Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7
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The Pirate Queen's Call
*...125,000 gp for an item that will almost never see use, except in the most dedicated seafaring games. It's functional and written moderately well. And the template was applied (mostly) correctly...except for the italicizing of spell names and lowercase aura. I'm not really thrilled by it enough to champion it for Superstar. Might be worthy of a book of magic items...or, more likely, a supplemental sourcebook on naval combat. As is, I vote to Reject.*...Plot device, but a good one for a change. Vote to Reject.
Slot --; Price 125,000 gp; Weight --
Description
This traditional bosun's call is carved from weathered bone. The whistle can be sounded once every 24 hours, summoning a motley assortment of phantom sailors; enough to provide the minimum required crew for the sailing vessel upon which the whistle is blown. These sailors crew the vessel for 24 hours, after which time they fade into nothingness.
While serving as a ship's crew, these sailors are of such quality that a ship's travel speed is doubled. Their skill also provides the ship's captain with a +2 competence bonus to any sailing or shipboard related skill checks.
In ship-to-ship combat, a vessel crewed by these spirits travels at one-and-a-half times its normal speed. It can also accelerate or decelerate 40 feet per round, instead of 30. The ship also receives a +2 deflection bonus to its AC and a +1 bonus to all saves, while its captain receives a +2 bonus on his initiative rolls.
Phantom crew members can only sail a ship, they cannot participate in combat and cannot leave the vessel. If they are attacked directly, or are ordered to leave the ship, they fade away. Once destroyed or dismissed, the crew cannot be re-summoned until their normal 24 hour duration has passed.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, haste, shield, unseen servant, Profession (sailor) 8 ranks; Cost 62,500 gp
Riddleport is, second to Lankhmar, my favorite fictional city. That being said, we tend to move our campaigns and adventures west of that particular hive of scum and villainy, rather than east or north.
As such, the seafaring campaign was precisely the niche I was aiming for, much to my detriment. I also hoped affecting a newly-minted rules subset from the APG would grab a little attention.
I hadn't intended on the item being perceived as a plot device, though I'm pleased that aspect of my entry was (relatively) well-received.
The typographical issues... Careless and honestly inexcusable—I know better.
As always, however, I appreciate the feedback.
...Not to complain, because I know you guys have worked real hard answering all these post, but could I get a little more specific critique than "meh" and what amounts to 'boring'?
A little help, please??
When you create your item you should always ask yourself if there are spells that can do what your item does.
If yes, then you are fighting an uphill battle in that your writing and presentation should be really really crisp and evocative and tie the spell effects together very very well.
In other words: if you can't really win the judges with your idea then you have to win them over with your presentation.
2nd: giving a PC a monster ability is usually a big no-no.
*...Interesting concept. Really ought to have simulacrum as a spell requirement. Maybe even seeming for added flavor. I actually like the idea. And the...Mannequin of Misdirection
Aura moderate transmutation and illusion; CL 11th
Slot -; Price 15,000gp; Weight 35 lbs.
Description
This item appears to be a standard oaken dress dummy commonly seen in the window displays of clothing boutiques. The mannequin is the size of an average human and its head, arms, and legs are detachable for easy storage. Close examination of the chest reveals a catch which opens a small chamber containing a wooden heart.
Once per day, if the mannequin is fully assembled and a medium-sized humanoid places fresh blood in the heart chamber, the heart begins to beat. Over the next minute, the mannequin transforms in shape and takes on the physical appearance of the user. Upon completion of the transformation, the mannequin animates as an object under the control of the user. Treat it as a medium animated object with following additional construction points: Additional Attack, Grab. The user can place up to 12 hit points of blood in the heart chamber and every hit point of blood animates the mannequin for 10 minutes. The mannequin is able to follow simple instructions but is incapable of speaking, running, or wielding weapons. It can wear armor but it cannot effectively use a shield.
The true power of the mannequin of misdirection is its ability to confuse divination spells. While activated, attempts to scry or locate the user will be redirected to the mannequin of misdirection. Detection spells such as detect evil function as if the mannequin is the user. Anyone interacting with the mannequin of misdirection can make a DC 15 Will save to determine its true nature.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, animate objects, silent image; Cost 7,500gp
Thanks Neil! I guess my writing wasn't as bad as I thought!
Breath of the Hoarskin Hag*...I'm not sure why this item is tied to a hag. And normally, I'd think of hags as witches...which means spells like blade barrier or wall of fire wouldn't normally be on their spell list.
*...setting that aside, I've always wondered why no one could ever invent a higher version of the wall spells that you could manipulate and move round by round to force people into them...or, rather, move the barrier against them. I kind of like that there's an item that could allow for that. But how do you price it? It can't just be based on animate objects and gust of wind. Also, I'm not sure that I like this type of item nearly as much in the shape of a hag's skull.
*...I really hate the joke built into the lead-off sentence of the item's description. It doesn't instill a lot of confidence in the designer's future writing ability.
*...Add all these things together, and...I have to vote Reject.
*...Agreed. Reject.
Thank you very much for the feedback, it is greatly appreciated, and together with all the feedback provided on this thread extremely useful.
I themed the item around green hags because they are reputed to be the most hideous of all hags; hence spells fleeing from an item made out of a green hag's head. I realise now that the theme was a miss, leaning, as it did, too far on the jokey side.
Pricing was quite a tall order for this item, as you said, calculating it based on animate objects and gust of wind did not work. Comparing it to similar items did not get me anywhere either, as it introduces an effect not really seen elsewhere.
I ended up ballparking it by looking at the most common minimum spell level it would become useful at, and for the wall spells that was level 4. That would put a caster at 7th level, so I priced the item according to the expected level of wealth for a level 7 character.
Spell Pellets
*...So it turns sleep into a ranged touch attack with a fixed DC of 13, and adds color spray or glitterdust as well? Not feeling this. Reject.
*...Meh. A quirky way of activating a SIAC color spray or glitterdust. Don't care for the mechanic. Don't care for the idea. Vote to Reject.
Throbbing Orb*...5d4 bleed damage?! Is that per round? Or a one-time impact on a direct hit with the splash weapon? Seems like it's priced a little low for negating all bleed damage while bestowing the wounding property (which could potentially stack with existing weapon properies on an already magic weapon). Not really a fan. Vote to Reject.
*...Agreed. Reject.
When I asked fellow players, they told me things like "overpriced", "too complicated", "I would just sell it", "too many restrictions", "wrong aura", which are comments I expected. From the judges' comments, I guess it is essential to have a good hook right from the start to entice them to read the submitted item a second time. Submitting an item 15 minutes before the deadline probably doesn't help either.
Throbbing Orb
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 10th
Slot —; Price 17,000 gp; Weight 1-2 lbs.
Description
A throbbing orb is a crystal sphere the size of a human heart that is cold and translucent in its inert state. When held in hand, the orb confers immunity to bleed damage to its possessor and the wounding property to any slashing or piercing melee weapon he wields. Moreover, each time bleed damage is taken by a creature in a 5-foot radius, a charge is added to the orb. When the maximum number of charges (20) is reached, the wounding property is lost. As the orb absorbs blood vapors, it takes on a carmine hue and its wielder can feel it beginning to pulsate on its own, gradually growing softer, warmer and heavier. As a swift action, a throbbing orb can be activated; it can then be thrown to sprinkle enemies in a 5-foot radius with a powerful anticoagulant that only affects creatures at less than full hit points. Treat the orb as a thrown splash weapon with a range of 20 feet. All charges in the orb are expended on impact. On a direct hit, an orb inflicts 1d4 points of bleed damage for every 4 charges spent (maximum 5d4). Splash damage is equal to the orb's minimum bleed damage (maximum 5). Once discharged, a throbbing orb becomes inert, losing all abilities until 24 hours have elapsed.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, bleed, cure light wounds, creator must be an alchemist; Cost 8,500 gp
With regard to pricing (for anyone still looking) I figured the hit point consumption more than offset the relatively low price.
Firstly, 96k is not a low price. Perhaps for the list of abilities, but not low overall. And consider that by the time you'll have 96k to spend, you're probably level 10 or 15. Even at minimum HD rolls, you have 10 or 15 hit points, and much more likely have nearly a hundred. Losing four hit points is nothing when you have 100hp or 150hp. Four CON however, would have been a much more interesting tradeoff.
how the heck do I keep getting this wrong?
...
Maybe later, after the contests have ended, someone can go over these rules for us and explain what we're doing wrong.
As always, Niel's experience shows very clearly. I can't say anything more to that than - I agree.
I really appreciate the comments. Thanks a lot for taking the time to post them.
Sun of Valor*...Eh...I really hate that last paragraph about the sun moving toward "potentially hostile creatures." How does it determine "hostile"...? Based on alignment? About to make an attack? Made rude remarks about your mama? Starting attitude of Hostile? This is too open-ended.
*...I think the item's best abilities are the floating sun for daylight and the blinding channeling bit. So, there's a seed of good idea in there. I'm just not sure the designer properly shined it up and showcased it. It's just not quite there yet. I'm going on record with a vote of weak Reject.
*...The other sun/channel item is a much better candidate. Vote to Reject.
I must say I did somewhat anticipate the problems/confusion with 'potentially hostile creatures'. That particular trait of the item was supposed to encourage risk-taking, since my item in the previous year was in the category of items that were nixed for 'making adventuring less dangerous'. Hence, I set out to create an item that would be interesting and avoid that pit trap. Unfortunately, I went so far in the effort that I overruled my design intuition telling me that this could cause confusion. I will try to trust my instincts more if I enter into the contest in the future.
To ask a follow-up question: Do you think this particular feature adds something to the item (assuming it were better implemented and clearer) or would the item stand on its own if it were simpler and this particular feature were avoided? Thanks!
Sun of Valor
Aura moderate evocation, faint enchantment; CL 6th
Slot -; Price 15,500 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
This item appears as a small golden disc resembling a miniature Sun one foot in diameter. It can be activated once per day by speaking the command word. The item remains active for 12 hours and cannot be deactivated.
An active Sun of Valor follows its owner, floating up to 6 feet above the ground. It emits a comforting bright light in a 60-foot radius, providing all creatures in the area with a +4 circumstance bonus to saving throws against fear.
The true power of the Sun of Valor becomes apparent around a Paladin or a Cleric who can Channel Positive Energy. Channeling Positive Energy within 60 feet of the Sun of Valor causes it to shine with exceptionally bright light that blinds all creatures within 60 feet for 1d6 rounds if they fail a DC 15 Fortitude save. Each use of this ability reduces the item’s daily duration by 4 hours. Channelers with a way, such as the Selective Channeling feat, to exclude creatures from channeling effects can use it to exclude creatures from the blinding effect.
The Sun of Valor encourages bravery. Should the owner avoid heading towards any potentially hostile creature he is aware of within 300 feet, after 3 rounds the Sun of Valor will begin moving towards the closest such creature on its own in the most direct path possible at a speed of 30 feet per round, while shining 120-foot long beams of light both towards its owner and in the direction of the potentially hostile creature. It can be attacked and has a hardness of 8 and 30 hit points.Construction
Requirements blindness/deafness, daylight, remove fear, channel positive energy ability; Cost 7,750 gp
Pardon Neil, I think you skipped my item near the bottom of page 20 and if you can take a look at it I'd appreciate it :-)
Thanks!
Knight's Sigil
*...Some nice flavor. But it really all boils down to a) a list of simple bonuses to various skills and saves, and b) a lesser restoration SIAC effect. Just nothing innovative about it. But it's well-crafted and used the template very well. Probably a decent item for a book of magic items, just not necessarily Superstar.
*...If I line it up: Good idea. Mechanically bland. Well-written. Very good presentation with template. I'm tempted to reward this level of workmanship with a Keep, but...I have to vote Reject.
*...Name is crap (auto-reject #16).
*...Just a shopping-list item. Reject.
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I'd appreciate any feedback possible ...
Whispering Shroud
Aura illusion (strong); CL 13th
Slot ---; Price 5,500 gp; Weight 1 lb
Description
This gray hooded robe of linen is decorated with numerous engraved onyx plaques and scented of incense can be draped over a corpse, indefinitely preserving the body from decay as per gentle repose.
Additionally, the whispering shroud allows communication with the dead, should the corpse have died within 24 hours of being covered, and subject at any later point to an extensive four hour ritual, culminating in the shroud’s command word to summon an echo of the spirit of the deceased. This spirit echo may freely communicate in a ragged whisper and knows what the departed knew up to the point of death, but has an initial attitude helpful to the person who activated the shroud, and indifferent to all others.
The spirit echo may be called upon to make a skill check or use racial or class abilities, as long as the action is limited to a vocal component, and does not require sight or targeting. The spirit echo of the departed is assumed to have only 1 of the departed’s levels or HD (and the appropriate feats, skill ranks, and special abilities for the creature of 1 level or HD). The spirit echo can only hear its surroundings, not see them.
If the shroud is removed from a corpse, the echo spirit and gentle repose effect dissipates and renders the shroud nonmagical. However, if left active upon a corpse that is subject to a raise dead spell or effect, replaces the need for an expensive material component. The revived creature has no memories of the echo spirit.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, gentle repose, simulacrum; Cost 2,750 gp
Whispering Shroud
*...Another way to keep a PC in the encounter after death. This seems a bit overcomplicated compared to the other we saw. Of the two I prefer the other, so I reject this one.
*...Agreed. The explanation of the mechanics has some weak writing to it. The core idea is okay. This one just needs more refinement and a better presentation. Vote to Reject.
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Thanks Neil! Nice to see I was near the ballpark ...
Whispering Shroud*...Another way to keep a PC in the encounter after death. This seems a bit overcomplicated compared to the other we saw. Of the two I prefer the other, so I reject this one.
*...Agreed. The explanation of the mechanics has some weak writing to it. The core idea is okay. This one just needs more refinement and a better presentation. Vote to Reject.
RPG Superstar 2015 Top 16
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Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka Rusty Ironpants
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Weaponcharm Bracelet*...The "objects on a charm bracelet" item has been done before. This one only stores weapons and lets you add the masterwork property as you summon them. And it doesn't let you add new stuff to it. I'm not bowled over by it. And that last statement about adding further properties to the charm's weapons worries me.
*...this is a bunch of weapons masquerading as a wondrous item. Vote to Reject.
*...How long do these last?
*...Anyway, item is a group of weapons pretending to be a wondrous item, which makes this a...Disqualify/reject.
Neil, thanks for posting the feedback.
After submitting, I was a bit worried that the judges might view the item as a weapon item rather than a wondrous item. Now I know!
Neil Spicer's Advice:
The comment "compared to the level at which a PC would have to be to acquire this item" suggests that magical items have to be designed to take into consideration the "Table: Character Wealth by Level".That's exactly right. You should always consider the final price you've calculated for a wondrous item...as compared to what level a PC would likely need to be to have the gold on hand to acquire it...and then compare that item (and any DCs for its abilities) to the power of the monsters and adversaries they'd be facing (i.e., CR-appropriate monsters, NPCs, etc.). If those monsters and NPCs can routinely (and easily) beat the DCs of your item's powers, you've designed and/or priced it wrong. Wondrous items need to pretty much come into play at points in a PC's adventuring career where they would be useful and potent. Otherwise, it's just an item no one would bother wasting money on...since it wouldn't impact any encounters where it would see use.
Maybe I'm "old school", but I thought of that chart as just a guideline. But, I can understand using it as a ruler for corebook magical items. I just didn't realize that was part of the magical item creation rules and so didn't reference it.This is part of the "art" of wondrous item pricing and why it's important to compare your designs to items that already exist in the game. Those items have already been priced appropriately for the CR and PC wealth level where they would ordinarily come into play. That's why you'll find more than a few items in the Pathfinder Core Rulebook that break the rules according to the wondrous item pricing table.
Remember: The most important element of pricing a wondrous item isn't the pricing table under crafting wondrous items. Instead, it's the comparison. However, I've always found the best route is to price it according to the table first. Then, go back and compare. If something seems out of whack, that's when you start adjusting it down or up to...
Awesome advice Neil!!! Thank you so much. I now have a much better understanding of how to look at pricing.
Just a personal note, giving out magical items for me (since I started playing the classic fantasy RPG that we all know, back in 1983) has been a sort of art. Knowing when and what to give at what times, based on what's coming in the adventure, what abilities the characters have and what I want them to be able to do; are all part of knowing the game system and being a good GM.
One adjustment I've had trouble struggling with in Pathfinder is the concept that characters can actually purchase magical items. I don't do it in my own campaign world, but it has a real factor in game design. This, obviously, is why pricing magical items is so important. I didn't get that before. Your advice really helps with that.
Thanks,
Ken
Took a while to get up the nerve to post for feedback but... what the hell. I finally decided that no matter how BAD my item was, my permanent gaming group's reaction was all "Ohh, I want one!" so as long as the work I'm doing continues to make their gaming experience a good one then I'm on the right track.
I'm pretty sure I screwed up the cost as originally I had intended for it to be 58,000 not 38,000 but somehow the math error slipped past and I didn't see it until after I submitted. Ah well. Still, knowing what else could be adjusted will be useful.
Crystal Crown of Souls
Aura moderate necromancy [evil]; CL 9th
Slot head; Price 38,500 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
These crystalline crowns come in many different shapes and sizes, but each of them has set within it five marquis cut gemstones worth at least 500 gp each. Such a crown is considered by many to be the epitome of evil as it not only requires murder to power it, but it feeds off living souls and prevents them from reaching their proper afterlife. To activate the crown, the wearer must use their bare hands to deliver the final, killing blow to a creature with an Intelligence of 12 or greater. That creature must then make a DC 18 Will save or have its soul sucked into one of the gemstones, activating that stone. When one gemstone is activated the wearer then receives the benefits of the trapped creature’s knowledge and gains a +2 competence bonus to all Knowledge skill checks. Once three gemstones have been activated the wearer’s benefits increase and they gain a +2 enhancement bonus to their Intelligence. Finally, when all five gemstones have been activated the wearer gains the ultimate prize for their stolen knowledge and gains a +2 bonus to their effective caster level. Once donned, the crown can only be removed upon the wearer’s death which immediately frees any souls trapped in the gems.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, death knell, magic jar, creator must be evil; Cost 19,250gp
Took a while to get up the nerve to post for feedback but... what the hell. I finally decided that no matter how BAD my item was, my permanent gaming group's reaction was all "Ohh, I want one!" so as long as the work I'm doing continues to make their gaming experience a good one then I'm on the right track.
I'm pretty sure I screwed up the cost as originally I had intended for it to be 58,000 not 38,000 but somehow the math error slipped past and I didn't see it until after I submitted. Ah well. Still, knowing what else could be adjusted will be useful.
Crystal Crown of Souls:
Aura moderate necromancy [evil]; CL 9th
Slot head; Price 38,500 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
These crystalline crowns come in many different shapes and sizes, but each of them has set within it five marquis cut gemstones worth at least 500 gp each. Such a crown is considered by many to be the epitome of evil as it not only requires murder to power it, but it feeds off living souls and prevents them from reaching their proper afterlife. To activate the crown, the wearer must use their bare hands to deliver the final, killing blow to a creature with an Intelligence of 12 or greater. That creature must then make a DC 18 Will save or have its soul sucked into one of the gemstones, activating that stone. When one gemstone is activated the wearer then receives the benefits of the trapped creature’s knowledge and gains a +2 competence bonus to all Knowledge skill checks. Once three gemstones have been activated the wearer’s benefits increase and they gain a +2 enhancement bonus to their Intelligence. Finally, when all five gemstones have been activated the wearer gains the ultimate prize for their stolen knowledge and gains a +2 bonus to their effective caster level. Once donned, the crown can only be removed upon the wearer’s death which immediately frees any souls trapped in the gems.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, death knell, magic jar, creator must be evil; Cost 19,250gp
Well, right off the bat, I'd say a couple of things probably caused you an issue:
- Sure looks like a villain (read NPC) item to me.
- Activation is a bit convoluted - killing intelligent creatures with your bare hands so that they make a Will save to avoid being sucked into a gem. The item does nothing for you until you successfully do this 3 times.
- So you kill the night watchman at the keep and gain a +2 competence bonus to Knowledge (Religion), Knowledge (The Planes), etc.? That's a strange connection.
- +2 CL is pretty major for 19,250gp (why not make one of these?) - the 'drawback' is that you have to be evil. But if you're evil it's pretty darn awesome. And if you're evil you're probably killing stuff anyways, so it's not like it's really that big of a deal.
Obviously I'm not Neil, but I saw your post and would like to say a bit in response.
Mechanics (in the context of an item) are what it does, how it interacts with other objects, creatures, and the game world and how that is expressed in terms of the rules of the game? Mechanics are the workings, so to speak.
If you can't communicate the mechanics of an item clearly you have a problem: nobody will understand just how good or bad your item actually is because they don't know precisely what it does? It's like being handed a small handheld electronic device and you can see it has buttons and some sort of screen, but you don't have a clue what to do with it because the instructions are written backwards in a foreign language in code.
Apart from wish you luck for the future that's about as much as I feel I can do for you unless you want an irreverent Ask A RPGSupersuccubus review of your item for some strange reason...
Thank you Charles, that clearly answered my question about what is meant by the phrase 'mechanics'. I appreciate you taking the time to answer my inquiry. This is the first year that I competed and it has been a learning experience.
Crystal Crown of Souls
*...Hmmm. Interesting. The soul power-ups to this device are an interesting mechanic...though it makes the item a bit more difficult to accurately price. I suppose you price it as if everything is active for the wearer. And it's packing some potent stuff for just 38,500 gp.
*...First, the bonus on all Knowledge checks seems a bit odd, since it's related to the knowledge you glean from an absorbed soul. What if Joey the miller never learned a thing about Knowledge (arcana) or Knowledge (planes)? It would seem a bit odd to get a bonus on every Knowledge skill check.
*...Secondly, the +2 enchancement bonus to Intelligence is fine. I'd expect that to carry a base price similar to a headband of vast intelligence +2, only this item doesn't explain what to do with the inherent bonus skill points that would result from the increase. This is why the headband of vast intelligence has to explore that topic in its own Int-boosting mechanics. And yet, this design leaves us hanging in that regard.
*...Thirdly, I'm a bit worried about that last power. A +2 boost to CL is really significant...particularly when it's across the board. If it had targeted maybe a single school of spells to which someone could attune it when the final gem activated, I might like that better. But this item is written such that it's a boost to clerics, druids, oracles, rangers, paladins, bards, and even rogues with the minor magic/major magic talents. And a +2 boost to CL for some of those fringe spellcasting classes could be a pretty big boon.
*...So, I don't know. I've got small quibbles with the mechanics and choices the designer made in this thing. But they followed the provided template really well. It's an interesting idea. They're trying to be innovative with the soul-powering concept. And the writing is pretty decent. Even so, I'm inclined to Reject.
*...This item doesn't gain its full power until you charge it up with souls. Which means when you create it, it's not at full power, you have to charge it up. Which means it's technically worth more once you start charging it... but as you can't remove it until your dead, it does weird things to your wealth by level.
*...I don't see how killing some Int 12 fighters would boost your caster level, BTW. Reject.
Ok, after a long and kind of busy week and weekend i finally got around to page 3.
Polyergon Polyhedron
Aura strong transmutation; CL 15th
Slot –; Price 12,000 gp; Weight –
Description
This object is a 20-sided polyhedron crafted of some semi-precious material, commonly ivory. At first glance, it closely resembles the dice used in gambling and games of chance. Upon further inspection, it becomes apparent that, instead of numbers, each face of the polyhedron features an iconographic representation of a piece of useful adventuring equipment. By placing the polyergon polyhedron on a flat surface and uttering a command word, the user can cause it to unfold and transform into the item represented by the icon on the upward-facing side. This icon remains on the item in a prominent location after transformation, and uttering a second command word while touching the icon causes the item to revert to its polyhedron form. When using the transformed polyergon polyhedron in an activity requiring a skill check or ability check, the user gains a +4 competence bonus. The polyergon polyhedron can be transformed an unlimited number of times, each time becoming a pristine copy of the chosen item. If the transformed item becomes broken or any of its components is taken more than 100’ away from the rest, it immediately reverts to its original form (hardness 7, hp 3). The following is a list of available transformations:
Anvil
Bucket (empty)
Butterfly net
Compass
Fishing rod (5’ long with 20’ line, hook, and float)
Flint and steel
Grappling hook (with 50’ hemp rope)
Inkpen (full)
Kayak (1-man rowboat with 1 oar)
Ladder (20’)
Lantern, bullseye (full and lit)
Magnifying glass
Periscope
Rope, hemp (100’)
Shovel
Signal horn
Skeleton key
Spyglass
Tent, pavilion (with 4 bedrolls)
Toolkit (containing crowbar, drill, hammer, and saw)
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, fabricate, polymorph any object; Cost 6,000 gp
this just seems to be a magical Swiss army knife (not only the autoreject category). I'm curious about the skeleton key. Is it always the same skeleton key, or do you get one that fits every lock you want?
If it fits locks this makes disable device for locks obsolete.
Bonsai of Sanguine Feasting
Aura Faint conjuration and necromancy; CL 6th
Slot --; Price 7,000 gp; Weight 4 lbs.
Description
This Diminutive, dead bonsai tree is rough-hewn, made of a dense and knotty wood riddled with odd wooden veins tracing up and down the length of the miniature trunk. Bereft of leaves and branches, it fits easily into a backpack. To use the item, a user must drizzle a small amount of fresh blood over the tree, causing the veins to swell slightly and take on a dark and oily appearance.
Once per day, a wielder may plant the bonsai down into natural soil, where the veins grow into the exposed roots and sprout the tree into a Large version of itself over the course of five minutes. The tree’s wide boughs are covered in pale hand-shaped leaves, providing ample shade. Five minutes after the tree has stopped growing, the branches droop heavy with enough fruit (blood oranges, naturally) to feed five people. The tree dies and completely dries out an hour after planting, allowing branches to be snapped off and burned for firewood. Five hours after the staff was first planted, the tree disintegrates into mulch, revealing a new bonsai where the heartwood of the tree should have been. Unless the bonsai has been drizzled with fresh blood, none of these effects occur – planting a bonsai without engorged veins results in a small hole in the ground.
Though perhap\s a little morbid, the trees are not evil, and remain a favored tool of young adventurers. Philosophically-minded necromancers and monks especially appreciate the trees, and use its magic to aid companions when it comes time to stop for the night.
Construction
Requirements Create Wondrous Item, create food and water, heartwood of an orange tree; Cost 3,500 gp
A bonsai of sanguine feasting? Whats up with that? This gotta be gonzo...
This is kida gross and the flavor text is way overdone. The „blood oranges, naturally“ is just a bad pun and unprofessional.
Thats a lot of text for an item that can feed 5 people 1/day. And I can buy 3 rings of sustenance for the pricetag of this item.
Bone Melter
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 10th
Slot wrists; Price 4,500 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
These wrist cuffs melt the bones of humanoid target creatures. They are quite difficult to apply; the target creature must submit to having them put on or be grappled or rendered helpless. Once placed on the target’s wrist, the Bone Melter liquefies along with the bones of the wearer (and is consumed).
The subject loses the structural integrity necessary to perform any voluntary movement and his life processes are slowed such that any ongoing effect from disease, wounding, poison or the like is halted. Eating, drinking, and respiration are unnecessary in this form, though the subject’s natural lifespan is not extended. The form is not natural to the creature and no extreme adaptations are made to accommodate the new form. Every three days the creature must make a Fort save with a DC equal to the number of days spent in the amorphous form or die. The DC of this save can be reduced by half if another character takes an hour during that three day period to clean and maintain the target creature.
This state persists until the magic is removed (such as by a successful dispel magic spell).
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, baleful polymorph; Cost 2,250 gp
„willing or grappled or helpless“ I suspect you mean pinned, because otherwise grappled would be a huge disconnect.
I don't really get the item. I think it is supposed to be a set of handcuffs that easily holds a creture, but making them amorphous by melting their bones opens more questions than it answers ( e.g. if I don't have any bones in my hand, why don't I simply slip out of the bonds?)
Wouldn't a temporal stasis like effect ( which you seem to have in there anyway) been enough?
Or where you mostly going for gonzo and gross and hoped to make a lasting impression?
Mudlark's Prize
Aura Faint divination and transmutation; CL 5th
Slot Neck or wrist; Price 16,250 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This worn-looking but sound antique strand of precious metal or fancy stones (sometimes fastened with a lead seal stamped with the rat's paw of Hanspur), when clasped around the wrist or throat, assists in finding items lost or discarded in the mucky corners of Golarion's cities.
The prize provides several benefits with respect to standing or flowing water, mud, or waterlogged materials (but not firm earth, ice, weather conditions, or non-aqueous liquids). Such areas don't cost extra movement for the wearer to move into, increase the risk of slipping, nor, within 30 feet, provide any concealment from the wearer's sight to submerged creatures or objects.
A character with the Water domain or the Exploration subdomain, a witch whose patron governs Water, or an oracle with the Waves mystery casts the bonus spells granted by these options as if 1 caster level higher while wearing the mudlark's prize.
The item grants a +2 resistance bonus to saving throws against diseases and a +2 morale bonus to saves against effects that would nauseate or sicken the wearer.
Finally, once per day, upon speaking a command word, the wearer instantly senses the location of the nearest unattended object of a nominated material or form (with similar limitations to locate object) within 100 feet.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, locate object, water walk, creator must have 3 ranks in the Survival skill; Cost 8,125 gp
Who is Mudlark, and why is his prize lying around this treasure hoard?
Your writing needs some cleaning up, it's pretty hard to follow.
It has many very different abilities, loosely arranged to a theme, and thus is a SAK.
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 10th
Slot -; Price 14,000gp; Weight 2lb.
Description
This heavy, reinforced scabbard feels warm to the touch and smells of burning coal. Once per day as a full-round action, any blade within 1 size category of the scabbard may be sheathed and reforged into the exact size and shape of the scabbard’s intended weapon. For example, sheathing a Small-sized Scimitar into a Scabbard of Reforging intended for a Medium-sized Long Sword will reforge the item into a Medium-sized Long Sword, but a Medium-sized Dagger or Large-sized Great Sword will be rejected. Any special materials or magical properties up to a Caster Level of 10 are retained by the reforged weapon, but all other properties are lost. Artefacts cannot be reforged by the scabbard. This effect can be used to repair damaged or broken blades, but destroyed blades are treated as being 1 size-category smaller for the purpose of fitting into the scabbard; providing most of the pieces can be reclaimed.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Items, Fabricate, Make Whole, creator must have 2 ranks in Craft (Weapons) skill; Cost 7,000gp
So this item allows you to fit whatever weapon you find to your weapon of choice. Definitely a player item.
I think it is boring and kinda munchkiny.
Adamantine Flask
Aura strong abjuration and transmutation; CL 15th
Slot —; Price 62,525 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This small flask appears to have been patched together from a diverse array of adamantine scraps and stoppered by an obsidian crystal plug. Within the flask contains a black liquid which has the look and consistency of oil, but tastes like metallic water. Once per day you can drink from it, causing your skin to harden and take on the appearance of adamantine, granting you DR 5/— for 1 minute.
After used the flask becomes empty and must to be refilled with water to be reused. 24 hours after being refilled the water is transformed into the dark viscous substance and the flask is once again ready for use.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Craft Magic Arms and Armor, elemental body IV; Cost 31,262 gp
Dr 5/- in a can. And very expensive for 1 minute of moderate DR.
Pentacle Purse of Quandary
Casting Level: 19
Aura: Moderate Transmutation
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, Spellcraft, Arcane Lock, Detect Thoughts, Shatter, Fabricate, Polymorph any Object.
Cost: 38,000 gp
Market Price: No less than 80,000gp
Weight: 1lb
Slot: None
Description: The Pentacle Purse of Quandary is a rare item that allows its owner to always have exactly the amount of money needed for a personal transaction. The Purse always knows of the need and will fulfill it. It it the requisite duty of the user however to not try to lie as it can read your thoughts. It is for personal use by that character and no one else. If that person dies or it is stolen, it acts like an ordinary purse.
Before a player can activate, at least 10% of however much they wish to spend plus an object of equal mass to the maximum amount of the money they wish to spend must placed inside of the Purse. It only takes the Purse an hour to process the material placed inside of it. After that, the money inside can be used.
At least 1 gold must be placed inside of the purse every day in order for it to keep its magical properties. For each day missed, the user must double that amount, and it stacks over time (ie. after 3 days it takes 4 gold, and at four days it takes 8 and so on). Also, the gold placed in the Purse must come from a source other than the Purse; it cannot be used to replenish itself.
In order to activate, merely the intention and thought of the prospective transaction needs to be thought of. If it is opened and the money is not spent, it will break and be rendered usable. The Purse give out exact money ONLY.
The purse is meant to be unassuming and thus it is made to look like nothing more than a coin purse with either an interlocking lip or even a drawstring pouch. It may have the name of the bearer embroidered, but it is not meant to be flashy in any way
failure to use the template.
Not less than 80,000 whats that supposed to mean? Also doesn't line up with cost.
A never empty purse? Oh boy, I smell cheese.
A personal item for one character and no one else? This is not a wondorus item, this is a character trait / homecampaign goody/ whatever.
Don't use ALL CAPS in your item description.
I can buy everything at a 90% discount? That breaks every character ahving this really fast. And for 8,000 gp I can buy another purse and they can feed each other. And form that i will get exponentially growing unlimited money.
Your writing is not that of a professional presentation, but more like an informal explanation. Remember you are not designing a goody for one of your buddys to use, but an item that should be publishable and unsable by the general gamer.
Sarong of Cinders
Aura moderate divination; CL 9th
Slot belt, Price 8,192gp; Weight 3lbs
Description
Made of dark red satin the contour lines of movement give this garment the impression of dancing flames. The sarong allows the wearer to see clearly through smoke and is immune to suffocation or choking caused by heat based environmental conditions. Finally the Sarong of Cinders cools the wearer, as if affected by the endure elements spell.
If the wearer has levels in cleric with the fire domain or one of its subdomains then its domain power is treated as a cleric of five levels higher.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, endure elements, true seeing, creator must be a cleric with the fire domain (or a subdomain thereof); Cost 4096gp
Thats a very specific price.
Neat little item with neat little effects till the last ability. That kills it for me, because
a) it is underpriced for the effect
b) the effect is worded abigously
c) the effect is just stealing from all the other +X levels for specific ability
d) it makes the item more of a SAK
But even without it i would have discarded the item, because it is not exciting enough.
Voice Box of Birdsong
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 7th
Slot neck; Price 13,200 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This small hollow box held on tightly by a choker, rest comfortable in the hollow of the wearer’s throat and is decorated to resemble a singing songbird. A voice box of birdsong conveys some of the lyrical abilities of songbirds to its wearer, additionally allowing him to communicate with them and even to call upon their aid. It grants a +4 competence bonus on Perform (sing) checks. On command the wearer can speak with animals (birds only) up to 7 minutes a day, in increments of 1 minute.
Once per day, as a standard action the wearer can summon a flock of songbirds that appear within 40’ of the wearer and act as he directs. The flock is identical to a bat swarm except as follows 26 hit points, swarm damage 2d6 and does not possess blindsense or the Wounding special attack, instead the flock has Deafening Cacophony - any creature damaged by the flock must make a DC 17 Fort save or be deafened for 1d6 rounds. A flock can be commanded to take a standard action to split into a pair of flocks. This divides the remaining hit points equally between the flocks; lowering the swarm damage of each to 1d6, the DC of their Deafening Cacophony to 13 and length of its effect to 1d3 rounds. Only two flocks can be present at the same time and can merge back together as a standard action if touching. A flock cannot split if it has less than 13 hit points remaining. The flock serves the wearer for 7 rounds before vanishing.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, speak with animals, summon natures ally IV; Cost 6,600 gp
This is more a monster (Flock of birds) than an item.
Splitting swarms is odd, and that the distraction Dc does not fall with it doesn't help.
The part of the item that isn't a creature is very bland (skill bonus and SiaC)and added to the main ability irt becoes SAK.
Hand of Vengeance
Aura Strong Abjuration CL 13th
Slot Hands Price 43,232gp Weight 7lbs
Description
Intricately etched with elaborate runes, this heavy cold iron locked gauntlet is highlighted by electrum chains that anchor a weapon into place, and features a prominent star sapphire set in the back of the fist.
Once per day, as an immediate action, the Hand of Vengeance affords it's wielder unparalleled protection from a single targeted spell as the incoming spell triggers the gauntlet's defenses. Arcane runes flare to life, absorbing the incoming spell and channeling its power into the weapon locked in the gauntlet's grip. Upon the spell's absorption, the star in the sapphire seems to float free of the gem, flying unerringly towards the spell's caster to hover above their forehead, marking them for retribution.
The stored spell is immediately delivered with the next successful melee attack made with the charged weapon. Any attempt to unlock or remove the gauntlet while a spell is stored results in the immediate release of the spell upon the wearer.
Construction
Requirements
Craft Wondrous Item, spell turning, detect magic, masterwork cold iron locked gauntlet, star sapphire +1000gp, mirror +100gp
Cost: 21,616gp
this is spell turnin in a can with an interesting but complicated twist. We've had at least 2 spellturning items in the top 32 so far, so I can't really see a 3rd one making it.
Stating material components in the requirements is unnecessary and not wanted. They are simply assumed to be part of the 21k gp spent on crafting the item.
Diadem of the Spider
Aura strong conjuration; CL 13th
Slot head; Price 16,400 gp; Weight -
Description
At first glance, this circlet is a tangled web of silver threads crowned with a spider locked in amber; when placed on the head, it clings tightly to the scalp of the wearer. Upon mental command, the diadem bids a swarm of spiders up to 100 feet away to approach; the swarm moves normally and converges to surround the wearer in a protective, writhing mass. If the swarm is under another's control, the controller receives a DC 19 Will saving throw against the effect; intelligent swarms use their own Will save modifier. While controlled by the diadem, the spiders cannot be commanded by their original master.
The spiders attack all creatures as normal, except the wearer, who gains a +4 circumstance bonus against the swarm's distraction. The swarm crawls over and around the wearer, providing concealment; any attack against the wearer that could damage the swarm causes the blanket of living vermin to absorb 5 points of damage for the wearer. An intelligent swarm that takes damage in this manner receives a new saving throw with a +2 bonus.
The diadem of the spider functions for 13 rounds each day. The rounds need not be consecutive, though attempts to exert control count against the limit. If the effect ends or the swarm is dismissed (a standard action), the swarm ignores the wearer for one round.
The diadem can command swarms of vermin other than spiders, but they receive a DC 19 Will saving throw to resist. If such a swarm is actively controlled, it gains a bonus on the save equal to the controller's Wisdom modifier.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, creeping doom; Cost 8,200 gp
Well, I like the visuals of the item, but it degrades too much into a SAK of defensive effects. Also I'm not sure if the swarm should still be active as a swarm, when it is forming a swamr armor.
Also Bee-men. ;)
Animist’s Core
Aura strong transmutation and universal; CL 14th
Slot --; Price 90,000 gp; Weight 22 lbs.
Description
An animist’s core is a brassy, 10-inch diameter sphere embedded with strange dials and valves. Originally devised by the arcanists of the Technic League in Numeria, the core enables skilled practitioners of transmutation magic to create powerful, permanent guardians and servants with the animate objects spell.
Once per day as a standard action, the core’s possessor may cause the sphere to assimilate with an animated object within 30 feet by holding it aloft and speaking a command word. The creature to be affected must be a construct animated by the possessor himself with the animate objects spell. Once activated, the animist’s core flies toward and is incorporated into the animated object. This assimilation changes the duration of the animate objects spell animating the construct to “permanent,” as the permanency spell.
Additionally, the incorporated creature immediately gains two additional construction points (see Bestiary, page 14), and a +2 enhancement bonus on all attack and damage rolls with its slam attacks. Finally, the incorporated creature gains the ability to accept complex instructions, obeying the animator’s spoken commands to the best of its ability.
Should the incorporated construct ever be destroyed, the animist’s core falls to the ground, intact. Should the permanency effect bestowed by the animist’s core ever be dispelled, however, the core becomes drained of its power and gains the broken condition. Repairing the core takes eight uninterrupted hours of work and requires 15,000 gp in rare components and materials. A broken core cannot be activated until it is repaired, and no spell or magical effect short of a miracle or wish can repair a broken animist’s core.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, animate objects, fox's cunning, permanency; Cost 45,000 gp
Definitely some cleaning up needed, language wise. I can hardly figure out what your item does or how it works. Practice your writing skills.
So it sustains one animate object spell? Or can it make more than one at a time permanent?
Permanency in a can to a certain degree.
The added benefits are kinda nice, though.
The biggest flaw about your entry is its writing and presentation.
Aura faint enchantment and transmutation; CL 5th
Slot belt; Price 9000 gp; Weight 0.5 lbs.
Description
Worn tied around the waist, this beautiful, woven silk belt is made from the finest black and golden thread and has four tassels on each loose end alternating in black and gold. It was first created to embody the aspects of Calistria - the threefold stings of passion, guile and vengeance. Since then enterprising, jealous or lonely spellcasters have fashioned a number of these items for their own use. This belt grants the wearer a +4 enhancement bonus to Bluff and Diplomacy skill checks.
Four times per day, the wearer can detach one of the gold tassels, and use it as an additional spell component while casting charm person. If the target fails their save, they will feel a sharp sting as the spell comes into effect. The spell is treated as if affected by the Extend Spell feat, without increasing the spell level slot required to cast it. The target of the spell treats the caster as a lover, and can be considered to be helpful.
Four times per day, the wearer may remove one of the black tassels, and use it as an additional component in a spell cast against a lover that has betrayed them. The spell in question is then treated as if affected by the Disrupting Spell feat, without increasing the spell level slot required to cast it. This disruption manifests as a feeling of multiple sharp stings on the body. All tassels used reappear within twenty four hours.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Disrupting Spell, Extend Spell, charm person, eagle’s splendour; Cost 4500 gp
A bit of a SAK. The first option is basically a rod of lesser extend, but tied to a specific spell and with an added benefit.
A lover that has betrayed them is a very specific and hard to quantify target. Is someone who was affected by the first effect and now isn't any longer a lover who has betrayed?
And this too is basically a metamagic rod in a can.
Absalom Amulet of Distinction
Aura Moderate Transmutation; CL9th
Slot Neck; Price 16,000 gp; Weight –
Description
This plain necklace of fine links and a stamped copper sigil seems like it might become very important to you.
First identified as part of the tomb spoils from an ancient ruin, these Amulets have become a favored item of the would-be godlings of Absalom, who use them to increase their profile and stand out from ‘mere mortals’.
Wearing the Amulet for a full week causes it to attune to you and become almost unnoticeable by others (DC 30 Perception to tell you are wearing one). If removed, it takes another week for the effects to fade as people slowly start ignoring you, and forgetting why they thought you were special.
While attuned to the Amulet, you are Distinct. You take a –20 penalty on all Disguise checks, and all Hide checks to vanish into a crowd. Any entity attempting to appear as you also takes a –20 to its Disguise rolls, and loses any racial or circumstance bonuses while doing so (this penalty is not apparent to the entity). You literally cannot be mistaken for another person.
If you have the Leadership feat, you gain a +3 to your Leadership score for determining the number of followers you have (but not a cohort).
You gain a +3 to Diplomacy interactions, Knowledge (Local), and such interactions with people who like to talk to you, tell you things, and you always seem to know everyone and what is going on locally.
You are generally estimated by others to be three levels higher level then you actually are, and are treated accordingly.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Leadership, Alter Self (rev), Non-Detection (rev), Eagle’s Splendor; Cost 8,000 gp
What's up with the (rev) behind Alter self and nondetection?
So it's a item that takes a week to take effect and works for a week after I sold it?
It starts out with a bunch of penalties I take, and while I get the basic idea the item is supposed to follow I don't get the feeling that the rules live up to that.
Diplomaycy interactions?
Language is confusing it parts.
Is there a rule on how people estimate you based on your level?
Cloak of the Coward
Aura moderate necromancy; CL 7
Slot shoulders; Price 22800 gp; Weight: 1 lb.
Description
This rakish-looking half-cape is black with a bright yellow vertical stripe down the center and is held with a clasp that features what at first glance appears to be a feather from a noble bird of prey, but upon closer inspection is actually that of a chicken or ostrich. Upon donning the cape, the bearer feels a heightened sense of awareness that hinges on paranoia, giving them a +2 bonus on initiative checks. However, it is when someone attempts to affect the wearer’s mind that the cloak’s true abilities are revealed. Should the bearer ever be affected with a charm person spell or a special ability that mimics its effects, the spell or special ability is countered and the wearer is instead frightened towards the person who cast the spell. Should the bearer ever be targeted by a dominate person spell or a special ability that mimics its effects, the spell is not countered, however the wearer instead is panicked towards the item, object or person he is first compelled to interact with. The cape can only react against these particular enchantments three times a day. If a character is immune to fear, they cannot benefit from any of the functions of this item.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, fear Cost: 11400 gold
I'm not particullarly wowed by the name or the general description.
So this is basically a twist on two spells, and a quite odd one too. I don't really know what to think about it.
Genteel Rogues Handkerchief
Aura strong abjuration and conjuration; CL 9th
Slot -; Price 30,660 gp; Weight - lbs.
Description
Sewn from the finest silks and embroidered with gold and silver thread, this elegantly designed handkerchief appears to all physical investigations to be nothing more then as it appears. As a full-round action the handkerchief can be activated by speaking the proper command word and snapping the handkerchief, causing it to unroll into a set of masterwork thieves tools. This set of masterwork thieves tools gives the user a +5 competence bonus to all Disable Device checks.
The tools may be returned to their normal state by saying the command word again, which causes the tools to roll back up into a handkerchief.
Characters with the Trapfinding class feature may, 2/day as a standard action, disable any magical trap as if they had succeeded on a successful Disable Device check, by wiping the handkerchief over the trap, and saying the command word.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Major Creation, Dispel Magic; Cost 15330 gp
A magic handkerchief? Count me.... confused?
A magically hidden and enhanced set of thieves tool is neither mechanically nor conceptually innovative.
Auto disabling of traps is a big thing, and a place in the rules where i think that absolutes are a very bad thing.
LACE FAN OF THE VIGILANT COURTIER
Aura faint divination; CL 5th
Slot -; Price 13,500gp; Weight ½ lb
DESCRIPTION
This ornate lace fan has two applications. Firstly, so long as the possessor of the fan keeps fanning themselves they suffer no penalty for wearing heavy or restrictive clothing or armor in hot environments.
In addition by covering their mouth and concentrating for a minute, the possessor of the fan can "read" a room containing no less than 10 people. The "reading" will reveal the general emotional state of the room (excited, fearful, happy etc.) In addition, the most socially important persons in the room will also be identified (even if disguised), as well as general group affiliations and strong emotional ties between people in the room. The fan will not reveal any specific information, thus it will not identify what affiliation a group holds or the nature of any strong emotions, it will merely indicate that these bonds exist.
CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, endure elements, detect thoughts; Cost 6,750gp
Hmm. First of its a fan that when you keep on fanning it keeps you cold. But you have to use it all the time. (or only one short moment each hour?)
The second ability is very loosely defined and largely depends on Gm fiat.
Staff Head of the Dragon Lords
Aura Strong Transmutation; CL 17th
Slot -; Price 110,000 gp; Weight 1 lbs.
Description
This bauble, two ornate dragons twisting around a brilliant gemstone, fits onto any magical staff. As a standard action the dragons animate and latch onto a staff held by the user, and remove themselves in the same manner.
The trinket is treasured by dragons for its ability to return power to staffs within the dragon's hoard. Once per day, after the bauble has been latched onto a staff for at least 24 hours, the user may return one charge to the staff it is attached to. To do this the user must expend a spell of the highest level the staff is able to cast along with magical reagents worth an amount of gp equal to the highest level spell in the staff times ten. This ability cannot restore staffs that no longer hold any charges.
As a secondary function, the attached dragons can be commanded as a standard action to release all power within the staff as a reckless breath weapon of magical energies. Every charge in the staff is released in a 60 ft. cone shaped blast. Every creature within the blast recieves a reflex save for half damage, DC 17. The damage dealt is equal to the number of charges expelled times the highest level spell in the staff divided by the number of squares away from the user (rounded down). Using this function is risky, there is a 20% chance the user is affected by the blast (distance treated as one for damage). Unattended objects also take the damage.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item ,creator must be able to cast spells of at least 9th level; Cost 55,000 gp
So this 1: allows me to recharge another charge per day to a staff? Meh.
And 2: allow me to dicharge the staff in a blast that deals an ammount of damage that is so hard to calculate that i donn't want to use it.
Ruby Monocle of Mind Bending
Aura moderate enchantment; CL 7th
Slot eyes; Price 31,500 gp; Weight -
Description
This item consists of an expertly cut, multi-faceted ruby lens in a bright golden frame, with a thin matching chain attached to the side. When the command word is spoken, the ruby lens glows with a swirling, hypnotic light. One creature that can see the wearer, and is within 30 feet, that fails a DC 16 Will save must immediately make a single melee attack. This attack must be against one creature within the target's reach or it may be against the target itself. This choice is made by the Ruby Monocle's wearer. The target uses it's normal attack bonus and damage for this attack but the Ruby Monocle wearer may augment this attack with any appropriate feats the target may possess, such as Power Attack or Vital Strike, but may not use feats that allow the target to attack more than one creature, such as Cleave. The Ruby Monocle reveals to the wearer any suitable feats the target possesses for the purpose of this attack, but does not reveal any other feats the target may possess. The power of the Ruby Monocle may be used three times per day. The monocle does not impede the wearer's sight in any way.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, confusion; Cost 15,750 gp
3/day force someone to attack a creature of your choce, including itself? Meh. Not overly creative in concept and way to complicated in execution.
Archers' Elemental Glove
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 6th
Slot hands; Price 36,000 gp (green), 36,000 gp (white), 36,000 gp (blue), 36,000 gp (red); Weight --
Description
These gloves comes in one of four different varieties, each made from a different type of dragon skin. Each glove is attuned to a different element (green for Acid; white for Cold; blue for Electricity; red for Fire). When worn by an archer it replaces the physical damage of each arrow fired with its assigned elemental type. Once the arrow has finished its flight the magical energies dissipate and it returns to its original state. Upon a critical hit, the arrows explode in a small burst of their elemental energy, dealing an extra +1d4 damage of the glove's type.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wonderous Item, Elemental Spell (Metamagic), elemental touch, magic missile; Cost 18,000 gp
I don't see the need to list so many prices if all variants cost the same.
So this is basically a way to circumvent DR , but being hindered by elemental resistance instead.
Normally Elemental resistance is higher than DR ( or even pain immunity) so this isn't a too bad change, but I have the feeling that this should be a weapon special ability or specific magic weapon.
Also what makes an archer? Does a fighter with a bow get this? A sorcerer? Anyone with Weapon focus bow?
Spectacles of the Second Sight
Aura faint divination; CL 5th
Slot eyes; Price 7,500 gp; Weight —
Description
Though the mirrored eye-shaped lenses on these ornate silver spectacles constantly blink open and closed, they do not hamper the wearer’s vision in any way. As a move (manipulation) action, the wearer may make an opposed Perception check to catch the open eyes of any visible two-eyed creature within 15 feet.
If successful, the lenses cease blinking, take on the appearance of the target's eyes, and the spectacles become charged. As a swift action, the wearer may discharge the spectacles; for the next five minutes, she replaces all her visual abilities and attacks with those of the target at time of charging. This includes darkvision, low-light vision, light blindness, light sensitivity, skill ranks and bonuses in sight-based Perception checks, and magical, spell-like and supernatural effects that rely on sight (such as true seeing or a paladin's detect evil). If the target possessed a gaze attack, the wearer may actively gaze towards one creature of her choice during the discharging period. The DC for any effect remains the same as if it was derived from the original target. The spectacles cannot grant base Wisdom modifiers or any ability acquired from a magic item. After five minutes, the lenses regain their mirrored sheen and may again be charged.
A charge may be held indefinitely, but is immediately lost if the spectacles are removed. A creature may not have their vision mirrored by a pair of spectacles of the second sight more than once in a 24-hour period.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, arcane sight; Cost 3,750 gp
Eye-shaped mirrorshades that blink? What?
Move actions don't have descriptors like (manipulation) . Basically every move action that isn't movement I used to manipulate something.
There already are rules for gaze attacks ( making eye contact) No need to invent different ones. Why an opposed check, most likely your opponent does not eyen know that he's supposed to avoid eye contact.
I don't like ability copying items. This could be a cheap way to double the use of a true seeing spell for a party. (and without spending extra materials)
Unlimited uses of this for 7,500 gp? Way underpriced.
Base wisdom modifiers? What does that have to do with sight based effects? And what is a base wisdom modifier? (ah, I see, it supposed to be for perception checks... still don't like it)
Athame of the Master
Aura moderate necromancy and strong transmutation; CL 17th
Slot -; Price 100,302 gp; Weight 1 lbs.
Description
This unassuming stone dagger is a powerful tool in the hands of any caster, as it allows them to cast spells using their own vitality or that of another. As a move action a caster may choose to target themselves and deal damage in place of losing a prepared spell or spell slot. The amount of damage taken is equivalent to 5 times the spell's level, for instance casting a 5th level spell would require a sacrifice of 25 hit points. The wielder of the athame may use a willing target in their stead to power the blade's magic. Using a willing target functions the same way as when the wielder is the selected target. If the target is unwilling, it must have the helpless condition. Using the athame in this way is an evil act. If used as a weapon, it is treated as a +1 vicious dagger.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Enervation, Mnemonic Enhancer; Cost 49,802 gp
the last sentence is a auto disqualify. This isn't a wondrous item, this is a magic weapon.
100,302gp? Not 100,301 , not 100,303? Why that specific? (302 for the masterwork dagger, eh? Again magic weapon DQ)
Recharging spellslots by damage is bad. Simple breaking example: Cleric casts Heal with this item on his buddy. Looses 30 HP. Then casts heal on himself, looses 30 Hp , but gains 90. net gain: 90 hp for ally , 30 for cleric. But you don't need heal! CLW. Loose 5, gain 1d8+5. So as long as the groups cleric has the athame: free healing for everyone! Which in turn means free unimited spells for everyone, because they can spend HP to cast spells.
Naturesmith Gloves
Aura Strong Transmutation CL 15th
Slot Hands; Price 14,400 gp; Weight 1 lbs.
Description
These brown leather gloves appear worn and well cared for, each bearing an image of Torag’s hammer and tong on their palm. When a command word is spoken these gloves produce white clay that has morphic properties 3 times a day. The gloves produce clay at a maximum rate of 1 cubic foot per round or until 15 cubic feet of clay has been produced. After the gloves produce 15 cubic feet of clay the gloves become inert for 24 hours while the gloves renew their magical energies. The wearer can apply this clay to any non-magical, non-special stone, metal or wood at a rate of 5ft per round, clay used on invalid materials is wasted as it rapidly crumbles to dust. The clay changes 1 round after application transforming permanently into the same material it covers. For example, clay spread over a wooden doorframe seals the door to the frame as if it were a solid piece. The thickness, hardness and hit points are of regular clay until it is applied to stone, wood or metal, the clay gains the new materials hardness and hit points. If the clay is applied to any precious metal or mineral the duration is treated as the spell Major Creation with a caster level of 15th.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Polymorph Any Object, Major Creation, creator must have 10 ranks in the Craft (Sculpting) skill; Cost 7,200 gp
Hm, neat idea. But I mainly have 2 problems with this:
1. Requires a lot of GM fiat. Basically all game effects have to be decided by the GM, Including what constitutes for precious or special mineral or metal.
2. Since most applications seem to be permanent you can basically spawn an infinite ammount of , say iron, which can be sold for 1 sp per pound. So its an (exponentionally growing, by buying more gloves) infinite money cheat. (750gp per day and doubling every 20 days ;))
Is it 3/day or 15 cubic feet per day? Or 15 cubic feet, distributed among 3 uses per day?
Goggles of Twisting Sight
Aura Faint Abjuration CL 5th
Slot Eyes Price 14 250 gp Weight ½ pound
Originally created by fey artisans as protection against the gaze attacks of fell creatures, the world viewed through the goggles of twisting sight is an ever shifting riot of colors and distortion. The design has been copied by other races since then, though none have successfully eliminated the effects detrimental to non-fey. Anyone donning the goggles for the first time must make a DC 14 Will save or be dazed for 1d6 rounds, as their mind adapts to its new perception. While worn, the distorted view through the goggles offers a +4 resistance bonus on saves against any gaze or sight-based attacks. Fey can wear the goggles with no ill effect. But because their minds are not as comfortable with distorted reality, non-fey wearing the goggles suffer a -2 penalty on all sight-based Perception checks, as well as a -2 penalty on saves versus illusion spells and spell-like effects. Additionally, each time the non-fey creature removes the goggles there is a cumulative 5% chance (to a maximum of 50%) that their mind will become addled adapting back to reality; the wearer is affected as if by a confusion spell, caster level 5th.
Goggles of twisting sight offer an additional benefit to gnomes in particular, and gnomes often seek or craft them for this reason. Any gnome wearing the goggles at the appropriate time receives a +2 resistance bonus on their Will save to stave off or recover from the effects of the Bleaching.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, color spray, resistance Cost 7125 gp
This is a very weird, limited cloak of resistance with a large set of drawbacks and side effects.
This costs 14,250pg which is a lot compared to the 16,000 of a full cloak of resistance +4
the belaching effect, while nice seems lie a shout-out tack on to golarion. (is bleaching covered in that much detail in the rules? I don't know about it)
Leatherback Cloak
Aura Faint Evocation, Necromancy and Transmutation; CL5th
Slot Shoulders; Price 29000 gp; Weight 1 pound
Description
Crafted by shamans from the Mwangi Expanse to the Lands of the Linnorm Kings, this leather cloak is often fashioned from the backs of the turtles from which it draws its name. This can be seen in the item’s unusual shape, a semi-rigid oval that gives its wearer a slight bulge across the shoulders as if wearing a burden across his back. Odd though it may look, the Leatherback Cloak has helped many explorers survive in inhospitable environments.
Upon donning the cloak its wearer gains a +2 enhancement to his natural armor. Once per day as a standard action, its wearer may fall upon their knees and offer a small prayer for shelter to the spirit of the leatherback turtle and gain the benefit of a Tiny Hut spell, for a duration of 8 hours. Lastly, once in the Tiny Hut, as a standard action, the wearer may offer a small prayer of succor to gain the effects of Nap Stack. The effects of Nap Stack only benefit a user once per week.
Construction
Requirements
Craft Wondrous Item, Barkskin, Tiny Hut and Nap Stack; Cost1,500 gp
+2 Nat armor, tiny hut and nap stack? SAK and SiaC. And not enough mojo to redeem it.
Threads of Discourse
Aura strong divination; CL 9th
Slot ring; Price 2300 gp; Weight 0 lbs.
Description
Threads from this golden spool allow two to four intelligent creatures (Int = 3+) to communicate anywhere on the material plane during a communal dream.
When tied into a bow around each user's finger, strands of this variegated thread produce a shared, trance-like, dream state, with the five senses filtering through individualized dream worlds. If sleeping, unwilling wearers receive no save to resist, but strands may be untied while still awake. Spell resistance functions normally. Dreamers retain shared information (including learning new spells if otherwise possible) upon waking, but no physical exchanges or spell effects extend beyond the dream. Any new spell learned must be recorded normally within four hours after waking, or be lost.
All dreamers must tie their thread on the same relative digit or suffer a 10% chance (each) of being excluded to their own dream world.
The effect begins one hour after the first wearer falls asleep, affects the first four dreamers per spool per night and lasts four hours. Threads cannot be stacked to extend time or add dreamers, nor can any user participate in two dream worlds at once. Threads must come from the same spool but can be cut and separated up to twelve months in advance.
Waking ends that user’s participation, and allows the others a perception check (with +5 insight bonus) to wake themselves.
A strand lasts indefinitely until worn while sleeping, then degrades to dust. When empty, the spool can be reused for a 20% discount on construction costs. A full spool contains twenty-four threads; each dream requires one thread per dreamer.
Construction
Requirements craft wondrous item, Dream, Telepathic Bond; Silken tresses sacrificed under a vow of Silence, Cost 1150 gp
Aura should be moderate.
Ring slot is a DQ. Rings are not Wondrous items.
(including learning new spells if otherwise possible) What? Can 2 sorcerers use these to get additional spells known? I simply don't understand this and your writing in general needs to be tidied up. Spells learned must be recorded? So only wizards can use it? So I can write down 4th level spells at most, because all other spells take longer to write down than 4 hours?
Nightmare Flask
Aura faint abjuration; CL 1st
Slot neck; Price 1,750 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This smoked glass flask is capped with a pewter skull crying tears of chains which loop to form a raspy necklace. Embossed with the ebon seal of the Umbral Court, these flasks are often worn by Nidal's shadow-touched aristocracy and the clergy of the Midnight Lord. If the flask is empty and the wearer would become shaken, frightened, panicked, or start cowering, the wearer does not suffer that condition; instead, the fear is diverted and manifests inside the flask as a shadowy essence. The essence swirls and hisses restlessly while contained but cannot escape the flask and cannot be poured out. The flask may be used an unlimited number of times per day but must be emptied in between each use. The only way to empty the flask is for one willing sentient creature (which may or may not be the wearer) to drink the essence within. Tricking or coercing a creature into drinking the essence is an evil act. The drinker must succeed at a Will save (DC 15) or suffer as if subjected to a nightmare spell (a supernatural ability). If the flask is destroyed (hardness 1, hp 2), any essence within vanishes into the plane of shadow, traveling thereby to return to the former wearer from whom it was originally diverted, affecting that creature as if he or she drank the essence (Will save at an increased DC 25). A drinker may voluntarily fail the save against the nightmare effect, an act considered an offering of fear and pain to Zon-Kuthon.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, remove fear; Cost 875 gp
Targeting nightmare at waking creatures has a bunch of unwanted consequences.
What if you are already affected by a nightmare spell, or immune to its effects (fun fact: Elves don't seem to sleep in pathfinder, despite any efforts to the contrary ;) see last line of the nightmare spell)
Otherwise this pretty much is a “fear syphon” ;) (hint at my own line of items), so I have to like it.
The basic concept at least. Locking away fear , but having to re-confront it in your dreams is pretty cool.
Mask of Dou-Bral
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 12th
Slot head; Price 85,000 gp ; Weight 1 lb.
Description
The priests of Shelyn craft these beautiful masks to honor their goddess's faith that her half-brother Dou-Bral, despite his terrible transformation, will one day be restored to her.
This adamantine mask has eye and nostril holes, but no mouth opening. It functions only once the wearer swears a nontransferable pledge to protect one person they deeply trust and love. Siblings, lovers, and parents most commonly take up Masks of Dou-Bral. When attached with the leather straps and drawn down upon the face the mask activates, bonding with the skin, its metal flowing down to envelop the entire body.
This metallic skin grants immunity to ingested and contact poisons, damage reduction 3/adamantine, an armor bonus of +8, and spell resistance 13. The resistance increases by 1 for every level subsequently earned while protecting the loved one. Further, all unarmed attacks do lethal damage as adamantine weapons. The skin imposes no armor check, dexterity, or arcane spell failure penalties but wearing it while resting does cause the Fatigued condition.
The activated mask makes eating, drinking, and vocalization impossible. Only Shelyn's name spoken by the pledged love one will deactivate the mask. A break enchantment spell frees the wearer but the mask will henceforth reject both partners.
If a wearer dies protecting the loved one, the mask may be substituted for the material component of a raise dead or resurrection spell. The mask is destroyed unless its spell resistance is 15 or greater. In this case the mask is preserved but resets to its base of 13.
A mask worn by a wearer who's loved one dies is instantly ruined, the metal face cloven in two.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, shield other, instant armor; Cost 42,500 gp
Naming an item after a god ( even a god that now has a new name) pretty much sounds like this was his personal mask, and therefor is at least an artifact.
Bleargh- Italized background info.
DR, huge Armor bonus and Spell resistance? Wow. Bracers of Armor +8 alone cost 64,000. at least 15,000 for the DR (adamantine), 20,000 for Sr, pus multipliers for all in one slot. So this is underpriced.
Items that grow with the character are impossible to price and what resistances grow exactly?
How is determined if a level is gained protecting someone?
Very few Parents or lovers will be able to afford this.
What counts as a person you deeply love and trust is impossible to define. (and many characters deeply love and trust themselves, does that count? )
Why use break enchantment, if you can simply say “Shelyn “ and deactivate it?
Many more issues here. Feels a lot like a home campaign item.
Belt of Sudden Elasticity
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 11th
Slot belt; Price 61,900 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This pliable leather belt appears to have a plain silver buckle. If examined closely, the owner sees a continuous roiling throughout the buckle. While worn, the wearer feels as if they are able to twist their body into almost any position, granting a +5 bonus to all acrobatics checks. Upon speaking the proper command word the wearer appears to take on an undulating form allowing their limbs to stretch well beyond normal reaches. This grants the wearer reach as if they were two size categories larger, while still retaining their normal size. The wearer can activate the undulating form as a free action for a total of up to 10 rounds per day.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item , cat’s grace, fluid form; Cost 30,950 gp
the name is a bit goofy, but i'm intrigued to know what this tiem does.
Only by feeling as if I get a +5 bonus?
Rubber-flubber arms! Glad you avoided all sorts of pitfalls with this and kept it simple.
Too silly and comic-superhero-y for my tastes, but otherwise pretty cool, I just wish this did a bit more than increasing range and +5 to acrobatics. Like squeezing or,...
Mask of the Demon Hound
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 5th
Slot head; Price 27,000 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
Although some resemble the snarling visage of a fiendish mongrel, a mask of the demon hound gains its name from its function, rather than its form.
Crafted from sulfurous demon-hide, a mask of the demon hound grants its wearer the scent ability against creatures of the outsider type. For the purpose of this ability, outsiders with the evil subtype are considered to emanate a strong scent, while evil outsiders with more than 10 hit dice create an overpowering scent. Particularly foul environments – such as evil-aligned outer planes – may mask lesser scents. Abilities or effects that protect against divination or other magical detection have no effect on the scent function of the mask, which is a supernatural ability.
The mask of the demon hound also obscures the wearer’s alignment, shifting it one step towards chaos and one step towards evil for the purposes of spell or supernatural ability effects and item requirements. A lawful good character, for example, would be considered neutral when targeted by a detect good or holy smite spell and could wield an anarchic weapon without suffering a negative level. The wearer’s actual alignment is unchanged.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, beast shape I and misdirection or undetectable alignment; Cost 13,500 gp
Name screams Monster in a can.
Outsider sniffing is kinda cool, but this still fells like monster in a can.
The alignment masking goes a bit far in my book. Masking it for detection spells is fine, but everything else is unnecessary overkill.
Paranoid Charm
Aura faint abjuration; CL 5th
Slot neck; Price 4,000 gp; Weight .5 lbs.
Description
This amulet is crafted in gold, often in the form of a humanoid face bearing a pained expression. The amulet can be activated once per day, upon which for the entire 24 hour duration it will either confer a +4 enchantment bonus to the wearer's AC or absorb 60 points of damage of *only* the most recent physical (blunt, slash, pierce) or energy (acid, fire, cold, electricity, force) damage of two hit points or greater inflicted upon the wearer in the past day.
The amulet cannot be activated again or have its type of protection altered during its 24 hour duration and removing the charm from your neck ends any conferred bonus immediately. Whenever the amulet is donned, it cannot yet be activated until the wearer suffers at least two hit points of any of the applicable types of damage noted. Likewise, if the wearer does not suffer any of the applicable types of damage in over 24 hours, he must suffer enough damage of any of the applicable types before it will activate again; non-lethal damage does not satisfy the damage prerequisite for activation of this item.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, shield, protection from energy; Cost 2,000 gp
A charm that is paranoid? Duh?
.5 lbs is unusual and easy to mistake for 5 lbs.
+4 enhancement to AC is worth 16,000 gp alone. So this is way undercosted.
(Check out my straps of adaptive protection in the voluntary reject bin and any feedback aboout it. Might prove insightfu to you)
the limitation is a non-issue, because it is pretty trivial to deal 2 points of the kind of damage you want to be protected against. And even more trivial to heal it.
Hammer of the Master Craftsman
Aura: moderate transmutation
CL: 9th
Slot: -
Price: 28,000gp
Weight: 2 lbs
Description:
The hammer normally appears much like a mundane hammer with Dwarven runes carved into its head. During the act of forging, these runes will glow white hot, even if the hammer itself is still cool.
When crafting a mundane item, or any item crafted using the Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Forge Ring, or Craft Wondrous Item feats, this hammer allows the user to complete his work much more quickly than normal.
While crafting (or repairing) a mundane item using the Hammer of the Master Craftsman, instead of comparing the craft check result (craft check times craft DC) against the item’s value in silver pieces, compare it against the item’s value in gold pieces to determine the amount of progress made.
When crafting an item with the Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Forge Ring, or Craft Wondrous Item feats while utilizing the Hammer of the Master Craftsman, crafting time is determined at a rate of 1 day per 5,000gp of the item’s value instead of 1 day per 1,000gp of the item’s value.
In addition to the above effects, this item may also be used as an improvised hammer in combat (use the stats for a light hammer). Instead of dealing damage, on a successful attack, the attacker may choose to impose the broken condition upon one piece of equipment currently being worn or wielded by the target. There is no save for this effect.
Construction:
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, Fabricate, Crafter’s Curse (Advanced Player’s Guide)
Cost: 14,000gp
speeding up crafting might be useful, but not very exciting. And auto-applying the broken condition to any piece of equipment is very powerful (halving armor bonuses? ! ) and makes this more of a magic weapon.
Sneak Thief's Bluff
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
Slot neck; Price 16,500 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
Popular among the Sczarni caravans that wander Avistan, this large heavily embroidered scarf resembles the ceremonial kapenias of the Varisian people and is adorned with intricate embellishments and symbolism of their culture. Its colorful swirls and rolling patterns make it well suited for the complicated illusions and misdirection of Sczarni street performances.
The scarf grants the wearer a +2 competence bonus on any perform check made using it. If the wearer maintains such a performance using the scarf for at least two consecutive rounds before an individual or audience, she can fling a portion of it towards a target within 20ft. three times per day as a standard action; the scarf snakes towards the target, wrapping around a chosen trinket, granting a +3 competence bonus to combat maneuver checks to steal the item. The wearer must select the item before the check is made and there must be an unimpeded line of effect between her and the target for the scarf to reach its destination. The scarf may not retrieve individual items from fastened containers, remove clothing, or disarm opponents.
A successful theft is always immediately noticed by the target unless the wearer attempts another perform check on the following round against an opposing sense motive check from the target. If the wearer’s performance check exceeds the target’s sense motive check the theft goes unnoticed; the wearer receives a -5 penalty on any further combat maneuver checks to steal from the same target during a single performance.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, telekinesis; Cost 8,250 gp
Hm. Some good and some bad in this item, but both is hard to quantify.
Basically this is allowing you to make steal maneuvers at range with a +3 bonus, and allows you to keep others in the dark about stealing it.
But they immediately notice the theft, but unnotice it if you make your perform check on the next round?
Smokesting Fire-Geyser
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 7th
Slot --; Price 10,800 gp; Weight –
Description
This palm-sized silver carving mimics a wasp with tiny waist, a long, sharp stinger and four wings. Bands of obsidian and fire opals form menacing black and red stripes along its body. Activating the smokesting fire-geyser causes the wasp to zip away, leaving a plume of smoke everywhere it flies. The smoke later bursts into a geyser of flame dragging the user along the smokesting’s trail.
As a standard action, the user activates the smokesting and indicates a direction. The smokesting pricks the user, leaves its stinger behind, and flies in the indicated direction with a speed of 40 feet. A five foot wide plume of smoke connects the smokesting to the stinger and user, filling every square through which it passes. The user may control the smokesting’s course with a move action, otherwise it continues in the last direction indicated. If the user also moves, the plume of smoke extends through his squares up to a maximum of 200 feet. Every creature in the smoke-plume gains concealment.
Upon command or at the end of four rounds the user is instantly carried to the smokesting’s current location, igniting the smoke plume into a geyser of flame. Anyone caught in the fire-geyser takes 1d6 fire damage. The smoke-plume dissipates one round later.
A smokesting fire-geyser functions once per day.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, burning hands, dimension door, obscuring mist; [b]Cost[b] 5400 gp
You were definitely going for special effects this year. And I like the visuals of it, but it is too complicated, it ties itself up in its descriptions and the minutiae of its effects.
Does your last sentence mean that the plume is burning for 1 round? How is damage dealt during that round?
Overall it is a cool idea, but struggling ith mechanical execution.
Collar of Tricks
Aura Faint Transmutation; CL 3rd
Slot Neck; Price 2000 gp; Weight 1 lbs.
Description
Not only do these black studded collar's protect against flea's; they adjust to fit the size of any animal companion or familiar, when donned the animal gains the use of a trick listed on page 97 of the Pathfinder Core Rulebook. Each collar must be imbued with its own trick, and only one collar can be worn on an animal companion at once. This extra trick does not apply to the number of tricks an animal companion or familiar can learn.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Charm Animal, Creator must have 1 rank in Handle Animal skill; Cost 1000 gp
A animal trick in a can? Meh, pass. The protecting from fleas put me off to, as did the explicit calling out that multiple collars don't stack. Thats what item slots are for after all.
Chief Technical Officer
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I suspect the post monster ate it. My submission was confirmed by email, so it definitely went through. Ah well.
I don't see anything by this name in the judges' forums. Either you named it something else before submitting, or you failed to submit, or the item somehow got eaten by the Post Monster.
Found it. You asked Neil for "Hangman’s Friend," but you submitted it as "Assasin's Friend" (with "assassin" misspelled as shown).
* I don't care for this one. The auto-grapple on a sneak attack isn't innovative. It's broken. The silence effect lasts until the belt is removed? And I can wrap it around "any living creature within one size of the user"...so, how about I choke a Small-sized halfling or goblin with it and then just drag them around as a constant silence-inducing body? The item has a few other small quibbles in grammar and template execution. I'm not really sure why bleed is in the construction requirements, but okay, fine.
* In the game, it's actually faster to kill someone with damage than to suffocate them. This item doesn't do anything for suffocation that you couldn't do with a garrote, and makes me wonder if they know what the normal "choke someone to death" rules are, or if these are supposed to replace them.
The fact that the item has DR 5/slashing means it's going to be hard to destroy. I really wonder if the author would think this was a "fair" item if someone used it on one of his PCs.
There are already rules for this in the game, and rules for assassinating someone, and items specifically designed to take out lone scouts or watchmen are (1) sad, if that's the game you're playing, especially at 26,000 gp a pop, or (2) part of the arms race between GMs and players, it will just lead to the players leaving 2 PCs on watch instead of 1 so the GM can't use this item--and a sleep or hold person on a lone guard is just as effective.
It's just not fun.
Reject.
* Rejected.
* Also, they spelled 'Assassin' wrong.
Thanks for the critique of my item. I was just wondering if any of the judges could expand on the idea of SAK. I thought with the Marbles of Useful Distraction, that since it was limited to 4 spells all meant for the same task that it wouldn't classify as such.
/facepalm
I've been reading this thread for a while now and it just hit me that I never submitted my item for critique.
Spell Shifting Butterfly
Aura moderate evocation and transmutation; CL 11th
Slot -; Price 3000 gp; Weight -
Description
A spell shifting butterfly is a small statuette of a monarch butterfly with a porcelain body and diaphanous gossamer wings. As part of the action of casting a spell, a user may activate the butterfly causing it to store the spell and animate. The butterfly then flies to any point within 60 feet in the user’s line of effect and releases the spell from that position as if the user himself were there.
Casting the spell to activate the butterfly provokes an attack of opportunity as normal, but the butterfly does not provoke an attack when it discharges the spell. All of the spell’s numerical values are based on the user’s level and ability scores (caster level, saving throw DCs, attack rolls, etc.), while the butterfly’s position determines line of sight and line of effect. If the butterfly targets a creature or object that the user cannot see, the butterfly must make a Perception check (+0 bonus) to locate and target that creature or object.
The butterfly is quite fragile and can only hold a spell for a short time. At the end of the round in which it was activated, the butterfly is destroyed even if it has not released its spell (as in the case of a missed touch attack).
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, animate objects, imbue with spell like ability; Cost 1500 gp
Diadem of the Spider
Well, I like the visuals of the item, but it degrades too much into a SAK of defensive effects. Also I'm not sure if the swarm should still be active as a swarm, when it is forming a swamr armor.
Also Bee-men. ;)
Too bad the real point of it doesn't come across - to help parties that are being creamed by a swarm by taking control of it. As a GM I've repeatedly seen low-to-mid-level parties having serious trouble with swarms, especially fine or diminutive ones.
The spider swarm in the orphanage in Crown of the Kobold King was nearly a TPK for my group - since it was immune to weapon damage, there wasn't a thing they could do to it and they were trapped in that little basement room. I decided that there was enough residual flammables left in the casks in the basement that they could light it on fire, and they were finally able to take it out, but not until two party members were unconscious.
Anyways, thanks for the feedback :)
I'm actually happy with it exactly how it is, though I'll probably just simplify it (as the judges suggested) to making the wearer immune, base it off of vomit swarm instead of creeping doom, and make it 3/day for 5 rounds - that would reduce the cost to 10,800, something more in line with my targeted audience - low-level characters.
I'd still leave out the summoning - that makes it a much more powerful item.
Diadem of the Spider
Well, I like the visuals of the item, but it degrades too much into a SAK of defensive effects. Also I'm not sure if the swarm should still be active as a swarm, when it is forming a swamr armor.
Also Bee-men. ;)Too bad the real point of it doesn't come across - to help parties that are being creamed by a swarm by taking control of it. As a GM I've repeatedly seen low-to-mid-level parties having serious trouble with swarms, especially fine or diminutive ones.
I see that problem too, but there is a huge gap between defending against something and taking control of it. (on page 1 or 2 was a beekeepers crook or something like that you might want to check put)
Spell Shifting Butterfly
*...A fairly simple idea, but well-executed. The time limit and cost (3000 gp for a one-use item is sorta steep when the same effect could be done with a familiar) balance it, but I think it probably needs some defensive stats for the butterfly (AC, hp, hardness, etc) since it could, in theory, set of an AoO as it flies to the target. It should also have a to-hit modifier in the event it's touching a foe or launching a ray around a corner or something. Great implementation of the template, but I don't think this is Superstar material. Weak reject.
*...I kind of like it. There's an innovative spark here and you can tell the designer is really trying to craft the appropriate rules and mechanics around it to ensure it's not an abusive item. I agree that the butterfly probably needs some stats...much like the shadow falcon we saw earlier.
*...I also spotted at least one error in the construction requirements. It should be imbue with spell ability, not "imbue with spell like ability". So, coupled with the missing mechanics for the butterfly the attention to detail isn't quite fully there yet for this designer.
*...That said, I'm also going to vote weak Reject...but I'll leave this item here for further commentary...just in case someone else wants to champion it.
*...Ditto, nice try, not quite good enough. Reject.
Lantern of Mesmerizing Shadows
*...Kind of a useful low-level, low-cost item. Plays around with the bard abilities. Seems like that's always a favorite. Every year a bard item makes the Top 32. Is this one worthy? I don't know. It's pretty solidly designed, both in theme and execution of the template. I don't perceive any holes in the mechanics. Definitely not a SIAC either. Weak Keep.
*...I'm also a fan. I like that it encourages bards to do something other than inspire courage, which is often all the class uses its bardic performance ability for. I agree that we should keep it for further discussion as we start to whittle the list down to 32. Keep.
*...Weak keep.
*...Weak keep, if only because it encourages bards to use something other than inspire courage.
*...There are better items here. I change my vote to REJECT to get it out of our contenders pile.
*...Rejected.
Vambraces of Spectral Chains*...Eh. Kind of a cool idea behind it. Mechanically, it feels a little half-baked to me. For instance, what happens if you use that second effect to bind yourself to another individual. Can they engage in a tug of war with you? Or what happens if you try to retract the chain and pull them to you.
*...I think this item would have been stronger if the new pull special ability had been utilized like the batrachian helm from last year. I'm also a little unsure of the incorporeal chain still anchoring you to another object, but shrugging off any normal weapons that attempt to break it. And, the ability to pretty much do that at will seems a little too potent for 12,000 gp. But maybe you guys feel differently. I'm going to say weak Reject for now.
*...The incorporeal chain is immune to nonmagical damage. So you could use the chain on a bridge, and you can't be moved more than 50 feet from the bridge, so if you fall, you're fine, because falling damage is nonmagical damage, so you'll just dangle there. You could use it in this way to climb walls.
*...Does the chain require line of effect, or can you run around a corner from your item? Can you run through a doorway and close the door? Because the chain is incorporeal, it should still exist right through the door...or maybe it would prop the door open because it has line of effect.
*...He points out that you can escape by teleporting, but that's obvious because this isn't a force effect or a dimensional anchor. Except he also points out you can't go ethereal, but again, this isn't a force effect so that shouldn't matter at all. Didn't really think this one through enough. Reject.
*...Agreed. Rejected.
When I first wrote up this item, it was like 600 words. I had to take off a lot of the exact things the judges wanted to see in the item to get underneath the word count, including how the chain interacted with walls, using the pull maneuver on your opponent and large objects, etc.
The first question is clearly answered in the item, though. Can only retract to pull an unattended item of 20 lbs or less to you.
You can't escape by going ethereal because the chain is, itself, partly on the ethereal plane. So it was going to have a few sentences explaining how it interacted with force effects.
I feel a bit ticked that the word count was what really killed my item's potential. But I guess this is more of a lesson to not make an item with as complex mechanics next year (Though I didn't think they would take so much space when I started).
Thanks for getting to mine, Mr. Spicer! You've blown right through these, and I hope everyone else is as appreciative as I am of your efforts!
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Star Voter Season 7
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Prides Arm
Aura Faint Necromancy and Evocation; CL 5th;
Slot Arm and Ring; Price 36,340gp; Weight 6LB
DESCRIPTION
This Full length Pauldron is made for warriors or mages that have lost an arm. It is made of studded leather from shoulder to hand with mithral bands running on the inside. The hand has a mithral gauntlet, itched with runes of power, on the end of the Pauldron. Inside is a bleached bone arm and hand.
When attached to a person who is missing his arm it comes alive and gives the ability of the arm they lost. Also, it is magically enhanced so that when you are attacked it gives a shield bonus of +2 to AC. It has no spell check failure. Cause of the magic built into the Pauldron and Gauntlet it counters the magic of rings put on it.
CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Craft Arms and Armor, Animate Dead;
Cost 18,170gp
I'm wondering if this means that it makes adventuring too safe, or is negating situations actually something you also don't like, even if it doesn't make adventuring safer. Would an item that negated something like grappling be unacceptable simply for the fact that it makes part of the rules irrelevant?
That's a good question, but I think it's situational. Thus, if I'm trying to pitch my quintessential Superstar idea to make the Top 32, I'd probably shy away from risking it. The pros of treading that line are that you may just come up with something really awesome. But, in my estimation, the cons outweigh them. Creating an item whose only purpose serves to negate or nullify an existing rule or mechanic within the game comes off as 1) not very innovative (i.e., you're not coming up with a new mechanic...just nerfing one someone else already developed) and 2) creating an arm's race (because every player who's ever wanted to avoid grappling--i.e., any spellcaster--would pretty much see it as a must-have item in order to negate the grapple attacks of the GM's monsters and NPCs).
My advice would be to turn to something else in order to maximize your chances of making the Top 32. Now, that's only the opinion of one judge and one guy who's gone through the contest before. That's not to say any of the other judges might feel otherwise. We had plenty of disagreement on items that made the Top 32.
Pride's Arm
*...Not really a Superstar idea. I've seen prosthetic limbs come up in fantasy RPGs before. They function along the same lines. It's also not a situation that comes up very often in a game. And who's going to willingly hack off their own arm to attach this thing for just a +2 shield bonus at the price of 36,340 gp while giving up a ring slot? Just go buy a ring of protection +2 and keep your natural arm. Vote to Reject.
*...Reject...problems too numerous to enumerate.
*...Requires Craft Arms and Armor. And you're actually crafting an arm! Like a real arm! Get it?! Reject.
Note: I'll take the time to add that you also have a lot of grammar errors showing up in your writing. Items aren't "itched" with runes of power, they're "etched." You also don't need to capitalize Pauldron or Gauntlet. And "Full length" should be "full-length" and you shouldn't begin a sentence with "Cause," it should be "Because"...and so on.
Your presentation really came across poorly as well, as you were missing the proper bolding, italicizing, and capitalization vs. lowercase throughout the provided template...which means you gave the impression of someone who couldn't properly follow directions or emulate how items appear in previously published material. So, you have a lot to work on before next year.
Were-collar
*...This one seems a little problematic to me. I get the purpose of it. But is it meant to be something you slap on a werewolf in the middle of a fight to keep it from transforming to a more lethal shape. Is it a restraining item for when they're captured? Is it a villain item to help them pass as human more often? I don't know that even if the answer to all those questions is "yes" that I'd view it as a Superstar item.
*...In addition, it goes on to reference itself as a "wear-collar" later. And coupled with the questions about its usefulness (or lack thereof), I'm not sure I care to Keep this one around.
*...I think that by the time you can afford a 101,000 gp item, it's sort of underpowered. The idea is interesting, and follows the trend in modern fantasy/horror to have a werewolf with a heart of gold who wants to tame himself so as not to be a danger to anyone else, but it's mechanically pretty boring.
*...There are no rules provided for applying it mid-battle or to an unwilling target, which is a major pitfall as far as I'm concerned. I can't see this one being in the Top 32. My vote goes to Reject it.
*...Way over-powered. Hard to adjudicate use against an unwilling target. "Wear-collar" is an uncaught spellcheck mistake and would be forgivable in a better designed item. Cost is outrageous - werecreatures are great Level 5-10 opponents and those PCs should not be shipping 100K for limited use items.
*...There's a lot of bad stuff in this one. Aside from the algebra involved in computing everything...and the references to "subject" vs. "sacrificer" all the time...the notion that failing either save causes the subject or sacrificer to immediately rise as an undead creature "with an equivalent encounter level" is just dumb. And that's not even citing that there are no ELs in Pathfinder. It's all just CR now.
*...Plus, once you shave off all this extraneous crap and get right down to it...it's just a resurrection SIAC. And not a very good one. Besides, a scroll of resurrection will run you just 2,275 gp rather 7,000 gp...and it carries no risk of any of this animate dead junk. Vote to Reject.
*...Plot device. Reject.
I can't help but point out that a scroll of resurrection would cost about 12K gp due to the 10K material component for the spell. Hope that didn't skew the evaluation too much...I intended the item to provide a risky way for low level characters to restore their dead party members, which is something that I think would be helpful to my campaigns (particularly since I hate stepping in as a GM to engage in party protection).
Regardless, I understand you had other grounds for disliking the item than the price, so thanks for the taking the time to respond.
Azmahel, thanks for the feedback! It helps more than you know. I may be going in the wrong direction with my submissions, maybe next year less twisty, more direct.
First off, I want to thank Neil and the rest of the judges for all the incredible advice and criticism they're giving the board. This is an amazing opportunity to learn better game-writing skills, and I really appreciate it. It does make me consider why they seem particularly concerned about "making more work for the GM"- with all the labor they're spending on the boards, they must have precious little time left for game preparation! Certainly, the kind of "deep immersal" role-playing that my lil gang of gamers are into requires a lot more GM prep AND decisions during game. That might be one reason why my stump dust isn't quite what they're looking for.
Of course, it may be that I'm just not a good enough writer (yet)! I will continue to practice and learn this craft, and hopefully, next year, the judges will be more impressed. I already have a number of alternate items I did not submit to the board, and I believe one in particular has enough "mojo" for the next RPGSuperstar contest.
I now attempt to address some of your issues with my item.
My Item as originally submitted:
Stump Dust
Aura: moderate enchantment. CL: 8th. Slot: None. Price: 1600 gp. Weight: 1/4 ounce per use.
Description:
This heavy ochre dust is harvested from the rotting stumps of ancient, magical trees. One handful of stump dust will cover a 10x10 square foot area (sprayed or sprinkled), and if carefully sprinkled, it lasts one hour (though weather can remove it early at GM discretion). During that time, with a failed DC 20 Will save, anyone crossing the dust becomes completely uncertain whether or not he’s on the right path. Even if there is no choice of direction (the dust covers an area without any alternative routes), there is a 50% chance of the victims simply deciding to turn back.
When sprinkled at intersections with multiple choices of route, the dust’s enchantment will force its victim to randomly choose a direction, no matter how familiar the way (his own home), or how urgent the need (chasing a just-fled rogue). Multiple victims can be sent in multiple wrong directions. If the dust is inhaled directly, the Will save DC increases to 25, and the victim becomes blissfully befuddled, unable to make up his mind about any decision for one hour, having a 50% chance per decision of making a wrong choice. Additionally, the victim has a -1 penalty to all skill and ability checks. He can, however, defend himself normally. Unfortunately, stump dust does not make a very effective “inhaled poison” because it settles to the ground within one round after spraying. If anyone inhales it (and fails his Will save) during that one round, its power is exhausted, and the ground below is not enchanted.
Construction
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, Profession: herbalism (4 ranks), or Knowledge: nature (7 ranks), confusion, misdirection. Cost: 800 gp per use.
My replies to your comments:
*...Meh. Seems to make adventuring easier. Also, how long does the effect last? If I go off down the wrong fork in the road, when do I figure it out?
When enough clues from the environment allow you a second save; say you came to the wrong village. The second save is sort of a standard in gaming when it's difficult to have a mind-effect go on endlessly. (This is an unwritten rule in our local gaming group. However, the item as written has already almost maxed out the 300 word limit.) Guards and wards is not the only mind-affecting spell without a definable expiration. All of this requires lots of GM decision-making. And isn't the very point of magic items to make adventuring easier?
*...is the "inhaled" power too powerful? Will vote with the majority.
It's an 8th caster level item. I look at what an 8th level caster has as a Will save bonus, and see it averages +7. 20 die roll +7 makes hitting DC20 hardly a long-shot. Hitting DC25 is more difficult, but then again, the inhaled version is meant to be much more potent an effect. And the dust was developed for rogues to use against powerful mages and clerics, as well as confounding pursuit.
*...This item actually works on the same principal as a portion of the guards and wards spell (which I would have preferred to see in the construction requirements of this thing. It too doesn't indicate how long the confusion about the "wrong way" vs. "right way" lasts. So, the designer is following in suit.
I don't know if saying this will do more harm than good... but I never even considered that. I was going for a lower cost/lower level item, and with guards and wards being 6th level, it was a bit higher for a base spell than I wanted. Certainly, the cost would have been much more- and you wouldn't get the "whole" use of that spell. If my item only does one small part of what a high level spell does, why should I use it as my basis for the item? (Honestly, I feel that, had I done just that, I should have been penalized for not "utilizing" the majority of guards and wards.)
*...I think, overall, the descriptive text is a little confusing on its own...or maybe just not evocative enough. I don't particularly care for the pun in the name. Ground up "dust" from a "stump" is meant to "stump" people who come across it by making them lose direction. I get it. I'm just not sure I appreciate the inside joke elements of the name that much. Still, what else were they going to call it? The dust of confounding?
The "inside joke" thing must come across as more deliberate than it was intended. I was hardly rolling on the floor with amusement when I decided to name it that. It's a very weak element of my item. I sort of based it on the real world pagan item called "goofer dust" but I didn't want to actually call my item by that name- getting a reject for using real-world items, and that name sounds kinda silly and doesn't quite fit my concept. And obviously, you perceive my dilemma, as the long list of rejected "cheesy fantasy game names" contains names hardly less silly than "stump dust." At least, I think my name shows originality and some thought.
*...I also think the DC of the Will save is too high. A 4th level spell like confusion should typically be a DC 16 or so. And I think that would fit better for the price range selected for this item. I don't like the different DC for inhaling it. They really should have just stopped with the "crossing the path of the dust" as the activation and left it at that.
So you think adding the second effect was a waste of time? I tried so hard to roll something extra, but very applicable, into this item. I actually imagined I had achieved something pretty decent... sigh.
Will save DCs... I really can't believe that die 20 + 7 would ever, ever have much trouble hitting a DC16. The average of a die 20 is well, 10. If you're an 8th level caster, you've got a +7 Will save bonus. 10+7 =17- ergo, few casters (of the creator's level) will succumb to stump dust's effect (on average). (Of course, you have a 1 in 20 chance of making it without any bonus at all!) As I like items to continue to be effective for a long range of levels, I made the DC higher.
*...I think the price might be off, as well. This item should probably cost more. But, it appears to be a one-shot item. It's priced per use. So I'm not sure. A one-shot scroll of confusion would be 700 gp. Or, more believably for me, a one-shot scroll of guards and wards would run 1,675 gp. So maybe it's more appropriate after all?
Then, why do you think the price is off? Please consider that a one-shot scroll of guards and wards does a heck of a lot more than my dust, so it certainly should cost more!
*...Regardless, I think it's over-written in some parts and too open-ended in others. For instance, if they inhale it and have a 50% chance of making the wrong choice in any decision, that's left to GM fiat as to what the "wrong" choice would be.
True. That situation does indeed make a lot of work for the GM. I didn't consider that the second effect would come into play very often, though, so maybe it's not that much work after all. Particularly, if the PCs are using it against some NPC, in which case everything involved is "left to GM fiat" anyway!
*...I don't know. Lots of hand-wringing with this one. At best, I'm a weak Keep. But I have a real feeling this won't make the Top 32.
Well, I have to say that I'm happy to hear that someone among the judges felt it was a "weak keep" rather than an outright reject! I'd like to know if stump dust is well-written enough to be used in an Wondrous Items compendium- and exactly how you think I should re-write it to be more attractive.
*...Lots of this item's execution is left up to the GM, such as the right/wrong choice for inhaling it and whether the dust even sticks around after being applied.
The inclement weather option was written into the item for realism. I found it hard to believe that a rainstorm or strong winds would not be able to wash away/blow away the dust, and if the dust was removed, it could hardly affect the next traveler to cross the area. A lot of GMs use random weather (not much extra work to roll a die and consult a chart) and while this would hardly come into play very often, I wanted it to be clear that the dust wasn't immune to weather (or a smart character with a gust of wind spell).
*...The contestant also really butchered the template and style as exhibited in published material.
Now that comment hurts! I used the template provided on this very website, complete with html markup codes. I did notice that I had inserted colons after my submission, but that's proper English grammar. If that's what was meant by butchering, please just say and I'll remove them.
*...Vote to Reject.
*...More of a plot device than an item. If the PCs use this, I don't see a GM really deciding what the pursuing monsters do, the GM would just delay them for a while. And misdirecting effects like this are hard to do when everyone can see the map on the tabletop. I want to put this in the "encourages metagaming" category, except it's like double-reverse-metagaming... if the GM draws the map on the tabletop and this is in effect, he's going to have to draw a fake map so the PCs don't realize they're not following the right path.
"Double-reverse metagaming?!" I should be given credit for creating a new concept in bad gaming techniques, if nothing else! ;-) Seriously though, isn't almost everything the GM does a form of that? And what's so much harder about drawing a false map? If you're drawing one anyway... just change something vital for the PCs. (Not that most uses of the dust would require maps... I hardly map out everything for my PCs. If their characters want a map, let them draw it "in-game," assuming they are proficient at Craft: cartography.)
As an aside, I define "metagaming" as players sharing knowledge that their characters could not share in-play, using real-world concepts and knowledge that their characters don't possess, etc. I don't consider much of what the GM does to be metagaming, as he or she is in charge of everything in the world but the PCs.
*...Basically, makes too much work for the GM.
Oh dear... I'll do my very best next year to make an item with uber-mojo- yet somehow requires no more effort from the GM than a "Your item activates and works properly."
*...So does the guards and wards spell and it uses the same mechanic, though. I still think it's fair game to implement a wondrous item around it. This design just needs stronger mojo to help override the fact it'll introduce more work on the GM's part if brought into a game. I think this one comes close to doing that...as I could easily see it as a fey item...or an item designed to confuse or ward off the fey. Or maybe a group of reclusive elves. It's not just a getaway item for bandits.
I'm very glad you perceive more than one use for my item. You see where I'm going with it. It was intended for hedge witches, druids and other outdoorsy, herbalist-type characters to use on medium high level (8th-12th) characters, and in cahoots with rogues and possibly bards and rangers, in targeted attacks upon characters with a high Will save. (I was thrilled to see Nick Bolhuis' Assassin's Rose make the Top 32, because of the wonderfully wicked schemes I, as a GM, could engineer using both my stump dust and his rose. And his archetype made the Top 16! Congrats, Nick! Best of luck in Round 3!)
*...I think there's some mojo behind the idea. Regardless, the execution just isn't there. I agree on the decision to ultimately Reject. Just not strong enough.
I'll do my utmost to bring more "execution' to my item next year. I was intrigued that no one noted the few flaws I personally saw after submitting, such as my omission of defining "carefully sprinkling" the dust as a full-round action, or that it uses a "randomizing" factor in its mechanics. (I had been so afraid it would get an auto-reject just for that alone!)
Thank you all for the comments, and I'm glad to hear that my stump dust had some merit as a first attempt at RPGSuperstar. Thanks again for the incredible amount of work you have all put into this contest and the Pathfinder boards. Your advice is invaluable- and much appreciated.
Sincerely,
your friend and fellow gamer,
Keith
Because of how rapidly the judges are sorting the items, we pretty much look for a reason to stop reading...i.e., a reason to Reject. So, sometimes, our commentary might not delve into all the reasons we would reject it. Don't assume just because we didn't bring up some other flaw in your design that it wouldn't have also been a reason to reject it.
That is the reason that these "Critique My Item" threads are so useful. I can see the problems with my item (and I completely agree with the assessment), but I won't be submitting that item next year. So I need to see where other people tripped up, so I can avoid those mistakes in the future.
Neil, thank you for dropping my critiques in this thread. Judges, thank you for ripping apart my item. It truly helps me learn.
And competitors. WOW. There is some awesome stuff in here. I hope to see you around next year. Read the comments, design with them in your mind, and you will break through the pack. Give it time, take your lumps, and it will happen.
Good luck in the future.
TM
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Star Voter Season 7
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Pride's Arm*...Not really a Superstar idea. I've seen prosthetic limbs come up in fantasy RPGs before. They function along the same lines. It's also not a situation that comes up very often in a game. And who's going to willingly hack off their own arm to attach this thing for just a +2 shield bonus at the price of 36,340 gp while giving up a ring slot? Just go buy a ring of protection +2 and keep your natural arm. Vote to Reject.
*...Reject...problems too numerous to enumerate.
*...Requires Craft Arms and Armor. And you're actually crafting an arm! Like a real arm! Get it?! Reject.
Note: I'll take the time to add that you also have a lot of grammar errors showing up in your writing. Items aren't "itched" with runes of power, they're "etched." You also don't need to capitalize Pauldron or Gauntlet. And "Full length" should be "full-length" and you shouldn't begin a sentence with "Cause," it should be "Because"...and so on.
Your presentation really came across poorly as well, as you were missing the proper bolding, italicizing, and capitalization vs. lowercase throughout the provided template...which means you gave the impression of someone who couldn't properly follow directions or emulate how items appear in previously published material. So, you have a lot to work on before next year.
Thanks for the help I will try harder next year.
Sorry it took so long to post this for feedback... already a thousand posts behind! :) I got rolled up in moving home and haven't had much chance to check the boards. Hope it isn't too late...
Shard of the Eidolon Soul
Aura moderate varied; CL 7
Slot -; Price 7,100 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
This multicolored piece of incandescent crystal is the size of a human fist. It is comprised of the crystallized essence of a summoner's eidolon, culled and solidified during the creation process. The magic of the shard allows a summoner to temporarily reverse the life link they share with their eidolon.
Once per day, as a standard action, the summoner holding the shard can activate it while touching his desired target (including himself). Upon activation, the shard instantly causes damage to the user's eidolon equal to half its current hit points, while the touched target is healed for the same amount. If the target is undead, it is damaged instead. This is a conjuration (healing) effect, and requires a successful touch attack if the target is unwilling.
The user's eidolon must be within 100 feet when the shard is activated. The damage cannot cause the eidolon to go below 1 hit point, nor can the damage be negated by spell resistance, temporary hit points (i.e., aid), spells or effects (such as a summoner's life link).
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, vampiric touch, cure critical wounds; Cost 3,550 gp
Shard of the Eidolon Soul
*...I'm a little unclear on the conjuration (healing) bit. I'm assuming it's viewed as positive energy that could also damage undead. How many summoners would willingly rob hit points from their eidolon for this emergency purpose? I don't know. I'm not as up to speed on summoners and eidolons to know if this mechanic goes too far. I'll wait to hear some of the comments of everyone else before casting a vote.
*...I guess it's a last ditch response to use if something nasty gets in too close. It's a "cure in a can", with damage to undead (which strikes me more as the designer trying to think through the implications of the effect rather than a design objective). In the end, it's a SIAC. Reject.
*...I think an eidolon is more effective actually dealing damage with attacks instead of sacrificing its hit points to harm undead, and the idea that a summoner would use his eidolon's health as a reserve to be a backup healer is strange. Again, I like that the designer was attempting to do something neat with the new classes, but this one falls short of Superstar in my opinion. Reject.
*...I think you guys have convinced me. I was bothered by that use of the eidolon as a healer, too. Though, with the proper theme or backstory, I could see a reason for that. Maybe more as a spell than a wondrous item? Vote to Reject.