it can be arranged... have you got your indignant speech for the UN, complaining about their militant stance ready yet?
Of course. I made extra sure to emphasize how Communist they are and how Democratic we are.
good to hear. just give the the time and location of that 'negotiation' you were planning on having with the opposition, and i'll take care of the rest.
PS: you may want to take that day off, and be out of that town. just a thought...
Better invade Venezuela quicker before Chavez loses presidential seat to that nihilist syjonist nazi yankee servant* Radonsky
*supporters of Chavez actually called Radonsky all that during their attacks. Never mind that his Jewish greatgrandparents died during Holocaust, his parents or grandparents convereted to Christianity and he is practicing Catholic.
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[Hiding amongst the tropical forest underbrush with an advance regiment of the First Volunteers from the Toussaint L'Overture Brigade, Doodlebug Anklebiter and an alliance of narco-terrorists, guerrillas and landless peasants prepare to drive Mama Kelsey out of Venezuela. This revolutionary victory will not only stike a blow against New Moorluckia, Dorkmash and other neoimperialist powers, it will provide Free NH with valuable pertochemical resources and free drugs.]
Silly Goblin NH is part of my New England. When you decided to go over and fight against us and help the racist Tindall and his group by attacking us well I revoked your right to have NH. So through a bloodless coup I paid off your second in command and he decided he wanted to work with us while you were down in Venezuela playing around with Mama Kelsey. Anyways good luck in returning we have some pleasant surprises for you.
Now as for Tindall ... well I have a special surprise for you and your group.
Hope you enjoy your new bodies as you have been polymorphed into becoming orcs you and your inner circle can't wait to see what happens when your race hating mobs get a hold of you. I will be watching on close circuit TV as well as scrying pool.
When you decided to go over and fight against us and help the racist Tindall and his group by attacking us well I revoked your right to have NH.
This never happened.
EDIT: I never allied myself with Mr. Tindall, and the struggle between you and I long predates the war between him and New Moorluckia.
And to everybody but Dorkmash: This is Doodlebug Anklebiter. If you are listening to this, you are the resistance.
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Yet you help his cause by fighting against us. Enemy of my enemy is my friend sort of thing.
All the people in New Hampshire are happy to be a part of New England once again under the beneficient rule of Count Gruumash ally to Moorluck and VIP customer and demo extraordinaire of FuelDrops wonderful wares.
Nice try Grummash. That was a very, very good intelligent and sneaky idea. I wonder who gave it to you orcs? Could it have been your former goblin allies?
No matter. The rebellion is still as strong as ever and just as soon as more polymorphs can be used to reverse the sick twisted creatures you turned us into then revenge will happen.
Oh and Comrade welcome to the rebellion whether you like it or not. Just as soon as I even mentioned any possibility of an alliance( which I knew you would never go for anyway) your "friends" really showed their true kermitty colors didn't they. Kicking you out of the U.N. and all.
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Ah Mr. Tindall you are not aware of Comrade and my heated exchange. He was already persona non grada. The goblins of New Hampshire are still our allies we only removed Mr. Anklebiter from his former position of power.
It was very fun to watch your hatred of our race be used to our benefit. I especially enjoyed you running away from from that frothing mob of hatred that killed so many of your inner council. Too bad you escaped no matter there are other plans in the works for you. :D Fun Fun
Ah by the way do you always scream like a little female child when faced with a mob of your peers trying to cut you to ribbons. If so I look forward to facing you on the feild of battle and hearing your child like screams as I watch you run away when I brandish my Claymore which I think I will name Squeal Killer in your honor.
But I imagine it will be some time before you gather your forces once more after the slaughter of some many of your high council. That is alright I am a patient orc.
[Boom! Rat-a-tat-tat! Whee-oo, whee-oo, whee-oo]
It sounds like my goblin guerrillas have carried out my magnificent plan of pretending to be allied with Dorkmash...and then blowing up his mobile command base!
Hee hee! Hee hee! Hee hee!
I'm coming for you next, Mama Kelsey. I saw your anti-NH thread and you shall pay!
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And just for the record, I am neither allied with Mr. Tindall and his racist empire or any power that trucks with Dorkmash. I shall overthrow you all!
Gah! Darn revolutionaries. I'll have to pass out some free swag to the citizens of my Mediterranean paradise to keep them content.
Imperator CH,
I propose a non-aggression pact. I will happily reign in my Bolshegobbos for, let's say, Monica Bellucci's phone number. Deal?
Comrade Anklebiter, while i can sympathise with your plight i must suggest that you put aside your hatred. the common good is best served by unity, not decent, and for that very reason i intend to link all of my cyborg citizens up to the hive-mind. I implore you to reconsider your revolutionary stance, for the sake of all the goblin children who'll lose parents in the inevitable conflit.
This is a large world, and surely there is room on it for all races and creeds.
on an unrelated note, does anyone have dibs on the moon? i was hoping to construct some lunar bases up there.
Can I have South Africa? They have so much cool stuff there.
No. I have already held a seance with the ghosts of Joe Slovo and Steven Biko and South Africa shall belong to the Bolshegobbos!
We shall chase Mama Kelsey to the ends of the earth...and beyond!
Feh. The gobbocratic so called revolution is obviously only stooges of the soon to be obsolete democratic order. Dear revolutionaries, it always pays to remember that revolutionaries are needed before a revolution, not after. Once the new Empire rises, you will seem like a bad dream to the populace, not to mention you are a perfect reason for the masses to support monarchy.
Venezuela? South Africa? Parts of the upstart US and A? Seriously, people, get a grip on things. Do what you wish, Europe remains the only qualified seat of an Empire. People who can't spell "colour" properly do not get to make empires.
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[Boom! Rat-a-tat-tat! Whee-oo, whee-oo, whee-oo]
It sounds like my goblin guerrillas have carried out my magnificent plan of pretending to be allied with Dorkmash...and then blowing up his mobile command base!
Hee hee! Hee hee! Hee hee!
I'm coming for you next, Mama Kelsey. I saw your anti-NH thread and you shall pay!
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And just for the record, I am neither allied with Mr. Tindall and his racist empire or any power that trucks with Dorkmash. I shall overthrow you all!
As expected Comrade, this was all part of the plan from the beginning. See what you failed to realise was this was a ploy on my part to see who was loyal to the cause. I had 5 different mobile command centers going. By tipping your hand as to which one you attacked it allowed me to determine who were forces still loyal to you. I have now rounded up those individuals and they will reveal any other missing rebels. New Hampshire is in good hands now.
Next step taking back the Brittish Isles. Already forces have mobilized and solidfied my power base there.
Pfffff. How cute. I am sure the New Hampshirean assault on the British isles will amount to a good story when the invaders have been kicked back into the Atlantic again after killing one defender, as it happens an immigrant who still thought "color" was a real word.
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Ah but it is already a "fait de complete" otherwise I would not have mentioned anything.
By the way your ignorance is quite apparent for New Hampshire is but a part of New England it does not take up my entire realm.
As of 3 hours ago we hold all of what was the Brittish Isles now part of my little Empire. Adding a steady supply of good scotch to be given to the liberating forces.
You should focus your time on your rapidly declining Empire Sissyl before some other forces decide to expand further. But do yourslef a favor and stay out "MY Islands" and I will refrain from putting my nose into your business. Perhaps you should stick to your singing career?
No. I have already held a seance with the ghosts of Joe Slovo and Steven Biko and South Africa shall belong to the Bolshegobbos!
We shall chase Mama Kelsey to the ends of the earth...and beyond!
Mama Kelsey is dead. Now it is time for Zoe's empire, and I feel South Africa is the perfect first country to gain control of. From there, I can gain loyalty by rooting out corruption and deploying the army against the gangs. Once they love me, the rest of southern Africa will welcome me when I roll into their countries. Soon, half the continent shall be mine, and I shall drag it into the modern era kicking and screaming. For this, they will love me more than they have loved anyone else.
Gruumash, feeding enemy invaders false information about the results of their actions is the oldest trick in the book. Expect several very large containers of left arms soon.
Edit: Or pounds, euro, yen... we're not picky.
Do you accept pocket lint and obsolete socialist currency?
Pfffff. How cute. I am sure the New Hampshirean assault on the British isles will amount to a good story when the invaders have been kicked back into the Atlantic again after killing one defender, as it happens an immigrant who still thought "color" was a real word.
Scorecard for our European (and elsewhere) brethren:
New Hampshire--Land of freedom and all good stuff, with no sales tax. Home of Doodlebug Anklebiter's Free NH Resistance who, despite the words of Lord Dorkmash. are still continuing the resistance against tyranny. The good people and goblins of NH would NEVER dream of assaulting the British isles, unless it was in alliance with revolting British goblins.
New England--also pretty cool, until it fell under the sway of the tyrannical Lord Dorkmash. and his goblin-enslaving, multiple mobile command center-having, liquor store-owning ways. Beware, beware!
Monica Bellucci--a really hawt chick whose phone number I am desperately awaiting from Imperator CH, or I shall unleash the Red Brigades.
Zoe Oakeshott--an evil doppelganger of Mama Kelsey, who wasn't terribly nice to begin with. And hey, Zoe, that whole using the same avatar with a million different names thing? That's my shtick!
[Checks the short list of NH celebrities]
Well, I doubt you'd be interested in Sarah Silverman. And you've apparently already had enough Steven Tyler in your life. You want Adam Sandler? He's yours.
Zoe Oakeshott--an evil doppelganger of Mama Kelsey, who wasn't terribly nice to begin with.
If being the savior of Sub-Saharan Africa is evil, I don't want to be good!
And hey, Zoe, that whole using the same avatar with a million different names thing? That's my shtick!
There is no finer avatar available than this one.
Zoe Oakeshott--an evil doppelganger of Mama Kelsey, who wasn't terribly nice to begin with.If being the savior of Sub-Saharan Africa is evil, I don't want to be good!
And hey, Zoe, that whole using the same avatar with a million different names thing? That's my shtick!There is no finer avatar available than this one.
Which, regretfully, causes confusion when someone other than you uses the same avatar. Yup, you are one of persons I came to associate with certain avatars and now everytime I see new name with the same avatar I do check alias list :P
Welcome to the company of KaeYoss, Cheapy, SmiloDan, BigNorseWolf, Gorbacz and TOZ in his various incarnations.
Pfffff. How cute. I am sure the New Hampshirean assault on the British isles will amount to a good story when the invaders have been kicked back into the Atlantic again after killing one defender, as it happens an immigrant who still thought "color" was a real word.Scorecard for our European (and elsewhere) brethren:
New Hampshire--Land of freedom and all good stuff, with no sales tax. Home of Doodlebug Anklebiter's Free NH Resistance who, despite the words of Lord Dorkmash. are still continuing the resistance against tyranny. The good people and goblins of NH would NEVER dream of assaulting the British isles, unless it was in alliance with revolting British goblins.
New England--also pretty cool, until it fell under the sway of the tyrannical Lord Dorkmash. and his goblin-enslaving, multiple mobile command center-having, liquor store-owning ways. Beware, beware!
As good as the area described sounds, fact remains that the entirety of the USA is merely a social experiment by the british monarchy, an experiment that is about to end. Your loyalty to what the revolting british goblins are trying here is the reason you can not be trusted. And... No income tax? Whatever makes people think that is a good idea? Then what will fund the extravagant lifestyles to which the aristocracy is entitled???
well, since no-one's proclaimed any interest in the moon i've started the colonisation process. however, there are some things up here that i feel should be returned to their rightful owners... who wants to claim all this abandoned space exploration gear?
@Sissyl: and i was just starting to like you. unfortunately, my cyborg utopia is a collection of equals, and has no room for your elitist views, so our support of your expansionist activities via the supplying of war materials are to cease forthwith.
nothing personal you understand, i've just got to set an example for all of the little cyborg kiddies.
PS: don't get any silly ideas about expanding in our direction... that gear of yours may malfunction somewhat if pointed at a representative of the collective.
Annexing Canada would be very difficult!
No, really, it wouldn't. First we send in our vastly superior military to invade. Then we announce you're annexed. Then we use the PAL list and firearms registry to seize the major supply of resistance weapons. We move six NHL teams from the US to Canada to pacify the population, with the threat that resistance will result in the movement of teams the opposite direction. Then we point out to the western provinces that the US Senate is triple-E, and how would they like to become states? And finally, we remove Jay Leno and start broadcasting the Tonight Show with Rick Mercer across the unified country.
PS: don't get any silly ideas about expanding in our direction... that gear of yours may malfunction somewhat if pointed at a representative of the collective.
Good old sticks and stones save the day again!
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Dear Mr Anklebiter,
I hear you are trying to locate my phone number through all sorts of means. Please refrain from doing so anymore. My friend and new lover Count Gruumash has everything I need in a man and really has alot more to offer to me at this point than a homeless goblin rebel. Perhaps if you were to lay down your arms I might think about inviting you a to cocktail party I am going to throw for Gruumash to celebrate his victory in the Brittish Isles but I will need to wait and see. Hope this sorts out any confusion, but hopefully this won't stop you from buying my movies.
All the Best
Monica Bellucci
I am rendered speechless with hee heeing! Also, damn you Dorkmash.!
PS: don't get any silly ideas about expanding in our direction... that gear of yours may malfunction somewhat if pointed at a representative of the collective.Good old sticks and stones save the day again!
Good thing i invested in stick-and-stone proof armour for my security staff and war androids, isn't it?
Good thing i invested in stick-and-stone proof armour for my security staff and war androids, isn't it?PS: don't get any silly ideas about expanding in our direction... that gear of yours may malfunction somewhat if pointed at a representative of the collective.Good old sticks and stones save the day again!
Even if they are wielded by cute little furries?! Inconceivable! How it is even remotely possible?!
@Drejk: We had it field-tested by the borg. a couple of hits from anything and it will adapt. then we shot up some empty suits with every weapon we could get our hands on until finally nothing could hurt them.
Unfortunately, they make the wearers look like total prats. oh well, you win some, you lose some.
well, since no-one's proclaimed any interest in the moon i've started the colonisation process. however, there are some things up here that i feel should be returned to their rightful owners... who wants to claim all this abandoned space exploration gear?
@Sissyl: and i was just starting to like you. unfortunately, my cyborg utopia is a collection of equals, and has no room for your elitist views, so our support of your expansionist activities via the supplying of war materials are to cease forthwith.
nothing personal you understand, i've just got to set an example for all of the little cyborg kiddies.PS: don't get any silly ideas about expanding in our direction... that gear of yours may malfunction somewhat if pointed at a representative of the collective.
Oooooh, I like a cultured man. However, it seems from your misplaced threats that you simply haven't made an effort to understand the situation correctly.
Utopians keep thinking about making a perfect society, and by that act alone, they doom their efforts in comparison with those content to simply lord it over what society already exists. This is why your strugglings will eventually be fruitless, on a philosophical level. Collection of equals? That only works so long as some are more equal than others.
Second, the technology you were kind enough to send to support us, we retain. In fact, several of the more advanced cyborgs you sent to interface with us are now subjects of rigorous reverse engineering - fully understanding their role and enjoying what we have to offer in terms of money, luxury and, shall we say, creature comforts.
Third, people keep thinking that Europe went away. It didn't. We have loyal agents all over the world, focusing naturally on what is typically called the West, more properly called our Territories. Now, this means that every opposing scheme has to deal with more administrative snarls and missed targets than anything we do. I am sure you are starting to tumble to just how corrupted your decision processes have become.
And, if you insist on threatening us, I think your citizens will find it tough to swallow, for example, the distinct lack of wines, cheeses, designer goods, sports cars, and so on that will be but the first of our response.
But this is silly. You clearly are a cultured lot. We could use people like you, and I am prepared to offer you and your entire citienship full second class citizenship in my glorious Empire, Fuel drop. Far better to join me than have us both waste resources in a struggle, wouldn't you say?
Dear Mr Anklebiter,
I hear you are trying to locate my phone number through all sorts of means. Please refrain from doing so anymore. My friend and new lover Count Gruumash has everything I need in a man and really has alot more to offer to me at this point than a homeless goblin rebel. Perhaps if you were to lay down your arms I might think about inviting you a to cocktail party I am going to throw for Gruumash to celebrate his victory in the Brittish Isles but I will need to wait and see. Hope this sorts out any confusion, but hopefully this won't stop you from buying my movies.
All the Best
Monica Bellucci
So he's decided to keep up the appearance of a victory in the brief struggle I hesitate to call an invasion attempt? Ah well, that will come back to bite him in his nether regions once the parts of his soldiers return in containers.
Did anyone occupied Poland, yet? We haven't full-scale uprising for ages. Socialist government went away suspiciously easy and it's really hard to make uprisings against current government - it's moderately passable despite common criticism and people have too much to lose and too little to gain without actual oppression.
The collective desires only to live in harmony with our neighbors. it is becoming apparent that you object to this philosophy.
So be it. as this planet is not big enough for the both of us, the collective will set forth to colonize the stars. our listening posts will allow us to keep in contact and monitor the events on Terra, and we may resettle here once the various factions have inevitably reduced each other to subatomic ash. may you find fulfillment before you destroy each other.
as a parting gift for the systematic torture and disassemble of our comrades...
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You will all be pleased to know that after a hard fought battle the entire west coast from Washington State to California is now in the hands of the rebels.
After being changed back to our normal human selves and explaining the treachery of the vile two legged pigs my troops were thirsty for battle.
The glorious liberation of Washington then began. After the battles were over and the humans were victorious the last remaining orcs and other "people" if you can call them that are being held in reeducation facilities to help them adjust to their new lives.
Thanks to the orcs and "others" our weapons testing technology is advancing at a wonderful pace.
Naturally any and all property either real or imagined that supposedly belonged to non-humans has been redistributed back to the rightful owners or in the case of the owners not being found has instead been sold to help fund our wartime efforts.
Grummash, the name you gave your sword is very funny and entertaining so in the same spirit I have decided to call my vibro-longsword "pig-sticker"
Don't feel the need to leave you mud wallow anytime soon, as I liberate more and more of the U.S. from the hands of the invading tyrants ( no offense of course Lord Moorluck) I will get to you in time. I'm starting westward and working my way east.
and so it begins
Who said anything about torture? Last I checked, they were quite eminently willing to provide us with every sort of assistance. We of course had to sever them from the collective (faraday cages work so well for this), which desoriented them for a while. Still, the right amount of luxury apartments, special discounts for all sorts of drugs, luxury items, callgirls and -boys and so on soon calmed them down.
Pain is such a crude tool. Wine, cheeses and sex produce far better results.
there is an excessive number of orbital weapons systems over your planet, and none of them seem to be under anyone's control. you may want to check the previous regime's records for any hint at the command codes before anyone else beats you to it.
and Sissyl, we wouldn't bother with the bribes if we were you. those drones have been acting on autopilot since you severed their connection to the collective. enjoy the technology, those diplomatic units are severely under-equipped as far as military hardware is concerned but you should find several useful devices like universal translators, Type 2 fuel cells, and other similar tech... much like that on the units that our other trading partners are no doubt currently disassembling.
I want an orbital mind control laser. Time to pull strings for a new space program.
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My Mediterranean Empire is catching up to you all in technology! We just acquired a new desktop computer. It contains special software I have been told is called "Windows 97". It is clearly futuristic technology, come back from the year 2097 to give my empire an edge. And to think, I got it in the Dell bargain bin at Best Buy.
You should all be very afraid.
I would like to take this opportunity to say that football is for ninnies and that, furthermore, as the flagbearers of Dorkmash's Evil New England Empire, I hope the Patriots get spanked.
Go Giants!