Last one to post wins


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First someone stole her pets, then turned them into trombone.


WAAHHHHH!

Sovereign Court

*Gives Schism a firm slap on the back of her head.*

Stop crying! What's the matter with you?!

*Turns attention to everyone else (especially Dedrick).*

For the record, Stage 2 of the Count's plan was when he sent Vampire Schism to the other universe.

*Briefly coughs for a moment.*

Excuse me. Oh, and Stage 1 of the Count's plan is always to write it out first.


She wasn't crying. She's auditioning for a job as a trombone, despite not being a snake.

Sovereign Court

Oh! I see... well, why didn't she say so?

*Gives Schism another firm slap on the back of her head.*

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Ah, I get it. The Count’s plan. 1 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10.

And then he ran out of fingers.


I thought he had control of Mt. Crumpet's Strategic Finger Stockpile?


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Falls unconscious from one slap too many.

THUD!

Sovereign Court

Oh dear...

*Feels a little bit guilty, so gently picks Schism up and carries her to a bed.*

I'll get some medicine and a glass of water.

*Begins looking for first aid box.*

With regards to Mt. Crumpet's Strategic Finger Stockpile, it's owned by whoever is planning at the time.

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Of course, there’s only one finger there. ‘Cause that’s all ya need.


You don't need any fingers. You're an Orb.


Zzzzz

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*Is still being inflated, along with Pulg's Goblin Flugelhorn Band.*


snore

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*Finally locates first aid box.*

Here we are, time to stop feeling guilty!

*Applies bandages and medicine to Schism whilst she is still sleeping.*


When applying bandages, always be sure to leave a breathing hole.


Feeling woozy, but better.


Who's woozy?

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BANG!

*Explodes due to being inflated too much (the same thing happens to Pulg's Goblin Flugelhorn Band).*


O well. If we plant some more Goblin Bulbs now, they'll be grown by spring. Maybe these ones will play in tune.

Sovereign Court

If we're growing henchmen, then please tell us how you do it.

Because I've been trying for years and nothing's working!


The trick is in the fertiliser. Only a mixture of week-old Farm Foods Lasagna Pies, the gunk scraped out from the inside of a nun's trombone, kapok, and distilled scowls will do.

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That explains a lot. I just shove'em into the ground head first and hope they grow!


Oh, look; a new month. Time to get my smurf on.


Don't believe Pulg, Mr. Grinch.
Ask him why he shaves before planting?

Sovereign Court

Pulg SHAVES?!

He should know there's nothing wrong with a little dirt in the fuzz, it's a sign of good luck.


'Why does Pulg shave?'
'Why is fire wet?'
'Why was Lenin a maroon 1982 Ford Escort Huntsman Estate, filled with Weetabix and propelled by wolf nerves?'

Meditate on these questions while drinking Tippex and repeatedly headbutting a gong and ENLIGHTMENT will be yours, grasshopper.

Sovereign Court

That sounds like the sort of advice we'd give to a certain (and dearly missed) message board troll.


Alas, poor Nasty Orc.
I miss him well.

sniff

Sovereign Court

What you talking about? I'm right HERE!


:sighs:

Yes. I wonder if anything will fill the void of his passing... Such charisma! Such a Physique! And by far, the most taut and firm [REDACTED] I ever set my [REDACTED] into.

Why, if he were to return, I would perform all manner of unwholesome misdeeds upon him to show my regard for him. Nothing. I mean nothing would stand in my way.


Tell me, honoured sir, is it true that licking a Smurf has the same effect on one's person as does Viagra?


Ha! Ha! You smurfed.

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And so did you.

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And so could you, if your skin were blue.


Last thread post ever right here. no more after this. this is the end.
I win!

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Congratulations. Nice job. Oh, wait, I guess the congratulations go to me after all.

Sovereign Court

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Now slow down here, who's won? Because I'm really confused.

This game hasn't made sense since it started!


The Purple Golem has won. The Purple Golem always wins.

Sovereign Court

Ah, I see...

That makes so much sense now!


Pulg wrote:
The Purple Golem has won. The Purple Golem always wins.

Bro, you're wrong, bro. Space Bishop Pumpy Narkwell has won, bro.


Gracious, how foolish of me - of course Space Bishop Pumpy Narkwell has won, not just this thread, but EVERY thread on www.paizo.com. To atone for my error, I'm going to go and thrash myself while my wives sing the Space Bishop Pumpy Narkwell Song.


God save our gracious Pumpy,
Long live our noble Narkwell,
God save Space Bishop Pumpy Narkwell.
His trousers are glorious,
His tantrums notorious,
His bowel movements, labourious,
Pump pump pump Pumpy.


Pulg wrote:
Tell me, honoured sir, is it true that licking a S***f has the same effect on one's person as does Viagra?

Establishing and maintaining a prodigious arousal is less about the "what" and more about the "how".

For example, I might dine on a small blue creature (fried, pickled, served cold, toasted, or roasted) as a light snack and nothing more. Then again, I might keep one aside to watch as I dine upon its azure fellows, its anticipation and dread slowly building until I eventually swallow it whole, feeling it wriggle desperately on the way down, hearing its faint cries, first of fear, then of agony as digestion begins.

That will keep you up at night, let me assure you.


lol

SmurfToucher.


Creepy blue thing.

Kill
Kill
Kill

Sovereign Court

Let me join you!

*Gives Schism a flamethrower to use.*


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Whoosh

I like this.


Cor poo. Burnt snnvvrph smells worse than burnt hair, and I should know

Sovereign Court

*Is too busy setting fire to everything to listen.*

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