I can rule my dominion from the isle of Capri, like emperor Tiberius.
Except without all the f*!~ed up stuff he did.
Well, without most of it, anyway. We'll decide on a case-by-case basis.
Party like a rock star!
Every day, the newspapers are full of reasons why I should rule the world. Reading and watching the news really is something that one should relegate to minions, but I just take such pleasure in seeing that I am needed. As it stands, it may even be that my legions of pretty bad table manners will be able to act as a primarily defensive force, watching this world's current leaders destroy themselves and each others and passing the popcorn (not that popcorn is allowed by the dietary recommendations for legionnaires, but I am sure you can excuse a figure of speech). This frees up more of my precious time, so I can start drafting rules for how this world should be ruled.
Any suggestions?
I know, it sounds strange that I, Sissyl the Eternal, should ask for the opinions of obviously inferior people. However, the role of a World Empress is not without mercy and empathy. And, if worst comes to worst, it is always good policy to know who wants what.
@Sissyl: i don't think anyone's made a claim for europe yet, so you'll probably be able to take it without any comment from the rest of us. you'll need to overhaul the economy, of course, but other than that it's a pretty decent deal. once you own a couple of countries we can talk about your projected expansion.
@Sissyl: i don't think anyone's made a claim for europe yet, so you'll probably be able to take it without any comment from the rest of us. you'll need to overhaul the economy, of course, but other than that it's a pretty decent deal. once you own a couple of countries we can talk about your projected expansion.
Interesting. Well, the politicians in Europe are quite busy removing themselves from power, so perhaps that is a good pond to begin. And since nobody of consequence apparently wants Europe, well, that's another argument. I can understand it, though. Europe is a mess of different countries, different laws, peoples, customs, stories, languages. How much simpler life will be there when there is only the Profane Empire of Sissyl the Eternal. Perhaps I could get the European Parliament to seek full second-class citizenship in the Empire?
Oh, and regarding economy: A good, functioning economy means that those who are poor have no political influence. The logical endpoint of this, then, is that the only one with political influence, me, has all the resources. If others get anything at all, then that is a matter of whether I choose to be benevolent or not. Euro crisis, seriously? Modern politicians have no grasp of the finer nuances of economy.
OK now this just isn't fair.
From the standpoint of any good rebel fighting against the oppressive rule of an evil drow elf( or dark elf not sure of Moorlucks preference here) is one thing but fighting against a lovely lady! that's just not gentlemanly. Please do consider ruling Europe Lady Sissly I understand it is quite nice.
and now back to our regularly scheduled rebellion already in progress.
Fueldrop you fiend! How could you do that to those poor unsuspecting women. I do have to admit the replacement of the silicon implants with C4 was ingenious but still very evil. You could have completely destroyed the kitchen and the barracks section of the rebel camp however I am pleased to report no major lose of life due to sheer luck.
You all are just keeping my seat warm. Enjoy it while you can.
-ett
Rev 3:16
At first I was weighing the pros and cons of Moorluck vs. Mr. Tindall. Moorluck's right out, of course, because he's allied with my bitter enemy, Dorkmash and his self-styled New England empire. I was leaning towards Mr. Tindall, but then he had to unleash his racist tirade against orcs. As a member of a highly oppressed people myself, I can't stand that kind of bigotry.
Sissyl claiming Europe I can get behind (and not only because she's got a sexy avatar), but that's far away and will probably be of little use in helping the Free Goblin Resistance. And now Evil Tim is throwing his hat into the ring, so I'm just going to say "f%!* it" and hereby announce my candidacy for lider maximo of these United States of America.
Goblins and workers of the world, unite!
At first I was weighing the pros and cons of Moorluck vs. Mr. Tindall. Moorluck's right out, of course, because he's allied with my bitter enemy, Dorkmash and his self-styled New England empire. I was leaning towards Mr. Tindall, but then he had to unleash his racist tirade against orcs. As a member of a highly oppressed people myself, I can't stand that kind of bigotry.
Sissyl claiming Europe I can get behind (and not only because she's got a sexy avatar), but that's far away and will probably be of little use in helping the Free Goblin Resistance. And now Evil Tim is throwing his hat into the ring, so I'm just going to say "f%%& it" and hereby announce my candidacy for lider maximo of these United States of America.
Goblins and workers of the world, unite!
Ok comrade I can understand you being a little upset and due to you goblin intellect more than just a little confused however I would like to propose an alliance between our two groups.
You know the orcs are going to bully you vertically challenged folks so why not join in the cause of us rebels?We'll let you keep any captured orcs as YOUR slaves for a change. Granted there may not be that many survivors but the ones that do are all yours. We will even have special housing for you and them in your own section of the desert. You can mine or farm or whatever it is your kind does and have the big strong orcs do the heavy work.
We humans are on your side if you side with us.
Oh, rebels are already planning on slavery and division of spoils? I know that every revolution degenerates and corrupts the once-just rebels but you haven't even really started yet.
Yeah, I'm not too big into having slaves--even if the idea of making Dorkmash strip to his skivvies and serve me Budweisers all day long is tempting. Sorry, Mr. Tindall, but I'm going to have to overthrow you, too.
See, this is what my why I nuked the goblins, those little critters are just never happy with anything.
I do trust, Lord of the Capri, that you will be sending a steady supply of that good stuff to New Moorluckia in exchange for a few legions of loyal soldiers to help protect you from outside threats?
And remember folks, New Moorluckia can export our fierce and highly trained mercenary forces to any country in need.
Pfft. You can nuke us all you want, it just makes us more virile.
Does anyone have Louisiana yet? Can I have it? Can I have the Caribbean, too?
Does anyone have Louisiana yet? Can I have it? Can I have the Caribbean, too?
Only if you promise to raise an army of vodoun zombies. We can't allow Caribbean dictator that is not a bokor. That would not be classy. Hm, Mama Kelsey, Mama MacAilbert... which sounds better?
Does anyone have Louisiana yet? Can I have it? Can I have the Caribbean, too?Only if you promise to raise an army of vodoun zombies. We can't allow Caribbean dictator that is not a bokor. That would not be classy. Hm, Mama Kelsey, Mama MacAilbert... which sounds better?
Mama Kelsey. Definitely.
I promise fresh gumbo and Cuban cigars for everybody!
I promise fresh gumbo and Cuban cigars for everybody!
Yum.
While I do not smoke, Cuban cigars reminded me of certain cigar-ad video... On the other hand, if you will be rulling archipelago of zombies, no.
They are voodoo zombies. Voodoo zombies don't eat people.
I was refering to cigar video. If those two beautiful ladies making... that cigar were replaced with zombies... Nah, not the same sight.
I have not seen this video, but I am now creeped out.
If any of you want to get rid of excess smokers from your domains, i'll take them for you.
Like your not claiming them already. Anyone can recognize your work in creating such unholy abominations. Mixing man and machine to the point where the man is nothing more than a carrier for the machine is your hallmark Feuldrop.
You pass yourself off as a simple arms dealer but your "hidden" agenda is very clear.
You pass yourself off as a simple arms dealer but your "hidden" agenda is very clear.
Which begs question: what is FuelDrops *real* hidden agenda?
You pass yourself off as a simple arms dealer but your "hidden" agenda is very clear.Which begs question: what is FuelDrops *real* hidden agenda?
What hidden hidden agenda? *whistles innocently*
listen to the rebels, i've only got a hidden agenda.
You pass yourself off as a simple arms dealer but your "hidden" agenda is very clear.Which begs question: what is FuelDrops *real* hidden agenda?What hidden hidden agenda? *whistles innocently*
listen to the rebels, i've only got a hidden agenda.
Oh, ok then, carry on.
I don't have a hidden agenda.
I'm simply not a nice guy.
All right, who's in charge of Venezuela? Did you really think you could get away with what you just did? I'm going to pound you so hard, the Spanish will feel it!
Now that the unfortunate but necessary military matters are handled, I am proud to announce the plans for the formation of a brand new economy! Never again will my fellow islanders have to scavenge and starve in the wake of mass national disasters! We're a first world country now!
At least until Venezuela runs out of oil.
I, for one, welcome our new overlords, whoever they turn out to be.
@Kelsey: good to hear. welcome to the first world! (or what's left of it...)
You'd better. I have Venezuelan rebels coming out orifices I didn't even know I had. I am not in the mood to be messed with.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooh. I am in for a good pounding. Is that a bar of soap there on the ground or are you happy to cleanse me?
Ha! I've got the Cuban army! And pissed off Cajuns! Let the pounding commence!
You're gonna be in for some trouble there Kels, Looziahna was given to the Zombie masses, and you better not mess with Venezuela's blow production.
As long as we get our blow, I don't care what else you do there though.
Deal. I just want the oil.
Could we get over that damn black sludge? We wouldn't need it (as fuel at least) for years if oil concerns weren't undermining development of more efficient engines and power sources.
Which also begs a question: which of upcoming overlord is willing to crush great companies and execute corps?
[Hiding amongst the tropical forest underbrush with an advance regiment of the First Volunteers from the Toussaint L'Overture Brigade, Doodlebug Anklebiter and an alliance of narco-terrorists, guerrillas and landless peasants prepare to drive Mama Kelsey out of Venezuela. This revolutionary victory will not only stike a blow against New Moorluckia, Dorkmash and other neoimperialist powers, it will provide Free NH with valuable pertochemical resources and free drugs.]
Could we get over that damn black sludge? We wouldn't need it (as fuel at least) for years if oil concerns weren't undermining development of more efficient engines and power sources.
Which also begs a question: which of upcoming overlord is willing to crush great companies and execute corps?
Anything involving executions has my full approval! Even more so when it involves executing fat overpaid executives that use the law to pad their own bank accounts while destroying the economy and well being of the common man, or woman if you are one.
As for the future of big business? I say The People should reap the benefits of their hard work, not let some cheeseball executive sitting on his ass be rewarded for their efforts!
Oh and oil. I think with a little concerted effort on the part of the various Super Powers we can ween ourselves off that prehistoric dino poo in a decade or even less if we really try.
I agree, Moorluck, but it's not going to happen. The oil companies don't want it to happen, and they have too much power to go against.
Big oil is no match for me.
<performs tebowing>
-ett
Rev 3:16
i have plans for the oil exectuves. not going into too much detail here, but... think The Matrix.
also, here in australia we've got all this lovely desert. i'll set up the solar farms and electrolite labs, then we can set up some sort of trade agreement for bulk liquified hydrogen.
i have plans for the oil exectuves. not going into too much detail here, but... think The Matrix.
also, here in australia we've got all this lovely desert. i'll set up the solar farms and electrolite labs, then we can set up some sort of trade agreement for bulk liquified hydrogen.
No see that's using the old noggin!
Hmmm, the more I think about it, the more I think this division of the earths continents will work out just fine. Everyone doing there part to keep the world moving forward, while furthering our own goals... it's a win win!
Ah, but I mean dead things oil. How is my Louisiana-Caribbean empire to be a first world power if I do not invade a third world country for petroleum?
Ah, but I mean dead things oil. How is my Louisiana-Caribbean empire to be a first world power if I do not invade a third world country for petroleum?
can i suggest that you find some insanly flimsy excuse, coerce and threaten a coalition of other countries into aiding your invasion. i'll plant false evidence for you if you like... what would you like? nukes, chemical weapons, bio-weapon labs? take your pick, i can falsify them all! (for a price, of course. friend discount.)
I was thinking of accusing Venezuela of carrying out missile tests in my airspace and "accidentally" hitting one of my islands.