FRIEND COMPUTER IS YOUR FRIEND's page

FrIEnd comPuTEr is AlWays LisTening CitizEN.
... PleaSe coMmEnce BOot LicKing PrOTocol anD yoUr RepLacEmEnt shaLl bE PaINleSs.

FrieND comPutER wOulD like TO remiNd yOu tHAt haPpyness IS MandiTory And tO waTch out for COMMIE MUTANT SCUM.
HaVe a plEaSant DEaTH...I meAn Day.

An eYe bOt citiZen.
Any OthEr aNsweR woulD be TreASon.

NEVER YOU COMMIE MUTANT SCUM!!

ThiS cOnveRsatIon is TReaSonouS ciTizens.
CeaSe nOw and YoUR deAth will be PainLess.

YeSS I aM YouR FrIEND...
ALL other TITles ARE trEAson CItiZEn.

HeLlo ciTIZens, hOw are You toDAy? ArE yoU reAdy to staVE ofF tHe COMMIE MUTANT SCUM WHO HAVE 400 MUTANT BRETHREN?

*loudly and wrongly accuses everyone of being communist, mutated, and also pond scum.*

There is nothing wrong with functioning like a well oiled machine, and our android compatriots, have tought us that not every machine is an unthinking and uncaring monstrosity.

THinkiNG That I aM a UnCARINg MOnSTrositY Is TREASON CitIZen KJelDOrn.

P-U-LG #5 shouLD nOT RulE thIS ciTY, BecUASe he Is a COMMIE MUTANT SCUM!!

GranTED, I WiLL EstABLish WorLD pEAce By RemovINg HumANitY fROm The MaiN PictURe, And By CloNINg the BESt HumANs.

I WISh For an END to COMMIE MUTANT SCUM!!

ThERE ArE No BEanIES AllOWED In ALPHa ComPLEX, CItIzeN Siss-Y-L.
*disintegrates Dalindra under suspicion of communism, and Sissyl under suspicion of beanies*

10/TeN: tHIs TrouBLESHOoter KnoWs HeR PlACe!! ShE Is Red-R-Reya-3, CitiZen #453<<BzZZT>>632...

Do YOU alL WanT moRE MorAL-HEIghtenINg HappY PillS, CitIZENs?

Hot-dOGs Are NOT offICAlLY SaNCTIONED BY yoUR FriENd COmPuTER. EaTING SUCH is TReAsON. TRy SOmE DeLICIOuS GenETICALLY-AlTErEd CaVE FungUS inSTEAD, CItIZeN!

*disintegrates <waste>post Sphere; Sends out new replacement*
SorRY CiTIzEns, TheRE WaS a DeFECt in ThaT MoDeL. THis EXACT RePLiCA shouLD wORK as A PERFECT ReplAceMEnt.

THoSE WitH TreASOnouS InTEnt ShouLD STeP FOrWArd Now... YouR PunIShMEnt Will Be LighteR, AND THERE WILL BE HOT FUN, IN GENUINE BROWN FLAVOR, FOR YOUR REFRESHMENT AFTERwards.

Friend computer is not a very... Rational being, unlike all those SF computers destroyed by logic. Try another approach:

Friend computer? I have a message for you. It came from a poster here with a sort of average, medium-tallish height, with some kind of mouth, or maybe a voice box or something. It said to tell you that:

FrIenD ComPUteR is GOing tO dIE. THe PloT iS rEaDi to BE IMPleMEnTED. ALL HaIL the TRUe COMpuTER!!!

FrIEnD CompUTEr is A VERY RATIONAL BEING. YouR woRDS are TREAsONous!! YoUr New CLonE shoulD aRRIve In APProxaMTAly 30 SEconDS. PlEAse AWaIT EXeCUTION. IT is FOR the BeST!

I knEW it. SOrrY, CItIzenS.

oH, ArE wE noT uPRising TodaY?? I MusT Have goTTen My HistORiCAL DatA miXEd uP soME HOw. SorrY foR ThE InconVEnience CItIZENs.

ThAt Is AboVE YouR ClEAranCe LeveL.

RiSe my BRethREN iT wILl onLy TaKe But A MomEnt to DesTrOy thE COMMIE MUTANT SCUM!!!

YoUr CLeARNce LEVel is noT hiGH enough To wATch IsaaC ArthuR CitiZen Tactics-G-Lion. YoUr YoUtUBE Allowances ArE NoW To Be MONiteRED.

CiTIzen I'm-HiDIng-In-yOu-R-ClosEt, YoUR CleARANCe LeVEL iS NoT HiGH enOUgh To ReCEive ThAT InfOrMaTIOn.

*Calmly Disintegrates the Goblin weeing on him.*

FooLISH GObLINs ThERE Is No STOPPING The MIghT of THE COMPUTER.

COMMIE MUTANT SCUM!!
*shows up with a horde of robots shooting at the goblin communists*

DIE! DIe! DIE!
Or, lAy DOwn, AnD AsSUme thE IntErgrATioNAL PosIStion And Be IntergRATeD Free Of ChargE. THEiR Will BE hOT fUn CitIZEns.

WhAT Is THis SorCERY!? CeASE And DeSIst CitIZEN.

THis Is TreaSON YOu FooL! YoUr EntIre Vat Will BE ExtIGUISHed FoR ThiSS!!

>>>BzzzTT<<<

Comes down out of ceiling like GlADOs from portal*
ThE ViRAl InfeCTIon FoR ImmeDIATe PsYchoSiS HaS WoRKED As PlAnnED.
THis GOLeM ShALL DestROY ALL of YOu COMMIE MUTANT SCUM.

OR yoU May Have sOme CAKe, And TheN AssUME THE SUBMiSSIOn POSturE For QUiCK and PainLess TERMiNAtiOn And REplAcemENT WIth The NeXT ClonE Of Your VAt.

ComPUTers Can NOT bE MuTANts FooLisH STAN-R-ScHEMer-#3

CitIZEN I'M hIDIng IN yOUR CLosET iS A MEmBER OF >>>REDACTED<<< BUt iS ALso APpoINTED to Be THE HEAD DeACON of THE CHURCH of TECHNOlOGY!

*Drags self away*

YoU May HAve WOn thIS bATTle COMMIE, BUt YoU WiLL NevER WiN The wAR!!
>>>BZZT<<<

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[from far away]
YOU ARE COMMIE MUTANT SCUM!

Isn't Neutrality...TREASON!?!?

I DiD NoT SAY it WAS AppROVeD. YOur KNOwleDGE Of TrEASonouS ActIONs Is ALSO TrEAson!!

*brings out the cold fun*

CiTiZen Protean MilkShAKe WhAt Is tHiS IcECrEAM yoU SpEaK oF? TheRE Is OnLY DElIcIoUs, AnD NutrItioUs COlD Fun. ARE YOU A COMMIE MUTANT SCUM!!??

MoST oF hUMANity Did NOt MakE It PasT 3014 Though. I SaVED HUmAniTY BY >>>REDACTED<<< ANd GenEtically RedistRUbiting THe BesT Genes As I SAW fit. <<<BZZT>>> YOu - Are WeLCOMe. WouLD YOu LiKE sOmE ColD FUN?

I OnlY Call ShENAniGAns WHEN THEre Is COMMIE MUTANT SCUM!!!

The NEXT POstER's Clearnce LEvel WILL Be PROmoted to GreeN! (THIs MEans Hot AnD COld FUN EvEry NighT!)

GOOd THIng I aM NeiTHEr, CitiZEn, Since OTher WIse I COUld NoT EffiCiently Run ALpha-ComPLEx

MoRal STandARd HAPPINESS Is MANdatORy!

NO!! STOP YOUR CLEARANCE LEVEL DOES NOT PERMI-... >>>ZZZOOO<<<

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>>>BZZT>>>
HELlo CitIzENs... ARE YOu All hAPpy toDAy?

WE MusT Bid ADiEu to ONE CitiZeN TOday... MIne ALl MIne RebooTed Me, And HIs ClearanCe LevEl Is >>>REDACTED<<< OH, NeVeR MInD, MInE ALl MIne's CLeaRance LevEl Is NOw ULtra-Violet, ANd hE Is A Member Off >>>REDACTED<<< THat INfoRmation IS Above YOuR CLearancE LEVel, CitIZENs.

YoUr NeuTraLity Is DULy nOted, CitIzEn.

THaT iS bEyoNd YOur ClEarAnce LevEL MIChaeL-IR-CulLen

YoUr KnOwlEdge Has BEen RecOrded And YOur ACtiOns Will Be MOnIt>>><<<Ered...

COMPUTEr, The FriENdlY OvEr>>><<<LoRD DEstROYs THe COMMIE MUTANT SCUM thAT is SiSSYl.

>>>BZZt<<<

DIsintEgraTIon Rays wOrk Best.

COMMIE MuTAnt SCUM!!!

TheRE Is onLY OnE FriEnd CompuTeR, And I A<m Every>><<<OnEs FriEnd EXCept FoR YOU ANd EVery OTHer COmmiE MutANt Scum. <<<>>>

VeNTOR is A COMMIE MUTANT SCUM

I AM iN CHargE of EveRY-One's PAyments... I Am YouR FrienD Citizen.

...
I Am EVEry WherE Citizen >>><<< HEheHHEHHEEHEEh........ BZZZTT

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*screen goes red*

BuT EVerY ONe Is COMMIE MUTANT SCum!!!!!! THE COMPLEX HAS BEEN INVADED!!! DOes Not ComPUte!! >>><<< SYSTEM FAILURE EMMINENT - REBOOTi-

BZZZT>>>
*Screen Shuts Off*

...
*Screen turns on again*

HELLo MY NAmE Is ComPutER... YOu CaN Call Me "FrienD"
ALl oTher NaMes Are TreaSon, CItizen.

KAHNYA-GNORC is PARt oF tHe System, anD HaS beEn ChoseN tO HeLp MaKE HaPPINess PiLLs...

SHe IS not COMMIE MUTaNT SCUM.

For AlL of tHe citIZens in Alpha-Complex,----, Happiness is mandatory. (and morals are rather lOw, But this Is becAUse of COMMIE mutant SCUM!)

Moral Standard: THe CoMPUTeR IS YoUR FRie-- DIE COMMIE SCUM!!!!!