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I hate to distract everyone from their turgid discussions of categorical imperatives or whatever silly political nonsense that passes for debate on the internet (noticed the Ukraine thread, didn't go in, but bet that is super friendly discussion) but I have something important to discuss.
Upon my recent rewatch of the Peter Jackson LOTR and Hobbit, it struck me: they are the worst examples of RPG playing I have ever seen in my life. Controversial opinion? Maybe. But I stand by this and I believe it's more important than any of this other petty off topic nonsense.
This is serious! A vast majority of Tabletop is based on the writings of JRR Tolkien and in a way, the whole of RPGs as we know them today owe their existence to HG Wells and Tolkien. This is huge! Our very hobby may be based on a lie! The image the a stereo type party build from LOTR (Pally, Fighter, Ranger, Wizard, Rogue) is in jeopardy! The whole of dungeon delving from the Hobbit is in the balance!
1) No healer- A wizard who knows some healing spells is nice, an actual healer would be better. Dude, I know it's hard to get your girlfriend to come to game but Aragorn, dude, a simple "Arwen do you want to come" would've been nice. But the in game excuse is even worse: "I would come but by Dad is totally being a d-bag right now."
2) They split the party. Like a lot. Like all the time. They split the party so much that it's kind of surprising they don't just say "I'll see you at the dragon." In fact at one point Gandalf more or less says "I got stuff, ciao." Leaving his party to more or less take on an entire open air dungeon by themselves. At least give your sheet to the DM so he can NPC it for you!
3) Everyone is useless except the Rogues. How is that possible? Halflings in Middle Earth have amazing Stealth checks. Amazing! Bilbo fools an Elder Dragon, then his flaming pine cone dex rolls against wargs always land, and his arkenstone perception checks are astounding. Other than Bard's crit (who is strangely a ranger and not a Bard) against the dragon why did anyone else show up? Halflings Rogues are banned from all further Middle Earth games for being OP.
4) Halflings are shown incredible favoritism! This is more on the DM but let's face it, there are shenanigans going on. They get decked out out in boss magic items (Elven Short Sword of Orc Slaying, Magic Ring of stealth, Mithril shirts, Enchanted Cloaks with stealth bonuses, magic rope!). Everyone else by comparison is woefully under equipped. Other than Legolas' True Shot Bow, nobody gets cool equipment. Hell, even the damn wizards keep losing his staff. All plot points in the campaign revolve around halflings, all the campaign achievements are focused on Halflings (although in LOTR that's more the party's fault for deciding to split.
5) Way too many combats! God, do some role playing for once. Might as well rename it Lord of The Charisma Dump Stat!
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*Looks in*
Get out you daft Catholic nutter!
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im sorry i forgot where exactly tolkien said he based all his books on RPGs of the times, because ya know there were so so many then:)
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Someone was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay ahead of you, man.
Part IX has me laughing so hard I'm actually crying.
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I cannot hate on any thread that uses the words, "Get out you daft Catholic nutter!"
Now I have to fit that into tonight's game.
It's Wrath of the Righteous. It shouldn't be hard...
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5) Way too many combats! God, do some role playing for once. Might as well rename it Lord of The Charisma Dump Stat!
The answer to that one is: read the books.
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5) Way too many combats! God, do some role playing for once. Might as well rename it Lord of The Charisma Dump Stat!The answer to that one is: read the books.
If you can.
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If you can.5) Way too many combats! God, do some role playing for once. Might as well rename it Lord of The Charisma Dump Stat!The answer to that one is: read the books.
.
The average american high school graduate doesn't have the reading skill level to read these novels.
But, they do have the movies and video games.
.
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I am kind of amused that he talks about how RPGs are based the lie of Tolkien and then bases his whole argument on Peter Jackson.5) Way too many combats! God, do some role playing for once. Might as well rename it Lord of The Charisma Dump Stat!The answer to that one is: read the books.
Please tell me no one in this thread is taking this seriously.
This is the same guy who wrote the (hilarious) fantasy football post. Enjoy the humor, guys.
I am kind of amused that he talks about how RPGs are based the lie of Tolkien and then bases his whole argument on Peter Jackson.5) Way too many combats! God, do some role playing for once. Might as well rename it Lord of The Charisma Dump Stat!The answer to that one is: read the books.Please tell me no one in this thread is taking this seriously.
This is the same guy who wrote the (hilarious) fantasy football post. Enjoy the humor, guys.
Now I can only picture some poor graduate student writing up a thesis from these boards...
After all, anyone who hates hobbits can't be all bad.
Sometimes I wish I could use this as a signature tag.
Obviously I have struck a cord with some of you, I understand what you're saying, I do, but I believe wholeheartedly that our hobby is based on lies. LIES! These madmen have perpetuated a fantasy of our fantasy and the truth will out damn you! The Middle Earth campaigns are shoddy, shoddy RPGing at it's shoddiest! Also, FYI, unsure of what the word shoddy means
Also, one more point: look at how huge the parties are in those stories. 13 Dwarves, Fellowship of Nine? Madness. Who plays games that big? What is this, Gencon? No wonder Boromir dies so quick, typical convention tactics of party whittling! The only reason you should game with more than six at a time is if you're VTM LARPing and then at least two of those have to be girls.
And why 13 dwarves? What is this, a fetish video?
Also, Boromir died and then some other guy jumps in as Boromir's "brother" Faramir? God, real creative re-roll you stupid jerk. Who let that guy back to the table? There are at least six other people waiting to get into that spot...you already died! Go away!
im sorry i forgot where exactly tolkien said he based all his books on RPGs of the times, because ya know there were so so many then:)
Well, that sounds like sloppy work on Tolkien's part. He should work harder on his next book.
After all, anyone who hates hobbits can't be all bad.Sometimes I wish I could use this as a signature tag.
Hobbits disgust me, is that racist? Maybe but I stand by my beliefs. The whole of LOTR is one long attempt to use propaganda to oppress the noble Orc peoples. Uruk Hai! No justice no peace!
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Damn you Cursor! *Shakes fist*
Yes, this battle falls to me you old ponce! This war shall never end!
A famous devout catholic British author who helped create the high fantasy genre so he could express his Christian faith as a battle between good and evil who has been dead since the early 70s locked in an endless struggle with a random guy on the internet who may or may not be eating cold pizza in his underwear as he types this.
Fool, you never stood a chance!
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Now I can only picture some poor graduate student writing up a thesis from these boards...I am kind of amused that he talks about how RPGs are based the lie of Tolkien and then bases his whole argument on Peter Jackson.5) Way too many combats! God, do some role playing for once. Might as well rename it Lord of The Charisma Dump Stat!The answer to that one is: read the books.Please tell me no one in this thread is taking this seriously.
This is the same guy who wrote the (hilarious) fantasy football post. Enjoy the humor, guys.
"Mr. Smith, this term paper is not sufficient to cover your English requirement I am afraid I have to fail you...also, based on this paper I am worried you may have schizophrenia."
Hobbits disgust me, is that racist? Maybe but I stand by my beliefs. The whole of LOTR is one long attempt to use propaganda to oppress the noble Orc peoples. Uruk Hai! No justice no peace!
You're pro-orc, yet completely ignore the oppression, suffering, and slaughter of the proud goblin peoples?! You ignore it's blatant depiction as humorous and ennobling for Tolkien's "protagonists"? You're as bad as the blasted pinkskins!
{rubs up against thecursor} There! Perhaps the fleas and mange I just gave you will engender some small touch of empathy for us gobs. Smug catnip-fiend internet hipster...
Hobbits disgust me, is that racist? Maybe but I stand by my beliefs. The whole of LOTR is one long attempt to use propaganda to oppress the noble Orc peoples. Uruk Hai! No justice no peace!You're pro-orc, yet completely ignore the oppression, suffering, and slaughter of the proud goblin peoples?! You ignore it's blatant depiction as humorous and ennobling for Tolkien's "protagonists"? You're as bad as the blasted pinkskins!
{rubs up against thecursor} There! Perhaps the fleas and mange I just gave you will engender some small touch of empathy for us gobs. Smug catnip-fiend internet hipster...
Hey! Some of my best friends are goblins. There's a goblin at my place of work, sure he sweeps the floors but we gave him a good empowering job for ten fifty an hour.
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Everyone knows goblins are just degenerate elves.
{makes a wish that Rob Liefield will bioengineer all Krensky's descendants' feet}
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Everyone knows goblins are just degenerate elves.{makes a wish that Rob Liefield will bioengineer all Krensky's descendants' feet}
That's horrible. You're horrible.
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Pro orc? Or maybe porc for short? :-)
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You know that orc is sometimes spelled ork?
One of my beloved tidbits from Birthright. Cerilian dwarves had a cultural taboo against eating pork because pig snout resemblef the face of their greatest enemy, orogs (deep orcs).
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thecursor is quickly becoming my favorite waggish poster.
After all, anyone who hates hobbits can't be all bad.Hobbits disgust me, is that racist? Maybe but I stand by my beliefs. The whole of LOTR is one long attempt to use propaganda to oppress the noble Orc peoples. Uruk Hai! No justice no peace!
There are many >problems with Dwarves< too.
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Whoa, dude, look at your feet!
People have feet in a Liefield universe? I thought they just kind of faded into two misty blobs of ambiguity...
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Someone was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay ahead of you, man.
*5 Hours Later*
.... BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
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On a side note I would like to chuckle a little about Liefield's status as a "successful" comic artist. The names of comic's great artists are a who's who of classically trained illustrators: Kirby, Ditko, Simon, The Three Kuberts, Frazetta, Cho, Adams, Lee, Perez, Ross.
And then waaaaaay at the back is this frat boy looking dork who can't draw feet.
Damn! Can't beat funny Nazis! You win this round old man!
I'd be pretty damned annoyed if every single time I went to town and bought new stuff, it was lost in the next chapter. I'd be even more annoyed if the "wizard" used a sword more than spells.
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I'd be pretty damned annoyed if every single time I went to town and bought new stuff, it was lost in the next chapter. I'd be even more annoyed if the "wizard" used a sword more than spells.
Now I want to write a full set of sword spells so I could build a sword-casting wizard...