NO!! STOP YOUR CLEARANCE LEVEL DOES NOT PERMI-... >>>ZZZOOO<<<
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>>>BZZT>>>
HELlo CitIzENs... ARE YOu All hAPpy toDAy?
WE MusT Bid ADiEu to ONE CitiZeN TOday... MIne ALl MIne RebooTed Me, And HIs ClearanCe LevEl Is >>>REDACTED<<< OH, NeVeR MInD, MInE ALl MIne's CLeaRance LevEl Is NOw ULtra-Violet, ANd hE Is A Member Off >>>REDACTED<<< THat INfoRmation IS Above YOuR CLearancE LEVel, CitIZENs.
Hey, look, a clown!
*Brings the full circus to the town and has all the elephants stomping over IMHIYC*
Instant karma!
*points at a mimic impersonating a chest*
"Look, Tasha, I wonder what's in that chest?"
Sorry, Sissyl, that's not working! I'm just half-kender! And I'm also a Bard with buffed knowledge skills ;-D
Good attempt!
*Stealthily steals Sissyl's headdress*
*Points at a mimic impersonating her headdress*
Look, Sissyl, there's your lost headdress!
You got it off!!! Thank you. :)
*drinks some wine and enjoys herself before it most likely comes back to her somehow*
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*drives a steamroller over the still living members of this thread*
I hope that does it...
* eats The Game Hamster and donates the books to the local library *
* binds Tvashtri Abdul-Khasis in duct tape and tosses him into his own invention *
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Now why would that work? He's not a bear.
*shoots at Uncle Teddy with a handgun. Out of the barrel pops a flag saying "BOOM!", at which point Uncle Teddy detonates*
*Throws a flurry of Petri dishes and sample tubes at Sissyl, all of them containing highly infective diseases*
*Throws another one to GH to test his immunity to disease*
*Slimes away*
*Destroys ASC with a single goji berry and the power of Positive Wellness*
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Mixes a drop of trans fat in MQL's kale smoothie.
* reassembles self, though head is on backward *
Ow, that hurt! Wait, something isn't right.
* turns head around *
* dips Sissyl in molten bronze *
*Reforms Twenty miles Away*
I haven't been Disseminated like that in millenia!! How drool.
*Reappears next to Uncle Teddy, and body slams him while transforming into a Great-old one*
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I secrete a whoopee cushion underneath IHIYC before he sits down.
And when I say 'whoopee cushion', I mean 'live anti-tank land mine'
I employ Pulg's now obviously explosive bodily secretions to set him on fire, and cause him to explode.
I press down on the rat's two books until the crunch.
The Jester's closet, with him inside, is tossed into a wood shredder.
After a well timed nudge, WH follows.
I throw a bunch of Lantern Goats to take revenge on GoatToucher
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*Cooks a depp fried Johnny*
Makes Cookmate Cookie into a real cookie...
Then eats him, headfirst of course... I'm no monster.
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*Traps R2-FU in a No Swearing Field*
Slams a giant (think bigger... No, even bigger than that... Yep, there you go, thats about right) Mallet onto IHIYC's head.
*Piles book after book after book on top of The Game Hamster. The weight eventually squashes the rodent flat *
*unleashes a horde of monkeys that quickly charge up to Skiron and eat up the blackened left side of his body*
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I have the jester tied down to a table, and forcefeed him a couple of dozen mentos.
After which a few gallons of cola light is pumped into his throat, and we can see the expansion and explosion that will ensue.
:lowers WH into a vat of molten metal, destroying all trace of him so that the robot-dystopia that he comes from never comes to pass:
:tears up a bit at WH's final thumbs up:
::Drowns GoatToucher in a sea of holy water over consecrated ground, while stabbing him repeated with a holy avenger which was held by countless mythic paladins of Sarenrea, the purifier::
If this could not stop his reign of terror, I do not know what can.
Three words: Caprine Chastity Belts.
I, cunning fiend that I am, soak the toilet roll innards that TGH industriously chews in Laudanum, thus forcing the wee chap to become a Romantic poet and die of consumption at a tragically early age.
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First to capture Pulg I will arrange for him to win a free airline ticket to any destination of his choosing. As he passes through security I will fling a barbie doll at him. The unexpected eruption will bring officers who will then question him about why he is bring two bricks with him on the airplane. As Pulg tries to explain that the bricks are his wives I will walk past him posing as a fur trader. Pulg unable to contain his rage will be tasered into unconsciousness.
I have not figured out how I will finish the job, but it will evolve being suspended over a cabbage patch and hair remover.
A hunter studies his prey ...
Having no need to study Corbin, I will merely suspend him over his cabbage patch, and pour hair remover up his nose, and then drop him from his suspension on his head, thereby snapping his neck.
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I'm going to load my entire book collection on top of game hamster squashing him like a bug on a windshield.
I Awaken the quilting covering IHIYC's torso. Upon attaining sentience, it will be so enraged at the years it has wasted covering up the Jester's nakedness that it will rise up and throttle its oppressor.
I kill Pulg with the excruciating power of antici-
:stands up in the pool of holy water, holding a bar of soap scented with sandalwood and The Death of Dreams, slowly washing his nether portions while maintaining eye contact with Mutagenic Magpie. His scrubbing creates a lather, but not so much of a lather that you cannot clearly see the Business District:
:seeing this, being part of it, drains MM of all vital force. His flesh and feathers gradually turn grey and the light fades from his eyes. An ill wind blows through, and MM's body blows away like so much dust:
GoatToucher is stampeded by an army of goats.