Comically misspelled spells

[Goth Guru]

Fake HoleCreates an illusion of you escaping through a toon hole. Anyone pursuing you smashes into a wall.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

Ghost Pound (You get to punch a ghost! How cool is that?!?)
Charm Furson (the verbal component is the magic word "Yiff!")
Ali Across Time (summons a 20th-level Brawler to beat the tar out of your enemies; spell fails if fighting Vietcong)
Silver Parts (Be Prepared with this abjuration before intercourse with lycanthropes and/or devils!)
Conjure Deadpool (Res Ipsa Loquitur)
Dominate Parson (Calistria Herself is said to have created this spell in collaboration with Geryon and Sifkesh)
Flush Flood (singlehandedly save low-elevation towns, and in the funniest-sounding way possible!)
Booze Form I-III (make yourself a drink)
Temporal Stasi (summons an Investigator/Inquisitor forth from the pas[**INFORMATION VERBOTEN**])
Energy Grain (Breakfast of Archmagi!TM)

[SilvercatMoonpaw]

I'm Hiding In Your Closet wrote:

Ghost Pound (You get to punch a ghost! How cool is that?!?)

Ghost Pound: Summon unloved ghost dogs and cats for cuddling.

[Goth Guru]

Brink:This version lets you attack from the edge of a clif, then vanish as they counter attack. Reflex save or they go over.

[Goth Guru]

Raze Dead: Burns down any corpse.

[Pulg]

Raise Dad

Will levitate your father 1d6 inches + 2 per caster level.

[Celestial Healer]

Braise Dead

Cooks the remains of a dead subject in a combination of wine and stock for 2-3 hours, creating a savory stew.

[Count Reiner Heydrich]

Glaze Dead: cover 1 skeleton in a shiny coat.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

Praise Dead ("Who's a good corpse? YOU ARE! You get an obolus!")

[avr]

Rays Dead; summon sunglasses.

[Goth Guru]

Rock to Moog: Turns music electronic so it affects robots and androids.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

Schlongstrider
Schlongshot
Schlong Arm

[Goth Guru]

Raise Dick
Now I feel dirty from this post.

[avr]

Consegregate: enforce social distancing between nerds.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

Desegregate (Material Component: 1 jillion gp worth of National Guardsmen)

[avr]

Focus component IHIYC or that spell earns an [Evil] tag.

Animate Roe: create a fine-size caviar elemental.

Presidentitation: use an aura of authority to change laws.

Repossession: possess a vehicle.

[Goth Guru]

Symbol of PerversionGoat toucher triggered one of these.

[GoatToucher]

Speculum of Comprehension

[Count Reiner Heydrich]

Dolymorph: turns 1 target into a packet of Doly mix.

[Goth Guru]

Dollymorph: Turns you into a twin of Dolly Parton.

[Goth Guru]

Fry: It doesn't harm your enemy, it just lets you fly.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

Let's. Get. EPIC!!!:

Mailed To The Sky (a giant flying envelope swoops down and the target is "uploaded to the cloud", as it were)

Mummy Bust (shows target Fourth-Dynastic b%&#+ how you do things downtown)

Heilball (deals 1933d6 Blitzenschaden to everyone nearby of a lesser race - and YOU will determine who is and who is not!)

Vengeful Gaze of Cod (deals 305d6 damage to all overfishers in cold salt-waters)

Clown of Vermin (Area of Effect: Your Closet)

[Pulg]

Bess. A woman called Elizabeth appears and gives you all a musket each.

[Goth Guru]

Nailed to this guy(Invented by a gay bard but he could not cast it.)

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

Nature's Baths (locate the nearest natural spring, or predict/locate the next rainstorm)

Open and S#~& (target door opens and unleashes an ungodly deluge of [REDACTED])

[avr]

Reduce Parson: a spell only useful in the presence of a vicar.

Shocking Gasp: persuade those present that something just awful has happened.

Magic Muzzle: gag a target and prevent it using a bite attack.

[avr]

Chili touch: the power of capsaicin compels you!

[Pulg]

Shirking Grasp: the target immediately goes off to the toilet for four hours instead of doing what they're paid to.

[Dedrick, The Professor]

Pick sprocket: steal the chain wheel of the nearest bike.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

Endure Elephants
Imbue With Elephantine Might
Elephantine Touch
Elephantine Speech
Elephantine Aura
Elephantine Mastery
Elephantine Body I-IV
Elephant Assessor
Summon Elephant Steed
Elephant Swarm
Torrent of Elephantine Rage
Elephant Bombardment

[Goth Guru]

Wizard appearance: It gives you the long white beard, the pointy hat, what looks like a magic cloak, and an impressive looking wand.

[Goth Guru]

Summon Muenster I. Summons a whole muenster cheese.

[Goth Guru]

Flack whole: If cast on food makes it flaky and delicious.