Walking Stick of Concealed Thaumaturgy

[GreySector]

Walking Stick of Concealed Thaumaturgy
Aura moderate transmutation and illusion; CL 7th
Slot none; Price 7,150 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
This nondescript greenwood walking stick appears to be a normal sword cane, but it conceals something other than sharpened steel. Removing the head of a walking stick of concealed thaumaturgy (a swift action) reveals a hollow of the appropriate size and shape to hold a wand. Once a magical wand is inserted into this hollow and the walking stick’s head is replaced (each a move action that provokes attacks of opportunity) the wielder of the walking stick may cast spells from the wand as if he were wielding it. When the wielder of a walking stick of concealed thaumaturgy casts a spell from the wand stored in the walking stick he may spend extra charges from the wand to use the following abilities either singly or in any combination:

• Cast a spell from the wand without speaking its command word. This does not affect the DC of Use Magic Device checks to cast a spell from the wand, the action required to cast a spell from the wand, or the requirements to cast a spell from the wand (1 extra charge).
  
• Cast a spell from the wand without any visual or audible effect that the spell would normally create. Spells that rely on these effects to function—such as color spray or sound burst—will not function if affected by this ability (1 extra charge per spell level).
  
• Spend a swift action to have the walking stick of concealed thaumaturgy maintain concentration on a spell cast from the wand. The wielder may choose each round whether to use this ability or to resume concentration (1 extra charge per round).

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, invisibility, sculpt sound; Cost 3,650 gp

[Sean K Reynolds]

Power 1 is basically a silent metamagic rod effect added to the wand.

The concentration-proxy effect is pretty handy.

[Wolfgang Baur]

A way to conceal a wand in a sword cane? Heck yeah, neat idea! It's a magical scabbard for wands, sort of.

The silent metamagic... Hm. Interesting. Improves the versatility, and makes this more than a rod or staff. The point of this item is to improve a wand's value to the user, as some other items we've looked at increase the value of armor. I guess it is a wondrous item, but I see the problem.

I'm inclined to give this a keep, despite Clark's concerns about its wondrous-ness.

[Clark Peterson]

OK, you two like this one better than I do, that's for sure. This is one of the few we disagree about in the top 32. Boy, I'm not sure this is a wondrous item. I'm not sure it isnt a rod or a staff. But then again, its a walking stick that holds a wand. That sort of treads on the idea of rods. I dont think a superstar runs the risk of their item not being called a wondrous item. Also, much like the ioun stone trick, this one gains much of its awesomeness by the other thing you put inside of it. I really think a superstar item stands on its own. Plus, invisibility and sculpt sound? That said, there is creativity here and while I dont think it is as strong as our other top items, I see why you guys wanted to keep it around. Good luck!

[Steve Miller]

Excellent work. A walking stick to increase the effectiveness of wands. It’s so good, that the price may be a little low.

[Mike Welham]

Welcome to the Top 32, greysector!

I like the way you took the idea of the hidden sword in a sword cane and turned it into a hidden wand in a "wand cane." It might still arouse some suspicion in NPCs who are used to sword canes. I really like the first two abilities, since they apply directly to the concept of concealed thaumaturgy. I'm not entirely sold on the "maintaining concentration" ability as thematic, but I imagine an argument could be made for it. Still, it doesn't detract from the item for me.

Great work and best of luck to you in future rounds!

[Tom Phillips]

First of all, congratulations on making the Top 32! That in itself is a major accomplishment and it’s something you should take great pride in. You rock!

You can tell a lot of serious thought went into the design of this sword cane / wand-holder / rod-like item. It certainly straddles the fence between a rod and a wondrous item, but I think you pulled it off with the clever way you turned this thing into a wand-enhancing item. Though I'm not 100% behind this item, the writing is top notch and your template-fu only had one very minor mistake (illusion should come before transmutation in the Aura section). I think you still have what it takes to go far in this contest on the strength of your writing and your design innovation. Best of luck to you!

[Kiel Howell]

Congrats on top 32!

I'm with Clark on this. In fact, when I saw it, I actually asked "This is a Wondrous item?"

I was not enthralled with the rod effects and wand holder.

But, it was well written and it was liked by more than not.

In the next round(s) you'll have to really bring the awesome. Congrats!

[Chris Shaeffer]

Oh yeah, I saw this dude now and again when wading waist-deep in the entries. It did "stick" out (ahahahahahahaaaaa....ah) to me a bit, and I certainly voted for it more than a few times.

It does feel to me like most of its description lends itself to describing how it interacts with some other item, rather than just being cool in itself. However, I do like that it does what it does well, and I can see a dandy magician using this prolifically!

Congratulations man. I hope your archetype vrocks!

[Thomas LeBlanc]

"nondescript", "appears to be a normal", and "but it conceals something other than" completely destroyed my interest in this item. My biggest problem was it gave away too much at too little cost. Removing the need for a command word and visual effects makes this item suited to an arcane caster trying to not appear as one. While it sounds nice, I believe the reason spells receive some of their balance is due to opponents having a chance to identify who is using magic. I personally feel the actions to change out the wand take too little time. I have to say I really disliked this item due to game balance issues.

[James Olchak]

It's cheap for all of its utility. The Concentration-by-proxy ability is actually the guts of the thing, I think, and is a good seed for an item. I think this does too much, for too little.

[Jeff Lee]

Michael,

Congratulations on grabbing a spot in the Top 32. I'm not a fan of "items that only do things to other items." However, as the judges have already mentioned, your item shows a lot of creativity. I look forward to seeing how that creativity comes to life in your archetype. Best of luck to you.

[Oceanshieldwolf]

I thought this one would be a contender. I'm no spell-junkie so this left me personally cold, but it is a nice twist on a sword cane.

[James Conder]

A really neat item for intrigue or city campaigns, where keeping your powers secret is an important trick, not to mention the benefits of maintaining concentration of your behalf.

I have a vague recollection of seeing a wand concealed within a sword cane somewhere before, perhaps one of the Harry Potter movies?

Still, I think if an elixir can be a wondrous item rather than a potion, surely a walking stick gets away with being a wondrous item rather than a rod?

[Fern Herold]

Making an item that improves or augments another item is very cool, and definitely fits into the "wondrous" category.

Congratulations! I'll see you in the archetype round.

[agirlnamedbob]

I can see the mojo with this item. Sword canes are neat. I do like the idea of being able to burn additional charges of a wand to boost the effectiveness of it. I'm not really a fan of items that only augment other items, as a general rule, but I can definitely see why this was popular with people. It's useful, but something just hit me as off. I'm not sure if it was that I felt like I'd seen something similar elsewhere or what, but I can see the niche it fills quite nicely, so I'm warming up to it.

Congrats on making it to the Top 32 and good luck next round!

[GreySector]

Thomas LeBlanc wrote:

"nondescript", "appears to be a normal", and "but it conceals something other than" completely destroyed my interest in this item. My biggest problem was it gave away too much at too little cost. Removing the need for a command word and visual effects makes this item suited to an arcane caster trying to not appear as one. While it sounds nice, I believe the reason spells receive some of their balance is due to opponents having a chance to identify who is using magic. I personally feel the actions to change out the wand take too little time. I have to say I really disliked this item due to game balance issues.

I also wince at some of that descriptive language in retrospect.

I agree with your concerns about the game balance of these aspects. I thought that they were offset the fact that wands are limited to fourth level spells and that wands of higher level spells are expensive, so burning off multiple charges is a not insignificant cost.

I will be honest, the last ability seems tacked on because it is. I had word count left over and thought that the item needed a bit more kick.

For those of you that think it isn't quite 'wondrous' enough, I agree. Many was the hour I thought to myself "this should have been a rod". But then I came back to a PFS game I was playing where I thought "man, I wish that I could have a sword cane that had a wand in it instead of a sword", and how cool that thought was to me. So I went with it.

And of course after I submitted my item I came across the spell weaponwand from Inner Sea Magic which would have been a perfect prerequisite spell.

For the time required, as written it takes more than an entire round of actions to replace the wand. It seems that I didn't explicitly state what type of action it is to remove a wand from the the walking stick, but presumably it would be a move action that provokes an attack of opportunity. So to replace a wand in the walking stick with a new wand requires:

1. Swift action to remove the head
2. Move action to remove the current wand (and presumably a free action to drop it, otherwise it will be another move action to stow the wand)
3. Move action to draw the new wand
4. Move action to insert the new wand
5. Move action to replace the head

That is two complete rounds of nothing but move actions, and possibly another move action added on. Out of curiosity, what would you suggest? I am serious, I would like to try to improve if I am able.

[GreySector]

Clark Peterson wrote:

Plus, invisibility and sculpt sound?

First, thank you for your kind words and constructive feedback. I agree with a lot of your comments, but have one quick question if it is permitted. What would you have used for the spell prerequisites? As I mentioned in a previous post I didn't spot the weaponwand spell in Inner Sea Magic until after I submitted my item.

[GreySector]

James Olchak wrote:

It's cheap for all of its utility. The Concentration-by-proxy ability is actually the guts of the thing, I think, and is a good seed for an item. I think this does too much, for too little.

I wasn't sure how to price it. I put it on the low end of cost between a lesser metamagic rod of empower and a lesser metamagic rod of maximize, plus the cost of the greenwood from which it was constructed.

I put it on the low end of that spectrum because actually using it is going to cost a lot of money in the long term (and depending on your campaign actually acquiring wands might not be all that easy).

Out of curiosity how would you have priced it? If you are allowed to tell me, of course.

Thanks in advance for your feedback.

[Herremann the Wise]

Well done Michael with your walking stick and ideas that I thought were neatly done and effective. I did a Gentleman's Cane (Walking Stick) and wrestled with the question of whether my item was actually a wondrous item or a rod too. Considering that a sword-cane had been published as a wondrous item, I thought that was kind of the all clear. In your design, the walking stick is pivotal to the overall concept and impression of the item, so I think you were on solid ground.

I think the item is a little under-priced but this is where you have to leave the pricing formula alone and compare to other wondrous items (rather than rods funnily enough). Imagine a character who would wish to use this and then compare it to other wondrous items that character would get or want access to. You'd most likely find it slightly higher (but not by much) than what you came up with but as the judges have said before, pricing is easily fixed and so not a make or break issue. You may not have got it right but I don't think you got it wrong (to quote Clark from that Superstar panel).

Anyway, looking forward to seeing what you come up with in future rounds and best of luck.

Best Regards
Herremann the Wise

[Richard Moore]

I don't have much to say on this one, other than "Well done!" I upvoted this item several times myself, and I like the range of utility it offers for wand wielders. (I may be biased on that point since my long-standing PC depends heavily on his wand collection for efficacy and would love to have one, though!)

Good grammar, good formatting, good idea. 'Nuff said.

[frank gori]

The Good: Neat core concept, well written and structured.

The Bad: Price should reflect the fact that this does for wands 2 metamagic feat, it doesn't (looks at rods)

The Ugly: Looks and acts a little more like a rod then a wonderous item to me.

Overall: Nice work and congrats on Top 32.

[James Olchak]

Michael Eshleman wrote:

James Olchak wrote:

It's cheap for all of its utility. The Concentration-by-proxy ability is actually the guts of the thing, I think, and is a good seed for an item. I think this does too much, for too little.

I wasn't sure how to price it. I put it on the low end of cost between a lesser metamagic rod of empower and a lesser metamagic rod of maximize, plus the cost of the greenwood from which it was constructed.

I put it on the low end of that spectrum because actually using it is going to cost a lot of money in the long term (and depending on your campaign actually acquiring wands might not be all that easy).

Out of curiosity how would you have priced it? If you are allowed to tell me, of course.

Thanks in advance for your feedback.

Well I wouldn't have priced it differently, I would have stripped out some functionality. The metamagic applications feel very much like functions that are solidly in the "Rod" category, and there have been rods that acted as power-ups for wands since 3.5, at least. Spending extra charges to activate these metamagic functions aren't a penalty, really, in that you'll only activate them when they're necessary, I.E. when it's worth paying that extra charge cost. The rest of the time, the wand will expend charges as normal. So the utility is actually greater than something like a Rod of silent metamagic, because you can use it many, many more times a day, when you're under circumstances when that would be advantageous.

GP cost is the most negligible cost to an adventurer, day-to-day. By 6th level or so, most Pathfinder characters start buying items purely out of vanity, or buying villages, or trying to become party king of the River Kingdoms. Money is easy-come-easy-go to an adventurer. So the microtransaction (to repeat a phrase) of using an extra charge on a wand is not a hard decision for most characters. It's not really a good limiting aspect for functionality. If, every time you put a wand in, for example, it drained 1d8 charges from it, that would be a penalty. People would agonize over paying that cost every time they swapped out a wand. Spending a charge is a very reasonable cost for the benefits it provides.

So I was kind of down on that whole aspect of the item, which is kinda where the theme was, "concealing" spellcasting. Which I also wasn't really behind, as far as a design goal. I know there are players who want to be able to fire invisible scorching rays at a suspicious NPC in a crowded marketplace (which would be possible with this item, I think, if I read it correctly), but I'm not sure that results in a good situation at the play table. It sounds like it could get very frustrating for whomever was on the other side of that scenario, player or GM.

So the last function, the one that was an afterthought, it sounds like, was what I was left with. Concentration is kind of an under-explored gamespace in Pathfinder. I find it funny that the answer to "how long can I concentrate?" is essentially "Until you fail a concentration check," and that might not happen, unless you're damaged, or on a stormy sea, or riding a wild stallion. But you can only concentrate on one thing at a time. I can see having an extra "concentration slot" as being beneficial, and giving someone the ability to do something they couldn't before, even if that's something as simple as directing two summoned swarms simultaneously.

[GreySector]

James Olchak wrote:

Well I wouldn't have priced it differently, I would have stripped out some functionality. The metamagic applications feel very much like functions that are solidly in the "Rod" category, and there have been rods that acted as power-ups for wands since 3.5, at least.

I'm not aware of any, could you provide me with some examples?

James Olchak wrote:

GP cost is the most negligible cost to an adventurer, day-to-day. By 6th level or so, most Pathfinder characters start buying items purely out of vanity, or buying villages, or trying to become party king of the River Kingdoms. Money is easy-come-easy-go to an adventurer. So the microtransaction (to repeat a phrase) of using an extra charge on a wand is not a hard decision for most characters.

I guess that we have had different game experiences. I don't think that I have ever played in a game where a character had money to spare. It seems like I am always saving for that next big upgrade or dealing with my in-character obligations to NPCs.

[Eric Morris]

Michael Eshleman wrote:

James Olchak wrote:

Well I wouldn't have priced it differently, I would have stripped out some functionality. The metamagic applications feel very much like functions that are solidly in the "Rod" category, and there have been rods that acted as power-ups for wands since 3.5, at least.

I'm not aware of any, could you provide me with some examples?

Rod of Many Wands, from Complete Mage. I played in a game where another character had one. We called it his shotgun rod. You loaded up to 3 wands in it, and every activation triggered all 3 wands at once, but always expended 2 charges from each when doing so.

Also, something that I think many folks have missed... you can't apply metamagic feats (that I am aware) to spells cast from wands (though the wand may itself store a metamagic version of a spell just long as it's net level is 4 or less). This items effectively allows that. Further, if a wand activation is a command word, this device allows activating that wand under the conditions of a Silence spell, also something you normally cannot do with such a wand.

I'm less enchanted with the ability to suppress all visible and audible effects, though. An invisible fireball or lightning bolt would seriously confuse the characters getting hit by it. On the other hand, I'd me more inclined if the charge expenditure was higher for this function (3-5 charges per use for invisible / sound-suppressed spell effect).

In any case, congrats Michael!

[Chris Schweiger]

Congrats Michael. This is an item that I can see a multitude of uses for, as both a player and GM. It also helps the Craft Wand feat out.

How would the second ability work with spells that have non-instantaneous visible and audible effects, like Spectral Hand? For 3 charges, you would be able to attack with melee touch attacks from a range of 130 ft, at a +2 bonus from the spell, an additional +2 bonus from being invisible, and the target is flatfooted. Kind of a problem, but could easily be fixed by saying it costs that many charges per round the effects are suppressed. Still, for 4,500 gp (fully charged wand of Spectral Hand), you could get more than 2 minutes of that effect. Plenty of time to trivialize a difficult encounter after level 7, maybe two of them.

On the other hand, instantaneous spell effects like fireball wouldn't really be an issue. From a wand, you're spending 675 extra gp per invisible fireball that does 5d6 damage with a DC 14 reflex save. Might be dangerous around level 5, when fireball is dangerous, but something is wrong if the players have a wand of fireball that they can afford to spend 4 charges at a time from at that level, plus this item to make it possible.

I really like the concentration ability as well. Make a wand of detect magic for 375 gp and have 40+ rounds of detect magic that you don't have to concentrate on.

The first ability is questionable though. According to the descriptions for wands in Pathfinder, they use the spell-trigger completion method, which means there shouldn't be a command word for any of them. Kind of makes this ability pointless.

[RonarsCorruption]

Michael, congratulations on making it through!

On one side, the discussion of it being a little too rod-like is on the nose, but on the other... I still think it's awesome. And unlike many others, I don't think expending six charges from a 4th level wand to make one 'invisible cast' of some 4th level spell (or 5 from a 3rd level, etc) is too low of a cost - you turn a 50 use item into a ten use item. And sure, it's way better, but unlike the afore mentioned rod of wands, there's enough of a penalty to it to actually make you choose this as a deliberate option instead of just any other upgrade.

Good luck int he next round!

[GreySector]

Eric Morris wrote:

Rod of Many Wands, from Complete Mage.

Thanks! I admit to not being really up on a lot of the magic items that were released at the end of 3.5 from Complete Mage and similar sourcebooks. I sort of stopped with the Magic Item Compendium.

[Jerry Keyes]

The biggest problem I had with this entry was, it reminded me of Harry Potter and the wand cane Malfoy Sr. carried. Still, I really liked the idea and I could so easily visualize it being used. Besides, most fantasy roleplaying material started out as a great book (see, Tolkien), so why not this item?

It got my vote more than once. Congrats on making the top 32.

[GreySector]

Chris Schweiger wrote:

How would the second ability work with spells that have non-instantaneous visible and audible effects, like Spectral Hand? For 3 charges, you would be able to attack with melee touch attacks from a range of 130 ft, at a +2 bonus from the spell, an additional +2 bonus from being invisible, and the target is flatfooted. Kind of a problem, but could easily be fixed by saying it costs that many charges per round the effects are suppressed. Still, for 4,500 gp (fully charged wand of Spectral Hand), you could get more than 2 minutes of that effect. Plenty of time to trivialize a difficult encounter after level 7, maybe two of them.

Thanks for the feedback. I really should have specified instantaneous spells (as that was what I had in my head when I made the item).

Chris Schweiger wrote:

The first ability is questionable though. According to the descriptions for wands in Pathfinder, they use the spell-trigger completion method, which means there shouldn't be a command word for any of them. Kind of makes this ability pointless.

http://paizo.com/pathfinderRPG/prd/magicItems.html

"... and a single word that must be spoken."

You are correct that this is not the game defined term command word, however it is colloquially a command word (i.e. a word that you speak to make the wand work). I suppose that I should have specified 'activation word' or some such but there doesn't seem to be a game term for the word that you speak to make a wand work. Hmmm...

[GreySector]

Jerry Keyes wrote:

The biggest problem I had with this entry was, it reminded me of Harry Potter and the wand cane Malfoy Sr. carried. Still, I really liked the idea and I could so easily visualize it being used. Besides, most fantasy roleplaying material started out as a great book (see, Tolkien), so why not this item?

Thanks! I did read all of the Harry Potter books and watch all of the films in the last year, so perhaps that idea sank into my unconscious mind. Now that you mention it I seem to recall Lucius Malfoy having a 'wand-cane'.

[Kitty Catafur]

Michael, Congratulations! I really like this item and can see my Druid Kitty using it! Now, where can I find one next time I play at your table? ROFL... :-)

[Jeremy Clements]

I remember voting for this one at least once. Good idea and the cost isn't too high for what it does. Would have used the Metamagic feats instead of the spells for creation however.

It is a handy way to visually conceal a wand, but I would have loved to see it contain a non-detection ability too.

Although a little too Harry Potterish, I still like the idea, as well as the flavor of it as a unique wonderous item.

[Chris Schweiger]

My mistake on the first ability's usefulness. I was actually thinking about it last night while falling asleep and realized I hadn't paid enough attention to wording on the rules. Sorry about that.

[GreySector]

Chris Schweiger wrote:

My mistake on the first ability's usefulness. I was actually thinking about it last night while falling asleep and realized I hadn't paid enough attention to wording on the rules. Sorry about that.

No, you absolutely have a point. Using the game term command word was an error, as spell trigger items aren't command word activated even though the wielder uses a word to activate them. I'll try to be more careful in the future.

[Dwayne Depew]

Really, really neat idea.

I'm ambivalent about the "Rod criticism," but it does open up the concept of a Rod of Wands wherein a Metamagic feat is applied to Wand inserted inside it at a cost of 2 charges per use of the wand, instead on one (etc. regarding "cost" to use an amplified version of a wand).

My only real criticism is that it's priced waaaaaay too low. Is it better than a Ring of Evasion (off the top of my head)? IMHO, I think it's better, certainly more useful more often, which means it should be 3 to 4 times the price listed. But price is a lesser issue for these designs.

It's a great concept. Congratulations!

[RonarsCorruption]

Dwayne, don't forget that this item has a meta-cost, when compared to a ring, or other permanent item. You burn 75% of a wand using those special effects.

[Curaigh]

Congratulations Michael,

I saw this a couple of times and each time the first sentence threw me off as TL said above. I dinnae think it was a rod as the group seems to, but thought this isn't WI. I even went so far as to check the PRD in one of my readings, and lo, canesword is a weapon. I also thought SAK, but that was a minor consideration. Still what you did with it is pretty cool and for that I commend you. Discreet wand-ing is certainly useful. :)

Suggestion for future rounds: Be careful not to lose the reader. In the story of an adventure it will be way more important than it is in the item.

Good luck and congratulations.

[Jon Haire]

I voted for this item a few times. I really like the third effect. I also like the idea to make it difficult to quickly swap out wands. Thinking about the process of swapping wands gives this mojo because if it were too easy, then I think it would be too powerful.

[Joel Flank]

I quite liked this during voting. I actually thought the concentration effect wasn't that big of a deal, the silent effect was situationally useful, and the invisible spell effect was HUGE. It would really mess with foes not having a clue where attacks were coming from. I also liked that it allowed meta-magic effects on wands, which normally isn't possible (unless the wand is made at a higher level as a metamagic version of the wand).

I would have liked to see a non-detection effect built into the item as well - to make detect magic not be able to figure out where the invisible magic was coming from.

Other than that, I thought this was a great item that did something not currently present in the game, and could lead to a lot of fun encounters. If used to often by PCs, the extra charges would build up fast and cost quite a bit extra, which I thought was balanced.

[Fredrik]

Cane in hand, Enteri walks stiffly on the cobbled Taldoran street. His leg will never be the same; not since those adventurers used that fireball against a plant that was just defending its territory -- same as Taldor does -- and set half of the forest ablaze. It had taken him many years to track down the one responsible, but though the middle-aged druid had lost the fire of youth, his need for revenge still burned cold. At last, he knew the name and face of the lumber baron that had hired those reckless fools to make the woods safe for depredation. Impeccably dressed, Peron leaves his office a hundred feet away, locking it behind him. As the wealthy Taldan steps out onto the street, Enteri grimaces and silently concentrates (1 charge) on the wand hidden in his cane. Unseen and unheard (4 charges), a column of flame strike (1 charge) arrows out of the night sky to unerringly roast the perfidious capitalist. 7d6 ⇒ (6, 1, 2, 1, 4, 2, 5) = 21, Reflex for half (is that even possible with no warning?) Peron drops dead in a crowd, burned to a crisp from no apparent cause, while his assassin hobbles away, smiling grimly.

Sorry for interrupting. I'm a PbPer and got inspired.

[Template Fu]

As prior entries will tell you, Template Fu is one mean point eating machine, but will also praise where praise is due.

These reviews being this in depth usually take me a while to do and they get fitted in around other demands on my time, so please bear with me if I haven’t gotten to your item yet. I will get there in the end.

Review Caveat: I try to keep things totally dispassionate and all comments herein are my own. Having not made the illustrious levels that you have achieved this year, I can only caveat that anything I propose in feedback may not be totally in line with what Paizo thinks or needs of its freelance game designers, so do consider carefully any and all feedback I make under this light.

I start your review with…

Congratulations on being selected by the public at large and then the stalwart judges!

Review Breakdown:

Template: 5/5
This looks pretty good – please excuse Template Fu, his nose is stuck in the core rule book and PRD checking for bullet indentation examples… ah-ha, decanter of endless water uses them in the PRD, no need to check further. So, all is wonderful in template land. (I had to check for my own benefit too).

Spelling: 5/5
This bit IS boilerplate to avoid confusion. Everyone should know to use US English, so you just know that I am going to eat points for stray ‘u’ letters and similar.

The sound of crunching can be heard from the Template Fu den, let’s stealth past while we can…

Readability: 5/5
These are readings you can get from most spelling and grammar check options in word processors, for this, I am pasting everyone’s description into Word for consistency. My grading’s are purely my own personal feelings for target scores but it should be noted these are very helpful during development to spot problems in your writing, especially passivity.

Passive Sentences 0% (Awesome sauce)
There are whole threads on this and it is possible to get 0%, which is wicked, but I would expect scores of less than 20% to be around the ideal mark for item descriptions (sometimes, you need the passive, but only rarely).

Flesch Reading Ease 61.6 (nice, easily understood)
(0-30 best understood by university graduates, 60-70 easily understood by 13-15 year olds, 90-100 easily understood by 11 year olds)

Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level 10.9 (ohh, squeaked under the 11 point docking boundary)
(This equates to the grades found in the US schooling system, e,g. 8.2 means it should be understandable by the average 8th grade student)

Me as a Designer Review: 4/5
Ok, starting with your attention grabbing intro – what do we find… hmmm, “non descript”, “normal” – not exactly exciting stuff but other items hide their true purpose in similar ways. Just bear in mind for later rounds that you need to wow to get my vote.

I did find it confusing on first read that in the same sentence it is described as a walking stick and as a sword cane. The sentence then continues with the “but” sentence appendage. Being more definite in what you say allows you to write a stronger and word count saving sentence, something like…
“This greenwood sword cane is designed to conceal wands rather than the expected edged blade. Removing the cap of the cane, as a swift action, allows access to the storage chamber.”

I removed nondescript because it IS descript, it’s greenwood! I then pulled up the wand and the storage chamber aspects in a slightly different order. Your word count – 46 words, mine 31, and I don’t think I lost much, if anything. You can tighten the next sentence to – “Once” is like starting with “When”, Type what you do and what the item does… “Inserting a wand into the chamber and replacing the cap…” – so work on this going forwards and you will have plenty of words to spare.

Due to the fact that removing the cap(swift), inserting the wand (move), replacing the cap (another move) equates to a full round action, simply say “Loading the cane with a wand is a full round action that provokes…”

Generally you suffer from “Anthony-itis” – a lot of words before you get to the real fun powers of the item – this is a hard habit to break, I have been working on it for a long time now and I am much better than I was, but it is something you will need to work at.

Your spell enhancements think about the different effects combined against different spell categories and effects, that’s good, less work for me. The price is a little low, but I think a little tweaking would correct that – for example, I think on the concentration, once you decide that the cane maintains the concentration for you via swift action expenditure, that it shouldn’t then be allowed to come back to you by not spending the swift action anymore, once concentration is controlled by the cane, if the cane isn’t fed the swift action each round, the concentration ends.

Speaking of pricing, your price is 7,150gp – let’s see where it places that item in the wondrous items table… robe of useful items - 7,000 gp, folding boat 7,200 gp, cloak of the manta ray – 7,200 gp – so as we can see – the most comparable item in this price bracket is the robe which although fun, isn’t as powerful as this item. Looking at the item you have created, I think it is definitely a medium category wondrous item, so I would be looking for placement in that table. Comparing your item back to the wondrous item tables is a good sanity check – please everyone do this.

It look’s like quite a few people are getting thrown by pricing, it is one of the harder aspects of item design, so if there is interest, once I am done reviewing, I will write up a starting article on the forums running through the basic item pricing process and all the tricks I use to try and get the price “not wrong”.

Wow, that’s pretty much it really. I think I will dock one point to encourage you to dump “the inner Anthony”, tighten your writing and review your pricing. I think that’s pretty much all you need to work on really from this sample of your work.

Overall Impression: 5/5
Once past the wording, the mechanics are simple and elegant, the spell enhancements make sense, the price is out but it isn’t very out I think. Well done.

I certainly look forward to your archetype with great expectation!

Final Score: 24/25
I won’t give a final score comment as I haven’t for anyone else as I work through the items.

If this interests for personal reasons, please feel free to check out everyone else’s scores and at the same time check out your competition and their feedback too!

Closing, as I started…

Congratulations on being selected!

[GreySector]

Thanks! I will try to work on making things more concise. I was trying to keep the loading sequence as granular as possible to allow the user other actions (like casting spells) while they are loading a wand into the walking stick. Still, it is probably cleaner to just call it a full round action and be done with it.

Thanks again for your feedback, I will try to incorporate it as I move forward.

[P33J]

I read this, I liked it.

I didn't vote for it.

It's a metamagic rod, as written, and while it's an awesome metamagic rod, I felt it broke the rules.

That said, I think you're writing was cool and your idea was gold so good luck.