Flex your creative muscle with the Random Magic Item Generator

[Kris Newton]

Alex Head wrote:

Illuminated Tritons' Sandals of the Dwarven Exorcism of the Insane Sea Serpents

Nearly lost in this morass of incoherency: the fact that tritons can't even wear sandals.

[Curaigh]

Alabaster Circlet of Telepapthic Projection & Divinations

meh... you already know what it does.

[RonarsCorruption]

Alex Head wrote:

Illuminated Tritons' Sandals of the Dwarven Exorcism of the Insane Sea Serpents

Clearly, a particularly clever triton made these sandals for dwarven clerics, to grant them a bonus on removing insanity from sea serpents.

[Jeff Lee]

RonarsCorruption wrote:

Alex Head wrote:

Illuminated Tritons' Sandals of the Dwarven Exorcism of the Insane Sea Serpents

Clearly, a particularly clever triton made these sandals for dwarven clerics, to grant them a bonus on removing insanity from sea serpents.

Sounds like a good story to me. Seems a bit too specific for a superstar quality item though.

[Dagesk Kingdomworthy]

Marvelous Metallic Draught of Heat Balls

...
...
...
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I don't even want to touch that

[Walter Sheppard]

I can't...I can't...I can't stop laughing.

Banded Mail of the Ceremony of Time Deflection
Canines' Charm of Minor Ooze Blasts
Hateful Berserker's Leather Armor of Courage Lances
Villainous Immovable Trumpet of Muck

:D

[B.A. Ironskull]

Ghost's Drink- allows user to speak with dead, but only after one sip is poured on the ground in respect to fallen gnomies.

Fortuitous Glaive of Deflect Nothing Granted by Shelyn to bad artists.

Celestial bow of Kraken killing YES!!!!!

Animate Pyramid of the Working of Goblin Calling The epitome of "Random"- a six-legged pyramid that beckons summoners to it, and enhances their spells to summon goblins. Duh ;)

[Melissa Litwin]

Anklet of the Studious Walker's Divination of Viciousness

This is a silver ankle bangle that jangles as the person walks. It provides a constant longstrider effect. Twice per day, the wearer of the anklet can read the interplay of flashing of the anklet and its musical jingling as a swift action in order to provide a +2 enhancement bonus unarmed attacks for the next minute.

[ulgulanoth]

Awl-pike of Villainous Barbarism - sounds good for a villian, right?
Bullet of the Knights - magic bullet with smite?
Gear of the Intelligent Fletcher - arrow making magic item?
Haunted Drink of Slayers - drink that haunts people with the ghosts of peopel they kill?
Innocent Animal's Draught - so, bonus to handel animal?
Pyramid of Ooze Shields - wha?
Returner's Buckler - a buckler
Spear of Quality Alteration - spear that alters the quality of items it hits?
Villainous Scintillating Brew - don't touch that drink, it glows with evil!
Worldly Banded Mail - its been alround the world

[Wolfsnap]

Geez - all I got out of it was:

Vorpal Machine

Which is almost too terrible to contemplate. I'm thinking it's probably similar to the puzzle box in hellraiser, but with more decapitations.

[NeonParrot]

Accursed Golden Axe of Undead Seduction
This is my favorite . . . goes with the Infernal Beater

Armguard of Eternal Time Arrows
Eternal Time Arrows are a rock band playing Andoran and Cheliax.

Banded Mail of Sapphire and Ruthlessness
Perfect for that ex-GF

Bastard Sword of the Abjuration of Transform Striding
eh?

Caring Summoner's Shield of the Infernal Beater
A bondage device?

Hatchet of Barbarian Control
This sounds perfect!

and the best one so far . . . .
Golem's Hammer of Slay Caster
big golem big hammer err, well, you get the idea . . . .

[Saltamentes]

Barbaric Barbarian's Bracelet

Not usuable by your regular barbarian, you have to be a BARBARIC BARBARIAN to use this bracelet.

Celestial Undead's Club of Time and Compassion

For all your celestial undead needs!

Scimitar of Scent Control

Yes Troglodytes, we're looking at you.

Bears' Sphere of Forbidden Desire Chains

Okay this one just sounds kinky.

Otherworldly Meteoric Contraption of Opening Negation

If you can tell me what this would do, cudos to you.

[Kris Newton]

Saltamentes wrote:

\

Otherworldly Meteoric Contraption of Opening Negation

If you can tell me what this would do, cudos to you.

This fascinating clockwork device fell from the stars in an age long past. It glows and hums with an enigmatic power that lies behind its many latches and seals. Alas, it cannot be opened.

Prerequisites: Arcane Lock, Light, alien sense of humor

[Caineach]

OwlbearRepublic wrote:

Saltamentes wrote:

\

Otherworldly Meteoric Contraption of Opening Negation

If you can tell me what this would do, cudos to you.

This fascinating clockwork device fell from the stars in an age long past. It glows and hums with an enigmatic power that lies behind its many latches and seals. Alas, it cannot be opened.

Prerequisites: Arcane Lock, Light, alien sense of humor

My take:

This object is made by taking working in noqual into a key. When inserted into a lock, it seems to disappear. The lock is protected as per arcane lock. In addition, anyone attempting to open the lock without the proper key must first crack the patern in annother plane. They must make a will save (DC17) or be confused for 1 minute.

[Eric Hindley]

Saltamentes wrote:

Otherworldly Meteoric Contraption of Opening Negation

If you can tell me what this would do, cudos to you.

It's an adamantine door stop...

[Mike Kimmel]

Eric Hindley wrote:

Saltamentes wrote:

Otherworldly Meteoric Contraption of Opening Negation

If you can tell me what this would do, cudos to you.

It's an adamantine door stop...

Invented by a gnome, no doubt...

[Jeff Lee]

Celestial Drakes' Mandolin of Slime Aura

Hmm...a musical instrument that, when played, coats the performer in a glowing pink ooze. Any evil outsiders that attack find the ooze clings to them or their weapons, dealing damage.

Or perhaps one that causes oozes to perceive the player of the instrument as one of their own, thereby causing them to ignore the mandolin player.

[Jeff Lee]

Gown of Bronze Ball

...

I'm just glad "ball" is singular, otherwise I'd be making some very inappropriate commentary as to the item's effects.

[Debihuman]

Spined Tiara of Healing and Cruelty Just what every adventurer wants to wear on that "special" occasion.