Would like some feedback on my first wondrous item, thanks to anyone who gives their time. Written as submitted, didnt catch the BBCode Tags were missing for the italics as I had done them on my comp or the lack of the lower case spells. I have an edited version on my comp as I am reading the critique thread and learning the gaps made.
Naturesmith Gloves
Aura Strong Transmutation CL 15th
Slot Hands; Price 14,400 gp; Weight 1 lbs.
Description
These brown leather gloves appear worn and well cared for, each bearing an image of Torag’s hammer and tong on their palm. When a command word is spoken these gloves produce white clay that has morphic properties 3 times a day. The gloves produce clay at a maximum rate of 1 cubic foot per round or until 15 cubic feet of clay has been produced. After the gloves produce 15 cubic feet of clay the gloves become inert for 24 hours while the gloves renew their magical energies. The wearer can apply this clay to any non-magical, non-special stone, metal or wood at a rate of 5ft per round, clay used on invalid materials is wasted as it rapidly crumbles to dust. The clay changes 1 round after application transforming permanently into the same material it covers. For example, clay spread over a wooden doorframe seals the door to the frame as if it were a solid piece. The thickness, hardness and hit points are of regular clay until it is applied to stone, wood or metal, the clay gains the new materials hardness and hit points. If the clay is applied to any precious metal or mineral the duration is treated as the spell Major Creation with a caster level of 15th.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Polymorph Any Object, Major Creation, creator must have 10 ranks in the Craft (Sculpting) skill; Cost 7,200 gp
Kicking off a new page, I think. (Eh. Ninja'd.)
Gloves of Passage
Gloves carved from stone? That's... interesting.
Any surface? That seems like it needs some limits or definition.
How are you attacking through a wall? Total concealment, I guess. I think that's bending concealment to its breaking point, though. Oh, wait, you say they ignore "cover (even total)". Goodness.
Transmute rock to mud seems OK. I'd drop the other one and go with Transmute metal to wood or something like it to tie into being able to ignore (presumably) metallic armor.
Searing Vestment of the Dawnflower
Then, you reference searing light, but do something weird with it. Searing light is light, it doesn't have force, it's more heat and energy than push. Tripping is weird, and you don't reference damage done, forcing someone to look up the spell. Then the item's caster level. If you're playing, that's needing to open two books to look it up. You should at least mention that it'd be 5d8 or 10d6 to undead.
Damage as CMB is also weird, but you already know that much.
So yeah, neat idea, but the weird tripping-with-light and making the user do a lot of lookup is the issue I have with it.
Nexus of Blessed Mists
Now, it's a neat item. I like the idea of a lingering channel energy and a holy cloud. Unfortunately, the cloud also blocks your vision, so it's a bit of a major drawback on that front.
Anyways, the wording here is a little messy. You could have explained how the mist works in half as many sentances, and it might have worked better.
And as to being held upside-down two things. Firstly, those things are usually on chains or ropes as far as I know, they'd be fine if the person carrying them was knocked over. And secondly, how often do you find undead who would hold you upside down? Really, you didn't need to include that factor at all.
Overall, not a bad item, but I feel your writing could use some practice.
Eyes of the Past
Anyways, these items strike me as super limited in scope. So limited that I'd even call them a plot-device. Thirty minutes is not very long ago. in fact, I recall a spell (from 3.e somewhere) that let you do this up to a week ago. Which is insanely more useful.
Especially when you consider the huge price. over 90k to find out what happened 30 minutes ago once a day, a chance of losing the item forever, and no use against even mundane darkness? By the time you have 90k to spend on something like this you probably have access to clerics to consult the gods themselves more easily than these glasses will be useful.
Nice name at least. :)
Seekers Eye
24 hours after first charge was used is a bad mechanic. Not only abusable, it's extra rules-keeping. Renew the charges at dawn, save everyone some work. Same with the 'as long as he can see the source of it'. That's not a rule. As long as you are aware of it is the rule.
Next, even for 50k this item is insanely powerful against humanoids. round 1, I ignore target's armor, make a full attack. Round two, the first effect is still running, I activate the second power and then get a full attack against flat-footed touch AC. that's 10 for most things, and when you have 50k to spend, you can hit 10AC.
So yeah, description is a little unpolished, and mechanics are really unbalanced.
Hungry Ghost Mask
Anyways, your description is a little too backstory-riffic. This particular item looks like Jiang Shi? What about other masks? The blood flecks is good, but it still feels like you're describing one item, not a type of item.
Secondly, the effect is neat, but I can't imagine why you would give a save to halve damage on it. I mean, a strong PC has a con of 18 , which is +4 modifier. So you get a save to reduce 4 damage to 2. Even at level 1, that's nearly no damage at all. Which means I would never want this item.
And that's enough of a killer there - the item will probably do 4 damage to one or two targets a battle. That's less than a quarterstaff. I'd spend my 10k on something else.
Penumbral Ligatures
I like the visuals of the item. They're really good. I don't like how strong this item is. The biggest problem is the five tendrils part. You touch someone once, they have to spend five rounds escaping. All the while you can hit them with touch spells from a safe distance and shoot them with arrows etc.
And if they break your item, no biggie, it just reforms. What could have made this item awesome would be to cut the price down to about a quarter. Then, each time you use it, you only shoot out one tendril to entangle someone, and if it's cut off it's gone. Also, when you cast a spell through them, the tendril burns up. Which makes it a five star wonder, and no longer ten levels of free touch attacks per day, plus infinite entangle and remote control.
Ironwood Vest
First I was wondering why you specified five fasteners, and the bonuses per fastener. Then the last sentance explained it to me, which still seems a little lame, because the rest of the item's power is pretty good. At least, once you extrapolate it from your poor rules-fu.
You reiterate the restrictions of the Metal to Wood spell twice (which don't need to be repeated even once), and you don't even list the effects of the spell. You really don't need to say 'this doesn't affect artifacts' twice. Really. And then you say 'melee weapons only, even if thrown'. Which is dumb. So, firing an arrow at you is immune to the enchantment, but throwing my sword turns it to wood?
You had a cool idea, but it's all bogged down by poor rules-fu and, no offence intended, poor writing. I hope to see you in next year's competition with a more practiced hand.
Ersatz Elixir
Your price is a little misleading. 1000gp per ounce and 9-12 ounces per flask is a little weird. Better to list the price for a full container (12000gp) and say if found as treasure it will simply be missing 1d4 charges. Clearer, and less words.
Secondly, defining the container a potion was in is a little grey. Adventurers normally don't track trash left over from potions, the flasks are spent when the potion is drank - this requires extra work on their parts, in case they want to use it.
And then they have to re-pour it in and out of the bottle every 24 hours. You say they could prolong it by adding more, but it's simpler to just pour it into a new container - it doesn't spoil, it reverts. That's a major flaw. Why put a time limit if it's just a time limit on how long until the user needs to take another standard action?
Then, you add in lots of new mechanics for potions. Which are bad, as it feels tacked on. Any 4th level spell, maximized, as a potion. Even ones that can't normally be a potion. That's bending the rules too much.
Smoking Crock of the Vengeful Beekeeper
The item on the other hand is fairly good. Your language is a little clunky, but the item is fairly good. Though, physically it's also clunky. 9lbs, plus an unspecified amount of fuel (firewood is heavy!). Making this a censer and halving the weight and defining the fuel would be a good step.
Your language as to which squares are which is a little awkward too. You can move through the smoky and vermin filled squares? What if you take the crock with you? How long does the smoke remain if it's windy, etc. Reference a spell, like obscuring mist to save yourself words.
Lastly, the bit about commanding the vermin is a little overkill. It feels tacked on and a little unneeded, the item would have been fine before.
And another thing - beekeepers aren't exciting. bees can be, but you need to pick your names carefully, they have a huge impact on how your item is viewed.
The Not Lost Box
Next, the name is hard. Say it three times fast, and you'll see why - it's a bad combination of syllables, too many 'o's. It's hard to read too because it's four words long - and it also eats into word count.
You say the owner needs to rotate the symbol clockwise. But there are six symbols. And why is the box not square? The specific dimensions take a lot of work to track. Stick with XX lbs, especially since you're dealing with extraspatial storage.
And all the mechanics related to it are just terrible. The items are gone forever unless you can scrape up half the box, or your descendant open it or.. no, this is just bad. too clunky, too complicated, totally unessicarry.
Writing about supernatural storage just doesn't work for you.
Jotunblood Mantle
Your item is simple, which is good. The problem is that you then explain everything in excruciating detail and get some of it messed up. For instance Swallow whole is just a monster-specific combat maneuver. You don't need to single it out. Saying the item makes you one size category larger in terms of CMB and CMD is enough ,and the numbers you listed are nice, but incomplete. It probably would have been better just to have this treat you as larger.
Saurian Choker
The idea for the item is okay, but it might have been cooler if you had all three dinosaurs in one necklace, rather than each one being three of the same dinosaur.
The function is decent, but your wording overall isn't very tight. We don't say 'This effect’s duration is measured in minute increments, and need not be consecutive minutes.' we say 'These minutes do not need to be consecutive, but they must be spent in 1-minute increments.'
Gloves of Passage
But then you had to add the ability to make people attack to and forth with the gloves through walls. That's no good, remember it doesn't have to do damage to be wondrous. Ignoring the combat bits, these are really good.
... Man there are a lot of you guys.
Hammer of the Master Craftsman
I think I may go a bit more into this then Joe has, mainly since I love crafting and optimization. Any craftsmen would want to have this, but its way over powered though in terms of what a person could craft and break. Magical items or items made of special materials factor their cost by benefits they receive, in terms of higher hp and hardness etc. If I pay 16,500 for Adamantine Full Plate and then tap its broken so is your item.
The item also seems like its a parallel version of Father's Forgehammer from the Pathfinder Chronicles Gods and Magic page 56. IMHO for the cost of the item for the absolute carnage any decently built character could unleash with it is game breaking. Crafting can become deadly in terms of character wealth and craft times/downtime are one of the balancing factors. Crafting a magical item at 5 times the speed is very hard to balance in a game especially with xp gone as a requirement for some items.
A balanced way for this would of been a variant of the mechanics for some of the 3.5 feats (they had plenty that reduced cost, craft time etc) similar to the Fathers Forgehammer. The item sundering ability would have to not be based off of each attack, cut down to once a day or something more balanced, with a decent save similar to Shatter or a bonus to the wielders CMB such as shattering strike. Even for the price at 28,000 it would not be hard for a mid level character to craft one for half cost and become a God on the battlefield against equipment wearing opponents.
Please feel free to message me with your thoughts, and apologize if it seems rough but I hope this has been helpful.
Thanks Ronar,
With your input and the feedback Joe Wells provided, I have a good idea about my missteps.
~Dean; The_Minstrel_Wyrm
another few minutes, another few items.
Bone Melter
Or the first sentence. I got that from the name, glad to see it's literal. If I weren't intending on reading the whole thing, I'd normally stop reading right here.
Anyways, further reading shows this to be a 4500 instant kill item. I was right, it is insanely overpowered. Sure, the target has to be helpless, but sleep is a low level spell. And then it apparently permanently removes the target's skeleton, and it's just a matter of time before death, unless it gets dispelled. Which really means it's a spell in a can, and more than likely a series of saves or dies until the target dies. Yech.
Phoenix Knights' Misericorde
Anyways, the description of the item is really good, save for the whispering bit, but the problem is in activation. 'when active' you say. How do I activate it? How long does it take? How long does it last? So long as I wear it? if so, sweet!
Then, it's triggering sounds like it would take a long time, it does a lot of things and that would leave it time to be interrupted. And then it teleports away, which is kinda neat - except that it leaves behind a 15 round spell effect, which is really long.
And since it's targeted to those who fight devils and such, does it cross planar boundaries with it's teleport? It sounds like it should.
This item needs a lot of balance before it'd be usuable, but it's a cool core idea.
Nightmare Flask
Also, good description, but a weighing a little too much on the story behind it instead of the item itself.
The effect starts off great. Diverting fear into the flask, then forcing someone to drink the fear is cool. The nightmare effect is neat too. The problem comes where you describe who is drinking. Yeah, tricking someone into drinking fear is evil. So is tricking someone into drinking poison, it's obvious so you don't need to state it. The only way to empty the flask is to have a creature drink it. It might be fun to be able to force someone to drink it, and make them suffer the nightmares.
And then, remove the what if it breaks scenario. That seems unneeded.
Overall, a good item, but you went a little too high, icarus (greek reference), aim a little bit lower next time and you'll probably do awesome.
have a good night, guys! Hopefully, I can get to a few more of these this weekend before the thread explodes with entries. ;)
Grafting Clamp
Aura strong necromancy; CL 15th
Slot varies; Price 32,000 gp; Weight 1lb
DescriptionThis circular clamp has small barbed hooks all around its edges. When activated, a freshly removed limb from one creature can be grafted to another willing creature as a full round action. A limb can only be removed from a creature that is dead and must be attached to the wearer within one minute of the donor creature’s death.
The donor creature and the wearer of a grafting clamp must be within one size category of each other.
If a grafting clamp is successfully dispelled with dispel magic or antimagic field the limb falls off. The limb can be reattached within one minute after which a newly harvested limb must be used.
Different limbs can be attached as follows:
Arm: Body Slot; The wearer gains the reach of the donor creature’s arm when using the grafted arm. If the donor creature had a natural attack with the arm the wearer gains a secondary attack equal to the donor creature’s natural attack with the arm. Use the damage dice and strength modifier from the donor creature. The wearer does not gain any special attacks the donor creature had. The arm cannot wield a weapon.
Head: Shoulder Slot; The wearer gains the ability to hear and speak the languages the donor creature knew. The wearer gains a +2 profane bonus to all knowledge skills in which the donor creature had ranks. The attached head is always awake allowing the wearer to be alert while sleeping.
Wings: Chest Slot; The wearer gains a fly speed equal to half the donor creature’s fly speed with poor maneuverability.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, make whole, animate dead; Cost 16,000 gp
Review (2 on this)
I love this item and the idea of it. I was talking about with my buds at work and we started talking about the rule sets for lost body parts. True this is a huge (gapping) hole in the general rule set that never takes a true look at how damage is applied to the body. (Double critical hit rolls make a fort save or have a random such and such happen that results in such and such affect…etc). Since that is the case this items begins to have its charm stripped a little down to the bare bones of it. (Pun intended)You must either volunteer to loss a limb or chop off the body parts of what you kill. The exceptions would be extremely sharp weapons low level and mid level modules wouldn’t find your players facing and at higher levels you can simple go after a regeneration spell and replace what you lost so this really is coming down to what you kill being applied to your body for the strict purpose of gaining a special benefit from the limbs being added, which is how I suspect you are intending it to be. (You can tell I have had this thing on my mind. I so want to create something like this in my CHILL modules because it so fits!!!!)
That being said the problem as I see it becomes how it is going to be used to gain some kind of advantage over common low to mid level characters.
My buddy said: Cut off my Monk’s arms and graft on 2 Ape arms! The later friend wanted to graft on a female head onto his sleeping male characters body.
Then the oh brother thoughts popped into my head as I saw the players taking the idea into the campy realm of Monty P. (Bummer… I loved it so much… and still feel it belongs in a great horror story where magic does not exist.)
Again great idea
here is mine for review... I intended this item to work with the AT I created for the contest, the villain, and finally the lands and module.. enjoy and feel free to use it.
Boots of the Masterful Step
Aura: faint Transmutation Magic; CL 6th
Slot Feet; Price 10,000 gp; Weight 2 pounds
These typical looking black leather boots grant the wearer with the ability to consciously control the nature of their footprints and adjust them at will simply by thinking about the creature, animal, humanoid or giant which is within the size limitations they wish to mimic and those tracks are left. The wearer can also decide to leave no tracks at all or stop and start tracks at will. The wearer can also decide to increase or decrease the size of the tracks they leave by 1 size category. (For instance a Medium sized creature wearing these boots could leave footprints of a Troll or Hobbit.) These boots will adjust to fit Small, Medium, or Large sized creatures but are generally found in Medium sizes.
Limitations: The Boots cannot replicate the tracks of magical creatures, outsiders or creatures that are larger or smaller then the size restrictions of the wearer. Example: Someone that is a small size could not duplicate large sized creature’s footprints.
Faint transmutation Magic; CL 6th; Craft Wondrous Item, Alter Self; Pass Without Trace; Price 10,000 gp.
“The Ranger indicated that the tracks left by the thief were made by a goblin. We followed them till we reached the bridge leading outside of town. From that point on the only tracks remaining were made by that of men. We could not find the goblin tracks which seemed to vanish into thin air. After further investigation past the bridge a single set of human tracks lead off towards the Ordine Swamp fields. Out of instinct we decided to follow those, soon after the human tracks vanished not far from a ruined old abandoned tower. We all agreed to investigate further.”
Price:
Yes, 10,000 is a lot, but i was taking the following into account:
- The mask provides a free action source of temp hits
- The mask provides a free action source of damage to multiple foes
- Providing there are bleeding foes, it is garentee an effect.
- There is no limit to the number of foes who can be affected, other than the area, which means that feats like Belier's Bite...But even with those feats, and with a bunch of opponents, how many are going to be suffering bleed damage at the same time and not lying on the ground?
It is nice for a mobile rogue with Bleeding Attack, true. I still wonder how many opponents you could get with this at once.
Off the top of my head think of a level six party which would be able to relatively reliably set up 7 or 8 bleeding attacks on the first round of combat. And an encounter that would work for said party, where the user could potentially rake in 48 temp hit points in the first rounds, as a free action.
Edit:
With that said, how would you feel about something more along the lines of
Hungry Ghost Mask
Aura faint necromancy; CL 5th
Slot head; Price 10,000 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
Finely crafted from greenish-white porcelain Hungry Ghost Mask are made in the image of Jiang Shi. Dots of seemingly ancient blood fleck the mouth of the mask, where it burns away as the mask is used.
When worn, the mask has a malign influence on the open wounds of those nearby. Upto 3/day, as a swift action, the mask’s wearer may take a deep breath, activating the mask. This causes spilled blood within 30’ of the wearer to become a red mist that flows to the mouth of the mask. The bloody vapor then burns away, granting the wearer a profane and hollow semblance of health.
Everyone suffering from bleed damage within the mask’s area of effect loses hit points equal to the wearer’s Con bonus. The mask’s wearer gains a number of temporary hit points equal to the combined damage caused by the effect. The Temporary hit points last for one hour.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, vampiric touch; Cost 5,000 gp
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I like the visuals of the item. They're really good. I don't like how strong this item is. The biggest problem is the five tendrils part. You touch someone once, they have to spend five rounds escaping. All the while you can hit them with touch spells from a safe distance and shoot them with arrows etc.
Thanks for the feedback RC. The (faulty) assumption was that someone entangled would use iterative attacks to cut themselves out in one or two rounds... the tendrils were to be severed with ANY amount of slashing damage so the idea it was more of a nuisance than a real impediment (something to keep them busy while you dropped a spell or two on them). It was poor design to assume that everyone would be high enough in level and/or base attack bonus (or have allies around to help out) to escape quickly. And it simply never occured to me what a nightmare this would be for someone who was staggered or nauseated for multiple rounds... sigh. It seems so obvious now. Oh well, it was my first entry ever I hope I can just chalk it up to rookie mistakes.
Boots of the Masterful Step
Well, first I'll warn you this is not really a thorough critique, but just my first impressions. Let's go. :)
These typical looking black leather boots grant the wearer with the ability to consciously control the nature of their footprints and adjust them at will simply by thinking about the creature, animal, humanoid or giant which is within the size limitations they wish to mimic and those tracks are left.
I think this an innovative idea... I've never seen an item designed to fool trackers. It´s different from pass without trace in the sense that it actually creates a misleading track. The wording is a little messy, specailly in the end. I think this could be rewritten to be simpler and more direct (since I'm not a native english speaker, you might want to take this with a grain of salt).
The wearer can also decide to leave no tracks at all or stop and start tracks at will.
Liked it better when it just changed the kind of track left behind.
The wearer can also decide to increase or decrease the size of the tracks they leave by 1 size category. (For instance a Medium sized creature wearing these boots could leave footprints of a Troll or Hobbit.) These boots will adjust to fit Small, Medium, or Large sized creatures but are generally found in Medium sizes.
Now I get what you meant in the first sentence about size limitation. I would've liked if the wearer could somehow affect the number of people in the track. Someone tailing the party wouldn't really be thrown off just because one of the members changed size. Mechanically, it would be interesting for tou to take a look at tracking conditions and see how they could interact with the boots. Oh, and there's one serious mistake there when you name Hobbits. First, they're called halflings in Pathfinder (and are actually a lot different from hobbits) and second I believe that might be a violation of intelectual property.
Limitations: The Boots cannot replicate the tracks of magical creatures, outsiders or creatures that are larger or smaller then the size restrictions of the wearer. Example: Someone that is a small size could not duplicate large sized creature’s footprints.
Ok, there should be some limitations, after all. Still, poor wording: "or creatures that are more than one size category away from the wearer" would be better.
"The Ranger indicated that the tracks left by the thief were made by a goblin. We followed them till we reached the bridge leading outside of town. From that point on the only tracks remaining were made by that of men. We could not find the goblin tracks which seemed to vanish into thin air. After further investigation past the bridge a single set of human tracks lead off towards the Ordine Swamp fields. Out of instinct we decided to follow those, soon after the human tracks vanished not far from a ruined old abandoned tower. We all agreed to investigate further.”
Well, the auto-reject threads strongly recommend NOT to insert quotes in the entries. None of the official wondrous items has one.
Keep in mind I'm no expert, we're on the same boat. :)
These are just a few thoughts.
...My buddy said: Cut off my Monk’s arms and graft on 2 Ape arms!...
Thanks again for the props!
As for the above idea of grafting on two ape arms, it won't work, you can graft on one, then the second woudl be using the same magic item slot and therefore not function.
Do not cut off an arm, just attach a 3rd arm!
As for the monk it would not improve his flurry since flurry is for his unarmed strikes (or attacks with monk weapons) creatures cannot mix natural attacks and flurry of blows (PRD)
Heck the monk wouldn't be able to use the attached arm as part of a flurry anyways since it is a natural attack. Not to mention being a secondary attack (aka at -5 to hit)
I put those limitations in so it does nto become a super baddass item, but a good thing to have. Now a fighter with sword and board and say a trolls arm attached would get his normal compliment of sword attacks then the trolls claw attack using his BAB but the strength mod of the troll then -5 due to it be secondary.
Though works wonders on a cleric wanting to have reach out and touch you inflict spells. A cleric with lunge and a troll arm would have a reach of 15' with his touch spells!
Nexus of Blessed Mists
This is a pretty cool item all around.
The one issue i can see with it is this.
This mace-like aspergillum is about 8 inches long and is often crafted of brass and silver. Its mundane usage is to sprinkle holy water upon the faithful or wicked through its hollow, perforated head.
I have seen items discarded before because they had a function that allows them to behave as a weapon. My fear is that your description of the Nexus might be read that way, despite it's size.
Beyond that, it looks pretty tight to my admitedly tired eyes
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Insightful Eye
Aura moderate divination; CL 7th
Slot head; Price 35,000gp; weight 1lbThe eye emblazoned on this bandanna scans its surroundings at all times, watching for anything that might be a threat to its wearer. The eye is, in all ways, an additional eye for the wearer. It is able to see with whatever vision the wearer normally has, even to the point where it blinks when the wearer does.
Having a third eye is beneficial in many ways to the wearer, especially as the headband does not need to be tied with it facing forward – it can be tied forward or backwards and changing the direction of the eye is a move action that provokes an attack of opportunity. If the headband is tied in reverse, the wearer gains all-around vision, making it impossible for them to be flanked and granting a +4 bonus to passive perception checks.
While the Insightful Eye is tied facing forwards, the eye remains ever-watchful. Normally this grants the wearer a +4 bonus to all active perception checks, but if the wearer allows the eye to study a particular target, they also gain another benefit. By spending a standard action focusing on a target, which does not provoke an attack of opportunity, the eye sees the weaknesses in the target’s armor, allowing wearer to ignore up to five points of AC granted by armor for all attacks against the target next round. If the bonus is not spent that round, the effect is still expended and the wearer must re-focus.
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Arcane Eye, True Strike; Cost 17,500gp
* Name could be better. Not bad, just not particularly exciting.
* I like the descriptive text. I could see the judges possibly thinking it a bit long, but I like the flavor and it engages me much more than the name does. The first concern that pops into my mind is "How is this different than a robe of eyes?" So I read on.
* I wonder if the distinction between active and passive Perception checks is unnecessarily complicated. My danger sense also goes off about the switching the bandanna from fron to back because it immediately creates a connotation of facing that does not exist in Pathfinder. I realize rationally that the "facing" of the item is really just an activation method for two different abilities, and has nothing to do with tactical facing as such, but the thought pops in there and it distracts from the design I think. That distraction leads me to think it might be better to discard the flavor of wearing the item differently and just give it a flat bonus to Perception.
* The "ignore 5 points of AC bonus" mechanic is unorthodox, but I understand what you were going for. I think the mechanics could use a little more explanation possibly. Does it work at range? (I think so.) Does partial concealment have any impact? (Perhaps it should?) I know it's "just" a +5 bonus compared to true strike but it affects ALL attacks next round, which might be considered more valuable than true strike. True strike only aids that first attack, which for melee front liner types usually has a good chance of landing anyway. This gives a bonus to those weaker second/third/fourth iterative and thus has some additional value there. Still, it costs a standard action to use so... I dunno, is that a good limiter. That brings me to the final thought:
* Pricing. Man, this looks like a hard item to price. SKR went a lot of detail about pricing a true strike style item and his point was that people who custom create those items often severely underprice them for a few reasons: True strike is a "personal" range spell and thus is balanced as a spell by the fact that a) there is a one round delay, and b) it is usually a wizard or less than full BAB charcter using the magic. Allowing a melee type access to the ability (as this item sort of does) increases the effective spell level of the ability, and should affect price accordingly.
You basically have a quasi-true strike ability here that is use-activated (with a one round delay), and tinkers with the mechanic so the to hit bonus is distributed across several attacks... which could be argued is a better deal to some people than the base spell. You have added the limiter that it only works on armor bonuses, so that helps. The point is it seems difficult to accurately price.
So, in general: I like the flavor but question whether it comes off as a robe of eyes spin-off with a combat buff added in. I think the similarity to the robe, the fact its a combat buff/true strike item (which the judges probably see a lot of), the "facing" aspect, and the possible pricing issue probably added up in the judges' eyes.
That all said, I think there is the seed of a really cool idea here. The thing I like the most about it is actually the fact you can move it around and see things from different angles... One of the first things that popped into my head was taking one of these scarves and surreptiously placing it in a room to remotely see what was happening. I know remote viewing items have been done, but the flavor of a bandanna draped over the back of a chair, with a living blinking eye on it trying to steal a look around, was really really cool. I guess I would like to see you explore it as more of a utility item that gave sense powers and perhaps a small skill bonus as opposed to combat abilities.
Thanks for the feedback, crowface. I actually hadn't even thought of the robe of eyes when designing the item, but I can see a lot of similarities too. I went through a lot of different abilities for front facing option, from see invisibility to flesh to stone. I decided on this because of it's more less universal appeal.
I'm glad you like the idea, and I think one of my major issues was a lack of attention to detail. See that template? I didn't label construction or description. I didn't italicize things either.
Anyways, these items strike me as super limited in scope. So limited that I'd even call them a plot-device. Thirty minutes is not very long ago. in fact, I recall a spell (from 3.e somewhere) that let you do this up to a week ago. Which is insanely more useful.
I actually struggled over that point. In my original draft it was 30 minutes per lens, 60 minutes total. I didnt want it to make the GM's job harder than that and I ended up knocking back the time because I was still worried that 60 minutes was to long.Especially when you consider the huge price. over 90k to find out what happened 30 minutes ago once a day,
the price did seem high to me but I followed the guide when calculating it and even went to the forums to ask if I did do it properly.a chance of losing the item forever,
that was because I was worried of abuse of the item and again making GMing harder. That was a last minute add on which I almost decided to remove, I should have.and no use against even mundane darkness?
As I stated earlier in response to Joe Wells review, that is the same as 1 of the spells used in its creation, clearaudience/clairvoyance.By the time you have 90k to spend on something like this you probably have access to clerics to consult the gods themselves more easily than these glasses will be useful.
Nice name at least. :)
YEEHAAAAAAAA!!!!!. I at least got 1 good point in my item.....lol
Just having fun, sorry. Thank you for your input, I do appreciate it very much.
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Here's mine. I'll take a swing at some of the new ones that get posted here, unless I backtrack and see some that haven't been covered already.
Nexus of Blessed Mists
Aura faint conjuration and transmutation; CL 5th
Slot --; Price 22,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
DescriptionThis mace-like aspergillum is about 8 inches long and is often crafted of brass and silver. Its mundane usage is to sprinkle holy water upon the faithful or wicked through its hollow, perforated head.
When filled with a vial of holy water, a nexus of blessed mists can be used as a holy symbol to channel positive energy that harms undead. This channeling creates a cloud of fog as an obscuring mist spell. However, these blessed mists are composed entirely of holy water and positive energy.
Undead caught within this cloud take damage per the wielder’s normal channeling effect (Will half, same DC as normal channeling). Other creatures susceptible to damage from holy water, such as evil outsiders, take half this damage and may halve it further with a successful Will save. Creatures that fail their Will save become shaken for as long as they remain in the mists.
Creatures damaged by holy water take 1d6 points of damage per round after the first. Each such creature that enters the area after the initial effect must also make a Will save at the wielder's channeling DC or become shaken. The mists last for 5 rounds.
Filling a nexus is a standard action that provokes attacks of opportunity. It may be filled before needed and stored upright to prevent spillage. If the carrier becomes prone or held upside down for more than 1 round enough holy water will leak out to require refilling before use.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, bless water, obscuring mist, creator must be able to channel positive energy; Cost 11,000 gp
Hmm, it's hard to say why they did not accept this one. It does not obviously violate any major rules. I'll throw out a few theories but I'm not sure I buy into any of them really:
* I think the judges don't like items that run off of class abilities (like this one does with channeling) because that makes pricing them difficult/impossible/unfair. It's possible the judges said something to the effect of "This item costs 22,000 gp for the 17th level cleric who gets 9d6 on each channel, and 22,000 gp for the 8th level ccleric who only gets 4d6 per channel." At least I have seen this reasoning used against other items that "scaled" based on class abilities, skills, or ability modifiers.
* Along those lines, if you then throw out the channeling aspect since it is dependant on the character using it, that leaves you with an item that produces a 5 round quasi-acid fog effect versus undead coupled with the shaken effect (normally a mind-affecting effect as you mentioned elsewhere), and allows channels to affect evil outsiders... Even though the whole suite is very tight conceptually and thematically, they may think it's all a little too Swiss Army Knife.
It might also be Swiss Army Knife in that a cleric can easily do all those effects (obscuring mist, holy water, turn undead, damage evil outsiders) using spells and/or feats. The 22,000 gp price tag could be argued as way too cheap for that sort of multitasking... or alternatley, one could balk at paying 22k for something they can already do for free to a lesser extent. Cast acid fog (not a cleric spell typically, I know) and then channel/turn undead or outsiders (Alignment Channel).
Again, I'm not sure. And that is because it is very tightly designed and well written. It's a cool concept and the mechanics are sound, I'm thinking they had issues perhaps with the niche it fills (or how many niches it fills maybe) and/or pricing. I also wonder if perhaps this item got nosed out by the mirrored lantern of the pious seeker as something channel -related that they just liked a little more.
RPG Superstar 2010 Top 32
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"If the holy symbol is within the zone of corruption, the seal instantly reforms."
And at this point I think we've jumped the shark. If the seal instantly reforms, then taking the poison hit was for naught.
@seth - Joe beat me to the punch, the key is the line where you say "instantly reforms". Which means if you try to stop it, you get poisoned and still remain gimped. Therein lies your demise.
I really contemplated that.
I really liked the "gotcha" mechanic of a cleric taking the seal off, taking the poison, and having it reform bc they didn't have the sense to get out of the corrupt zone.
Maybe I liked it too much. I thought it was clever and 1st edition-y to make them suppress the zone (cover it up, cast deeper darkness, dispel magic, consecrate, etc) before they removed the seal, or get the hell out of the 40' r zone (which I know is huge) if they want to cast spells.
In a way, the item creates a zone that acts like a hazard or a trap, and it requires thinking to deal with it.
But it looks like I made it too difficult, too unfun for clerics/paladins, or just downright broken. I can totally see where you're coming from.
The challenge with this contest is knowing which boundaries to push, and which to leave alone. I never got a chance to see the judges' feedback, and I probably never will since it's round 2 now. But both of your feedback is immensely valuable.
What's interesting is that I feel like my vessel of the deep had just as many mechanics issues as my stygian seal of blashphemy, and i personally feel they're equally cool. The seal is definitely more niche, and certainly more painful for clerics, so maybe that's the difference between round 1 and round 0.
How do you feel your nexus compares to your nightingale's tongue, Joe? Did you like either one more?
Mask of the Mystic Hunter
Ah, the former. It's an interesting item, but it feels a bit spell-in-a-can. spellcraft untrained and scent, fine, but most of the item is built around exactly using one spell almost exactly as presented in the book. That's not very superstar.
Your description itself is good, though why you mention it working for nonhumanoid creatures is weird. I can't think of a monster that would want to track you by scent, isn't humanoid, and can't come up with another way that you would need that desctription for. It makes it seem like you're trying too much to cover your bases, which is a fine line away from not describing well enough. But when you give the spell's page number... that's the tipping point. You're not confident enough in your item that you have to make sure people understand the spell it's based around.
You're not bad, remember that. You don't need to try to say that in the text.
Urn of the Giant Horde
So, it's like a time bomb made of a cloud of giants. A little weird, but it works enough. I don't like the phrasing you use in some of those later sentances. 'Before dissipating it emanates for 4 rounds' is a particular cringe-worthy sentance. It should be the other way around to be readable, I personally had to re-read it after the next sentance to make sure I got what you meant.
I also think that the item being reusuable so long as it gets closed within the time limit is a little lame. If the item can be destroyed, it should be because you're trying to, or because it happens every time - not because you failed a DC10 strength check to close it.
Try writing more items, you'll get the hang of flowing sentences when you do.
insightful eye
Grafting Clamp
Your second and third paragraph feel a little clunky. You should try to get all the mechanical resterictions and related effects mentioned in one paragraph. It can take a lot of work, but it's important to be able to flow from one thought to the next - this item doesn't do that.
As to the limbs, I like the restriction for arm, I like the mechanics for head, and I hate the wings. Asides from needing two wings to fly and only having one clamp, them taking up the chest slot seems dumb - if you'll pardon me saying. I know what you're trying to mean, but it sounds dumb. If they took up the shoulder slot, that would be okay, but again - two wings, one clamp.
I think this item would have been a little stronger without the wings. In fact, perhaps if it were exclusively head-centric. But the wings just... ugh. Sorry I can't pinpoint it, but saying 'i connect the wings to my chest slot' is too silly to let go.
The Journal of Pernicious Replication
First, pernicious? If your reader has to look it up, it's a bad word to use. you might be loquacious, but verisimilitude of variety does not a good submission make.
Second, this feels like it is way too limited use. The price might even be a little too high for how simple it is. I can copy 400 pages in an instant - and then erase some or all. How do I know what I can erase? What if I wanted to only erase a few pages but I hadn't read the original?
And the page count is something new that's not really used anywhere but spellbooks - which you forbid copying. Which is a extra work for a DM who has to keep track of how many pages any particular book you come across is.
Basically, the item is simple, decent and a little extra work. More importantly it's not exciting. It's only got use in a few types of campaigns, and even then not for everyone. You need more zing.
Naturesmith Gloves
For instance, I see you have a number of ranks in requirements. That's bad rules-fu, and makes you look careless. inert for 24 hours on empty is also bad rules-fu, what if you use 14 charges - is it stuck at one left forever? Charges reset at dawn, nice, simple, and well established. Then you say 'non-special' material. What the heck is special, adamantine? Gold? granite? Lava Rock? Leaving that phrase out would have been way better, especially because you say to treat it as major creation at the end of the description.
Next, the clay has a few small problems. You should state that any use uses up one square foot of clay, regardless of how small. That way filling in a peep hole doesn't require you to concern you with 1/32 sqft used.
Then, the method the clay is created. Does it drip from the gloves? appear suddenly? stretch out of the material? The lack of description here seems like an oversight that really hurts your submission because it makes you look careless.
Overall, the item is good, but you need a lot more polish, and a friend to help proofread.
Boots of the Masterful Step
I'll get back to that, but if you submitted as you posted here, I would have marked this item for an auto-disqualification for the breaking of the magic item template. And not even in a way that could be excusable, you effectively wrote a story outside of the item and tacked it into your submission. That's really bad.
Now that's done, the item itself. You spend too much time describing the limits of the item. You could have said 'The boots can replicate the prints of any humanoid, monstrous humanoid, giant or animal within one size category of the wearer.' This one sentence covers what you did with nearly half your word count.
So, yeah. You need to practice writing these things, and most importantly writing them within the template.
Woah, I'm caught up! Time to see what else exists to do.
I'm glad you all find my comments helpful, and sorry if any of them are blunt.
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Stygian Seal of Blasphemy
Aura moderate evocation and necromancy [evil]; CL 7th
Slot none; Price 6,250 gp; Weight 1/2 lb.Description
When this candle is lit, the wick writhes like a serpent in the hissing emerald fire, shining with the properties of continual flame for 4 hours. The unholy flame is a burning shrine to Asmodeus, creating a 40’ radius zone of corruption. Within this zone, devils gain a +2 profane bonus on attack rolls, damage rolls, and saving throws. Devils summoned into the zone gain +2 hit points per HD. If the light is covered, dispelled, or consecrated, the zone of corruption is suppressed.The flame shines with blasphemous light. Profane wax inscribed with the seal of Asmodeus instantly forms around all holy symbols brought into the zone of corruption, even if the symbols are concealed. This wax seal suppresses all divine spells and abilities that require a holy symbol, unless the symbol’s owner worships Asmodeus. The blasphemous seal persists if the symbol is taken out of the zone of corruption, or the zone is suppressed.
As a standard action, a character may grasp the corrupted symbol with a bare hand and remove the blasphemous seal. Grasping the seal draws the corruption into the flesh, and diabolical venom courses through the target’s body with the effects of the poison spell (Fortitude DC 17 negates). If the holy symbol is within the zone of corruption, the seal instantly reforms.
When the flame dies, the candle loses all magical properties, the corrupt zone vanishes, and the blasphemous seals melt away from all holy symbols as harmless black oil.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, continual flame, desecrate, poison, creator must worship Asmodeus; Cost 3,125 gp
This thing is old school Gygaxian MEAN. :) I love the flavor but agree with some of the points already mentioned. I could see the judges reading this and just thinking it screws people over... and over and over. The wax seal is a really cool visual and interesting concept, but the fact it reforms if you're in the corrupted zone is just a nasty surprise and might have been too over-the-top. Also, this item requires a lot of knowledge about it to counteract it... a cleric may not even realize his holy symbol has the seal on it, and waste many rounds trying to figure out what in the Nine Hells is going on. And the "simple" solution of extinquishing the candle might never occur to a PC who has never heard of the item (and has no way to cast a spell to divine the source because he's cut off!)
I think there are three major issues here: the balance factor (which has been addressed), the idea that it is possibly a plot device/not an item (you described it as operating like a trap) and the fact it takes away class abilties. I think it's against Paizo's design philosophy to have an item that singles out divine casters liek this, but I could be wrong.
Also, I think this is vastly underpriced for what in effect can be seen as an anti-magic field that targets and follows divine casters. I might not be accounting for it being a single (4 hour) use item... or at least I'm assuming it can't be reused.
And obviously, this is sort of a niche/villain item and although that's not against the rules it further limits the item's appeal... Ryan Dancey made an excellent point in another thread about how he looked at designers to see if they had the potential to design items with broad "commericial" appeal. That's a viewpoint to consider here too.
That all said, this item scores mega points with me on the creativity scale. I love the image of a wax Asmodean seal that corrupts/taints holy symbols. Just needed to reign in the abilities and focus them more narrowly I think. This item is almost a "Boss Fight In A Can" it has so many cool things going on. :) Seperately they are all awesome, together in one 6,000 gp? Too much. (Says the guy with the broken touch spell spam device, I know...)
Interested in seeing what people thought of this entry - i can already spot lots of problems i missed before i submitted it. Feel free to be highly critical.
Torc of Totemic Form
Aura moderate transmutation CL 10th
Slot neck; Price 20,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This torc, made of twisted bone and ivory, bears a series of highly stylised animal carvings along its outer edges.
Once per day the torc can be used, at will, to transform the wearer into an animal form (as per the spell beast shape III except as noted blelow) for a period of up to two hours. The type of animal transformed into is determined by the wearer's alignment and highest of the statistics Intelligence, Wisdom or Charisma, according to the table below.
.....................Int........Wis.........Chr
Good........... Fox*......Owl........Hawk
Neutral.....Weasel....Lizard......Cat
Evil.............Raven......Rat........Viper
* Fox should be treated as a dog with the young template
Changing form (to an animal or back) is a full-round action and provokes an attack of opportunity. The wearer's appearance in animal form is in all respects typical for an animal of the appropriate species of the same sex as the wearer. Should the wearer's alignment or statistics change for any reason after their first use of the torc, the type of animal polymorphed into does not change.
If the wearer of the torc is affected by any spell or other effect which would polymorph her into an animal (such as baleful polymorph), she may elect to ignore all effects of that spell and instead be affected as if she had used the torc normally. Once used, the torc can not be used by any other person unless the previous wearer has died.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wonderous Item, beast shape III or Wild Shape (4/day) ability; Cost 10,000 gp
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RPG Superstar 2010 Top 32
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This thing is old school Gygaxian MEAN. :) I love the flavor but agree with some of the points already mentioned. I could see the judges reading this and just thinking it screws people over... and over and over. The wax seal is a really cool visual and interesting concept, but the fact it reforms if you're in the corrupted zone is just a nasty surprise and might have been too over-the-top. Also, this item requires a lot of knowledge about it to counteract it... a cleric may not even realize his holy symbol has the seal on it, and waste many rounds trying to figure out what in the Nine Hells is going on. And the "simple" solution of extinquishing the candle might never occur to a PC who has never heard of the item (and has no way to cast a spell to divine the source because he's cut off!)I think there are three major issues here: the balance factor (which has been addressed), the idea that it is possibly a plot device/not an item (you described it as operating like a trap) and the fact it takes away class abilties. I think it's against Paizo's design philosophy to have an item that singles out divine casters liek this, but I could be wrong.
Also, I think this is vastly underpriced for what in effect can be seen as an anti-magic field that targets and follows divine casters. I might not be accounting for it being a single (4 hour) use item... or at least I'm assuming it can't be reused.
And obviously, this is sort of a niche/villain item and although that's not against the rules it further limits the item's appeal... Ryan Dancey made an excellent point in another thread about how he looked at designers to see if they had the potential to design items with broad "commericial" appeal. That's a viewpoint to consider here too.
That all said, this item scores mega points with me on the creativity scale. I love the image of a wax Asmodean seal that corrupts/taints holy symbols. Just needed to reign in the abilities and focus them more narrowly I think. This item is almost a "Boss Fight In A Can" it has so many cool things going on. :) Seperately they are all awesome, together in one 6,000 gp? Too much. (Says the guy with the broken touch spell spam device, I know...)
Thanks! Very useful comments, Crowface. I'm glad there were elements of the stygian seal you liked. I intend to revise this item for my own game (even though it belongs to Paizo now--so paladins be careful storming their gates).
I do wonder if it's a bad idea altogether -- singling out divine casters like it does. Silence affects all casters and bards. All kinds of monsters shut down rogues, illusionists, and enchanters. I couldn't begin to list the spells, items, and abilities that shut down necromancers and the undead. A lot of things really hurt melee classes, though more indirectly than anything. . .
The blasphemous bile special attack by the heresy devil is kind of similar to the seal, but I have no idea if that helped or hindered my item. In fact, it's a tad SAK+MIAC (but only kind of) -- continual flame + devil-flavored desecrate + an ability kind of similar to blasphemous bile = stygian seal of blasphemy. But I felt I had an item that was innovative and had a really tight theme. It made a really nasty zone that helped minions of the Prince of Darkness put the smack-down on his enemies.
I guess I should have considered how to make it more PC-friendly, instead of Tomb of Horrors-level evil. And I should have spent some more time tweaking the price. I was thinking 6000 for a one-shot item that can be circumvented by putting a bucket on top of it was starting to get too high, but I think I was suffering from tunnel vision.
I also wonder if it being a candle (one of this year's meme items), and that I've seen at least two other "stygian" or "styx" items, hindered it as well. I thought making an item that exemplified characteristics of one of Pathfinder's levels of hell (blasphemy, poison), that gave a ton of love to Asmodeus, was a good idea. Well, there's always next year. :D
Your comments were very helpful. Thanks TONS for talking through my item.
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
Slot —; Price 3,000 gp Weight 3 lbs.
Description
Originally designed to allow mobility outside of combat while benefiting from heavy armor, this item has also become popular with spies who frequently change their identities. Expertly crafted of thick leather with a wood frame, the main compartment of this pack is large enough for an entire suit of full plate armor when disassembled and stacked. Its secondary compartment can hold up to 15 pounds or 1 cubic foot of equipment.
As long as the only item stored in the main compartment is a complete suit of armor or a single outfit of clothing, the wearer may activate the pack by command word. When activated, the pack opens and the armor or clothing quickly warps, whips, and slides into place across the wearer's body, replacing the previously worn garments. The replaced clothing or armor is neatly stacked in the main compartment and the pack closes itself. Neither set of garments is damaged in this transposition and all other equipment worn remains in place by adjusting for the new attire.
The pack will not activate if its user is in a tight space or the movement of the armor is otherwise restricted (i.e. user is squeezing, grappled, or carrying a large object in both arms). However, the pack will work for a mounted user.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, telekinesis; Cost 1,500 gp
This seems to be a rip-off of the Iron-man suitcase from Iron man 2.
And there was a ring of armament in the Magic item compendium which did just this.
This is useful, but not exciting or intriguing.
Well, thanks, but not only have I not seen Iron Man II, but I actually created this item for my campaign back in 2nd Ed around '98. At the time it was a suit of chainmail that came with a backpack full of plates, but the concept was prior to either IM2 or the Magic Item Compendium (a book I don't own nor have ever read). Maybe to some it is not that exciting, but it was a classic favorite of my old group and I thought I would update it and give it a try. The fact is, we all have different styles of play and what is cool to some, might not be cool to others. I understand that a freelance game writer needs to appeal to the masses and ride the mainline of gamers. This is probably where my item fell short. I'll adjust and try again next year. Thanks for the analysis.
Thanks for actually reading the Bone Melter and spending a few minutes considering it. I really appreciate your insightful reviews and your questions!
Brock, the subject of the Bone Melter’s ability will be reduced to saggy, even rubbery skin; he would certainly not be much to look at. As for the ways to terminate the effect, well, the only way I intended was a dispel magic; nothing else really should work. Your uses – a cheap stasis for getting to a decent temple and the incarceration tool mentioned by the judges – are just what I was going for. Additionally, one of my readers wanted to use these to smuggle barbarian raiders in salt herring barrels into castles as gifts with dispel glyphs inside the barrels: a hundred little Trojan ponies!
It’s funny you bring up the “stilled, silenced spellcasting” thing… It was in the original, thousand-plus-word version of the item that got whittled down to what you’ve seen. As I originally wrote the item, it was primarily for use by bounty hunters; when the bounty hunter captures his quarry, rather than have to feed an extra pack animal to haul his butt back to the employer, he slaps on a Bone Melter and dumps the unfortunate into a saddlebag. If he’s particularly valuable, the bounty hunter might go to the trouble of taking him out periodically and maintaining him so he’s still breathing upon arrival, though this is not always of value.
Just in case, though… Should an arcane spellcaster actually have a silent, stilled dispel magic memorized (or be able to fashion one as a sorcerer), the bounty hunter would be receiving quite an unpleasant surprise, as along the trail somewhere and probably quite unexpectedly, he could well suddenly be facing a very naked, very unhappy not-less-than-10th-level spellslinger! Bounty hunting, on that day, would certainly not be all it was cracked up to be.
Philip Neubert, the original idea honestly was to liquefy the target; this was quickly rejected as (a) it was patently un-creative, and (b) I was instantly hit by my first reviewer with, “So, what, he just sinks into the sand? Lame.” The next step up from there was to turn him into an ooze as was hinted at in the judge’s notes, but I didn’t want to give my target a list of special abilities and qualities that might’ve made him capable of freeing himself and thus invalidating the item by its purpose.
The point of the line, “The form is not natural to the creature and no extreme adaptations are made to accommodate the new form,” doesn’t do anything at all outside the context of the paragraph, “…his life processes are slowed such that any ongoing effect from disease, wounding, poison or the like is halted. Eating, drinking, and respiration are unnecessary in this form, though the subject’s natural lifespan is not extended. The form is not natural to the creature and no extreme adaptations are made to accommodate the new form. Every three days the creature must make a Fort save with a DC equal to the number of days spent in the amorphous form or die.” That could’ve been made more concise, I guess, by removing the line in question altogether… the point was that I want the reader to know that the item is not an insta-kill device, though without work on the user’s part, the target could be rendered dead through negligence.
I intended the Bone Melter to be nigh-unto impossible to use in combat: Ever tried to handcuff someone? That stuff ain’t as easy as they make it look, man, and the Bone Melter doesn’t have the awesome spin-through hinge. I meant it to be used outside of combat entirely, though to make that happen required more hand-tying than I thought the competition would stand for.
I recognize a pretty bitter response to criticism that I had written here, and that's not what this is about. I really do want to thank everyone who took the time to read, but this question bears some truth:
The spell in a can statement that was mentioned (and the similar monster in a can statement in the judges’ thread) really has me puzzled: What spell (or monster) is in this can? I mean, I get the “yech” and the “gross” remarks, but didn’t we celebrate eating tongues and fingers and swing about on helmet-tongues last year?
Anyway, guys, thanks for the looks! I was… dismayed, maybe… that the Bone Melter seemed to make the ranks of the items that were dismissed out-of-hand as being shockingly bad, and your feedback is reassuring. Thanks again!
Well, no snow day for me today, so I had to go do actual work today. The horror*.
* I love my job. Please, please, please don't take it away from me, spirits of misfortune.
Off the top of my head think of a level six party which would be able to relatively reliably set up 7 or 8 bleeding attacks on the first round of combat. And an encounter that would work for said party, where the user could potentially rake in 48 temp hit points in the first rounds, as a free action.
Z, I'm going to defer to your judgment on this. If that's really plausible, then OK.
I have seen items discarded before because they had a function that allows them to behave as a weapon. My fear is that your description of the Nexus might be read that way, despite it's size.
I considered that in passing, but didn't really address it. At 8 inches and with a hollow head, it shouldn't do too much in melee. But you're right. Some desperate player would eventually try to bonk someone on the head with this. Maybe describing it as an "ornamental mace-like aspergillum" would dissuade some from doing that.
Many thanks for your thoughts on the Nexus.
It's possible the judges said something to the effect of "This item costs 22,000 gp for the 17th level cleric who gets 9d6 on each channel, and 22,000 gp for the 8th level ccleric who only gets 4d6 per channel." At least I have seen this reasoning used against other items that "scaled" based on class abilities, skills, or ability modifiers.
Yeah, that's fair. It's minimized a bit here, since it's mostly letting the character's ability "pass-through" the item while fueling an additional effect. But that drawback still remains.
Even though the whole suite is very tight conceptually and thematically, they may think it's all a little too Swiss Army Knife.
I think SAK is generally "you can do this, and then this, and also this too". I don't know if the judges thought that this skirted into that territory, but I tried to steer clear of that. This only has a single effect. I think this treads closer to a SiaC than SAK, honestly.
Again, I'm not sure. And that is because it is very tightly designed and well written. It's a cool concept and the mechanics are sound, I'm thinking they had issues perhaps with the niche it fills (or how many niches it fills maybe) and/or pricing. I also wonder if perhaps this item got nosed out by the mirrored lantern of the pious seeker as something channel -related that they just liked a little more.
Yeah, the mirrored lantern was the first Top 32 item I looked at and my heart skipped a beat. If it came down to that or mine, then I was just beaten out by a cool item that the judges liked better. I'm OK with that.
Thank you for the thoughtful and detailed feedback, Crowface. I haven't been putting that kind of depth into mine, since I'm trying to cover as many as I can. I appreciate the extra time you spent with this.
Ronar, thanks for the quick feedback on my item, let me answer some of your questions.
-There are several items from the core book with rank requirements, since its a high level caster item the ranks are easy to attain (it also helps bring the price down).
-The clay that is produced is not by charges per foot of clay, in the description its triggered by a command word and it is 3 times a day those are the "charges" which also reduce the price greatly. The wearer can produce up to 15ft max a day. Only when the gloves are empty, an example: when the maximum is used on one use of the command word or during the other two daily uses would they become inert,the draw back again reduces price.
-Special material is as described in the core book page 154. Those would cover Adamantine, Cold Iron, Mithril, Darkwood, Alchemical Steel in terms of what the clay does not work on. The guidelines of the competition say to make reference but you do not need to put all the rules down for the reference as long as its addressed. This means mundane and common materials, this is for balance, so a GM wont have a player create 15 pounds of adamantine every day. Gold is a precious metal as listed in the core, same with platinum during the last line of my description it is treated as a casting of major creation caster level 15th so that means it would last 300 minutes for precious metals (say if you wanted to have a player create a large mound of platinum it would only last so long) gems 150 minutes, and precious stone 15 hours. This again is to stop players from creating something from nothing all the time (in theory they could create and use the stuff to buy/trade etc) they would need to find someone able to buy lumps of the precious material and when the time expires and the material will disappear that would leave some angry and vengeful merchants IMHO. If you could find a caster capable of the spell or being the caster yourself, you can do this anyway, thats why the spell has the balancing factor in place.
-For the clay problems, the gloves produce clay at a maximum rate of 1 cubic foot per round (maximum, I did not want to have book keeping for players or the GM but they can produce less then a foot if they want) but it also forces the player or GM to use the item smartly, again part of the balancing factor. As stated the clay used on an invalid material crumbles to dust, the clay is still clay until used on a valid material. A player wanting to cover up a few peep holes could do it with much less then a foot of clay but it would still cost one of the daily uses to do so, leaving the wearer with only two more uses for the day even if a little was used.
-I agree the way clay forms from the gloves is vague and could of spent more time with it since I had left over words. Basically since it came from the gloves in my head it made sense that is just formed in the palms.
-A friend had read the item for me, and I made a few changes. The changes were mainly in response to similar questions made about precious metals, gems stones etc, since they are not a special material in game terms that had to be addressed.
-This item was originally a little figurine of a craftsman that would move along and do the work as commanded but to me that was along the lines of a Figurine of Wondrous Power (which is kind of frowned upon unless its superstar and rises above the guidelines). I am very fond of Torag as one of my main characters was a Cleric of Torag, his use of soften earth and stone as well as stone shape/wood shape were the basis for the items transformation into gloves. This is my first wondrous item, I appreciate the feedback and will definitely be more careful for next year.
What's interesting is that I feel like my vessel of the deep had just as many mechanics issues as my stygian seal of blashphemy, and i personally feel they're equally cool. The seal is definitely more niche, and certainly more painful for clerics, so maybe that's the difference between round 1 and round 0.
Let me say, just to be clear, that this is a damned cool item. But for this particular writing assignment, I just don't think it's quite right.
The vessel, on the other hand, fit RPG SS really well. Broad appeal, cool visuals, while bringing some unique aspects to the table. To steal from Mr. Dancey, it's commercially clever.
Hang in there, man. Several Top 32 have missed a year, then come back for a second tour after that.
How do you feel your nexus compares to your nightingale's tongue, Joe? Did you like either one more?
Honestly, I like the Nexus more. The Tongue was cool, but I never thought it would get a second glance from the judges.
And now I start „being the Judge 2.0“ I will go through this thread and try to give feedback on every single item.
Cheers to you sir, for Judging in the Judges Please Critique my item and posting in the peer discussion will help things remain tidy in both threads.
Phoenix Knights' Misericorde
Briefly, since this has already had some judges' feedback.
Why does this need to be activated at all? Most protective items like this just hang around until the condition it's meant to ward against rears its ugly head. Was that for cost savings? It doesn't seem to have a limited time period of use or anything. Hrm, OK it's because that's when you set the destination.
I think the core of the idea is pretty neat, but I don't care for the random location stuff at all.
Well, no snow day for me today, so I had to go do actual work today. The horror*.
* I love my job. Please, please, please don't take it away from me, spirits of misfortune.
Off the top of my head think of a level six party which would be able to relatively reliably set up 7 or 8 bleeding attacks on the first round of combat. And an encounter that would work for said party, where the user could potentially rake in 48 temp hit points in the first rounds, as a free action.Z, I'm going to defer to your judgment on this. If that's really plausible, then OK.
I have seen items discarded before because they had a function that allows them to behave as a weapon. My fear is that your description of the Nexus might be read that way, despite it's size.I considered that in passing, but didn't really address it. At 8 inches and with a hollow head, it shouldn't do too much in melee. But you're right. Some desperate player would eventually try to bonk someone on the head with this. Maybe describing it as an "ornamental mace-like aspergillum" would dissuade some from doing that.
Many thanks for your thoughts on the Nexus.
On your item: It probably didn't play a part. The description is clear and the judges are pretty good at their job. It is just worth considering that they are reading hundreds, if not thousands of items, and having to make judgements about them quickly. As such it is a word usage that might lead them to discarding the item out of hand. Not a risk i would want to take.
Also saying mace-like aspergillum, is a little like saying, 'a mace-like thing that looks a little like a mace, which is used to sprinkle holy water'. It is redundent to say mace-like, in that it does not provide you with any more detail of what the Aspergillum looks like than simply saying it is an Aspergillum.
By the same token, "Its mundane usage is to sprinkle holy water upon the faithful or wicked through its hollow, perforated head." is redundant. You just described an Aspergillum.
Something like(forgiving i hope early morning dyslexic spelling and grammar), "The nexus is a delicate silver Aspergillum, with a spiral motif to the perforations in its head." might have been a clearer use of language. You could have provided more detail, in fewer words, without saying the same thing three times ;)
If i get a chance to day, i will take a deeper look at the nexus.
My item:
Hey, i'm probably wrong. What with not being in the top 36 and all. I only brought it up because i am interested in others thoughts on it. Part of that is seeing why they respond to it in one way, rather than another, and how considerations i took into account effect their views of the item.
One more Overlap: the called Armor quality.** spoiler omitted **
Well, thanks, but not only have I not seen Iron Man II,
This seems to be a rip-off of the Iron-man suitcase from Iron man 2.
And there was a ring of armament in the Magic item compendium which did just this.
This is useful, but not exciting or intriguing.
Also there already as a Top 32 item that did walk on the instant armament line: the Gem of immediate defense. I'd suggest you give it at read and compare it to your version of the idea and try to figure out, why the other version was more wondrous and more exciting ( it wasn't my favorite back then too though)
I think too many people make the mistake and try to figure out what would be an useful item, that way we see many magical backpacks, clasp, pouches and other items that are designed to be valuable or even logical additions to the average adventurers arsenal. And while many characters could use an endless spool of rope way more than, say a bag of holes. Most Players will choose to buy the bag of holes instead, because using the item is so much more exciting, and they can as well tot around insane amounts of mundane rope and handwave all the work of knotting it together and restowing it, should a really long rope become necessary. It's basically why we don't see any self-cleaning magical chamberpots. They make sense from a worldbuilding perspective and many people in the world would love to have them, but players don't want something that helps them to handwave something more they handwave anyway.
Spirit Catchers
Aura Strong Evocation; CL 13th
Slot Hands Price 12,000 gp Weight 2 lbs.
Description
This ornate gauntlet is bespeckled with various jewels such as sapphires and rubies. On the underside of the gauntlet is an image of a ghostly figure struggling to break the grip of a warrior clad in heavy armor.
While this item was made for the warrior who tires of the hit and run tactics of certain incorporeal beings. It also proves useful to those who wish to do something other than take what may be a meaningless swing, as the creature rushes past him to attack his allies.
This item allows the wearer to affect incorporeal creatures as if they were corporeal creatures for the purpose of CMB based attacks such as grapple, bullrush, and the stand still feat.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Grasping Hand, Cost 6,000 gp
While I am waiting in the other thread hearing my fellow boardite's opinions will hopefully give me some insight.
PS: Errors such as extra commas were fixed before I submitted it. I just can't find the fixed version.
Note: This is a very slightly different version of the item entered. Due to unfamiliarity with Microsoft 2010, I saved over that version.
Clay of Flesh Crafting
Aura strong transmutation CL 10th
Slot--- Price 3800 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description The Clay of Flesh Crafting resembles fine potters clay, moist to the touch, with a light brownish tinge. Applied to the skin of a target humanoid, this single use item makes the flesh malleable, allowing another person to reshape the target’s physical appearance including apparent sex, race, weight and height with a Craft: Sculpture check. Unwilling targets must be physically or magically restrained throughout the process. DC’s on the Craft: Sculpture checks are:
Same race and sex DC 10
Different race or sex (or both) DC 15
Specific person: DC 30, +5 circumstance bonus modeling off a painting or statue; +10 if modeled on an actual person.
A successful role allows the character a +15 circumstance bonus to disguise checks. The clay does not change hair color, eye color, or the target’s size category or grant racial abilities.
Alternately, the clay can be used to cause blindness, deafness, or silence without a skill check by covering the ears, mouth, and eyes or any combination thereof. Silence also removes the ability of the target to eat, leading to eventual starvation. Effects are permanent unless removed by break enchantment, limited wish, wish, miracle or reapplying the Clay of Flesh Crafting and making the appropriate skill checks.
The original clay originates in Arcadia, which some tribes of the continent use in adoption ceremonies for children captured to replace slain relatives. Wizards in Cheliax and Andoran have mastered the art of mixing the clay. It is used by both nations’ intelligence services and in Cheliax for artistic endeavors.Construction Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, alter self, permanency Cost 3800 gp
There are a few SAIC affects, and I don't see a DC listed for the negative affects. For 3800 gp I expect it to have a save.
I think it does too much with the negative affects added in. The craft skills idea is cool though.
This was my submission. Please give me plenty of constructive criticism, as I am trying to get into the gaming industry.
Scabbard of Reforging
** spoiler omitted **This item was inspired by two things: First, those campaigns where you never find a magic weapon that corresponds with your character theme or weapon focus and everything ends up going in the 'barter' pile. Second, when you have a GM that likes to sunder a lot!
I'll be the first to admit that it doesn't have that immediate 'WOW' factor, but in my opinion, it is practical, useful, balanced and doesn't really 'break' anything (pardon the pun). If anyone thinks otherwise, please comment and be brutaly honest.
By the rules it is very hard to repair a broken weapon. I don't think an item should be able to bypass that. I do like the idea of changing the weapon though.
Also submitted for judge's critique on their thread, I'm putting it here for general commentary.
Paranoid Charm
Aura faint abjuration; CL 5th
Slot neck; Price 4,000 gp; Weight .5 lbs.
Description
This amulet is crafted in gold, often in the form of a humanoid face bearing a pained expression. The amulet can be activated once per day, upon which for the entire 24 hour duration it will either confer a +4 enchantment bonus to the wearer's AC or absorb 60 points of damage of *only* the most recent physical (blunt, slash, pierce) or energy (acid, fire, cold, electricity, force) damage of two hit points or greater inflicted upon the wearer in the past day.The amulet cannot be activated again or have its type of protection altered during its 24 hour duration and removing the charm from your neck ends any conferred bonus immediately. Whenever the amulet is donned, it cannot yet be activated until the wearer suffers at least two hit points of any of the applicable types of damage noted. Likewise, if the wearer does not suffer any of the applicable types of damage in over 24 hours, he must suffer enough damage of any of the applicable types before it will activate again; non-lethal damage does not satisfy the damage prerequisite for activation of this item.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, shield, protection from energy; Cost 2,000 gp
The item is way underpriced for what it does. Even just absorbing 60 points of damage which is technically 60 extra hit points is too much for such a low price. The +4 to armor is like a never ending wand which is also worth more than 4000. I would pay at least 8000, and probably a lot more for such an item .
@Gerrard - okay, I did miss the 3 charges per day, but that's two levels of charges. 3 uses per day, total of 15ft of clay between them is weird. If you're going to do that put a maximum use per charge, not maximum total. I was going based on your comment on runnuing out of clay.
Most of your other comments make good sense, but as I have only a good, and not an encyclopedic knowledge of the rules (similar to what it says to expect of the judges), it would be reasonable for a judge to make the same comment I did in a similar situation.
@Gerrard - okay, I did miss the 3 charges per day, but that's two levels of charges. 3 uses per day, total of 15ft of clay between them is weird. If you're going to do that put a maximum use per charge, not maximum total. I was going based on your comment on runnuing out of clay.
Most of your other comments make good sense, but as I have only a good, and not an encyclopedic knowledge of the rules (similar to what it says to expect of the judges), it would be reasonable for a judge to make the same comment I did in a similar situation.
One more thing, the 15 cubic feet of clay is the max amount of material that can be created from the spell major creation with a caster level 15.
I do value the view you gave, another set of eyes is always welcome.
Star Voter Season 6
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Miniature Token of Second Chance
Aura abjuration;; CL 4th
Slot ---; Price 2,500 gp; Weight -- lbs.
Description
This well crafted two-inch token is made in the image of the creature it was created for. It has the power to delay a visit from death. The character doesn’t need to have the token in hand but just in their possession to gain the benefits of the token.
When the carrier of this token is hit by an attack or fails a fails a saving throw, you can select the wounds and/or effects to be magically transmitted to the token instead of the carrier.
The token is destroyed in the process.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item; Paladin’s Sacrifice, Cost 1,250g.
Nightmare Flask
This is kind of neat. I think the writing needs to be tightened up a bit. "Raspy" doesn't seem like the right word to describe a necklace.
The nightmare bit is interesting, but I wonder how it would work in practice. Seems like anyone who drinks from this would be treated as casting against a target that you have a Knowledge level of Familiar and with a Connection of Body part, etc. So a -15 on the Will save. Also, the recipient would always be awake when the nightmare was "cast", so does the nightmare visit during the next sleepy time? What happens if the same person drinks multiple doses of fear-stuff? Are elves immune to this?
Since nightmare is such a significant part of this, it should probably be in the reqs too.
Miniature Token of Second Chance
Aura abjuration;; CL 4th
Slot ---; Price 2,500 gp; Weight -- lbs.
Description
This well crafted two-inch token is made in the image of the creature it was created for. It has the power to delay a visit from death. The character doesn’t need to have the token in hand but just in their possession to gain the benefits of the token.
When the carrier of this token is hit by an attack or fails a fails a saving throw, you can select the wounds and/or effects to be magically transmitted to the token instead of the carrier.The token is destroyed in the process.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item; Paladin’s Sacrifice, Cost 1,250g.
For only 2500 it should be able to negate a failed save or ignore the damage, but not both. More fluff would have been nice also. Other than that I do like the item.
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That's an interesting take on it (and it fits well with my reconsideration of the item as a cursed item - tricking others into using cursed items is classic). But I think it's not as unreasonable as you think for somebody to create one of these - it just won't be an adventurer.I can see this item being made; just not by either of the two users.
A crime lord, a fiend, or demigod of anarchy, could see this as a means to set two noble families, merchant houses or guilds against each other.But that relies on the initial user being unaware of the reciprocal nature of the item. No-one will create this to use themselves, only as a trap to lure those too greedy for their own good.
Once Stooge No 1 has milked his rival for whatever he can get, the word 'slips' out about the curse of the coin. The two rivals throw their militias at each other, one to force a showdown, the other to prevent one. Assassins are hired to murder their opposite number, or in a futile bid to steal the coin back before it 'recharges'.
Thanks for the invite; I wish I had the time to read and comment on all the items.
I took time out to comment on yours, as it seemed like there was a good idea in there for a scenario, and it would work better as a scenario. It seems unfortunate to 'waste' the idea in an item comp, when it could have been pitched as an entry to PFSociety. (The PCS are called into the lodge at Absalom, told there's a riot down the docks. "Go find out what it's about, and end it, before it interferes with our shipment of antiques!")What the coin does is enforces contracts. They can be very unusual contracts, but contracts nonetheless. That's what I was aiming for...
My original attempts at the opening described wary negotiators and bargaining merchants, and also invoked fae contracts, which were really the inspiration for the whole piece...
The problem is, that aspect (tough negotiations, clever legalistic wordplay, sealed with a binding contract) only applies if both parties enter the negotiations willingly, both believe they've got a good deal, and both demands are enacted simultaneously, as both parties sign some magically-treated document together.
IIRC, what you wrote was for one party to be hit with a one-sided demand, on receipt of a coin. There's no negotiation involved; Party A hands over payment for some earlier transaction, and Party B gets compelled to follow whatever utterly unreasonable demand Party A thought amusing. Something like "Sell me your entire assets for half cost price", or an equally ignominious fate.
Party B then has a week to stew over this, the insult gnawing away at his gut, as he dwells obsessively on his revenge for this attack (and it is an attack; an unprovoked, unannounced, unilateral sneak attack).
After the week is up, Party B makes his demand; "Sign yourself, your whole family to the fifth cousins thrice removed, their wives, sons daughters, slaves, animals, and all assets to my ownership, to be willingly treated however I see fit, even to the point of torture and death.".
Party A has nothing to gain from using this item; everything he gains on Day One will be reversed, with interest (at 999 million% APR) by Day Eight. The only way this item (as written) will be used, is if Party A is utterly unaware of the second demand.
He can't go to the authorities for protection, since he is the one committed a criminal act. There is no breach of contract; there isn't even a contract. The demand is totally divorced from any negotiations the two Parties held; if they even had any at all. If there were a contract, then the priesthood of Abadar or Asmodeus could read through it, and even be impressed by the way he worded it in his overall favor, and rule Party B to be legally bound. But what actually happened was, 'Party A gave Party B a coin, which mind-raped him', and as far as the legal authorities are concerned, Party A deserves everything he has coming to him. They may even hold him, to ensure Party B gets his compensation and pound of flesh.
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I suppose I ought to take my lumps, here, too:
This is my entry for this year; my main worry was the pricing.
By stepping away from the temptations of SIAK, you find yourself in uncharted waters, where the price table no longer applies.
Cauldron of Remembrance
Aura minor necromancy, medium transmutation; CL 7th
Slot none Price 17370 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description This small, lidded cauldron is usually eighteen inches across, of beaten copper or bronze, emblazoned with animal and humanoid figures, entwined in scenes denoting reincarnation and rebirth.
As well as being a normal cooking tool, the cauldron may become attuned to its owner, if they fill it with animal fats, heat it, and meditate on the swirling patterns of the surface for an hour.
Once attuned, the owner may cause the cauldron to heat and cool itself, without need for fuel or flame. All Craft (alchemy) and Profession (cookery) checks are made with a +2 circumstance bonus.
The cauldron can be used in a ritual, rendering a Medium-sized or smaller corpse into a jelly, that can be transported more easily. The time required for this ritual is 2 hours (Medium), 30 minutes (Small), 5 minutes (Tiny or smaller).
This jelly will not decay, as long as it remains in the cauldron.
Once per 12 hours, the user can heat up the cauldron, and the liquid jelly can be made to form itself into a replica of the original creature, which can be questioned, as per the spell speak with dead, ignoring the requirement for an intact mouth.
Once per week, the heated jelly can be poured into a roughly-cut trench lined with herbs costing 1000gp, and the creature may be reborn, as per the spell reincarnate. If this is done by a druid, or a witch with the Cauldron hex, the cost is halved to 500gp.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, gentle repose, heat metal, reincarnate, speak with dead; Cost 8685 gp
For the record, the pricing was as follows;
gentle repose SL2*CL3*1800/2(long base duration)=5400*0.75 (2nd effect) = 4050
heat metal ? (not costed, as flavor only. see judges comment thread on similar off-camera effects)
reincarnate SL4*CL7*1800/10(infrequent use)=5040*0.5(3rd effect)=2520
speak with dead SL3*CL5*1800*0.4(uses/day)=10800
The reincarnation, I reduced further, as the user may not always need to use it at the given rate, even at the slow rate of 1/week.
The reincarnation effect I left as still requiring materials, as it would otherwise have sent the crafting cost into orbit, but I allowed the reduction in the per-use material costs, so as to function as a 'power component', and thus, do something outside the bounds of the spell as written.
I included the benefits to the Cauldron Hex Witch as an inclusive shout-out to the new classes in the APG.
Roll on 2012!
Mask of the Mystic Hunter
No need for italics in the description. Pathfinder doesn't do that.
I think it's sufficient to say that the mask fuses with the wearer's face.
It's a super-duper tracking item. It's been done before, but this is a bit of a different twist. That's primarily due to the new APG spells this is based on, though.
Ouch, you can track the caster of a spell for days after the casting. I'd be OK with hours after, maybe. Days seems too long. I'd rather see the length tied to the spell level or caster level, rather than random. Follow aura has restrictions based on the strength of the target's aura.
I don't think the APG page numbers are really needed. Also, odd mundane items needed for crafting aren't listed in the reqs.
Stump DustA treatment for advanced cases of syphilis?
Now, that's just not fair...! ;-)
It works on dragonrot as well.
Doggedly continuing in the face of almost certain carpal-tunnel.
Urn of the Giant Horde
An item that causes difficult terrain is kind of neat.
Why would you want to keep the urn closed? Don't you want to unleash the hoard of giants?
The hoard also affects a 30-ft cone? Shouldn't there be some additional combat stats for the hoard? Is there no way to interact with them, other than to get stomped? They must be corporeal if they're stomping around.
You're riffing on the combat maneuver usage of telekinesis and giving it a physical manifestation, I think. You get to try to trip every creature in the area, rather than targeting a limited number of opponents? They should be taking non-lethal damage. I don't think subdual damage exists in Pathfinder.
There's a kernel of a good idea here, but I'm not sure it has been worked all the way through.
Mask of the Mystic Hunter** spoiler omitted **
Urn of the Giant Horde** spoiler omitted **...
Thank you excellent feedback!
Re: Reciprocity Coin:
IIRC, what you wrote was for one party to be hit with a one-sided demand, on receipt of a coin. There's no negotiation involved; Party A hands over payment for some earlier transaction, and Party B gets compelled to follow whatever utterly unreasonable demand Party A thought amusing. Something like "Sell me your entire assets for half cost price", or an equally ignominious fate.
Party B then has a week to stew over this, the insult gnawing away at his gut, as he dwells obsessively on his revenge for this attack (and it is an attack; an unprovoked, unannounced, unilateral sneak attack).
After the week is up, Party B makes his demand; "Sign yourself, your whole family to the fifth cousins thrice removed, their wives, sons daughters, slaves, animals, and all assets to my ownership, to be willingly treated however I see fit, even to the point of torture and death."Party A has nothing to gain from using this item; everything he gains on Day One will be reversed, with interest (at 999 million% APR) by Day Eight. The only way this item (as written) will be used, is if Party A is utterly unaware of the second demand.
Ah, but I beg to differ. The advantage of Party B is that he goes last; granted, that's no small advantage. But Party A has a heckuva significant advantage of his own: he goes first. That means that he initiates the deal; he's the one who has the first and best opportunity to arrange the terms and circumstances to his advantage. It also means he can prepare himself against the counter-demand - be it passively, by locking himself in a dungeon for a week so he can't fulfill the counter-demand, or actively, by crafting his original demand in such a way that it leads Party B into a deadly trap, freeing Party A from any repercussions.
Beyond the balance of the individual transaction, consider that anybody with 8,000gp (or, say, the sales revenue of any 16,000+ gp valued magic item...) can get a one-use demand effect. This isn't a doomsday device, and abuses like you describe, which try to dictate long-term behavior and obligation, are IMHO much more difficult to contrive than you make them out to be. Yes, demand is extremely powerful - but it's in the game, and it's there to be used.
And personally, I think the most intriguing uses will be when both sides get to use 'em :P
Reciprocity Coin:Interesting trick, but really abusable and a little weird on how it actually has to be used.So, you give the item to someone. They don't need to know about it, and they immediately make a will save. If they fail, they do something, and if they pass they... write it down? That's weird, if they pass the while cycle should be moot, or at least cut to the next step immediately.
Actually, every time I see this discussed people write out the whole process of what goes on. If that's how your item is described it's too complicated. period.
How does the receiver know that he can make the other person do something, too? Does that get whispered to him? How does he know what the other person can do? A lot of issues here, and is a plot device waiting to happen.
And then the coin might suddenly become useless. But if it doesn't, the new owner can use it again, and that new owner could potentially use it again? way too complex. One (double) use should be enough for the price tag.
Thanks for this - this is very helpful, and I agree entirely with your comments. I can argue with some of them, but at the very least, every single one is a significant concern that I can see rising from an initial reading of the item; something that may be OK mechanically but is not clear, and I really do have way too many of those.
I can explain for hours and for miles how cool the item is if you really think about it and understand what it does. That's nice as far as it goes, but if it seems uninteresting, confusing, and/or simply awkward in the initial description, nobody's going to go farther than that, and I haven't done my job.
Thanks muchly for the feedback :D