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266. The local clergy have been quite irate as of yet and have taken to drinking out their bitterness. For many years they've lived under a code of conduct that was the result of a mistranslation of their holy texts. You see, the word was actually celebrate!
267. There's a Demoknight in the bar!
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268. An argument about whether the Great Prophet had meant "paradise will never happen", or "if you shoot enough pigs from catapults, you will have paradise", takes a turn for the worse.
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269. AN argument gets out of hand when a group of knights start fighting over the applications of a large wooden badger.
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270. Argument, academic (roll 1d4)
1. Nature vs. Nurture
2. Epistemological Wars: Rationalism vs. Empiricism
3.How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Role Pop?
4. How many angels can dance on the end of a pin?
The obvious one:
271: There was no tavern brawl on.
The obvious one:
271: There was no tavern brawl on.
Someone does not try to brawl the tavern. They realize that that would be impossible. Instead, they realize the truth- there IS no tavern.
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272. Someone tells the Barbarian that "There is no spoon" but he is holding the spoon and says so, loudly, with force.
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273. It's rainin' outside, and nobody likes fightin' in the rain.
274. It's rainin' outside, and last time we fought with umbrellas, somebody got an eye poked out.
275. It's rainin' outside, and normally it wouldn't matter. But there's this weird lady out there singin' about singin' in the rain. It creeps us out.
276. Chicken fight
277. Accusations of alcoholic beverage copyright infringement.
278. Chicken fight over said accusations.
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279. The cat-calling thug wouldn't apologize to the buxom barwench despite the cavalier's insistence.
280. He did, but then the buxom barwench dumped a tankard of ale over his head anyway.
281. The buxom barwench knocked out the cavalier with the tankard for messing with her admirer.
282. The buxom barwench set the cavalier and the thug at each other's throats to create a distraction for her nabbing the money in the chest in the office.
283. ...which was of course a plan engineered by the mimic that posed as a treasure chest in the office, aiming to eat the buxom barwench.
285. Someone tried to tease the dwarf by slicing a lock off of his beard.
285. Someone tried to tease the dwarf by slicing a lock off of his beard.
286. Someone tried to tease the elf by slicing off a chunk of his ear.
287. A bard gets into a loud argument about Charisma versus Comeliness. It ends like similar discussions tend to do.
288. A succubus walks into the tavern and offers to wrestle anyone for coin. Everyone wants to go first. Violence ensures.
289. An argument about who slayed the bigger threat, a baby dragon or a vampire, ensues. It actually ends peacefully for once, but then one of the bar patrons boos at the sissy ending and throws a chair and here we go again.
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290. Someone says Clara is better than Rose.
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290. Someone says Clara is better than Rose.
291. Someone asks who Clara and Rose are.
292. Clara soundly whups Rose's behind in an armwrestling competition.
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294. Someone rings a bell and the bald barbarian begins humming "Pop Goes the Weasel" while rising menacingly to his feet
295. A disembodied voice cries out "FIGHT!" as the room darkens. The word actually appears in the air. Suddenly techno music begins playing...
296. It's Whitefish Wednesday and all they have is eel
297. "I'm so glad Firefly got cancelled; Whedon's a hack!"
298. The town drunk just spotted the temperance nuns; three of them are using a prayer circle to block the bar while the fourth, behind the rail, brandishes an axe
299. Necromancy
300. The bar is filled with younglings and a pansy with a glowing sword and a rat tail is standing in the doorway
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300...bravo, sir. Bravo.
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301. We do not allow miners in this establishment.
302. We do not allow mass murderers, grave plunderers, tax evaders, vigilantes, wanted fugitives, or people who frequent prostitutes in this establishment.
303. We do not allow orcs, even half ones, in this establishment.
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304. A Hungry Ghost Monk comes into the bar with a thirst that cannot be quenched by ale....
305. A patron complained of a fly in their soup, and now everyone wants one.
306. There's a Baatezu at one table...and a Tanar'ri at another table...and a Wizards of the Coast lawyer at a third table telling the barkeep he's not allowed to serve them since it's a Paizo bar.
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307. Granny is going to prove she's not lost her touch of being a brawling champion.
308. Everybody else in the joint is some kind of horrible human-eating shapeshifter, and they decide YOU are the next thing on the menu.
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309. There's two Sylphs in the bar that haven't seen each other before. Hijinks ensue.
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310. It's New Years!
311. My new years resolution is to PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE!
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312. "Why does your wand of sound burst go up to eleven? Why don't you just make ten the top number and make ten be a little louder?"
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313. "HEY, this is OUR abandoned tavern with which we do our forbidden, dark, and vaguely unhygienic rituals, NOT YOURS!"
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315. Everybody's got good health insurance.
316. A large group of demon cultists barges in to the taproom. There, on the floor, their leader draws a pentagram in his own blood and does what he needs to summon a DEMON!!! Only, when the demon appears, it is tiny, cuddly and has huge eyes, saying mostly "coo". Rather than an orgy of destruction, the whole room erupts in laughter.
317. So the princess is in disguise with her overprotective knightly bodyguard and some drunk slaps her rump...you know the drill by now.
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318. So the princess is in disguise without her overprotective knightly bodyguard, some drunk slaps her rump, and she Sparta Kicks him out the front window.
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319. MagusJanus unleashed the Tarrasque again.
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320. A visiting wizard has replaced the missing head of his stone golem companion with the head from the statue of the town hero.
322. A visiting wizard has replaced the missing head of his iron golem companion with a baffling and ugly (read, locally much beloved) piece of abstract sculpture.
323. A visiting cleric has... well, he didn't actually have to do much to get his clay golem companion to start the brawl.
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325. Manchester United lost again.
326. I caused Manchester United to lose by unleashing the Tarrasque again.
327. A drunkard mistakes the gnome for a potted plant and isn't willing to head all the way to the privy.
328. Too many beans and too little empathy.
329. Too many barbarians, too little beer left.
330. Too much water, the bar gets a 7.8/10.
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301. We do not allow miners in this establishment.
301a.
And a bunch of thirsty dwarves walk in.
