups of shadhavar sometimes cooperate to bring down particularly powerful prey. They are also willing to ally with evil fey, evil outsiders, and other desert-dwelling monsters when such an alliance might allow them to defeat powerful beings of purity.
A shadhavar’s horn is often used in the construction of magical wind instruments and other magic items with sonic effects.
My feedback on Mark's Shadhavar.
SHADHAVAR II -- keep
hp =
AC =
Atk =
Dmg =
Prime Ability =
Saves +/=
Nice description and good write-up. I'm excited to check out the stats to see if they measure up. It's clear how to use this beast, and I can see straight combat or role-playing applications. Definitely seems to measure up to the real-world myth.
This creature is fast. Maybe too fast? Not really a big deal, but I did notice it. Seems odd to have magic circle against good both in aura and SLAs. Probably only needs to be in one. Two abilities, one of which is a mirror of the unicorn's (as is the magic circle), which makes sense but isn't really ground breaking. That said, beguiling music is a nice, solid ability and I really like that the horn does sonic damage.
I think this is really solid, even if there was maybe a missed opportunity to give us one more special ability (it is close to word count). Keep.
Thanks Jacob! I'm glad to have earned a keep. Your review hit on exactly the points I thought needed work myself.
I've got a bit of time before I have to get back to the academic grindstone, so let's see if I can pay it forward a bit!
Here was my monster - The carcharinax, an alien shark.
So it's a hybrid between a shark, a manta ray, and an electric ray - certainly works as an alien monster. I like the name. The descriptive line is succinct and doesn't assume it's location, so well done there.
BAB +3, Str +4, Weapon Focus (bite) +1, size -1 = +7 for the bite attack, not +8.
Electric jolt seems like this critter's Achilles heel: I don't know what type of action it is (free, swift, standard, etc.), it references a critical hit when it doesn't even need an attack roll, and despite the fact that it is this creature's signature attack it's not very sexy (just 1d8 electricity damage).
There are some aspects of the descriptive text that confuse me. If it's from another world, who "commonly" calls it a shocker shark (which is a weird name, at least to me)? I also don't like the note that it's shape is "similar to a hammerhead" - it seems like an easy out for actually describing it.
That being said, I like the part about it's breeding habits - that's some cool visual mojo.
I've got a bit of time before I have to get back to the academic grindstone, so let's see if I can pay it forward a bit!
Here was my monster - The carcharinax, an alien shark.So it's a hybrid between a shark, a manta ray, and an electric ray - certainly works as an alien monster. I like the name. The descriptive line is succinct and doesn't assume it's location, so well done there.
Thanks Nick. Add angler fish (using light to attract prey) and you are spot on for the general idea behind it.
BAB +3, Str +4, Weapon Focus (bite) +1, size -1 = +7 for the bite attack, not +8.
I forgot about the size modifier... Doh.
Electric jolt seems like this critter's Achilles heel: I don't know what type of action it is (free, swift, standard, etc.), it references a critical hit when it doesn't even need an attack roll, and despite the fact that it is this creature's signature attack it's not very sexy (just 1d8 electricity damage).
The idea was that the shark uses the electrical jolt as an AOE type attack to stun/kill smaller prey. I could have worked on it a bit more clearly for sure. When I get time I will rework it to make more sense.
There are some aspects of the descriptive text that confuse me. If it's from another world, who "commonly" calls it a shocker shark (which is a weird name, at least to me)?
That's what the indigenous sentient species on the same planet, and incidentally any other sentient species that have encountered it, call it. At least, that's what I would call an alien shark that electrocutes its prey. *wink*
I also don't like the note that it's shape is "similar to a hammerhead" - it seems like an easy out for actually describing it.
Yeah, I couldn't really figure out a better way to explain it without using the Wikipedia description to describe it's head. BTW hammerhead sharks are my favorite sharks.
That being said, I like the part about it's breeding habits - that's some cool visual mojo.
That part was something I just felt needed to be in it for some reason.
When I re-release the shark with all it's corrections and updates, it will also have stats for this shark to be an animal companion. I may even come up with a smaller animal from the same planet to be a familiar.
I'm a little late to the congratulation wagon (was a hectic weekend), but great job Nick!
The idea was that the shark uses the electrical jolt as an AOE type attack to stun/kill smaller prey. I could have worked on it a bit more clearly for sure. When I get time I will rework it to make more sense.
If I recall correctly, a lightning bolt when cast into/underwater results in a fireball area of effect rather than a bolt. I may be going back to pre pathfinder though, so definitely check up on that.
If I do recall correctly, I think it is most likely in a specific section about combat underwater, so might be worth checking ultimate combat, ultimate magic in addition to the core rules. If it is there, you can refer to underwater combat rules and so tidy up word count and rules very easily ;)
I'll go ahead and do an overview of kevin_video's dragonhide golem since no one has addressed it yet. (I noticed motteditor adopted my stat rundown for his critiques. I'll go ahead and use them for the monster CR comparison.)
hp -
AC +
Atk ++
Dmg ++
Prime Ability --
Saves --
While the basic statistics are all over the place for a creature of this CR, that's pretty much on par with other golems of the same CR, like the stone golem. A golem's immunities tend to make up for the poor saves. The lower than average hp that constructs receive can be balanced by a higher AC and the DR golems receive. However, damage output from its attacks is closer to a CR 14 creature. Given its resistances to energy, spellcasters are largely going to be reduced to support roles in a combat against it, leaving the melee PCs to wade in to hack it down, or fight it at range (which will be tough, since it can also fly, another big advantage over the average golem) and it has a huge movement rate. Just based on this section, I might consider a higher CR for the creature.
Looking at the special abilities, having a variable breath weapon as a swift action is huge. It can do that on top of a full attack action and deal out some pretty significant damage. Sure, you can have abjurations applied to resist or ignore damage, but usually when fighting a dragon you only have to worry about one; this has four. Only the low save for the ability keeps it from making this creature completely unbalanced for its CR. As an unintelligent monster, how does it choose which to use? Should it be randomly generated? Probably.
Thematically, the breath weapon and the fear aura make sense, being holdovers from the dragons from which the golem is crafted. Where I'm lost is the magic immunity entry. Why do fire and cold slow it, and electricity heal it? It is made of dragon flesh, and those are the special effects of a flesh golem, but that seems like a cop-out. Golems each have their own unique weaknesses based on the type of golem they are. This is an opportunity to get creative that was ignored, in my opinion.
Overall, I like the concept, but there were a few significant missteps in the execution.
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I'll go ahead and do an overview of kevin_video's dragonhide golem since no one has addressed it yet. (I noticed motteditor adopted my stat rundown for his critiques. I'll go ahead and use them for the monster CR comparison.)
I can answer why the golem is what it is:
- CR 11 build says between 37 and 50 damage. Average damage nails that.- Spellcasters can't do much against golems if SR is involved. No change there. Didn't think anything of it.
- Red and gold dragons are vulnerable to cold, white are vulnerable to fire. Slow made sense. I probably could have taken away the electricity healing aspect.
- Only having 700 words available made it hard to say what happened to the breath weapon. I took it under the assumption that it'd be the same as the construct traits, where you don't have to write out what exactly happens. I guess I was assuming too much.
Being mindless, they do nothing without orders from their creators. They follow instructions explicitly and are incapable of any strategy or tactics.
A golem’s creator can command it if the golem is within 60 feet and can see and hear its creator. If uncommanded, a golem usually follows its last instruction to the best of its ability, though if attacked it returns the attack. The creator can give the golem a simple command to govern its actions in his or her absence. The golem’s creator can order the golem to obey the commands of another person (who might in turn place the golem under someone else’s control, and so on), but the golem’s creator can always resume control over his creation by commanding the golem to obey him alone.
It's a learning process, that's for sure.
I am curious by what you meant when you said "the basic statistics are all over the place".
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I am curious by what you meant when you said "the basic statistics are all over the place".
My first section is basically looking at the average stats for a monster of that CR and comparing them to your monster. "+" means above average, "++" way above average, "-" below average, "--" way below average, "=" pretty much the same.
So, when I say the base statistics are all over the place, I'm talking about those. AC is high for its CR, and hp are low. (Like I said, this is pretty much on par for most golems. It's hard to get the hp up on a monster with no Constitution score, and golems tend to have higher ACs than normal.) Saves are way low, but again that's to be expected with average golem, given all poor saves and their traditionally low Dex, nonexistent Con, and typically average Wis.
As for damage output, you might want to run the numbers again. Average damage is the median damage output assuming all the monster's attacks hit. In the case of your dragonhide golem, I got an average damage output of 67 hp in a single round, which is significantly higher than the high of 50 listed for a CR 11 creature.
Bardess, here's feedback on your giant butterfly.
hp =
AC =
Atk =
Dmg =
Prime Ability =
Saves =/++/+
The basic statistics are pretty much spot-on down the line for a monster of this CR. There's a discrepancy between the damage bonus on the claw attacks and the creature's Str score (+2 dmg on claws, +3 mod for a 16 Str). Not sure I'd have given it such a high Dex either. Butterflies don't have the speed (reflected in the movement rate here, which is good) and agility of a lot of other flying insects. Charisma likewise is questionable. Granted, it is beautiful, but it is also mindless. Cha is not often the highest stat on something of the vermin type. I would have given it the scent ability, given that's the main way butterflies find food.
As for its pheromone ability, it's an effective defense, but not anything that you'd expect in a regular (albeit giant) butterfly. The colors of a butterfly/moth are their usual defense against predators. Some are also poisonous. Inflicting poison on a creature that attacks it with a bite attack would be a great way to emulate that natural ability. Likewise, butterflies don't have claws.
But Shadowborn, you say, this is Pathfinder. There are all sorts of strange and arcane things in this game. Yes, that's true. However, every giant insect in the game has abilities that are common to its smaller cousins. When you go beyond that, you're essentially making a magical beast, which I think would have been the way to go here. Make it a servant of Desna, give it cool abilities above and beyond that of a normal butterfly/moth. I think one of the reasons butterflies and moths haven't been done before is because they have no natural means of offense. When they have been done, they've been turned into something else with a butterfly/moth form (the gloomwing, for example.) While a butterfly familiar/animal companion is a cool flavor thing for the game, I think it's too niche as an entry.
My question to bardess: out of all that hundreds of wishes, why a big butterfly?
Because I would love such a familiar if I were a wizard, and I would love to fly in the sky riding one if I were a druid!
I used the already existing stats for giant insects, butterfly swarms and butterfly-shaped monsters as my guidelines. As you said, the main problem is that real-world butterflies have no means of attack. I still don't give up my hope to have one in the game one day. ^_^
Here's my entry Bewitched Orchid for anyone who's interested. No need for detailed feedback, since it was a bit rushed and lacks some balance/polish passes.
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RPG Superstar 2014 Top 4, RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32
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Nick's interview! Thanks again for the interview!
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RPG Superstar 2014 Top 4, RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32
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Aaand the first of the runner-up interviews: Joe Kondrak
I am enjoying the interviews Mikko :)
I was about to post my critter when I realized a) this machine has a very different way of counting words than my home machine, or b) I did not save the critter actually submitted (at least not to my jump drive), or c) I was WAY over word count.
As the most embarrassing and least professional of those options I guess it was c. Sorry to do that to you judges. :(
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RPG Superstar 2014 Top 4, RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32
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@Curaigh: Glad to hear that! :)
We didn't have an official word count tool, and I don't think we auto-DQ'd anyone for being slightly over word count. There may have been a number of entries that were way over word count, though.
Anyways, here's the interview with Douglas Schaub!
@kevin_video: I'll try to find the time to go through my notes and paraphrase my comments into a more useful format. Sorry to have kept you waiting!
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RPG Superstar 2014 Top 4, RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32
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And here's the interview with Mike Welham!
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RPG Superstar 2014 Top 4, RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32
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And the last Here Be Monsters interview: Wendall Roy
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RPG Superstar 2014 Top 4, RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32
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I'm planning to write a series of articles on monster design based on my observations while judging the entries in Here Be Monsters. The first article will be about the intro / description line, and I'll go through the different parts of the stat block, abilities, and finally the write-up in the later articles.
Stay tuned!